Finding it Out

Hello! Thank you for all the rewievs, they were awesome. :)

Just thought I'd mention that I don't own Google or YouTube (in case you thought otherwise. ha ha). Oh, and this too: http://forum.sbrforum. com/private-zone/49863-if-you-have-butt-fetish-you-probably-have-gay-tendancies.html (without the space). Good reading actually.

Anyway, it might not be gold, but it's definetely saffron! :)

--

”Christ…”

He scrolled down.

”Oh my god, how is it…”

More scrolling.

“Jesus, how can anyone look like… Gross…”

With a somewhat disgusted look on his face, Sasuke sat by his computer scrolling through images upon images of rear ends. Goggle search might be a great search engine, but when trying to find out whether you had a butt fetish or not, it was somewhat lacking in pictures of any normal rear ends.

Sasuke sighed and raked a hand through his hair. Why did it have to be so damn difficult? Another sight escaped his lips while he thought of alternative means of finding out whether you had a thing for asses or not. Perhaps YouTube would be a better option.

Upon entering the wonderful world of home-made videos of varying quality, Sasuke decided to take a different approach. Perhaps `ass´ was not the proper word to base his search upon. So after consulting his inner self, he decided to instead try searching for `naked´.

Simple, yet straight forward enough for him to receive a satisfying result.

Or not.

Sasuke cocked his head to the left and gave the page a disapproving look.

Finding out whether or not you liked asses by looking at half naked women doing… weird stuff was apparently not the approach he was meant to take, Sasuke realised once a growing feeling of nausea slowly formed in the pit of his stomach.

He quickly exited the useless page and leaned back in his chair to contemplate his misfortune.

Ok, so not women, he thought and drew a straight line over the sentence `rear end of female´ he so neatly had written down on a post-it note by the computer.

”Ok, so what’s next?” he muttered to himself tapping the pen on the table.

`Rear end of male´ said the note.

“Well, surprise, surprise,” Sasuke sarcastically said and dropped the pen. Not that he honestly believed he’d like it. It’s not like he was gay or anything. He was just checking on order to be absolutely certain about it; so that no one later could come and demand some statistics or whatever to prove his innocence. Innocence? Not that it was likely anyone would do that, but as long as the possibility existed, he had to be extremely precautious and take everything into account.

He glared at the screen for a second or two, before taking a deep breath and once again clicking his way to YouTube.

“Alright, here we go.”

Sasuke typed in `man+ass´ in the search field and clicked search. He clicked on the first result and prepared for the worse.

And to Sasuke’s `great surprise´ did the old man getting his ass slapped not answer his question. And when not even the song “Ass Man” along with some pictures of said body part was enough to evoke the slightest reaction in Sasuke, apart from a frown and a disgusted snort that is, he decided that no, he was not gay, and he did not have a butt fetish.

Which lead to the next question: why did that Uzumaki retard have a nice ass?

Sasuke bit the insides of his cheeks and `hmm´-ed quietly.

What if he didn’t have a nice ass? Perhaps the replaced reality he’d been suppressing earlier hadn’t really existed in the first place, because really, the multicolored tiles were actually kind of exciting in their own quirky way. What if the butt fetish only applied to a certain type of asses?

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Of course it did! One couldn’t possibly like all asses that presented themselves in front of one’s eyes. That would result in massive spontaneous combustions of something other than made-up realities. The whole world would fall apart, not to mention the people; they’d be lying in piles on each other, practically raping everything with a rear end. It would be chaos equivalent to nothing before seen; not even a tsunami could possibly wreck as much havoc.

No, even though it was a fetish, it had to have some sort of boundaries. What were the criteria’s for having a fetish anyway?

Sasuke yet again twisted in his chair and faced the bright screen of the computer.

“So Google, do you have the answer?” Sasuke mused, mostly to himself, as his fingers went over the keyboard. He pondered for a few seconds how to phrase his dilemma, but settled for: `How do I know if I have a butt fetish?´ which he could tell right away gave a far more pleasing result than anything else he’d searched for that day. A series of serious links popped up and they didn’t seem to be mocking the fetishists at all.

So with a small smile on his face, Sasuke scrolled up and down a few times, before deciding to click on the link highest up. Supposing he’d found the answer to his question, he read the first sentence—

If you have a butt fetish you probably have gay tendencies.

—only to close the window approximately 1.3 second later.

No, Sasuke thought to himself, I did not just read that!

Because even though it ought to have been apparent that a possible affinity for the male gender might have been something Sasuke should have been able to anticipate, the implication of the word `gay´, struck Sasuke like a bitch-slap across the face. Hadn’t he already come to the conclusion that he was not gay? Obviously whoever wrote this must’ve been out of his mind! And it was just probably. Not definitely; quite a huge difference there.

But then he remembered the shower scene again. How could he have forgotten? The “Yes Naruto, I’m gay and I want to screw you” part had been shuffled away in a corner, far from where anyone would even think of looking.

Was he gay? For Nar- Uzumaki? No…?

Sasuke brought up his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Something he hadn’t done since the age of three, or maybe six if you pushed it.

How could he forget a very, if not the most important factor he had to take into account?

Sasuke felt his mood drop down a few floors. Landing on the ground, and then drilling its way down to the core of the earth. In other worlds, he felt like shit. He really didn’t feel like doing anything besides sleeping right then. He sighed.

Tomorrow was Thursday. This meant he’d meet Uzumaki again. Sasuke let his fringe hide his eyes while silently contemplating what to do.

A disease. Flu? Swine flu? Will that make me gross? Is it gross to have swine flu? Will they see I’m lying? Call my bluff? Sasuke snorted and twisted in his chair. He better not tell anyone, or I’ll make sure it’ll be his last time telling anyone about anything. Maybe we could talk. Tell him it was a misunderstanding. No! That’d be lame. I don’t wanna be lame. I’m not lame.

Sasuke sighed and looked at the clock and noticed that it had grown quite late. Almost half past twelve. His parents hadn’t come home yet.

Sasuke yawned and stretched his back a bit before deciding it was time to go to sleep. A new day would present itself tomorrow and new quests would arise, resulting in a whole new set of troubles. The bed looked impossibly inviting, and so, without caring to brush his teeth or change clothes, Sasuke walked up to the bed and fell—face first—onto the soft mattress.

--

Not quite the same as last time, Sasuke noted as something heavy and sharp moved around on his back. No soft grass, no ladybug; not even an angry blonde guy screaming curses and obscenities about literature in his ear.

The heavy, sharp object gave a particularly sharp stab under his shoulder blade.

“Ow! What the hell?!” Sasuke grunted out in a sleepy voice and shot his arm out from underneath his stomach and groped with his hand after the unwelcome object torturing his poor back. He managed to grab a hold of something soft, yet hard. But perhaps he grabbed it a little too brutal, he noted, since the object in question began screaming in an extremely loud, piercing, almost ear-shattering tone.

Sasuke, still dazed by sleep, rolled over onto his back, holding the screaming animal in a tight grip.

“Francois?” he slobbered out with a small river of drool running down his left chin. He squinted at the red and green parrot who was unsuccessfully trying to flap its wings while being squeezed uncomfortably in his fist. He vaguely wondered whether he ought to let it go, but couldn’t really make his hands move as he wished. The screams of the parrot, Francois José, echoes throughout Sasuke’s room, and apparently also the rest of the house as no more than ten seconds later, a furious Uchiha Fugaku, father of one Uchiha Sasuke, stormed into the room, hair all over the place and robe barely covering his most private area.

“WILL YOU MAKE THAT FUCKING PARROT SHUT THE HELL UP?!” he screamed for all his lungs were worth.

Sasuke, quickly evaluating the situation as potentially dangerous, finally managed to gain control of his numb hands and let the parrot go and thus letting it drop mercilessly onto the hard wooden floor. This did, unfortunately, not make the situation any better and the parrot just kept on screaming, only this time simultaneously running around on the floor creating a horribly annoying clacking noise, caused by its claws, and flapping its wings.

A horrible mess of feathers and red angry faces occupied Sasuke’s room as Fugaku purposely strode towards Sasuke and grabbed the collar of his shirt.

“Son, if you don’t make that parrot silent in five minutes, I’ll fucking kill it! Got it?!” He hissed in his son’s face, causing some miniscule drops of spit to land on Sasuke’s greasy face, before letting go and walking out of the room, slamming the door as he left. Sasuke wiped his face and hurriedly scrambled up from his half sitting position and dashed after the still screaming bird.

He soon managed to grab Francois’ left wing, resulting in the loudest scream so far, before he agilely put the parrot’s beak in between his forefinger and thumb. A move he’d adapted by watching his surprisingly nifty mother silence the noisy parrot with a single hand motion. It always worked. The silence was a welcome sound and as soon as Francois realised he really couldn’t do anything, he settled down.

“Stupid bird,” Sasuke lectured the bird and brought it to its cage, closing and locking the opening so no other successful escape attempts were to happen. Francois had by then settled for a quiet and invisible sulk.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Sasuke asked and crossed his arms, looking crossly at Francois. He somewhat enjoyed scolding the bird for acting like a small child. “You’re always fussing around, you moron.”

Francois turned around and presented Sasuke with his back.

“Giving me the cold shoulder, huh?” Sasuke asked and shook his head. “Stupid bird…”

Sasuke just stood there for a moment, looking at the sulking bird. It made him think of other animals and then nature in general. Francois’ green head kind of reminded him of a meadow; a really green and summery meadow. And the red could be fire. A burning meadow.

And so, lost in thoughts of environmental issues; greenhouse gases, tsunamis, rising water levels and somewhere in there the thought of which weekday it was popped out.

Thursday, he thought and let his gaze travel to the window letting the bright sunlight in. He remembered what implications Thursday brought with it; a new day, math, biology, restrooms and the fact that he hadn’t set his alarm last night. He checked his watch and noted that it was five past ten.

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “Fucking hell…” he muttered and began making a mental checklist on things he had to do before rushing to school, lamely explaining his lateness. He raised his left arm and brought his head closer to the armpit.

With a frown, he decided that number one on his checklist would be to shower. The phone rang downstairs and a soon a roar of angry curses was heard before the phone was thrown onto what sounded like the wall. Probably a telemarketer if the harsh breathing downstairs was anything to go by. Sasuke sighed again. His father really ought to control his morning temper better; it would benefit both him and his surroundings.

But he decided not to dwell on this for too long, however. A warm, nice shower was exactly what he needed right then, and so he walked out from his room and into the bathroom right across the hallway. As he was the only one sleeping on the upper floor of the house he basically had the bathroom to himself.

It would probably have been out-of-this-world awesome had Sasuke been a girl, but as this wasn’t the case, he had to settle with being just relatively satisfied with the arrangements.

After slowly undressing and placing the dirty laundry in nice piles in perfect symmetry next to each other (for reasons unknown), Sasuke stopped in front of the mirror and looked at himself for a while. Not out of vanity. Or perhaps. Who knows? He was a bit red around his right eye. Not a black eye, but it looked somewhat hurt. Like he’d been rubbing it for two hours straight. Sasuke didn’t like what he saw and frowned. He didn’t enjoy looking tired or beaten up. It just wasn’t him.

The corners of his mouth turned down and his greasy face reflected the fluorescent light dramatically, causing his face to look somewhat plastic. He roughly poked his cheek and noticed how the flesh sunk. Like a big hole. He then directed his vision to his left arm. It was thin. He poked it as well and felt that he really didn’t have much of any muscles. Perhaps he should work out. Didn’t gay guys do their best in order to look good? Sasuke suddenly remembered his shitty mood from yesterday and began feeling depressed. He looked like a carcass; like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. If he turned out to be gay, he really wasn’t a good one.

“That’s not me,” he said quietly, referring to the mirror image of himself. `Don’t be silly, of course it’s you´ he heard a voice in his head saying; his rational voice. `But on the other hand, it’s not really you, it’s a reflection of you. But that’s what you look like. Like a torn rag-doll.´

Sasuke shook his head. How could anyone like him? Even if he was in lo- that with… would it be a mutual understanding? Not that he was. Just if. Just in case.

Sasuke leaned towards the mirror, resting his forehead against the glass. Giving himself a mocking look he twisted his head to the right, forehead still firmly in place against the mirror. He suddenly had the strangest urge to sound like Gollum. See if he could.

“Precious,” he said in a low voice, trying his best to evoke the raspy undertone. “They stole it from us… lying, filthy hobbits. Give it back! Precious, precious!” He spat out the last part, small droplets of spit landing on the mirror right in front of his mouth. It sounded very comical and the fact that Sasuke was very much naked didn’t help. If he’d been wearing a loin-cloth he’d almost look like the sorry creature.

He smiled wickedly and brought a hand up to the mirror. He touched it with the tip of his fingers and dragged them along its surface. But he realised how ridiculous he probably appeared and stopped. He slowly leaned backwards again and stood up straight. His father yelled something sounding like “Smuts!”(1) downstairs, but Sasuke ignored it—probably just another telemarketer anyway—and turned on the shower.

The water started pouring down. Sasuke poked his toe in the water, noting that it was too cold. He hated freezing water and wasn’t about to begin showering in it just because some damn environmentalists or whatever said so.

When the water had turned scalding hot he stepped into the shower. But it wasn’t long before the unmistakable smell of synthetic strawberry hit his nostrils and traveled through his respiratory organ. It made him nauseous. He quickly located an open bottle of shampoo with its foul smelling content currently seeping out onto the wet floor. He picked up the bottle and threw it into the furthermost corner of the bathroom. How had it gotten there anyway? He picked up another bottle (without any specific smell besides whatever chemical substances were used for making one’s hair clean) and pored some into his hand.

The lather soon fell in big chunks on the floor and was eaten up by the water, gushing down the drain.

Sasuke let the water wash away all the shampoo before turning it off. He grabbed a towel from the rack by the shower. He left the dirty clothes on the floor, hoping someone would find them before he got back. Not at all implausible since the maids they had were freakishly efficient when it came to finding dirty laundry. He wrapped the towel around his waist and exited the bathroom.

If anyone would have been standing just outside they’d been experiencing the dramatic effects of Sasuke stepping out and masses upon masses of steam rolling out behind him, a result of showering with very hot water. Added to the drama was the fact that the lights in the hallway were extremely dimmed while the lights in the bathroom were bright as bright can be, creating an angel-descending-from-the-heavens-like illusion. If only Sasuke had had wings that is.

He blinked a few times adjusting to the darkness of the hallway before he noted that actually, that `anyone´ happened to be standing right outside the bathroom door.

“Oh!” and a shocked face was all Sasuke managed to do as an equally shocked face was presented to him.

“Oh, eh, sup?” was what the brown haired boy known as Shikamaru said as the last streaks of steam evaporated along with the illusion.

Sasuke blinked again and grabbed his towel just to make sure it wouldn’t just drop to the floor. “What are you doing here?” he asked, embarrassment evident in his voice while Shikamaru turned his head away, a faint red colour adorning his cheeks.

Shikamaru coughed in a strained way and stuttered out: “S-Someone had to…to check if you were a-alright. You know.”

“Right,” Sasuke said and let go of his towel in order to cross his arms over his chest. Neither boy said a word for a while until Shikamaru cleared his throat, as if remembering where he was and what he was doing.

“You know, you might wanna get dressed… or whatever…”

“Oh, yeah.” Sasuke said and hurriedly sneaked past Shikamaru into his room and threw on the first thing he could find. Shikamaru then joined him, dropping his bag on the floor and slouching in the chair by the computer. “So, are you going to school today?” he asked while lazily gazing up at the ceiling, totally forgetting the tense moment before.

Sasuke shrugged, looking out the window. “I suppose.”

“You know, I haven’t been here for ages.” Shikamaru brought his hands behind his head and began tapping his foot on the floor.

“Hn,” Sasuke replied, having stopped moving around and instead picking up randomly scattered books and putting them in his bag.

“I think our principal tried to call, but…”

“Oh,” Sasuke stopped in his search, looking slightly apologetically at Shikamaru, “Father usually doesn’t have a good temper in the mornings.”

“Ah, I see,” Shikamaru replied and smiled, still looking at the ceiling.

Sasuke finished and picked up a pair of glasses from a drawer. They were dark green and had a thin silver line running along the frame. Sasuke quickly looked at himself in the mirror noticing how ugly they were. He frowned and turned around, facing his guest, “Should we get going then?”

Shikamaru stood up and gave Sasuke a curious look, “You still have those?” He gave a nod at the spectacles, “I thought you’d thrown them out the window. When was the last time you used them?”

Sasuke glared at him before putting them on, “Probably two years, how so?”

“Just thinking.” Shikamaru snickered silently.

“What?” Sasuke barked out and glared harder. “I know they’re not the most fashion forward thing in the history of time, but do I look stupid or something?”

“Why don’t you just use your lenses instead? Aren’t they easier?”

“I just couldn’t bother with them now, shut up.”

“Whatever you say.” Shikamaru still snickered as they put on their jackets and shoes and made their way to school.

And, believe it or not, they made it to math just in time, which surprised Sasuke more than it consoled him for the lost biology lesson since the walk had been all but Speedy Gonzales.

But this small observation was soon wiped out of Sasuke’s thoughts as the math teacher suddenly decided to appear in front of the currently inattentive boy (due to thoughts of rear ends, mostly), his only visible eye twinkling with mirth. His other eye along with the lower parts of his face being hidden behind what appeared to be a home-made mask made out of a horribly disgusting brown nylon put together by some poorly done stitching. Come to think of it, the teacher’s hair had as of late grown to a shrubbery-like state with the grayish hair sticking out in whatever direction. Sasuke vaguely reminisced a time when the mask had been a naval blue stitched together with a clean looking white thread, looking quite cool and retro despite the fact that it was a facial mask worn by a grown man, not only during Halloween, but every single day. His hair had been nicely combed and he actually could have looked nice and proper… if you squinted.

“Hello there Sasuke,” the teacher said and raised his arm to lean his elbow on the wall. He then leaned his head in his hand and started drumming his fingers on his cheek, “I heard of `the accident´.” He said the last two words slowly while doing quotation marks with his free hand.

“Morning Kakashi,” Shikamaru said while walking past Sasuke and the teacher. Sasuke briefly glanced at Shikamaru before yet again directing his vision at his teacher.

“The accident?”

“Yes, `the accident´” Kakashi said again with the quotation marks and blinked his eye in a not-so-subtle manner, “the one with you and Naruto.” He tossed his head backwards hastily all the while looking like he knew something he could and would expose were the right circumstances to present themselves.

Fucking blackmail! Sasuke thought furiously, glaring at his teacher and totally missing the pouty lips belonging to a tall boy sitting behind Kakashi mouthing `I’ll kill you´ at him.

“So,” Kakashi continued, looking utterly pleased with himself, “care to tell me any details?”

Sasuke snorted. “There’s nothing to tell, and don’t you think it’s unprofessional to gossip with your own students?”

Kakashi seemed to ponder this for a while before answering: “No” and turning around towards the rest of the class.

Right about then Sasuke did notice the pouty lips, now mouthing `You’re dead meat´ at him. He blinked a few times, not sure if he understood his classmate’s… threat? so he raised an eyebrow and mouthed `what?´

The boy with the pouty lips sitting by the window smiled inconspicuously and lifted his right hand. He dragged his index finger over his throat and then pointed at Sasuke mouthing `I have a chainsaw´. Or at least that’s what Sasuke thought he meant.

The boy with the pouty lips, who Sasuke indentified as a boy named Sai, just kept on smiling while Sasuke just felt confused; he had always known Sai was an odd character, but giving death threats like that? Wasn’t that low even for him? Did the boy have no limits?

“Sasuke, please,” Kakashi said and motioned for him to sit, “You’re not planning on standing there the whole lesson, are you?”

Sasuke snapped out of his stupor and began looking for a place to sit. He noticed Naruto sitting in the very back, looking out the window. Sasuke briefly wondered if they were pals now. After all, having shared the intimacy of naked lying molded to each other on the floor and then comparing arm muscles must count for something, right?

And so, with those thoughts in the back of his mind, Sasuke walked up to Naruto with new confidence and determined steps and asked in a friendly tone “Hello, may I sit here?”

--

(1) Smuts means dirt in swedish. :) Just 'cause I felt like it.

Tell me what you think. If you feel like it that is.