Ridding Me of You

Author’s Notes: Okay. So here is the chapter that somehow explains some of the weird things that I wrote in the last two chapters. I hope it does clear everything out, otherwise… Well, I honestly don’t know what the otherwise would be. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

--Imaginary kisses and cookies flying around—

Disclaimer: Naruto no es mio.

Chapter 24: Kakashi’s Eurekas

The silver haired jounin cleaned the crevices of his teeth with the marvel that is the toothpick. This particular meal was a celebration in recognition of his unparalleled researching skills and flawless ability to plan things out so they go according his way.

That Godaime.

Kakashi rubbed the knuckles of his hand against the tip of his nose smugly. And she thought that whistle would be completely useless.

You see, Naturo’s whistle was intended to repress Naruto if ever Kyuubi takes over his consciousness and body by turning the gaki into a harmless kitten (something that the Sandaime had created for precautionary measures, since he was the one who practically took Naruto under his wing). So far though, none of that is happening and Naruto is not even showing signs of having Kyuubi’s level of chakra.

Therefore, quite a useless whistle.

What they didn’t know is it can be used to repress the teenager’s hormones—raging as they are. How Naruto lured Sakura to sleep with him was unthinkable. It can only be explained by the fact that the Naruto’s hormones were so strong that Sakura just got trapped in their net.

Kakashi believes that the sexual connection between these two would destroy them both. The insurmountable amount of objection that they would encounter, the possibility of Sakura being shunned if she turns up pregnant, the possibility of Naruto getting even more ostracized by the village—the list goes on and on, and the end result would always be ugly.

Kakashi would not have thought that the whistle would be a very effective solution to keep Naruto and Sakura from meeting their ultimate doom by at least making them stop feeling each other up whenever they are five feet or less apart. Had Sakura not presented him with her dilemma –to temporarily switch off Naruto’s infatuation. Kakashi wasn’t perfectly sure that it will work when the idea came to him. Despite this, he carelessly broke in Naruto’s apartment turned the whole place upside down in his search of the whistle and then waited for Naruto to return from his morning “self-training” (which includes going out for ramen, if he had okane and running laps around town with Lee).

Oh, did he forget to mention that he redecorated Naruto’s apartment?

He has pictures of his team, three different copies of each of them with him (in case anyone of them go missing). He took Sakura’s and duplicated them over and over again, then hung them in every corner of Naruto’s place.

When Naruto arrived and entered his apartment, Kakashi saw him freeze, drool starting to drip in the corner of his lips. Like in a trance, he went to each picture, touching them, his eyes showing the desire to get to the real one.

Before Naruto can sprint off to where Sakura was, Kakashi blew on the whistle.

In an instant, Naruto fell into a crouch, tore all of his clothes, mewling and started licking his hands (paws?). Kakashi pulled out one of the picture from the wall and paraded it in front of Naruto’s eyes. It garnered a glance, yes, but then was completely ignored. The blond circled him, prodding him with his forehead (nuzzle?).

“You want something kitty?” The jounin cooed, but was pushing Naruto away from him, What male in his right mind would want another naked male near him?

With one exception: where a female is between these two male (naked or not) bodies.

Tired of Naruto nuzzling him, Kakashi shoved hard and the #1 loud ninja skidded (thankfully) three feet from his side. With quick reflexes, Kakashi took out the female cat he has inside his vest and set it free.

It moved coquettishly as though teasing, purring mewling and flicking its tail. Naruto-neko immediately became besotted. He slowly prowled towards the she-cat (otherwise known as Mei-mei, something that Kakashi himself came up with), sniffed at the new comer and started to lick-er, clean, CLEAN, her.

Triumphantly, Kakashi dusted his hands off and once again, blew on the whistle. When Naruto came to, he looked horrified, mouth filled with fur ball as he pieced everything together.

“You!”

The rest was history. Naruto chased him. The whistle came to Sakura’s possession. \

Mission Accomplished.

This feat was easier than the one Kakashi went through when he was trying to figure out what he should get from Sasuke that can be considered as the Uchiha’s precious item.

The boy only has the most basic needs – underwear, everyday clothes, weekly stock of food, beddings, sparse household furniture with nary a personalized stamp in it.

Kakashi experimented once if Sasuke considers at least his underwear important. Boy, was he wrong. When he kidnapped said piece of clothing, Sasuke did not even question its whereabouts. When Kakashi stuck it up like a flag on top of a pole he carried with him, Sasuke merely gave him a non-plussed expression and commented (in a very loud voice):

“You like my briefs that much sensei?”

That taught him a very valuable lesson indeed.

Kakashi had no choice but to include Hinata in his plans. He thought of getting her panties but he’d rather not have an image of pedophiliac. Perverted, yes. But a pedophiliac? Not going to happen.

So, he had decided to snoop around and get some juicy details regarding the Hyuuga’s love life. He wanted to know what a Hyuuga will give to someone that they possibly have an affection for. Yes, he might be over-estimating Sasuke’s worth to Hinata, but nonetheless, it would be worth a try.

The first person he popped his question to was Hyuuga Hyashi. Kakashi didn’t honestly expect to experience complications doing this as the question is fairly easy to understand and relatively simple to answer. The way Hyuuga Hyashi interpreted it though made it a complex, double-meaning, gay-ship ladened inquiry that Kakashi had to battle with the need to smash Hyashi’s face in to make his nose look like a fresh tuna onigiri filling.

“What would I like to receive from someone I want and give to someone I cherish? Something that is considered of worth to the Hyuuga clan? Well, I hope you are not taking about me and you, toys of any kind, male to male relationship, flowers, chocolates or love letters.” Hyashi’s voice adopted a thunderous tone in his last words. He was so unrightfully indignant that Kakashi took every effort not to have a go at him.

“I have a wife and don’t you like those icha-icha books? Looking at young curvy women? Wait a minute. Don’t tell me you like looking at the male models instead? Ah, this is a problem—“

Kakashi did not even find the need to answer any of Hyashi’s questions. After holding the Hyuuga’s stare while the latter fired him question after question, he abruptly turned around and walked out. No, he didn’t care how rude he was. That Hyuuga has no right—No Right—to assume that the female body holds no interest for him. Icha-icha books are obviously reading materials that Hyashi are not familiar with. He does not have an idea—not a smidgen—of what it contains. The gall of him to think that there are other anatomical parts there aside from the shapely and luscious curves of a woman.

Hyashi is wrong, WRONG, I tell you!

Fuming beyond description was exactly the state that Kakashi was in after talking to that Hyuuga. He thought about ditching his endeavor, but felt a little embarrassed at giving up so early when one of his students is the epitome of persistence

Kakashi cracked his knuckles. He will do this. The gears inside his head creaked and groaned as he sought for another plan. His gaze flicked to his surrounding, noting each and every person there.

Couples caught his attention the most as they are the ones who can likely answer his question. Isolating the ones who are from the Hyuuga clan, and then the ones who are in a relationship, he narrowed down his prey into pairs.

Kakashi set his sights on his first target. Squaring his shoulders, Kakashi cockily swaggered over to the Hyuuga couple he sighted. Upon reaching them, he conspiratorially winked and whispered:

“So what do you give to each other?”

While he was waggling his eyebrows in a very insinuating gesture, a pair of palms slammed on his opposite cheeks.

“I’m gay!”

“Pervert!”

Kakashi staggered backwards, astounded at his mistake and the mistreatment that he received. How was he supposed to know that they are not a couple? One was a guy, the other a girl, laughing and basically enjoying each other’s company.

Two people of the opposite sex acting like that should be in a relationship!

Kakashi harrumphed. He would be more observant next time. One thing that he learned to watch out for from his encounter with the gayman is if the guy giggles too much, despite him constantly (feeling up?) touching the girl he is with, he is more or less of dubious sexuality.

Hmm, could it be that there is a new tactic for males to have an easy way of getting close to women?

Kakashi shook the though out of his head. Men nowadays couldn’t have been resorting to such desperate schemes. Konoha-men like him still hold a certain appeal to Konoha-women, right?

Right?!

Kakashi gave himself a mental slap. He is panicking over nothing and his plan is going nowhere. He needed to strategize and plan his second move. Asking directly did not work too well for him. What most likely he would have to do now is to spy on people.

Having no leads, Hinata seemed to Kakashi the best person to tail. She is always surrounded by Hyuugas, whom, for some, can be in a relationship, which in turn can give him clues to what he is looking for.

In an expected turn of events, Kakashi encountered Hyuuga Neji first, who proved to be more useful than his intended quarry. Hinata’s older cousin was bribing commoners of the Hyuuga clan from two opposite sexes when Kakashi found him.

“Again, you are familiar with the pledge of eternity/” Neji demanded.

“Isn’t it used only during times of war?” the girl asked.

The guy by her side elbowed her, “Well, that’s why he is paying us.”

“Okay,” The girl shrugged. “I know that you would need to prepare a lock of your hair and give it to someone you cherish so your essence will transfer to that person when you die.”

“During the great war of before,” the boy continued, starting from where the girl left off, “men who don’t have sons or daughters who can continue the line of their family, gave their wives and lovers a lock of their hair so if they failed to come back from their mission, they will have surety that the skills or any hidden powers/abilities they posses will be passed on to the holder of their hair. If they do come back, they would already have a person promised to them.

The hair symbolizes that they have surrendered their life to the possessor and the latter will be forever held to it.”

The girl immediately jumped in with her contribution when her partner paused for a breath. “If in the end, they could not be together and that man or woman had heirs from another, their dead lover’s/husband’s/wife’s essence that lives on them will someday be passed to the child that they bore. The line of the dead therefore lives in eternity.”

“You have your act right?” Neji asked again.

The boy waved his hand airily. “Sure. Where’s the money?”

“Make it real,” Neji warned. “Don’t exaggerate.” He nodded on the spot they were standing on. “Stay here. Start acting once you hear me say, ‘Hinata-sama.’”

“Would you be saying that in an orgasmic manner?” The girl curiously inquired.

“No!” Neji snapped, but then quickly gathered himself. “No. Here’s the money”

Neji took off to locate Hinata, apparently. He looked ill at ease when he presented himself to her, acting undoubtedly.

“I am worried about how our main and outer houses’s shinobis will carry on,” Neji said looking at her directly, serious and grave.

Hinata’s eyebrows creased at this. “It there a new conflict that we would have to let f-father know about?”

“Actually,” Neji artfully steered Hinata to where he had come from and urged her to start walking with him. “What I meant was how the line—skills, powers, abilities—of shinobis can be passed on if they are always on mission and often times are without families. You see?”

“But f-father always had encouraged them to take families.”

“But can you really say that they all follow How about you?” Neji argued logically. “Have you even thought about it?”

Hinata winced slightly and diverted her eyes. “Well…”

“Hinata-sama,” Neji said, reprimand on his voice. The timing when he had done this was so perfect that Kakashi nearly applauded at that moment they had arrived within the seeing and hearing distance of Neji’s two cohorts. It seemed like the actors themselves were in a stage, sitting on a bench, with wild flowed scattered on their feet and tiny butterflies fluttering about them.

“I have reserved a lock of my hair for you!” The boy exclaimed, voice nearly cracking in effort.

“You are going away?” The girl gasped, shock all-over her face. Her hands were clasped in front of her bossom, which in Kakashi’s opinion was a little too much.

The boy’s eyes took on a faraway look as he gazed up to the sky. “Yes,” he answered distantly. “I will help my family resolve a dispute and I don’t know if we can come back here. So I am pledging myself to you!” He suddenly bowed, hands holding out his offer.

“Take it!” he cried. Passion flowed in his tone and from the look on Hinata’s face, she seemed to have bought it.

All seemed to be going well for Neji as his victim’s attention moved back and forth from the scene before her and to the form of her cousin, assessing and probably thinking if she should follow the example displayed for her benefit.

“Please! Honor my life—“

“What is the meaning of this?!” The sudden appearance of Hyashi surprised all parties involved. Kakashi eyed the new development and wondered if this was still part of Naji’s plan. The Hyuuga prodigy seemed to be at a loss too though.

Perhaps not.

“Teenagers doing the pledge!” Hyashi thundered incredulously. “Unless you are shinobis going on a life and death mission, go find your senseis and give your pledges to them!”

The couple looked at him, frightened and speechless.

“I will count to three.”

Hyashi didn’t have to start counting. The two stood on their feet quickly and sped out of there like lightning. Hyashi followed them, probably to ensure that they will do as he had instructed.

“I can do the pledge to Kurenai-sensei?” Hinata said softly Kakashi nearly did not catch

“It would be better if you give it to someone clos,” Neji strongly opposed as one of his hands came to rest on her shoulder as though this would help convince her. Still, her indecision lingered.

Kakashi would not let this chance pass him by. He leapt up into the air and landed agilely beside Hinata.

“Neji-san, Hinata-chan,” He greeted and nodded at the both of them. Directing his gaze on the Hyuuga heiress, he asked, “Can I have a word with you?”

Neji, obstinate as ever, pulled Hinata to him. “We are still talking.”

Right now, Kakashi couldn’t associate the word genius with the jounin before him. Neji is being too emotional and if he was trying to be subtle about keeping Hinata attached to his hip from now till eternity, he is drastically failing at it.

Kakashi studied Hinata’s expression. He didn’t want to be so persistent, so he simply called her attention and waited. She seemed uneasy enough to be persuaded without much effort Neji in this state must be completely weirding her out.

Hinata lightly touched the hand Neji placed on her shoulder. Head tilted upwards, she told him warily, “This could be urgent.”

Mouth in a tight line, Neji appeared torn between insisting on his position, being irrational for the second time around and grudgingly allowing Hinata to go.

“I will need her for only a minute. She will be back “home” before sundown.”

Dark clouds materialized and loomed above Neji’s head, exactly at the same time that annoyance colored his entire person. This Hyuuga clearly did not like his last statement.

“A minute does not equate to a whole day,” Neji snapped.

“Niji-niisan, “HInata consoled, “I will be back as soon as I could.”

The aforementioned cousin narrowed his eyes but then directed his gaze to the ground. His upper lip tightened as he said, “Okay.”

Kakashi sighed in as much relief as Hinata did when Neji finally dismissed himself.

“Is there anything that I –I can assist you with, Kakashi-sensei?” Hinata inquired.

“Actually,” Kakashi crossed his arms and tried to look matter of fact. “Can you give me your pledg later?

Hinata frowned at the idea at first. It seemed like she is not entirely adverse to his request though. Biting her lip, she looked at him with uncertainty and perplexion.

“Our clan’s pledge? I was thinking of giving it to Kurenai-sensei.”

Another sign of relief left Kakashi’s lips. He initially supposed that she was going to ask questions about this. Her objection saved him from answering things he would rather evade.

“Have you thought of an explanation why you want to give it to her?”

Hinata’s fingers went up to her lips. “I didn’t think that she would ask.”

“What if she asked you to give it to Shino or Kiba?”

“I guess that would not be t-too bad.” Her voice stumbled a bit.

“Would you be able to continue training with them knowing that either of them possesses your pledge?” Kakashi knew he was about to break Hinata’s resolve when her mouth went to the side, most likely contemplating how uncomfortable it would be for her if ever this comes true.

“I have a solution for you,” He said reassuringly, with the infallible tone of a devil’s advocate. “Tell your cousin that you can’t give him your pledge and meet me in team 7’s training grounds tomorrow.”

Hinata jerked in alarm. “Tell my c-cousin w-what?”

Kakashi patted her on the head. “Do as I say and you will be fine.” After a small salute, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Yes, he realized that he left her high and dry, stammering as she tried to say her ‘buts’. Still, he didn’t feel like a bad guy. After all, the Hyuuga heiress could learn a few things from what he did. First, she’d finally find the gumption to stand up to Neji. If failing that, she’d discover ways on how to evade Byakuugan as she tries to hide herself from her cousin.

Works out for everyone, right?

The P.S.

Yes. This is long overdue. I thought of posting it sometime on the first week of July but I got buried amongst the pile of things that, of course, I had to do. Con mi esposo and mi trabajo, no tengo timepo (vez?). No poderia escribir en las proxima semanas porque dormire mas y pensare the things that would happen to Sasuke, Neji and Hinata.

I honestly don’t have an idea what they would do with the situations that they are in.

Lees y me dices lo que piensas. (read and tell me what you think?)