The Games We Play

In times of emotional crisis Sakura always did one of two things. She would emotionally shut down for weeks on end until she was ready to deal with it, or she would act so impulsively it would throw her for a serious loop or cause her even more emotional distress. Having gone through both reactions, she was now on the brink of a serious breakdown. She felt she needed a second opinion on the matter. Someone to talk some sense back into her over worked mind. She tried to eat breakfast, to get food into her empty stomach, but her mind was so unsettled it caused her body to react adversely to the anything she consumed; which she didn’t mind too much since nothing looked particularly appetizing. She ended up throwing up everything she ate. Knowing she was reaching a dangerous breaking point she dialed the one number she knew could knock some sense into her.

Ino sat on Sakura’s bed eating the potato chips Sakura had attempted to eat but had failed. Her hair was not as neat as it usually was and she wore the same clothes Sakura had seen her in yesterday. She knew she hadn’t even gone home to change or shower after spending the night with Kiba. But as tired as she looked or even may have been, a true friend to the end, Ino had showed up at Sakura’s place within five minutes of her call.

“You slept with him?” Ino asked stuffing her mouth with tasty potato chips, her mind still trying to comprehend what her best friend had told her.

Sakura lay on her bed with a pillow covering her face groaning trying to hide herself, trying to hide her shame but failing miserably. Nothing could hide her from what she did; nothing could hide her from her own weakness.

“Yeah…” She said reluctantly. Ino made a sound of understanding but followed it with more crunching of chips in her mouth.

“I thought you couldn’t stand the sight of him.” Ino said shifting back on the bed leaning her back against the wall.

“I can’t.” Sakura said still not coming out from her hiding place behind her pillow.

“What made you go over there?” Her friend asked and Sakura couldn’t find the answer.

What did make her go over to his house in the middle of the night? What did make her go up those steps and to his apartment? What made her go inside when he opened the door instead of walking the other way? Her mind saw flashes of last night; his eyes, his touch, his smell, his kiss, his voice and she knew why but admitting it was just embarrassing.

“Him,” She said sighing and moving the pillow from her face.

“Him?” Ino said and the nodded. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Jesus Ino, I can’t believe I did that, I can’t…what have I done?” Sakura asked the ceiling and her friend laughed.

“You had sex with your boyfriend,”

“He’s not…” Her voice trailed off.

Was he still her boyfriend? She hadn’t ever really called anything off or even said anything on the subject. She didn’t speak to him, she didn’t accept his calls, and when she knew he was going to be at a certain place she would never go there. In all aspects of what a boyfriend was, was he still hers?

“He’s not?” Ino asked confused. “Does he know that? Did you tell him this before or after you let him fuck you?”

“Don’t say it like that!” Sakura hissed sitting up.

Ino took another handful of chips and laughed.

“Don’t be pissy, he did and you let him. Don’t blow up at me because you messed up.” Her smile faded when she saw the look on her friends face and put the chips back in the bag.

“Okay,” Ino said sitting away from the wall. “What is it that’s really messing with you? Why are you so upset about this?”

“I just…I slept with him,” Sakura said again still unable to really comprehend what she did.

“Yeah, and you’ve slept with him dozens of times before I’m sure. You even slept with like two guys before him, why is this time a big deal?”

“Because I didn’t want anything to do with him!” Sakura exploded. “I never wanted to even speak to him, at least not for a while. And after all of that, the first thing I do when I'm alone for the night with him is go crawling back to him. Don’t you get that? No you don’t because you never had to feel that, Kiba will crawl back to you before you even lift a foot to walk his way! You have never felt what I felt for Sasuke; I love him but it’s more than that.” She stood up walking to the middle of her room. She turned to her best friend, her eyes no longer able to really hold back all those emotions she had kept bottled up.

“I can’t stand the sight of him right now after everything he’s done to me. After everything…” She took a breath holding her stomach. “I hate him; I hate him because I love him so much. I hate that I can’t stand being away from him, but I can’t stand seeing him again with out wanting to cry. And the first time I am left alone for the night I go crawling back.” She let out a breath of a laugh. “I always go back to him,”

She looked at her friend who remained silent on her spot on the bed. After a second Sakura turned back around with a scoff, Ino wasn’t providing any insight to her dilemma.

“Why are you giving me attitude?” Ino asked going back to the chips.

“Forget it.” Sakura said waving her hand and Ino stood up.

“Okay stop getting mad at the world because you have human needs and emotions. Second, it sounds like you’re just bouncing back and forth from one thing to another. You say you don’t want anything to do with him, but if you really didn’t then you probably wouldn’t have gone over there last night.”

“Is that you’re idea of friendly advice?” Sakura said dryly, she hated it when Ino was smart and could read her like a memorized book.

“What do you want me to say Sakura? You’re an adult; this is you’re deal. I love you and I want to help you but I don’t think I can. I can be here for you when ever you call like right now but I can’t tell you what to do, you have to figure that out on your own.”

“That’s just it,” Sakura said calming down she knew Ino was right. “I don’t know what to do.”

Ino made a helpless shrug and put a hand on her friends shoulder.

“You are one of the strongest ninja in the village; you are one of the best medics around. You've got a good head on you’re shoulders, you just need to figure out how to use it all the time and not just on the field.”

“You know,” Sakura said going back to her bed sitting on the edge. “Everything in my head tells me to end it with Sasuke. This was the last straw; there is no going back after this.”

Ino joined her not saying a word.

“But then I think of last night and how he did everything to me. And I think about last month, and last year when he let me in and I don’t think I can let that go.”

“It sounds like you just don’t want to.”

“Of course I don’t want to, I don’t want to let go of everything I busted my ass to get. People don’t give up on that over night.”

“No they don’t,” Ino mused going back to the chips. “But they also don’t stick around to be treated like shit.”

“He doesn’t treat me like that!” Sakura defended quickly.

“Okay, don’t start yelling at me. Maybe you should be talking to him about this and not me.”

“I can’t do that.” Sakura said sighing.

“Why? Afraid you’ll rip his clothes off again?”

Sakura did not acknowledge that with a response. She simply continued staring at the floor with her hands under her knees. She knew she couldn’t see Sasuke again; what could she say to him? She knew he would ask why she did what she did, and how could she justify her actions? She couldn’t see him with nothing to say.

“I don’t know what to tell him.” She said quietly and Ino asked what she meant. “I don’t know what to tell him when he asks me why I slept with him.”

“You were feeding you’re bodies natural urges,” Ino offered but it didn’t help.

“That’s not good enough for him.” She said quietly already mapping out Sasuke’s questions in her head.

“You can’t avoid him forever,” Ino offered. “Especially now.”

“Yeah,” Sakura agreed. She needed to come up with something and fast because if she knew Sasuke, and she did, he would be looking for her right now. He would find her the second she went outside and he would demand answers to her actions.

“Are you going to break up with him?” Ino asked in a serious voice after some quiet moments had passed.

Sakura stared hard at the floor. What was she going to do? Her brain told her the smart thing to do would be to let him go, to say goodbye. It had already been too long and she had already been through enough pain as it was. But her heart remembered his touch, his laugh, his voice; and she would think twice. Her heart remembered her Sasuke and then her stomach tightened at the thought of saying goodbye for good.

“I don’t know,” Sakura said scratching her head with both her hands meeting Ino’s eyes who only looked sympathetically back at her.

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When Sasuke had woken up alone that morning he hadn’t really been surprised. When he looked around and saw all her stuff gone, he only sighed somewhat annoyed. Sometimes Sakura could not make up her mind and that was truly annoying. She had spent all her time back completely and utterly avoiding him at all costs and then out of the blue in the middle of the night she shows up at his door step only to completely vanish before dawn.

What the hell was she playing at?

He liked to pride himself of being an expert on reading people. No one stood a chance against him as he could always see the hidden agenda - he always heard the unsaid message. With everyone but her; Sakura was the only person Sasuke could ever be completely confused about. She would say one thing and do another, or she would not say anything and do something completely drastic. She was a mess of inconsistencies and it drove Sasuke crazy. He could never completely figure her out and just when he was sure he had sized up all her possible strength on the training field she would completely wipe him out. Just when he was sure he had her wrapped around his finger, she would do something to completely turn the tables and he would be at her complete mercy.

She was never completely clear with him. She always held back, she probably didn’t think he knew but he did. He knew there was always something she didn’t say, there was always a look in her eyes that showed something hidden away. He had never asked what it was but after last night he was getting tired of guess work. He needed to know what was going on. He needed to know where he stood in her eyes. She had run away from him so he had to find her. He had to find her and ask her and not let her get away until she answered the complete truth. He needed to know everything she didn’t want to say.

He set out to look for her. He knew her, she would show up soon enough as she was never one to lock herself in her house for a whole day. He waited patiently strolling the roof tops and then he saw it. A blur of pink and red running past just a few meters beyond him toward the tower and with out thinking he followed.

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Hinata’s foot landed gracefully on the branch high above the ground below.

In just a few hours the gates to her home would come into view. In just a few hours she would be home with all her friends and…her. She promised herself and Naruto (silently) she would never bring it up again. It was beyond them and they had certainly made up for it, but still in the back of her mind Hinata couldn’t completely let it go. Naruto had apologized to her time and time again until she forgave him, but would she?

Hinata knew Naruto was not the only one to blame, it took two people and he was part of it, but would Misako even recognize she was the other half? Hinata had made sure to completely avoid her at all costs when she was in town last time, never giving anyone any time to say anything about anything. But what would happen now? Would that girl continue her advances on Naruto? Would Naruto see them and push her away or would his kind heart play the fool once again?

Beside her Naruto lightly touched her shoulder. She hadn’t realized she was standing still in the tree tops until she saw him stop next to her. He brushed her fingertips with his, her eyes followed as his hand wrapped around her own.

“You okay?” He asked looking at her and she smiled.

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You just seem…distracted.” Naruto said shrugging. “Is it because of last night?” There was an obvious fearful tone in his voice and her heart skipped a beat.

“No!” She said too quickly and too loud. “No…no, it’s not that at all.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just…” She looked away from their entwined hands; how could she describe it in a way Naruto would actually understand but not feel guilty about either?

“I wonder if anyone will know…” She voiced quietly and besides her Naruto laughed.

“Don’t worry about what anyone says, you don’t have to say anything and I won’t say anything either.”

It truly was astonishing how well he knew her. It was even more astonishing when this secret Naruto would appear only to her and only when they were alone. He met her eyes and she reached up thanking him silently with a sweet kiss making butterflies swarm in her stomach.

He was right; she didn’t have to say anything to anyone. Not her friends, her best friends or Misako. No one had to know anything.

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After Ino left her that afternoon Sakura decided she had done enough sulking. After taking a long hot shower Sakura put on freshly cleaned and ironed clothes, she fixed her hair to near perfection, and even put on make up. With once last glance in the mirror she gave a satisfied smile and stomped out of her small one bedroom apartment to get her job back. She was a ninja; not just any ninja but she was considered one of the best damn ninja around! She had gone to hell and back, she had broken every bone in her body at least twice and mended it herself and without any kind of medication half the time. She knew how to kill a man with her bare hands and make it look like a suicide. She was Haruno Sakura; she was the Hokage’s right hand! Some prissy rich bitch was not going to bring her down!

Sakura’s inner pump was nearly gone by the time she was standing in front of her bosses desk. Tsunade stared at her in a way that made Sakura’s skin crawl, but she held her confident façade, at least she hoped she did.

“It’s not that I’m against you coming back Sakura, I know I need you,” Tsunade started. “Its just I wonder if you are really ready.”

“Ma’am?”

“I consider you one of my top ninja Sakura; I never had to worry about you, that is why I left you in charge of this recent situation.”

Sakura tried not to look away from her Hokage.

“So hearing my own apprentice threw coffee in a visitors face had me worried.”

“Ma’am I…”

“I just want to be sure you are ready.” Tsunade cut in calmly giving her pink haired apprentice an almost amused smirk.

“Yes ma’am,” Sakura took a confident nod and Tsunade’s smirk turned into a smile.

“Very well, find Shizune for your duties. I’m sure she’d be glad to get a load off.”

“Yes ma’am.” Sakura bowed and made to leave, thankful her boss didn’t ask to know anything about anything.

Leaving the room Sakura took a large confident breath of air and released it. It was good to be home.

With the help of office workers Sakura was able to track down Shizune at her old post. She knocked quietly at the door and didn’t even bother to smile as three faces looked up at her. Shizune smiled brightly, Yuna and Misako only stared. If Sakura had bothered to really look at the two girls she would have seen two very different expressions, but still on her confident cloud Sakura acted as if they weren’t even there.

“Sakura!” Shizune looked relieved to see Sakura and stood up. The other two remained sitting on the sofa.

“Hi Shizune, Tsunade told me to come help you lighten the load.”

“Oh great!” Shizune gathered some things from her desk. “Here is some paper work at the hospital, take this and go see May so she can catch you up. I really need the help at the hospital.”

“Sure,” Sakura said taking the papers and said a friendly goodbye to her friend and mentor and left. She not once acknowledged the other girls in the room, and the fact that Shizune was pushing her to the hospital to help gave Sakura the sneaking suspicion that she knew something too.

Decideing to ask Shizune about what she knew later on Sakura made her way back to her other old stomping grounds. She was anxious to dive head first in training accidents, children, and the sick. Maybe she’d even ask to work a double shift today!

The hospital was happy to see her and wasted no time in pushing harder cases to Sakura. By seven that night Sakura had probably done more in one day than she had in a past month. She was getting tired. She was depleted of energy and chakra but she was willing to do more.

“Sakura you should go home, you’ve been here for eight hours. Have you even taken a break?” A very nice nurse named Yuri looked thoughtfully at Sakura with her big puppy dog brown eyes.

“I’m fine Yuri, did you check on the patient in room 216?”

“Yes ma’am,”

“Good,” Sakura took out some more files waiting in the nurse’s bin.

“Now if you have the time please take some penicillin to room 135, and then after that can you please get the cultures from the lab on my poison patient. I really need to know what it was he ate in the training grounds, Tsunade would like to know as soon as possible as well and…”

“Sakrua,” Yuri put her hand over the folders. The gesture not only surprised Sakura but almost out right offended her. “Go home, go eat, go get some sleep. We’ll need you here before dawn tomorrow again.”

“I’m fine Yuri and you are not my superior. If I’m not mistake I believe it is the other way around.” Sakura put her hands on her hips narrowing her eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Sakura,” A third voice interrupted the soon to be argument and, now annoyed, Sakura turned to another young nurse.

“What?”

“Tsunade-sama just called in and demands you take the night off. You are to return before dawn tomorrow ma’am.”

Now angry Sakura all but threw down the folders and stormed out of the nurses station and through the doors back into the dark streets.

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By evening Hinata and Naruto were back home making their first stop for their debriefing. Hinata told Tsunade of her unfortunate accident, Naruto told her of his time with their contact and both fell very short in details about their offer to stay in the house that night. Tsuande didn’t seem to notice or care whatever they left out, as long as the mission was complete. She dismissed them quickly, going back to whatever she had been doing before they went in.

Outside they walked together for a bit before Hinata confessed she was really tired and Naruto admitted he was the same but had been too embarrassed to be to say so. He walked her to her house, or at least one block away from her house so her father’s guards didn’t see them. They kissed and promised to see each other tomorrow, then kissed again before she watched him disappear behind the corner.

She walked the one block alone with the weariness suddenly hitting her very hard. Maybe Naruto had been wrong about her stamina the night before.

“Excuse me.”

Hinata turned quickly trying not the jump when a pair of sad emerald eyes met hers.

“Hinata-san,” Misako bowed low and Hinata tried to say hello but was too thrown off to say anything else other than ask what she was doing here.

“I was looking for you.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to…talk to you.”

For a second Hinata was ready to turn on her heel and walk away. What did she have to say to her? But then she looked twice and something made her stop.

Something in the girl’s normally pretty face was sad. She wasn’t dressed in her tank tops and skirts; her hair wasn’t flowing behind her head, and her lips weren’t painted red or pink in a bright smile.

Hinata gave Misako a pitiful smile and took a comfortable place against the wooden fence behind her. Crossing her arms, almost protectively, in front of herself she gave a small sigh preparing herself for whatever she was about to hear.

“Okay.”

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Sakura shut her door gently and heaved a great big sigh inside her apartment. Okay, maybe she had been a bit snippy with Yuri and the others, and maybe she was over working herself on her first day back. But in her defense it was the one place she felt really good and she could finally forget about how her life was slowly rolling down hill.

As she exhaled the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Her senses went into over load and then she growled into the dark of her apartment. She did not need this right now.

She reached over flipping on the light to her living room. On her couch sat Sasuke, staring right at her completely stone faced as usual. She was both scared and frustrated at seeing him in her apartment. She thought about throwing him out, but figured it was Sasuke and it would most likely prove to be a futile effort.

“You seriously need to stop breaking into my apartment.”

“You don’t answer my calls and you avoid me at all costs in the street. I didn’t see any other way to get through to you.” His voice was like nails on a chalk bored.

“Whatever,” She turned her shoulder. “Its been a long day, I’m going to bed.” Suddenly she was tired from her long day and fatigued from healing and her stupid decision to not take a break.

“Sakura,” His voice chilled her to the bones. She stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around.

The room was filled with unanswered questions. Sakura had a gut feeling Sasuke wasn’t going to leave until he got what he wanted. No matter how much she did not want to deal with it right now.

“What more is there to say?” She said finally turning her head looking at him over her shoulder. From this angle she finally saw the circles under his eyes.

“Please Sakura, just let me explain.”
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TBC-
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AN: I know its been a while since I uploaded anything. I recently went through three different jobs and am beginning to organize for my move after Christmas as well as preparing for the holidays. I'm also designing some new tattoos for me so yeah its a bit busy.

Good news! The story is ALMOST over, can anyone guess where it may be going?