A Stack of Letters

SasuNeji FTW

2


xxxxx

He had woken up a little later than intended as he had pulled another late night at work. It was annoying because he had to rush and it was difficult to do so when one had hair as long as his.

I really, really need to have a few inches taken off…

So his hair was still damp when his neighbor finally rang on his doorbell. Letting out a light curse – he detested being late or making people wait for him – he pulled on a casual beige shirt, shucked on some faded jeans and opened the door. A dark eyebrow raised and the Hyuuga grimaced, knowing that he had damp hair all over him.

“I woke up late.” He muttered and motioned for the other man to enter. Neji’s apartment was very plain, a nice but simple living room set, small dining room table, a few pictures, very clean looking. “There’s bottled water in the refrigerator and I think there’s a few beers from when I had some friends over last if you’re into that, I personally detest the taste of beer.” He began to rake his fingers through his hair, annoyed with how late he was going to make them because of this.

Silver eyes slid over to the couch where his guest was sitting and was taken aback by the look on the man’s face. He was definitely focused on him and what he was doing with his hair and the gaze was...heated. Feeling a little strange and slightly uncomfortable he went back into his bedroom and grabbed his blow dryer. It’d still take a while and he’d end up leaving with his hair still somewhat damp but it was better than nothing.

Once again he felt eyes on him as he was drying his hair. When he turned to the doorway Uchiha was leaning against his doorframe, arms crossed with a blank expression on his face. His eyes, however, were definitely on him. Heat crept up to his face and he turned around once more, feeling very out of sorts again. At this point, the conclusion was definitely that he was either gay or bi, there was no mistaking it. His mind also went back to a few days ago when Uchiha had kissed him.

It had been at least five or six years since Neji had last been involved with someone and that had not gone very well. Since then he has avoided the dating scene and has been pretty content with looking and not touching. He didn’t go out, he didn’t try to hit on other guys, he just looked if he saw something interesting and kept walking. It was very, very hard to do that when it was painfully obvious that the other person was interested. Very interested. If he was honest with himself, the biggest reason he had not dated anyone had been because of his last relationship and how he had felt after everything had been said and done. It didn’t help that the guy worked for his family’s company now. Neji made it a point not to go down to the sales department if he didn’t have to.

Abruptly he turned off the blow dryer, frowning at the memory. He hated it that it still bothered him even to this day. Putting the dryer down he pulled his hair back, tying the ends. His hair was still quite damp but he needed to get out and distract himself from his thoughts. Turning he noticed that Uchiha had not moved but when he took in Neji’s expression he looked slightly concerned.

“You alright?” standing up straight he moved out of the way when the Hyuuga left his room and headed towards the door.

“I’m fine.” He said curtly “Was there any place in particular you wished to see first? The mall or something similar…”

“I don’t really care.” When pale silver eyes slid over to him he shrugged “We can do whatever. I only asked because I wanted to spend time with you.”

Well, that was awfully forward. It caught him off guard and so he blinked at the dark haired male for a moment before responding “Why?” it was a rather lame question but it was all he had at the moment.

Something strange came over his guest’s face “You really don’t remember me, do you?” the voice sounded guarded and all thoughts of his ex-boyfriend disappeared. Had he…sounded hurt?

“I…” Neji sighed “You look very familiar to me but I have been unable to place it. I am sorry, I don’t want to offend you but that is the truth.”

A small shrug “I’m not offended.” Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a picture and handed it to him “This was what I had wanted to show you the other day.”

It was faded but he could clearly see himself as a child in the picture. He was around ten and dirty as hell from something or another, but grinning. Beside him was a dark haired boy, equally dirty with a matching grin. They had their arms around each other and both were holding up peace signs. The boy, who he now remembered as ‘Sasu’, was the spitting image of…

“Sasu?” he couldn’t believe it, this was that boy from all those years ago? Well, sixteen years could do a lot for a person, he supposed.

“If it hadn’t been for your eyes, I wouldn’t have known it was you.” ‘Sasu’ said, his expression blank but his eyes seemed warm and nostalgic “It’s really hard to forget eyes like yours.”

“I am…” he looked down at the picture again, stunned. This really was his childhood friend, the boy he had called best friend from the age of five until eleven when his friend had moved away. “I am shocked but…” he gave his friend a small smile “it is good to see you again, even if it has been almost sixteen years. I am not entirely sure of what to say, there are…” so many things, sixteen years worth. Of course now that he remembered him the feelings were completely different. ‘Sasu’ had been the first boy that he had realized he’d held feelings for all those years ago. It had faded into a pleasant memory but he had still remembered their awkward ‘goodbye’. Seeing the man standing in front of him the Hyuuga began to feel a little out of sorts. Even though they haven’t seen each other in so long, the memories and feelings of childhood were there and he wasn’t entirely sure of how to act. Did he remember? Did he care? Obviously he wasn’t angry about it otherwise he wouldn’t be standing in front of him.

The Hyuuga felt the presence of his friend draw closer to him. “Do you remember the day I left?” he was close, very close, to the point where Neji could not avoid looking into his eyes.

“Yes.” How could he forget? “We were both very sad.”

Something warm rested on his waist and the Hyuuga looked down in surprise at Uchiha’s hand. Slightly confused, he looked back up and a hand moved along his cheek and into his damp hair. He was pulled into the other male, dark eyes intense but unreadable.

“When I realized it was you,” his voice was very low “all those feelings I had when we had been kids came back and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since.”

Heart pounding, he let out a small breath “Sasu, you do realize that I’m –“

“Gay?” he rose an eyebrow “Yeah, I realized that pretty early on, you don’t flaunt it but you don’t hide it either.” He smirked “I saw you checking me out that first day. You were really discreet about it, I’ll give you that.”

Embarrassed, Neji decided to look over at the far wall “Yes, well…” he really didn’t have anything to say so he just stood there, feeling very embarrassed at having been caught and it being pointed out to him so bluntly.

There was silence for a moment and then he felt his head being turned to face his friend once more. When he tilted his head slightly to kiss him Neji tensed. Surprised, he gave his friend a look. “What?”

Uncomfortable, he tried to turn away but Sasuke wouldn’t let him “We are…not ten years old anymore.”

“…I understand that.” It sounded as if he clearly didn’t understand what Neji’s point was.

“I am also fairly convinced that you are, in fact, not gay.”

“No, I’m not.” There was a shrug “I dated a few girls over the years but that’s about it and I’ve never dated a guy.” Another shrug “Does that matter?”

Yes, actually it does matter. “I am…very uncomfortable with this.”

Immediately, the Uchiha backed off, once more his face unreadable. There’s some confusion in his eyes, as if he’s trying to figure out why exactly his friend is pushing him away. There was a small sigh
“Sorry. I just –“

You just thought that because I am gay and you had a crush when you were a kid that it’d be fun to try and experiment. I’ve already been through that thankyouverymuch. I do not wish a repeat performance.

Something in his face must have given away his thoughts because Sasuke suddenly frowned. He took two steps and then pushed Neji, startling the other male who was now looking at him as if he had lost his mind.

“What the hell are you looking so pissed off about?” came the demand and Neji, irritated now, walked back over and pushed him back.

“I do not owe you an explanation.” Really, where did this guy get off pushing him?

No, wait, this is familiar.

Sasuke pushed him back “I think you do, considering that I’m pretty damn sure it was over something I said.”

Now he remembered. Whenever the two of them had held their little arguments, which had been more often than not, the two of them would push each other around until eventually they began fighting. Sasu’s mother had often had to break the two boys up.

So he jumped him.

Completely thrown off guard the two men tumbled to the ground, wrestling. “I…” Neji growled at the other male “am not…”

Then his back slammed on his hardwood floor and he realized that Sasu must have been keeping up with his martial arts because it was no easy feat to pin him down. He was straddling him, as had been standard when they had been kids and no one else had been around to stop them. Dark eyes hovered over white and narrowed.

“I’m not getting up until you tell me what the hell you were thinking just now.”

“Uchiha, I do not think I need to explain myself, you already have an idea otherwise you would not be going through such lengths.”

There was a long moment of silence, Neji wasn’t looking at him, he was irritated and he didn’t want to deal with something like this, not from his childhood friend.

“You really think I would screw you over like that?” he actually sounded offended and then sighed. “Fine, it has been sixteen years after all, right? Whatever.” He stood up, putting a hand through his hair “Look, I don’t know how it was for you back then but I had actually liked you. Do you honestly think I didn’t know what a kiss meant? I had caught my brother with his girlfriend, I knew why he was doing it.”

Sitting up, the Hyuuga blinked owlishly at him “What?” had he heard that right “I do not…but you said that you have never dated –“

“No, I’ve never dated a guy, that’s true.” A sigh as he realizes that he’s going to have to break this down “Okay, so as a kid I realize that I like my best friend. A lot. We move away but it’s not like I forgot about it or how I felt. Dating another guy seemed weird to me because I’d think about that day and then it wouldn’t feel right. Eventually the memory kinda fades into the background but it’s still there. Sixteen years later I see you and all of those feelings came back. That’s the best way I can describe it. I’m not trying to dick you around for whatever reason you got stuck in your head.”

It was believable, mostly because he felt the same way. Once he had known that this person was ‘Sasu’ all of those feelings from back then had returned. Nonetheless, the guy really wasn’t into other men and he didn’t want to deal with it when he finally realized that he wasn’t gay after all. Or whatever.

There was a frown and then his expression turned stoic “Neji, who was it?”

A few blinks “Excuse me?”

“Who was the guy that you dated who ended up dropping you because he was straight?”

What the hell? Was the guy psychic or something? No, looking at him he realized that Sasuke was simply reading his facial expressions and putting two and two together. Those dark eyes hadn’t left his face for a second.

“He had been…someone I had considered a good friend at the time.” Standing up he straightened out his shirt “He had claimed that he ‘thought’ he was gay because he had a crush on me. After three times ‘experimenting’ he realized he was straight after all and yes, I had actually liked him.”

His friend was thoughtful for a moment “Fine. I’m pretty much convinced that I could tell you over and over that I’m not doing this for shits and giggles and you’ll still have doubts. So we’re going out.” He began to walk to the door. Confused, Neji followed.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we are going to go out, like we had planned.” Turning, he gave Neji a look “I’ll say this, I moved back here for personal reasons but I also came back because I had a feeling my best friend was still living here and I wanted to get back up with him. So let’s go.”

xxxxx

“Start talking.” The Uchiha said, stabbing his fork into one of the cherry tomatoes in his salad “Or would you rather I go first?”

They were out downtown at a rather fancy Mediterranean restaurant and Sasuke had taken full advantage of the salad bar for his plate had very little on it besides tomatoes. Since Neji liked cucumbers he really couldn’t complain, he had quite a bit in his as well.

“So anyway,” his friend began, not waiting for him to speak up “we moved away because I guess your uncle and my father really got into it and he had our company’s headquarters moved to practically the other side of Japan.” He looked slightly irritated by that “Just so you know, I did actually write you like I had promised you I would, the letters just never got to you. About a year ago I found the entire stack of letters I had written hidden in my father’s office. Let’s just say I hadn’t been too pleased about that. After two years of writing I had thought that you hadn’t wanted anything to do with me because I never got anything back.”

So he had written him like he had promised. When Neji never received a letter he had been rather sad about it but had eventually forced himself to move on. Learning that made him a little upset; what would have happened between them if they had been able to keep in touch?

He wrote to me for two years before giving up… the Hyuuga had to admit he was surprised and touched. The two boys really had been very close and apparently, they had both liked each other as well. The thought was pleasant and Neji began to feel a little more relaxed as he drifted down memory lane.

“I am sorry, if I had been able to write you I –“

A hand rose dismissively and Sasuke shook his head “Even if you had been able to, my father would have intercepted it. He didn’t want us to have anything to do with the Hyuuga family. Anyway, I went through middle school and high school holding an extreme dislike for females because they never left me the hell alone. My irritation made me anti-social which, apparently, only makes the girls like you even more.” He looked quite disgruntled about this, obviously remembering the pain and annoyance of those days.

Laughing, Neji nodded “Do not feel too bad, I went through the same thing. I think a lot of it had to do with the hair. I suppose guys with long hair had been in season or something. I didn’t really have any guy friends because of it and I won’t even tell you how many times I was mistaken for a female or called effeminate.” He sighed “It is very difficult to tell others that all Hyuuga have long hair and that it is a traditional thing. Hinata was the only one who had sported a rather short haircut when she was younger and she is the only one I can remember doing such a thing.”

“You know,” Sasuke frowned in thought “I thought she had looked familiar. She was the one that cried all the time right?”

Neji’s smile was sympathetic for his cousin “Yes, she was an extremely timid girl surrounded by gruff, unemotional men. I’m surprised she’s even attracted to the male species considering. She has come a long way, however, she does not stutter as often and when she wants she can be rather stubborn.”

“She’s cute in an innocent Lolita sort of way.” The Uchiha smirked “So who is she getting married to?”

“The president of Suna Industrials.”

“That Sabaku guy?” leaning back Sasuke looked impressed “When I was still working for my father’s company I met him a few times; I thought I was good at being stoic, this guy could have been a mannequin he had been so stiff and unmoving. Arranged marriage?”

Taking a drink of water, Neji shook his head “No. They’ve actually been together for the past few years now. Hinata and I met Sabaku at a formal dinner. It had been Hinata’s first time really attending one since she had turned thirteen and our family does that whole tradition thing for bringing their children into the corporate world. In any case, the two became rather good friends and then around Hinata’s second or third year in high school he finally asked her to be his girlfriend and they’ve been together ever since. The only reason I know the man can smile and look happy is because of Hinata. Around her he’s a completely different person, it was rather off-putting to see it at first.”

“Hn.” He sighed and sat up straight again and continued where he had left off “I got into computers when I was fifteen and decided to make a career out of it. So I have a degree in computer science with my minor in business administration because I had absolutely no intentions of taking over the company but I had to appease my father somehow. My brother Itachi disappeared when I was twelve and I didn’t learn it until later that it was because he and my father had had it out. He kept in contact with me, that was it.”

“I believe I vaguely remember your brother…he was not around much was he?”

“No.” he picked up his club sandwich and took a bite “It was complicated; basically my brother had run off when my father had set him up in an arranged marriage. He came back here and eventually married his girlfriend. They have like two kids or something and since his wife was into baking they opened a bakery which he swears does amazing. I haven’t gone to see him yet and I haven’t actually seen him since he left.”

“Oh,” he could do very little but blink a few times in surprise “That is…” a thoughtful frown emerged “So why are you here working for my uncle’s company?”

His expression darkened “A few reasons. One reason was the stack of letters I had found and then some other things that didn’t directly involve me so I can’t really say. I figured my father would appreciate the irony of me working here.” Dark eyes shifted to meet silver “I also was hoping that I’d see you there but I didn’t know for sure or not because honestly, sixteen years really is a long time and anything could have happened.”

He really, really wanted to fight down the blush that was creeping up but he couldn’t. Just like when they had been children Sasu was incredibly up front and forward about his feelings and things he wanted. It really was making it very difficult to keep his distance from him, especially because it was him and those childhood feelings had been strong. It didn’t help that he kept saying that he had, basically, come back to see him again. What did that mean? Did it mean that he really was serious about the two of them?

“So what about you?”

The question brought Neji out of his thoughts but when he looked at his friend there was a very, very strange look on the man’s face. Before he could determine what it could be it was gone. Mentally, he shook his head; he really needed to get a grip on his emotions.

“Well, after you left I also had my own experience with the ‘fan-girls’ in middle school and high school. I also became rather reclusive socially but that was for two reasons. One, I was very serious about my studies, I was even on the student council. Second, there had been a girl in my school around my eighth grade year and somehow word had gotten out that she liked other girls. She had been harassed so badly she transferred that year. I didn’t want to go through that so I kept people away from me.”

Confusion graced Sasuke’s features “You said middle school? When did you realize…” he frowned thoughtfully “Was it because of that day?”

Since he knew what the Uchiha was asking he nodded “It took me about a year to realize that I didn’t miss you just because you had been my best friend. I had always felt rather neutral towards women and I was not attracted to every ‘cute boy’ I saw but I knew I was attracted to men nonetheless. I didn’t actually do anything romantically until I had started college.” He decided he wasn’t going to rehash his failed relationships “I was twenty and still in college when I told my father…he still thinks I’m going through a ‘phase’. I’ve all but stopped caring about what he thinks at this point. I wanted to do something intellectually stimulating so when I learned about the engineering profession and how one needed a heavy understanding of mathematics I jumped on it. My degree is in electronic engineering and when my guidance counselors suggested I minor in mathematics I did. After I graduated I was sent to the engineering department and became its head by the end of my first year.”

“Nice.” He sounded impressed “Well, you always were smart, I remember that much.” Neji blushed at the compliment but said little else.

After their lunch Neji had taken his friend around to some of the places they had frequented as children. Their last stop was at a park and it was late afternoon by then.

They didn’t say much, idle chat here and there but mostly there was comfortable silence between them. It wasn’t until the two had passed by a certain play area that the Uchiha reacted. Smiling a bit, he walked over towards the spot they had played at whenever Sasu’s mother would bring them here.

“I can’t believe this still exists.” The raven haired male put a hand on the somewhat rusted slide, taking in the dried up and faded paint job on everything.

Coming here again after so long was actually really nice; Neji felt a sense of calm and a bit of nostalgia over it all. They had played here a lot and had many of their fights here as well. As a child the Uchiha had been a rather demanding boy, he had always gotten mad at Neji if the other boy hadn’t let him have his way. The fights had always started because of Sasu’s temper and his mother would break them up. She’d give them a solid scolding, making them feel bad.

A sudden memory came to him “Hey, Sasu,” Neji started walking towards the slide “do you remember when we first became friends and you twisted your ankle in the woods near my house?”

There was a moment of silence before he turned to Neji, an amused expression on his face “Yeah, you carried me all the way on your back and I had cried until I had fallen asleep.” He frowned “I was kind of a crybaby at five.” He didn’t look too pleased about that. “I remember, you didn’t say anything the entire time, you didn’t pick on me or yell at me. I think that was when I started considering you as my best friend.”

Giving his friend a small smile he turned to look out over the park. As a child this place had seemed so massive, as an adult…

With a strangled yelp the Hyuuga jumped away from his friend, pulling his shirt back down “What…what the hell?” For some reason his childhood friend had been trying to pull his shirt up and that had just felt…a lot of things, some he really didn’t think he should entertain.

Just as when they had been children Sasu gave him an annoyed ‘why aren’t you letting me do what I want’ expression and reached out for Neji’s shirt again “Come here, I want to see if you still…” he cut off as he tried to jump his friend and failed. “Will you hold still? It’s not like there’s anyone around…”

Pale eyes gave dark ones a horrified look “Why are you trying to strip me in the middle of the park?” he kept backing away but Sasuke was still rather fast and soon the two were somewhat wrestling, one trying to keep their shirt down, the other trying to pull it up.

“Neji!” he sounded exasperated “I’m not trying to rape you for crying out loud, I want to see if you still have that scar on your…” he grabbed his friend with one arm “back from…that time…hold still damnit!”

The Hyuuga suddenly stopped struggling “You mean that scar from when you pushed me and I ended up scraping on that rusted –“

“Yeah.” He sounded distracted as he lifted Neji’s shirt just enough to see the long jagged scar across the middle of his back “I felt so bad when they had to take you to the hospital.” Fingers brushed along the white mark but then paused as his friend stiffened. Realizing he had probably made him uncomfortable again he backed away “Sorry.”

He straightened his shirt “It’s fine.” He said but was not looking at his friend. It had been five years since he’d felt fingers along his skin and it had been a little disarming. “And yes, I remember that day. I think after that you did not touch me for a least a month but you did visit every day.”

A few steps and then he was standing in front of the white-eyed man, an unreadable expression on his face “Yeah, I had been too scared that I’d accidently hurt you again but I had also been scared that you were going to hate me which was why I had all but lived in your house until you recovered.”

The two men were roughly the same height making it hard for the Hyuuga to look down so he looked away, a pensive expression on his face. He didn’t push his friend away but he didn’t welcome him either. The older male didn’t know if he should be frustrated, sad or happy. It felt really good to know that Sasu had shared the same feelings as he when they had been children but things changed. People changed. Sure, the guy might have a crush now but what about when the initial shock and happy surprise went away? It did not help that those feelings from the past were growing stronger the more he was around the dark-eyed man. He was beginning to actually really like Sasu all over again and he didn’t want that, he really didn’t.

When he felt fingers brush along his hand the Hyuuga closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly. Five years. He had been doing so well for five years and now there was this, one of the most horrible things that could have happened. If things went south, which he was sure would happen; those fond, happy memories of the past would become tainted and they were the only real happy memories he has since he realized he was not attracted to women. Warmth enveloped his hand as his friend took it in his. Frowning, he opened his eyes and looked into dark grey eyes that looked just as serious as his.

“Sasu –“

“Neji.” He cut the other man off. Now he was frowning, raising his free hand to brush along his cheek and into his hair “I’ll say this. I told you a year ago I found that stack of letters. Up until then I had thought that you had forgotten about me which had made me feel hurt and upset. I find out that wasn’t true at all, so a year later I’m here, working for Hyuuga all with the slight hope that I’d see you again. I had no idea how I was going to feel but I had to see you again, if for nothing else than to tell you what happened and maybe become friends again.” Tugging on his hand he pulls the other male close “Then I see you and it’s like I had only seen you just yesterday as opposed to sixteen years. I don’t know if you remember all of what I said back then but I realized that I still feel that way.” He shook his head slightly “I don’t know who fucked you over and I know you think I’m straight but in reality I’ve never cared about gender. I haven’t been with another guy and that makes you wary, I really do understand. Call me sentimental or whatever but the reason I never did was because it felt like I’d be betraying that memory, it had nothing to do with sexual preference.”

There was silence as he let his words sink in. Neji wasn’t entirely sure what to think about all of this; basically his friend was saying that he had never dated men because of he had still held feelings for his childhood friend. He didn’t doubt that was one of the reasons, if not the main reason, Sasu returned was because he had wanted to find his long lost friend.

You’re only acting so hesitant because you’re still hurt from that one time.

“What do you want, Sasu?” he finally asked, keeping his expression fairly neutral.

The Uchiha raked a hand through his hair for a moment “I’m not really sure, I’ve been kind of acting on instinct. I know that I still feel the same that I did back then and I want to be in your life even if it’s just as your best friend…I’m not going to lie though, the years were kind to you.” The pale eyed man smirked at that before it turned slightly pained. With a sigh he put a hand through his friend’s hair, closing the distance.

“Don’t…don’t make me regret this, Sasu.” He said and kissed him.