Fairytale Fiasco

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. But I have a poster of him. And it’s awesome!

And I don't make money from thiiiiiis

Author’s Note: I’ve had this chapter sitting around for ages… but I lost interest in the story so it never got typed up. My muse is being a bitch again and has been for a while… so yeah… I’m trying to get back into the game and I’m starting with typing up what I’ve got.

Chapter two dedicated to Nanaka19 because she/he/it reviewed first! Thanks. =3

And pshaw, what’s wrong with rodent mutilation? The more knife happy Sasuke is the better, right… right?! Well… at least I like him slightly blood-thirsty, and the squirrel really was annoying, he deserved it.


Fairytale Fiasco
Chapter Two

Red Riding Hood, otherwise known as Sasuke, didn’t bother knocking. He strode straight into the strange house, bringing with him his deadly glare and dark looming presence. This was a man not used to knocking doors… unless he was asking for ‘grannie’. The first room was a large, empty lounge area; complete with three chairs of varying height and ‘softness levels’.

“Now this one is too cold!”

The voice that had lured him inside was coming from the next room.

The next door swung open with a light touch and Sasuke stepped into a high-ceilinged dining room. Directly in front of him was a large table, and sitting at that table was a young man. He had one elbow on the table and his chin was in his hand. In the other hand was a fork which he was using to poke sullenly at a bowl, the contents of which Sasuke’s assumed to be ‘ramen’.

The young man had messy blonde hair that just reached his shoulders, and impossibly blue eyes that were currently staring at Red Riding hood with a mixture of boredom, annoyance and amusement.

“Do you usually just walk into peoples houses like that? There’s this thing called ‘knocking’.”

Sasuke frowned, but a sudden sound beside him caused him to turn his head and look back over his shoulder. A large bear loomed there, standing up on its hind feet. Sasuke’s hand instantly fell to his knife; ready to take out the large beast with the same efficiency he used in dispatching wolves.

The sudden bark of laughter from the man at the table stopped him from his attack. “Relaaaax, take it easy.”

The bear lifted its head up a little and then spoke. “May I take your cloak, sir?” Despite the guttural quality of the words, the bear sounded quite genteel.

Sasuke shrugged off his red cloak.

The blond was watching his visitor carefully. Hm… kinda creepy with his red hood and generally nasty aura. But he’s wearing leather underneath… I like leather and he is pretty hot. Plus he’s male… that’s always good.

“Take a seat stranger!”

As the bear shuffled away to hang up the cloak Sasuke sat down in the offered chair, straight across from his strange new host.

“They call me Goldilocks.” The man proclaimed with a smile. “I’ll give you three guesses why.”

Sasuke remained silent.

Goldilocks waited for a while and then, when he was given no answer, he frowned moodily. “Fine well, it’s because of my hair. So what’s – Oh hey!”

Another bear had appeared; this one with an apron around her waist. She put down the bowl she was carrying in front of Goldilocks, gave Sasuke something akin to a smile, and then shuffled away with other bowl with its ‘cold’ contents.

“Just right!”

After the initial taste and a shout the food lasted approximately twenty-eight seconds. When Goldilocks sat back with a contented sigh, Sasuke took his chance to speak.

“They call me Red Riding Hood.”

Goldi blinked. “You’re the Red Riding Hood?”

Sasuke nodded.

“Wow! Wolf killer and hunter extraordinaire. Whatcha doing out of the Dark Forest?”

Sasuke gave a non-committal shrug. He wasn’t going to explain himself to this idiot.

“You don’t talk much do ya?”

As far as Sasuke was concerned, this guy talked too much.

“Its kind funny how we both ended up with descriptive names… as if nobody could come up with anything better. You can call me Naruto though, that’s my real name.”

Sasuke smirked. “That’s even more stupid that Goldilocks.”

“Hey!”

“I’m Sasuke.”

“So Sasuke… what’s a pretty guy like you doing in a place like this?”

Sasuke considered the distance between Naruto’s neck and the blade of his knife. “I’m on a journey.”

“What kind?” Eyes bright Naruto leaned forward, shortening the distance Sasuke would have to reach in order to sever a major artery.

“One that involves me taking a break from killing wolves.” How many kinds of journey’s could there be anyway?

“Oh I see! You’re taking a vacation!”

The knife slid halfway from its sheath.

“Are you planning on getting laid on your vacation? Because if you are, I could totally help you with that.”

“… what?” Forgotten the knife slid safely away and Sasuke stared incredulously into a wide, grinning face. “What?!”

“Jeez, don’t sound so scandalized. All I have for company here are bears and if you’ve ever tried-“

“No, I haven’t.” Sasuke hurriedly interjected.

“Well anyway, if you don’t want to play…” Naruto chewed absently on his bottom lip and Sasuke frowned. Something was brewing in that head. “… I will come with you!”

Oh darn. “No.”

“It’ll be great. I need a break too. All they expect me to do all day is complain. ‘This is too hot’ and ‘this chair is too soft’ and you know what, there’s only so much whining one person can do. I happen to actually like really, really soft chairs.” Naruto’s grin grew wider. “We’ll have great time together! I’ll go get my bags!”


---

And that was how Sasuke found himself in the company of Naruto ‘Goldilocks’; a most irritating individual who didn’t know how to shut up for five minutes. Only an hour into the journey and Sasuke had learnt all of the details in Naruto’s life, including likes and dislikes, a history lesson on his former talking pet Spoon (who had run away with Dish from down the road) and his various sexual quirks. While the last was at least mildly interesting (although the demonstrations were somewhat disturbing), Sasuke was growing sick of hearing about how broken-hearted Naruto had been over his Spoon leaving… especially when the blonde kept breaking into random giggling its.

“And then I said ‘this bed is too hard’ and he’s like ‘well you’re going to be on the bottom so what do I care?’ so I told him that if he was going to be inconsiderate of my needs then he was getting jack shit from me and kicked him out. Jeez, I haven’t been laid in like six months or something. I totally nearly jumped you when you walked in but you seemed pretty handy with a knife and not even I am willing to risk my life for a fuck.”

Naruto laughed and elbowed his companion in the side playfully. Sasuke wasn’t listening. He had come to a complete halt.

“Naruto…”

“Yeah?”

“What would you call that?”

Naruto followed Sasuke’s line of gaze to a spot directly on the path before them, where a creature was sitting. “Uh… a frog… with a… crown on its head.” He replied hesitantly.

“That’s what I thought.” Sasuke’s hand instantly dropped to his handy, well-used knife.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “What is it with you? You’ve already cut the tails off three mice. Are you going to maim or kill every small animal that we come across?”

“Only the ones that annoy me.” Sasuke was frowning at Naruto, confused by the direction the conversation was going. If something annoyed him it usually didn’t live long. It was their fault for being annoying.

How exactly Naruto had survived this long was a mystery. Maybe it was the blue eyes?

“Well, it has to stop.” Naruto said with a firm nod.

“… stop?” Poor Red sounded very confused.

The frog croaked.

Both men looked around at the green critter. As they watched, it retrieved a small black baor from the bushes nearby and began to write on it with a piece of chalk.

Please kiss me

“Why?” Naruto asked as he crouched down.

I am a frog prince

Sasuke frowned. “You don’t look like a prince.”

I have a crown

“He’s got ya there.” Naruto sniggered.

“I’m not kissing it.” Sasuke’s tone was final.

Please kiss me!

“Well I don’t want to do it!”

“After the bears I’m sure a frog will be easy.”

“I’ll get warts.”

“No you won’t.”

“But-“

“Just do it!”

Naruo gave a dramatic sniffle. “Fine.” He reached out and The Frog Prince jumped into his hands. “Here I go.” He lifted the frog up and kissed it on what he assumed was the lips bit, face crinkled with distaste.

There was a bang and a puff of smoke and Naruto fell backwards a heavy weight on his chest. When the smoke cleared the blonde stared up into the face of a gangly youth, who was dressed in very green, somewhat princely clothing.

“Thaaaankyou!” The Prince exclaimed and gave the squirming Naruto a tight hug.

“Heeelp! Get it off.” This frog dude was not the kind of guy Naruto wanted a hug from.

No help would be coming from Sasuke. When Naruto finally managed to sit up, with the Prince sprawled in his lap, Sasuke appeared to be having a minor fit.

Wait a second. Lowered face, shoulders shaking, flushed cheeks. That bastard was laughing!

Naruto would have smacked the guy upside the head if he wasn’t sitting on the ground with a froggy prince in his lap.

“Hey, hey. I’m Prince Lee! I need your help.” Lee was staring at Naruto with wide, loving eyes.”

“Um, I already did… you know, the kiss.”

“Oh no, something different. The Ugly Duckling has been kidnapped and I need you two to get him back. The poor little guy.”

Sasuke was no longer laughing. “We’re not doing that.”

“Er..” The Prince gave them a sheepish smile. “You kind of… don’t have a choice. If you don’t get him back in three days… you both turn into frogs.”

Red Riding Hood looked murderous.

Goldilocks looked a little green already.

“I don’t wanna be a frog Saaaasuke.”

“Sorry guys.” Lee finally got up, bringing a sobbing Naruto along with him. “There’s a little pond just off the path. I’ll be waiting for you there…” Upon seeing Sasuke’s face Lee quickly added. “And you’ll turn into tadpoles the second my blood is spilt... so, er..”

“Sasuke…?” Tear filled blue eyes were very effective.

“Where is the duck?” Sasuke asked, left eye twitching rather noticeably.

Lee lifted a finger and waggled it around as he spoke. “You have to continue through the forest go through the two and then another forest. You should eventually find a beanstalk. In the land the beanstalk leads to, is where the duckling is.”

“Fine.” Sasuke spat out the words. “I’ll kill you after we get the duck.” He stalked off, dragging Naruto behind him.


Is Sasuke a little too blood thristy? Did you guys see that rock it was totally wearing a wig? What sort of stuff did Naruto get up to with those bears? Oh... and are they going to find the duck or be turned into frogs? Find out of the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!