Practical Jokes

LONG Chapter, compared to the first. Thanks to SneakyFox and roel for their reviews. Every single one helps. And, as a note, this is a Naruto/Kiba story. The Sakura stuff in chapter one was part of the preamble that will happen later. Note the bisexual warning!

-Toni

**********

Naruto had spent two days planning, mentioning vague references to looking into it whenever Kiba asked, bribing people to have vague remembrances of someone matching the description, dropping subtle hints to the one or two mutual friends that he was sure would play along. Shikamaru caught the innuendos immediately, after a few moments of explanation (during which Naruto omitted his frequent masturbatory fantasies and presented everything as brilliantly 'pre-planned'), the look he gave Naruto was one of quiet admiration.

“If you spent as much time on all your strategies as you did on this, you'd be unbeatable,” the shadow nin observed.

Naruto laughed, and the next thing he knew, Shikamaru mentioned to Kiba that he thought he might know her also. With two people on the case, Kiba's efforts redoubled. He was asking everyone else he knew, everyone who might have a connection, even the Hokage herself, until her realized how close the description he was making matched her also.

When a week or so passed and his disappointment was beginning to show itself again, Naruto got Shikamaru to take care of the rest of the organization.

*********

It was late on a Monday when Naruto and Shikamaru met Kiba on the main street of town. Kiba had made an immediate beeline for Shikamaru the moment he'd seen him, and cornering the two of them, annoyed Shikamaru for a progress report.

“She's grabbing some drinks with friends on Wednesday,” said Shikamaru. “I told her that I'd be a little late, and she said she wait around. We're supposed to be going over some sort of reports that she's filing.”

“She's in filing, then?” asked Kiba, eyes hungry for more than just the information.

Shikamaru shrugged. “She found me, not the other way around. Apparently, there's a problem with one of my more recent reports, and both of our schedules are otherwise full. Only time we could meet.”

The fact that it was a stretch didn't seem to matter. Kiba was swallowing hook, line, and sinker.

“And it's O.K. if I come too?” he asked, his mouth dry.

“I'll act like we're going over mission goals or something,” said Shikamaru. “We can set this up pretty smoothly, if you play your cards right. Hell, you might just get into her pants if she's been drinking.”

Kiba swallowed. Naruto smiled, and was sure he could hear splashing, and the sound of fishing reel whirring in the distance.

**********

Naruto had decided to go all out for this one, slipping into the old bra and panties she'd borrowed. She pulled over a sport top and slipped into a pair of loose jean shorts. After pulling her long hair back into a single ponytail, she looked at herself in the mirror. A little trashy, maybe, but she was pretty sure that the look would only help matters. For the piece-de-resistance, she pulled out a Sand Village forehead protector and tied it around her left arm.

Temari's were too small for her, on both counts, and she felt a little restricted, but they'd accomplish the goal. Shikamaru had convinced Naruto to allow the sand-non into the conspiracy, mainly for the ease of accomplishing the rest of the story.

The plan was already worked out, and the bulk of it was Shikamaru's idea. Visiting ninja, learning the systems of Konoha to better implement them in Suna. This was going to be priceless.

She walked back out into her living room where Temari was waiting on her. The real Sand Ninja looked her up and down and nodded approvingly.

“Not bad,” she said. “A little trashy, though.”

Naruto smiled. “That's the point.”

“Then you're spot on, love,” Temari grinned.

The two of them waited until they got outside the bar to take a shot of saki, smearing a little around their collars, just enough to get the smell on them for a little bit, before walking inside and acting like they were staggering just a little, Naruto far more than Temari. Shikamaru and Kiba were sitting in a booth off to the side, and the shadow nin waved the two of them over and gestured to the seat next to himself and the one of the other side.

Naruto plopped down next to Kiba, giggling a little to increase the effect, and leaned onto the table, showing off her chest. Temari sidled in next to Shikamaru and snuggled up close while the play began.

“So, what'd you need to ask me about, anyhow?” began Shikamaru.

“Well,” started Naruto, completely ignoring Kiba to her left, “there's a slight problem with one of your reports, but it seems like it could have bigger rama...rama...” Naruto started to trail off a little.

“Ramafications,” Temari said.

“Right!” said Naruto, slurring her speech a little more. “Ramacatshun. Now, if you'll notice on the...”

Naruto looked around, eyes suddenly going wide. “Oh, shit,” she cursed, lowly.

“What?” asked Kiba, speaking for the first time.

“The parep..the papper...the files are not here,” said Naruto, with growing concern showing through the faked drunkeness.

Temari looked at Naruto, and then at Shikamaru, and then back at Naruto.

“Don't you think you should find them?” she asked.

“What?” Naruto asked.

“The files.”

“But I don't know where they are!” shouted Naruto, leaning back into her seat and pouting a through a drunk face, pushing her arms as far under her breasts as she could make them go.

Shikamaru looked at Kiba then, smiling and winking significatly. Kiba's eyes went wide and he smiled and nodded back to his friend.

“Why don't we go find them, Temari?” asked Shikamaru. “She doesn't look like she's knows where she's been.”

“That's a lie!” Naruto shouted from her slump. “I know exactly where we were...”

Temari shook her head. “Then where were we?”

“The...the other bar. The one with all the... all the trees...”

“This is a forest, hun.” said Temari. “Trees are everywhere.”

Naruto put on her best pouting face and stayed slumped, not speaking. Temari sighed and looked at Shaikamaru.

“Come on, then. Let's go find them.”

The two pulled off the roles perfectly, getting up and walking out, sighing about having to go find them and loosing their night off, while Naruto sat next to Kiba, ignoring him. The Inuzuka looked like he was about to say something when Naruto turned and looked right at him.

“Are you going to buy me a drink, or just fantasize all night?” she said.

Kiba had leaped over her and was at the bar as soon as she was done speaking. He came back with a bottle of warm sake and two small bowls, pouring one for each of them.

Naruto leaned forward and took the drink, downing it in one gulp. She smiled across the table at Kiba. “You're nice,” she said.

Kiba stuttered out a thanks, looking at her while he finished he own shot. Then, they started talking.

Naruto was pulling off the perfect drunken ramble, talking about Suna, her job, a boyfriend she didn't like anymore. She was pulling all the strings, dragging the conversation along to just where she wanted it to go while Kiba hung onto every word. They drank, they smiled, they laughed, and as the night grew shorted, Naruto decided that it was time to end phase one. Part two would start tomorrow, if everything went accordingly.

She smiled and thanked Kiba for the drinks before pushing herself up off the booth. The second she was standing strait, though, she was down again, her head reeling and dizzy. Naruto hadn't anticipated this. He knew he could easily out drink Kiba, but she didn't realize that she couldn't. Body mass, body chemistry. Everything was different, wrong. Head spinning, she felt a hand on her arm and looked up into Kiba's softly smiling face. “Let me help you.”

Naruto was about to refuse when Kiba gently pulled her up and slid an arm around her back to support her. Though her knees were wobbly, she could walk with just a little help. He helped her out of the bar and onto the dark, early morning streets. The crisp air hit them both, and Naruto felt herself get a little steadier.

“Where are you staying?” asked Kiba.

It was one of the things that Shikamaru's insight had provided for, and Naruto told Kiba that she was renting a room above the Onigri shop, near the town square.

“That's a good ways,” Kiba said, “Let me help you.”

“It's alright,” Naruto said, pushing away from him and nearly falling down. Kiba caught her and waited for her to steady herself.

“Maybe it's not,” he said, smiling gently again.

He supported her as she walked, talking one of the long main streets down through Konoha, before turning toward the park. Naruto slowed a little and looked up at him.

“Why are we going this way?” she asked.

“It's a little shorter. And there are benches, so you can set down for a second.”

She conceded the point and allowed him to lead her on. Near the middle of the park, they stopped so she could sit down for a second. Kiba sat down next to her and put his right arm around her shoulder. When Naruto didn't move away, he let it relax a little and conform around her neck. They sat like that for a little bit when Naruto realized that Kiba was looking at her. She turned to look at him and, when she did, felt his arm pull against her a little, dragging her toward him.

What resistance she had was lost in the saki, and as their faces came together, their lips interlocked, mouths opening and tongues twining. All she could think was that he tasted like the drinks.

His other hand came around and rested on her right hip, sliding around it and under her shirt, rubbing her back slowly, almost tenderly. As the kiss broke, and Naruto breathed again, Kiba turned his attention to her jaw and then her neck, taking control of the situation completely away.

As he nibbled a little on her ear, he whispered to her. “I saw you, you know. In the bathroom. Did you know I was watching? I think I can do it how you like...”

All Naruto could think was that she's wasn't ready like she needed to be. She needed to be wet down there. And almost as soon as the thought occurred, she realized she was. Her breath quickened a little as she felt him begin to move, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

Kiba's right arm was still holding her, but as he repositioned her slightly, he slipped his left hand down to her wasteline and unbucked the shorts, undoing the zipper and tracing the line of the panties. He slid his left hand beneath the fabric, slowly moving it down until both fingers were on either side of Naruto's pussy, gently rubbing the lips. He kissed her neck, licked along the cusp with his tongue, and then, as his middle finger slid into her, Naruto was lost in her Sakura fantasy all over again.

Leaning against the rock, Sakura in control: kissing, nibbling, sucking, teasing, fucking. All over again. Only it wasn't Sakura. It was Kiba, this time, he strong hands holding her in place while she quickly worked herself toward orgasm.

Naruto felt herself bucking upward, attempting to drive him deeper, coming into his hand and, as the orgasm suddenly arrived, she couldn't stifle the moan that softly escaped her lips. She was savoring the afterglow again, eyes closed, remembering the feeling and holding onto it as hard as possible. When she opened her eyes this time, she didn't scream. Instead, she just smiled at the face, sake and sex making her relaxed and happy.

Kiba was looking at her expectantly, and his pants were already unfastened. Naruto tried to pull away a little when she realized what he was wanting, where she was, and what was supposed to be happening.

Kiba frowned a little, but didn't let her move away, his arm firmly encircling her shoulders. “I'll understand if you don't want to go too far,” he said. “How about just a hand job? That'll make us even.”

Naruto looked up at him suspiciously, but his hand just rubbed her back and he gently coaxed her on with smile and patience. Half wanting him to just let her get away, half utterly unsure what was going on, she finally reached down to his crotch. Naruto felt his cock, semi hard beneath the fabric. She slipped down onto the ground to get a better angle, but Kiba's hand never left her; it just shifted to her shoulder and kept on encouraging her further. He guided her like a boat rudder into position in from of him.

She pulled his pants down a little and unfastened the button holding the front of his black boxers together. She almost stopped, except for his hand, cajoling her onward. Still hesitant, she reached in and pulled out his cock, standing at full attention in front of her. A tiny part of Naruto was pleased to see that it was a little smaller than her—his—own.

She grasped it and began moving up and down as Kiba sighed and leaned back a little.

“Lube it up some,” he said. “Lick it a little.”

Naruto looked up at him like he was crazy, but Kiba just slid his hand from her shoulder into a position of cupping the side of her neck and back of her head. Before she realized he was doing it, he had pulled her forward to his cock and looked at her. Naruto opened her mouth to protest, but at she did, she realized that Kiba took at as a sign as assent.

Naruto felt Kiba slide into her mouth, his cock widening her eyes as his steadyness destroyed her resistance. A few pumps up and down, and Naruto realized that his hand was no longer on the back of her neck. Just the traceries of control, a slight brush of his fingers and an approving sigh. She just kept going, up and down on his cock, swallowing a little around it, licking the different parts, playing with the pieces she knew felt good. She ran her tongue around the bottom of the hood, tried deep throating, took as much of him into her mouth as possible.

She felt the hand on the back of her head again as she finished a downstroke and felt something erupt into her mouth, a salt burst that seemed to burst several times before the pulsing stopped.. Kiba had come in her mouth, and the steadiness of his hand told her that she should swallow it. She did, not gagging, and looked up at him, questioningly.

He smiled down at her and pulled her up off the ground and in a straddle of his lap, kissing her full on the lips.

“You were wonderful,” he said.

Naruto felt herself blush, tremendously. The shock of what she'd just done was slowly starting to sink in. She'd just given a blowjob to a guy. 'A GUY.' she screamed in her head. Confusion and a strange feeling in her stomach, both of which she attributed mostly to the drink, was beginning to fill her. She looked away until she felt Kiba's fingers touch her chin and pull her gaze back to his.

“We're not even, now, you know. You gave me a blowjob. I only fingered you.”

Naruto was well aware of the heat between her legs as she sat astride Kiba's lap. “I guess you're right,” she muttered, and Kiba smiled broadly at her.

They stood up again, and Kiba pulled Naruto up into a carry and leaped into the night sky, heading toward the small rooms for rent above the onigri shop.