True Directions

A/N: A little shorter than my usual updates but chock-full of angsty goodness for your reading pleasure.
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Step Three- De-mystifying the Opposite Sex.

Naruto opened his eyes to robin’s egg blue, sighed, and rolled out of bed. None of the other boys were up but Naruto was used to rising with the sun to feed the few horses on their neighbor’s property. It was an easy job but it hadn’t helped his sleeping habits in any way. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and saw dark bags under his eyes that hadn’t been there three days before.

But that shouldn’t matter, should it? Men weren’t supposed to spend time on looking attractive. It was shower, shave, clothes, and not a single moment worrying about a bad hair day or a pale, wan face. Naruto brushed his teeth and went into one of the separate stalls to strip, careful to remember a towel. Public nakedness was punished by solitary, and as much as he loathed some of the people at True Directions the thought of being locked up with nothing but his thoughts for a week was agonizing.

He turned on the shower, taking a cold blast of water first to take care of any ‘morning problems’ as Gai had put it when he had informed them that there were cameras in the bathroom. There were other things that were punishable by solitary as well, and Naruto wasn’t going to chance random video feed. Soon enough he was washed, smelling strongly of Head and Shoulders as he dried off and wrapped a towel around his midsection.

Normally he would take his clothes in and change in the stall, but since everyone was asleep-

Naruto walked into something hard and warm, nearly falling on his ass until two strong hands wrapped around his upper shoulders.

“Sorry.” Naruto opened his eyes to see Neji watching with a strange expression on his face. He was mussed, still flushed from sleep, and for a moment he looked normal, a little soft around the edges…until Naruto smiled and Neji’s face turned grim, snapping,”Watch where you’re going,” before shoving Naruto away.

Unluckily Naruto got shoved into a bed that was not his own and just as he hit the lump under the covers he was pinned to the mattress with a hand around his throat.

Gaara had really woken up on the wrong side of the bed. His eyes were narrowed and his lips were pulled back in a snarl that made Naruto worry about his soft bits. Maybe boys weren’t supposed to pay attention to their own appearances, but Naruto started getting practical with the threat of permanent scars and gouged eyes.

“Sorry,” Naruto choked, pointing to where Neji had just disappeared through the door, “Neji…pushed…”

Naruto gasped a breath when Gaara’s grip let up but it started coming in helpless soft pants as Gaara kept his hand wrapped around Naruto’s neck. The look on his face…Naruto lay there, sprawled and helpless, and discovered that Gaara…he was…Naruto’s mind fought hard, but it was true; Gaara was startlingly beautiful. In the morning light his eyes were unnaturally green, and his red hair askew from sleeping framed a face that was porcelain pale that made his lips a soft pink. Just like Neji for a moment Gaara looked soft as his lips curled with lazy intent.

“Um.” Naruto couldn’t blame a shiver on the cold now, last night had revealed too much, but he wrapped his arms around his torso anyways. “Sorry about that I’ll…just, ah, go now.”

“Are you sure?” Gaara was mocking him a little, but in a gentle way, not like Sasuke’s thinly veiled hatred. “I could make room for you.”

Naruto wanted to laugh, to deny, but the heat of his blush was hiding another sort of heat entirely. And for a moment-

“I could have you both reported for this, you know.” Sasuke’s voice reintroduced reality for long enough that Naruto could pull away from Gaara’s stare and stand.

“There’s nothing to report,” He snapped, his anger banishing the warm potential of Gaara’s small smile. Sasuke didn’t bother responding, he just stared coolly before heading towards the bathroom, looking like some damned prince.

“I hate that guy.” Naruto didn’t bother lowering his voice, “Goddamned stuck-up bastard.”

Then, carefully not looking in Gaara’s direction, he pulled on his clothes, made his bed, and headed for breakfast.

-

“-and the man will touch the woman’s breast.” Kurenai said, hitting the slide button, “Many women find this act enjoyable.”

The next slide flashed across the screen and Ten Ten giggled, holding a hand over her mouth.

“Men like large breasts.” Kurenai enunciated carefully, looking over to make sure the blue section was paying attention. Behind her back Ino reached over with her aversion therapy wand and zapped Tayuya who zapped Ten Ten who zapped Moegi who zapped Ino again since Hinata wasn’t looking at the screen on account of Ino’s hand in front of her eyes.

Kurenai was about to turn around just as Naruto saw Tayuya’s hand shoot out and grab-

“Why?” Naruto blurted, grabbing the woman’s attention. “Why are big boobs better?”

“Well,” Kurenai opened her mouth only to close it again, searching Naruto’s face before saying, “That’s something you should ask-”

“It’s because bigger women have bigger bras,” Sasuke smirked, “and you can hide things in there. That’s why daddy always has his hands up mommy’s shirt.”

“He’s looking for change.” Lee added, thumbs up, “That’s what my neighbor friend always says. She says that’s how you get your return on a boob job as long as it’s a good one and they jiggle right.”

Neji’s shoulders began to tremble but his face stayed straight as he intoned, “It sounds like your friend could write that off on her taxes as a small business expense.”

Over in the pink section the girls were doubled over, hands shoved down their mouths as Naruto tried to look amazed. Lee only got more excited and the truth of it was that Naruto couldn’t tell if he was acting or not, though he desperately hoped so. The boy had a grin that just wouldn’t stop.

“Oh no, her business isn’t small at all,” He exclaimed, “Men are always up in her room making deposits!”

Ino had given up on stifling her laughs and was working towards being able to breathe, her hand clamping Ten Ten’s thigh as her shoulders heaved. The other girls were in similar shape, even Hinata was giggling. Tayuya was not amused however, and her threats were easily lip-read as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Naruto bit his bottom lip and tried to look confused; being blonde helped enormously, “So big breasts appreciate in value?”

“It’s a wise investment,” Neji looked like he might actually be having fun, his pale eyes practically glinting as he continued, straight-faced, “D-cups are recession-proof… like energy.”

“C-cups?” Naruto let his eyes go wide.

Neji tilted his head and answered, “Like owning shares in Nintendo. Pure entertainment.”

Someone took the opportunity that a speechless instructor represented and the slide
projector crashed to the floor taking its eight by twelve foot double-ds with it. The machine automatically refocused until two enormous tits seemed to be hanging from the ceilings like fleshy alien gods. There was a large zapping noise and someone screamed as the lights flickered off and on.

“OKAY!” Kurenai was bright red, her puffed-out chest showing her own assets, “EVERYBODY OUT! YOU’VE ALL LOST YOUR CLOTHING PRIVLEDGES!”

The mass exodus was exhilarating and in the tumble no one worried about who was pink or who was blue, they were all groping indiscriminately in a mix of electric jolts and ass-grabbing that was still hilarious even when wearing a plastic blue suit.

-

In Gai’s class they were led to a white room furnished with a single table and five rows of pickle jars. At Naruto’s count there were at fifteen of them, alternating between Dill and Sweet. They were store bought and Naruto could see the small plastic tags still over the rims.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Sasuke looked like he really wanted to stomp on something.

“AH! Youthful passion!” Gai grinned broadly and stuck his hands on his hips, “Today we concentrate on household chores. Our lovely female counterparts are physically weaker so often MEN are counted on to accomplish TASKS OF MANUAL LABOR! We must support the fairer sex!”

“With pickles?” For the first time Lee sounded less than exuberant. Gai cleared his throat, and looked down at the jars lined up so perfectly there might as well be a grid on the table.

“Well, yes.” For the first time the instructor's enthusiasm seemed strained. He picked up a jar and looked into the contents like it was a crystal ball and he needed to know the future fast. Gai made a face when all he saw was his own reflection and pulled himself together, bowl-cut hair shining in the light as he gave the group a thumbs-up.

“Often WOMEN have trouble OPENING JARS!” Gai continued, wrapping his hand around the lid to open the jar with an effortless ‘pop’. “It is a test of MANHOOD to take on this task...We will race!”

Gai gestured and an enormous timer came down from the ceiling, reading 60 in bright red numerals.

“The person with the most seals left open will have to…” Gai trailed off until they were all leaning forward, rapt despite themselves. Punishments at True Directions were few but sadistically creative, “…help our wonderful young ladies do the dishes!”

Normally doing dishes wasn’t a huge deal, but doing the dishes with Tayuya…Naruto shuddered and prayed to Heinz that he’d get a lucky string of jars.

Gai grinned, put the opened jar down in front of Sasuke, and announced, “Begin!”

And so they began. Naruto got his first one opened easily, but the second one gave him some trouble. Out of habit he smacked the edge on the table, making the jars and the other inhabitants jump. Much like Gai Neji simply leaned over and started opening jars, one two three with the greatest of ease. Sasuke wasn’t having near as much luck, and despite being given the head start he was cursing, red-faced as his slim fingers slipped off the lid of his first jar. Lee was also working ferociously, his face scarlet as he made noises that were annoyingly pornographic.

Gaara took one of Neji’s opened jars and started to snack.

Naruto popped the second lid off as the countdown showed ten, nine, eight-

Gaara walked calmly to the head of the table and pulled a three-inch blade out of his pocket, dill in hand.

-seven, six, five-

And leaned over before casually stabbing each unopened lid to create a chorus of glorious ‘pops’.

-four, three, two-

Naruto looked at Gaara standing over him with a knife and didn’t know whether to be terrified or grateful.

“One…And…time’s up…” A buzzer sounded and Gai surveyed the contents of the table, the corner of his lips twitching a little as Gaara calmly crunched away, seemingly serene as his weapon disappeared into a baby blue sleeve. “It looks like the lucky loser is, um-”

Sasuke’s hands fisted as everyone stared at his last sealed bottle. Naruto waited for the inappropriate outburst but it never came, the room only got quieter and quieter as Sasuke’s hands started to shake and his face screwed up into slightly hilarious berserker rage. Still, Gaara kept eating, the loud crunching turning into a mocking sort of auditory victory dance as his eyes narrowed in Sasuke’s direction.

Just before biting into his next pickle Gaara added an entirely audible. “Ha.”

Five horrible seconds later Gai was laughing hollowly as they all tried not to slip in brine, “Ah…the MANLY art of UNARMED COMBAT…”

Sasuke growled and picked up a shard of glass and Gai made a grab at him, but the mix of juice and the weird plastic vinyl of their clothes wasn’t a particularly helpful combination and Sasuke fell forward-

“Boys! Wait-”

-just when Gaara slipped down on one knee, his eyes wide in surprise. There was one moment when the world seemed to stop as Gaara tried to pull his weapon back, but there wasn’t enough time…except that Naruto was already moving, his shoulder ramming into Sasuke hard enough that they both hit the wall only seconds later. Something cracked and Naruto’s shoulder instantly reminded him that quarterbacks were supposed to wear pads and somewhere in their tangle Sasuke groaned, leaning over to retch with a hand on his stomach and a pale, shaken look on his face.

Quarterbacks were supposed to wear pads Naruto’s shoulder insisted again, starting up a choir with his knee and his wrist and his back and his everything because somehow he had managed to hit the wall first and be hit by Sasuke second; table legs and pickle jars all jumbled up in the mix.

And helmets, his headache added unhelpfully.

“Naruto!”

Also, pickle brine in the eyes-

“Come on, get him to the infirmary-”

“I’m fine.” Naruto finally managed to cough, opening his eyes a little wider as he took in a few painful breaths, “I’m fine, Coach, I swear.”

The room went silent, and Naruto smiled weakly, “Kidding. That was a joke-”

“You little *shit*.”

Things got a little confusing after that.

-

“…and that’s why you’ll have to eat your hot dog without relish.” Neji finished, glaring over to where Sasuke and Gaara were playing wait staff. His own hotdog was untouched after having received a similar expression when they were handed out much to the delight of the pink section. After a few racy comments and a disturbing display by Ino they had all realized that the boys weren’t adding to their fun and demanded an explanation.

Ten Ten looked at Naruto and winked. “So you got into a fistfight. How very heterosexual of you.”

“Are you kidding?” Tayuya looked over to where Gaara and Sasuke were glaring at each other, “That’s fucking foreplay. It would’ve been easier just to throw blondie down and each take an end. At least then we’d still have pickles for our goddamned hamburgers.”

Naruto looked over to Ino, waiting for the blowup, but Ino was looking at him with the same expression, her lips twitching into a smile.

Gaara…Sasuke…each take an end…

Naruto felt his skin flush bright red and yelled, “WHAT?!”

Tayuya turned, her usual belligerent scowl just as belligerent as ever, “You fucking heard me, you little cock-gobbling bottom boy, so don’t say what to me.”

Naruto couldn’t help himself, his mouth dropped open in an explosive, “Bitch!”

“And there go your hetero points.” Ino guffawed, slapping Ten Ten on the shoulder,“ Say that again only add on ‘please’ to the end and I’ll die a happy fag hag, I swear to god.”

“And do the hand thing,” Moegi added, waving a limp wrist, “It’s not the same without the hand thing.”

“And sashay away in a tantrum-” Ino added on eagerly, “-to your color coordinated condo-”

“To get gang-banged by a fucking boy-band…” Tayuya added, spitting out bits of chewed food, “…and their entourage.”

“Fuck. You-” Naruto had never hit a girl in his life, but Tayuya was as muscle-bound as a guy and twice as mean…still, he was his father’s son, and that would never change, “At least I have a dick that doesn’t smell like Tupperware, you bitter little dy-”

But there were still things that just couldn’t be let go and there was a reason the Namikaze boy would never be called a faggot to his face. A hand grabbed his shoulder and Naruto lashed out, beyond rage…and ended up face down in his dinner tray, growling and scrabbling for a weapon with his free hand.

“Naruto, my bosom buddy,” Lee’s voice was cheerful but his hands were hard, “Perhaps you should retire for the evening. Your arduous day seems to have rattled your youthful disposition.”

Naruto knew he could take him down, Lee wasn’t a brawler and his pin was textbook. All it would take would be a little applied pressure and he’d be-

“Naruto.” Lee whispered, “Please calm down.”

That was all it took. A simple phrase and Naruto was down flat, going limp with a deep, controlled breath. He heard his father’s voice add, ‘Count back from fifty and walk away. Like a real man’.

The anger was still there but Naruto bottled it up like so many things before, tucking up the excess into someplace warm where the chill of rage might be melted away.
But now, in this place, the process was harder and took longer than the usual fifty count. All those memories, hopes, and love seemed to be fading away. There was no place to hide the chill.

But Naruto could still walk away.

“Alright, Lee.”

“Wonderful, my platonic friend!” Lee’s hands were far more gentle as he helped him up, “Perhaps you would like accompaniment to our-”

“No.” Naruto batted him off, shame making his hands shake. He looked up to Tayuya who stared back, uncharacteristically silent with her eyebrows raised nearly to her hairline. “I’m really sorry. I never should have, just…I’m sorry.”

“…you’re a fucking freak.” Tayuya finally spat out, “What the hell-”

“Naruto,” Ino stood, hand clutched over her heart, “Oh Naruto, don’t listen to her, please-”

“Ha. Freak,” Naruto nodded and understood and hated himself even more. “I guess you’re right.”

“Naruto…perhaps you shouldn’t journey alone. Please allow me to-”

Naruto pushed Lee away, but gently, feeling unutterably old as he ignored the growing crowd and walked away; alone, just like a real man.

-

“You’re missing group.” A voice murmured, “Everyone is worried…Naruto…”

The smell of oil and gasoline was familiar but not a comfort. Naruto looked up at the shitty Dodge and saw a Mustang, flawless blue, with an old bent and rusted bumper propped up in the corner with the broken tools.

“It can’t be fixed.”

“What can’t be fixed?”

“The…it…” Naruto choked and his whole body shook while Gai, their ridiculous instructor looked down in pity. The words he wanted wouldn’t come, and he was fighting so hard but Gai rested a hand on his shoulder and Naruto sobbed once, echoingly loud, and abandoned himself to the terror that had grown into a monster from the first moment his father had looked away. A moment of kindness, a show of concern and he was defeated by himself, by his nature.

“I’m never going to see my family again.” Naruto watched the old pavement darken in single drops between his hands, “They don’t love me and I can’t be fixed.”

“Naruto, son-”

“God-” The whole world shook and he sobbed and he hurt and, “They’re going to leave me alone.”

“-take a deep breath, and-”

“I can’t live without my family!” Naruto pushed and fought, but like Lee Gai wouldn’t just walk away, “I can’t, I’d rather die-”

Naruto yelled and screamed and found so much comfort in a pair of warm arms that he realized he really could kill himself. He had that option inside himself and if he was careful no one would be able to take it away, and If he was fast-

But Gai was bigger, stronger, and too stupid to see that Naruto was a lost cause, as he said, “They can’t live without *you*. Come on, take a deep breath-”

And Gai took his arms away, his eyebrows furrowed as he pulled something out of the back pocket of his jeans, but that idea of an end took all of Naruto’s strength away.
And for the first time he understood what it was like to be truly hopeless.

“Namikaze res…Naruto?” And then there was a miracle, painful but still there as Gai held up a cell phone to his ear. “Oh my god, Naruto?!”

But he couldn’t stop crying, something had broken loose and Naruto knew, deep down, that even his father’s acknowledgement couldn’t put him back together again.

“Dad-” It was all he could say, all the strength he could gather before shame pushed him down again. He wasn’t even man enough to stop crying-

“What’s wrong?! Son-” Naruto heard glass shatter, a door slam, and his crying turned into laughter that was even more horrible, more out of control than despair. What a stupid fucking question.

“What’s wrong?!” Naruto wanted to take the phone and slam it again and again and, “You left me *alone*! I hate you,” He scrabbled at Gai’s shoulder to keep him away, and the words were nearly incomprehensible but they still kept coming out, “I *hate* you, I fucking hate you-”

“Naruto, please-”, the short horn of a door unlocking sounded, keys against metal-

“Shut up, Shut up,” That ice rage came up until Naruto was boiling over and his energy abandoned him in a sudden exhale.

“Naruto? Son?” And everything was silent, still except for the ragged coughs of his own breath. He could close his eyes and see his father, panicked, a phone in his hand and keys on the ground as he stood helplessly in the lamplight.

Walk away. Like a real man.

“…I’m sorry.” Naruto whispered, clutching at the phone and resting his forehead on the ground. “I really am.”

Then he pushed the end button, letting the cell clatter to the floor before he had the chance to hear his father not say ‘I love you’.


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Next up: Step Four - Family Therapy