Muse

Forgive mah fail. Apparently I had saved the second formatting of A Stack of Letters under Muse. Tis fixed.

2
xxxxx

There was no way he could do this, he was going to make an absolute ass of himself and he knew it. He should have called Anko and told her to cancel; he should have told her he was sick or some similar lie.

What I should really do is grow a pair. He thought darkly This is absurd, I’m twenty years old, I’ve had countless girlfriends and I’m afraid to approach a girl?

But she wasn’t just any girl and he knew that. She was the girl, the only girl he had ever truly liked…or perhaps even loved. All of his girlfriends had either been set up by his parents or he had only really asked them out because they had been a pretty face. Once again he put a hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head nervously.

At the moment he was standing outside a rather popular bistro where he was supposed to meet her. Of course, because he was an idiot and a coward he had yet to walk through the door. If he didn’t go in within the next five minutes he would be late.

His phone began to buzz and it was his agent on the line.

“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded “Why are you just standing out there?”

Alarmed and curious, he began to look around the area. “You’re watching me?” he wasn’t sure if he should be disturbed by that or not.

“Of course I am!” she sounded exasperated “I had a feeling you’d do this. Alright Gaara, if you don’t walk in there in the next five seconds I will drag you inside. By your hair.”

Flipping his phone closed he grimaced and forced himself to walk inside, Anko never made idle threats. The bistro was slightly upscale without being too terribly expensive and was one that he came to every now and then. Since it was still a little cool he was wearing a long sleeved burgundy turtleneck shirt and dark jeans. He seriously contemplated walking out until a hostess walked up to him.

“Good afternoon, welcome to Midori’s Bistro. Is it just one?” she asked, flashing him a genuine smile as she looked him over with interest. She was somewhat attractive but in comparison to Hinata…

“I’m meeting someone, a Hyuuga Hinata?”

“Oh!” she looked slightly disappointed “Yes, right this way please.”

His heart had decided to lodge itself in his throat and he felt extremely nervous as they rounded a corner. He saw her then; she was sitting in one of the booths looking at the menu. She hadn’t spotted him yet. Her long hair was braided from her shoulder blades down, said braid resting over one shoulder. She was wearing a pastel purple blouse that looked rather nice on her and a white floral skirt that seemed to stop just above the knee.

The redhead wanted to just turn around and leave, she was so beautiful and he was so awkward around her. Right as they neared the booth she lifted her head and their eyes met once more. A soft smile emerged on unpainted lips and he found his throat closing up and his heart pounding in his chest.

“Here you are sir!” the hostess said cheerfully, completely oblivious to his discomfort “Your waiter will be by soon to take your drink orders.” And with that she walked away, leaving him standing there, staring at this woman.

After a long moment she blinked and then gave him an understanding smile, catching him off guard “Um, would you like to sit?” she asked and he could feel the heat rising in his face. He was being silly and he knew it. With a small mental sigh he sat down and focused his gaze on his menu although he wasn’t actually reading it at all.

It was quiet for a moment and he realized that he was being extremely rude. He hadn’t even introduced himself or even given her a greeting. At the rate he was going he would never be able to truly be around her or get to know her.

“Gaara-san?” she asked and his gaze flickered up to her face automatically. She didn’t look upset or offended, although there was a bit of worry there. “It’s…it’s okay to be nervous…” she gave him a soft, demure smile and looked shyly down at her menu “I’m a little nervous too.”

“I’m…” looking down at his menu he sighed “I’m sorry for being so rude.” The fact that he had actually opened his mouth and words had formed was nothing short of a miracle to him. It did help not actually looking at her. “I’m, um, I’m usually not like this.” His voice was soft and low “I’m sure I’ve been making you feel awkward.”

Before she could respond their waiter arrived. He smiled politely “Hello, my name is Ken and I’ll be serving you today. Would drink would you like to start off with?”

“I’ll have some guava juice.” Hinata said, giving him a small smile.

“Water.” The redhead said flatly, still looking at his menu.

“Well…” she began when the waiter left to get their drinks “I, um, thought a-at first that maybe you um, didn’t l-like me but –“

His head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise “No, not at all. I’m just…” he looked down again.

“Shy?” she offered and when he nodded mutely she giggled.

Even her laugh is beautiful. He thought and found himself once again looking up at her, a small smile drifting along his normally stoic features. Slowly he could feel the tension within loosening. Oh, he still felt highly awkward talking to her but he was becoming more comfortable in doing so.

They placed their orders once their drinks had arrived and she initiated the conversation first “Um, your agent told me that you’re an artist and composer. She said that you are really good.”

That’s one way of putting it. “Yes,” he found himself unable to look at her for long “I’ve been fascinated with art and music for as long as I can remember.” I want to paint her. Not from memory…I want to actually paint her while she’s in the room, looking at her now my paintings of her have not done her justice.

“That sounds really amazing,” there was an honest bit of awe in her voice “S-so that’s what you do for a living? You paint and compose songs?”

“For the most part, yes.” It was becoming increasingly easy to speak to her as long as he didn’t look at her. “Most of…most of my songs are played by me on the piano for concerts –“

There was a small gasp “Y-you’ve been in concerts?” she sounded very impressed and he could feel his ears burning.

“I…ah, well…” there went his ability to properly speak in front of her. “Yes. Yes I’ve…I’ve been in concerts. It’s n-not much really…” which was a lie but he really didn’t feel like telling her everything about his career. He had a good one; he was relatively famous in the art and music community but telling her that he was considered a genius in those fields seemed like bragging. He didn’t want to show off, not with her.

“I can play the piano a little,” came the small confession and when he forced himself to glance up at her she was looking away, her pale skin tinted with pink along her cheeks. Once again he found himself staring; it was just too difficult to look away at someone so beautiful. “But I’m a…I write books.” There was a hint of sadness in her voice which made him break out of his trance.

“You are a novelist?” she nodded and he smiled slightly “I’ve tried writing before, I was horrible at it.” There went one of those beautiful laughs of hers and he found himself feeling a little more lighthearted. She wasn’t averse to his presence; she seemed to enjoy his company even though he had been being so awkward. “And also, contrary to popular belief I, ah, I’m a horrible singer as well. I tried it once…I don’t think I’ll do so ever again.”

She put a hand in front of her mouth to hide her smile “I used to sing a little in high school, I mostly like singing when I’m alone or,” another giggle “in the shower. Just like in the movies and commercials.”

I…I really didn’t need that mental image. The moment she mentioned her singing in the shower some rather interesting images popped up in his mind that had nothing to do with painting and everything to do with…

“I would…” why was he so awkward? “I’d like to…hear your voice…and perhaps read some of your work. I-I’m sure you’re a wonderful writer.”

Their food arrived right as her face turned a bright red and he felt his smile widening. She was not only beautiful, she was also rather cute. Hinata held a cute innocence about her that he really liked.

I really want to paint you.

“Th-that would…that would be nice.” Biting her lip her gaze shifted to her food and she poked at her salad a bit with her fork. “I w-would really like t-to see your paintings. Or maybe listen t-to one of your songs. Do you have any CD’s?”

You have no idea. “My studio isn’t that far, if you’d like, I could show you.” The words came out of his mouth before his brain had a chance to process the fact that he had just made a serious move. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise and he mentally berated himself. This was just supposed to have been a lunch, something simple. He was pushing it when just thirty minutes ago he had been seconds away from bolting. He needed to stop bouncing around extremes.

If possible, her face burned even brighter. “I…would it really be okay?”

Did she just ask what I think she asked? “Yes…yes it’s fine. I would be…” he mentally frowned at himself. He was such an idiot when it came to talking to her “I’d be more than happy to, if it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I know we’ve just met and all…although there was that dinner eight years ago.” He said the last bit a little low.

Her face lit up and she gave him a bright smile “You do remember!” she sounded quite pleased “I didn’t know i-if you did but…I remembered you. That day at the diner, I saw your hair and I just knew…”

Gaara was struck speechless. He wondered for a moment, just a moment, if perhaps she had felt the same way he had that night. Maybe not love, but an attraction. The redhead had felt drawn to her then and he felt drawn to her now. He had no idea what he’d do or say if the feeling was mutual but a large part of him hoped. After eight years would he finally be able to become a presence in her life? Would he finally be able to do more than just look at her like some love struck fool?

“I could…never forget someone as beautiful as you.” Once again his mouth had decided not to converse with his brain and he said something absolutely outlandish to her. He wasn’t doing anything correctly; first they were just supposed to get to know each other, then maybe if they met up again and he warmed up to her he was supposed to have invited her to look at his work. Gaara felt as if he was moving too fast and he was afraid of coming off as being pushy.

Hinata didn’t answer but the look on her face spoke volumes. She had liked his compliment, which made his heart skip a beat, and once again she was back to her shy expression. He smiled slightly; it seemed that they were both awkward around each other. Slowly, ever so slowly he was beginning to relax more and more.

His studio was only a block away and his apartment was across the street although he wasn’t about to tell her that. It was on the second floor of a rather large building, almost like an apartment complex in and of itself.
It was in a somewhat organized mess with cloth in random places on the ground and papers in piles on some small tables.

Blank canvases were lined up against the far side of the wall, all different sizes. There were quite a few paintings that were covered with a thin cloth. There was one painting in progress on the stand, a rather gothic looking hallway with a half painted woman in the center. Her body was turned to face forward, a long black and red dress flowing with her movement. It was only half finished and the woman held no real physical features besides the dress and how her hands were to be positioned, as if she was startled by something. With the dark background it was haunting and beautiful. He wasn’t going to tell her that the woman in the painting was, in his mind, her. She wouldn’t look like her, he really didn’t want her thinking of him as some sort of weird stalker, but he would know and that was all that mattered. He had about five paintings he had completed over the past few days and he went over to gently remove the thin cloth from them.

“Hyuuga-san I –“ he raised his head to glance at her but paused when he realized that she was staring very intently at his unfinished picture, a delicate hand at her mouth, eyes widened slightly. Once again he could feel heat rising in his face as she continued to stare as if she were looking at the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on. He didn’t even think she had heard him.

Walking over to her, he stood slightly behind, resisting the urge to put his hands on her shoulders. She’s so beautiful… “You’re um, the first person to see this.” He tells her “It’s going to be at my next exhibition…” he slides his fingers through the back of his head “So I suppose you’re getting a sn –“

“Gaara-san,” she cut off, her gaze not shifting “this painting is…really beautiful.” Her soft voice sounded absolutely enamored with what she was looking at and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

“Do you want it?”

Now he had her full attention as her gaze snapped to his in alarm. Hand still at her mouth she began to shake her head “N-no I…I couldn’t I…I mean you s-said it was for your –“

“I know that,” he walked over and placed a hand on the edge “but I’ll make sure that people know it’s not for sale. I-if you want it…I’d love for you to have it.” Besides, I was thinking of you when I began painting this, it’d only seem fitting to give it to you…especially since you actually like it.

There were no words to convey how that made him feel. The picture wasn’t even finished and she had instantly fallen in love with it. He in turn fell in love with her a little more. The redhead wanted to deny it because really, who believed in love at first sight? Looking at her, however, remembering those feelings from eight years ago and how he felt now…it had to be love right? No one else has ever made him feel this way.

“I…I don’t know if I could a-afford it…” there was sadness in her eyes and he had a feeling it had nothing to do with not being able to afford his painting. In all honesty, if she knew what the actual standard price was for his work she’d probably faint.

“Hyuuga-san,” when her gaze flickered back up to him his courage diminished a bit and he looked away “If you want this painting, I would really love to give it to you. I don’t need the money. If you’d like, consider it a gift.”

He could still feel her pale gaze on him and he fought not to turn away or do something equally foolish. There was a small catch to her breathing “A-are you…are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to –“

This time he did look at her and the two froze for a moment, gazes intense on one another. She was holding her hands by her chest, she looked a mixture between pleased and worried and her pale face was quite red.

“I want you to have it.” He said finally, hoping that he sounded firm enough for no further argument. “I – I won’t be able to give it to you until after the showing and that won’t be until two months from now but…”

Shaking her head she put her hands back to her face “I don’t mind.” She said softly “Thank you, Gaara-san.”

There was nothing but pure sincerity in her voice and he stood there, transfixed. He wished he could approach her as he had other women, not overly touchy – he wasn’t that huge on physical affection and clinginess – but at least put a hand on her shoulder or…

Or hold her. I would love to have her in my arms.

Realizing that his thoughts were beginning to drift towards not-so-innocent thoughts he turned “There are a few more over here.” he tells her and walks back over to the other paintings “All of these I’ll be showcasing and like I said, you’re the…you’re the first one to see them.”

All of them were rather gothic in nature, for some reason thinking of her made him think of such settings. Gaara stood back a bit to let her look at them; he could see the awe in her eyes and expressions. It made his heart feel tight in his chest. She liked his work, she liked his paintings. Since he was small everyone had always told him how beautiful his paintings looked or how wonderful of an artist he was. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been appreciative, but it didn’t make him feel the sort of happiness and pride that he was feeling now. Her approval meant more to him than any professional critic’s.

Her gaze shifted back to him after she had stared at his paintings and he had to force his heart to calm down and beat normally. He let out a shaky breath “Do…you like them?” he sounded as nervous as he felt. Here she was, the girl that he had liked for so long, standing in his apartment looking over his work. Not just any work, work that had been directly inspired by her presence. No one else’s approval would come even close to how important he felt hers was. Her opinion, at this point, was the only thing that mattered to him. Even if no one else liked his paintings, if she liked them he would be more than content.

“Gaara-san,” she began, sounding a bit breathless “your…you have such amazing talent and…these paintings are so beautiful.” She looked back at them “I love them.” She answered honestly and he felt tension he hadn’t known was there fade “I think everyone at the exhibition will think so too.”

“…Thank you.” He said it with such warmth and affection that she turned to look at him again. They stood there like that for a long while, simply looking at each other. There seemed to be this…this thing between them; a powerful pull. He was unable to explain how it made him feel. “I’m really glad that you feel that way.” Feeling a little awkward and nervous he turned away from her and began walking to the far side of the room towards the back “Ah…you said you play piano right?”

Her footsteps could be heard along the hardwood floors as she followed him “I-I…not very well…just a little bit.”
Without even realizing it he turned, giving her a rather boyish grin “I’m sure you are better than you believe.” Turning back he pulled out the thin rectangular chair and sat down in front of his piano. He knew exactly what song he wanted to play; it was his favorite song that he had written with her as the inspiration. With his mind focusing on the notes and feeling a little excited from her reaction to his paintings, he motioned for her to sit. “You don’t have to stand if you don’t want to.” It was said off-handedly as his hands brushed lightly along the keys.

Hinata sat beside him, back straight, hands gently on her lap. He briefly remembered that she was an ex-heiress; her posture didn’t seem to be from nerves. She looked excited and eager which made him feel slightly giddy and light-headed. Never in his life would he have thought this day would happen, it was more than just a dream come true for him. He was talking to her, actually holding conversations without running away or looking at her as if he were mute.

“What song are you going to play?” she asked, her voice sounding sweet and shy. Gaara resisted the urge to look at her, unsure what he’d do at this point. Everything felt so incredibly fast yet he couldn’t help the way he felt, how drawn he was to her. The more she was near him the stronger the feeling became.

“It’s something I wrote a long time ago but I’ve never played it for an audience. It was…personal.” I wrote it thinking of you.

Before she could say anything else he began to play, slender fingers moving along the keys expertly, his gaze slightly hooded as he focused on remembering all of the notes. At certain points he closed his eyes; he hadn’t played this song in a very long time and had forgotten how much he had loved it. The song was bright yet almost haunting at the same time, the notes blending together to create something wonderful. It reminded him of the first day he had actually heard the piano being played. He had been fascinated with how meshing keys that made their own individual sound could merge together harmoniously.

When he finished there was silence save for the lingering sounds of the last note played. The redhead was unable to look at her, embarrassment returning full swing. When the silence stretched on he forced himself to glance in her directed and started.

“Hyuuga-san?” without even thinking his hand rose and brushed along her face, wiping away a tear. She did not look unhappy but he was still worried “I…are you –“

“That was…” she shook her head and hastily wiped at her face “I’m so sorry, y-you must think I-I’m silly. I just…I’ve never…” she blushed and looked away “It was just s-so beautiful and I felt as if…as if it were c-calling to me. I know that seems so silly but –“

“The song is about you.” He said bluntly before he stiffened at revealing that to her. Her eyes widened in shock and surprise “I-I…” he hastened to explain “W-when I first…that night I mean…I just…” the words wouldn’t form and he began to feel very nervous. Would she think him weird or creepy? “It wasn’t…” he stopped when he noticed the change in her expression. Hinata didn’t look upset, she looked…

His hand reached out, fingers brushing along her jaw line as he began to lean towards her. His jade gaze kept her pearl, watching to see if she was honestly okay with him drawing near. There was warmth there, warmth and awe and something else he couldn’t identify. That gaze held him like some sort of spell; he couldn’t look away and all he could do was think about how beautiful she was, how she made him feel. A cool hand brushed over his, pulling to cup her cheek. Heart pounding, rational thought was screaming at him to back off, that he was moving way too fast, but he couldn’t, not with the way she was looking at him.

I can’t believe I’m going to kiss her. I want to, so badly but this…

Just as his lips were inches from hers there was the sharp sound of the buzzer, indicating someone being at the door. The two literally jumped away from each other, faces flushed, expressions a mixture of confusion and desire. Hinata’s hand flew to her lips as if he really had kissed her and he found himself once again unable to tear his gaze from her face.

This was impossible. While he had imagined that moment many, many times throughout his teenage years there was still the fact that no matter how beautiful she was, no matter how much she inspired him and made him feel, she was still a virtual stranger. He didn’t know her at all, they had barely been around each other for three hours and he had already been two seconds away from kissing the object of his affections.

This feeling…it should be impossible. It’s as if there’s this powerful magnet between us, pulling us closer and closer together at a rapid rate.

The buzzer went off again and he moved to go open the door “I’ll um…just a moment.” He stammers out. Gaara was sure his face was probably as red as his hair.

A brown blur jumps up on him as he opens the door, arms sliding around his neck. A girl about two to three years his junior looks up at him with a bright smile.

“Gaara-sama!” the brunette says cheerfully, pressing herself closer against him, making him feel quite uncomfortable “I should have known you would be here, didn’t you get my text message? I thought maybe we could do something…” letting him go, the short girl tilts her head, looking at Hinata “Gaara-sama, who is this?”

The room became very tense and uncomfortable. Taking a step back from her he turned towards Hinata “Hyuuga-san this is my friend, Matsuri.” He emphasized the word ‘friend’ sternly. “Matsuri, this is Hyuuga Hinata. I met her once a few years back and we met up again a few days ago.” Once more his gaze locked onto pale lavender eyes “I hope we…can become friends.” He says it softly, ignoring the look his friend is giving him.

Face turning bright red she began to look for her bag “I…I should go…” she looked very nervous and he felt his heart sink a bit. He must have been too pushy, now she was uncomfortable. Would he be able to fix it?

“Are you sure?” he asked, walking back over to her “I…I don’t mind –“

“N-no I…” she looked up at him as she grabbed her bag, pulling it over her shoulder “I should go. I don’t…”

“May I at least walk you to the door?” he asks it low enough for his friend not to hear. When she nods he allows her to go first. “I need to talk to you.” He tells Matsuri in passing before opening the door for Hinata. She stands out in the hall as he leans out a bit, keeping the door close to him so as to give them a bit of privacy.

“I-“ she looked down “I had a really nice time.” It’s said softly, demurely and his stomach does some sort of weird flip flop thing.

“I did as well.” His voice is low but sincere “I…” he cleared his throat. Just do it, don’t think about it. “Dinner.” He practically blurted out “I’d…there’s this place that I think you would like and I…if you’d want…”

“I’d love to.” She sounds a little breathless and once again he can’t seem to take his eyes off of her.

They stand like that for a moment before he blinks “Ah, may I see your phone?” when she hands it to him he programs his number into it, handing it back “Please feel free to call me whenever and I…I’m fine with talking about whatever.” His gaze shifted “I’d…I mean today we…I know I acted very awkward today but I would…” a small sigh “I’d really like to get to know you. That night when I first met you I had been too afraid to approach you – I don’t want to…make that same mistake again.”

Those words were rather loaded with meaning. In a way he was telling her in a roundabout way that he liked her in a more-than-friendly manner. He could tell that she understood this, as her face once again flushed and she – thankfully – looked happy.

“I would really like that too. A-and…you can call me by my first name if you want…I didn’t know your last name at first so I’m sorry if I seemed to forward –“

Is she kidding? I’m the one who almost kissed her! “No! No it’s fine. I wasn’t offended, please feel free.” They stood there in slightly awkward silence for a moment before she began to move.

“Well…I’ll be looking forward to, um, dinner. It was nice seeing you again.”

“Likewise. Goodbye Hinata-san.” Gently he closed the door, leaning his forehead against the frame. He did it. He not only spoke to her without freaking out and running away, but he had also invited her to dinner and she had accepted.

He’d never felt so happy in his life. Eight years and now he meets her again on a rather random encounter. That was a good sign, right? She had stuck around, she had loved his artwork, his most treasured song about her had actually moved her to tears and now he was going to go on another date with her. Was all of this coincidence or fate?

“Gaara-sama?”

…I completely forgot she was here. Feeling rather guilty he turned and walked back into the studio, giving Matsuri an apologetic grin “I’m sorry,” he said “I had just –“

“Do you like her?” the question was asked sadly and he felt his throat tighten. He didn’t want to hurt her, she was his friend and he did like her.

“Matsuri,” he decided to take the heat off of him, especially since it was a rather important topic “why did you tell the press that we were dating?” his tone was soft and non-accusing.

Her gaze shifted to slight confusion.“But we are dating, Gaara-sama, we’ve gone on dates and we’ve held hands and –“

“You asked me to do those things,” truthfully he wasn’t even really upset about it anymore. He didn’t like the fact that she had done it, but a few days to cool off and one outstanding date made him a bit more laid back about it “Matsuri, I do like you but –“

Biting her lip slightly she began to walk towards the door. Alarmed, he gently grabbed her arm.

“Matsuri I –“

“I…I told you I loved you Gaara-sama.” She said and he could see her eyes shining with unshed tears “I can’t…I don’t think I can go back to the way things were now that…”

What? “Why?” he was honestly confused. He really didn’t want to lose her as a friend, why did it have to be like this? He felt as if he were being given an ultimatum; date her or lose their friendship. She didn’t answer him so he sighed, putting a hand through his thick hair “Matsuri…look,” He frowned slightly “I…if you’d like, we can go on one last date. If something happens then maybe I’ll reconsider my feelings but…if not you can’t just discard our friendship. We’ve been friends for years, I like you and I like being around you. If nothing else I would like to keep that.”

She looked thoughtful “S-so this is like…a last chance?”

The redhead shifted uncomfortably “I…suppose. But we need to both agree on this, if nothing happens Matsuri –“

Shaking her head she gave him a lopsided smile “I understand. I’ll try really hard this time and if…if nothing happens then I won’t push you away. I promise.”

The smile he gave her was genuine. Hopefully this could now be settled peacefully and he wouldn’t have to lose a good friend due to unfortunate circumstances “I’m free next week, how does Tuesday sound? I will take you to dinner, like last time.”

“Okay, Gaara-sama.” She gave him a bright smile and he let go of her arm. “You’ll call me?”

“Yes.”

This time when he closed the door and rested his forehead on the door frame he felt horribly uncomfortable and unhappy.

He knew he wasn’t going to seriously date his friend, he didn’t like her like that and with Hinata in his life it was just impossible. He loved Hinata, had loved her since that first night. He was doing this mostly for his friend’s sake. He didn’t have many friends and the ones he did he deeply treasured. Losing Matsuri as a friend would hurt, he liked her a lot, just not romantically.

He needed some advice. It was time to call his sister.