Arranged Marriage

Disclaimer: Check chapter one.

Note: I’m tired.


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Sasuke Uchiha was a freak.

This was what Naruto concluded over a steaming bowl of breakfast ramen the morning after his botched honeymoon.

An anally retentive, sadistic freak. With a sweet ass, but Naruto won’t linger on that. Such a thing didn’t take away from the fact that his new husband had the character density of a pebble.

Naruto came to terms with it after he’d woken up that morning to an empty bed. Instead of the blanket shrouded form of his new husband (a title still not completely grasped by him), Naruto found the rumpled place where he should have been. A piece of paper sat on the pillow that read: Out. Coffee. Back. Later., in barely legible script and some insane scribbling of what Naruto assumed to be a signature underneath.

Not how he imagined the morning after his wedding night would be. Now, Naruto wouldn’t go as far as to proclaim himself a romantic but he had envisioned the morning after to involve cuddling, and kisses, and maybe love making in the shower, things like that.

Though of course Naruto had imagined his spouse would have at least one or two ovaries, and a pair of breasts. Sasuke didn't have breasts as far as Naruto could tell. But he could be harboring an ovary or two somwhere.

After checking the bed two or ten times more, and then under it, Naruto finally conceded that his spouse was no where to be found. He didn’t think Sasuke was much on morning after cuddles anyway, or love making……….or breathing the same air.

Grunting and grumbling Naruto dragged himself out of bed and dialed roomservice, ordering a bowl of their best ramen and stumbed off to bathroom for a shower. Alone.


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Room service had left not ten minutes before Sasuke breezed in, looking much liver, if a bit bleary eyed, than he had the night before. Or as lively as he would ever look with a complexion close to a death pallor. His eyes were wide and animated, if a bit bleary as he scanned the room and started slightly when he noticed Naruto. Naruto stared back, just as wide eyed before Sasuke blinked and looked away quickly.

“Hello.” he said breathlessly, and disappeared into the suites dining room. Naruto paused mid-slurp, blinked several times to re-orientate himself and swallowed. He scratched the back of his shoulder bemusedly, not entirely sure of what just happened.

Sasuke must have done a full circuit around the dining room because he came out on the other side through a second doorway, no longer wearing his jacket and shoes. Naruto checked for a tell-tale cup of coffee. He didn’t see any. Sasuke must have noticed him checking because he stuffed his hands into his jeans self-consciously.

“Drank it at the Café.” he said like it explained everything.

Naruto shrugged and looked down at his ramen. Sasuke wandered around the edges of the room as inconspicuously as possible, trying not bring further attention to himself.

Naruto did not need to know how useless he was in the morning before a cup of coffee. Naruto didn’t need to know any of Sasuke little quirks and flaws. Sasuke should remain the object of complete perfection to him.

Or at least, that’s what Sasuke’s mother always taught. If there was anything useful she‘d told him the night before he was married it was three things; hide everything. Keep him in the dark. And image was everything.

Keeping ones husband ignorant, is keeping him happy; Mikoto had said. Sasukecouldn't help but agree with her.

Was this Shallow? Yes. But it was very effective.

So Sasuke had planned to run out for coffee while the idiot still slept and be back before he woke.Thus preserving his false image of perfection in the eyes of the world and Naruto alike.

But Naruto didn’t want to except the lie! Naruto had to rebel. He had to wake hours before Sasuke had planned he would even stir, and be awake to witness him in all his unkempt glory.

Now since that plan was blown to hell, Sasuke had resort to his impromptu backup plan. He was going to discreetly rush over to the bathroom for a much needed shower before Naruto realized how horrifying Sasuke looked (and smelled) first thing in the morning. And to make his mother proud of course.

His attempts however, were forgotten when he noticed the steaming bowl of something Naruto was lovingly smothering himself in. Curiously, Sasuke drew closer to peer over the others shoulder and sniffed.

“Are you eating ramen?” The smell as undeniable; it was miso ramen for sure, and low and behold as Sasuke gave a closer inspection, he stared down into a steaming bowl of ramen. Sasuke pulled a face of partial disgust.

“It’s ten in the morning.” Naruto brought the bowl closer defensively.

“I always have ramen for breakfast.” Sasuke raised a skeptic brow.

“That can’t possibly be nutritional.”

“It has a boiled egg in it.” Naruto defended, and Sasuke opinion, made him eating ramen for breakfast all that more pathetic. But let him destroy his insides slowly and pave the way for premature type one diabetes if he wanted, it was hardly Sasuke’s obligation to care.

Oh wait, it was. They were married after all. Sasuke scowled.

“At least eat some fruit or something with that.” Sasuke snapped agitatedly, and roughly pushed a bowl of fruit at the other man before turning to stride toward the bathroom.

“I’m taking a shower. Remember that we’re having brunch with our parents at noon. Be ready by then.”

Naruto watched him close the door behind him before diligently biting into a pear.


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They got ready in silence.

Silence was good. Silence was gold. Silence meant Sasuke didn’t have to hear Naruto high voice yammering on about meaningless things. If the silence kept up perhaps a murder wouldn’t have to be committed that morning. Or at least, not one by Sasuke.

Naruto was only silent because, unlike what some people might think, he didn’t see the point in talking when nothing was worth saying. At the moment he hadn’t thought of anything devastating witty, or hilarious and he didn’t think anything he said would have a profound impact on Sasuke anyway.

The man was an animated corpse. A finally shaped, well proportioned corpse. That happened to have a lovely bottom.

Naruto plopped down a couch with a tremendous sigh, giving a little bounce on firm leather and spread out a far as he would go. Sasuke ignored him. Naruto gave another monstrous sigh, this time adding a little scream to it just the rattle the others nerves and still no reaction.

Undeterred, Naruto began drumming the beat to a song he’d heard the day before on the glass coffee table causing the tray and pitcher on top to rattle, and if there was ever a more annoying sound than the clink of ice against fine crystal, Sasuke had never heard it.

Sasuke ground his teeth hard enough to hear the enamel flaking off but he’d be damned if he’d be the first to crack. Naruto could play doctor on himself and remove his own liver before Sasuke would voluntarily speak to him.

The noise however, proved too much, and the calm Sasuke had been feeling post-shower was shot to hell when Naruto started to sing along (badly) to the drumming.

“Is there a problem Uzumaki-san?” Sasuke snapped, his face flushed and seething through gritted teeth.

“I was thinking.” Naruto pointedly ignored the eye roll. “About last night. They will ask.”

Sasuke centered his focus on Naruto very slowly.

“Yeah?” he asked cautiously, and actually walked over to Naruto and sat closer than they'd ever been out of bed (and was concious to experience it).

“They’ll want to know.”

Naruto wiped the sweat from his palms on his pant legs before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his bent knees, staring at a specific spot on the immaculate carpet. Sasuke looked at him closely for a moment, face devoid of any of his rising panic before turning to stare at the spot Naruto appeared so intent on.

“They can’t prove that we didn’t.” Sasuke murmured lowly, his eyes darting on reflex for any wires or eavesdroppers. Unless the clan elders called for a doctor to be sure, but they hadn't done that in years, and never to any males.

“We could always just……” Naruto’s eyes darted over to the bed than back to Sasuke pointedly. Sasuke refrained, from pure self preservation, from looking horrified.

Unfortunately, Naruto caught the flicker in Sasuke mask, saw it drop to show genuine uncertainty for just the second and changed his expression from anxious to leery.

“Unless of course you find if difficult to ‘perform under pressure’.” he rolled the words salaciously. “No worries Sasuke, I’m very much over the apprehension from last night.”

Revenge could be so sweet, Naruto thought viscously. Sasuke could be so cruel. He’d proven that the night before. Well, Naruto was more than happy to admit that so could he.

Corrupting him was just an added bonus.

Naruto smirk was downright evil as he scooted the short distance between them on the couch.

Sasuke’s upper lip curled contemptuously, his eyes darting to the clock on the far wall above the bed and stood up hastily.

“We’d better leave now or well be late.”

“I’m sure they can forgive our absence, when they find out why.” Naruto shot back quickly and followed after Sasuke. “We are doing exactly what they wanted. And the sooner we get it over with, the sooner we can move on.”

But Sasuke didn’t want to!

Sasuke wanted to stomp his foot on the ground petulantly. Punch Naruto in the face and stomp off in righteous indignation.

What was the point of them having sex anyway? They couldn’t reproduce. Neither could get pregnant unless by some unexplainable feat by nature, and Sasuke may have one chromosome too many but he was not squeezing out any babies in the near future.

He’d be damned if he was defiled because of archaic clan law and an idiot husband with an un-checked libido.

Naruto was a down right beastly thing even though only came up to Sasuke nose. He was stouter, and had weight on his side opposed to Sasuke who leant most of his leverage in height. If Naruto wanted to, the whelp could over power Sasuke, if he used sheer force but he should not underestimate the ferocity of Sasuke contempt.

Sasuke would not lose to him.

As Naruto closed in, standing less than a foot from the other (the closest they’d ever been horizontally) Sasuke realized he’d miscalculated the height difference. Naruto wasn’t as short as he’d thought, in fact their eyes were almost level which meant…..oh, dear lord.

Naruto was closing in fast, his eyes intent on Sasuke thinly pressed lips (turned white around the edges) and his expression feral enough to send all the danger bells in Sasuke’s brain clattering.

Sasuke was saved from any potential embarrassment involving punching Naruto in the neck just to get away by the shrill ring of the suite telephone.

Sasuke shimmied away and stabbed the button for speaker phone as Naruto rolled his eyes and plopped back onto the couch.

“Uchiha speaking.”

“Misters Namikaze your car has just arrived.” came the sickeningly polite disembodied voice of one the hotels front desk receptionist before Sasuke thanked her curtly and cut the line.

“Cars here. Lets go.”

Naruto kept staring at Sasuke with that leery look from the couch, not moving.

It was so sad it was funny, watching a grown man like Sasuke squirm so much just to avoid something simple like sex. It was down right pathetic.

He was bound to be a virgin. No way in hell Sasuke’d been with anyone with the way he was; like a frigid corpse after rigormortis sets in. He was probably so cold, any lover that tried to get off with him got their bits frozen off. Naruto snickered privately at his own hilarity, causing Sasuke to give a ‘look’.

Defiantly in need of a decent shag, Naruto thought, throughly amused.

Sasuke paused in the doorway, staring at Naruto critically since he‘d yet to move, his upper lip curling in disdain.

“Your not wearing that are you?”


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Note: I agree with Naruto, I think we’re all in need of a good shag. Half the stuff here doesn't make sense, it jumbled and choppy. Can't bring myself to care much. Un-beta'd so far and will remain un-beta'd because I won't burden my beta with my lame attmepts at crack. Thanks for the review, and don't worry, Itachi is a lot of things but incestous he is not.
Next Chapter: Kyuubi the satanic cat, new apartments, another attempt at sex, and Itachi