Amnesia

Oh, shit. You people are putting a lot of pressure with your expectations! ^_^ I really just came up with this randomly while I was driving on Venice Blvd. (in Venice, CA). It wasn’t my plan to post this chapter next among my stories, but what gets done first gets posted first.

Masy: Sasuke as a blank slate is interesting and I don’t think anyone’s done it yet. I also like the moral question of can a person be held responsible for their actions if they don’t remember them.
Anonymous: LOL!!! That is hilarious! Considering it’s revenge that makes Sasuke such a hard ass . . .
Prescripto13: Indeed. I actually only found out there was a Yaoi-con last year, but it was in San Fran and that’s too much of a drive, but this is totally doable! I’m excited.
The Smiling Fox: I can’t keep my mind from creating new stories. Yeah, it was a teaser chapter.
Always-Unpredictable: Thank ye.
MunchieManda: Sasuke would be hot in a tutu or Gai’s green spandex. I wanted to try an innocent Sasuke for a change. I do so much evil or slutty, I wanted to explore this possibility.
krito1389: Thank you much!
Nazrita: I would never put a character in an excruciatingly painful emotional situation . . . (I couldn’t even write that with a straight face) ^_^

Lemon!

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Tsunade examined Sasuke. He was healthy, if suffering from muscle atrophy. Sasuke was wary of Tsunade, but was comforted by Kakashi’s presence. Before he answered any question he looked at Kakashi. He shied away from her when she tried to touch him, but Kakashi assured Sasuke it was alright. When it came to testing his strength, Tsunade let Kakashi do it, pressing his hand against Sasuke’s wrists and ankles individually as Sasuke tried to resist him. He was amazingly weak though it was understandable after so much time asleep.

When Tsunade and Kakashi moved to step outside and talk, Sasuke frantically grabbed for Kakashi’s hand, but rather than a tight, desperate grab, he lightly touched his wrist. It broke Kakashi’s heart how weak Sasuke had become.

“Don’t go, please.”

“I’ll be right outside; I’ll come back in a minute. I promise.”

Sasuke let go. Or rather, Sasuke’s muscles gave out and gravity took Sasuke’s hand down.

Kakashi and Tsunade stepped into the corridor while an ANBU kept watch inside the room.

“I still don’t understand what could cause such a coma and amnesia,” Tsunade said.

“Can you confirm if it’s temporary or permanent amnesia?” Kakashi asked.

“No. His memory might come back with time or if it’s triggered by something or it may never come back.”

“If he doesn’t remember anything, can he be held responsible for what he’s done?”

“I want to say ‘no,’ but what if he does remember? I can’t release him. If he remembers and attacks . . .”

“Let me take him, let me watch him,” Kakashi insisted. “No one knows Sasuke as well as his team. Sakura’s a girl and Naruto’s broken up by all this. Let me watch him. I can recognize if his former personality begins to come back. I knew him.”

“What if the old Sasuke does start to come back?”

“I’m one of the few who could hope to match him even in his weakened state.” He pointed to his covered Sharingan.

“He has taken to you. He looks only to you and practically clings to you.”

“I was the first person he saw when he woke up.”

“Like a kitten imprinting on his mother. Or is it a scrap of memory?”

“I’ll take care of him. I’ll watch him.”

“But if his former personality does return?”

Kakashi understood. “I can’t kill him. If he tried to escape or cause any harm I will wound him, but I can’t kill him.”

Tsunade pitied Kakashi. She understood: Kakashi loved the boy, his protégé and his greatest failure. She also knew where it was all going; Kakashi had to know it too. She nodded. “I want you to stay with him 24/7. I want you even sleeping in the same room. The moment he shows any of Sasuke’s less desirable traits or a glimmer of memory, you send a report to me.”

“I will.”

“His muscles are atrophied; he’ll have to retrain his muscles. You’ll have to wheel him or carry him. Never leave him alone or with anyone else; I’ll send someone to you who specializes in physical therapy. Never leave his side and prevent anyone from trying to make him remember. I’m forbidding anyone—especially Naruto and Sakura—from visiting him. Just you, me, and the physical therapist.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

“You can move him tonight once the streets are pretty much empty.”

“Thank you.”

She never heard anyone so sincere and relieved. It broke her heart because she knew what the council’s decision would be in the end.

Kakashi returned to Sasuke’s side.

“I’m taking you home with me tonight,” Kakashi explained. “We’ll work to retrain your muscles. I promise everything will be alright. I’ll take care of you. I’ll protect you.”

If Tsunade had heard that, she would have never let Kakashi take Sasuke home.

-----

Sasuke looked so different without the rage and grief and pain behind his eyes. Sequestered with Sasuke. Kakashi couldn’t—nor was he allowed to—take his eyes off him. At first he had to do everything to care for him right down to dressing and feeding him. He didn’t mind; he had Sasuke back and he loved doting on his former student, trying to even after Sasuke regained some strength.

Sasuke tired quickly when the physical therapist worked with him, but he still had that determination to succeed. He was also as alert and observant as ever. He saw the resentment in the physical therapist’s eyes as the man left. Sasuke lounged on the sofa as Kakashi saw the man out.

“He doesn’t like me.”

Kakashi couldn’t argue with that, the man never tried to hide the fact he didn’t want to be here.

“Why doesn’t he like me? What did I do?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to remember. You were very unhappy. There’s nothing worth remembering. Trust me.” He put water on the coffee table in front of Sasuke.

“I do.”

“You were like a son to me. I’ll make sure you’re happy this time.” He started putting away the weights and other equipment they used to retrain Sasuke’s body.

Kakashi’s choice of words got Sasuke thinking. “Where is my father? My parents?”

“They’re all dead. Both of our families are dead.”

“How?”

“They were all shinobi, our families died to save the village. You should be proud of that.”

“I’m not. But I don’t feel sad either. I guess I can’t morn someone I don’t remember.”

“That’s good. They wouldn’t resent you for not remembering them; they would only want you to be happy.” Kakashi ruffled the younger man’s hair as if he were eight. “Don’t try to remember. I love you; I don’t want you to go through that again. Please, don’t ask about the past.”

Sasuke nodded.

“I’ll take care of you.”

“Why are you the only one who cares about me?”

“I’m not, but I’m the only one capable of caring for you. You’re friends . . . the Hokage and I don’t think it would be good for them to see you. Not now. Maybe once you’re healthy again. Eventually, you’ll probably become a shinobi again and team up with us again. You were sometimes happy then.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should shed everything of my former life. Except you, Kakashi. I don’t think I can trust anyone else.”

That concerned Kakashi a little. Was that misanthropy some of Sasuke’s old personality? And he still didn’t use honorifics. But since Sasuke never used them, they wouldn’t be something he would remember how to use. No, the old Sasuke was dead. Please, let him be dead.

-----

A second bed had been brought into Kakashi’s bedroom in his new house. Somehow, to him, the room didn’t feel cramped. Sasuke still had a ghost of his pride, but he let Kakashi care for him. The shadow of pride and his innate determination made him try his utmost to rebuild his muscles, but Kakashi continued to have physical contact with him almost hourly. That strengthen the bond that had already been born of Kakashi’s love for his student and Sasuke initial trust.

Sasuke liked the soft look in Kakashi’s single hooded eye. He thought to ask about Kakashi’s shut eye more than once. Kakashi didn’t wear his headband at home and Sasuke could see the scar. He wondered if the reason behind the scar was something Kakashi would want to share. But he loved that one gray eye. Kakashi might take off the headband, but he kept a mask on, even at night.

Kakashi had just changed for bed and Sasuke was sitting up thinking. Kakashi always got a little scared when Sasuke started thinking like that, afraid he might remember something.

“Kakashi?”

“Hmmm?”

“Did I love you?”

Kakashi hesitated a beat. “What do you mean?”

“What did I think about you?”

“I really don’t know. You ran away four years ago. I really don’t know.”

Sasuke was curious why he ran away, but Kakashi didn’t like questions, so he let it drop for now. “I love you.”

Kakashi’s lungs just stopped; he knew from the way Sasuke said that that he didn’t mean in a familial way. He forced his lungs to return to work and he shook his head. “I’m just the only person other than the doctor and Hokage you’ve been around.”

“I think I loved you.”

“You had a funny way of showing it,” he said with a hint of bitterness before he could stop himself.

“You mean running away?”

Kakashi sighed. He knew he shouldn’t say anything to jog his memory, but he needed to say it because it was coiling around his heart. “You tried to kill me.”

“I did?” Sasuke was shocked.

“You were mad with grief and rage and high on a victory. I don’t know how you really felt, but you seemed to hate me and tried to kill me. But I don’t think it was me you were angry at though; I never did anything to you.”

Sasuke was forced to wonder who Kakashi really was; he really didn’t know him well, he just trusted him. He didn’t know where he was or anything about the people around him. He had to wonder whether he was among good or evil people. But what did it matter? He loved and trusted Kakashi. Even if it meant he was among demons, he didn’t know any better and that was fine with him.

However, Kakashi’s regret and devotion spoke to a huge amount of guilt. What did Kakashi do to him to make him feel so guilty? That was the only thing that would change Sasuke’s feelings. But that could wait.

“I’m not that person anymore,” Sasuke said. “I love you.”

Kakashi swallowed. He had to admit he thought about it. He loved Sasuke so much it hurt. He was determined to not let things go wrong this time around.

“Did I love anyone else?” Sasuke asked.

“No. You were too consumed by revenge, grief, and rage to care about anyone else. As far as know anyway.”

“What happened to make me like that? Please tell me.”

“No. Not this time. I won’t lose you again.”

“Greif? My family?”

“Yeah. You blamed everyone for their deaths. Please don’t remember.”

“I don’t want to, but I’m curious. Why would I try to kill you? Why am I hated? I know that doctor can’t be the only one. No one is allowed near me because they might try to harm me as much as you fear me remembering. And why do you fear my memory so much? Which is worse, you jogging my memory or giving me no choice but to try to remember?”

“I’ve said too much already, but you wanted to destroy the village. You killed several people before you . . . collapsed and lost your memory. If you remember, you might try again or you’ll simply be executed. I won’t say more than that.”

“I promise never to ask again, if you kiss me.”

Deer in headlights. Kakashi could hear his own heartbeat thumping loud in his ears. He loved Sasuke, but he resisted thinking of Sasuke in a sexual way. He was so innocent. But he loved him. He walked over to Sasuke’s bed and looked into Sasuke’s black eyes. He pulled down his mask for the first time.

“I never seen your face,” Sasuke said.

“No, you never have.”

Kakashi put a hand to Sasuke’s pale cheek; Sasuke leaned in to his hand. Kakashi’s fingers moved into the locks of raven hair. He slowly bent down. Their lips met. But they just touched. Sasuke finally tilted his chin up just a little. Kakashi’s tongue peeked out and licked Sasuke’s upper lip and then he covered that lip with his own and sucked gently. Sasuke shut his lower lip over Kakashi’s and instinct took over from there, opening his mouth and luring Kakashi’s tongue in with his own.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Kakashi’s neck and purposely fell backward into his bed, bringing Kakashi with him. Kakashi was suddenly surrounded by Sasuke’s scent. He kissed him for all he was worth.

I’ll save you, I’ll protect you, I’ll make you happy, I’ll do anything for you. I love you.

Kakashi pulled away and sucked at Sasuke’s neck. He could feel Sasuke’s erection against his thigh. All blood left one of Kakashi’s heads and filled the other. He was never blind to Sasuke’s beauty, but he’d always been a child. Until now.

He made have been older now, but he was more innocent. Kakashi pulled back—intending to put a stop to this—only to see love, trust, and lust swirling in those black eyes.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Kakashi asked. He really hoped Sasuke would throw the breaks on, but Sasuke nodded.

Sasuke could see the fear and doubt in Kakashi’s eye, but he knew both emotions stemmed from how much Kakashi loved him.

Kakashi thought maybe he could go half way. He took off Sasuke’s clothes, Sasuke not really helping since Kakashi seemed to be enjoying uncovering his aroused body. Once Sasuke was naked, Kakashi took a moment to appreciate the beauty before him before taking the young man into his mouth.

Sasuke gave a soft cry as his erection was engulfed by that hot, wet mouth. Somehow the feeling didn’t feel very foreign to him, but it felt so good.

Honestly, this was Kakashi’s first time giving a blow job, but he’d received quite a few in his life and mimicked the best of them: his tight lips running over the hot flesh, moving his tongue over the taut skin and following a throbbing vein, the head pressing against his soft palate then working its way into his throat. It surprised him how long and thick the Uchiha was when erect, but Kakashi was very adaptable and was able to take it all.

Kakashi thought he could get through this with just a blow job, but not after hearing Sasuke moan and gasp his name. Sasuke’s breathing was getting heavier and every sound he made went straight to Kakashi’s cock. He resisted palming himself through his pants and just concentrated on pleasing Sasuke.

Sasuke gripped the sheets and the pillow near his head as he lay askew on his bed trying not to buck his hips up into Kakashi’s throat; he knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere anyway since Kakashi already had his entire length in his mouth. Then Kakashi caressed his scrotum and Sasuke couldn’t help but buck. Kakashi had been ready for it and continued to massage his balls as he sucked.

Sasuke tried to gasp Kakashi’s name as a warning, but Kakashi already knew. He slid halfway off Sasuke’s cock before Sasuke cam. Sweet and salty at the same time with a slight metallic tang. It was the first time Kakashi had tasted semen and it was not distasteful. Kakashi swallowed and licked his little lover clean.

Though his plan to just suck Sasuke off was pretty much discarded, he was about to ask one more time, but Sasuke beat him to it.

“I want you inside me, Kakashi.”

“One second.”

Kakashi stood and went to find the lube he kept for when he had the occasional anal sex with a woman, disrobing as he went. He came back triumphant and nude. Sasuke’s eyes traveled down that toned body to his hard length. For some reason, nine and half inches of thick flesh didn’t scare him, just aroused him.

Kakashi thought he was too innocent to realize how much this would probably hurt. So he warned him. “It’s going to hurt quite a bit the first time.”

“I want it,” Sasuke assured him.

Sasuke had twisted so he was lying properly on his bed. Kakashi got on the bed and went back to mouthing Sasuke’s cock and balls while he lubed his fingers and started to prepare him. The first finger always goes in easily enough, but Sasuke’s body relaxed, inviting him to add a second finger. When it came at least to preparation for anal sex, men and women aren’t very different. Every woman he’d done this with for their first time either tightened up or stayed the same, only the very experienced ones loosened up. It was like a stone inside his chest: Sasuke wasn’t a virgin. That’s why he was so ready for it; he may not remember having sex, but his body did. It didn’t take long to finish stretching him. Damn you Orochimaru.

He needed to kiss him, needed to show him that he was different from Orochimaru, even if Sasuke didn’t remember the other man. He needed to assure Sasuke that he loved him. He kissed him for all he was worth.

Kakashi readjusted to keep kissing him and press into him. Sasuke stopped kissing back as Kakashi forced his way into him. When he moaned, it was in pleasure. Kakashi raised his head and sucked on Sasuke’s earlobe. Sasuke moaned so beautifully, clearly not in any pain.

“Kakashi,” he sighed.

Kakashi was filled with a whirlwind of emotions: he loved Sasuke, but he felt guilty for doing this and he was angry that Sasuke wasn’t a virgin. He put an arm under Sasuke’s lower back to pull him closer and another under his shoulders.

Neither lasted very long, not even Sasuke who’d just cum. Kakashi pulled away afterward to look Sasuke in the eyes. “I love you, Sasuke. I always have.”

“I love you. Stay with me tonight.”

“I will.” Kakashi spooned him. “You know, most people will consider our relationship unethical. Don’t let on to anyone, alright?”

“Who would I tell?”

Kakashi kissed his hair. “I know. I’m sorry things can’t be easier for you.”

“I like this. I don’t want to be around anyone but you.”

“As antisocial as ever. Then I’ll gladly lock you away from everyone, from any harm.”

Sasuke pressed back against him.