Naruto Penthouse Archives

Dear Penthouse,


There’s just something about him that drives me mad. Not mad in the bad sense- not the angry sense that once plagued me and drove me to nearly commit the unspeakable; but a type of madness that gets under the skin and eats me from the inside.

It was not a romantic meeting. I have institutionalized myself for some years now. I get confused now and then, sudden bouts of rage and my violent predisposition makes me dangerous. I am told that I am not responsible for my other self, but waking up to what my other half commits is never settling.

He on the other hand, had no choice in the matter. Brilliant, sharp, sexy, he wouldn’t be here were it not for circumstances. His brother murdered his family in front of him at a young age- the same brother that came back to finish the job. He has no family now, but his lack of regret or sense of wrong doing has landed him here- until the case is dropped that is.

This is of course, too much information, but it is more for my sake than yours. Writing this out helps me relax, helps me reflect on what is going on. I still don’t understand it myself.

I’m not gay, not really. I’m not curious about it or attracted to men, but he came in and though he treated me coldly, there was something magnetic about his presence. Perhaps it was the aura of strength and power radiating from him or the intensity of his eyes. I always stayed away from him, but apparently Juugo, my other self, could not.

The nurses informed me of it later- the fight that broke out, the furniture destroyed and my wounds. Juugo, no I, had lost. It’s the first time that ever happened. He knew of my condition after that. Whenever I had an episode it was this man that got me under control. It used to be that I could never control it, that Juugo could take over completely at will, but then he came up to me one day and told me I’d better start standing up for myself before Juugo tried to get rid of me completely.

It shook me. Such an idea had never occurred to me before. I became vigilant from then on and the next time I switched, I was at least aware of it. I began to fight with myself, fighting Juugo for control over my own body. It was always difficult but I usually lost in the end. That is until it happened while he was in the room with me. He stood there and watched me as I struggled- stood back, allowing me to deal with it on my own. And when I thought I would lose, he was suddenly in front of me, mouth locked against mine and biting my lip so hard I could taste blood in my mouth. This pain, this confusion, this shock of desire is what saved me that day.

He told me that if I wanted him I should have just said so, to tell him myself- that the only real difference between me and Juugo is that Juugo takes what he wants while I deny myself everything. He locked the door then, disrobing with his back to me, recounting how Juugo tried to take him forcefully that first time, and every time after.

He dropped his pants and exposed the perfect curves of his ass, dipping into the hard lines of muscular thighs. I could feel myself getting aroused, the confusion returning tenfold. I tried to tell myself I didn’t want him, that Juugo was just a monster that had nothing to do with me. I felt ashamed that this body craved another man’s.

He turned around and my cock began to harden at the view of his pale abs, his beautifully framed cock amidst a backdrop of black curls. He was a work of art. And I wanted nothing more than to take him in my hands and desecrate him. He said if I wanted him to just say so. Ask and you shall receive. And despite the obvious desire revealing itself between my legs I wanted to deny it. I could sense Juugo in the back of my mind, clamoring to break free, goading me to jump him, to take him right there on the floor, or against the desk, the bed, the wall, anywhere.

My knees must have given out at some point because I was sitting when he stalked towards me. Like David closing in on Goliath, while Goliath was busy waging civil war with himself. Outside, my body was saying yes regardless of what my brain was telling it. I couldn’t fight back as he pulled my shirt up and off my head, or speak an intelligible no as he mouthed my nipples. I could sense Juugo cheering in the back of my mind, but thus far I had held him at bay. Or maybe it was his mouth on my neck, my chest, my abs.

I tried not to focus on his moist lips or the pink tongue that darted out to wet his mouth. I stayed focus on holding back Juugo, on fighting the lust and desire to take him fast and hard. I was so focused on fighting Juugo, I did nothing to resist as he unzipped my pants and freed my leaking cock from its restrictions. I was tempted for a moment to shove it between those pink lips of his, but horrified at my own fantasy, I attempted to cover myself instead.

He paused then and fixed me with those intense black eyes. He told me that Juugo admits it, my body admits it, so why can’t I? Why couldn’t I bring myself to admit to wanting him?

Suddenly, all my confusion was gone.

I told him I wanted him and he asked me how. And when I hesitated to be honest, or speak at all, he wrapped those pink warm lips firmly around me and coaxed it out of me one lick at a time. It took some work and patience, but he began the arduous process of teaching me to be more honest with myself. And when I proved difficult, he knew how to coax it out of me, be it with that tongue in all the right places, or his thick cock rammed deep inside me, over and over until I admitted exactly what I wanted. My personality switches have decreased in number since then. The doctor is convinced that I’ll be safe to leave the hospital at some point if this continues. That perhaps Juugo may disappear entirely. I am not as optimistic and while it’s true that he has quieted down a lot, this doesn’t mean I won’t hear from Juugo anymore. Occasionally he still shows up during one of my “sessions”. He likes to put in a request, once in a while.


Sincerely,

Still Crazed and Confused