mischief's cracktastic shorts

a/n: haven't had much in the way
of inspiration, but I did write a few half-assed ficlets this month

title: Self Preservation

for: doc_destructo

pairing: NaruIno

--

“Oh!”

Naruto winced and covered her sexy but
loud mouth with his own, only slightly muffling her cries. Her
enthusiastic squeals quickly morphed into an annoyed growl as she
pulled away, fixing him with a look he knew all too well by then.

“Don't slow down!” Ino
whined and blew her bangs out of her face.

He snorted in amusement. “As much
as I love it when you can't get enough of me...” He pointedly
ignored the eye roll. “I'd rather not announce it to everyone
in the house.”

“Scared?” Ino taunted and
thrust her hips toward his as best she could being propped up on the
bathroom counter and all. “Daddy threaten to kill or
something?”

He resisted the bait and the lull of
her body, the memory of Yamanaka Inoichi cornering him in the kitchen
earlier still fresh in Naruto's mind. He hadn't threatened to kill
him – which was good – just rip his balls off and stuff
them down his throat if he so much as thought about doing what
he was currently doing.

Sakura-chan had always said he was a
glutton for punishment. She was right. As usual.

“No, but I am rather fond of my
balls, so be quiet,” he whispered and thrust quickly
inside her.

Ino's arms quickly wrapped around his
shoulders, pulling him closer. “If you'd just hurry the fuck up
before someone comes looking for us, it wouldn't matter.”

Her words were little more than a
groan, her breath hot against his neck, and Naruto found it all too
easy to lose himself in the moment completely.

Unfortunately for him, so did Ino.

They were soon interrupted by a
terrible banging on the door and a very angry snarl of, “Uzumaki!!”

“Err, yeah?” Ino was
practically lying on the counter, her knees draped over his shoulders
and head up against the mirror, tell-tale flush covering her neck and
cheeks. A mad scramble to get dressed and story of her helping him
find bandades would never work. He doubted there was much hope for
the situation, but he had to try. “Um, sorry. I'll be out in a
little while. Must've eaten something bad,” he answered
awkwardly.

Naruto decided right then that Ino's
fingernails were only sexy when they weren't pinching him hard enough
to draw blood.

“Get out here and face me like a
shinobi you sorry, sack of shit!”

Naruto was fairly certain the door had
shaken with the force of that yell alone. Quickly, he weighed his
options. He'd never had much experience dealing with the wrath of
angry fathers, but if Ino inherited even a fraction of her temper
from Inoichi.... He glanced at the door, then down at his himself and
back.

Ino would probably be pissed, but that
was okay. She'd come around; she always did. He'd probably have to
check for traps at home for a while, but that would only serve to
keep life interesting. Finding out the extent of Kyuubi's
regenerative abilities, however, was not.

Naruto crushed Ino against him for a
lingering kiss before releasing her just as suddenly and darting out
the window.

He could hear the echoing shouts three
blocks away.