It Feels Right to be Wrong

  “Tobi, we need to talk.” Hashirama said as soon as he saw his brother for the first time the next morning. 

  Tobirama frowned before nodding.  He knew that it would be about the kiss.  He couldn’t make eye-contact with Hashirama, and instead he chose to stare at the ground beneath them.  He didn’t want his brother to hate him – he wanted Hashirama to love him.

  Hashirama sighed before speaking.  “Tobi…  What you did last night was wrong…  We… we’re brothers, Tobirama…  Brothers aren’t supposed to do stuff like that…  You know this…”

  Tobirama groaned, unable to look at his brother.  “… Aniki…”

  Hashirama sat down beside the younger and took his brother’s hand.  “…I’m not mad…  I just…”

  “I love you, aniki!” Tobirama blurted out before realising his mistake and clapping his hands over his mouth.  He looked up at his brother with wide, fearful eyes – his brother would most certainly hate him now!  He just kept crossing the line!

  Hashirama gasped, ducking his head in an attempt to hide his tears before speaking again in a quivering, soft voice.  “Tobi…  I love you, too, but only as a brother, and… my heart still belongs to Madara…”

  “Madara, Madara, Madara!” Tobirama shouted, getting to his feet, his fear already-forgotten due to his rage.  “It’s always all about Madara with you, isn’t it?!  Why can’t it be about me for once!  I actually love you, nii-san, but you only want that abusive cockwhore!” 

  “Please, Tobi…” Hashirama pleaded, looking down at the ground. “…Please don't do this…”

  “No, I will do this, aniki!  You need to wake up!  Madara doesn't care about you like I do!  No one will ever love you like I do!”

  With that, Tobirama grabbed his brother again, pulling him up to his face and crushing his lips against the older Senju’s with bruising force.  Hashirama kept trying to push him away, twisting around wildly to get away, but he wasn’t about to let go.

  “Tobi…!” Hashirama whimpered, tearing up again.  “Please… stop!”

  Tobirama pulled away immediately at the fear in his brother’s voice.  He looked to see the tears dripping down Hashirama’s cheeks and he frowned. 

  “…” Tobirama hugged the brown-haired man, rubbing his brother’s back, trying to calm Hashirama down -- he hadn’t realised just how much the older Senju would be hurt by a kiss.

  “Tobi…!” Hashirama cried, clutching at the younger’s shirt tightly.  He sobbed hard.  “T-tobi…!”

  “…”  Tobirama nuzzled his brother’s neck gently, feeling his heart breaking -- how could he do this to his brother?!  “…Aniki…  I’m so sorry…”

  Hashirama just cuddled back into Tobirama, not understanding why his brother was acting like this -- where had they gone wrong?  They had always been so close -- closer than most other brothers they knew -- but Tobirama had never once made him feel scared or uncomfortable like had had just done. 

  Before he knew it, Hashirama had cried himself to sleep.

  --LINEBREAK--  

  Tobirama sat in his room during lunch, staring at the wall opposite him while his brother slept on the couch.  What was he going to do?  He didn't know if Hashirama would ever trust him again now, and he knew for sure that Hashirama would never return his feelings.

  Tobirama hadn’t meant to hurt his brother, but he had hidden these feelings for him for so long they were beginning to get out-of-control.  The younger Senju had lost count of how many people he had slept with to try and compensate for Hashirama, but none of them could ever compare to his brother, and he knew this.

  “What am I going to do…?” Tobirama whispered to himself.  “…I love my aniki, but… I can’t just hurt him like this!  I’m not like that Uchiha Devil that has my brother so brainwashed!  I could never hurt him!  Never!”

  Tobirama had collapsed into tears at these thoughts, not knowing what to do.  All he wanted was his brother, but he would do nothing that would only hurt the older Senju. 

  Why was it so hard…?