Firsts

REMINDER:This story takes place in Darkprism's Monoshizukanohi Universe. Though the appearances of Monoshizukanohi locations in this series of stories is minor, it does exist and that world belongs to her. She graciously allows me to play.

Secondly, warnings for this chapter:  ANGST, ​grief, reference to character death.  There is also anal, frot and hand jobs.  Lastly, technically, the boys are underage in this story, so... it gets the "minor" tag.

* * *  The Dance * * *

Izumo pulled into the slot of the parking lot at the Nara Nature Preserve and shut the engine off. He twisted the dial on the radio, turning the volume up. He didn't usually listen to this stuff, but something in the lyrics caught him, so he stopped to pay attention.

…I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end

The way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss

the dance

The radio had gotten much more tolerable over the last year. After that first disastrous attempt at listening to it two months after Hayate's death, he'd avoided it again completely for another three months. Music had always been a big thing for him, anyway, the words and meanings getting to him easily and he just wasn't ready for it yet.

But a little over six months ago, he'd started listening again. He'd been quick on the 'seek' button or to switch it to something else for another few months. Tetsu had been very careful, too, with what songs he'd played around Izumo. His best friend had been afraid for a long time of sending him back into the numb existence he'd been living in for so long right after the funeral. Or he'd worried about simply hurting him by bringing the grief back.

Izumo had made it through, though. Eventually, he stopped needing to keep his finger hovered over the seek button at the end of each song. He'd managed to start playing the entire CD instead of skipping around. And somewhere along the way, he was able to just enjoy the music, even the ones that made him think of Hayate.

Like now.

Holding you

I held everything

For a moment

wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known

how the king would fall

Hey who's to say

you know I might have changed it all

Izumo turned the radio off and stepped out of the jeep. He glanced around at the same picnic table off to one side, the garbage can chained up next to it, the sign pointing to the beginning of the hiking trail. He wandered over and climbed up onto the table. He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his thighs and glanced up at the stars.

It was two years since the first time they'd come out there. Two years ago that night, they'd parked in the same spot the jeep was currently occupying. And two years ago that he fell in love with someone he'd lose less than a year later.

He'd never forget that night for as long as he lived, he was sure.

Izumo stared down at the toes of his boots, the colors bleeding into each other. He didn't bother wiping his cheeks, didn't try to stop them. He just let them fall; let the tiny drops of water stain the soft leather.

He didn't cry much anymore. It was fairly rare. It happened, usually because he was caught off guard by something. Occasionally, it was a song that would get through or he'd flip past a movie on television that they'd liked - Twister was the worst. Once in a while, it was nothing specific. Hayate's face would float to mind or that incredible voice would leak in and Izumo would just have to stop whatever he was doing and let it go through him.

But those times were rare anymore. Most of the time, his thoughts of his late lover brought a smile instead. Almost all of the time, he could talk about him to Tetsu or Kenji or his mother without a huge stab at his heart.

He took a deep breath and forced the tears back. He didn't want to cry tonight. He wanted to just remember the good times. Izumo wanted to bring the picture of Hayate's face to mind to savor it along with the feel of his arms and the taste of his lips, instead.

The lyrics of the song floated back to him. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss… the dance.

Would he? If he'd had a chance to know what would happen, that Hayate would die, would he still have gone through with it? Would he still have fallen in love? Spent that year getting deeper in love? Falling harder? Feeling more?

He wiped at the tears as the questions circled in his mind and looked back up at the stars. A memory surfaced of a night almost exactly like this, if a bit warmer, some eighteen months ago.

* * *

"Come on! You know you want to!" Hayate laughed at Izumo's stubborn expression.

"No. I'm no good at it! I'll just look silly." Izumo shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

"To who? Me? I'm not going to laugh at you!" Hayate's grin widened.

"You already are," Izumo pointed out.

Hayate sighed. "Because you're being silly about it. I'm not going to laugh at your ability to dance. Come on, I'll even lead."

Izumo rolled his eyes. "Hayate…"

"Come on, babe, no one here but us and the stars." He threw a hand up, indicating the velvet navy blanket above sprinkled with diamond-like spots.

Izumo stared at him for another moment before giving up. He knew Hayate would never be the one to give up, anyway, not for this. When his lover wanted something like this, he got it. He stood up off of the picnic table and stepped down from its bench. Hayate hit a button on the CD player and held a hand out to Izumo.

Izumo took it and Hayate spun him. He whirled around, lost his balance and fell against his boyfriend's chest, cheeks reddening. "Dammit! You already made me trip!"

"Yup," Hayate said in a low voice," I wanted you here faster."

Izumo's breath hitched. That voice - when Hayate spoke like that - always made him just a little insane. He had a way of deepening the tone, softening the sounds until it was like melted chocolate and it just went through Izumo. He shivered a little for reasons that had nothing to do with the cool evening air. "I… I'll take that," Izumo managed on an airless attempt at speech.

"Mmmm," was the only reply as he wrapped his arms tighter around Izumo. He slowly started swaying; their bodies snug up against each other from chest to thigh, one of Hayate's legs nestled between Izumo's. He looked up into Hayate's face and noticed their lips were only a couple of inches apart.

He leaned up to close the distance, but Hayate chose that moment to step back and turn him instead. When he spun back around, there was a mischievous grin on his boyfriend's face and he suppressed the urge - just barely - to punch him. But then his lover pulled him in again and wrapped an arm back around his waist. And then he turned them both, started swaying from side to side, and Izumo forgot his nervousness and anger.

Instead, all he could think about was the strong hand at his lower back, the other one wrapped around his. He could feel Hayate's heart beating through their clothes, the warm breath on his face. He glanced up and found himself lost in those incredible dark eyes.

Their swaying slowed, then. It was barely noticeable, but they were still moving. This time, it was Hayate that closed the distance. His lips brushed across Izumo's with just a hint of a touch, just a breath of feeling. The hand at the base of his spine slid slowly up his back to weave through his hair and a moan was loosed from someone. Izumo belatedly realized that it came from him.

His other hand was released as that arm snaked around his back and his fingers found the dark locks of his boyfriend. He leaned in and took his own taste, savoring the flavors that made up the man he loved. Their dinner was there - sesame chicken, the sweet tea Hayate favored with his meal, the fortune cookie that was dessert. There was their coffee, and under that something else that was sweet. That was all him, all Hayate and Izumo squeezed his eyes closed a little more, memorizing it.

The arms around Izumo tightened a bit and he pulled back to allow his lungs to chase oxygen. The dark eyes were fierce and possessive as they moved over his face and he felt warmth spread through him that turned to heat when it settled low in his gut. The beautiful eyes heated, the look shifted to one of want and lust and Izumo's hands tightened in the silky hair they gripped.

"Yate…" Izumo whispered, eyes never leaving the gorgeous face in front of him. He hoped his own need transmitted through the single word, because he wasn't capable of much more. His body had reacted to the look in those eyes, the feel of the hands on him, the lips grazing his skin.

Hayate didn't speak. He simply captured his lips in another kiss, this one longer and more full then he began dancing Izumo backwards. He let go long enough to snatch up the stereo and, grabbing Izumo's hand, turned to the jeep.

The stereo was tossed in the back and Izumo feared briefly for it, then Hayate was on him. His seat was thrown back and his boyfriend's lips were moving over his skin and throat to nip at his collarbone. He sucked in a sharp breath, his hands scrabbling for something on the other man to hold on to. A low moan leaked out as his fingers found purchase in the thin cotton of Hayate's shirt.

He gripped the piece of clothing hard and tugged on it. Hayate moved long enough to pull it over his head and toss it aside. Izumo's went next, joining Yate's somewhere in the back seat. He heard twin thumps and registered that the sound was Hayate's shoes hitting the floor of the car, then a hand was tugging at his belt and the backs of fingers danced across his belly.

He gasped at the skin on skin contact then he forced his attention back to his lover's face. He leaned in and captured the other's mouth, tongues sliding and dancing. He ran one palm down Yate's chest, pausing to tease a nipple before continuing its path. His hand slipped under the waistband of the taller man's jeans and his palm brushed against the tip of Hayate's cock.

Yate groaned at the contact and his own hands moved faster at Izumo's jeans. "Want… you…" he managed between bites and nibbles of Izumo's skin.

Izumo let his own groan out and fought with the other man's belt buckle. He fumbled briefly then felt the leather finally give and move. He tugged and yanked at the jeans and eventually managed to open them. The zipper stood no chance and then finally, finally, he pulled his boyfriend free, wrapping his hand around the thick cock.

"Oh hell, Zumo…" Hayate moaned. His breath stuttered a moment as the sensations poured through him, then he recovered his wits enough and doubled his efforts on Izumo's own remaining clothes. Then the belt and jeans were open and he, too, had a fist full of dick.

Their mouths crashed back together, nibbling, nipping, and sucking at lips and tongues. Izumo let go of the other's cock long enough to shift. Hayate's jeans were tugged on frantically by both of them and when they got them down past his hips, Izumo dove for the glove box and the small bottle they'd learned to keep there.

Hayate kicked off his jeans just as Izumo opened the bottle and poured some into his hand. He was pulled back down for another kiss and more lost sanity and he nearly forgot what he was doing. Then the cock against his hip jumped and he brought himself back. He leaned up, brown eyes meeting black and they stared at each other a moment.

And the emotion slammed into him. Izumo had to force his lungs to work as he looked at the other man. "God, I love you." The words fell from his mouth without conscious thought.

Hayate reached up and pushed the ever-present bangs from Izumo's face. "I love you, too," he whispered it and pulled him in for another kiss, this one soft and slow, a reinforcement of their words. When they broke apart, Izumo rested his forehead against his lover's and Hayate added, "Make love to me, Zumo," in a whisper, the dark eyes heating even more.

Izumo couldn't seem to manage a verbal answer. He nodded, forcing his mind to return to what he was doing and the fingers he'd ignored a few moments ago found their way back to his lover's body.

The leg Izumo wasn't straddling lifted and fell as far to the side as it could in the cramped quarters of the jeep and Izumo found himself briefly grateful that neither of them was very large. He ghosted one finger over the tight muscle, taunting Yate with it briefly and earning a loud groan. He pushed it in slowly, trying his damndest to slow things down a little. He wanted to take his time, savor all of this, and make it really good for his lover.

He teased the other man, keeping his movements to just long, slow thrusts with his finger, only one finger. Hayate tried to move against it, push for more, but Izumo would have none of it. When Yate did that, Izumo stopped altogether, earning himself another groan. "Please, Zumo, more…"

"Impatient, aren't you?" He whispered into the other man's ear, nipping at the lobe with his teeth and got another low, wordless sound in response. He added a second finger, curling them this time, searching. The louder moan that was released told him he'd found what he was looking for.

Izumo worked him with those fingers, teasing, tormenting, doing everything he could to make Yate crazy. He used his lips and tongue on the neck and ear, then darting in for another kiss, then more nibbles. He shifted a bit and busied his free hand with Hayate's thick cock, stroking it the best he could with the awkward position he was in.

Hayate's own hand was on his dick, fisting it, making him crazier by the moment. He groaned when his lover palmed the tip, spreading the quickly leaking liquid. "Mmmph. Damn, Yate, you're good at that."

He chuckled, adding a slight twist that he knew would make Izumo groan, and he wasn't disappointed. But finally, Hayate had had enough. He pulled hard on his boyfriend and Izumo found himself completely sprawled across the taller man's body. Another thorough kiss and then Yate pulled back, "God, don't fucking tease me anymore. Please…" the taller nearly begged.

Hayate released him then and pushed at Izumo's jeans until they were down past his hips. Izumo snatched up the bottle again and coated himself, shifting to get into position. He guided his cock as he got into place and his eyes slid closed when he pushed into the tight heat. "Oh fuck, Yate… so… nngh… tight." Izumo fought against the urge to just thrust hard. He worked his way in slowly, pulling out then pushing a little further, adding a bit more each time.

Finally, he was buried completely and he paused, his head dropping as he worked to get a hold of himself. Hayate's legs came around him; one hand speared through his hair, the other gripped his arm. Izumo gave himself another moment, and then started moving.

He kept his thrusts slow, yet again determined not to rush through it. They didn't get a lot of opportunities to be alone like this and he savored every single one of them. Hayate pulled on him until their lips met again for a kiss that was sloppy and wet and so, so good.

The legs around his waist tightened then the muscles surrounding his cock squeezed and he lost it, pulling back and thrusting once hard. "Oh FUCK, Zumo!" Hayate nearly shouted it.

All thoughts of going slow and taking his time fled. Body and instinct took over and he started pumping much faster. Hayate's legs shifted, lifting higher and Izumo changed the angle just enough. He heard the moans from his lover get louder and his own sounds increased to match. He pounded into Yate's prostate, maintaining just enough sanity to listen to the other man's sounds.

"Fuck, getting…" Izumo broke off as words became more difficult to maintain. "Too close already…" he managed and pulled back, forcing himself to slow down. He leaned up and wrapped his hand back around his lover's cock and started stroking it. "Please, God, Yate, please come with me…"

Hayate moaned at the words. He reached up and gripped the seat hard to brace himself. "Fuck yes... oh God, oh fuck… Zumo…" his words trailed off into louder grunts and moans that merged with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and the creek of the jeep.

It didn't matter how hard he tried. His lover felt too good and he was just too far gone. "God. Oh Yate… Fuck … Oh damn… I'm… oh God, I'm…" The words spilled from his mouth in a babbling torrent. The tension built fast, his balls were tightening and he was so, so incredibly close.

He concentrated every bit of brain power he had left on the hand he had wrapped around Hayate's dick. "Come. Fuck, come Yate!" He demanded and a moment later, he wasn't disappointed. The cock in his hand jumped, the muscles around his own length clenched, the legs around his waist tightened and his lover shouted his name. Thick white ropes shot out over his hand, coating the other man's chest and stomach.

His own shout joined Hayate's as his climax tore through him. Fire flew from one end of his body to the other, out from his balls and into his lover. His nerves screamed, his vision went white and his thrusts went completely erratic as he rode the crest of the pleasure.

He collapsed onto the other man, unable to remember how to take in air, much less what to do with it once it was there. Arms came around him and he felt the ragged pants of his lover underneath him. He knew he should move, but he couldn't have shifted the tiniest bit in that moment.

He buried his face in Yate's neck and dropped a kiss on it. He felt his face shifted, the hair brushed out of it, and a kiss land somewhere in the vicinity of his forehead. "Love you," Hayate whispered.

He swallowed around his dry throat. "I love you," he croaked his reply and the taller man chuckled, arms tightening even more. He gave himself another moment to start breathing closer to normal and looked up into the dark eyes. He reached one hand up and brushed it along a sharp cheekbone. "I do. Love you," he whispered.

"Thanks for dancing with me," Hayate said with a half-smile, half-smirk.

Izumo chuckled. "If this is what dancing gets me, I don't think I mind too much."

Hayate laughed. "Oh God," he looked up, shaking his head and laughing harder. "My boyfriend's a total perv."

"And you love it," Izumo replied, joining in and laughing. When they calmed down, Hayate turned back and captured Izumo's lips.

As slow and soft as it was, it still drew a groan from Izumo. "Mmmm. God, I love those. Love you."

"Mmm," Hayate agreed, dropping another one on him. "Izumo…"

"Hmm?" He asked when they broke apart again and snuggled into Hayate's shoulder.

"Um… would… will …" Izumo listened to his boyfriend's heart speed up, felt the shakiness in his hands as he struggled to form the words.

He leaned up and caught the dark eyes and nervous expression. "What is it?"

"Uh… nothing. Nothing." He shook his head and reached out to brush at the bangs again. "Just…" he sighed. "Never mind. I'm a lucky man to have you, Izumo."

Izumo blinked at him. "I think I'm the lucky one. Hayate… what were you going to ask?"

But he wouldn't say. He shook his head again and pulled Izumo back onto his shoulder. Instead, he asked, "Have you ever thought about… what happens after school?"

Izumo nodded. "Yeah. College. Tetsu and I are planning on community first. Dunno what will happen after that yet. It'll depend mostly on money. I sort of figured the college thing was a given."

"Kenji's going into the military," Hayate said. "His parents make too much for financial aid, but they can't possibly come up with tuition, much less anything else."

"Oh. That'll suck for Tetsu." Izumo's voice dropped off as fear took him. "What about you?" He asked, his own heartbeat speeding up.

"I don't know yet. Mom doesn't make much, so I'll probably get financial aid, too. I think I like the idea of community, too. We can go together."

Izumo breathed a sigh of relief, grinned up at him and dropped another kiss on his lips. "I like that. Don't want to be without you."

Hayate grinned back. "Me either."

"You don't want to be without you?"

Yate laughed and smacked at Izumo's ass. "Ha. Ha. You're funny." He sighed. "Come on, I gotta get you home."

Izumo pouted. "Okay," he said, drawing out the word. He eased out of his lover and they started the awkward process of getting dressed inside the jeep. "Hey, Yate?"

"Hmm?" He asked, struggling into his jeans.

"Thanks for the dance." Brown eyes and black ones met again. This time, the look said enough. Lips crashed together and the look that was so full of emotion became a kiss that had started with a simple dance.

He never did find out what Hayate was going to ask him. He had his suspicions, but he'd never known for sure. And he never would.

He glanced up at the stars again, wrapping his arms around himself to ward off the chill of the cold March night as well as the grief. "I miss you," he said to the night. "Especially on nights like this. I wish you were here so badly."

He thought again about the song. He thought again about the questions he'd asked himself. Would he still have fallen in love, taken that year he did have with Hayate, even if he knew that his lover, his boyfriend… his everything would die?

"Yes. I still would have. I'd take every precious day I had with you."

He closed his eyes and let the tears fall. Maybe crying on that night wasn't so bad, after all. He heard a howl of something in the distance, an incredibly lonely sound and he thought that in that moment he knew exactly how that creature felt.

And then it happened. Later, he'd swear it was his imagination playing tricks on him. Or perhaps it was his grief manifesting itself, though he would never be completely comfortable with either explanation. Tetsu told him it was neither, his friend believed it was real.

The arms slid around him from behind, wrapping him in the oh-so-familiar feel of strength and warmth and pulling him against a body he'd remember for the rest of his life. He could feel the strong chest, warm breath on his neck, nose nuzzling his ear. "Oh God, I miss you so much. I'm even feeling you, now." He shook his head. "Hayate," he whispered.

"I'm here. I'll always be here with you. I love you and always will." The words floated through his mind ethereally and his breath caught.

The tears stopped and he took a deep breath. "Dance with me, one more time." He heard a chuckle in response in that same otherworldly way. He stood up then, the arms wrapping around him again and he swayed to music only he could hear with a partner only he could feel. And he remembered another dance at another time with real music and a partner that was still a living, breathing, beautiful human being.

And he smiled.

---

Lyrics from ​The Dance​ by Garth Brook from the ​Garth Brooks ​album, released in 1989 from Capitol Records.