Spiral Falling

Title: Spiral Falling
Author: BeccaAmon
Genre: AU
Pairings: Naruto x Sasuke x Naruto
Warnings: Shounen ai, yaoi, lemon, language
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
AN: Un-beta’d. Thank you for being patient. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 24 – Rumors: encounters are merely future farewells

Blue eyes slid open in the dim room, lit only by streetlights outside. Naruto gazed at the empty spot beside him, his eyes narrowed, hands drawing into fists. He pushed himself off the bed, striding to the washroom to brush his teeth, to wash Sasuke's taste from his mouth. He turned on the shower--cursed when the water was still cold--and washed dried sweat and cum off his body. Drying quickly, he re-entered his bedroom and stared at the sheets that he knew smelled of Sasuke, smelled like them. He put on some clothes and then grabbed a set of linens from the closet and a pillow off the bed. In the living room, he covered the couch with the blankets and threw himself onto the cushioned seats.

Naruto gazed at the card-strewn floor and reached for a random card. Bringing it up to the light, a Joker laughed at him. He snorted, flicking the card into the air and closed his eyes before he saw where it had landed.

"There's no way I'm losing sleep over that idiot." He muttered into his pillow. Inhaling deeply, he smelled Sasuke's shampoo. He had grabbed the wrong pillow. "Fuck." And he slept.


The morning wasn’t any kinder than his fitful sleep had been. The traffic was too noisy, the people too irritating, hauling with them tired spirits that did not look forward to yet another routine day. In his rush to catch the train, his foot slipped off a step and banged his knee against the concrete floor. No one stopped to help, to ask if he was alright. They simply moved around him, some even grunted in annoyance at having his body block the flow of traffic. They had lost two seconds of their life because of him, he may have made them late.

At school, among his friends, the spot beside him was occupied by someone else. Not by Sasuke. After a briefly shared kiss at the hall, Sasuke had disappeared for the day. The kiss had been flat, one-sided.

“If you brood anymore, Naruto, you’ll start to resemble Sasuke-kun.”

Naruto sat up straight, accidentally jostling Kiba’s side, making him spill his drink on his shirt.

“Damn Naruto! That was my last clean shirt!”

Naruto ducked his head, grinning guiltily. “Sorry, man.”

Seeming at a loss, probably expecting huffing denial and a provocation to fight, Kiba blinked wordlessly and then shrugged his shoulders. “It’s alright. I’ll just steal one of Shino’s.”

“Anyways,” Sakura sat down at Naruto’s other side, her fingers combing through his messy hair, always trying to tame the wildness. “What’s bugging you?”

Naruto dredged up a wide smile, his cheeks pulling painfully. “Nothing, Sakura-chan. Can’t a guy be quiet without being asked if something was wrong?”

Sakura fisted her fingers in his hair–eyes narrowing knowingly--and pulled his head toward hers. So they were eye to eye. “Don’t lie to me, Uzumaki. Now tell me.”

She pulled his head down further until it rested on her lap and her fingers where soothingly raking through his blond hair. He protested and tried to get up, only to have her press the side of his head against her thighs harder.

“Stay!”

He froze, surprised he had responded to her commanding tone. Surrendering, because he knew she could be stubborn when she decided, he sagged against her and tried not to feel uncomfortable at the uncomfortable position.

“So, why the long face?” She asked cheerfully. He began to suspect that she was enjoying this too much.

“No reason.” Naruto answered noncommittally, succeeding an awkward shrug despite his odd position. “It’s just one of those days, you know?”

She hummed, agreeing. “Yeah, I know how that is. I woke up late today and found out my favorite shirt was in the wash and then I couldn’t find my lip-gloss, the cherry flavored one. You remember which one that was right?” He nodded, encouragingly. “Yeah, anyways, I was sure I had put it in my make-up case and…”

He listened to her prattle on about her morning, taking note of a few things. But mostly thankful she could be easily distracted. He slid his eyes close and was lulled into a half-daze. He heard the conversations around him, merging into buzzing white noise. Beside him he felt Kiba move closer, he heard Shino join the group. Shino was a member of the student council, he felt he should ask after Sasuke, but several minutes passed and he had yet to even say ‘hello’.

Sakura’s fingers raking through his hair felt nice. Once in awhile she would twist a lock of his hair around her fingers or massage circles against his scalp. ‘She would have been a cool girlfriend’, he thought, someone easy to read, easy to talk to. He wondered who she liked now, if she still had a crush on Sasuke or if she found someone new. Someone like Lee, who would also be easy to read and she would be able talk to him and he to her, easily.

Sasuke was difficult to figure out. It’s like looking too far for what one sought, when all that was needed was to look beside or within. He didn’t want to think about it, but the events of the night before had bothered him. It wasn’t fair to be abandoned, to be left behind. It wasn’t a nice feeling. It was a terrible feeling. It was like choking with no reprieve in sight, it felt empty. Like that morning’s kiss.

“Maybe you should talk to him.”

Naruto was startled out of his semi-daze, Sakura’s suggestion coming back to him.

“What?”

Sakura bent over him--he looked up--, blocking his light. She whispered and he smelled her bubble-gum breath and her cherry flavored lip-gloss. Her hair tickled his cheek and she bent lower still.

“I get worried when you get quiet.” She said, smiling softly. “I get worried when he smiles and tells me everything’s alright.”

His eyes widened, giving it away that he was bothered, but no longer caring that she knew. He pushed himself up and off her soft, kilt-clad thighs, away from her cloying feminine fragrance. She relented her hold on him, clutching her arms to her chest as she was prone to do. He got off his seat, grabbed his bag and almost ran to the cafeteria’s exit if it wasn’t for the room monitor’s warning glance.

Once he was out of the cafeteria, he strode quickly to the stairs and then took the steps two at a time. He reached the student council’s room and knocked on the closed door. A voice granted him entry and he slid the door open. There were desks, messy or organized, bare or cluttered. File cabinets, binders on shelves, and a lonely plant by the paper shredder. Tenten stood by the window, sunlight highlighting her features, softening her. Neji stood by the water cooler, fetching himself a drink. He glanced at Naruto curiously, asking with a raised eyebrow what he needed.

“Do you know where--” Naruto paused, thinking of another place Sasuke might be. He shook his head, grinning and then waved away their inquiring looks. “Ahh…Forget it. I think I know.” He left them in bewilderment and trotted to the library. He looked up at the hallway clock, noting lunch period was almost over. Swinging the creaking doors to the library open, he went straight to the stairs not even bothering to glance through the main floor.

“Sasuke?” Naruto called, listening for a response or any tell-tale sound.

He walked into the place they often occupied, at the corner of the large room, hidden by aged books and sagging shelves. The place was empty.

He sighed and walked to the desk, hooked the leg of the chair with his foot and slumped onto the seat. His eyebrows furrowed. The seat was warm. He growled under his breath, annoyed at being avoided.

“Asshole.”

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and kicked at a nearby chair viciously--the sound thunderous in the silent room-- favoring the anger instead of the hurt. When the school bell chimed, indicating the end of the lunch period, he didn’t move from his seat. He simmered a little more and then dragged himself to his next class. He didn’t see Sasuke for the rest of the day.

Sakura had invited him to go out with them after school because he looked like he needed to lighten up. Even Ino had threatened to drag him if she had to. He hadn’t meant to flinch away from her touch or to snap at Sakura when she had asked him if he had been alright. He hadn’t meant to tell her to stop worrying over him like she knew what had been going on. He hadn’t meant to storm off and shove Shikamaru aside when he probably only wanted to help.


He walked up to his usual spot to wait for the train and already he knew they had noticed him. The giggling was louder today. The air seemed ripe with excitement. He couldn’t help but sigh in mild frustration. It wasn’t the best day to deal with a bunch of over-excited girls and their silly crush.

"Give him the letter already. Quit stalling!" One friend encouraged another.

A succession of nervous talk ensued and then more giggling. His fingers began to idly tap against his side, asking for some form of intervention. Naruto hoped the train arrived soon. He was getting suspicious of the looks he was receiving from the girls and Ran who glared at his arrival, looked like her patience was being pushed to its limits.

"Go on! Do it already. The train's coming!" the girls encouraged.

"But..." A timid voice hesitated.

"Go!"

Naruto felt hope blossom when he saw the train's nose a short distant away. Its screaming slide against the tracks was music to his ears. But what he heard ooze from Ran’s mouth the next moment had killed that quell of hope and left him daunted, shocked in his place.

"For fucks sake, give it up Aiko! He doesn’t like girls! He likes guys!" Ran snapped at her friend, her voice echoing easily throughout the open station.

Time seemed to slow as his heartbeat sped up. His head snapped to the side to look at her. She grinned maliciously and gloated to whoever heard her voice.

"That's right faggot! I saw that lube under your pillow! You think I wouldn't know? I also looked up that guy with you in the picture. He’s so popular with girls, but no girlfriend. Why do you think that is? huh?!"

One of her friends gasped, more shocked by her venom than her speculation it looked like.

"Ran-chan! That's mean!" the appalled one gaped. The other two only laughed.

Encouraged by her friends’ laughter, Ran placed her hand on her hips and continued to grin.

"Your mother would be ashamed of you, monster. Heh, good thing she's dead, huh?"

His eyes grew wide and the train hid his startled cuss. Her friend drew away, looking disgusted. He wanted to move, to scream his pulsing throat out and smack her dirty mouth shut, but he restrained himself and got into the train as soon as the doors slid open. His rage thundered within him, his head throbbed. Naruto grit his teeth against one another, the piercing squeak loud in his head. His breath was coming in short, he could barely breathe.

He felt eyes on him. A woman left her seat when he stood in front of her. Instead of taking it, he offered it to a woman in a business suit. She slid narrow eyes at him and snidely called him a name under her breath, moving away.

‘What’s the matter lady? Never met a boy who fucked other boys before?’ He remained standing and glared across him at his reflection on the train’s window.

He wasn't concerned with Ran possibly knowing about his relationship with Sasuke. His anger stemmed more from his lack of reaction. Disappointment left a nasty taste in his mouth. It tasted like dirt and oil, it tasted like failure. He had allowed his mother to be disrespected and had frozen, having done nothing about it. The anger festered within him as he blindly made his way home.


Naruto looked out over the rails of his balcony. The moon was huge and prominent against the stark black-blue sky. Dark birds stood balanced on the wires of electric poles, their skeletal legs familiar with the unsteady lines. He imagined he saw their beady eyes gazing at him, but dismissed it as ridiculous and turn back to the lonely moon. An unfinished cup of cold ramen sat by his feet, his book’s pages was turned by the passing wind, the paper snapped against it. He looked below him, the height wasn’t impressive but he imagined it could still break a few bones. It was just a passing thought; suicide had never been one of his choices for escape. Life was too precious. Four lives were given so that he could live. But it didn’t mean the thought was never there at times like these.

Wincing, he realized he'd been biting the inside of his cheek, and stopped. He had gone to bed when he arrived from school earlier. And he had just woken a couple of minutes ago to the quiet of early morning. Sleep escaped him and he had opened his books to try to finish some homework. He thought he was hungry so he made some ramen. Only half-way through his meal had he realized the empty feeling within him wasn’t hunger.

He spoke to his parents under the light of the moon. He had heard spirits were present around this time. He didn’t know if he believed that sort of talk, but he didn’t bother with the details. He just felt compelled to talk and so he did. He apologized to them, to her, for not saying anything after Ran had insulted them. He told them he was sorry he liked a guy, but at the moment that was something he couldn’t change. He told them he was angry at how things were turning out, as if things were falling apart at its seams.

He reassured them he would bring flower the next time he visited because he had forgotten the last time and only had half a chocolate bar to offer. Which he had ended up eating because he had grown hungry from the walk to their grave stones.

Another passing wind raised his skin into goose-bumps and flirted with his hair. He took that as a sign that they have heard, no matter how ridiculous it had sounded when he thanked them out loud. Picking up his cup of ramen and books, he headed back inside.

He dreamed that Ran had been the driver of that truck and she had run them off the road. Over his parents and grandparents rotting bodies, she stood over him and teased him for bending over for a boy. And then she was falling into the train tracks and he jumped in after her.

He awoke in a rush, his dreams already flitting and a memory when next he blinked. An ordinary crow pecked around in his balcony before getting startled into flight by a honking car below. He heard the faint buzzing of his alarm clock and search around his bed to look for it. He found it under his bed, as well as a lovely family of dust bunnies, reminding him it had been awhile since he had cleaned.

He skipped breakfast because the queasy feeling had yet to go away and opted for a glass of juice instead. He had woken early so he had time to watch the news, but found it too depressing for the morning and switched to cartoons instead. The cartoon character exuded a sarcastic and jaded nature as it belted out a series of subtle innuendos that would probably fly over the kids’ heads. It was self-assured and world-wary. Just like any first grader who thought they ruled the world. He turned off the television, writing the show off as crap and muttered something about the world being doomed.

He got ready for school and left his apartment hoping he hadn’t forgotten anything, but was too lazy to go back and check. At the train station he spied two guys sucking face behind a photo booth, their warm breaths mingling in the cool air. He looked away and denied his fascination, tapping his foot for the train to come.

At the school hallway he brushed by someone’s shoulder and he apologized. The person shook his head, dismissing it as nothing, but looked at him too long. As he passed by clusters of groups, whispers tugged at him and his sight caught too many hands hiding behind them moving mouths and suspicious eyes gleaming under electric lights.

When he slid open the doors to his first class, it was disconcerting to have all conversation cease and curious pairs of eyes slide his way. He furrowed his eyebrow and bit the inside of his cheek.

“What the hell are you looking at?!” He asked, glaring at the entire room. Some eyes averted him while a few bravely assessed him. Conversation started up once more, but more subdued, withdrawn. He strode past his classmates and found his seat surrounded by his friends. Sakura tugged at her hair nervously while Ino glared at a few would be inquirers. Shikamaru had his feet propped up on someone else’s seat while Chouji offered Naruto some potato chips.

Naruto looked into the bag at the greasy thin slices and shook his head with a ‘no thanks’.

Kiba chewed the eraser end of a pencil and spat pink rubber bits on the floor. Naruto saw the space between Sakura’s eyebrows, furrow in disgust. Hinata poked Kiba’s shoulder with a dainty finger as if to scold.

Naruto pulled his seat away from his unoccupied desk and sat down. He still felt eyes on him, but could care less.

“What the hell’s going on?” He addressed his friends.

“Naruto-kun…” Hinata began.

“Everyone’s yakking about you and Sasuke.” Kiba said. “As if they have nothing else to talk about!” the last bit he turned around to yell at the entire room.

“What?” Naruto asked, leaning back in his seat.

“A couple of girls heard someone accuse you yesterday at the train station. After you left, they apparently talked about it some more. So the idiotic fan club is having a hissy fit at finding out Sasuke was involved. Everyone else is just yakking along. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if it was someone else. But you know how popular Sasuke is.” Shikamaru explained.

Just as Shikamaru finished explaining, the door slammed open to reveal five girls who Naruto identified as avid fans of Sasuke. The unspoken leader strode quickly toward their group and began ranting as soon as Naruto could smell and gag at her strong perfume.

“You stay away from Sasuke-sama you pervert! Don’t you touch him! It’s not true! It’s not true what they say! Sasuke-sama would never even look at trash like you! You don’t deserve to breathe the same air he--”

“Yeah, stay away you monster!” three others echoed.

Ino stood noisily off her seat, long blond hair whipping behind her as she moved in front of the angry group.

Naruto felt Hinata’s tentative touch on his forearm, meant to reassure. He didn’t know why he needed reassurance, he was hardly bothered. They could find out about him and Sasuke for all he cared.

“Alright! That’s enough you idiots!” Ino screamed at the still raving girls. “Stop making a fool out of yourselves! You have no say into what Sasuke-kun or Naruto do with their lives!” She turned to the class and with her commanding eyes met every gaze, before grating out in a low scolding tone, “and as for the rest of you. This doesn’t concern you! So shut up!”

The unspoken leader of the group squawked, insulted at Ino’s treatment of her and began yet another series of ranting.

“Suck it up, princess! Get over it!” Ino pushed the protesting group out of the class and slammed the door close. She was about to address the class once more when Naruto intervened.

“Ino, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” He grinned past a frown and waved her over to take a seat.

He sagged against his chair and eyed the bright ceiling. He squinted his eyes when it was bright enough to make it water and took a long pull of air. Shaking his head to clear it, he flashed a convincing grin to his friends and started unpacking his bag. Shikamaru and Chouji were alright with the circumstances it seemed. He almost smiled at that.

Just as he lifted his head away from looking into his school bag, the doors slid open once more and Sasuke entered the room. Like a thunder clap, the room erupted into a volley of questions and talk. What was once suppressed inquiries now flew from every each end of the room and joined the tangle of noise.

Naruto’s heartbeat rivaled the loudness of the room. He watched at Sasuke’s dispassionate eyes blinked away the chaos as if nothing. Naruto saw the tight line that was the lips he had loved to kiss, the sparse wrinkles on the pressed uniform, the slight dangle of blue-black hair surrounding that pale face.

Perhaps, he had imagined those eyes briefly search him out, but it was too quick to distinguish imagination from reality.

Naruto felt tightness in his throat, a flutter in his stomach and lead weighing his feet down, making him unable to reach out and call.

He held no care for Ran knowing, for the entire school knowing. He could live with the taunts and the rumors spoken behind his stiff back. He could go on being angry at being ignored and avoided…

As long as…

“Sasuke-kun, is it true? You and Uzumaki are really—“

“Sasuke-sama, please say it isn’t true!”

“Hey, Sasuke! I always thought you were—“

“Sasuke-kun…”

“Sasuke”

“Sasuke-sama!”

“No.”

The noise ceased. A painful tickle went up Naruto’s nostrils, watering the edge of his eyes involuntarily. His mouth gaped open, not a sound escaping. A feeling of falling, salvation flowing futilely past his fingers. Sasuke’s voice pulsed in his ears, slammed against him and he heard glass breaking.

Anger rose from what died within and before he knew it he was running toward Sasuke, teeth bared and eyes flashing. He shoved people away and grabbed Sasuke by his shirt collar, their noses touching.

“What the fuck did you say?!” He imagined he could lift Sasuke by sheer anger alone, but he knew he wasn’t that strong. He gripped at the fabric in his hands tighter, knuckles showing white under his stretched skin.

Sasuke’s breath was even, compared to his own. Demeanor without fault, pulsating with a silent power.

“I said, No. There is nothing between us, Uzumaki.”

Naruto growled.

Sasuke wouldn’t meet his eyes--staring past the side of his head, to something else-- but his hands drew up to grab at Naruto’s own shirt.

Naruto felt it, before it even occurred. The pull for power, before Sasuke used that drawn power to shove him away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Naruto’s back collided with the hard floor, bone banging and shaking in pain. His skin pinched with hurt and he might have slammed the back of his head on a nearby desk before falling. He faintly heard his friends’ protest and the collective gasps from others.

But the familiar sound of metal shuffling and hitting the floor was louder than all. His eyes widened as he sat up. And with great reluctance, he looked down at the well swept floor. His lungs refused to draw air and he denied the watery quality of his sight.

His spiral pendant and its silver chain gleamed mockingly on the floor.

He didn’t care for what the rest of the world thought. As long as…What they had, wasn’t denied, wasn’t made untrue, wasn’t ripped away from his hands.

Anger, fury and something else. Something too timid to yell, watched Sasuke turn and walk away.

Even though they had exchanged a lot of words, they still couldn’t understand each other completely. He had known it from the start, but thought it would be different and that he was wrong.

He clutched the pendant and chain in his hands.

‘Sasuke!’

His scream hurt his head, but never made it past his lips.

TBC