Best Laid Plans

Izumo stumbled under Iruka's weight. He didn't exactly mind having the guy's arm flung heavily around his shoulder. Dealing with his drunken friend's body being pressed tightly against his side didn't technically qualify as a problem. It was just that their three-man progression down the sidewalk was a bit awkward.

Also, the ridiculous amount of alcohol Izumo had consumed kept taking flight in his body, fluttering drunken wings through his thoughts, against his vision, and down all of his limbs. He repeatedly bumped hips with Iruka, then steadied himself by wrapping his arm a little tighter around his friend's back. Each time, Iruka would respond by briefly leaning his head into the crook of Izumo's neck, further intoxicating the poor guy with a heady dose of musky vanilla scent and the feel of silky-soft hair.

Izumo convinced himself that he only felt relief as Iruka stepped unsteadily away, apparently having decided that he could walk unassisted.

It seemed that his friend had also revived enough to resume talking. And talking, and talking, and talking... Izumo tried to make up for Ibiki's unnerving silence by interjecting random "Hmmmm...."s and "Oh, really?"s whenever there was a brief break in the rambling monologue. He decided it was time to pay a little closer attention when he heard...

"...like to be blindfolded. That way Kakasswipe can give me head without worrying about not wearing the mask. Because noooooo-one can see behind the curtain of the almighty Hatake Kakashi. Never, ever. So, yeah. Sometimes he blindfolds me, but I don't like to be tied to the bed like you were."

Whoa... "You" meaning who? Izumo glanced over at Ibiki but he wore his usual, generic, "I'm Ibiki- Don't fuck with me" expression. No information revealed there, as usual.

Izumo caught Iruka's elbow to steady him when he stumbled over a curb. The academy sensei smiled and pressed a soft, platonic kiss on his friend's lips in thanks before stepping back to Ibiki's side.

Izumo ran his fingers over his lips and tripped over his own feet as he tried to reason through whether or not men kissed each other on the mouth platonically. Apparently they did, because Iruka definitely stuck with monogamous two player games, and he only played with Kakashi.

Iruka resumed his chatter, asking, "Did Kakashi ever show you that video?"

Without breaking his steady stride or altering his steely, straight-ahead gaze Ibiki answered, "No. I'm not into guys fucking guys. Nothing wrong with it, just not my thing."

Izumo pressed his lips together, gently holding them between his teeth and remembering the feeling of his friend's soft, thank-you kiss. He took a full five steps before he processed the other men's conversation and the reason for Iruka's dampened spirits. Ibiki hadn't watched a tape of Kakashi's. A tape with guys fucking guys. What a nice, catchy phrase... "guys fucking guys". Izumo smiled to himself and noticed that Iruka had taken a giant step sideways, close enough so that once again their hips were occasionally bumping. He looked over as his friend leaned closer and spoke in a low tone.

"Can I tell you a secret Izumo? You won't tell anyone?"

Izumo looked to Ibiki for guidance on how to handle this, but Ibiki kept walking, stony-faced, as though he hadn't heard.

Izumo really wished he'd used some more sense pacing himself at the bar. He made a vague kind of "Mmmm...." sound and braced himself for this secret.

Iruka stopped short and pulled Izumo's hand until they were standing face-to-face. They just looked at each other for a moment, then Iruka leaned close enough that Izumo felt his breath warming his ear as he whispered...

"I watched the tape again by myself. Without Kakashi."

What tape? Izumo tried to will down the interest his body was showing in this low-voiced, close-proximity Iruka. He about to call ahead to Ibiki when he noticed that the interrogation expert had already stopped and was leaning against a tree, waiting for them. Izumo was about to back away from his deliciously scented friend when- Ohhh... There was that warm, close, whisper again...

"I watched you Izumo. I skipped through to find all the parts with you. I watched you lying on Genma's bed, on your back, with Kotetsu rubbing his..." Iruka hesitated, slightly embarrassed, but then seemed to gain courage from whatever he saw when he pulled back to glance at Izumo's face. He leaned forward again to whisper the rest of his secret. "Rubbing his cock against yours."

Izumo subconsciously pressed forward at the sound of everyone's pal, sweet, monogamous Iruka whispering "cock" into his ear. He blushed slightly and forced himself to gently pull away, hoping Iruka hadn't noticed his erection.

Iruka smiled happily at him and asked, "You like that, don't you? Words like that? I noticed on the tape that you love when Kotetsu talks like that." He flashed one more bright smile at Izumo, then rushed forward to catch up with Ibiki.

Izumo stood frozen in place, trying to clear his liquor addled brain and figure out what exactly was going on. What exactly had just happened? What fucking "tape" did Kakashi have of him on Genma's bed, tied up, with Kotetsu? He mentally replayed the many, many scenarios involving himself, Genma's bed (with and without Genma and/or Raidou), and Kotetsu. His quickly hardening erection loved this trip down memory lane, but his mind struggled to piece together a videotaped fuck involving a blindfold, being tied up, and Kotetsu rubbing their cocks together.

Wait a minute...

Izumo's thoughts circled around one particular memory. What about that time, years ago... The day Sasuke left? His pants became agonizingly constricting at the mental image of his and Kotetsu's first sexual experience with Genma and Raidou. The pieces all fit: Genma wearing a blindfold, Izumo having been tied to Genma's bed with the bathrobe tie, and Kotetsu usually ended up rubbing their cocks together at some point and using "colorful" language. But how could there be a tape of that?

"You coming?" Ibiki's shouted question started Izumo from his racing thoughts, and he hurried to catch up with his waiting friends. If they actually were his friends... What in the fuck was going on?

He stepped to Iruka's other side as he caught up, and without thinking returned his open, friendly smile. Remembering Iruka's "secret," he broke eye contact and shyly looked down.

Iruka started the friend monologue again, letting Izumo focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Incredibly, he was feeling the effects of the alcohol even more now that they had been outside walking for a bit. He never drank even close to that much. How had he ended up consuming such a ludicrous amount of alcohol?


The fleeting touch of Iruka's hand made Izumo wonder exactly how much liquor his friend had thrown back. The second touch spurred him to wonder how often, if ever, the academy sensei consumed alcohol at all. The third time that Iruka's hand brushed his thigh Izumo started to wonder if it was, in fact, accidental. It seemed to be... Iruka was looking straight ahead, trying to keep his own footing while he listed Ibiki's many virtues.

"... and the way you always wear that big coat even when it's excruciatingly hot, and those kick-ass scars on your face that look way cooler than mine, and the way your smile is even creepier than your thinking face, and the way..."

Whoa!! Iruka's hand brushed Izumo's ass that time... There was no way that was an accident. Was it possible to accidentally brush your hand over someone's ass when you were walking down the sidewalk?

Maybe... The guy just looked so happy and carefree, walking along, babbling at Ibiki. After all, this was Iruka... The guy who worked at the missions office, worked at the academy, was a mentor to more than one academy student, and spent the very few hours he had left over with Kakashi. End of story. Iruka did not grab random shinobi's asses.

Except he just did it again.

"...can't thank you enough for letting me stay with you. My plan is so perfect. I'm going to figure everything out. Everything's going to be different. Not just for my sake, but for Sasuke's." Iruka stopped speaking after that, but continued walking with a slight frown on his face.

Izumo waited, half anxiously and half expectantly for more thigh brushes and/or ass grabs, but Iruka remained deep in thought until they got practically to Ibiki's apartment. Izumo remained silent, too. He didn't trust himself to say anything that made sense. This whole freak-ass night didn't make any sense...

Ibiki paused a moment, looking ahead to his apartment building and breaking his long silence. "Ahhh, shit. This complicates things."

The other men stopped in their tracks and swayed just a little bit as they waited for Ibiki to continue.

"Anko has a key to my place. I know I didn't leave any lights on. Let me just run up there and get rid of her."

Iruka grabbed his arm before he could take a step. "No! No, I don't want to mess up your night. Don't worry about it. I'll just... I can..." He broke off and tried to think of an alternate plan that wouldn't interfere with Ibiki's evening.

Ibiki caught Izumo's eye and tilted his head in a way that, for some reason, made him think of their earlier talk about Kotetsu's overnight errand. He found himself half-remembering details from that original conversation, the conversation that had somehow landed Izumo smack in the middle of this mind-fuck evening.

Out of nowhere, a plan popped into his head. He turned to Iruka. "I know! You can stay at Kotetsu's tonight. He won't be back until sometime tomorrow afternoon. Oh... but Kakashi could track you there." He glanced back over at Ibiki, then had another brainstorm. "Unless... Well, I don't know if it would be too much trouble, but maybe Ibiki could swing by after he and Anko are done... uh... socializing." He blushed and looked back down at the sidewalk.

Ibiki slowly nodded. "That's a great plan, Izumo. I'm glad you thought of it. I'll just deal with Anko at my place, then head over to Kotetsu's in a little bit."

Izumo beamed with pleasure over Ibiki and Iruka's obvious approval of his plan. He couldn't believe he had solved their problem, considering his brain was so muddled. His smile faltered slightly as one corner of that muddled brain mutinously whispered that neither plan, his or Iruka's, made a whole lot of sense if you really thought about it.

But thinking in general was really beginning to get on Izumo's nerves, so he pushed that annoying brain-whisper deep into the corners of his mind and let himself feel the pride of having solved a difficult puzzle, all on his own. Besides, a guy like Ibiki would never have agreed to their plans unless they actually made sense.

Iruka staggered over to some bushes to take care of private bladder business, and Ibiki took that as an opportunity to turn to Izumo for a quick, quiet word.

"Iruka has had waaay too much to drink. No matter what, it would be really crappy to take advantage of that. He's one of the few genuinely nice people in this village, he firmly believes in monogamy, and doing anything physical with him tonight would just be wrong. No matter what he says, or what he does, you have to be strong about this. Promise me you won't fuck around with Iruka."

Izumo nodded his promise, noticing that his erection from Iruka whispering "cock" and telling him that intriguing, cryptic secret had never completely gone away. He also noticed how quickly a flood of Irukacentric sexual fantasy filled his brain on the heels of the words, "fuck around with Iruka." He tried to smile confidently while maintaining a look of platonic disinterest. That turned out to be somewhat difficult when Iruka returned with his fly completely unzipped and hanging open.

Ibiki laughed quietly. "Hey Izumo, give him a hand with that..."

Give him a hand with that? Izumo looked over to see if Mr. That Would Be Wrong was kidding, but he and Iruka both seemed to be waiting patiently for Izumo to do zipper duty.

As blushing Izumo tried very hard not to think about what was just underneath his unsteadily zipping hands, Ibiki turned to address the monogamous, genuinely nice person who had definitely had waaay too much to drink.

"Make sure you use good sense tonight, Iruka. The whole point of hiding out is to gain some perspective. Don't cloud up that perspective by making any decisions you'll regret. I know you have certain... images... on your mind tonight after that tape Kakashi had you watch. Just try not to think about that. Promise me that you'll go straight to Kotetsu's and go right to sleep, okay?"

Iruka leaned into Izumo's trembling, pants-buttoning hands just a little bit as he nodded absently at Ibiki. "Yeah... Okay... Straight to Kotetsu's and straight to sleep."

"Okay then... See you men later!" Ibiki gave one quick wave, then took off for his apartment at a half run.

Izumo's fumbling hands finally finished the buttoning job. He quickly put distance between himself and this genuinely nice, genuinely drunk, genuinely hot-as-all-fucking-hell ninja. He led the way to Kotetsu's, enjoying a comfortable silence. The silence lasted for about a minute and a half.

"Izumo... We're friends, right?" Iruka stopped and reached for Izumo's hand, pulling him close.

Izumo forced himself not to reach up and trace the scar across Iruka's perfectly formed nose as he answered, "Yeah. Definitely."

Iruka moved just a little bit closer, releasing his hand in order to brush aside the hair covering Izumo's eye. He tilted his head and watched as his friend's hair gently fell back down into place. He kept stroking Izumo's hair as he asked, "How can you have sex with other men, and know that Kotetsu.. Hell... How can you watch Kotetsu have sex with other men? How can that not bother you?"

Izumo felt the ridge of Iruka's scar under his gently moving index finger and wondered how that had happened. Hadn't his brain just told his hand to stay perfectly still? He struggled to form a coherent answer. "I guess what guys like Kotetsu and I wonder is, why would anyone mind?" He saw the confusion on Iruka's face.

He kept running his finger slowly across and over Iruka's scar as he continued. "You know what would upset me? I mean, really tear me apart? If I ever found out that something amazingly great had happened to Kotetsu and the first person he ran to tell about it was someone else. Or if he was upset about something and the person he went to was someone other than me. That kind of stuff... That would devastate me. But that doesn't mean I don't want him talking to anyone else, about anything else, ever. You know what I mean? He has his most important conversations with me. He has his most meaningful sex- making love, even- with me. But I don't begrudge him having conversations or having sex on a less intimate level with other people. Make sense?"

Iruka tilted his head so that Izumo's tracing finger now ran lightly over his bottom lip. He looked thoughtful for a moment, then raised his head so that Izumo's finger dropped to trace lightly down his chin.

Izumo felt his heart rate quicken as his finger somehow ended up trailing down his friend's neck, across his chest, down his arm, until his exploring hand came to rest on Iruka's hip.

Iruka ran his finger tips down the side of Izumo's face, then across to trace over the line where face wrapping met soft skin. "But what if Kotetsu did start having meaningful sex with someone else?"

Awkward. This was definitely awkward. Izumo had no doubt that Iruka was trying to come to terms with Kakashi's promiscuous lifestyle in general, and his twisted relationship with Sasuke in particular. Unfortunately, nobody understood that fucked up relationship. Not even Kakashi and Sasuke. Izumo tried to force rational thought to break through the alcohol barrier in his brain. He had to tread carefully here...

"Hmmm... I guess it would depend on what the 'meaning' was. It if were a toxic, hurtful, addictive kind of relationship... Fuck, Iruka. I seriously don't know what I'd do."

Iruka chewed lightly on his bottom lip. He briefly raised his eyes to meet Izumo's, then shyly looked down. He placed his hands tentatively on Izumo's hips and pulled him so close their foreheads were almost touching.

Izumo closed his eyes, and immediately began swaying slightly. He felt Iruka increase the pressure on his hips, steadying him. All it would take would be a slight press forward... If he pressed forward just a little bit... But he had promised Ibiki, and it would be wrong, and... Iruka's voice hummed through Izumo's body as their platonic discussion continued.

"Well, what if... I mean, let's say you still thought exactly like you think now, and you thought it's great to have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want, but Kotetsu asked you to stop. Let's say- for whatever reason- it was really important to him that you have complete exclusivity and only have sex, of any kind, with each other. What would you do?"

Izumo opened his eyes and focused his unsteady gaze on on Iruka's chest. He answered without hesitation. "I'd stop. I'd be totally exclusive with Kotetsu." He noticed that his other hand had at some point come to rest on Iruka's other hip. He also noticed how that hand was now rubbing up and down, just the slightest little bit.

Iruka leaned back far enough to look at Izumo with surprise. "No, but I mean... You'd still think the exact same you do now..."

Izumo met his gaze and interrupted, "Yeah, I got that. I'd still stop."

When Iruka's forehead wrinkled in confusion Izumo lifted a finger to trace lightly over those frown lines, smoothing them, before dropping down to trace his scar again. He tried to clear up the confusion. "We're all wired differently as far as what we're comfortable with sexually, and what we're okay with changes over time. If Kotetsu ever wanted to just..."

Izumo broke off, laughing, letting his hand drop back down to Iruka's hip. "Dude, I can't even say it. It's just too funny to even think about, because he would never want that." He shook his head, still smiling. He found himself closing his eyes again, and leaning back in to touch his forehead lightly with Iruka's. He dropped his voice just a little and continued. "But if he changes his mind at some point in the future, maybe because we want to adopt a kid or something, then yeah... Without any hesitation or question, I'd respect his feelings and be as exclusive as he wanted to be. Because he asked."

He felt Iruka sigh, then pull him just the slightest bit closer.

Now seemed like a good time for another one of those platonic kisses. Both men found themselves moving so that they could press their lips softly together. Although they had promised Ibiki, surely it was okay to open their mouths just a little, and use just a little tongue. They really were pretty good friends at this point. And sometimes friends used a lot of tongue, especially after a really good talk. Pressing erections together was okay, too. That was just another way of saying, "That was a really fantastic talk. If you ever need anything else..."

Oh, hell yeah... One thing Izumo particularly liked was when friends reached around for your ass and pulled you so close that the only natural thing to do was rub, press, and grind yourself against your platonic buddy. Friends returned favors, like reaching around to run hands across perfectly toned and muscled asses, deepening kisses, and sucking gently on tongues.

The memory of Ibiki's comments coupled with Izumo and Iruka's promises somehow fueled this impromptu sidewalk grope session. Neither man slowed down when they heard voices approach from one direction, die down in embarrassed confusion as whoever it was walked around them, then start talking again with soft laughs after they had walked past.

Izumo moaned into Iruka's mouth as he felt trembling hands unfastening his pants button, then clumsily working down his zipper, then shaking slightly as they... as they stopped?

Izumo fell forward slightly as Iruka hastily jumped back, looking up at the tree branches ahead of them in alarm.

His shinobi training kicked in, alerting him to the presence of an all-too-familiar chakra signature crouched up in the tree branch. He made sure to refasten his pants before looking up.

Kakashi's expression remained impassive as he looked down at them and said, "Found you."

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A/N: As always, thank you for reading, rating, and/or reviewing. I love seeing my old friends IIYoung (thank you, thank you, a million times thank you for chatting me through my angst right after I posted ch. 1), DuosAngel (sign up for a y! account and come be silly with us!), Julis (thank you again for the PC review- That cheered me to no end), and yaoiismy... brilliant, brilliant yaoiismy who has written an amazing Sai/Sasuke in my fucktastical timeline:

A New Feeling
http://naruto.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600093858

Read it, then read all of her other stories, THEN (because sleep can wait...) go to her author profile and click the link to her y!gallery artwork. Brilliant, I tell you...

Hello and thank you to my new friends Pat (Yeah.. the grand entrance of Ibiki. He's totally necessary to this story, but of course he has to have another "I" name >:l Thank you for your kind review =D ) and Shinigami24 (Yes, Iruka's had enough. He hasn't been sitting around this whole time crying, though... He's spent the majority of his off-screen time doing all of the cool, manly things that guys like Iruka do. I love that chuunin... =D )