A Brunettes' Revenge

Baaaack! Sorry for the delay, my previous beta has gone missing... I do hope nothing worse than exams happened to her. L

So, I have to thanks Tasukin (aka Tsusami) for (nicely) bullying me into accepting her beta help. Frankly I’ve been an ungrateful troll because I didn’t want to. Being beta-ed by someone whose writing you admire a lot? It’s like being spotted by the guy you’re crushing on while wearing old clothes, with no make-up on and with hairy legs.

But of course she was of tremendous help, so THANK YOU tasukin! Any remaining mistakes is because I messed up with her corrections.


Chapter 2


Naruto didn’t know if it was the pounding at his door or the pounding in his head that woke him, , there was no ignoring either.

Yet he tried. He burrowed his nose in his soft, spicy and slightly sweaty smelling pillow, willing the outside world to fuck off. But his pillow heaved a sigh and rolled away. Naruto made a desperate grab for it and opened his eyes just in time to be greeted by the very pleasant sight of his boyfriend bending over in search of his underwear. The wannabe Hokage resisted blinking against the morning light, not wanting to miss one bit of the show.


“Who the fuck would come –yawn- at this hour, and on this day?” he groaned. Now that he was fully awake, he could hear that whoever was knocking on the door was not really pounding on it. It was more of a brisk knock, announcing someone who was not at all pissed to be out of bed so early, but actually quite eager to start the day as efficiently as possible. It even has some sort of happy rhythm about it. It was the kind of knock that make him wish a painful death on the person able to produce it.


Gaara straightened, holding a piece of ripped cloth in his hand and eying it sadly. “I don’t know.” he sighed. His face, already one of the least cheerful around, darkened even further. He passed a hand through his red locks and not bothering with hiding his nakedness anymore, strode toward the door. “But they’re going to regret it.”


Naruto grinned. Normally the fact that Gaara was about to be spotted naked by someone in his room and certain to maul that same someone would have freaked him out quite a bit; but right now the annoying bugger really deserved to die... or really deserved to be scared away permanently.


He rolled onto his back and winced as something hard poked his ass. He reached for the offensive object and brought back a pair of plastic reindeer horns. He smiled at the memory. Gaara had promised all kinds of retaliations for making him wear those, and he couldn’t wait. He was already a bit sore but...


Then he registered footsteps approaching and realised that he had failed to hear the pain-filled screeches that usually followed a meeting with a pissed off Gaara.


Just as his brain came to the only conclusion available and made him scramble hastily for bedsheets to cover himself, Gaara strolled back to the room, still gloriously naked and followed by... Rock Lee?


Naruto groaned. Just his luck that the annoying bugger had to be the only other Leaf Shinobi the Kazekage wouldn’t want to hurt.


The green-clad ninja shifted the huge cardboard box he was carrying so he could execute a very spirited salute. “Yosh! Naruto-kun! I must say, I am greatly pleased to see you up and ready to fight so early in the morning! It is my deepest regret that I have to interrupt such a youthful display of fighting spirit, but my mission is of great importance, and Iruka-sensei insisted, it's extremely urgent...”


Naruto looked up at him with his best ‘dead fish’ eyes. Fighting spirit? Iruka? Mission?


“Of course, you and our dear friend the Kazekage can resume your training session later if we make enough progress in the day.”


Naruto gaped, while Gaara barely managed to hide his choking laugh with a cough. What kind of person would enter his room at dawn, find him in his bed covered in bruises and naked with another shinobi in a similar state and assimilate that with “early bout of morning training”?


He looked at the round dark eyes, alight with the kind of fire fueled by a pathological form of goodwill and loyalty.


Well, Rock Lee, for sure: the guy who breathed to train and train and train. Of course, Naruto loved training, but he didn’t mind putting a bit of Gaara between his sessions. Hey, they too were doing something pretty energy-consuming.


Rock Lee continued on, still floating high on the clouds of innocence.


“... and this form of training, without clothes on, looks very interesting! Nothing to hold onto or grip, it’s down to pure taijutsu to gain the upper hand! Even if you do seemto have caught a cold, Gaara-san... wait a minute, I think I have some pastilles for that cough... Anyway, I must join you one of these days.”


Gaara immediately stopped laughing and straightened, watching Lee with a leer.


But before he could open his mouth, a pillow zoomed in his direction. The sand eviscerated it lazily, spraying feathers everywhere, but the message had been delivered with a special postscriptum in the form of Naruto’s furious glare.


Basically, it said: ‘It will snow in Suna before you’re allowed in a threesome. And stop thinking perverted things all the time!’


Gaara retorted with a raised brow that clearly stated that someone who used clones in *that* way shouldn’t be allowed to play the offended virtue.


Naruto ‘hmpfed’, a sound implying: the discussion is closed for the moment but wait till we’re alone, sand freak.


He addressed Lee who was watching the feathery rain with a puzzled frown. “Yeah, thanks but no thanks, Lee. And well, there’s a lot of room for Gaara’s skills in taijutsu to improve” That wiped the smirk off the redhead’s face. “... but he won’t try our kind of training with others, RIGHT?”


The Kazekage rolled his eyes, but there was the hint of a smile tugging at his lips when he looked back at his lover. Said man blushed and focused his attention back on Lee.


“Ahem. Remind me why you’re here again?”


“Oh. Right!” Lee lay the cardboard box down on the bed. The mattress sank ominously and Naruto eyed it warily; he had a bad feeling about that box: it managed to emit a very dull aura.


“I had a missive from Shizune-san this morning.” Naruto’s feeling of dread increased at the name. “She reminds you that Iruka has to play Santa-claus for the Academy Students today, so without your assistant you don’t have to go to the Hokage tower tomorrow, er that is, today.”


Naruto’s spirits lifted. He had already reached that conclusion yesterday.


But Rock Lee was not done. “However, she brought to my attention that you were somehow really behind in paperwork, so she wishes for you to use that day off to progress a bit on some of the more pressing topics such as...” Lee rumaged in the box and produced a thick stack of papers “The report on how to improve the security in the new sewage system.”


“But it’s Christmas!” Naruto protested, aghast.


Lee’s face immediately took the contrived and reproachful look of the one who has to go up against his superior.


“Shizune-san anticipated such protests, and wished to remind you that being a Kage entails having no days off.” Lee was probably the only shinobi who could proffer, straight-faced, such an enormity while working under Tsunade’s orders. He pumped a fist. “Besides, Shizune-san entrusted me with the success of this mission. I will help you, Naruto-kun!”


Swift like the wind, Naruto changed tactics.


“Ah, but the thing is, the Kazekage here and myself already have plans to ... diplomatic stuff.” Lee’s face fell a bit; he was obviously torn between his ingrained desire to succeed his self-imposed mission and not dispute the Kazekage’s authority. Naruto rounded on his boyfriend for support. “Right, Gaara?”


But Gaara smiled, and if that grin could not compare to his old Shukaku-crazy one, it definitely lacked Christmas spirit. The young man straightened and made his way toward the door, nodding to Lee as he passed him.


“Nothing that can’t wait until tonight, Naruto-kun. Obviously this is more important.”


Naruto gaped in horror at his departing boyfriend. In a bit of desperation-enhanced creativity, he shouted, “But... I would have Suna take the lead in the negotiations! And...” here he hesitated, but sexual allusions were bouncing off Lee’s thick mental walls like pebbles on a mountain. “And Konoha would have swallowed a lot of compromises!”


Gaara did not stop. He just turned, put his two hands up on his head, both index fingers pointing toward the ceiling. His eyes shone with mirth as he mouthed silently behind Lee’s back, ‘Reindeer horns’. Then in a whirlwind of sand he teleported his naked ass toward his own suite and out of Naruto’s reach.


Naruto stared at the vacant spot till Lee’s cheerful voice sliced sharply through his indignant stupor.


“What would you like to start with, Naruto-kun? The review about the new academy’s calculus courses or the preliminary plan on the third training ground’s construction?


This was going to be the worst Christmas ever.

*

oooOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOooo

*

Tsunade frowned at the blurry note on her desk. So Shizune was with Naruto, backing him in a corner and forcing him to do some long-forgotten paperwork heh? She chuckled evilly, then groaned when her brain seemed to kick directly at her forehead, as if to say: “Are you stupid, remember I’m hungover here!”


She waited a moment for the painful throb to recede. She made her way toward her office; today she felt –like many mornings before- like her hair was growing inside her skull and her eyeballs had connected roots with her teeth and like her stomach had relocated itself in her mouth. But she had the remedy for that; sneering at Shizune's coffee mug in passing, she reached for a heavy scroll on a shelf, behind it was –nothing!


Tsunade frowned, puzzled. She was pretty sure she had not emptied the contents of that hidden spot yet. Oh well, there still was the huge decorative jar in the corridor –empty, fucking gods!


She went through all the hidden spots in which she usually put her bottles of sake. None of them were there. Okay, no trouble. There were plenty of places where she could buy sake, no need to fret.


But as she turned to do just that, she nearly smacked into one of her Jounin and lost her reputation as an omniscient leader in the same move. Refraining to yell the man out of her way, she smiled tightly at him.


“Yes, Ebisu?”


The Jounin, looking either slightly constipated or worried, bowed to her and said, “Hokage-sama... the Orphans’ Christmas tree is about to begin and... The orphans are here alright, but Santa Claus –that is to say, Iruka- isn’t. I’ve just received a message from him. He’s apparently too sick to come and... We have no one else available to play Santa.”


Tsunade stared blankly at him for a second or two, during which her brain pointed out that yes, Ebisu had in one of his hands what looked like a crumpled red coat with a white lining, and yes, there was a steady growing level of noise approaching, the kind that can be produced only by an avalanche or a group of children. She had little hope it was the former.


She closed her eyes, racking her mind for minions who could be put in charge of that task. “Izumo? Kotetsu?”


“You assigned them to clean up after the Christmas Party and since they started by cleaning all the remains of alcohol, I don’t think they’re up to the job. And Raido has the week off, there’s no telling where he can be.”


Tsunade kept her eyes shut, as if it could prevent her from seeing reality. “ANBU?”


“Their syndicate petitioned after you made them pose for that calendar, now they refuse tasks that aren’t directly linked to their job.”


Tsunade groaned and opened her eyes. Reality was too much of a persistent bitch. “You?” she asked, without much hope.


“I’m starting my shift at the gates in ten minutes.”


So it was really leaving her with only two choices. Either she took the costume and passed the next two hours trying to maintain a good henge in a room full of noisy brats with a migraine-addled brain, or she could go and explain to their guide why the orphans would have to go without a Christmas Tree this year.


Then Kurenai’s voice, sweet-laden and cheerful, floated through the corridor to the Hokage’s ears.


“Now, who wants to see Santa-Claus?”


“ME!” a chorus of happy squeaks cheered.


Tsunade snatched the red costume and glared at her subordinate. “Ten minutes?” then you have the time to go and fetch me a bottle of...” The picture of a Santa with a kid on his knee inhaling an alcoholic breath briefly entered her brain. “...water, damnit. I need to rehydrate.”


Putting on the red cloack and moth-eaten false barb, Tsunade decided that this was probably going to be the worst Christmas ever.
*

oooOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOooo

*


“Are you done already?” Kohonamaru asked, his tone bored. He absolutely refused to show his nervousness before that annoying girl, but he wanted to put as much distance between himself and the Hokage building and quick.


Hyuuga Hanabi straightened and desactivated her Byakugan. She sneered at her temporary sidekick. “Frightened now? I wanted to be sure that I didn’t forget any hidden places. Unlike you, I’m not satisfied with a sloppy job.”


Konohamaru swallowed any witty comeback –not a difficult task since none came to mind- deciding to play it cool. That Hyuuga prick would certainly not be so nonchalant if she had ever encountered the Hokage in full crazy old bat mode before, like he had. He understood why Iruka-sensei had asked her to join. That eye-trick thing was certainly handy, but still, she was a pain. He adjusted the bag slung across his shoulder, the move making the sake bottles inside do a musical ‘Chtonk’.


“Fine. Let’s go then.” The lanky brunette fell in step besides him. They jumped across a few roofs before the girl, surprisingly, talked to him again.


“So, what kind of dirt do you think Iruka-sensei has on Ebisu-sensei?”


The young Sarutobi’s brows arched up in surprise. “You mean, apart from his nasty habit of spying on the women’s baths?”


Hanabi rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows about that. Surely it’s something else.”


Konohamaru nimbly overstepped a few sprouting pipes. “Ah, but does Ebisu-sensei know that everyone knows?” His chakra enhanced feet quickly caught the side of a chimney and he made a twirl in the air, momentarily facing his companion.


“But most importantly, what kind of dirt does he have on you, princess?”


The kunoichi frowned. “He has nothing on me.” Shizune did, but she was not about to tell him that.


Konohamaru snorted. “Right, he asked you because he knew you just couldn’t pass up a laugh. Or maybe that’s because of your famed helping temperament?”


Hanabi growled. “Shut up. I’m pretty sure that in your case he didn’t have to dig much!”


The boy just laughed. “Me? I actually volunteered. He caught me when I tried to sneak a bit of alcohol out of the Jounin Party yesterday. Told me he has a plan for me to find more booze.”


“I don’t believe you.” She said her voice full of scorn.


“Suits you. But I can tell you, the benefits of being a real prankster like me is that you can hardly find anything to hold me over, I already have done too much to worry over punishment or my reputation.” He injected more chakra into his feet and leaped ahead of her, quickly gaining speed.


Just before disappearing in a nearby alley, he shouted: “Try to remember that, stick in the mud!”


Hanabi stilled dead on her tracks and followed the stupid boy with furious eyes.


What a waste of Christmas morning.

*

oooOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOooo

*


Shizune awoke with a start, feeling slightly disoriented. That could have been because of the unfamiliar ceiling above her, barely discernible in the bleak morning light, but it was probably more due to the foreign sensation of an arm circling her waist.


Her mind started to pick up the thread that had led to that particular situation. The Christmas Party, and how they both had –with Iruka taking the lead-, decided to get revenge for years of unnecessary stress and compromises by ruining their bosses’Christmas, while keeping themselves safely out of the line of fire.


Iruka had no trouble thinking of a plan that would include Tsunade in his own vendetta against his blonde charge. He had rummaged a bit in the Hall in search of potential helpers, had found Ebisu (who apparently owed him big for some thing), Rock Lee (who could be manipulated, or rather, challenged into anything provided that you used the right words) and Konohamaru (as expected; the kid couldn’t see a party in which he was not invited without trying to gatecrash it).


Shizune had added her own name to that unlikely Christmas elves team, and sent a note to Hanabi Hyuuga. She felt the tiniest bit of regret about it. Her note had been very polite, not a trace of threat there, yet she knew that she was forcing the girl’s hand because she would have read her missive as a good Hyuuga would –with paranoia clouding her mind. Of course, it was not as if Shizune had real leverage on her: the girl had just one day came to her, ashen-faced, to ask if having a boy’s tongue down her throat meant that she was going to be pregnant. For a 14 years old girl, even a Hyuuga, kissing a boy was not such a terrible act; the only threat here was the risk to be the laughing stock of Konoha’s teenage population.


And then, when the whole plan was set up and there wasn’t anything to do but wait to see it bear fruits, he had surprised her again and invited her back to his apartment, when she nearly had given up on any chance of anything happening that night. And well, nothing much would have happened, because even full of surprises the hot shinobi with a definite playful, devilish side was still a damn gentleman.


And then... she had surprised herself. Well at least there were areas in which she could take the lead. She blushed at the memory, and shifted a bit. The movement made the arm around her waist slightly tighten its grasp. Good.


She smiled and brushed the caramel skin with her fingertips, tracing the slim muscles up to the hand resting on her breast, broad and square and delicate when touching. Still, she wriggled out of his embrace. She intended to use the implicit rule that in a newly formed couple or a one night stand, the first one who awoke had the right to cheat and groom a bit until they looked pleasantly refreshed and minty-breathed when the other awoke.


Her eyes scanned the room, searching for something to cover her naked skin. Iruka practiced the very male form of horizontal tidying up, meaning that a lot of his stuff was simply gathered in clumps on the floor. She picked up a fading blue bathrobe and made her way toward the bathroom.


Bypassing a clumsily decorated Christmas tree (the amount of orange pointing to a heavy Naruto influence), she stopped at a large bay window. Konoha was laid before her eyes in all its Christmas glory.


And that was not much, really. Now if it had been a cheesy romance movie, the landscape would have been covered in snow, a perfect white blanket symbolizing her new start in relationships, or love, or whatever crap could be symbolized by a layer of snow.


Instead of that Konoha’s weather was behaving far more in character, albeit with a less dramatic sense, and from a sky like molten iron was drizzling a cold rain persistent enough to turn even the trees to mud.


That suited Shizune just fine. She didn’t think that she had made a new start in anything and neither had Iruka. They were two meek persons that, just for one day, had decided not to be. Just for one day, they made time for them, they who usually dedicated it to others.


But apart from that, no, nothing had changed much. Tomorrow she’d start her day as she usually did, at Tsunade’s side or at the hospital if her presence was needed there most. As for Iruka, well...


She heard a sigh and a rustle behind her, and turned to find Iruka raising his head and propping it on his hand. His chocolate brown hair messily fell around his face and she fought the urge to run her hand in it, as much to straighten the strands than to feel their silkiness one last time.


The academy teacher smiled at her. “Nice view.”


Shizune’s eyes turned briefly toward the window as she smiled back. “A bit wet for my tastes.”


Iruka’s smile grew while his eyes darkened slightly. “I was not talking about the city.”


... as for Iruka, well, she still couldn’t say what would come tomorrow, but as for today apparently his mind was set. And provided that she could persuade him to drop the lame pick-up lines...


...It was shaping up to be the greatest Christmas Day ever.


THE END


Wow, my first het. I’m so proud. *wipes tear* I hope you enjoyed it Pamy-chou, if that the case, it’s worth the tears, sweat and blood it caused me to write it. -_-


Next! Inner Obstacle, chapter 4! That is, if Pamy-chou doesn’t forget about it again! XD