Naruto, You're Not Pregnant!

Warnings: Yaoi, Anal, Oral, Mpreg – and a mesh of medical yet somehow totally off-the-wall way to explain mpreg. Please note that the medical portion of the explanation will go over your head if you didn’t do well in (or never took) basic Biology. You’ve been warned.

This fic dedicated to michelerene/lexjamandme. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Naruto, You're Not Pregnant!

Chapter 2: Speculation

"Shouldn't you go to a doctor or something, you know, in case you’re pregnant?" Suigetsu asked almost gleefully. Even while wiping the remains of bile from his mouth, Sasuke managed to glare darkly despite being even paler from vomiting.

"He doesn't need to go to a doctor because, for the last time, he's a guy and therefore isn't pregnant!" Karin screeched angrily.

"If he's not pregnant, then puking up his guts for the past month every morning or early afternoon can't be a good thing. I mean, one week, you could pass it off as a bad stomach virus, but it's been a month now! If he's not pregnant then there's something probably seriously wrong with him. Either way he needs to see a doctor," Suigetsu reasoned.

"Because a guy being pregnant wouldn't mean there's something seriously wrong with him," Karin muttered.

Sasuke seemed oblivious to their bickering.

They had traveled from small village to village since Akatsuki’s downfall, not staying longer than a week at a time in each new place. This had been going on for almost three months with Sasuke being ill for almost half of that time. Even so, out of everyone, Sasuke seemed the least concerned about his health. At one point Karin had suggested that Sasuke return to Konoha because the Hokage was known as an extraordinary doctor and would surely be able to help him. Sasuke had refused to return in case they treated him as a missing nin and executed him on the spot.

Suigetsu argued that he doubted that Sasuke was seen as a threat to Konoha after Sasuke’s true intentions and positions were made known, but Sasuke still refused. Suigetsu had suggested that perhaps there was someone in Konoha that Sasuke was too scared to see in case Sasuke feared rejection. Sasuke had promptly punched Suigetsu in the face, which had ended further discussion.

Now Juugo was more concerned about Sasuke’s health than anyone, and he had a feeling that he could get information out of Sasuke with more tact than the other two.

"Do you think you're ill? Or do you think you're pregnant?" Juugo finally asked Sasuke. "Not that I'm by any means an expert on morning sickness, but it does seem to point to that. At least, it’s not very severe vomiting." Sasuke looked at Juugo intently. While Sasuke had been sick to his stomach for almost a month and a half now, Suigetsu hadn't made his half-joke about the possibility of him being pregnant until one month ago. Since Suigetsu had turned from half-joking to serious as he explained the experiments he had witnessed in Kabuto's twisted lab, they hadn't really talked about the fact that Sasuke might actually be pregnant.

The light teasing from Suigetsu (and Karin's screeching reminder to the former Rain Shinobi that Sasuke was a guy and therefore it was impossible for him to get pregnant) didn’t count as discussing it.

"If what Suigetsu suggests is true, then there's a possibility."

"What?" Karin gasped. Suigetsu grinned victoriously.

"As Suigetsu wondered about before, there were indeed times when Kabuto did things to my body without me being fully aware of the extent of the procedures. In order to make myself – my body particularly – as efficient as possible, I permitted Kabuto to do testing on my body," Sasuke explained. Juugo narrowed his eyes, looking unexceptionally furious.

"Why would you allow him to do that? Did having the curse seal teach you nothing about those experiments?! You've no idea what he could have done to you! Look at the state you're in now!"

"If I had refused the offer to undergo procedures to enhance my body's capabilities to make myself more powerful against Itachi, don't you think they would have found it odd? My defiance during my training made Orochimaru push me harder in ways I did not want to be pushed, and I had little patience for him then. While I could explain my defiance during training without raising too much suspicion to my future mutiny, I couldn't do the same in regards to my body. And do you think I showed no resistance whatsoever? If I agreed to go along with what they wanted, I was able to give time limits that would cut down on what they wanted to do to me. By co-operating, I made it more difficult for them to do the types of pre-body-transfer procedures they would have liked. Trust me, I did not make it easy."

"But – do you really that he performed a procedure that could get a guy pregnant?" Karin asked confused.

"Considering their past experiments with animals, I wouldn't put it past Kabuto and Orochimaru to have done testing with asexual reproduction. One lab in particular was reserved for testing on sea creatures, and I recall there being asexual creatures that they tested on. There are also a variety of reasons that Orochimaru may have wanted to give my body the ability to asexually reproduce, some more twisted than others. What Suigetsu said may have been a valid point. As I refused to reproduce by using Orochimaru's harem for recreational purposes, and if Orochimaru truly did keep his own sperm upon entering a new body (though I have my doubts about the validity of that speculation) then he may have done what he could to ensure that I could have children so that he could use that child's body as a transfer later on."

"But-" Karin interjected, but Sasuke cut her off.

"On the other hand, it seems unlikely that Orochimaru would want to be pregnant for approximately one fourth of his stay in my body. I also find it odd that Orochimaru would be able to keep his sperm as I kept my whatever it is – eggs I suppose – with my blood limit line after the transfer. It would still be my body and my DNA, so why would he be able to use his own sperm in my body, especially if the eggs kept my DNA?"

"If you want to get technical, women have all of their eggs from birth while men's sperm have a turnover rate of three months. So it would be possible for you to keep your eggs and Orochimaru to re-supply your body with his own sperm after three months," Karin added.

"Even if you look at it that way, there would still be a three month supply of my own sperm left in my body. He could have,” Sasuke paused and shuddered, “used that left over sperm to try and impregnate multiple women with my DNA. I also still doubt that he would have been capable of recreating his DNA in my body. His previous bodies had outer skins placed on them to make them look like him, but the original body lied underneath. Besides, if they had truly wanted for me to reproduce, they would have pushed the matter by either trying to get me to have sex or somehow saving some of my sperm. No, I think the real purpose Kabuto and Orochimaru planned this was as a means to keep me under control should I refuse the body transfer jutsu in some manner when I had hit my three year period."

"You did refuse it," Suigetsu said grinning, but no one paid any attention to him.

"What do you mean as a means to keep you under control?" Juugo asked.

"If I were pregnant, it would be a greater burden on me. If I was unaware of my pregnancy until a later trimester, than it would make aborting a larger fetus much more difficult in a male body, meaning I would be stuck with carrying the child full term. At that point, I am sure Kabuto would have informed me that only he knew the method of safely delivering the child without causing my death from it ripping me from the inside out."

"Yeah, but you would have ripped him from the inside out afterward, and probably cut off his dick and shoved it into his mouth. That'd be putting his life in your hands messing around with your body like that just to keep you subdued and around them. I don’t think they would give you the capability of being pregnant if you would just kill them after they took out the child," Suigetsu reasoned.

"But they wouldn't necessarily need me anymore as they would have the child. They could use that as the new body," Sasuke countered.

"What good would putting Orochimaru into an itty bitty baby do?" Karin asked.

"It would be good comedic relief for the rest of us," Suigetsu deadpanned.

"Maybe they found a way for the jutsu to be permanent if he were to be transferred into a baby," Juugo suggested thoughtfully.

"Or maybe Kabuto did it to Sasuke without Orochimaru's approval. Let's face facts. Kabuto always did seem a bit more interested in Orochimaru than just master and subordinate. Maybe Kabuto wanted to use Sasuke's body with Orochimaru in it to-" Karin began.

"I'd rather not hear your speculations on what Kabuto may or may not have planned to do with my body," Sasuke said, allowing the disgust to filter into his voice.

"And I would rather not lose my food like Sasuke did at that thought either," Suigetsu grumbled. "Haven't we determined that Orochimaru is sick and twisted enough that there is an actual likelihood of us not wanting to know his sick and twisted reasons, or Kabuto's reasons for that matter, of why Sasuke may be able to get pregnant? It’s pretty likely they had the capability. We know that. I don’t think I want to know the why."

Juugo looked at Suigetsu and nodded before turning to Sasuke.

"Whatever is going on with your body, pregnancy or not, you should still get a check up. If you think you are pregnant then we should figure out a way for you to get rid of it now before it gets too hard to do so," Jugo said thoughtfully.

"Who said I wanted to get rid of the child?" Sasuke asked, his voice soft but deadly.

"You can't be serious! You-"

"I'll concede to the point that the possibility of me actually being pregnant seems unusually likely due to my symptoms. I will also concede to the fact that I should see a doctor. As I do not have female anatomy, I'm speculating that this is a one-time ability. Therefore carrying the child full term will not only be difficult but very risky. It would be best to start the preparations for that as soon as possible. As for getting rid of the child, do not talk to me about it."

No one seemed to want to argue with Sasuke, but it was obvious they wanted to point out the many risks of a guy getting pregnant. Instead, Karin asked another question.

"Why do you think, if you even are pregnant, that you can only do it once?"

"As I have not been getting normal monthly menstruations, clearly my body does not go through the normal phases of ridding itself of eggs and extra blood that supplements the fetus's growth. It is likely that I can only get pregnant once, else my body would be full of blood that was not released during menstruation. Of course this is all just speculation. Until we find out more, the only thing we can do is speculate about the workings of my body."

"You really have thought about this, haven't you? And you really think you're pregnant, don't you?" Karin asked surprised. Sasuke merely nodded.

"But – but – what specifically makes you think that you're pregnant?" Karin asked. "And if you are pregnant, was it your sperm or..." Karin paused, looking horribly dejected at this thought, "...someone else's? And if so, whose?"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"NARUTO!"

Naruto looked behind him and almost “eeped” as he ran faster.

"GET BACK HERE!" Sakura screeched from behind him, but Naruto just ran faster instead of stopping.

"WHY WOULD YOU ASK IF I'M PREGNANT?! ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M FAT?!" Sakura shrieked at Naruto. Naruto shouted behind him.

"Tsunade-baa-chan said-"

"What?!" Sakura screeched, but she stopped, caught off guard that Tsunade had put the idea in Naruto's head, and it hadn’t been his own idea. "Why on earth would she tell you something like that?!" Sakura demanded. After several minutes of Naruto yelling from a good, safe distance away from Sakura after she had finished shrieking her displeasure of being asked if she were pregnant or not, Naruto was finally able to explain.

"...and Tsunade said that the only explanation that I might be having pregnancy symptoms is if I was around a female that was pregnant. And you're the closest female friend I have," Naruto finished.

"You're having pregnancy symptoms?" Sakura asked incredulous.

Naruto blushed and rattled off his symptoms to Sakura.

"It's been going on for a month and a half. I told Tsunade-baa-chan about it around a month ago," Naruto explained. Sakura blinked owlishly at him.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Sakura asked, looking slightly hurt that Naruto hadn't confided in her.

"I thought you'd laugh at me like Tsunade-baa-chan did," Naruto grumbled. Sakura walked forward, bridging the safe distance Naruto had kept between them, and gave a half giggle before covering her mouth with her hand and then sobering up.

"I will admit that it is a little odd that you think that you're pregnant, but if this has been going on for over a month, then something isn't right with your body. Tsunade-shishou can't find anything at all wrong with you?" Sakura asked surprised. Naruto shook his head.

"And no one believes me that I'm pregnant," Naruto said frustrated.

"Naruto, you're not pregnant. It's just not possible. You're a guy," Sakura said, though she said it very gently.

"But – I feel it! I can't even explain it. It’s like I can feel an extra connection with my chakra. I just know I'm gonna be a Daddy," Naruto said, his eyes wide, fierce with the desire for her to just believe.

"Hmm," Sakura said thoughtfully. "Maybe your new sage chakra has made you feel extra sensitive to chakra, and perhaps it’s something else. You can pick up on people’s chakra signatures from anywhere in Konoha, so it could even be the developing child or someone you’ve never met. Or…maybe you just want to be a father so badly that you're trying to will it to be so."

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked.

"You believe it, so your body is reacting to your beliefs. You're not really pregnant, but your mind and your body think you are so your body's showing certain aspects of being pregnant. A placebo affect in a way." Sakura engulfed Naruto in a comforting hug and ruffled his hair. She pulled back and grinned widely at Naruto who had turned red at the affection. "I didn't see you as the kind who would be ready to settle down and start a family already."

"I'm not! I – I just feel pregnant," Naruto mumbled. Sakura gave him a piteous look.

"Ah Naruto, you're such an idiot," Sakura said, but there was deep affection in her voice. "I truly had no idea how badly you wanted a family. You're lonely," Sakura said sadly.

Naruto scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. He'd never really considered that possibility before. Perhaps he just wanted a family so badly that he was making his body think he was pregnant. He did want a family, especially since he was missing one of the few people he considered part of his extended family – the most important person in his extended family.

Ever since they had become friends, Naruto had considered Sasuke like part of his family. Since Sasuke wasn't to be found, and since the time that he had last seen Sasuke three months ago when their fighting had drastically and unexpectedly changed into them becoming intimate...

Well, maybe Naruto was just hopeful, trying to bring a part of his family home by thinking that he carried Sasuke's child within him. Putting it like that made Naruto snort.

Naruto shook his head.

"Ah, you're right Sakura. I'm just being stupid," Naruto said, sadly.

"Missing Sasuke?" Sakura asked. Naruto sighed and nodded.

"Me too. But we’ll find him and bring him back, even if Tsunade-shishou doesn’t think he’s alive."

"Trust me. I know he is. And I will bring him back," Naruto promised.

"When that happens, maybe these silly little symptoms will go away."

Naruto’s symptoms stopped at the end of the week, and Naruto went back to his normal life, not thinking about babies again for quite some time.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Six and a half months later…

Naruto awoke, yawning. He sat up and stretched his arms, rubbing his eyes as he then stood up and stretched even wider. He cracked his neck, twisting his body this way and that to get the kinks out. As he turned his body to the side while stretching, he happened to look over at the foot of his bed. His movements ceased suddenly.

There, by the foot of his bed, was a baby nestled in a basket sleeping peacefully. Naruto blinked his eyes in disbelief, his mouth opening and closing before he managed to finally speak his mind.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A BABY DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

Next Chapter: Baby

Don’t worry; there will be some time jumping around. You’ll get to see how the little tyke got to Naruto’s room, and yes, of course, how exactly the little tyke got put into Sasuke’s belly. Let me know what you thought! ~ Jelp