What the New Year Brings

Thank you for all the reviews! I love hearing from you!

I'll still try to update quickly, but just to let you know, this new year is turning out to be full of curveballs for me. First I was dealing with stuff with my family and now I have to find a new place to live. My rent went up. Way up. So between finding a new place and moving, my updates may become less frequent. But like I said, I'll try my best to update regularly not only to keep you happy, but me happy as well. Stupid curveballs.

Chapter 21-The First Time Sakura Comes To A Decision


There is a big difference between finding your nerve and keeping it. Your sanity.

Whereas finding your nerve takes time and patience and a bit of coaxing, keeping it once you finally find it is like...Is like...

"Me-YOOOWWW!!!"

Tora. Yes, keeping your nerve once you've finally found it is like keeping a scratching, yowling, will-gladly-risk-one-of-her-nine-lives-just-don't-take-her-back! furball of a menace in the arms of its rightful owner. And that drives you insane.

I glance over at Naruto and he's sharing a story about one of our missions with Madam Shijimi who is laughing uncontrollably at the head of the dinner table. She's taken quite a liking to him.

Friends with the daimyo's wife. Not a bad connection to have when you're aiming to be Hokage, but I know Naruto's friendship has nothing to do with political gain. His friendship is genuine - that's the only way he knows how to make them. That's why I'm positive he will be our Hokage one day - because he's loyal and true and trustworthy. If only more of our country's leaders were like that.

Yamato sits next to Naruto laughing and adding a few extra details to the story every now and then. Of all of us, he's probably the most normal, getting kidnapped and turned into a lab rat by Orochimaru aside.

At the foot of the table, Hiraku sits quietly looking windswept and miserable, but I'm the only one who really seems to notice or to care.

Mental note: Speak to Hiraku and preferably before the wedding.

I try to catch her gaze, but she doesn't notice or is purposely ignoring me. Whichever one it is, I can't really tell or dwell upon it because sitting across the table from me is the cause of my own anxieties.

Kakashi.

If it weren't for the lack of his usual slouch, any other normal person would have thought he was the same old Kakashi. But I know him too well. The improvement in his posture isn't out of courtesy for our present company. He's tense. It's the same way he gets when we're out on missions. One minute he'll be droopy-eyed, hands stuffed in his pants' pockets, the next minute, at the mere crack of a twig, he'll be "Copy Nin, Sharingan Kakashi" weapons in hand and ready to kick some bad guy ass. And that's how he's acting now - like he's on full alert.

I wonder, is he having second thoughts? Is he worried that I'm having second thoughts?

Am I having second thoughts? This does feel a bit rushed after all. We've only just started dating and now we're already ready to sleep together? And it's not just the cuddling and spooning kind of "sleeping together." Like he said, if I come to him tonight we'll be having-

"Dessert, miss?" One of the castle servants asks, pulling me straight out of my reverie.

"What? Oh, yes, thank you!"

Looking down at the plate just put before me, I see three pieces of manju. One is green and I immediately recognize it as matcha, or green tea. The other two, however, have the same buckwheat colored bun and I can only guess what's inside of them. Surely at least one is filled with anko, a red bean paste, but the other one...Well, here's to finding out. Lifting one to my lips, I take a tentative bite.

Ooo, well that's different - Orange!

As I smile at that citrusy surprise, I catch another. Kakashi's gaze. He's fixated on my mouth, staring at it with that same dreamy, far-off look he had when I sucked the powered sugar of my mochi off my fingers at the festival.

He's turned on. He's turned on even when I wasn't trying to turn him on. How 'bout that? Well, if he was having second thoughts, he sure doesn't seem to be having them now!

On a whim, I take another bite of my manju, this time looking him straight in the eye as I chew it as slowly and sensually as possible, going so far as to lick my lips after I swallow.

I see him gulp beneath his mask and his eye quickly dart up to mine.

I smirk at him.

He smirks back at me.

I suck my fingers clean.

He goes breathless.

"Ahem!" Hiraku gives a fake cough and quirks an eyebrow up at us.

Kakashi and I immediately stop flirting with each other and duck our heads in shame.

I stuff another manju in my mouth, but this time I do it so quickly and bite off such a large piece that my cheeks look like a chipmunk's cheeks full of nuts. It's SO the opposite of sensual!

Kakashi gives me a weird look. Hiraku gives me a weird look. Even Naruto, Yamato, and Madam Shijimi now give me a weird look.

I try to smile with my face still stuffed with manju and end up spitting out bits and pieces of bread out instead.

Kakashi gives me a weirder look. Hiraku gives me a weirder look. Naruto, Yamato, and Madam Shijimi give me a weirder look.

Goddammit!

"Uh, right, well, thank you for the wonderful meal, Shijimi-san, but if you don't mind I should really-"

"Oh, yes, of course, Kakashi-san, please! Big day tomorrow after all. Have a good night's sleep!" Madam Shijimi says brightly as she waves Kakashi off.

"Thank you, goodnight to you, too. All of you." Kakashi says, bowing to Madam Shijimi and Hiraku, then giving the rest of us acknowledging nods, but when it comes to me, his eye lingers a little bit longer than it should. There's no denying what that look means. Hope to see you soon.

I feel a sweat coming on.

I watch him walk out the door, go down the hall, climb up the stairs, and turn left at the top of the landing until he's completely out of my view. First door to the left. Got it.

When I turn back around, I'm glad to see that Naruto and Yamato haven't caught me staring and have continued telling their story to Madam Shijimi. Hiraku, however, is giving me another weird look.

"What?" I ask.

"You two are so obvious." She mumbles at me.

I feel my face heat up again in embarrassment.

"Yeah, well, so are you and your mystery guy." I mumble back.

Hiraku's eyes widen and her face flushes just like mine.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She retorts in a low voice.

"I saw you, Hiraku! In the gardens! Who is he?!" I ask while trying to keep my voice down as well.

"He-, I-" She gives me a panicked look, then..."I think I should be going to bed as well, Mother. I am the bride-to-be after all." Hiraku says cheerfully and a little bit too loud to Madam Shijimi.

"Oh, of course, sweetheart! What was I thinking?! Goodnight, Hiraku-chan!"

"Night, Mother. Naruto. Yamato. Sakura." Hiraku glares at me, saying my name through gritted teeth.

I glare back at her.

"You know, I should be going as well, Shijimi-san. I'm feeling a little worn out myself."

"Why, yes, Sakura-san! I completely understand! Have a good night!"

"Thank you. Goodnight to you, too." I say with a bow.

"Goodnight, Sakura-chan!" Naruto and Yamato smile at me.

"Night guys." I smile back at them.

I'm ready to walk with Hiraku and have a little heart to heart with her when I see her slip through a passage apparently meant only for her because as she smirks back at me, two castle guards slide the door close behind her and continue to stand watch. There'll be no following her or talking to her tonight.

Damn that girl!

Gritting my teeth, I quickly leave the dining room and blindly make my way down the hall and up the stairs. It's only when I've found myself at the top of the landing and have to decide whether to go left or right that I remember. Kakashi. He's waiting for me.

Okay, for most people this is a no-brainer: Go left, you silly girl! He wants you, you want him, just do it already!

But like I said, keeping your nerve can be a bitch. Or a cat. A cat named Tora who is coincidentally looking straight back at me with fear in her eyes. I can tell just by looking at her that she's trying to decide whether to sprint back the way she came from or sprint past me and go down the stairs where she intended to go in the first place before I spooked her.

I hold my breath and don't move an inch. Keeping my eyes on her, I try to tell her that unlike Madam Shijimi, I'm not going to grab her and suffocate her with my embrace. I'm going to stay right where I am and let her go, whichever way she decides to go, and won't follow her.

Keeping her eyes on me, Tora raises one front paw up and slowly takes one step forward.

I don't move, don't blink, don't breathe.

She takes another step forward.

I still don't budge.

Tora takes another step forward then bolts past my legs and disappears downstairs.

After she's gone, I release the breath I was holding and let out a sigh of relief.

A minute later, I'm standing in an empty room, looking at an empty bedroll in the moonlight.

I mean, after all, what had I been thinking?!

I'm so glad I made the right decision.

Behind me, a strong arm wraps around my chest and a warm breath whispers softly in my ear:

"I was afraid you weren't going to come."

"Sorry, Kakashi. I didn't mean to be late. See, I was on my way to your room when a cat-"

"Sakura...you know we've been around each other for far too long when your excuses start to sound like mine." Kakashi says as he pulls my hair aside to rain kisses on the side of my neck.

I tilt my head to give him easier access, shut my eyes, and respond with a simple:

"Mmm..."

Because you see, keeping your nerve is like a scratching, yowling, furball of a menace. We all have a scaredy cat inside of us. But if you hold still enough, the fear eventually subsides on its own and we can get back to where we need to be, whether it be scampering downstairs like we first intended, like Tora, or into the arms of the one we've been waiting to be with for the longest time, like I am now with Kakashi.

Sometimes, keeping your nerve simply means finding it again. Do that, and you won't feel insane anymore. Do that, and you'll be right where you're supposed to be.

To be continued...