The Trust 'Verse, Part II - Relinquish

The Trust 'Verse - Part II

Relinquish

Chapter II

†

Midnight came and went, and Iwa couldn’t help but think that never had a day in his entire life been as painful as this one, what with the perpetual, anxious waiting, his inability to stop checking the clock and having his heart rate hitch every time he heard footsteps heading in from outside.

It wasn’t too long before the footsteps stopped; everyone who’d been invited was here. Everyone, that is, except the most important guest of all.

Anyone with eyes could easily tell that his heart wasn’t in the celebration at all, and it hadn’t seemed like soon enough that his Otou-san had kicked everyone out.

Iwa had immediately retreated to his room, even though it was still only early in the afternoon. Toshirou and Furiko had looked upset when he refused to play with them, but they seemed to sense that he wasn’t in the mood and that he was becoming increasingly agitated. And so he had passed the rest of his 10th birthday hidden away from the world.

Tsunade-hime had stopped by after everyone had left, looking drawn and upset herself. She’d given him hugs and had hummed soothingly the song she’d taught him how to play on the flute she’d given him for his last birthday. It had helped. Even if he had felt a little childish as he told her. She’d informed him that there was nothing childish about what he was feeling, and that everyone appreciated having someone who cared for them comfort them when they were sad. That had made him feel better about it. And he’d hugged her back, because he knew how important Naruto-san was to Tsunade-hime, too.

He’d come downstairs to see her off, before joining his family for dinner. He had eaten in silence, for he had nothing to say, while his family asked nothing of him. Even Toshirou and Furiko who normally chatted a mile a minute between them, and liked nothing better than to ask him the most ridiculous questions and earnestly wait for his response, as if he actually had the answers to them, directed their attention more towards their futaoya instead of their Onii-chan.

When bedtime came, Iwa had sedately gotten ready, all the while straining his hearing to see if he couldn’t detect the sound of Naruto-san’s footsteps, undoubtedly accompanied by Sai’s, but at the time Iwa couldn’t have cared less about the echo, so long as it brought him Naruto-san.

There was nothing to be heard but unforgiving silence.

Midnight came and went, and though Iwa was meant to be asleep already, for hours now, in fact, he just couldn’t. Instead he sat huddled in his pillows and wrapped in his blanket, his knees drawn up, with Rokudaime clutched desperately to his chest, as he buried his face against his soft, soft fur.

He didn’t understand. Naruto-san never missed his birthday. Never. This was probably why Iwa couldn’t sleep, because every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Naruto-san bleeding and broken and maybe even dying all while Iwa was here unable to do anything to help.

It made him feel weak and useless and all those things he never wanted to be. That he felt like crying just made him feel worse. Crying wouldn’t bring Naruto-san any quicker.

Assuming he was coming at all.

Stifling a sob, Iwa curled in on Rokudaime tighter, trembling as he did so, whispering to Rokudaime pleas to watch over Naruto-san and to keep him safe and bring him home.

No matter how tightly he pulled his covers around him, he still felt cold, his tears like ice. His chest ached, but he couldn’t tell why. He wasn’t hurt, and yet it felt as though he was.

Shaking, Iwa tried to remain silent, but it was so hard to. He just wanted it to stop.

Please.

Why hadn’t Naruto-san come?

†

Sakura was growing increasingly worried. It seemed as if each minute that passed with Naruto still not back was another that saw Iwa grow colder and colder, both his gaze and voice freezing over, until there was not even the slightest hint of the warmth that had slowly appeared over time, ever since that day five years ago when her precious eldest son had first met Naruto.

The Uchiha household was tense with it, this perpetual ice that now seemed to permeate the very air, chilling them all to the bone. It was painful to watch the mechanic way in which Iwa went about his daily routine, the lack of life, of feeling. It was painful to see for a parent, especially as it wasn’t just Iwa who was suffering. Toshirou and Furiko were both equally affected by their Onii-chan’s ever-growing frigidity. In Furiko’s case, it led to more tears than usual being shed, tantrums that lasted far longer and were triggered far easier than normal. On the other hand, Toshirou, for his part, valiantly tried to hold it all together; he smiled brighter, and laughed louder, but anyone with eyes to see could tell that the sight and sounds just didn’t ring true. It was a forced cheerfulness that Sakura never wanted to see, not after having lived with it once before, in every smile that Naruto had shown her for years in their youth.

Out of all her children, Toshirou reminded her most of her good friend. There was a sincerity to them both, and a determination, that just drew people to them. But unlike Naruto, Toshirou had never had any reason to hold people away, at arm’s lengths, had never had any reason not to smile with all his heart and soul.

And then there was Sasuke. Sakura didn’t even want to think about how Sasuke was handling this. True, his breakdown was slightly less overt, but it was still evident, to her anyway, particularly in his sudden jumpiness.

When Iwa stared at them with a cold, blank gaze, Sakura could see the tiniest of tremors run their way beneath Sasuke’s skin, as if a sudden chill had taken hold of him and was determined to run its course.

She could only guess what he was seeing when he looked into his eldest son’s eyes. It was not a thought she wished to entertain. For one, there was nothing amusing about the situation. Nothing in the least. That and the fact that she wasn’t prepared to even try and contemplate what was going through her eldest son’s mind. She herself would look at him, and be struck with unease at the thought that the boy before her was little more than a stranger, a shadow.

He had never been particularly talkative, her precious son, but now? Now, he didn’t even bother to speak when spoken to. It was as if he were becoming unaware of the world around him, as if he were starting to get lost inside himself. And it only appeared to be getting worse.

In between her shifts at the hospital, Sakura would stop by to see her shishou, to ask Tsunade-sama whether there had been any word yet. Each time, to date, Tsunade-sama had simply stared at her gravely before informing her that no further news had arrived, and that there was no reason for the delay. Each time, Sakura refused to let her hope die.

There was no way Naruto wasn’t coming back. He had to; if only so she could make him pay.

†

Iwa stared absently out the window, watching as fluffy white clouds drifted aimlessly across a vibrant azure sky. He only half-listened to what his sensei was saying, he already knew more than probably even his sensei did about chakra control, thanks to Tsunade-hime. Still, just in case he was called upon, he decided to at least let himself maintain a vague awareness of his surroundings.

That was more or less what he’d been doing for some time now – ignoring the world, and retreating more and more into himself. The only thing the world really had to offer him had been Naruto-san’s bright and shining presence. So naturally, without it, he was better off within his own mind. At least there, Naruto-san lived, perhaps not quite as brightly as the real him did, but it was surely better than nothing.

He’d been ten for two unbearably long days now. And yet, he felt as if such an occasion celebrated nothing more than his demise into something less than he once was. Far more than feeling simply more mature, he felt withered and old, brittle and ready to break. And worse still, it felt as if an eternity had already passed him by, regardless of the actual passage of time.

Don’t think like that, the Naruto-san in his mind chided. Don’t give up on me yet.

Isn’t it you who has given up on me? Iwa’s mind replied softly, barely louder than the most gentle of whispers.

Naruto-san said nothing more. Iwa, in turn, fell silent, his lips closed tight, lest any of his inner turmoil escape him.

A tree might as well fall silent, if there is no one to hear its cry, no one left to craft that which remains into something more.

Ignoring his sensei as she called his name repeatedly, Iwa stared absently out the window, watching as fluffy white clouds gave way to ominous storm clouds that loomed forebodingly on the distance.

Still, all he felt was a placid calm.

Nothing could touch him now.

†

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath as he jerked awake, starting to struggle instantly at the feel of hands pressing him down.

“Naruto,” the sound of Sai’s voice cracked through the sudden onslaught of panic. “Stop moving, or you’ll tear the stitches.”

“Stitches?” Naruto asked bewildered. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d needed stitches. Kyuubi always healed him faster than most doctors could patch him up.

“Stitches,” Sai affirmed, tiredly.

“But—” Naruto began in a confused tone, just as Sai cut him off to say, “why do you need stitches?”

Naruto nodded slowly, his brain feeling oddly fuzzy.

“Because,” Sai enunciated in a voice that clearly, though silently, added you idiot, “you’d already exhausted kyuubi, before almost spilling your guts, literally might I add, at my feet. Oh,” Sai paused, “and if you haven’t yet noticed. I,” Sai punctuated the word with a jab, “am,” another jab, “not,” and another, “happy with you.” Jab, jab, jab.

“Oh,” Naruto said, deflating slightly at the pokes, before relaxing as the touches turned gentle once more, soothing. Just as he was about to close his eyes, he was struck by a sudden thought.

Iwa.

Jerking upwards slightly, he cried, “What day is it?”

Sai’s expression shuttered, even as his hands gently, but firmly, held Naruto in place and wiped a warm cloth across his sweat covered skin.

“Sai,” Naruto growled, before hissing as he felt his stitches tug. “Tell me.”

Sai’s expression darkened further. “Well, apart from almost dying, due to your damn stubbornness,” Naruto winced at the pitch of Sai’s voice as he hissed those words at him, “the brat’s birthday was two days ago.”

Naruto’s eyes widened, before he struggled to get up again.

Instantly, Sai slammed him back against the bed, forcing what little breath was in his lungs to come rushing out in a surprised oomph!

“Don’t you fucking move,” Sai snarled. It was rare that Sai swore aloud, and that in itself gave Naruto reason to pause. “I’ve already carried your damned carcass the whole way through Grass and more than halfway through Fire, while you’ve been blissfully snoring away!”

Naruto kind of wanted to protest that he didn’t snore, blissful or otherwise, but for some reason, he was fairly certain that probably wouldn’t go over too well. He’d never seen Sai this worked up before, at least, not for something other than sex…

Instead, Naruto just stared silently, helplessly, at his boyfriend as he continued to rant, “If you had just rested like I asked you to, then we would’ve been fine. But oh, no, you had to be stubborn. Like the ass you are! Hopefully kyuubi’ll be up to doing some of the work from here on out. And when he’s done, I’ll freaking beat the living daylights out of you, and if I’m lucky, some of that wretched stubbornness, too!”

Sai paused to breathe before exclaiming, “It’s a good thing your stomach’s almost as hard as your head!”

Naruto wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not, but really, it hardly mattered given... “We need to go. I have to get back, I need to see—”

“The brat.”

Naruto rolled his eyes as he finished, “Iwa.”

Sai glanced away, before giving Naruto one last gentle push to make sure he was firmly adhered to the mattress before he stood. Turning away he said, “As soon as you’ve been fed, and I’ve changed the dressing, we’ll go. And not a second sooner.”

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief at Sai’s reassurance, even as he wondered at the strained tone. Quickly grabbing a hold of Sai’s wrist, Naruto tugged him back to face him.

When he was met with slight resistance, he tugged again, until Sai finally turned to look at him. Catching Sai’s eyes, Naruto tilted his face upwards to be kissed. Willing as ever, Sai complied, with a gentle brush of his lips.

“Thank you,” Naruto whispered.

Sai simply stared at him a moment, a strange look passing across his features, before he gave a sharp nod and left the room.

Watching him go, Naruto took a deep, shuddering breath.

Please, don’t let it be too late.

†

The sky was just beginning to darken, angry storm clouds spilling about haphazardly overhead as Naruto slowed to a stop at the outer gates of the Uchiha estate.

Pausing to catch his breath a second, he stared at the eerie stillness of the main compound. Restraining a shudder, Naruto took a quick, calming breath before walking briskly down the front garden’s path to the main entrance way.

It was Sakura-chan who greeted him at the door, as was usual. The pained look on her face, however, was not.

“Naruto,” she breathed, looking at once relieved and supremely pissed off.

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto began hesitantly.

She sighed, sounding unbelievably exhausted, before pulling him close for a quick hug. “I’m glad you’re okay. Though, you might’ve been better off coming in a full-body cast,” she chided roughly.

“It was that bad?” Naruto asked with a wince.

Sakura-chan’s eyes darkened, as she choked, withdrawing her hold, “You’ll see.”

Naruto shivered, but straightened and followed her inside.

†

Sasuke stood as he saw Naruto pass the living room, climb the stairs and head off in the direction of Iwa’s room. From the doorway, Sasuke watched him go. Only once Naruto had disappeared from sight did he move, striding into the kitchen to find Sakura standing at the table carving intricate designs into vegetables with her chakra alone.

“He’ll be okay,” Sasuke said firmly, as much to his wife as to himself, with as much conviction as he could muster. “Now that Naruto’s here.”

Sakura simply nodded silently, not once taking her eyes off the carrot being slowly but surely decimated at her hands.

“He’ll be okay,” Sasuke repeated, as much a prayer as anything else.

He’s not Itachi, Sasuke thought, with stark certainty. And sadly, Sasuke now had his proof.

Itachi would never have allowed himself to be broken. Not like this.

†

Naruto slid open the door to Iwa’s room, only to find Iwa sitting, as per usual, at his desk, lips moving silently as they formed the words as he read them.

Naruto closed the door behind him as he entered, and cleared his throat, filled with an awkwardness he hadn’t known for some time.

A beat, and then Iwa glanced up.

“I’m so sorry,” Naruto apologized, heartfelt, as soon as he had Iwa’s attention. Earnestly, his expression open and vulnerable, he offered, “Let me make it up to you, chibi.”

Iwa’s response was lacklustre at best, and Naruto was shocked at how much it hurt. How much it burned – the way Iwa’s eyes looked him over, judged him fit and able and then simply slid out of focus, as if dismissing his very presence.

Naruto stared, as Iwa turned back to what he’d been doing.

Just as Naruto was about to take a step forward, to do something, anything to try and make this better, Iwa spoke.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly, in the deadest tone Naruto had ever heard. Naruto felt his heart clench horribly at the sound of it. “I’m sure you had better things to do.”

“No,” Naruto exclaimed sharply, noting with dismay that Iwa didn’t even flinch at the harsh tone. The lack of reaction was possibly scariest of all. It left him completely at a loss as to how to fix this, this damage he’d inadvertently wrought.

He remembered disappointment well from his own childhood, loneliness, despair, betrayal. And he had seen all those things seeping through from behind shuttered eyes, and a closed expression. He’d always loathed seeing them reflected back at him in the mirror, but somehow, seeing them on a precious person?

There was no competition as to which was worse.

“There was nothing more important than getting back in time,” Naruto protested fervently. Because it was the truth, it’d been the only thing he’d thought about, the entire, mad, non-stop rush that they’d made to get here.

Naruto almost flinched at the accusation that flashed sharp and unyielding in deep chilled waters, as Iwa’s gaze flickered momentarily towards him, his eyes screaming at him, silent and deadly, then why didn’t you?!

And therein lay the problem. He’d overreached his limits, pushed far harder than he should’ve, and in doing so had only made the situation worse. He’d been on the verge of passing out from having practically depleted all of his own, as well as a substantial amount of kyuubi’s, chakra, but he’d tried to ride it out, stupid, stupid, stupid.

He really had no one but himself to blame, even more so because he definitely knew better. Even when Sai had warned him that he was overtaxing himself, he’d ignored him, stubbornly continuing, refusing to give in.

The spirit had been willing but the flesh… had been by far too weak, and as a result he’d slept for two and a half days straight, regaining lost energy, enough that kyuubi could heal most of the damage he’d received. Damage that he could’ve easily avoided had he not been practically dead on his feet. They’d had a close encounter with some bandits, who normally would’ve been no problem whatsoever. The problem, of course, being that he had been nigh on asleep by the time they attacked, and because of this one of them had gotten in a lucky hit that Sai hadn’t been able to stop and that Naruto himself hadn’t even sensed coming.

Fortunately, it hadn’t been life-threatening, despite the wound being fairly deep. However, thanks to his refusal to do the smart thing, to pace himself, kyuubi had already been strained enough as it was from Naruto’s own impatience, something he thought he’d been rid of for an age, it had taken far longer for things to heal than they would’ve taken otherwise, and, as a result, precious time had been pointlessly wasted.

Two and a half long days had passed whilst Naruto’s body recovered; two and a half long days in which he had apparently destroyed everything he had managed to build during the last five years. All the time and effort and love he’d vested in making sure that Iwa was never given cause to follow in Itachi’s footsteps, ripped to shred by his own idiotic self-arrogance.

“Some things just aren’t as important as you might want to believe,” Iwa told him sagely, sounding tired and wise and broken. “We don’t always get what we want.”

And Naruto had no idea what to say to that.

The truth, Naruto thought, is the only thing that will let us trust.

This time, Naruto didn’t hesitate to take those steps, he walked with purpose to Iwa’s side, before dropping to his knees and gently touching his fingertips to the cheek in profile to him.

“Iwa,” Naruto whispered, watching as Iwa glanced at him from the corner of his eye, obviously curious as to why Naruto hadn’t simply called him chibi, like always.

“Look at me,” Naruto instructed, his voice filled with warmth, with all the tenderness he felt for Sasuke’s son, at once so like him and at the same time, nothing alike.

Iwa slouched over a little, before uncertainly turning his head to stare at Naruto.

Gently, Naruto brushed at Iwa’s hair, smiling fondly as Iwa blinked slowly at him. “I was an idiot,” Naruto told him sincerely, almost laughing at the way Iwa’s eyes widened in disbelief. If circumstances had been different, he would’ve given in, would’ve teased him, and made him as flustered as he could, but this, this was serious, and Naruto needed to be too.

“No,” Naruto affirmed, his voice steady and strong, “really, I did something a shinobi should never do.”

Even as Iwa’s lips pressed tight, as if trying to hold back whatever curious question had come rushing to the tip of his tongue, Iwa’s eyes asked anyway, begged for an explanation, for anything to make the hurt go away.

“I let myself think that I was invincible, that nothing could stop me, not even the limits of my own body. It’s one thing to underestimate your opponent, but just as dangerous is overestimating yourself, especially when you know better. I was impatient,” Naruto explained, “I was foolhardy, and I pushed myself to get here, with such recklessness I can barely believe it.”

“You didn’t mean to not come?” Iwa asked, in a terribly fragile sounding voice.

“Kami, no!” Naruto protested vehemently. “Getting back was all I could think about.” Naruto placed his hands on Iwa’s shoulder before leaning forward to touch their foreheads together, a gesture of friendship, kinship, family, something he’d learnt from a nomadic tribe in Sand. “More than anything, I wanted to make it back in time.”

Iwa gazed up at him from under his bangs, dark eyes catching hold of his own and not letting go.

Heartened by the slightest thawing in them, Naruto murmured softly, his hands squeezing tight, “Can you forgive me?”

Iwa was silent, and Naruto felt every muscle in his body tense at the thought that maybe he’d rent this trust too far to mend, that maybe he’d done too much damage to be absolved.

But then Iwa was nodding, slowly at first, before stopping to simply say, “Un.”

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief, feeling strangely like he did whenever he managed to make it through a life-threatening situation intact. Stronger for the experience, more aware of himself, even. It felt odd, but not bad.

“Seriously though,” Naruto enthused, his own heart laden with guilt, still filled with the desire to make things better, to do whatever was in his power to put things right, to get them back on track, to have Iwa just trust him again, “let me make it up to you. Anything you want. Anything at all.”

There is nothing more in this world that I want than that. To be worthy of his trust.

Iwa hesitated a moment before asking softly, “Could you stay awhile?”

Naruto blinked, replying, “Of course. Why? Was there something that you wanted?”

Iwa silently stood before tugging at Naruto’s sleeve, pulling him towards the bed.

Naruto’s eyebrows shot up as he stuttered, “Uh…”

Iwa turned to look at him with sad eyes. “I thought you had died,” he confessed in little more than a whisper. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Naruto realized with horror, now that they’d been pointed out, that the shadows beneath Iwa’s eyes were unbelievably dark. Glancing from the bags under those soulful eyes, to the bed, realization dawned. “You want me to stay while you sleep?”

Looking uncertain, Iwa nodded once, shortly, as if afraid Naruto would say no.

If that was all it took, Naruto thought, he would have gladly stayed here a hundred nights in a row, just to make sure Iwa slept well, and without fear.

Picking Iwa up, Naruto felt his heart clench again, as small hands hesitantly wound their way around his neck. Hugging Iwa tight, Naruto sat, before releasing his hold to tuck him in. Once Iwa settled, Rokudaime firmly clasped in his grasp, Naruto shifted to sit so that he was slightly curled around him, close enough to gently brush the hair out of Iwa’s eyes as he blinked tiredly up at him.

“Sleep,” Naruto instructed. “I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing for you to be scared of.”

With a soft sigh, Iwa closed his eyes, a hand reaching out to grab the one Naruto had been about to retract. Naruto smiled slightly at the strength of Iwa’s grip, as he tightening his own hold reassuringly.

He himself remembered all too well how scary it could be to wake up alone in the dark, fearing the worse. Of course, Naruto’s fears had been quite different; he had always been scared that someone who hated him would come and get him. Thinking on it now, though, he wasn’t sure which was worse, that or the fear that someone you loved wouldn’t.

†

Iwa wasn’t sure why he couldn’t let this go. He’d honestly believed he could forgive Naruto-san anything. And, in truth, he had. It hadn’t been Naruto-san’s fault.

All he’d wanted was to be able to spend more time with Naruto-san, to be by Naruto-san’s side whenever he could.

And while that hadn’t changed, what had was the thought that… maybe, Naruto-san didn’t want him there as much as Iwa had once believed, or as much as all the little things that Naruto-san did for him seemed to suggest. The only thing was that if Iwa couldn’t be sure of Naruto-san, he wasn’t sure what he could be sure of. Certainly not himself. Or anyone else.

Because despite how Naruto-san and Tsunade-hime both treated him like a small adult, even when Naruto-san called him chibi, to the rest of the world he was nothing more than a simple gaki, no matter how smart he was.

And more than anything, he couldn’t stand the thought that he was a burden. That in wanting these things, he was being unreasonable or unfair, especially to Naruto-san. He wanted to be able to carry his own weight, to not obstruct or impede Naruto-san in any way, shape or form.

After all, Iwa understood, in a somewhat abstract sense, that Naruto-san already had Sai. And that wherever Naruto-san was, Sai was never far way either.

And Naruto-san seemed happy to have Sai with him. Even though he seemed no less happy when he was with Iwa. Still, there was something different about it that Iwa couldn’t quite grasp.

All he knew was that whatever it was, he wanted it for himself. He wanted to be everything to Naruto-san.

All he could do, for now though, was try his hardest to become worthy, so that one day, he would be.

†

It was late evening by the time Naruto returned home. Iwa had woken up scant hours after his initial request that Naruto stay awhile, apparently feeling much better. He’d stoically informed Naruto that it was okay for him to leave now, and that he’d be alright. Even though Naruto felt sort of like… it didn’t even begin to make up for what he’d done, the looks of utter relief on Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan’s faces had left him feeling slightly embarrassed, and just a little desperate to leave.

Naruto sat staring at his clasped hands, watching his knuckles turn white as he clenched them hard. He hoped Iwa was really okay, and hadn’t just been saying that… for, whatever reason Naruto couldn’t even begin to divine. Unclenching and clenching his fingers, Naruto frowned deeply, not even noticing as Sai entered in his silent way.

Naruto almost jumped, when Sai demanded, “Must you worry so much about the brat?”

“I don’t—” Naruto began to protest but was quickly cut of as Sai interjected, “but you do. To an almost unreasonable extent.”

Naruto blinked at the open frustration on Sai’s face, the tightening of the skin at the corner of Sai’s eyes, before gaping.

“Oh, Kami,” Naruto breathed on a half-laugh.

“What?” Sai frowned at the look of amusement that passed across Naruto’s features.

“You’re… you’re jealous,” Naruto said, almost in disbelief.

“I am not jealous,” Sai hissed.

“Sure looks like jealousy from where I’m sitting,” Naruto retorted, his expression light and teasing.

Sai’s eyes narrowed sharply as he uttered, “Are you telling me there’s something I should be jealous of?”

Naruto’s eyes widened incredulously, before they too narrowed to sharp slits, the tiniest bit of red bleeding into their irises.

When he spoke, it was with a hint of danger, of kyuubi, seeping into his cadence, and yet, for all that kyuubi was a creature of fire, Naruto’s voice was deadly cold as he murmured, “I, for one, hope you did not mean to imply what you just did.”

Sai sucked in a sharp breath. “No, you know I didn’t…” but he quickly trailed off at the look Naruto was giving him.

“Because you,” Naruto spat, his voice taut with disgust, “of all people, would’ve been the last, I would’ve thought, to think that I would do something so…” there was a heavy pause, before Naruto’s voice almost broke as he finished, “monstrous.”

Straightening his back, Sai reached out, almost flinching himself when Naruto smoothly shifted his weight backwards, effortlessly evading his touch – something he had not done for nigh on a decade.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Sai swore internally, even as he wiped his expression clean of all traces of how much he’d screwed this one up. And to think he’d always thought that Naruto was the one most likely to say something irrevocably stupid.

Only, of course, it had to have been him. Naruto somehow just made him… irrational like that.

And yet, Sai had always been safe in the knowledge that he himself could forgive Naruto anything. But could Naruto? Would Naruto be able to do so? To let go of what Sai had just implied; that Naruto would do something, like that, to the brat, who he was so obviously fond of, the brat who was nothing more than a child.

Monstrous.

Sai wanted to wince as he heard the word reverberate through his mind. It embodied everything he’d spent so long making sure Naruto knew he wasn’t.

Apparently having emotions as strong as he did for Naruto did indeed have one drawback; he had all the power in the world to hurt Naruto with. And it would seem that he had done so.

The sound of thunder crashing in the distance broke the silence that had descended, even as a slight patter of rain started up in accompaniment.

“I’m going out,” Naruto declared, standing abruptly and quickly moving out of reach.

Sai didn’t protest, didn’t ask where he was going; he already knew. Even now, after everything, Umino Iruka managed to ease Naruto’s pain, in a way that Sai never could.

The door closed softly on Naruto’s departure. Still, the sound echoed dully.

Here’s to hoping that somewhere another is opening.

One perhaps that would let Sai back in.

†

To Be Continued…