Overrated Doors, Failed Cockblocks and a Friday

 

This one is porn-free, but not without lust, as Karin has finally managed to wake Sasuke’s sexual desires. At the expense of Suigetsu and Juugo, of course, but well, it was bound to happen eventually. I hope you enjoy this little humorous break.

On a side note; this story was taken down from fanfiction.net because of the title, but I didn't want to change it, because neither "Penisblocker" or "Roosterblocker" have the same charm.  Hope you're not quite as sensitive.

-Tox

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​The Cockblocker Needs A New Hobby

"You're what?" Suigetsu exclaims, sounding chagrined.



"Dating", Karin states matter-of-factly, pushing her glasses up so that she can condescendingly stare down at him. He and Juugo are sitting at their usual table in their favourite diner, having waited for Karin and Sasuke to arrive… separately. Not hand in hand – bizarre sight as it is. True, they have always thought that there was something going on between them; anyone besides Sasuke is well aware of Karin's less than legal means to lust after him; but to actually see Karin flaunt it, after always denying her feelings poorly, and to see Sasuke actually hold her hand in public… it is surreal.



"I need to hear it from his mouth", Suigetsu says, pointing his spoon at Sasuke. He just looks too weird, like he has no idea how to hold a girl's hand, and like he truly does not know what he should do. But he does not neglect to give the open answer that they are all dying to hear.



"Karin and I are dating", he says. "If you don't like it, leave." At least that part is in character.



Suigetsu muses that there will be many weeping girls in the corridors of the school on Monday, when they catch word of this.



"Congratulation", says Juugo calmly. Sasuke nods in acknowledgment, and Karin has the nerve to smirk at Suigetsu, who glares sulkily. He has done his best at keeping them apart – it has been so much fun to play the cockblocker – but now that they are actually dating…



If Suigetsu were to break them up, then the group dynamics would be really weird, and maybe they would even have to stop hanging out. He doesn't want that. So he supposes that he just has to suck it up. Damn that woman.



Sasuke and Karin sit down next to each other across the table from Suigetsu and Juugo, in the booth. Suigetsu had ordered his favourite frozen yoghurt while waiting for the lovebirds to arrive, but to him it was just a pre-course.



Soon the waiter arrives and takes their order, and after getting their drinks there really isn't much to do when waiting other than talk about the most recent development. Suigetsu is ever the silence-breaker.



"So how did this thing even happen?" he asks, looking at Sasuke first and foremost. Karin fixes her glasses anxiously.



"You bastard, you have no need to know!" she says in that flustering voice of hers. Sasuke doesn't seem to notice her discomfort on the manner.



"Karin was breaking into my room when I was going to bed, last night", he says.



Karin flinches, while Suigetsu has to laugh at the extremely absurd, yet expected, event. "What the hell!" Karin fumes at Sasuke. "You don't just say that!"



"It's all right", Juugo says, ever the peace mediator. "I think… Suigetsu and I expected that, kind of." Suigetsu is still laughing, while Karin blushes and plots ways to hurt her yoghurt-loving "friend".



Their orders arrive when Suigetsu is still laughing, so they start to eat without him. Juugo, Karin and Sasuke are having pizza, while Suigetsu has a bowl of shrimp soup before him. Neither care about looking proper while eating, but Sasuke alone manages to look handsome enough to make a dozen of girls swoon at once, even when grease drips from his chin as he eats his tomato sauce galore of a pizza. Karin eats like a man because she doesn't give a damn about what anyone else has to say, and knows that Sasuke isn't put off by it (and if he were, she wouldn't be into him). Juugo is just hungry – he has a large body to satisfy, after all – and has learnt that no one in the group cares about table manners.



Suigetsu's laughter finally dies out and he starts to slurp his soup loudly, until Karin has heard enough. She slams her hand in the table.



"Stop slurping so much!" she scolds him.



"Make me", Suigetsu taunts childishly.



"Suigetsu, stop slurping", Sasuke says calmly. He moves a napkin to wipe his own cheek, but before he can Karin grabs her own napkin and does it for him. She leans closer than needed and meets his gaze, and he lets her caress his beautiful skin through the thin veil of a napkin…



Suigetsu slurps exceptionally loudly to snap them out of their tender moment, which only serves to bring him the glare of two of his friends. Juugo does his best to ignore their argument, by going to his happy place where birds are chirping all around him on a grassy field.



"Stop slurping", Sasuke repeats coldly, with narrow eyes glaring at Suigetsu. "I don't want you annoying Karin."



"But that's what I do best!" Suigetsu protests. "What the fuck, just because you have sex with her you take her side? Do I need to suck your cock to get you to agree with me just once?"



"Bastard!" Karin shouts in Sasuke's stead. "You're getting nowhere near Sasuke's cock, do you hear me?"



"Agreed", Sasuke says, and he folds his arms over his chest. "And that is final."



Suigetsu sighs. "Man, I hate you all", he mumbles. "Can't you get a joke?"



"I got it", Juugo tells his friend in a supportive voice.



"Good for you", Suigetsu says sarcastically. When he starts to eat his soup again, he does so with no slurping incident. This earns him a nod of approval from Karin, which is a first.



Sasuke seems to having forgotten to eat, still sitting with his arms crossed, but it is a common occurrence, so they don't stop it. Supposedly Sasuke has a lot of things to brood about, and from time to time he has to sit still and look serious, while others go about with their own lives. Girls in school find him cool because of this.



When Karin finishes her pizza she steals a slice from Sasuke, but he is too cool to notice. When Suigetsu tries the same thing Karin slaps his hand away, so he steals a slice from Juugo instead.



"Suigetsu", Juugo says as a warning. "If you do that again, I will be mad." He sounds more concerned than angry, but with good reasons. Although he is such a sweet person, he has a horrible temper, and if he is wronged he will turn into a person you can't quite recognize. It is useful in street brawls, but not in a diner.



"You're all ganging up on me today, fuck you guys", Suigetsu says as he scoots his empty bowl away, and leans back. But he does not leave.



When the waiter comes to take away Karin, Juugo and Suigetsu's empty plates Juugo orders a second pizza, and Suigetsu two slushies, one lime and one lemon. Sasuke finally re-enters the real world and resumes eating his own meal, though he startles for a moment when he notices that he lacks a slice. Regardless, he eats the rest, like a good boy.



Juugo and Suigetsu start up a conversation unrelated to Karin and Sasuke's relationship, concerning a paper Suigetsu has to write about bio-something; he does not really know. Juugo says that he ought to work harder in school, and Karin chips in to agree with Juugo. However, she does offer to help Suigetsu, because even though she isn't his friend, she is his friend. He pretends not to accept the offer, but he does, and they all know it.



With Juugo's second pizza arriving, alongside Suigetsu's slushies, their conversation ends. Instead Karin looks to her boyfriend, who just finishes. She moves closer to him and leans up towards his ear, feeling adventurous and naughty after watching him lick his lips clean from fat.



"Wanna have sex in the bathroom?" she whispers, with a sultry and seductive voice. They have had sex three times so far; once directly after Karin snuck into his room last night, and then later when they woke up this morning, and then again in the shower before they got dressed. Although Sasuke had no condoms in his room, and Karin just had one, they found a box in Sasuke's brother's room to use.



However, Sasuke is not quite as perverted as Karin, nor is he as knowledgeable about kinky sex, or how sexy it is to fuck in a bathroom stall (as proven by movies). In fact, he is quite dumb when he comes to the whole sex issue; he mostly just uses his instincts when having sex with her. His instincts are godly good of course, but he lacks in overall knowledge.



"Why would I want to do that?" he asks her with a truly puzzled look, out loud. This makes Suigetsu look up from his lime slushy, and he pulls the straw out from his mouth.



"Do what?" he asks. "Fuck in the bathroom?" He is sneering, but he doesn't believe in his made up suggestion at all, until…



"Y-you son of a bitch!" Karin yells furiously, with a heavy blush and crazed eyes. "Stay out of it, you bastard!"



"Bathroom stalls are rather unhygienic", Juugo comments. "I would advise against it."



"You shut up too", Karin snaps, though less severely. She does not want to risk getting Juugo upset, but instead, he only looks down on his pizza with a saddened look. He should grow some backbone, Karin thinks. He is too much of a coward, really, who just follows Sasuke's lead.



Karin can't lie though, she does like the "power" over him and Suigetsu that her boyfriend has. Of course, she realizes that she – in a sense – is also a subordinate of Sasuke's, since he is their quote unquote "leader". But it is not exactly the same, for she is Sasuke's "favourite", a title Sasuke's questionable boss gave her.



Sasuke works part time at an emergency alarm centre, where his apathy and rudeness is not well appreciated. It is a distant relative who owns the facility though, and he doesn't fire Sasuke no matter what. An odd man, that boss. Sometimes Karin has thought that he uses Sasuke's unfitting occupation only to create more chaos in the world, but why he would do that, she has yet to figure out.



Karin's job at a body shop fits her much better, because she gets to try any new perfume, and look down condescendingly on others (a hobby she enjoys too much to be considered a nice girl). Suigetsu is a lazy ass who doesn't work extra, but Juugo at least has an excuse, studying to become a veterinarian and all that.



It is rather bothersome, not to mention embarrassing to have all of her friends (all three of them) know about her suggestion to Sasuke, so Karin remains silent and moody.



Eventually Sasuke seems to realize that it is his duty as a boyfriend to get her into a better mood, and so he calls her name. When she looks up he kisses her, having gotten better with public displays of affection (after Karin has gotten his hormones going), and even she is shocked at this. When he ends the kiss Juugo is gaping, and Suigetsu is sucking on his straw really hard, until the slushy is no more.



He knows he should have tried harder at keeping them apart. Maybe he could have seduced Sasuke? He wants some of that tongue-action…



Sasuke's face doesn't change much when the kiss is over, but Karin's shock is soon taken over by her unlimited lust for his saucy body, and she forgets all about Juugo, Suigetsu and the rest of the diner guests (who doesn't really notice them, since their booth is so secluded) as she moves her agile body to straddle Sasuke's lap quicker than he can think, and smashes their mouths together. They are a pair of horny teenagers who have just yesterday gotten a taste at how delicious they are; who can blame them?



One would think Suigetsu shouldn't complain; he is getting a quite nice view of Karin's ass as she grinds against Sasuke after all, just on the other side of the table, but he isn't quite feeling it. To his surprise though he sees that Juugo is almost drooling at the hot display of making out, and the notion that Juugo has sexual urges at all is as foreign to Suigetsu as the notion that Sasuke does. Well, he supposes that explains it. Maybe he just sucks at reading people's sexuality.



When Sasuke's hands are unexplainably placed on Karin's ass, and she moans, Suigetsu has had enough, and he gets up from his seat and grabs his lemon slushy. Juugo notices his plan of action, and pleads for him to stop, but he doesn't. Instead he stands on Karin and Sasuke's side and empties the slushy over their heads, so that the sour yellow shaved ice and juice splashes all over their kiss, faces, and clothes.



Ice, Karin realizes, is very cold. Lemon, Sasuke realizes, is very sour. And the award for best cockblocking of the day goes to Suigetsu, as always.



Karin grabs Sasuke's jacket to drape around herself and storms off, yelling curses like a madwoman, while leaving Sasuke with lips reddened by kissing, and his face splashed with a lemon slushy, dripping from his face onto his white shirt. Even then, he looks absolutely sexy, despite making a face which tells the world that he has tasted something very sour.



Juugo kindly gives him a napkin, and Sasuke wipes his face clean. He also unbuttons a few too many buttons on his shirt – revealing a wet and sexy chest – to dry his skin there as well. Once done, he folds his arms over his chest, and looks at Suigetsu with a dark stare. If he had some sort of ocular power (which Suigetsu sometimes believes that he does) then his glare would surely have put Suigetsu through a dimension of pain.



"Come on", Suigetsu says, chuckling nervously. "I had to do something. It was nasty."



"No, it wasn't", Juugo comments.



"Agreed", Sasuke adds.



"Fuck you, first of all, you're both biased", Suigetsu says. "And second of all, Sasuke… you do realize that you were grabbing Karin's ass in public, right? That's a whole other dimension of weird other than seeing you guys hold hand." He waves around with his hand to find the right words, but Sasuke's glare has softened somewhat, and he almost seems… embarrassed. Or as close to embarrassed as an Uchiha can look while doing the trademark Uchiha glare. "I mean fuck her for all I care, but do it before closed doors. That was just out of character"



"You're oddly conservative, Suigetsu", Juugo notes. Suigetsu wants to refute that, but doesn't. "I agree with him, though", Juugo proceeds to tell Sasuke. "It is odd to see you intimate. But unlike Suigetsu, I think we can get used to it."



"No, we can't", Suigetsu argues.



"Enough, both of you", Sasuke says. "What Karin and I do is not any of your busi-"



"Yes it it!" Suigetsu all but shouts. "If you're doing it when you're with us, then yes it is our business too."



They lock eyes with each other for a couple of minutes, until surprisingly enough Sasuke caves. He doesn't look away or anything, but he says; "I have no intention of sharing my relationship with you", which sort of implies "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I am so very sorry Suigetsu, I will not almost have sex with Karin right in front of you ever again, from now on you won't have to picture us doing anything remotely sexy together. In fact, just for your sake, we'll only be doing the missionary under the covers when we have sex." That's the way Suigetsu interprets it, and he is very pleased with the answer. Juugo looks saddened.



When the waiter comes to take away their empty plates he stares at Sasuke's exposed chest for a gay moment, before Suigetsu asks for the check. Sasuke covers for his girlfriend of course, and Juugo pays the tip. He is the only one of the group who has the manners to do so, unless Sasuke is out eating with his brother and tries to act less rude than he normally is, to impress him.



Since Sasuke is jacket-less, and it is Suigetsu's fault for this in a sense, he ends up having to lend Sasuke his own jacket. However, since Juugo is so nice, he lets Suigetsu lend his own, and as such, the three boys enter the diner with a jacket-less Juugo.



It is night outside, and Suigetsu steers them towards Juugo's home, since it's the closest and since he lives alone. On the way he texts Karin – even though this should be Sasuke's job now – telling here where they are heading.



Inside of Juugo's home Sasuke borrows the shower, and a t-shirt to wear when he is done, due to Suigetsu's slushy incident before. Turns out, smelling like lemon isn't really his style, and he also doesn't like how sticky the juice made his skin.



While Sasuke is still in the shower Karin arrives, waltzing into the apartment through the front door with no concern about being polite and knocking or ringing the doorbell first. When she shows up Suigetsu and Juugo are playing Tekken, but Suigetsu pauses and snickers at her.



"Sasuke's in the shower", he says. "Watcha gonna do about it?" A day ago, she would have blushed furiously, taken up a shoe and flung it at his head, while stammering "what are you implying, shut up!" or something along those lines. It is that kind of reaction (minus the hurt of the shoe hitting his head) that Suigetsu is eagerly waiting for.



But Karin doesn't deliver. Instead, she smiles a perverse grin and starts to sneakily sneak towards the bathroom. In an excellent display of lock-picking she opens the locked door with a bobby pin, and then sneaks inside with the stealth of a ninja. Suigetsu is very disappointed.



"I know that you like to annoy Karin", Juugo says. "But maybe you should stop it. You lost."



"I didn't lose", Suigetsu protests, as he starts the game once more. He does in fact lose to Juugo, but it is only in a game, so he isn't nearly as upset as he looks. "It's just… stupid." He folds his arms over his chest, while the video game controller falls to the floor, and he props his legs up onto the sofa. Juugo is sitting next to him, taking up the rest of the two seat couch, and looking over at his friend.



Being more proper than him, Juugo places his own controller on the coffee table, and sighs.



"Are you jealous?" he asks. "Is that why you're always annoying Karin?"



"I am not jealous of Sasuke", Suigetsu quickly protests. "I just like to tear them apart… not that it is going to work anymore…"



"I didn't say you were jealous of him", Juugo states calmly. "You're jealous of Karin."



Suigetsu flinches, but he doesn't deny it. He gives Juugo a shady, but friendly, smirk. "Aren't you as well?" he asks. "You told me Sasuke reminds you of your ex, before he got together with that pedo. So?"



Juugo blushes like a maiden. "Well", he says. "I think… most people… are jealous of Karin's position right now."



"True that", Suigetsu snickers. "Man… we should have worked harder to tap that."



"Be careful with your wordings", Juugo tells him. "If Karin hears the way you're talking about him…"



Suigetsu just waves it off, and they start another match.



When Karin and Sasuke exits the bathroom they both have wet hair, and Karin keeps pulling Sasuke down for kisses. Suigetsu sees this through the open door between the hall and the living room, but he cannot complain for they thankfully separate their bodies for one bloody second as they enters the living room to join their friends.



Sasuke goes to sit down on the other couch, which is placed to face the TV with the short end. Karin walks firstly behind Suigetsu, and she hits him on his head.



"For the slushy, you asshole", she explains. It is at least nice of her to give a reason, Juugo thinks.



"It made you lucky with Sasuke in the bathroom, you ought to be grateful, you pervert", Suigetsu says, before a pillow is flung at him furiously.



The pillow doesn't sting though, so it is all right. Suigetsu throws it back at her, but misses, since she has moved. She goes to join her boyfriend on the other couch, and Suigetsu cringes when he sees them kiss yet again. And to make it worse; she sits bet ween his spread legs, leaning against his chest.



But that is the only thing that is different. She still manages to beat Juugo in a match after being handed Suigetsu's controller. Suigetsu still manages to beat her. Sasuke still manages to beat everyone as usual, and they again decide to not let him play anymore, because they all hate losing just as much (well, only one side of Juugo does; the normal side couldn't care less).



Karin and Sasuke are dating, Suigetsu thinks when he sees Sasuke actually kiss Karin's neck after she wins against Suigetsu. It is kind of nice. Karin seems happier, and even Sasuke does. They look comfortable.



Maybe Juugo was right, and he is jealous. Not of Karin, not of Sasuke, but of them. For now though, Suigetsu plays the good friend who is just happy for his friends' sake. Not that he will ever admit it, least of all to Karin.



They start a new game, and Suigetsu makes another provoking comment to Karin about her sex life. Again it falls for deaf ears, and he grumpily rubs his head.



He should get a new hobby.