Angel's Touch
folder
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
28
Views:
1,366
Reviews:
383
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
28
Views:
1,366
Reviews:
383
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Tragic Autumn
Artemis: Eeee! Thanks for all the good reviews, guys! ^_^ I love good reviews, and I’m happy to see I did a good job with the last chapter. Makes the headache I got from it worth it. XD I’m a little depressed though…I haven’t got one flame!!! Can you believe that? I mean, first week on Fanfiction.net and it was flame heaven. But not on AFF. XD Something must be wrong here. Oo *just jinxed herself* XP Then again, maybe no one can resist the cuteness of SasuNaru!!! MUAHAHAHAA!!!
Is it just me, or does it seem that when someone they care about is hurt, the Saint Beasts go all powered up and animalistic? XD Well, that’s easily explained. I’m sticking with the idea that when their power comes out, the saint beasts fight more like animals then people. (note: Naruto and now Gaara) ^^
Oh…also, I drew a bit of fanart for Angel’s Touch. It’s not Naruto in his pjs…though I still plan for that. I call it ‘Angel’s Touch: Heavenly Warriors’. It’s a pic I worked hard on of Gaara, Lee, Naruto, and Sasuke.
You can view it on my deviantArt here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/46484544/
Hope you all enjoy the picture!
Ok. This chapter is slightly angsty, but it’s what you all wanted about ten chapters ago. Gaara’s story!! Weee…*crap, this’ll be hard XD* Warning, I’m so probably gonna screw up Gaara’s personality here. XD But I give up. My Gaara is my Gaara. ^^’
PS: Since AFF went weird, it reset things so my story only accepted signed in reviews. But I changed that, so now anyone should be able to review again without signing in. ^_^
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Chapter 17: The Tragic Autumn
Gaara rested against the pillows of the resort bed as Kakashi finished wrapping up his wounded back. Lee was lying on the bed next to his, being fussed over by Gai. As Gaara had assumed, the walk back had only been fifteen minutes. It was impressive, the power illusions could have over the mind. After the sensei’s explained that Hinata had woken them up, and after five minutes of heavy lecturing by Gai and a slightly immature joke thrown in by Kakashi, Lee had been able to explain just why they had been out in the forest in the middle of the night.
“Well…aside from a swollen ankle and bruises, everything looks good!” Gai announced with a grin, patting Lee’s shoulder and standing up.
Kakashi looked up from his book and sighed, stashing it away and standing. “At this rate, we’ll be forced to lay down strict bed times for all of you.”
“Hai. And Lee! After your recovery, I expect 500 laps for running off without informing Kakashi and I of the situation,” Gai declared, pointing a commanding finger at Lee.
If Gaara had eyebrows, they would have risen at that statement.
“Hai, Gai-sensei!! And if I can’t do 500 laps, I’ll do 5000 push-ups!!” Lee grinned and saluted his sensei.
Figures… Gaara thought, slumping back against the pillows with a sour expression. He’d never understand how Lee and Gai-sensei’s minds worked.
Kakashi formed some hand seals and pressed his hand on the ground, a small dog appearing in a puff of smoke.
“It’s been a while, Kakashi,” the small brown pug spoke, startling Gaara slightly.
“It has, Pakkun,” Kakashi smiled merrily and straightened. “I need you to track down a couple of lost boys.”
Pakkun grunted and started for the door. “I hope you have something I can get the scent from.”
“Well then, you two stay in bed and recover. Gai and I will head out after the others, so if you need anything give Hinata a call. She’s in the room right next to this one. Take care,” Kakashi stated with a smile and wave, before following after Pakkun with Gai tagging along.
The door closed behind the older men and dog, leaving two bruised and exhausted boys alone in utter awkward silence. Gaara continued to frown unhappily, staring up at the ceiling. The battle was still fresh in his mind, the events that had taken place slightly confusing him. He thought about Lee and his actions, then pondered over several questions that suddenly came back up in his head. Turning his gaze to Lee, he chewed on his lip before deciding to go ahead and ask.
“Lee?”
Lee snapped out of his quiet thoughts, turning his head and smiling at Gaara, “Hai, Gaara-kun?”
Gaara stared back solemnly, not reflecting the smile, “Why didn’t you use any chakra? You could have handled the battle better.”
Lee suddenly frowned and looked back at the ceiling. “One…does not need chakra to win battles.”
Gaara blinked, then flushed slightly and looked back at the ceiling as well. Apparently, he’d touched upon a sore subject by accident.
Leaving that question for later, he chose another one that seemed less personal. “Back in the forest…you were going to ask me something. But you stopped and changed the subject.”
Lee glanced at him and squirmed a little in his bed, curiosity fighting discomfort. He seemed to make up his mind and turned, looking at Gaara steadily. “Gaara-kun…are you a suicider?”
Gaara felt shock rise up in him and he turned his head to look at Lee in surprise. Lee frowned at him, obviously worried about the reaction his question had caused. He quickly flushed and adverted his eyes, reaching up to scratch his cheek.
“You see…Gai-sensei told me about their kind. Everybody has a set time when they are meant to die, and special angels called Shinigami are tasked with the duty of making sure people die when they’re supposed to and then guide those dead souls to the Hall of Judgement. There…they either become angels or are cast into the Hell that is ruled by the Devils,” Lee squirmed again and looked at the ceiling. “However…sometimes, that isn’t always the case. There are people who take their own lives before their time. Because they don’t die as scheduled, there is no Shinigami there to guide them to Judgement. There are so many of these cases, that Heaven can’t keep up with them and locate all these lost souls. So they wander the mortal realm, neither truly dead nor truly alive.”
Gaara frowned and stared at his feet, taking this information in. It was the first time he was hearing this.
“Gai-sensei said that because of their unfinished state of death, a suicider must pay a price to retain their existence. Otherwise, they’ll slowly fade into nothingness. And that price is decided accordingly to how they chose to kill themselves,” Lee continued, his tone hesitant. “I could smell dried blood on you…and I noticed…Naruto-kun has traces of a bite mark on his neck…so I started to wonder if you might be one. A suicider.”
Silence followed this statement, thicker then the one left by Kakashi and Gai. Gaara silently thought over Lee’s offered information, feeling the weight of the unanswered question and the rising shame in his own heart.
After a while, he sighed in defeat and closed his eyes, breaking the silence but not the tension. Raising his arm up, he pulled his sleeve down so Lee could see the faint scar on his wrist.
Lee rolled over onto his side, looking at Gaara’s wrist with more bravery now that the other hadn’t shouted at him or gotten angry. “So…it’s true? You spilled your blood in life, and now you must drink blood in death. Why, Gaara-kun? You seem so strong to me.”
“I wanted an escape. I thought death was the end of everything…I was sure I could finally rest and escape my shame. But…I was wrong…” Gaara replied calmly, letting his arm fall back onto the bed.
Lee frowned and continued to look at the other. “Was life that horrible to you?”
“My life…?” Gaara murmured, turning his eyes to the ceiling once again with a look of solemn recollection. “I can’t recall one good memory…My mother died when I was born, and my father silently blamed me every day for it. By the age of four I developed this power over sand…”
Gaara raised his hand up, a handful of sand gathering around it and flowing around his fingers like a river. “When I was young…I couldn’t consciously control it. The sand did its own thing. It acted in my self defense, but it took even the smallest thing as a threat. I had no friends in school. No one could play with me without the sand hurting them, and soon I was seen as a freak and a monster rather then a human.”
Lee watched the sand, before looking at Gaara’s face, “Didn’t you have siblings? One’s family is all the love a youthful life needs.”
Gaara let the sand slip away and again dropped his hand, closing his eyes with a painful frown. “Family love…heh…Siblings? …Yeah. I had those. My older sister went to college in America, so she was never around. And my brother…the sand killed him.”
“Killed him?” Lee’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Hai. Kankuro never let fear stop him from being my older brother. But because of that, he died. Not even my father knows…though …I think he suspected,” Gaara replied, opening his eyes, a hidden sadness in them. “I wonder if he hates me…where ever he is now.”
Lee refrained from speaking, allowing Gaara to speak as much as he pleased and let it out.
“But…in the end, the real reason that drove me to suicide…” Gaara murmured, his thoughts drifting to that autumn day.
“Gaara, don’t fall behind.”
“Hai, To-san!” Gaara piped up as he snapped out of his thoughts, jogging to catch up to his father.
He looked up at the older man and smiled happily. Normally, his father was to busy with work to spend time with him. But today, his father didn’t have work to do and had suggested they go to the park. Gaara had never been to the park before. It was huge, so he went around it whenever he walked home from elementary school.
And though it was bigger then he thought and very confusing, he was glad that his father wanted to spend time with him for once. A simple walk meant the world to the small child, who rarely ever had anyone do anything good with him.
Gaara’s attention wandered off as he looked around at all the red and golden leaves above and below and around him. Smiling again, he rushed past his father towards a few falling leaves and reached up, managing to catch a red one. He stared at it for a moment, realizing the leaf and his hair were the same.
“To-san, look! This one’s the same color as my hair!” Gaara shouted happily and turned to show his father.
His smile slowly vanished as he realized his father wasn’t there behind him. Frowning in confusion, Gaara held the leaf close to his chest and looked down the way they’d come and the way they’d been going. His grip tightened on the leaf as he slowly realized with terror that his father was no where to be seen.
“To-san? TO-SAN!?”
Tears welled up in his eyes as he got no reply. Gaara squirmed where he stood for a moment, before terror drove him forward. He ran along the path, looking around and franticly calling out for his father, each moment of failure causing the fear inside of him to swell more and more. He didn’t know where he was or where home was. He didn’t know where his father went, or how he could have lost him so easily.
Screaming out for his father, Gaara collapsed under a maple tree and curled up, breaking down into tears. He staid there crying, wishing his father would appear and scold him for running off like that. But as it started to get darker out and his father didn’t show up, he started trying more and more to remember where home was. If he could get home on his own, he’d be safe and not lost here in the park. And once he got home, he’d never go to the park again and would always stick close to his father’s side. He’d never run off again!
Gaara stood and hugged himself, looking around for anything that might look familiar to him. He started to walk down the path again, searching quietly for any kind of landmark while jumping from every shadow that moved. After it had gotten really dark and Gaara had almost collapsed and cried again, he spotted something silver shining at the edge of a lamp’s light. It took a moment, but he realized with rising hope that the silver thing was the edge of the playgroun’s monkey bars. He knew the playground! It was by the edge of the park, near the road he walked along towards home!!
Hope filling his heart, Gaara made a run for the playground, dropping his leaf along the way but not caring. He would be home, safe and warm and that’s all that mattered. Gaara ran along the road he always walked alone, heart pounding in his chest as the buildings got more and more familiar. He let out a relieved laugh as his house finally came into view. Completely forgetting everything that had just happened, Gaara ran up the stairs and inside the house.
He opened his mouth to announce that he was home, but stopped suddenly as he heard voices clearly from the study room.
“So you just left him?”
“What was I supposed to do? I can’t kill him. This and murder are two different things.”
Gaara’s eyes widened in shock, recognizing one of the voices as his father’s and the other his uncle’s.
“So dumping him off in the park is a good idea? What are you going to do if he finds his way home?”
“He’s never been to the park before. He’s probably good and lost. And if anyone does find him, I’ll be long gone by then.”
“You’d better hope this plan works out.”
“It will. I won’t raise that demon of a child any longer.”
Gaara took a few steps away from the door, tears welling up in his eyes as his father’s words echoed coldly in his head. His father…purposefully left him at the park? His father wanted him dead!? His father thought he was a demon to!?!
Stumbling as he backed up, Gaara turned and ran blindly from the spot. Tears streamed down his face as he once again found himself outside, trying to get as far away from reality as possible. He ran until his legs were sore and his throat burned, until his eyes stung and his heart felt ready to explode from the pain. Finally he collapsed in exhaustion and tears, curling up on the patch of dirt that had met his fall.
“Why…why am I so different?” Gaara sobbed out.
For the third time in his life, he hated himself. He hated his existence, his life, his everything. He wished that his brother was there to scold him for being foolish, but then he remembered that Kankuro was dead…and it was his fault. Just like mother was his fault.
Gaara felt shame and loathing well up in him. “I really am a monster…”
He sat up slowly, clutching his head as those words settled on him like the weight of the world. He was a monster…It would all be better if he was dead. Then his father would be happy. Everyone would be happy. Happier if he wasn’t there anymore. Even he would be happier…because if he was dead, he wouldn’t be able to think or feel anything anymore. And compared to the pain right now…that would be his heaven.
As if someone was encouraging his thoughts, Gaara opened his eyes to find himself on a dirt patch in a construction zone. On the ground beside him was a shard of broken glass, left behind in the bustle of work. Shakily, he picked it up and stared at it while a few unshed tears finally broke free from his eyelashes. His face hardened with determination, he turned the shard around like a knife and with a desperate cry, brought it down on his wrist.
To Gaara’s dismay, sand shot up and blocked the glass’s descent. Blinking in surprise and then anger, he jabbed at his wrist again and again. Each time the sand was faster, stopping him from granting his dark wish. With a frustrated scream, he glared angrily at the dissolving sand and the now broken glass shard.
“LET ME DO THIS!!!” Gaara screamed at his wrist, raising the shard again.
Sand flowed along his arm and wrapped around the glass, molding into a dagger of hardened sand. Without realizing what he’d done to it, Gaara brought the shard down with all his might. This time, faced against its own element, the sand broke away and the dagger sliced deeply through skin. Blood flew up and splattered against Gaara’s face and shirt. Stunned, he sat there and watched as his own red blood seeped from his very first physical wound.
“Was this………right?”
Gaara raised his hand up and stared at the scar. Had it been right? No…it hadn’t. Not by society’s standards it hadn’t been. But what else could he have done? He had been only six years old with no one that would have cared to raise him if his father and uncle wouldn’t. He’d had no one.
Lee remained silent, thinking about what he’d just learned. He now understood the moments when Gaara-kun seemed to have that look of self-loathing.
“Gaara-kun…do not feel ashamed. Though your actions were false, the fault lies in the closed minds and hearts of those that had surrounded you.”
Gaara turned his head and met Lee’s gaze, something inside stirring slightly when he realized the other’s eyes were filled with understanding and acceptance instead of the disgust he’d expected.
Lee smiled at him, not a toothy smile but a normal smile. “Gai-sensei said that a disadvantage to being a reborn beast god is that the person suffers in life. I am sadly disheartened to see a kind person such as you subjected to such a fate. But fear not. Naruto and I both our beast gods, and we ourselves know what it is to live miserably. With us, Gaara-kun, you belong.”
Gaara felt his face heat up slowly at these words, having to turn away from the other’s words and smile. He felt strange all of a sudden. The edges of his lips twitched upwards for a moment, before relaxing as he drifted off into one of many daydreams.
He felt calm and at peace.
***word dictionary***
To-san – simple a way of addressing one’s father
Hai – means ‘yes’
Shinigami – means ‘god of death’; has also been used in reference to angels of death; see anime/manga Gundam Wing (Duo Maxwell)/Yami No Matsurei/Death Note
***notes***
Gaara – wee! Yes…Gaara’s tragic life revealed. So now you all know. Gaara is a suicider, and suicider’s owe a life debt based on how they die. If they spill blood, they must drink it. If they drown, they cannot leave the water. So on, so forth. And Temari and Kankuro’s whereabouts are revealed as well. ^^
daydreams - since Gaara can't sleep, he spends his nights daydreaming. ^^
Sasuke, Naruto, and the others – I know. Two chapters aside focused on Gaara and Lee. Don’t worry. Next chapter returns to our dear, unfortunate Naruto. XD
***reviewer responses***
sharinganeyes – Thank you. I’m glad you like my little dress up flash game. ^^ And yeah…my fave thing so far is making Akutsuki Naruto, Pantless Kakashi, and Naruto style Sasuke. ^^
Artume – thank you, Artume. ^^
Nomme de Plume – Thanks and I still refuse to speakith of Itachi and Orochimaru. ^^ And yeah, I write good battle scenes, but you right awesome yaoi scenes. *loves all your stories I’ve read so far*
chenny – thank you ^^
--fie – Thanks. I’m glad my story pleases ya. ^^
bloodyrose – I know! ^^ Gaara and Lee protecting each other. ^^ I try not to make fight scenes to boring or longer then they need be. And more of Gaara in this update. ^^
ClosetEmo – I have to have the fight clearly running through my mind to type it, so I’m glad when I hear it runs well in others to. And Kabuto? *zips her lips* I refuse still to reveal the identities of the main badies. ^^ And yeah, I spent four days of winter break playing Twilight Princess and beating it. ^^ I love Zelda games.
XZanayu – Yeppy! Lee and Gaara protecting one another. It’s so cute. Just like their fight against the bone dude in the anime. ^^
CommGonn – Naruto’s hair is funky? Yeah, I suppose. I had to take a look. It’s made to go with the headband, though. ^^ Thank you. ^^
CrescentMoon Alchemist – Hahaha. ^_^ *poses with you* Thank you!
Yuri-san – lol. Don’t worry, Yuri-san. Other’s left enough questions. ^^ And that icon was cute and funny. XD *huggles Gaara and Lee, and Naruto and Sasuke*
Sama – I loved that amv. I didn’t see to much of how it fit the story, other then the music, but it was definitely a good amv. ^^ Thank you for sharing. And thank you for the review. ^^
mirandler43 – Lee’s character is so fun to work with. ^^ It’s Gaara that I have a bit of trouble with. ^_^; And your statement about being a hypocrite if you demanded speedy update made me laugh so hard. XD I’m still waiting patiently for your update. ^_^ And things will be moving back to Naruto and Haku in the next chapter. This was a planned split in the storyline to highlight Gaara and Lee, and it won’t be the last time. Though the main main characters are Sasuke and Naruto, Gaara and Lee are sort of like the secondary main characters. ^_^
Is it just me, or does it seem that when someone they care about is hurt, the Saint Beasts go all powered up and animalistic? XD Well, that’s easily explained. I’m sticking with the idea that when their power comes out, the saint beasts fight more like animals then people. (note: Naruto and now Gaara) ^^
Oh…also, I drew a bit of fanart for Angel’s Touch. It’s not Naruto in his pjs…though I still plan for that. I call it ‘Angel’s Touch: Heavenly Warriors’. It’s a pic I worked hard on of Gaara, Lee, Naruto, and Sasuke.
You can view it on my deviantArt here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/46484544/
Hope you all enjoy the picture!
Ok. This chapter is slightly angsty, but it’s what you all wanted about ten chapters ago. Gaara’s story!! Weee…*crap, this’ll be hard XD* Warning, I’m so probably gonna screw up Gaara’s personality here. XD But I give up. My Gaara is my Gaara. ^^’
PS: Since AFF went weird, it reset things so my story only accepted signed in reviews. But I changed that, so now anyone should be able to review again without signing in. ^_^
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Chapter 17: The Tragic Autumn
Gaara rested against the pillows of the resort bed as Kakashi finished wrapping up his wounded back. Lee was lying on the bed next to his, being fussed over by Gai. As Gaara had assumed, the walk back had only been fifteen minutes. It was impressive, the power illusions could have over the mind. After the sensei’s explained that Hinata had woken them up, and after five minutes of heavy lecturing by Gai and a slightly immature joke thrown in by Kakashi, Lee had been able to explain just why they had been out in the forest in the middle of the night.
“Well…aside from a swollen ankle and bruises, everything looks good!” Gai announced with a grin, patting Lee’s shoulder and standing up.
Kakashi looked up from his book and sighed, stashing it away and standing. “At this rate, we’ll be forced to lay down strict bed times for all of you.”
“Hai. And Lee! After your recovery, I expect 500 laps for running off without informing Kakashi and I of the situation,” Gai declared, pointing a commanding finger at Lee.
If Gaara had eyebrows, they would have risen at that statement.
“Hai, Gai-sensei!! And if I can’t do 500 laps, I’ll do 5000 push-ups!!” Lee grinned and saluted his sensei.
Figures… Gaara thought, slumping back against the pillows with a sour expression. He’d never understand how Lee and Gai-sensei’s minds worked.
Kakashi formed some hand seals and pressed his hand on the ground, a small dog appearing in a puff of smoke.
“It’s been a while, Kakashi,” the small brown pug spoke, startling Gaara slightly.
“It has, Pakkun,” Kakashi smiled merrily and straightened. “I need you to track down a couple of lost boys.”
Pakkun grunted and started for the door. “I hope you have something I can get the scent from.”
“Well then, you two stay in bed and recover. Gai and I will head out after the others, so if you need anything give Hinata a call. She’s in the room right next to this one. Take care,” Kakashi stated with a smile and wave, before following after Pakkun with Gai tagging along.
The door closed behind the older men and dog, leaving two bruised and exhausted boys alone in utter awkward silence. Gaara continued to frown unhappily, staring up at the ceiling. The battle was still fresh in his mind, the events that had taken place slightly confusing him. He thought about Lee and his actions, then pondered over several questions that suddenly came back up in his head. Turning his gaze to Lee, he chewed on his lip before deciding to go ahead and ask.
“Lee?”
Lee snapped out of his quiet thoughts, turning his head and smiling at Gaara, “Hai, Gaara-kun?”
Gaara stared back solemnly, not reflecting the smile, “Why didn’t you use any chakra? You could have handled the battle better.”
Lee suddenly frowned and looked back at the ceiling. “One…does not need chakra to win battles.”
Gaara blinked, then flushed slightly and looked back at the ceiling as well. Apparently, he’d touched upon a sore subject by accident.
Leaving that question for later, he chose another one that seemed less personal. “Back in the forest…you were going to ask me something. But you stopped and changed the subject.”
Lee glanced at him and squirmed a little in his bed, curiosity fighting discomfort. He seemed to make up his mind and turned, looking at Gaara steadily. “Gaara-kun…are you a suicider?”
Gaara felt shock rise up in him and he turned his head to look at Lee in surprise. Lee frowned at him, obviously worried about the reaction his question had caused. He quickly flushed and adverted his eyes, reaching up to scratch his cheek.
“You see…Gai-sensei told me about their kind. Everybody has a set time when they are meant to die, and special angels called Shinigami are tasked with the duty of making sure people die when they’re supposed to and then guide those dead souls to the Hall of Judgement. There…they either become angels or are cast into the Hell that is ruled by the Devils,” Lee squirmed again and looked at the ceiling. “However…sometimes, that isn’t always the case. There are people who take their own lives before their time. Because they don’t die as scheduled, there is no Shinigami there to guide them to Judgement. There are so many of these cases, that Heaven can’t keep up with them and locate all these lost souls. So they wander the mortal realm, neither truly dead nor truly alive.”
Gaara frowned and stared at his feet, taking this information in. It was the first time he was hearing this.
“Gai-sensei said that because of their unfinished state of death, a suicider must pay a price to retain their existence. Otherwise, they’ll slowly fade into nothingness. And that price is decided accordingly to how they chose to kill themselves,” Lee continued, his tone hesitant. “I could smell dried blood on you…and I noticed…Naruto-kun has traces of a bite mark on his neck…so I started to wonder if you might be one. A suicider.”
Silence followed this statement, thicker then the one left by Kakashi and Gai. Gaara silently thought over Lee’s offered information, feeling the weight of the unanswered question and the rising shame in his own heart.
After a while, he sighed in defeat and closed his eyes, breaking the silence but not the tension. Raising his arm up, he pulled his sleeve down so Lee could see the faint scar on his wrist.
Lee rolled over onto his side, looking at Gaara’s wrist with more bravery now that the other hadn’t shouted at him or gotten angry. “So…it’s true? You spilled your blood in life, and now you must drink blood in death. Why, Gaara-kun? You seem so strong to me.”
“I wanted an escape. I thought death was the end of everything…I was sure I could finally rest and escape my shame. But…I was wrong…” Gaara replied calmly, letting his arm fall back onto the bed.
Lee frowned and continued to look at the other. “Was life that horrible to you?”
“My life…?” Gaara murmured, turning his eyes to the ceiling once again with a look of solemn recollection. “I can’t recall one good memory…My mother died when I was born, and my father silently blamed me every day for it. By the age of four I developed this power over sand…”
Gaara raised his hand up, a handful of sand gathering around it and flowing around his fingers like a river. “When I was young…I couldn’t consciously control it. The sand did its own thing. It acted in my self defense, but it took even the smallest thing as a threat. I had no friends in school. No one could play with me without the sand hurting them, and soon I was seen as a freak and a monster rather then a human.”
Lee watched the sand, before looking at Gaara’s face, “Didn’t you have siblings? One’s family is all the love a youthful life needs.”
Gaara let the sand slip away and again dropped his hand, closing his eyes with a painful frown. “Family love…heh…Siblings? …Yeah. I had those. My older sister went to college in America, so she was never around. And my brother…the sand killed him.”
“Killed him?” Lee’s eyes widened in surprise.
“Hai. Kankuro never let fear stop him from being my older brother. But because of that, he died. Not even my father knows…though …I think he suspected,” Gaara replied, opening his eyes, a hidden sadness in them. “I wonder if he hates me…where ever he is now.”
Lee refrained from speaking, allowing Gaara to speak as much as he pleased and let it out.
“But…in the end, the real reason that drove me to suicide…” Gaara murmured, his thoughts drifting to that autumn day.
“Gaara, don’t fall behind.”
“Hai, To-san!” Gaara piped up as he snapped out of his thoughts, jogging to catch up to his father.
He looked up at the older man and smiled happily. Normally, his father was to busy with work to spend time with him. But today, his father didn’t have work to do and had suggested they go to the park. Gaara had never been to the park before. It was huge, so he went around it whenever he walked home from elementary school.
And though it was bigger then he thought and very confusing, he was glad that his father wanted to spend time with him for once. A simple walk meant the world to the small child, who rarely ever had anyone do anything good with him.
Gaara’s attention wandered off as he looked around at all the red and golden leaves above and below and around him. Smiling again, he rushed past his father towards a few falling leaves and reached up, managing to catch a red one. He stared at it for a moment, realizing the leaf and his hair were the same.
“To-san, look! This one’s the same color as my hair!” Gaara shouted happily and turned to show his father.
His smile slowly vanished as he realized his father wasn’t there behind him. Frowning in confusion, Gaara held the leaf close to his chest and looked down the way they’d come and the way they’d been going. His grip tightened on the leaf as he slowly realized with terror that his father was no where to be seen.
“To-san? TO-SAN!?”
Tears welled up in his eyes as he got no reply. Gaara squirmed where he stood for a moment, before terror drove him forward. He ran along the path, looking around and franticly calling out for his father, each moment of failure causing the fear inside of him to swell more and more. He didn’t know where he was or where home was. He didn’t know where his father went, or how he could have lost him so easily.
Screaming out for his father, Gaara collapsed under a maple tree and curled up, breaking down into tears. He staid there crying, wishing his father would appear and scold him for running off like that. But as it started to get darker out and his father didn’t show up, he started trying more and more to remember where home was. If he could get home on his own, he’d be safe and not lost here in the park. And once he got home, he’d never go to the park again and would always stick close to his father’s side. He’d never run off again!
Gaara stood and hugged himself, looking around for anything that might look familiar to him. He started to walk down the path again, searching quietly for any kind of landmark while jumping from every shadow that moved. After it had gotten really dark and Gaara had almost collapsed and cried again, he spotted something silver shining at the edge of a lamp’s light. It took a moment, but he realized with rising hope that the silver thing was the edge of the playgroun’s monkey bars. He knew the playground! It was by the edge of the park, near the road he walked along towards home!!
Hope filling his heart, Gaara made a run for the playground, dropping his leaf along the way but not caring. He would be home, safe and warm and that’s all that mattered. Gaara ran along the road he always walked alone, heart pounding in his chest as the buildings got more and more familiar. He let out a relieved laugh as his house finally came into view. Completely forgetting everything that had just happened, Gaara ran up the stairs and inside the house.
He opened his mouth to announce that he was home, but stopped suddenly as he heard voices clearly from the study room.
“So you just left him?”
“What was I supposed to do? I can’t kill him. This and murder are two different things.”
Gaara’s eyes widened in shock, recognizing one of the voices as his father’s and the other his uncle’s.
“So dumping him off in the park is a good idea? What are you going to do if he finds his way home?”
“He’s never been to the park before. He’s probably good and lost. And if anyone does find him, I’ll be long gone by then.”
“You’d better hope this plan works out.”
“It will. I won’t raise that demon of a child any longer.”
Gaara took a few steps away from the door, tears welling up in his eyes as his father’s words echoed coldly in his head. His father…purposefully left him at the park? His father wanted him dead!? His father thought he was a demon to!?!
Stumbling as he backed up, Gaara turned and ran blindly from the spot. Tears streamed down his face as he once again found himself outside, trying to get as far away from reality as possible. He ran until his legs were sore and his throat burned, until his eyes stung and his heart felt ready to explode from the pain. Finally he collapsed in exhaustion and tears, curling up on the patch of dirt that had met his fall.
“Why…why am I so different?” Gaara sobbed out.
For the third time in his life, he hated himself. He hated his existence, his life, his everything. He wished that his brother was there to scold him for being foolish, but then he remembered that Kankuro was dead…and it was his fault. Just like mother was his fault.
Gaara felt shame and loathing well up in him. “I really am a monster…”
He sat up slowly, clutching his head as those words settled on him like the weight of the world. He was a monster…It would all be better if he was dead. Then his father would be happy. Everyone would be happy. Happier if he wasn’t there anymore. Even he would be happier…because if he was dead, he wouldn’t be able to think or feel anything anymore. And compared to the pain right now…that would be his heaven.
As if someone was encouraging his thoughts, Gaara opened his eyes to find himself on a dirt patch in a construction zone. On the ground beside him was a shard of broken glass, left behind in the bustle of work. Shakily, he picked it up and stared at it while a few unshed tears finally broke free from his eyelashes. His face hardened with determination, he turned the shard around like a knife and with a desperate cry, brought it down on his wrist.
To Gaara’s dismay, sand shot up and blocked the glass’s descent. Blinking in surprise and then anger, he jabbed at his wrist again and again. Each time the sand was faster, stopping him from granting his dark wish. With a frustrated scream, he glared angrily at the dissolving sand and the now broken glass shard.
“LET ME DO THIS!!!” Gaara screamed at his wrist, raising the shard again.
Sand flowed along his arm and wrapped around the glass, molding into a dagger of hardened sand. Without realizing what he’d done to it, Gaara brought the shard down with all his might. This time, faced against its own element, the sand broke away and the dagger sliced deeply through skin. Blood flew up and splattered against Gaara’s face and shirt. Stunned, he sat there and watched as his own red blood seeped from his very first physical wound.
“Was this………right?”
Gaara raised his hand up and stared at the scar. Had it been right? No…it hadn’t. Not by society’s standards it hadn’t been. But what else could he have done? He had been only six years old with no one that would have cared to raise him if his father and uncle wouldn’t. He’d had no one.
Lee remained silent, thinking about what he’d just learned. He now understood the moments when Gaara-kun seemed to have that look of self-loathing.
“Gaara-kun…do not feel ashamed. Though your actions were false, the fault lies in the closed minds and hearts of those that had surrounded you.”
Gaara turned his head and met Lee’s gaze, something inside stirring slightly when he realized the other’s eyes were filled with understanding and acceptance instead of the disgust he’d expected.
Lee smiled at him, not a toothy smile but a normal smile. “Gai-sensei said that a disadvantage to being a reborn beast god is that the person suffers in life. I am sadly disheartened to see a kind person such as you subjected to such a fate. But fear not. Naruto and I both our beast gods, and we ourselves know what it is to live miserably. With us, Gaara-kun, you belong.”
Gaara felt his face heat up slowly at these words, having to turn away from the other’s words and smile. He felt strange all of a sudden. The edges of his lips twitched upwards for a moment, before relaxing as he drifted off into one of many daydreams.
He felt calm and at peace.
***word dictionary***
To-san – simple a way of addressing one’s father
Hai – means ‘yes’
Shinigami – means ‘god of death’; has also been used in reference to angels of death; see anime/manga Gundam Wing (Duo Maxwell)/Yami No Matsurei/Death Note
***notes***
Gaara – wee! Yes…Gaara’s tragic life revealed. So now you all know. Gaara is a suicider, and suicider’s owe a life debt based on how they die. If they spill blood, they must drink it. If they drown, they cannot leave the water. So on, so forth. And Temari and Kankuro’s whereabouts are revealed as well. ^^
daydreams - since Gaara can't sleep, he spends his nights daydreaming. ^^
Sasuke, Naruto, and the others – I know. Two chapters aside focused on Gaara and Lee. Don’t worry. Next chapter returns to our dear, unfortunate Naruto. XD
***reviewer responses***
sharinganeyes – Thank you. I’m glad you like my little dress up flash game. ^^ And yeah…my fave thing so far is making Akutsuki Naruto, Pantless Kakashi, and Naruto style Sasuke. ^^
Artume – thank you, Artume. ^^
Nomme de Plume – Thanks and I still refuse to speakith of Itachi and Orochimaru. ^^ And yeah, I write good battle scenes, but you right awesome yaoi scenes. *loves all your stories I’ve read so far*
chenny – thank you ^^
--fie – Thanks. I’m glad my story pleases ya. ^^
bloodyrose – I know! ^^ Gaara and Lee protecting each other. ^^ I try not to make fight scenes to boring or longer then they need be. And more of Gaara in this update. ^^
ClosetEmo – I have to have the fight clearly running through my mind to type it, so I’m glad when I hear it runs well in others to. And Kabuto? *zips her lips* I refuse still to reveal the identities of the main badies. ^^ And yeah, I spent four days of winter break playing Twilight Princess and beating it. ^^ I love Zelda games.
XZanayu – Yeppy! Lee and Gaara protecting one another. It’s so cute. Just like their fight against the bone dude in the anime. ^^
CommGonn – Naruto’s hair is funky? Yeah, I suppose. I had to take a look. It’s made to go with the headband, though. ^^ Thank you. ^^
CrescentMoon Alchemist – Hahaha. ^_^ *poses with you* Thank you!
Yuri-san – lol. Don’t worry, Yuri-san. Other’s left enough questions. ^^ And that icon was cute and funny. XD *huggles Gaara and Lee, and Naruto and Sasuke*
Sama – I loved that amv. I didn’t see to much of how it fit the story, other then the music, but it was definitely a good amv. ^^ Thank you for sharing. And thank you for the review. ^^
mirandler43 – Lee’s character is so fun to work with. ^^ It’s Gaara that I have a bit of trouble with. ^_^; And your statement about being a hypocrite if you demanded speedy update made me laugh so hard. XD I’m still waiting patiently for your update. ^_^ And things will be moving back to Naruto and Haku in the next chapter. This was a planned split in the storyline to highlight Gaara and Lee, and it won’t be the last time. Though the main main characters are Sasuke and Naruto, Gaara and Lee are sort of like the secondary main characters. ^_^