Hunger

Disclaimer: 'Naruto' belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
Warnings: yaoi, INCEST, NON-CONSENSUAL, AU.
Pairings: At first KankuroxGaara but eventually GaaraxNaruto.
Note: Thoughts and flashbacks are in italics.

A/N: There's a non-consensual scene in this chapter and some people might not want to read it. If you feel you don't want to read that part, please skip it because I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I've marked that part between 'XXX's so that you know what part to skip.

Chapter 2: The past

It hurt when the clothes chafed the cuts on Gaara's body. He didn't have to do anything, just breathe, and the wounds would remind him of their existence. The exhaustion of not having had any sleep was bugging him as well, making him grumpier than usual. He didn't let any of the suffering show on his face, though.

He hoped that this day would be better than the previous one. Hopefully no one would pick a fight with him at school, since he doubted he could perform very well in his current condition. The idea of being in the classes didn't thrill him but the thought of returning home after the school was even less appealing. Fortunately Kankuro had an evening shift today, so the older brother wouldn't be home when he returned.

"Morning!" someone yelled cheerfully at him.

Gaara glanced over his shoulder only to see that the annoying blond was harassing him again.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," Gaara said, fastening his pace.

"Oh come on! It's only morning and you're already sulking and stuff. Besides, why do you wanna be left alone?" Naruto asked, hoping that the fierce redhead wouldn't attack him for such a question.

"It's none of your business," Gaara retorted. He didn't want to get attached to anyone. He just wasn't a person who was meant to have normal human relationships, like friendship. Besides, he didn't need a friend, he didn't want one. He could very well manage alone.

On the other hand, it would be dangerous to let people close. He didn't want anyone knowing about his business. Kankuro could get in trouble and he didn't want to increase his brother's pain.

To his comfort, they were already on the school grounds. In hope of getting rid of the blond, Gaara walked briskly to the main doors of the building, heading to his locker. However, the nuisance seemed to have his locker near Gaara's. The hallway was deserted, since it was still 15 minutes 'till the classes would begin.

"No one should be left alone," Naruto stated pensively as he stared at the redhead in black. This time, the said redhead turned his gaze and met the deep blue orbs.

"Don't measure me by your own beliefs. I don't need company," Gaara snapped.

"I don't believe that. Everyone needs a friend," Naruto defended. He remembered all too well his own days of solitude when he had no one to spend time with.

"And why are you so sure I even want a friend?" Gaara said, spitting out the last word.

"Because... I used to be like you," Naruto said, meaning well. He had been lonely, too. He had been frustrated and angry at people for ignoring him. Naruto rummaged his locker, searching for books, unaware that the careless words put him in danger.

Gaara slammed the locker's door shut with force, causing Naruto to wince. His anger rising higher, the redhead advanced to the perplexed blond. With one swift hand movement, he gripped the other boy's throat and pushed him against the locker doors. The sudden action caused Naruto to drop his books to the floor.

"You are nothing like me!" Gaara said in a dangerously low voice. His jade green eyes sparkled with fury as he tightened the hold. The cuts on his body hurt but he ignored the ache. He would gladly beat up the blond right now but he was positive he would get into trouble for it. He didn't need any more problems, so he tried to control his urges.

Naruto was shocked and wordless. Gaara was... strangling him! And strangling forcefully, by the way. Breathing was growing harder each moment. A chill ran down Naruto's spine. He hadn't seen this coming. Naruto couldn't help but look intensively into the jade orbs, feeling like they were piercing him in a very disturbing way. He could even feel his knees grow weak under the sinister stare.

His cheeks were burning and he feared it had nothing to do with the lack of oxygen. Was is just him, or had it gotten warmer in here? Naruto only now realized how close they were each other. He could practically feel Gaara's bodyheat through the fabric. Now that he saw it from close, Gaara's skin really was flawless. It looked soft, like the red hair and the lips...

Wait a minute! Naruto screamed inside his head. Now was not the time to think things like these! He was being strangled, for god's sake! Willing the thoughts out of his mind, Naruto collected himself. It was time to get out of this situation.

"I... I was lonely, too," Naruto managed to whisper the words. The death grip made it hard for him to speak.

After a small pause, he continued, "No one liked me because I was an outcast. People looked down on me and I got into fights." Naruto hoped his words would have the right effect, because he just wanted to show the redhead that he understood him, in a way.

"Don't think you know me!" Gaara growled, jerking Naruto so that the blond's head hit the locker door. Naruto growled in pain, closing his eyes momentarily. The redhead tightened the grip and let his nails dug slightly into the tanned flesh. As his prey's face turned redder, a mischievous glint appeared into his green eyes. He didn't feel any remorse for releasing his frustration and anger on the helpless boy. A slight feeling of satisfaction came into his mind because he wasn't the hapless victim this time.

"Stay away from me," Gaara hissed angrily, not taking his eyes off the blond's reddened face.

With that said, he released his hold and walked away.

Naruto slid to the floor, holding his throat. It hurt so much that he didn't even dare to gulp. He hoped that the grip hadn't left any marks on his skin, for the orange T-shirt he wore did nothing to hide any kind of bruises on his neck. Thankfully the hallway was deserted and no one saw the state he was in.

The doubt slowly crept into Naruto's mind. Was it such a good idea after all to try and befriend Gaara? Would it be smarter to just leave him be? Shaking his head in frustration, Naruto broke out of his unsureness. He was not going to give up now. Naruto shivered a little when he thought how close Gaara had been to him. But he couldn't help the way he felt. Something in the redhead appealed to him.

Finally gulping, Naruto stood up and gathered the books he had dropped. Shutting his locker door, he thought about Gaara again. The redhead was harder to approach than he had assumed. Giving up had never been an option to Naruto and so he decided he wouldn't let Gaara languish in his solitude, no matter how much the redhead claimed to enjoy it.

On his way to his first lesson Naruto met Kiba and a long-haired boy called Neji, who were chatting quietly. He walked up to them, glad at the chance of wiping away the thoughts about his latest encounter with the infamous redhead.

"Hello, Naruto!" Kiba greeted when he saw his friend. Neji only nodded.

"Hi guys," the blond replied, feeling his spirits already rising. The day seemed to get better and his mind was already pushing the recent violent experience out of his consciousness.

An awkward silence suddenly fell upon them, when Kiba and Neji stared at him in a weird fashion. Naruto blinked, not understanding what his friends were so astonished about.

"Uh... Is there something wrong?" the blond boy asked, rubbing the back of his head. He didn't like how oppressive the atmosphere had suddenly gotten.

"What happened to your neck!?" Kiba yelled, looking at Naruto's exposed throat. There were visible scratch marks and even some reddened parts on the boy's neck. Glancing at the blond friend of his, he saw that the blue eyes reflected pain and uneasyness.

"Naruto! Tell me what happened!" Kiba insisted. He had his hand on the blond's shoulder and he stared at him, without blinking. Neji was leaning closer to Naruto, too, examining the marks.

"Oh come on, it's nothing, really. I just.... um..." Naruto trailed off, cursing his bad lying abilities. He had no time to make up a white lie when Neji cut off his stuttering.

"Lying is useless. I can tell that these are freshly made and with force. Who did this to you? And don't even try to lie, you're awful at it" Neji stated, giving Naruto a studying look.

"No, it's nothing! I... umm... I guess I massaged my neck and shoulders too forcefully, they're so tense, you see?" Naruto laughed nervously while stuttering the ridiculous lie. What a stupid and unconvincing lie. He really wished he could disappear.

Neji sighed and closed his eyes. Naruto's story was really far-fetched.

"Don't tell me... Naruto, don't tell me it was him!" Kiba shouted as realization hit him, shaking Naruto by the shoulders. He had warned him about the freaky redhead. Why hadn't Naruto believed him?

"Was it Gaara?" Neji asked, too.

Both Kiba and Neji were staring at Naruto. The blond sighed, seeing he couldn't get out of this.

"Well, I kinda walked with him to school today, and when we were here I told him that we were alike. I think that made him mad, and he told me to stay away from him," Naruto told the story shortly.

He knew Kiba was going to scold him the rest of the day and remind him that he had warned him. Kiba would positively nag him that the mission 'befriend Gaara' was sure to fail, no matter how much Naruto argued back.

"You see! I told you he was a freak!" Kiba shouted again, his voice echoing in the hallway.

"I think you should stay away from him, Naruto," Neji said in a serious voice.

Before the blond boy had a chance to defend himself, the bell rang. For the first time in his life, Naruto was relieved of the fact that classes were about to begin. He would have an hour or so free from his concerned friends' nagging.

With a quick bye, Naruto stormed to his class in a swirl of orange and yellow, leaving Kiba and Neji standing on the spot.

"Argh... He's so stubborn! Do you think we had any influence on him?" Kiba asked, glancing at the boy next to him.

"I don't think so. Poor Naruto, he always has to learn everything the hard way," Neji sighed, walking towards their next class.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just so worried about him," Kiba answered, following Neji to the classroom.

-----

It was lunch break and Naruto and Shikamaru were glancing through the school cafeteria, looking for someone familiar to sit with. Amongst the grey mass of students Naruto made out a mop of red hair.

"Hey, let's go over there," the blond boy suggested, already going towards Gaara's direction.

"Are you sure it's wise after what he did to you? From what Kiba told me, he treated you pretty badly," Shikamaru answered.

"Nah, come on! He won't do anything when there's so many people around us," Naruto assured confidently.

"All right then but if he's gonna hurt you again, I'm not gonna save you," Shikamaru replied. He sighed inwardly at the situation. People's relationships were way too troublesome and he had no interest in meddling in them.

Gaara sat in silence as he quietly ate his food. He hoped Naruto would leave him be after what he had done to him. Surely the blond wouldn't be as stupid as to come and bother him again? He had been cold to him, snapped at him, threatened him and finally hurt him physically. If that wouldn't keep a person at bay, then what would?

He couldn't understand why a person like Naruto was suddenly so keen on him. To his knowledge, he hadn't done anything to deserve the continuous harassment from the blond. It wasn't normal that he was shown attention. All his life he had been either ignored or scolded at, until he was left alone with Kankuro. He was sure that he wasn't meant to socialize with others or to have friends, ever. Besides, he lacked the social skills.

"Hi Gaara! Do you mind if me and Shikamaru sit here?" Naruto asked over-happily, lowering his food tray to the table. No surprise, the table Gaara had chosen was empty. No one ever wanted to sit near him.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Gaara lifted his gaze to look curiously at the blond and the other, ponytailed boy. He glanced around the cafeteria and when he saw that there were no empty tables to be found elsewhere, he made no attempt to leave.

"I thought I made it perfectly clear that I don't need company. Or have you forgotten about this morning?" Gaara said, glancing at Naruto. There were still some marks on the blond's neck, the redhead noticed, then sighed. Against all odds, Naruto was here again, paining him with his presence. The redhead didn't know what he should do anymore to make the blond leave him alone.

A quick glance to the jade orbs assured Naruto that the redhead was not aggressive, only cautious. If Gaara thought he could scare him away so easily, he was deadly wrong.

"Then you don't know that I'm this school's number one most stubborn student," Naruto replied, not letting the cold comment sink his feelings. "How's your day been?" he asked after a pause, smiling widely. He didn't feel like smiling but it was a mask he was used to wearing.

"Fine until you came here," Gaara answered calmly, taking a bite of his food.

Shikamaru looked from Gaara to Naruto, trying to interpret the atmosphere. He had no idea why Naruto wanted to hang around with this guy. Shikamaru didn't care about the rumours or to judge the redhead but wasn't interested in hanging around with him, either.

"My day has been good, too," Naruto answered, ignoring the nasty edge in Gaara's comment. "Shikamaru and I had just history and jeez, that was boring! I almost fell asleep in there! Thanks to Shikamaru, I didn't. Otherwise I would've surely gotten detention," Naruto explained as he wolfed down his meal.

Gaara wondered how this Shikamaru stood up with Naruto. The blond was quite lively, not to mention talkative. The ponytailed boy seemed to be slightly bored as he quietly ate his food. Thankfully the boy was quiet, for Gaara was sure he wouldn't stand two people babbling non-stop.

"What's your favorite subject by the way?" Naruto asked suddenly, his meal already finished.

"Art, I guess," Gaara replied after a pause.

He didn't like how the blond smiled at him or how he was friendly to him. He wasn't accustomed to it. He was accustomed to solitude and prejudices, doubt and cautiousness. The smiling was probably the worst part. It made him feel... strange. Like he was a little more accepted. Gaara shuddered - he denied that the blond would have that kind of effect on him.

"You like to draw, then?" Naruto asked casually, a friendly smile once again gracing his lips. Things were going smoothly this time, fortunately.

"Hmm," was all Gaara said.

He still had food on his plate but he didn't feel like eating the cold leftovers. It was still a couple more hours until the school day was over. Then, he would be able to escape into his beloved cellar where no one could reach out for him. There, he could be alone with his thoughts.

Shikamaru stood up and explained he had to see some of his friends before the lunch break ended. With that, Naruto and Gaara were left alone in the now half deserted cafeteria. The cuts were hurting, bringing Gaara flashbacks of last night. All the thoughts of smiles and violence and the hours he'd been awake at night made him feel nauseous. With his appetite gone, Gaara stood up and made his leave, too.

"What do you like to draw?" came a rushed question as Naruto followed him out of the cafeteria.

With one cold stare at the blond, Gaara made it clear that he wasn't going to answer. As he walked, his clothes nastily chafed the cuts, making him feel the pain again. What hurt more, though, was the memory behind the wounds. Suddenly he felt very, very tired. Finally, the sleeplessness was taking its toll. He felt like skipping the rest of his classes but it wouldn't go unnoticed. He didn't mind so much about the teachers but if Kankuro found out, there would be no end of nagging about the importance of school and education.

"Are you alright? You look pale. I mean, paler than usual," Naruto asked as he looked at the boy walking beside him.

"I'm fine. And why do you care?" Gaara said. With every minute, his eyelids grew heavier. The stimulative effect of the morning coffee was wearing off.

"Should I stop caring, then? Should I just ignore you? That's not how people treat each other," Naruto replied. He was sick of people's ignorance and indifference. A long time ago he had made a decision not to ignore the wrongs he saw.

"No, it's exactly how people treat each other," Gaara corrected him. He didn't feel sympathy for strangers and therefore he didn't expect any caring from them, either.

"But it shouldn't be that way. C'mon, I'll take you to the nurse's office," Naruto said determination in his voice as he grabbed Gaara's arm. Naruto eyed the redhead warily. The boy looked ill and his legs seemed to grow wobblier with each step.

A wave of horror washed over Gaara, making him ignore the fact that the blond boy was touching him. For a moment, he was fully awake from his drowsy state. There was no way he would go to the nurse. What if the nurse wanted to check his heartbeat? Then he would be forced to lift his shirt and reveal the wounds. That, if nothing, would raise some unwanted questions.

"No!" Gaara said a bit too loudly. "I mean, no. I'm not going there," he then corrected with a calmer voice. He was just tired, that's all. Propably a cup of coffee would fix everything but unfortunately, the school cafeteria hadn't any to offer. It would be best if he got to his cellar and...

He stumbled, losing his balance and was about to fall when Naruto tightened the grip, preventing him from falling. The blond lifted Gaara to his feet and made sure he could stand again. Still, he didn't let go, as if fearing Gaara would fall again.

"Don't be ridiculous. What are you gonna do then, go to the class and faint there?" Naruto asked. To be honest, he was afraid that Gaara would pass out any moment.

"I'm going home. I just need to sleep a little," the redhead replied. He started to walk again and it was then that he noticed the blond was holding his arm. "Let go of me," Gaara growled in annoyance, trying to shake the boy off. That kind of grip was... oppressive. It made him feel like he was captive, stripped off of his free will to get away.

"But then you could stumble again and hit your head or something. So no, I'm not letting go. It's not like I'm gonna hurt you or anything," Naruto spoke. Despite fact that the redhead tried to yank his arm free a couple of times, Naruto didn't let go.

The bell rang, signaling that the lunch break was over.

"We need to wait a little until everyone's in the classes. That way no one will notice our leaving," Naruto explained as he stopped.

"We? Our leaving? What the hell are you talking about," Gaara asked. He tried to free his arm again, without a result.

"You don't seriously think I'm gonna let you wobble home in a state like this. You could get hit by a car or worse," Naruto replied. When he couldn't hear any footsteps or noises from students anymore he started walking again, heading to the school's front door.

"It isn't any of your concern," Gaara huffed. If he now let the blond lead him home, there would be no way he could get rid of him later. Besides, he didn't want to be in a debt of gratitude to anyone. He was already in one to Kankuro and it made his life way too complicated.

Naruto sighed and after a pause, spoke, "It is. I already told you why."

"But you're gonna miss your classes as well," Gaara pointed out. He wasn't going to believe that someone - a stranger much less - would skip school for just his well-being's sake. At least he wouldn't do such a favor to anyone.

"It's alright. I might've gotten a detention anyway for falling asleep in class, so it doesn't make much difference, now does it?" Naruto said as he smiled happily to Gaara. The grin assured Gaara that the blond was serious this time.

"You're weird," Gaara huffed. All the talking and arguing, not to mention mental pondering about Naruto's... friendliness, if that was the correct term, made him feel even more tired.

Slowly, they made their way towards Gaara's house. The redhead was yawning every now and then and sometimes he even closed his eyes for a while. Naruto didn't babble like usual, for he thought it wouldn't be right to exhaust Gaara with questions and trivial things.

Near his home Gaara stopped abruptly. What if Kankuro hadn't left for work and was still home? Would he get scolded for skipping classes? When Naruto looked at him worriedly and asked if he was feeling okay, he just nodded and continued walking. After a couple of steps he could see the home yard and to his relief, Kankuro's car was nowhere to be seen. His brother wasn't home, anymore.

In no time they were on the front door of Gaara's house. Naruto turned to look at the redhead, who searched his bag for keys.

"Will you be okay?" the blond asked.

"Yeah..." Gaara replied, opening the door. He couldn't thank the blond. That would mean he admitted he was grateful. The blond boy was an annoyance. There was no need to encourage him to continue his harassing.

Gaara glanced at Naruto but this time he couldn't master the icy stare the way he had before. Cursed blonde. It was all the boy's fault that Gaara felt a bit easier now. Even the wounds had ceased to remind of their existence for a moment. Damn the blond.

The redhead slid through the doorway and slammed the door shut in front of his escort, before the strange feelings could get any stronger. He wobbled to his room, too tired to go to the cellar he usually favoured, and collapsed onto the bed, falling asleep immediately.

-----

Naruto was walking home. There would be no point in going back to school, since the class he had missed was almost over by now. Would Gaara be alright? He had looked way too sleep-deprived since morning.

Was is just his imagination or had the redhead been a bit uneasy about going home? Naruto had never been to his house and wondered what it was like. His own home was small and humble, but a home nevertheless. He pondered if he'd dare to ask Gaara over his place some day. They could hang around, watch a movie or play games.

His hand still felt warm, the feeling of Gaara's arm lingering on it. Gaara had been so close to him the whole way to his home. He knew it was stupid of him to think like that, but he couldn't shake off the giddiness that filled him. But he wasn't supposed to feel like that - all he was looking from Gaara was friendship, right?

At home, Naruto dropped his school bag to the floor and collapsed onto the couch. It was 2:14 p.m. and he had nothing to do, except his homework. It was always so lonely here, after Iruka gone. Kiba was often too busy to hang around with the blond after school. Shikamaru, for one, had other friends he rather spend his freetime with. Sometimes Naruto hung around with Neji but it was really rare. They weren't so close friends, after all.

Naruto let out a sigh. If only Gaara would allow him closer, they could be together more often. They were almost neighbours and to his knowledge, Gaara didn't have that many friends who'd take all of his freetime. What had happened this morning was still fresh in Naruto's mind. It wouldn't be too easy to crack the redhead's shell open.

But then again, when he had escorted Gaara, the redhead hadn't been so annoyed anymore. Naruto had noticed that the last look Gaara had given him wasn't the one of fury or cold indifference. The jade eyes had reflected something else, which Naruto couldn't quite put a finger to. Maybe he had succeeded in getting a bit closer to Gaara? He certainly hoped so.

Gaara's arm had felt so warm and soft, even though he had made out the muscles. The drowsy redhead hadn't been as intimidating as the fiery one in the morning. It had been easier to be around Gaara when the intense jade eyes had been hazy and half-closed, because Naruto always felt like the green orbs could pierce his very soul and see the depths of it.

Naruto couldn't get Gaara's sleepy face out of his mind. The redhead was probably fast asleep right now. What would he look like when he slept? Peaceful? Or perhaps he was intimidating, even then? It would surely be nice to lay beside sleeping Gaara and wrap my arm around him, hold him close. And perhaps smooth down the soft hair and— No wait, he hadn't just thought that.

Naruto got up from the couch, shaking off all the thoughts about the redhead who seemed to have conquered his mind.

It was 4:02 p.m. when he glanced at the clock. Oh god, he hadn't just spend two hours thinking about Gaara, had he? He hadn't noticed the time slip by... Naruto groaned. Did he really have it that bad for Gaara?

-----

He didn't know how long he had slept. The house was dark and no lamps were lit. Was it night already? Kankuro was surely home by now. Gaara listened carefully but didn't hear a sound from the other rooms of the house. Maybe the older brother was asleep already. Turning his back to the doorway, Gaara began to dwell in his thoughts like so many times before.

It had been two years since Temari had left. Soon after her move Kankuro had started to approach Gaara in a curious way. At first the brunette had shown gentleness to him by caressing his hair and face. He hadn't seen anything dangerous in those seemingly innocent acts and had enjoyed the contact. To him, who had never been willingly shown affection by anyone, not by his father, uncle or sister, the caresses and tokens of brotherly love from Kankuro were a new sensation.

Seeing that the redhead didn't flinch his touch, Kankuro had expanded their intimacy to another level. He had told Gaara that it was perfectly okay for him to touch his little brother and kiss him, that it was his way of showing his love. Gaara had been confused. It had felt so wrong and disgusting, at first.

Thanks to Kankuro's manipulations, he didn't question their doings so often in the time being. Unable to win over his loneliness, the redhead had somewhat succumbed, afraid that he'd lose the only person who understood him. Slowly, Gaara started to enjoy the sensual caresses and the more intimate contact he shared with Kankuro. The older brother always took care of his pleasure, making sure he didn't feel uncomfortable. Gaara tried to accept the way his brother showed him love. It had to be love, because of any other kind of love he had no experience of.

In the time being, Kankuro's mental state worsened and the brunette started to lose himself every a couple of months. During those episodes, which the older brother never really seemed to remember afterwards, his behavior turned violent and unpredictable.

The mood swings scared Gaara, who had no idea how to help his brother. He couldn't blame his brother, because in his heart he knew that Kankuro wasn't his normal self during the mental collapses. After the episodes it wasn't rare for Gaara to have cuts, bites or bruises on his skin. He was used to hiding them, though, but he wished he wouldn't have to go through it all.

In his normal state of mind, Kankuro was like another person - calm, caring and pleasant, making Gaara feel comfortable, wanted and loved. On those days, the two of them almost acted like normal brothers - playing games, going shopping or making dinner together.

However, the threat of violence hanging in the air was every now and then present, making Gaara cautious around Kankuro. Fortunately, he had learned to predict the brunette's oncoming mood swings pretty well. During the episodes, Gaara knew he should either run away from the house or hide in the cellar, to where Kankuro didn't want to follow him.

Unlike during the mood swings when Gaara's fate depended on how fast he could run, when Kankuro was his normal self, Gaara had no escape. Kankuro seldom took 'no' for an answer and if his desires were hindered, he turned angrier and started to act impatiently.

At the moment, Kankuro was standing in the doorway of Gaara's room, looking at the still form in bed. The redhead looked so vulnerable that it almost tore him in two. He wanted to do something right, to make things up again. He slowly advanced to the laying figure, not making a sound. Gaara when Kankuro lowered onto the bed to lay beside him.

"Kankuro..." Gaara whispered, not caring to turn around and face his brother. "Why aren't the lights on?"

The brunette wrapped his arms around the redhead, pulling him closer. He wasn't tired but at the moment, he could lay like this for eternity. He loved his little brother so much it pained him. It pained because he had hurt him again, yesterday. The darkness eased him because in the dark, his own flaws seemed smaller. He wanted only to feel Gaara and hear him. He wanted to hear the forgiveness but didn't want to see the face which spoke it. It would be too much to look into the jade pools right now.

"It's better in the dark," Kankuro replied. His warm breath hit Gaara's ear and he gently placed a kiss on the neck. "I'm so sorry," the brunette spoke and closed his eyes.

Gaara was silent for the lack of words. The warmness emitting from Kankuro felt nice against his back. In the distance he could hear a clock ticking and wondered what time it was.

"They called me at work saying you skipped some classes today," Kankuro spoke. Instead of angry, his voice was calm and soft. "You must've been tired after everything... It's all my fault," he continued, embracing his little brother a bit tighter.

"Don't say that. It's not your fault," Gaara replied, craning his neck to look at the brunette, who kept his eyes closed like a death-sentenced waiting for the last shot. Slowly, Kankuro opened his eyes and saw the jade orbs. He let out a deep sigh, his warm breath hitting Gaara's cheek again. There it was, the forgiveness. It was like a weight had lifted from his chest.

A joyful feeling was slowly filling him. He stroked Gaara's cheek with his fingers and Gaara's face towards his own, engaging them into a kiss. He felt so happy and light. More than anything, he wanted to show his little brother that he could be gentle and loving. He wanted Gaara to feel good, really good.

"Let's go to the shower. Your make-up is probably all smeared from sleeping," Kankuro said, getting up from the bed and almost dragging Gaara with him.

"I'll get shower in the morning," Gaara answered quickly. He was reluctant to enter the bathroom with Kankuro. The place held some bad memories.

"Come on Gaara... I won't hurt you ever again, I promise," Kankuro whispered as he led Gaara to the ominous bathroom. The redhead had no chance to back off, like he hadn't had two years ago...

-----

XXX

Gaara was in the shower, washing his hair when Kankuro joined him. Gaara looked at him before closing his eyes as the water ran over his face, rinsing the shampoo away. The brunette reached for the soap and just stood there, looking at the water running freely down his little brother's body, caressing the pale skin.

Taking a deep breath, Kankuro closed the distance between them. He held Gaara in an embrace at first, but slowly removed his other hand to touch the behind, while his other hand sensually brushed the redhead's member.

"Kankuro!? What the hell are you doing?" the redhead shouted, perplexed at the sudden, weird actions.

"Shh... It's okay, we can do this. You remember when I told you what people who love each other do? It's okay for us, too," the brunette aswered gently. He placed soft kisses on Gaara's neck and started to stroke the younger male's member.

"But I don't want to do this... Not this, Kankuro!" the redhead defended, trying to free himself from Kankuro's hold.

Kankuro didn't respond. With light force, he lowered Gaara to the floor and pinned the smaller body down with his own. Gaara made attempts to get up, for he didn't like the cold shower floor, even though the water was warming him.

"I want to get up, let me go," Gaara spoke, trying to push his brother away.

"But you liked the other things, remember? You'll like this one, too. Just trust me," Kankuro assured. He knew the redhead wouldn't agree to this at first, so he had prepared to convince him.

"Now, relax," he said, sliding his soaped fingers between the redhead's legs while he gently bit the tender area below Gaara's ear. Feeling the fingers inside of him, Gaara objected more and tried to stop his brother. The feeling was weird. He didn't like it.

"Get off! Don't do this... why?" Gaara shouted, pushing the other male away with all his power, even though it didn't do much good.

"You will like this, I promise. You know I've always taken care of you? I won't let anything bad happen to you..." the brunette whispered, hoping the redhead would stop throwing his fists at him before he was all black and blue.

The older of the brothers stopped biting and instead placed soft kisses along the redhead's jawline and neck, all the while pushing his fingers deeper and strecthing the ring of muscles. He stroked Gaara's member a bit faster, eager to make the younger one relax.

The sudden pleasure made Gaara let out a quiet moan, not opposing Kankuro's acts as much as before. For a moment, the caresses distracted him from the feeling that what they were doing was wrong.

M-maybe he knows what he's doing, maybe this is love, Gaara reasoned in panic, trying to find even a little bit of logic in his confusion. Still, after the brief moment of enjoyment, he couldn't shake off the feeling that this shouldn't be happening.

Kankuro knew what power a simple caress or kiss held over the redhead, and he didn't hesitate to use it to his own advantage. He couldn't fully explain to himself why he wanted to subdue his little brother. He only felt the burning need to do it, for he believed that by doing it he could ease the memory of the horrors he had endured, thanks to their twisted uncle.

"This doesn't feel right, Kankuro... Can't you let me go? I don't want this," Gaara said in a quiet voice, looking straight into the black, bottomless eyes.

Kankuro knew that pleading yet sorrowful look, for he had once had it too. But he couldn't turn back now - there was too much desire, hatred and pain in him to stop this. Kankuro removed his fingers and put his hardened, soaped lenght on Gaara's entrance.

"Forgive me," the brunette breathed while pushing his member tentatively inside. The sudden change confused Gaara and he started to squirm again, pushing Kankuro away.

"AAA! Kankuro... no, please, it hurts!" Gaara groaned, trying his everything to get away.

In order to get control over the situation the older male kissed the younger one while thrusting deeper inside. Gaara's shout of pain was muffled by Kankuro's lips while his hands desperately pushed the brunette away. Knowing that their first time should be pleasurable to the redhead, Kankuro broke the kiss and looked Gaara in the eyes.

"You're gonna enjoy this too, in the end," he said in a soothing voice, squeezing Gaara's member in his hand.

If Gaara didn't like this the first time, it would be really hard to get him to do this in the future, Kankuro reasoned. Pushing carefully deeper, he finally hit Gaara's prostate, causing the redhead to let out a sharp cry of pleasure.

Pleased at the sound, Kankuro continued stroking Gaara as he nibbled the redhead's earlobe. Gaara's wails slowly changed into moans, even though he almost drew blood when his grip on the brunette's back tightened.

Gaara's tightness was almost too much for Kankuro to bear but if he wanted to make this as he had planned, he couldn't let himself come before the redhead. Biting the tender spot below his little brother's ear he fastened the stroking, pleased when he heard Gaara's moans grew louder.

A long time ago both of them had ignored the still running water and the fact that Gaara had still some shampoo in his hair. Gaara's fingers clawed at Kankuro's back feverishly as he was coming closer to the edge, as twisted as the pleasure was. The redhead squirmed under the brunette before finally climaxing, spilling white liquid all over his stomach and his brother's hand.

Kankuro looked at the redhead beneath him. The younger male's cheeks were mildly blushed and his eyelids were sliding almost close, hiding the hazy look in the green eyes. The sight of Gaara's innocence was too much for Kankuro. He, too, reached his climax soon, thrusting hungrily in the redhead. Releasing himself inside Gaara, he panted heavily, not tearing his gaze away from the redhead.

He was a little mad at himself for doing this to his little brother. Soon, the feelings of guilt mixed with pleasure and hunger and some darker emotion, rage-like, which had inhabited his mind since childhood.

-----

The brothers were in the bathroom again and like before, Gaara was washing himself. When he was ready and about to leave, a grip on his arm told him not to go. Like a long time ago, Kankuro lowered Gaara to the floor and settled between his legs. Not wasting any time, he buried Gaara's length into his mouth, pleased that it grew hard instantly. To add the redhead's pleasure, Kankuro pushed a finger inside. After a moment of stretching, he added a second one.

Gaara didn't say a word but let it happen. There would be no escape, anyway. He stared at the poison green tiles on the walls, ignoring the cold that came when water was drying on his skin. His thoughts soon became blurred as the pleasure increased. His moans grew louder and echoed in the bathroom as he came closer to the edge. He was about to come and drown in the bliss of pleasure when the feeling suddenly ended.

Kankuro smirked at him when their eyes met. "Beg me," he said.

"...Please," Gaara whispered with a voice full of need. He was annoyed that the wonderful feeling had abruptly ended - it was mean of Kankuro to stop when he was just about to come. When nothing happened, he said a bit louder, "Please, Kankuro..."

This time, the brunette smiled wickedly and slid his own pulsing member inside the redhead. His other hand sneaked down to stroke Gaara's twitching length. Gaara stared past Kankuro to the ceiling, hoping he would get past the slight pain and get into the bliss he was in moments ago.

This probably didn't differ at all from what had happened two years ago, but to Gaara it was all the same. Maybe he was now co-operating because he didn't fight back like then. Fighting back was useless. Things wouldn't change. He had learned that it was less painful to go along and concentrate on the pleasure.

He tightened his hold on Kankuro, bringing their bodies closer. At the moment, right or wrong didn't matter, laws didn't matter. The only important thing was that he was being loved and cared. And oh, how it felt good. Kankuro knew all the tender spots on his body and the tricks that stimulated him.

Gaara's breathing turned erratic again as the pleasant feeling crept back to him. He thrashed and groaned before finally coming over the edge. He closed his eyes and the world was white for a moment, full of blur and sweetness. After a moment Kankuro came too, holding Gaara closer and moaning.

XXX

After some minutes, Gaara climbed onto Kankuro's bed. He had agreed to sleep next to the brunette tonight. The clock on the night table said 10:29 p.m. He sighed, wondering if he would get any sleep tonight, given he had slept so many hours during the day. Soon Kankuro joined him and wrapped his arm around him. The touch and the warmness relaxed the redhead, and soon he closed his eyes in hopes escaping into the realm of dreams.

To be continued...

A/N: Hopefully no one is too upset about the flashback. However, the next chapter will be more pleasant.

For this chapter, I had to do some research about insomnia and the effects of coffee. I thought it would be plausible that Gaara would feel exhausted after the effect of the coffee wore off. Coffee cannot replace sleep, unfortunately. :(

Kankuro is a very challenging character to write about because of his paradoxality - on the other hand he wants to be a good brother but because his view of the world is skewed, he doesn't quite succeed. Don't get me wrong but Kankuro is actually my favourite character of this story because of his contradictions!