All In

Naruto never said a word about Sasuke’s departure. But guilt was like glass in Sasuke’s

gut.

“Naruto, can we talk?”

Naruto just shrugged.

“Okay.”

“Are you angry with me?”

Naruto looked at Sasuke with confusion.

“No. For what?”

“For sneaking out.” When Naruto just gave him a blank look,

Sasuke added, “Going to Sakura’s?”

Naruto looked surprised. “Gods, that was so

long ago…”

Sasuke was taken aback. It had only been a couple of days.

“It does

make me wonder if you want to leave Konoha,” Naruto said while Sasuke just stared at him. “You

know you can just go. Remember what Tsunade said?”

Sasuke closed his eyes. He might have come to

that same conclusion. If he had been Naruto looking at this, he might have wondered if Sasuke was, once

again, too weak to make his own decision and was hoping the council would make it for him and toss him

out.

He pulled Naruto into his arms.

“No, Naruto. Never,” he whispered into the blond

hair at Naruto’s temple. “I'll never leave you. I’m so worried about you. I just wanted to

talk to someone with some medical training…”

Naruto pulled out of Sasuke’s arms.

“You spent the night.”

“I…fell asleep on her couch.” Sasuke winced at

how lame that sounded.

Naruto just nodded, however. “It’s okay, Sasuke. But I want you to

know that I will do or be anything you want. Including gone. All you have to do is tell me.”

Fear

filled Sasuke. This sounded too much a like breakup for his comfort.

“Naruto, please just listen

to me. I want, need, us to be together forever. As far as I’m concerned the only thing that

will separate us,” he reached for Naruto’s hands, “is

death.”

“I will love you until the day you

die.”

"Our relationship is so important to me. I want everything to be perfect and to

feel like we can tell each other everything."

"Like what," Naruto asked

dully.

"Do you ever have fantasies?"

"Sure," Naruto answered with no

enthusiasm. "What is it you want?"

"Do you ever think about what it would be like to be with a

woman?"

"I've been with women."

"Oh. Well, I haven't. And I feel like I missed

out on something." Sasuke rubbed his hands up and down Naruto's chest. Naruto didn't look at

him.

"So I had an idea. I could have this experience, but still have you, which, of course, is

the most important thing in the world, since I will love you until you die."

"Did you have any

woman in mind?"

"No, there’s no woman I want in particular. How about you

pick?"

Naruto picked the form of a prostitute he had visited in Sky Country. And as Sasuke

moved above him, as the two shared what had always before been a treasured intimacy, Naruto wondered why all

he wanted to do was cry.

Sasuke walked up behind Naruto, who

was sitting listlessly on the roof.

“Hey.” He sat behind him and wrapped his arms around

the alarmingly smaller chest.

“Hey,” Naruto responded, his body tensing. “Did I feel

Shikamaru here?”

“Why, yes, you did.” Sasuke nuzzled Naruto’s earlobe, trying

to lighten the mood and get Naruto to relax. “He and I have been in a stealth

operation.”

Naruto turned and looked at Sasuke, his brow raised in question.

“You had

no idea?” When Naruto just looked at him warily, Sasuke continued. “Makes me feel pretty good

about my ninja skills that you had no idea.”

“I’m sorry,” Naruto

said.

Sasuke bit his tongue. That was all he ever heard out of Naruto anymore.

“Come. I

have a surprise for you.” He stood and held his hand until Naruto finally took it and followed

him.

Sasuke led them to the kitchen where they found the table laden with dozens of cartons of Ichiruka

ramen.

Naruto felt his stomach lurch and it was all he could do to keep from clapping his hand over his

mouth. If there had been anything in his stomach, he was sure he’d have vomited.

“Sit. I

got every flavor they had just to make sure I got your favorite.” Sasuke could feel Naruto’s

reluctance but shoved him into the seat forcibly. He hadn’t actually witnessed a bite of food pass

Naruto’s lips in weeks and he was desperate.

“So, if I remember right, Miso was your

favorite.” He kept the tone light as he opened the container, broke the chopsticks and wrapped

Naruto’s fingers around them. Naruto just stared at the food with a look of complete

revulsion.

“Naruto, eat!” Naruto winced and lifted his hand slightly then let it drop

again.

“I went to a lot of trouble to get this just for you.” Sasuke wasn’t above

petty manipulation if it would get food passed those lips.

“I’m sorry.”

That

was it! If Sasuke heard that phrase one more time…

“Naruto, pick up those fucking

chopsticks and eat!” Sasuke said sharply.

Naruto looked anxious, but scooped up a bundle of

noodles and put them in his mouth. He closed his eyes and swallowed them without chewing.

Then he threw

the chopsticks and bolted from the room. Sasuke found him leaning over the edge of the porch vomiting into

the dirt below. He retched and retched, though the contents of his stomach were mostly

acids.

“Naruto, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Sasuke held his friend who was

shaking and gasping. “Will you please tell me what’s wrong with you? It’s killing me to

watch you like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please stop saying that,”

Sasuke whispered. “Naruto, let me get Tsunade.”

Naruto shuddered weakly. “I’ve

already seen her twice,” he said. “She said there’s nothing wrong with

me.”

“That can’t be…” Naruto lurched again for another bout of

retching.

“Naruto...” Sasuke dropped his head next to Naruto’s and then he wept. His

shoulders shook as he clutched Naruto’s shirt.

“I make you so unhappy,” Naruto

whispered.

Sasuke’s head shot up. “No, never. You’re the only thing in my life that

makes me happy.” He held the other ninja tighter, suddenly afraid that Naruto would

vanish.

“Take a break tonight. Please sleep with me. Please let me make love to you. Or just let

me hold you.”

Naruto said nothing.

“Come take a shower with me and let me take you to

bed.” Sasuke was pulling Naruto along to the bathroom as he spoke, not really waiting for acquiescence.

“Let me make you feel good.”

Sasuke led their naked bodies under the warm

spray.

“Do you know that I need you?” Naruto nodded without hesitation.

“Do you

know that I love you?” Naruto flinched and Sasuke stopped smoothing lather through the blond

hair.

“You’re afraid of me?”

“No.”

“Naruto, what have I

done? Tell me how I’ve hurt you.”

“You never have.” It was true. Sasuke had

never put a hand on him with any intent to hurt him. Sasuke had never really even yelled at him.

“It’s me. You could do so much better than me.”

“How can you say that? There is

no better for me than you.”

“I don’t understand.” Naruto held his hands up,

looking desperate. “Is it the demon you want? Do you need my money? Or do you need me to protect you or

something? Because you don’t have to do this.” Naruto waved between them. “I’d do it

anyway. I’d give you anything, if you’d just ask.”

Sasuke didn’t even

interrupt. His mind was reeling in shock. How had they gotten here? Naruto’s money?

Protection?

Naruto looked back, expectantly. “Is that it? Are you afraid of some enemy?

Or…or…maybe I can just give you my money?" His face scrunched in anguish. "I don’t have

anything else to offer.”

Sasuke’s arms dropped to his sides and he just stared at

Naruto.

“Naruto, I love you.” Sasuke thought that was the only reason that mattered, that

the phrase explained everything. He loved Naruto. End of discussion. There was no ‘why’ or any

rationale. He just loved him. He just did.

But then he watched apprehension fill Naruto’s face

when he said that and knew there must be something more. It suddenly occurred to him that there were two

sides to that coin.

“Do you still love me?”

“Oh, yes,” Naruto said

earnestly, gripping Sasuke’s hands. “More than anything in the whole world. I’d do anything

for you.”

He got another expectant look on his face and added, “I’d die for

you…” Naruto stared at him wide eyed.

Sasuke felt Naruto was waiting for some kind of

answer, but had no idea what the question was.

Suddenly he’d had enough of words. He’d

learned long ago that words were nothing in the face of actions. He’d just show him. Naruto would

understand that, he’d always been a man of action.

Shutting off the spray, he pulled Naruto into

his arms and kissed him with everything he had. He was determined to make Naruto feel some of the love he had

for him.

Then he used everything he’d ever learned about his lover to bring him to arousal. He

tried not to let it discourage him that his efforts were only getting sporadic results. Naruto would start to

respond and Sasuke could feel him start to harden, and then he would deflate and Sasuke would start

again.

Sasuke realized that he would lose ground whenever he told Naruto of his love. Refusing to think

about that now, he just stopped saying it. Then he noticed that he couldn’t say anything about

Naruto’s looks or their future without having to start again. So he just shut up all together and used

his hands and his mouth to stimulate all of the sensitive spots he’d learned since they’d become

lovers.

Then he dropped to his knees and looked with longing at the now hard flesh in front of his

face. He held it before him and looked up at Naruto. The blond had stopped breathing and had a fearful look

on his face. Ignoring it, Sasuke leaned forward and took it in his mouth.

It shriveled between his

lips. When he looked up at Naruto, the blond had his eyes scrunched shut and his hands pressed back against

the shower wall.

Sasuke leaned back on his heels, his face blank. “I’ll be back.” He

got up and left the shower.

Naruto had tried not to react that way. All he could see was the last two

times they’d done this when Sasuke would immediately get up and spit Naruto’s release into the

sink, coughing and gagging. Naruto had never felt as mortified as when he watched Sasuke rinse his mouth over

and over until the look of revulsion left his face.

Sasuke was gone several minutes when Naruto finally

stepped out of the stall. Sasuke was leaning on his hands on the sink. His eyes were closed and tears were

dripping from his chin.

“Sasuke...”

The brunette straightened abruptly and swiped the

wetness from his face.

“It’s fine. I’m okay.”

“Sasuke, I’m so

sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. You did absolutely nothing wrong.”

“Neither

did you.”

Sasuke’s shoulders sagged and he whispered, “I keep thinking that I must

have, maybe before I can even remember.” He looked up at Naruto and held his palms up. “What do

you think it might have been? What could a child have done that would be worth two

families?”

“Sasuke…”

Sasuke turned back to the sink and looked at Naruto

through the mirror, his jaw working. “Neji loves you almost as much…” his voice broke and

he rubbed his eyes with his forearm, “almost as much as I do.”

“Sasuke.” Naruto

took a step backward, shaking his head. “No…”

“You could make a fresh start

with him.” A choked sob left the older teen and he leaned heavily on the sink.

Naruto’s

chin was quivering as he spoke. “I won’t beg because I need you to be happy, but I was hoping

that you would,” Naruto continued after several shuddering breaths, “forgive me and give me

another chance.”

“Naruto, I want you to be happy and it’s clear you’re not

happy with me. I haven’t been able to arouse you in weeks. And look at you. This relationship is going

to kill you.”

Some odd light filled Naruto’s eyes, then it passed and he said,

“Sasuke please believe that it’s not you. You’re perfect. I love you and don’t even

come close to deserving you.”

He took Sasuke’s hands. “Give me another chance to make

you happy. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I promise to try.”

“I wish you

could understand that your happiness is what makes me happy,” Sasuke said, staring at the

floor.

“Your happiness makes me happy,” Naruto said.

Sasuke’s lips thinned and

he decided on one last try at manipulation. “It would make me happy if you would eat and sleep with me

again.”

Naruto’s face blanched, so Sasuke pulled him into his arms.

“I’ll

accept the fact that you can’t eat right now, but know that I’m very concerned about it. But if

you’d sleep in my arms tonight, it would make me happy.”

"What's the matter," Naruto asked with trepidation. Sasuke

was sitting at the kitchen table staring at cup of tea, looking as forlorn as the blond had ever seen him.

Sasuke's mood swings terrified Naruto.

"I've been thinking. I will love you

until the day you die." This was the phrase that started Naruto's heart pounding and his palms

sweating.

He just sat in the chair across from the brunette and waited.

"Do you

ever think about children?" Naruto felt acid burn his throat.

"Sure."

"We are

going to be together for as long as you live, so I know that there will never be any," Sasuke rocked the cup

back and forth watching the liquid slosh over the edge. "And that's okay with me, it's just that

sometimes..." his voice faded.

"I want to try something,” he said. “I'm not sure

if it will make me happy or sad, though."

"Just tell me what you want."

"Could

you," Sasuke hesitated and Naruto tried to find a place inside where whatever was coming wouldn't shred his

heart.

"Just for a few minutes, so I can pretend, so we can pretend together, for a little

while..."

"What? You want me to henge into an Uchiha baby?" Naruto was surprised how harsh his

voice sounded.

But Sasuke seemed unfazed by the tone. "No, that would hurt too much. But maybe

someone pregnant with an Uchiha baby..."

"Anyone in particular? Or do you want me to pick

again?" Naruto snapped and stood.

"You can pick." Sasuke appeared oblivious to the destruction

he was causing, and just smiled. "But, like everything else, don't do this unless I ask, because it might

make me sad."

Naruto poofed. "How about TenTen?" He stood there, looking for all intents and

purposes like TenTen in her last weeks of pregnancy. "Or Temari?" He poofed again.

"You're

angry with me." Sasuke looked contrite. "I'm sorry, I only wanted..."

"No." Naruto slumped.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't get angry at something this...important. I know that I've taken this away from you.

I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm sure you've just had a bad day."

Sasuke got up and

came around the table. He dropped to his knees and began rubbing the rounded belly.

Naruto

wanted to run away as far and as fast as he could go. He wanted to stay and curl up into small ball and pull

a blanket of oblivion around himself. He wanted to stab himself over and over to allow the pain of the flesh

to obliterate the pain in his heart.

"Naruto, thank you. I will love you until the day you

die."