Double Edged

Song Reference: Apologize

Artist: OneRepublic

Lyrics: I'd take another chance, take a fall/Take a shot for you/And I need you like a heart needs a beat/But it's nothing new/I loved you with a fire red/Now it's turning blue


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"You creep!"

Somehow, her outraged snarl managed to penetrate his ringing ear. Kakashi grunted when her foot accidentally (at least he thought it was an accident) connected with his stomach as she quickly scrambled out of bed. His cheek still stung from getting slapped and all he could do for several seconds was watch in shock as Sakura went about snatching her clothing from the floor. It was the first time in his life he'd ever been so stunned that he couldn't move or think or do anything.

Hell, he didn't even know what he'd done to deserve getting clobbered.

Finally, his senses returned just as Sakura was jerking her skirt up over her hips. "Sakura, what's wrong with you?" he asked, watching bewilderedly as she pulled her shirt on inside out. Her bra was still partially kicked under the bed, but now didn't seem like a good time to point that out.

She whirled on him, her green eyes blazing with so much anger that he very nearly reached for the kunai strapped under the mattress. "What's wrong with me?" she shouted, uncaring that every tenant in the complex probably heard her. "You're sitting there, telling me that you knew all along … and you're asking what's wrong with me?"

He glanced away from her, trying to determine whether the question was rhetorical or not. "Um… yes?" he replied hesitantly.

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. Sakura growled and stomped out of the bedroom, shoving the door open so violently that it shook plaster down over his head. He heard her marching about in the living room, searching around to make sure she had everything. She was leaving. She was angry and hurt and she was leaving him….

Kakashi quickly grabbed his pants from the floor, throwing them on without a care that his boxers were caught in one pant leg, and hurried after her. "Sakura, hold on a second!"

"Hell, no!" she snapped as she slung her purse over one shoulder.

"Will you just stop for one minute and tell me what's wrong?"

When Sakura turned toward him again, her eyes were glittering with unshed tears. It did little to dampen the fury, though it did make his chest ache a bit to see. "You knew all about the books … and you slept with me!"

Maybe she'd slapped him harder than he'd thought, because he really wasn't following her logic. "Yes, I did," he said, hoping now that he had her talking he could maybe get her to calm down. "And you slept with me, even though you had ulterior motives."

"It's different though! What you did and what I did … it's completely different!"

He nodded slowly. "Okay. How?"

"You knew everything, but you still let me go through with it! Why would you do that?" she shouted. A tear slipped free, running down the pale curve of her cheek, and even now when she was clearly furious with him he wanted to wipe it away. His hands fisted in an attempt to quell the need to go to her.

"To be honest, I was curious to see how far you'd take it," he replied bluntly. There was no need to hide anything now that it was all out on the table.

Her eyes rounded in shock, and for a moment she seemed to be struck silent. But the fire returned so quickly it was as if it had never left. "You ... You wanted to see how far I'd take it?" she repeated, her voice trembling. She advanced toward him with a very violent glint in her eyes and it took everything he had not to assume a defensive stance. "So, what, you thought to yourself 'oh, hey, I'll just let Sakura carry on and maybe I'll get lucky and she'll fuck me'? Is that why you didn't say anything?"

"You're twisting my words, Sakura," he said, and he wasn't quite able to keep the irritation from creeping in. "And it wasn't like that. It was more of … a test."

The minute he said it, he regretted it. Her eyes hardened, becoming colder than he had ever seen them before. "A test," she whispered. Somehow, that soft tone was far worse than having her shout at him. Her fingers trembled as they fisted by her side and his eyes dropped to them warily. "You slept with me because of some stupid test?!"

He winced as the last was definitely screamed loud enough for people to hear. In fact, he could have sworn the footsteps from overhead stopped completely and the television down the hall went quieter. Not for the first time, he lamented living in a building with paper walls.

"That's like saying you only dated me because of some stupid mission," Kakashi pointed out much quieter, folding his arms across his chest stubbornly. There was a part of him that wanted to apologize to her for everything, imagined or otherwise, just to make things better between them, but his pride wouldn't let him.

"At least I have an excuse!" she spat out. "You were just looking for an easy lay!"

"First of all, you are not an easy lay," he corrected curtly, uncaring that his own anger was more than evident now. "One month of dating someone before they put out isn't easy." He ignored her indignant gasp and carried on before she could open her mouth and harangue him further. "Second, don't you think it's just a tiny bit hypocritical to be angry over me acting under false pretenses when the only reason you asked me out to begin with was for the same? You need to ask yourself, Sakura, what's really upsetting you: the fact that I omitted the truth or that you failed the task."

If the sudden stiffening to her shoulders was any indication, he'd struck a very sore nerve. Her eyes widened and the tears that had been clinging stubbornly to her lashes finally broke free in full force. She ducked her head, but not before he saw the raw, aching pain in her eyes. Without realizing it, Kakashi began to reach for her – just as she turned and hurried for the door.

"Sakura," he called softly, his heart lurching heavily in his chest. "Sakura, please."

The door closed behind her and all he heard were her footsteps rushing for the stairs and muffled sobs.

Kakashi's hand dropped to his side again and his shoulders slumped, his head hanging in defeat. She was gone. She was running off in the middle of the night, crying because … well, he still wasn't certain exactly certain why, but he was definitely part of the cause. Letting out a sigh, he went back to the bedroom and dug out the summoning scroll from his flak vest. He gave his finger a quick nick on a kunai and smeared the blood across the first seal.

Smoke swirled near his feet as Pakkun appeared. The pug's eyes were bright and cheerful, and his curly tail was wagging so hard it shook his entire rear. He took one look at Kakashi's face and any semblance of good humor faded into concern. "What happened? What'd you do?" he demanded.

"Why do you assume I'm the one who did something?" Kakashi grumbled irritably.

"Because you usually do." Pakkun's flat nose snuffled the air, and belatedly the copy ninja remembered they were in his bedroom – where he'd recently had sex with Sakura.

Scowling at the nosey dog, Kakashi scooped him up and forcibly carried him from the room. He set him down again once they were in the living room and dropped himself onto the sofa. "Can you and Bull track Sakura for me?"

Pakkun's muzzle managed a frown as his head cocked curiously at his summoner. "Sure, but why?"

"Just track her, please. Don't engage her if at all possible; just make sure she gets home alright."

The pug nodded in understanding and, without another word, disappeared again.

Satisfied that the ninken would do what he couldn't at the moment, Kakashi slouched further against the sofa and closed his eyes. Hopefully, she didn't misinterpret his intentions behind sending the dogs as an escort. It wasn't that he didn't trust her capability in defending herself, more that he didn't like the idea of her wandering the streets of Konoha at night alone while sobbing. And all because of what? The fact that he was just as duplicitous as she? Or was it that she'd not been able to pull one over on him like she'd thought?

This was not at all how he'd foreseen their conversation going. Yes, he'd expected her to be a little upset; he hadn't, however, expected her to go off like she had though. He was willing to admit that he was partially to blame for some of this, but he absolutely refused to be her scapegoat or allow her to play the martyr. She was acting like a child….

Which, in a way, she still was. She was only sixteen, after all. At the time when she'd first asked him out, he hadn't thought anything of the years between them, but now… Kakashi sighed heavily, rubbing a hand across his eyes wearily. Now he was beginning to think all of this – from the first date to having sex with her – was a colossal mistake.

His hand fell away but his eyes remained closed as he replayed the entire ordeal over again in his head, trying to see if perhaps she was right and his brand of withholding the truth was worse than hers. Maybe it was because he had a bias for his own thoughts, but no matter how many times he considered the matter he didn't see a difference.

That meant the only logical conclusion was that she was more upset over being found out than she was about him leading her on.

As relieving as that thought was, it didn't change the fact that she had stormed off in tears and was probably blaming him for every miserable thing that had ever happened to her. Sakura was a stubborn girl, and it was his experience that reasoning with stubborn girls when they were furious was a futile endeavor. He wanted to talk to her, to see if maybe they could make amends and just….

Just what, go back to the way things were? It was a nice sentiment, but he wasn't foolish enough to believe they could. Genma had been right: it was impossible to start a relationship built on lies and deceit. Even without the difference in their maturity being brought out tonight, there was the fact that neither of them had entered this with completely noble intentions.

Kakashi's eye opened slowly to cast a dull look up at the water stained ceiling. "You really screwed this one up, didn't you?" he muttered bitterly to himself.


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The door to the Hokage's office slammed open with such force that the upper hinge tore away from the wood. Jiraiya let out a surprised squawk as the sake bottle he'd been pouring dropped from his hands. Tsunade's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise as an enraged Sakura stomped into her office, jerked something from her bag and slammed it with unnecessary violence on the desk.

"Mission accomplished," she snapped before turning smartly and storming back out again.

Tsunade was out of her chair and hurrying toward the broken door in an instant. "Sakura, what happened?" she called. Then, when it was obvious her apprentice didn't plan to respond, she said with more authority, "Haruno Sakura!"

She stood in the damaged doorway for a few seconds longer, staring after her apprentice, before giving the barest shake of her head and slowly making her way back over to the desk. "What in the world is wrong with that girl?" she murmured, running a finger along her lower lip. It was a nervous gesture, one she'd had since she was a child.

"She's a teenager, Tsunade. The world usually is what's wrong," he commented as he leaned forward to examine what the girl had so unceremoniously deposited on the Hokage's desk. He grimaced when noticed they were Icha Icha books – and they were sporting fresh new bends in the spines. Foolish girl… She had absolutely no respect for literary masterpieces!

"I should go after her," she mused to herself, the worry apparent in both her voice and face. "That wasn't like Sakura at all."

"The girl just had her heart broken. Naturally she won't be acting like herself." He flipped the abused cover of the first book open and smiled when he read a very familiar inscription: To my number one fan on his birthday. May you use the knowledge provided in this book for ill intentions. It wasn't at all surprising to see they were Kakashi's books.

Tsunade cast a hard look in his direction and demanded, "How do you figure that?"

"When a young girl is out alone at night, uncaring that her eyes are puffy and in a mood fit to kill, it's pretty obvious she's been dumped." Well, that and the fact that Sakura wasn't the sort of girl who normally went around braless on a rather chill night … but for Kakashi's sake, he wasn't going to share that observation with Tsunade. She was already bristling over his deduction on the status of the relationship.

Hands clenching into fists and eyes narrowing into a glare that had him crossing his legs out of protective habit, she shook her head and growled, "I'll kill him."

"You will do no such thing," Jiraiya countered, reaching across the desk for her empty sake bowl. "What you will do is help me finish off this very expensive bottle of sake while reprimanding me for peeking in the women's bath again."

"Jiraiya, if that idiot did something to her—"

"It'd be partially your fault. You did, after all, tell Sakura to seduce him."

"I said no such thing," the Hokage spluttered as she took the refilled bowl. "I gave her the rules and left it up to her to figure out."

Jiraiya fixed her with a droll look. "That's splitting hairs a bit, don't you think?"

"The hell it is!"

"Tsunade… My point is, you can't be mad at Kakashi alone for the fallout. Sakura certainly had a hand in it, as did you if you wish to get technical. Storming over to his home to beat him into a coma isn't going to fix anything. It'd also be a sore blow to the mission roster. How much does he bring in to the village annually again?"

She scowled, but it was more out of annoyance at his logic than anger. With a heavy huff, she flopped back down into her chair again and took a slow sip from her cup. Her gaze slid over the books as he picked up the second one. "I'm actually surprised she managed to do it," she commented, a hint of gruffness still lingering in her voice.

"Mm… not to rub salt in the wound, but she didn't," Jiraiya replied, hefting the book in his palm.

Her eyes narrowed once again, this time at him. "I see three books on my desk, Jiraiya. Unless you cranked out a fourth one in the last couple days, it looks like I won."

Smirking in triumph, he carefully set the book down on her desk and did the seal to release a genjutsu. The book's exterior warped and rippled as if being seen through heat waves before the bright cover dissolved into a much plainer black and white print. He picked it up again, flipping it over to read the back summary. A self-help book. It was insulting, and yet at the same time oddly appropriate.

Tsunade's jaw dropped as he set the disguised book on top of the stack. Then, with a slight shake of her head, she chuckled and leaned back more comfortable in her seat. "There's something wrong when you can tell whether it's your book by the weight," she teased.

Jiraiya snickered, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "What can I say? I'm good."

She shook her head again, her amused expression shifting into one of concern. "I'll call him in tomorrow to have a talk."

He nodded, sipping his sake. "That might not be a bad idea. But don't discuss it with Sakura. Let her come to you."

"What if she doesn't?"

"She will."

The look she gave him said she wasn't completely convinced by his confidence.

Sighing under his breath, Jiraiya leaned forward and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Trust me, Tsunade. She will."

The Hokage offered him a watered-down smile and lifted her cup in a toast. "Here's hoping you're right about that, Jiraiya."


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A can went rocketing down the street and embedded itself in the side of a brick building, the two materials melding together due to the force of impact – all courtesy of Sakura's foot. She continued marching on, pausing only long enough to kick any obstacles out of her way while struggling to hold back the tears burning her eyes. Very few people were out tonight, what with it being cold as hell, but those that saw her were quick to get out of the way.

Stupid. The word kept circling her mind over and over again. She was stupid. The whole situation was stupid. But Kakashi was the stupidest thing of all.

No, not stupid; Kakashi was an asshole. She made a sound of satisfaction at the change as she sent a half eaten sandwich splattering like brain matter across another wall. The cat that had been lounging on the windowsill went skittering off into the darkness.

He'd known everything, right from the very beginning. Right from when she'd first asked him out. For the life of her she couldn't figure out how, but it hardly seemed important anymore. The fact was he had known and had simply let her continue on as if he hadn't. He'd made a fool out of her.

And for what, to test her? The idea sent a fresh wave of rage through her and resulted in a pebble punching a tidy hole through a door.

It sickened her to think that all this time he'd been setting her up. He'd purposely twisted things about, manipulating her into falling for him. Why, he was no better than….

Than her.

Sakura came to an abrupt halt and an icy sensation flooded through her. She'd been so wrapped up in how hurt she was that she hadn't realized the hypocrisy of her outrage – or thought that maybe, just maybe, Kakashi was hurt, too. Her mind raced back to the moment when she'd confessed to him. She remembered the way he'd smiled, how happy he'd looked. At the time, she'd been too scared of his reaction to think about it, but now that she did he'd almost seemed … relieved.

The cynical voice in her head suggested maybe he was relieved it was finally over, but she knew that wasn't the case. He'd been relieved to get everything out into the open at long last.

And she'd gone and smacked him across the face while accusing him of the very things she'd been doing.

She dropped down onto the nearest curb, brought her knees to her chest, and started to really cry. Hewasn't the creep here; she was. She was a creep and a jerk and just plain stupid for reacting as she had. Kakashi had been right. She wasn't mad at him; she was mad over the fact that she'd failed her mission, and she'd taken it out on him. The best thing that had happened to her since becoming Tsunade's apprentice, and she'd gone and ruined it in a fit of rage.

But what if there hadn't been anything to ruin? Who could say whether his feelings toward her had been genuine or just part of the act? After all, he'd never really expressed how he felt about her. She'd only been basing it off of actions and looks, and those were easy to contrive or misread. Maybe all those times she'd thought he cared about her were just for show.

Part of her, probably her stubborn heart, didn't believe that. She thought back on how gentle he'd been with her, how he'd given her plenty of opportunities to stop and made sure that her needs were met as well. Despite her lack of experience, she knew very well that wasn't how someone acted if they didn't care about the person they were sleeping with.

Then again … this was Kakashi, and she was his teammate. It made sense on that account that he would be careful with her. He was the sort of man who would rather die than harm someone close to him, and nothing was closer to him than a teammate. The thought that his actions were more for that than anything romantic made her chest tighten painfully.

She wasn't aware of the group passing by until one of them stopped and asked in a very familiar voice, "Sakura?"

Sakura jerked and very quickly swiped a hand across her eyes before looking up with what she knew wasn't a very convincing smile. "Hey, Naruto," she called back as cheerfully as she could after having cried for who knew how long.

The blond frowned and took a step toward her, which in turn caused Kiba and Shino to stop and look back at them curiously. "You okay?" he asked.

Laughing, she waved a hand at him and said, "Oh, I'm fine! Just got a little dust in my eyes, that's all." Truthfully, she felt like she was about to start crying again and she didn't want him seeing that.

Naruto's frown deepened. He glanced once between the other two boys and her before waving over his shoulder. "I'm gonna sit here with Sakura-chan until my stomach settles down. Too much ramen, y'know?"

Everyone knew that was a lie. When it came to Naruto, there was no such thing as 'too much ramen'. Kiba snorted and jerked his head at Shino. "C'mon, let's go see Shikamaru and Chouji wanna see a movie."

The two headed off down the street as Naruto sat down next to her, stretching his legs out into the street. There weren't a ton of people out tonight, what with it being a bit rainy and cool, so there wasn't as risk of him tripping someone. For the longest time, neither of them said a word. They simply sat together, her staring morosely at a puddle and him up at the sky. Finally, Naruto turned toward her and said, "We're friends, right?"

Sakura blinked at him. "Of course we are."

"An' friends tell each other stuff, right?"

She knew where he was going with this, and all she could do was swallow and nod.

"So … that means you should tell me what you're thinkin'."

Letting out a soft sigh, Sakura rubbed a hand up either arm and mumbled, "I'm thinking that I'm an idiot."

Naruto hummed thoughtfully, his eyes narrowing as he regarded her. Secretly, she thought he looked a bit like one of Kakashi's dogs when he pulled that face … and as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she had to close her eyes to fight back the fresh wash of tears.

He nudged her side to get her attention, and she sniffled as discreetly as possible. "Hey, hey! What's that genjutsu release thing again?"

Sakura frowned, puzzled as to why he was asking about techniques right then. "What, you mean kai?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah, that!" he exclaimed excitedly. "How's it go?"

Still confused as to why he needed to know (and, really, he should have known this one already; it was pretty basic, after all), she gave a quick demonstration of the seal and chakra required to do it.

Once she was done, Naruto nodded, waited exactly four seconds, and whipped toward her again with a shout of, "Kai!"

Sakura jumped, as did her heart. And when she saw his wide grin, she gave him a hard slug on the arm. "Naruto! You scared the crap outta me!"

He snickered, one hand rubbing his abused arm, and said, "Yup, you're the real Sakura-chan."

"Well, of course I am!" she railed. "What made you think I wasn't?"

"Because the real Sakura is one of the smartest people I know," he explained, his grin softening around the edges as an admiring look flickered through his blue eyes. "She may even be smarter than Shikamaru, an' she knows it, too."

Sakura gaped at him, stunned, for a few seconds before offering a faint smile in return. To hear him say that was really sweet, and even though it didn't help to cheer her up it still felt good knowing he had faith in her. She pushed her hair back behind one ear and shifted uneasily next to him. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Well, I am. An' I don't believe for one minute that you're stupid."

This time when she smiled, it was a little more heartfelt. It felt nice talking with Naruto like this; he was always so optimistic and he never stopped believing in people. No matter what she did or said, he would never lose faith in her. Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Sakura fiddled with the hem of her skirt and admitted softly, "I dated Kakashi."

She felt more than saw him gaping at her. It was the first time she could ever recall him, the loudmouth of their group, being stunned into total silence. Sakura waited nervously, barely able to breathe, for him to say something – anything. She didn't dare hope for a favorable response, but what he said next was far better than what she'd been imagining.

"Dated?" he repeated, his face unusually blank. Most of the time, Naruto was one of the easiest people to read. It was weird to see him so guarded – but maybe that itself was a bit telling.

Sakura nodded. "Yeah."

"As in, you used to date but stopped?"

She swallowed heavily and nodded again. "Yeah."

"Huh." He paused, staring off at the building across from them with squinted eyes. "So … who stopped datin' who?"

Her breath left in a shallow puff that fogged in the chilly evening air. She shifted next to him, her fingers curling together uncomfortably. Should she tell him everything – about the bet and her plan and Kakashi's counter strategy? She winced. For some reason, the idea of telling Naruto all the specifics made her sick with nerves. Not to mention just thinking about it brought about still more tears. Maybe later, when things had blown over, she would confide in him completely. But not right now.

"It's not like that," she answered softly. "It's more like … neither of us were who the other expected."

Naruto hummed thoughtfully as he considered that before his lower lip curled out in a hard frown. "I don't get it. You're both who you are. How can you be anything else?"

She closed her eyes and picked at a snag in her skirt. "It's complicated."

"See, Jiraiya-sama," he began, bracing his hands behind him to lean back and look at the stars again – or maybe he was trying to catch a whiff of ramen? "He says that's just somethin' people tell themselves 'cause the truth scares them. He says love isn't a complicated thing at all: it's either there or it isn't. It's people that make it all complicated an' confusin' an' – what?"

She hadn't realized she'd been gaping at him until he stopped talking. A smile touched her lips as she glanced away. "Nothing," she said. "I'm just shocked to hear you talking like that."

"Like what?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Laughing, she gave his temple a teasing poke and replied, "Like you've actually got a brain between those ears.

He grinned, and a bit of color came to his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Yeah, well … I'm a ninja. An' as everyone knows, ninja can be very deceiving."

She laughed again at his attempt at humor, bumping her shoulder into his affectionately. "Thank you."

Naruto's grin softened around the edges, becoming a smile she'd never seen from him before. It was warm but at the same time made him look a little older than he was. "What for?"

Sakura shrugged, hugging her knees to her chest. "For listening. For being an amazing person and an even more amazing friend."

Something flickered through his eyes then, so quickly that she couldn't pinpoint it. Her smile faded a little when she noted the barest tension to his features, as if he was trying to maintain a happy façade. She was about to ask him what was wrong when he laughed and exclaimed, "Well, of course I'm amazin'! I'm gonna be the next Hokage, after all."

Any worry that something she'd said might have upset him disappeared at his outburst, drawing a giggle from her. "And being amazing is definitely one of the requirements for the job."

Naruto flashed another bright grin and pushed to his feet. "Hey, wanna get some ramen?" he asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of Ichiraku Ramen.

Sakura shook her head, her nose wrinkling a little. "No, thanks. Besides, didn't you just have some with Kiba and Shino?"

"Yeah, but it's so good! You can't tell me it's not the best food ever."

She could … but she wouldn't. That would just be inviting an argument, and she didn't want to have another one of those this evening. "That's okay," she insisted, getting to her feet as well. She looked at him and her favorable humor vanished when she noticed him sneaking glances at her chest.

Looking down, she saw straightaway what the problem was: it was cold out and she'd left her bra at Kakashi's. Sakura scowled and quickly folded her arms over her breasts. "Do you mind?" she ground out.

"Huh? Oh! Uh … sorry, Sakura-chan!" A sheepish smile spread across his cheeks as he took a couple cautious steps away from her.

Sakura let out an irritated huff and fixed her arms over her torso more securely. "Never mind. Enjoy your ramen."

"Yeah, okay. You, um … have a goodnight, too." He turned and began trotting off down the street – in the direction she'd just come from.

"Naruto!"

He paused, turning back with an all-too innocent face.

She leveled her sternest frown on him and ordered, "No kicking Kakashi-sensei's ass. It's not his fault."

Naruto's shoulders slumped in disappointment as he trudged back down the street toward Ichiraku Ramen. "Okay, fine. But I still owe that Cyclops-bastard for hittin' me with tear gas."

Sakura watched him just long enough to make sure he didn't double back before crossing the street to head off for her own apartment. While talking with her friend and teammate had provided a necessary dose of therapy for her, now that he was gone she was stuck once again thinking about everything that had gone wrong.

She didn't like that things ended this way, but she supposed there had never been any other option for it. Both of them had gone into it with false pretenses, and the results of that were shattered trust, a ruined friendship, and at least one severely broken heart. To top it off, she couldn't see a way that any of it could be salvaged, not with the way she'd acted toward him. She'd been such an immature idiot….

This time, she managed to hold back the tears until she was inside her apartment, unaware that she'd been followed the entire walk home by two watchful canines.


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It took a couple days before Tsunade was able to finally summon Kakashi to her office. First because some unexpected circumstances had demanded her attention (one being a report of potential Akatsuki members crossing into Fire Country), and second because Kakashi had disappeared. It'd taken two ANBU squads and a pack of Inuzuka dogs to locate him.

Now that he was sitting in front of her, covered in dirt, nameless stains, and looking a bit like death warmed over … she wished she'd delegated some of her duties off onto her assistants.

Hatake Kakashi, like any self-respecting shinobi, looked after his health. She knew from past exams that he ate well, exercised frequently, and overall lived a healthy lifestyle outside of his addiction to Jiraiya's work – and even that wasn't much of a vice, to be honest. But the man sitting before her now was, in a word, a wreck. He obviously hadn't washed or shaved since the night Sakura had come bursting into her office, nor did it look as if he'd slept much either. Deep, enormous bruises stained the skin under his eyes, the open one being a disturbing shade of bloodshot, and he was slouching far more than was normal or acceptable in his chair. He looked ready to just slide off onto her floor like undercooked bacon and stay there.

"You look like hell Kakashi," she stated, hoping to slice through the near catatonic way he was staring at her desk by pointing out that she, the Hokage – his boss – was aware of that fact.

Kakashi blinked slowly, as if stirring himself from a dream, and mumbled, "That's an accurate observation."

"And that's an unusually direct answer from you." Oh, yes. The young man was pretty bad off if he wasn't even trying to play mind games with her.

He shrugged indifferently. "Is there something you need, Hokage-sama?"

At least he hadn't forgotten to be polite when addressing her. Tsunade took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she propped her elbows on the desk. "Yes. An apology."

"Sorry."

"Not from you, you idiot. I need to apologize … to you."

Kakashi glanced up at that, and some of the shrewdness she was used to seeing surfaced in his gaze again. It took a moment before he replied, "Thanks, but shouldn't you say that to Sakura instead? You were, after all, the one who put her up to it."

She wasn't the least bit surprised he knew by now. Whatever stink hole he'd buried himself in had clearly given him time to think things through. "Yes and no," she said. "I assigned the task, but I never instructed Sakura as to how it was to be done. Quite frankly, I was very surprised to see she'd chosen that approach when there were so many others she could have used."

When he didn't respond, Tsunade reached into her top drawer – the one that housed her sake – and pulled out three books. Two of them had been read repeatedly, as was evident by the worn spines, but the other looked as if it hadn't been used for anything other than a coaster. She pushed them across the desk and he leaned forward just enough to take them.

"I want you to know that the self-help one was mixed in with the lot when she came storming into my office," she informed him.

He nodded dully, his fingers running over the covers of the other two to inspect for damage. "I know. I put it there."

"Figured as much."

There was a pause before Kakashi, with his eye carefully lowered to the books on his lap, asked softly, "Have you spoken with her yet?"

Tsunade sighed and shook her head. "Not yet, but I will. Have you?"

Kakashi didn't reply – not verbally, at least. The way he was staring out the wide windows of her office spoke volumes though. It was a rare thing for someone like him to be so easy to read … but that was what heartache did to a person. Tsunade studied what little she could see of his face. Sadness, of course, was present, but there was also an edge of something she almost wanted to call fear. Was he afraid of approaching Sakura, or of losing her? It was difficult to say, even with his guard down.

She leaned forward, and immediately his attention shift back to her. "Kakashi," she began slowly, speaking more as a friend rather than a Hokage. "If there's one thing I know about Sakura it's that she's probably the most sincere ninja I've ever met. She thinks with her heart more than she's perhaps aware, but that same trait also makes her a stubborn fool when it comes to people she cares about. It also doesn't help that she has a damnably quick temper."

"I'm aware of that," he replied wryly as he rubbed a hand across his cheek.

"Then let me tell you something you don't know," she continued, putting a bit of steel into her words. "I've never seen Sakura happier than she has been for the last month or so. It's a strange coincidence, don't you think, that it coincides with the time you two started seeing each other romantically?"

Kakashi's eye widened, causing Tsunade to smirk as she leaned back in her chair again. "If you want my advice," she continued, "you're both behaving like idiots. The two of you need to get over your difference or risk losing something that only comes around once in a lifetime, if you're so lucky."

It went without saying that she was speaking from experience. Even now, decades (she hate admitting it had been that long) later, she still remembered Dan with a mixture of fondness and grief. Out of habit, her hand reached for a necklace she'd given away two years ago.

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama," Kakashi murmured, drawing her out of her thoughts, "but it's a little late for all that. How can we have something that never really started to begin with?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed, her nails tapping a sharp beat on her desk. "On second thought, I think you deserve to be lonely and miserable."

He sighed and stood up, signaling the conversation was done. "Is that all?"

She turned away dismissively. "Yes. You can leave."

The door was already closing behind him.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi didn't have a particular destination in mind other than to get out of the village. He let his feet take him in the general direction of the gate, and from there they had free reign.

It turned out they decided he wanted to escape to the Haku no Senju – an ancient oak tree that was right in the heart of the forest that gave Konoha its name. It'd been planted by the Shodai Hokage back when the village had been found. The tree had somehow survived fire, famine, war, and countless generations of genin pretending to be elite ninja in its branches.

It wasn't as covert a spot as he might have wished, but for now it was fine. He was alone and that was all he'd really wanted anyway. Kakashi summoned a bit of chakra to his feet and walked straight up the side of the gnarled trunk without an ounce of difficulty.

He had plenty of memories associated with this tree, both happy and sad. This was where Rin had given him his first kiss, where his father had sat him down and explained why the villagers hated him, where he'd spent the night after getting stone drunk for the first time. That last one he still wasn't sure whether it was a good or bad memory. He'd woken up with stiff muscles, several painful kinks in his neck and back, and with Genma spooning him. The fact that both of them were fully clothed didn't really ease the horror of waking up to the senbon-user mumbling drunken sweet-nothings in his ear.

And now he was here due to one of the most complicated breakups of his life. He glanced down at his bare toes. At one part of him seemed to know what it was doing.

Kakashi found a comfortable enough nook in the thick limbs to settle down in. Normally, he would have pulled out a volume of Icha Icha to read. He didn't really feel like doing that now. Sighing heavily, he let his head fall back against the trunk and closed his eyes. The sun filtered down through the leaves in green and yellow splashes, offering a little warmth against the crisp wind that set the trees to shaking. He could here the flutter and rustle of leaves as they broke free from the branches, some of them starting to take on the rusty hues of fall.

It was peaceful out here away from the hustle of village life, which was unfortunate because it left him with nothing to do but think. Seeing as his thoughts remained stubbornly fixated on the one topic he was trying to avoid, this wasn't as pleasant as it might have been on other occasions. Maybe there was a reason why people thought with their heads and not their feet.

Try as he might to redirect his thoughts, or clear them completely, his mind kept turning back to Sakura. She was the reason he'd been avoiding the village for the last couple of days. He could take her being angry with him. He could handle all the heated words and insults and accusations she wanted to fling at him. Hell, he'd even be willing to take her hitting him again. But what he couldn't take – what he feared the most – was her giving him the cold shoulder. Sakura was, no matter the circumstances, a teammate and a friend. It scared him to think that had been destroyed along with their relationship. And he wasn't quite ready to face that hypothetical yet.

It might have been cowardly of him to avoid the truth, but since when had he ever claimed to be brave – especially when it involved relationships?

His eye opened and his hand automatically went for the shuriken holster on his thigh when an added weight made the branch he was perched on bend. He relaxed when he saw it was Asuma, and part of him was grateful for the interruption from his morose thoughts. He lifted his hand in a haphazard wave. "Yo."

"I've been looking all over for you," Asuma grunted as he took a seat on the branch and lit a cigarette. "You're a real pain in the ass to find."

"The point of being out here is to not be found," he replied, watching idly as the other man blew a line of smoke up into the canopy. The sharp, acrid stench of nicotine hit his nose hard, even with the mask filtering it. "I thought you quit."

"I did … mostly. Cut it down to four a day."

"Kurenai must be happy about that."

"Yeah, she is. And it's better for my health anyway, right?"

Kakashi hummed in agreement.

Neither of them said a word after that, simply sat in silence with the leaves falling and the smoke rising. Kakashi knew why Asuma was there and that, eventually, the quiet would end. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He didn't like discussing his personal matters very much, but at the same time he had to acknowledge that he was in over his head on it.

The break finally came when Asuma pinched off the end of his cigarette and dropped the burnt out filter to the ground. "I heard what happened between you and Sakura."

Kakashi nodded absently. "Genma?"

"Yeah."

"He has a big mouth."

Asuma chuckled. "Yeah." He reached up then and unzipped his flak vest enough to pull something out – a book, as it turned out. One Kakashi recognized immediately. "Here, take it. It's yours, isn't it?"

Kakashi took Icha Icha Violence from him gingerly, hardly daring to believe that his stolen volume was once again in his possession. He turned it over, running a thumb carefully up the spine to check for any cracks that weren't caused from reading, and then opened the cover to make sure the pages were exactly as he'd left them. "Asuma … where…?"

"Found it at the men's bathhouse, stashed in with all the towels," the dark haired man replied, smirking as he watched the way his companion handled the item.

He knew for a fact that Asuma didn't use the public bath, having claimed once there was something really emasculating about being in a tub full of penises, which meant he was lying about where he'd found it and was probably covering for someone. Kakashi would bet money that Genma was somehow involved, but for now he would let it go. Icha Icha Violence was unharmed, so there was no need to kill anyone.

"Thanks," he said, tucking it carefully into his vest with the other four books he'd retrieved that morning.

"Sure, no problem," Asuma replied. He paused for a moment and scratched his bearded chin. "So … wanna talk about it?"

Kakashi flinched before he could stop himself. He'd been dreading that question since the moment his friend sat down. "No."

"Okay. By the way, Kurenai's pregnant."

"Congratulations." It was said with a total lack of enthusiasm. Not because he wasn't happy for them – he was, and he knew they would be fantastic parents – but it was difficult to be excited when one's life was in the shits.

Asuma inclined his head and said, "Thank you. Did you know that during birth a woman's vagina can stretch as much as—"

"The reason Sakura asked me out was because Tsunade ordered her to steal my books," Kakashi interrupted quickly. He would rather discuss his personal life than hear Asuma talk about gynecological issues – especially his wife's gynecological issues.

The other man nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing in thought. "So that's what you and Genma were whispering about at the genin observation a while back?"

Kakashi sighed. "Yeah."

"If you knew that, then why did you say yes?"

"Because it was an opportunity to demonstrate the hazards of a seduction mission."

Asuma stiffened and a hard gleam entered his eyes. "Let me get this straight," he said, speaking slowly and as if he was fighting the urge to chuck his friend out of the tree. "Sakura asked you out in order to seduce the books off of you, and you, rather than confront her on this, decided to play along to teach her a lesson?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds a lot worse than it actually is."

"Then you've got a seriously warped sense of good and bad," the other man snapped back. He sighed, shaking his head. "Damn, Kakashi… I can't say as I approve, but that hardly matters now, does it?"

Kakashi shook his head and murmured, "Not really."

"So … what happened, the plan backfired when you told her?"

He didn't answer, but apparently his silence was the answer Asuma needed. The dark haired man shook his head pityingly and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Genma told you to keep silent on it, didn't he?"

"Actually, no," he corrected. "He suggested I tell her."

Asuma's brows rose in surprise at that. "Well, damn. Who knew Genma was so wise? Shizune must be doing a bang-up job retraining him then."

Kakashi offered a weak smile and said, "Guess so."

Once again, the conversation hit a lull as Kakashi stared up at the swaying leaves and Asuma peeled sections of dried bark from the tree. After a minute or so, the dark haired man looked up and quietly asked, "Do you love her."

Slowly, Kakashi looked shifted his gaze from the overhead view to meet the other's gaze steadily. "Yes," he admitted, so softly that Asuma had to lean forward to catch it. He sighed and broke eye contact to stare off at a cluster of pine trees across from them. "That's the problem though. There are so many reasons why I can't and shouldn't."

"Okay, I'll play along," Asuma said, plucking a leaf from midair as it was drifting downward. "Gimme the rundown."

That was easy to do. He'd been thinking about all the reasons for quite some time now. "Maturity level and age are at the top. Not to mention it'd be unfair to lock her down with someone like me."

"How do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Asuma. Every ninja in this village knows that any day we might receive The Mission."

"The Mission" was how many of the older, more jaded ninja referred to the ones that people didn't return from – at least not alive.

Asuma snorted and gave a dismissive shake of his head. "So, what, you don't want to make it work with her because of a job hazard? Hate to break it to you, Kakashi, but that same risk works in reverse." He paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Unless the reverse is what you're actually afraid of?"

Kakashi resisted the urge to fidget. Until Asuma had said it, he hadn't really considered that aspect, but now that he was it was yet another reason why this was a bad idea.

Unaware that the list had grown just a little longer, the dark haired man added, "Besides, don't you think that's her decision to make?"

"Sakura thinks too much with her heart," he argued. "She'll pick what she wants at the time, not what she needs."

"Okay, then what does she need if not someone who loves her and who wanders out into the middle of the forest to sit in a tree and worry that someday one of them won't come back?"

Kakashi closed his eye and wondered how Asuma would react if he just transported himself out of there. Chances were, he'd hunt him down again just to continue the conversation. He was persistent like that. "What she needs," he said, the words practically dragging themselves from his throat, "is someone reliable. Someone who doesn't lie to her."

He heard Asuma let out a heavy sigh and felt the branch bounce as he shifted positions. "Reliable, I'll give you. That's standard for almost every person in the world. But someone who doesn't lie… She lied as well, Kakashi. Lying isn't good, but it's human."

He nodded once, conceding the point.

"Look," Asuma continued patiently, "The fact of the matter is that Genma was right. You should have told her sooner. You can't start a relationship where both parties are lying and in it for anything but each other. But as long as there's real, honest feelings involved … maybe it can be restarted."

It was a nice idea, and secretly he still clung to the hope that it could happen, but Asuma hadn't been there when she'd run off. He hadn't seen the hurt and betrayal in her eyes. He didn't know Sakura and how mulish she could be, especially when hurt. Kakashi took a deep breath and let it out, opening his eye again. "I don't see how that's possible. Things went pretty far south."

The dark haired man shrugged unperturbed and said, "Well, if it's worth fighting over, then it's worth fighting for, right?"

Kakashi's hands stilled in shredding a yellowed leaf. "That sounds like a lot of fighting."

Asuma chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, maybe. But think about all the amazing make-up sex you guys'll have. Besides, every shinobi has a touch of masochism in them. Why else are we in this profession?"

"Fair enough." He did like the idea of make-up sex, even more so if it involved Sakura. Still though… "I'm not so sure Sakura is willing though. She was pretty upset. Pakkun said she cried all night."

"Hey, it's your call. You know her better than I do, after all. But if you don't fight for it, you'll never know whether it could have worked."

Kakashi regarded him then, a little impressed to hear his friend talk like that. Asuma was a smart man, but he wasn't what one would term 'wise'. "I see Genma's not the only one getting schooled," he joked, smiling faintly.

"That's some damn good advice, you know," Asuma fired back, his dark eyes sparking with humor. "You should be grateful I'm sharing it with you."

He hesitated a moment before meeting the other's gaze and murmuring, "Thank you." And he meant it, too – sincerely so. He didn't have many close friends, but Asuma was certainly one of them.

Asuma smiled and pushed to his feet, clapping a friendly hand to Kakashi's shoulder. "No problem. FYI, Sakura is having lunch with Ino right now at that vegan place near Ichiraku."

"Okay."

"Oh, and one more thing: avoid Rock Lee at all costs. I heard something about him wanting to challenge you to restore the power and beauty of love or something like that."

Kakashi cringed and nodded. "Thanks for the warning."

Where Lee was, Gai was undoubtedly nearby. The last thing he wanted was to get tag teamed by a duo of spandex-clad taijutsu experts.

Asuma gave his back a good stretch, groaning as his joints popped. "You should come over for dinner on Sunday. Kurenai found a new chicken recipe she wants to try."

"What time?"

"Six. You can bring company, if you want. She won't mind." With a final grin, he leapt off the tree branch, thudding heavily as he hit the ground. A cloud of recently fallen leaves puffed upward around him from the impact, swirling in agitated spirals in the air.

Kakashi waited until he could just barely make out Asuma's silhouette before standing and walking back down the tree trunk again. He had a sudden craving for mung beans that needed satisfying.