Gai Gone Wild

"So you and Gai." The bottle of sake appears in front of Kakashi's face before his friend rounds the chair he's in and drops down on the couch next to Raidou. The silver-haired man scowls at the smirking brunette, twisting the cap off and yanks down his mask, taking a long swallow of the liquid.

Reaching out, Raidou smacks his lover in the back of the head, snatching one of the bottles from him and opens it. "Enough, Genma. You've been tormenting him over that for weeks now."

Shooting a glare at his partner, he scowls. "Damn it. You try to ruin all my fun."

"Only when you're going overboard." The scarred man ignores the pout aimed at him, sipping at his drink.

Watching his friends, Kakashi closes his eye, heaving a sigh. "He's not going to stop. Not until he thinks that he milked out the fun out of it as possible."

Putting his nearly full bottle of sake on the coffee table, the older man leans forward and stares at the younger jounin. "I'd like to know *why* you chose Gai of all the people you could have."

Opening his mouth to protest that he didn't chose Gai, a loud echoing voice picks that moment to be heard.

"MY SILVER HAIRED LOVE, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

All three men cringed and share a look of horror.

"DAMN IT GAI SHUT UP!" A familiar female voice fills the air a second later. The three men stare at each other before looking towards the door as one.

"LOVELY HAYA-SAN! YOU HAVE CAME TO BLESS THE UNION YOUR YOUR DARLING COUSIN AND I!"

".....WHAT?!"

Eyes wide, Genma stares at Kakashi and a slow, smug smile spreads across his face. Pointing at the other man, he mocks Gai's speech pattern. "Oh, Kakashi-kun, how I love you so! Make the remaining years of my youth wonderful and give me the honor of being your lawfully wedded sex spouse!"

Before Kakashi or Raidou can respond to Genma's sprew, the door of their house flings open revealing Gai. Beaming at them brightly.

"I have found you, my silver angel!"

"Gai...shut up before I kill you." The taijutsu expert neatly steps aside before Haya can keep abusing his backside.

"We are going to be in-laws, my dear Haya-san! We must get along for we shall be family!" Tears run down his face as he scoops up the petite redhead, crushing her to his chest. "Such a youthful and gloriously lovely family the three of us shall make!"

"........" Face turning as red as her hair, she thrashes in his grip, arms pinned and unable to form any seals.

"Gai....she can't breathe." Raidou cautiously steps forward to pull the kunochi free from Gai's crushing grip.

Blinking down at the woman in his grip, he releases her suddenly before Raidou can attempt to pry her loose and the tears run down his face in triple speed. "My beloved's cousin, how could I do such a thing!?"

Genma turns to Kakashi and places a hand on his shoulder, voice solemn. "My apologizes." He pauses than continues. "I get dibs on your Icha Icha collection."

"Not helping." The Copy Nin snarls at the senbon sucker.

"Nope. Not my role in this drama." His senbon bobs up and down, grinning.

Pulling Haya up, Raidou turns his head and stares at his lover pointedly. The senbon addict pouts at him before turning his attention towards the black-haired jounin.

"Kakashi, my love! My angel, my sexy silver beloved! I have came to ask for your hand in marriage! Your dearest cousin has already agreed to our union and most graciously offered use of her land for our wedding! Is it not a joyful event?! We must be wedded at once!"

"Wait, what?" Haya's irate voice surges up and over Gai's. "I did not, you bowl hair freak!"

Paying no attention to the woman, he continues talking. "I already purchased the rings, spoken with a caterer, written out vows and have the invitations printed! It is all prepared, my darling. We just need to get our..."

"Gai." Kakashi has had enough and cuts the taijutsu master off, casting a glance at his cousin.

Staring at the copy nin in bewilderment, he can only blink. "Yes, my love?"

Looking from his friends to Gai, Kakashi covers his face. "Gai, we aren't getting married."

"OH MY SWEET, YOU ARE SHY, AREN'T YOU?!" Leaping forward, he embraces his unwillingly lover.

Making smooching noises, Genma bats his eyelashes at Kakashi from over Gai's shoulder. Having his hands tucked against his cheek as he mouths senseless words at the younger man. Holding back a laugh, he drops down on the couch.

Shoved his hand against Gai's mouth, irritated and jerks his head out of reach. Glares hotly down at his so-called friend. "I. Hate. You."

Tilts his head backwards, Genma peeks at them, grinning lopsidedly. "Love you too."

Freezing on hearing that, Gai drops his attempts at kissing Kakashi and turns towards Genma. "How Unyouthful, Genma-san! STEALING ANOTHER MAN'S LOVE AND CHEATING ON YOUR OWN SPOUSE!! I DEMAND THAT WE SPAR TO RECOUP MY LOST HONOR!! I WILL NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO TAKE MY SILVER ANGEL FROM ME!"

"...." Twitches at the thought of having sex with Kakashi and wonders if this is payback for all the pranks he's pulled over the years. "Gai, you have nothing to worry about. Kakashi is the last person I'd have sex with. I wouldn't even fuck him if we were the last two people alive." Muffled laughter makes him turn to glare sharply at his lover. "Not funny, Rai!"

"But it is." Chortles the scarred man grins at him and struggles but fails to control his mirth and has to sit down on the floor. His laughter echoing around the living room.

Haya drapes herself across Raidou's shaking shoulders, her laughter joining his.

The confusion on the Green Beast's face, Kakashi's glare and Genma's peeved expression has the two on the floor bursting into even louder laughter.

"Very funny." Kakashi snaps at them, single eye glaring darkly.

"Ah...I'm not interrupting..I hope?" A lull of laughter is filled by a voice, making three pairs of eyes focus on the open doorway to the chuunin standing there with an envelope in one hand.

Shaking his head, Genma waves the schoolteacher in. "Tweedledee and Twiddle Dumb are just laughing at our expense, Iruka. Ignore the Clown Sibs." Eying the envelope, he nods towards it. "You need something?"

"This is for Gai-sensei. Hokage-sama asked me to deliver it to him." Stretching his arm out, Iruka offers the envelope to the man, smiling.

"THANK YOU, YOUNG IRUKA-SENSEI!"

Hitting the taller man, Genma scowls. "Stop scaring him."

"I would never...!"

"Eh...." Looking from one man to the other, Iruka sweatdrops and waves his hands around. "I just came to drop that off. I...have lots of work to do! And Kotetsu needs help with...a jutsu!" Backing away, sprouting excuses, the Academy sensei retreats leaving the two men to argue without being apart of it.

Stepping over the still laughing forms curled up on the floor, Kakashi ambles out of the opened front door even as the arguement between Gai and Genma gets louder. Which causes Raidou and Haya to laugh harder. "I need better friends. Saner friends."

A voice booms behind him. "KAKASHI, MY EVERLASTING DARLING, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!"

Yelping, Kakashi puts on the speed in hopes of outrunning the taijutsu jounin.