Spiral Falling

Title: Spiral Falling
Author: BeccaAmon
Genre: AU
Pairings: Naruto x Sasuke x Naruto
Warnings: Shounen ai, yaoi, language
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
AN: Thank you for being patient. I hope you enjoy.


Chapter 27 – When someone’s wish comes true, someone else’s goes unfulfilled.

A week after the night Naruto carried Ran home, she surprised him. As the train came to a screeching halt, she stood by him. She said nothing, didn’t even look his way. Naruto’s eyes flicked to her and then back to the train as its doors opened. He stepped inside, but she didn’t. The doors slid close and he looked at her through the glass. She tilted her head in thought, furrowed her eyebrows and moved her loose hair away from her face. The train began to move, but she stayed in place until he couldn’t see her anymore.

The next day, the same thing happened. The day after that, he said hi and she nodded her head.

One day, she offered him some chips. He asked if the chips were poisoned. She said they were, just for him. He thought he had a cute cousin.

When with friends, she often slipped back to her old self, or what Naruto had seen as her old self. She’d say something harsh, fall silent and then change the subject. The next time they saw each other, she’d offer him chips more than once. She really was cute.


The air in the place smelled like hamburger grease and salt. Not the kind of salt that reminded you of the sea. But the kind that came with the fries. Lively chatter mixed with the muted sound of traffic beyond the glass windows and faded orange walls. A baby cried at one of the booths. Naruto tracked the mother as she brought her child to the women’s washroom.

“You have an eyelash on your cheek.” Ran pointed out.

Blinking in surprise, his eyes tried to search for it. Then he realized how stupid that was and stopped.

She pointed with a painted fingernail. He patted around his cheek until she told him, “There!” and he peeled it off his skin. Careful not to lose it, he held the lash on the pad of his index finger.

“You should make a wish.” She suggested, peering at the dark blond lash. “It’s good luck you know?”

He hadn’t expected something like that to come from her. But now that he thought about it, it made perfect sense. She was a girl full of hopes and dreams. Wishes and girly delight.

Deciding to humor her, he asked, “And then what?”

“And then you blow it away!” She sounded a little too excited, her fingers making bursting motions in the air. The bracelets around her wrist clanged and bounced.

He looked around them. The fast food joint wasn’t that busy. Everyone minded their own business. There was no one looking to witness him doing something only girls with crushes do.

He inhaled; anticipating blowing the eyelash, then realized that he had almost forgotten to make his wish. Pausing, he made the wish and then blew off the lash. It was now lost forever amidst the dirt and dust sticking to the linoleum-tiled floors.

“So, what did you wish for?” She asked, stuffing salty fries in between her lip-glossed lips.

“Doesn’t telling you prevent the wish from coming true?” He countered, eating some of his own fries.

She pouted. He felt sorry for the fry that received a rather violent bite. “Not even a teeny tiny hint?” She wielded large eyes on him and an almost believable, angelic smile.

He snickered, and then with a straight face said, “No.”

She looked to the side momentarily thoughtful, and then she moved forward. Crossing her arms on top of the table, a sudden gleam lit her eyes. “Was it a wish for you and your boyfriend to get back together?”

It was lucky he had just downed his drink or else he would have pop shooting out of his nose by now. Putting the drink down to make sure no future accidents occurred, he eyed her carefully.

“Boyfriend?” He coughed, asking for her to clarify.

“Yeah, you know, tall, dark hair and handsome?” She grinned mischievously, and then sobered. “I… I heard you guys broke up. He was pretty popular with the girls at my school too and when I was asked about it, I think I made it worst.” She winced and meekly slid a hamburger across the table to him.

Naruto eyed the offering and then picked it up. He sniggered, amused by her actions, and waved the wrapped burger between them. “Do you always apologize with food?”

She grinned, sheepish. “Is it working?”

He laughed hard and when he saw her confused face, he laughed some more.

Calming down, he leaned back on his seat and looked down through the grease-smeared glass to the streets below.

“Boyfriend sounds weird to hear.” He murmured.

“Lover, then?” She suggested.

He scoffed. “That’s even worst. He’s my friend.”

“With benefits!” She added cheerfully.

He couldn’t help it and laughed. She was really cute.

“So? Was it a wish for you and him?” Ran pursued.

Sitting up, he picked up a fry and met her curious gaze. “Tell you what. I’ll let you know if it comes true.”

She pouted adorably, but left it alone.

The first time they had sat together, it was awkward. But slowly words had started to come, conversations formed and the air of tension was snuffed out of existence. It had been like meeting her all over again. Once in awhile she’d say something unkind, but she’d apologize quickly. He didn’t mind, she didn’t mean it. Sometimes she would ask him about how he managed to live alone. His answers usually consisted of shrugs and smiles. He said that he just did.

Her questions reminded him of Sasuke’s questions. Her apologies reminded him of Sasuke’s guilty look once he realized Naruto’s situation and how he had made it worse. Naruto realized he missed Sasuke.

The rumor and its telling looks eventually ebbed. The girls who idolized Sasuke regained hope and Naruto saw the boy’s locker bulge with fan letters once more. A new rumor began circulating. He overheard a girl tearfully tell a group of friends that Sasuke was transferring to another school, that she had heard it when she passed by the council’s room.

Naruto stood still, back leaning against the cold staircase wall. From the window beside him, sunlight streamed past his shoulders as he listened to her wracking sobs echo up the stairway. He watched little dust particles float in the shaft of light. Her cry grew louder and her friends made soothing noises. He heard the door open and then their footsteps receded. The door slammed against its frame and he was left alone.

Since the day he had given the pendant back to Sasuke, they hardly spoke or even met gazes. Sasuke suddenly had a penchant for disappearing and no one knew where he was. At class he barely spoke to anyone and then the next day, his locker was cleared and his seat became vacant.

People spoke, but mostly of speculations. No one knew the truth, so they made things up. Naruto searched all over the school: to the places they had often occupied, secret places were they had shared kisses. But Sasuke wasn’t anywhere.

When Naruto asked Sakura or Ino about what they knew, Ino had no clue and Sakura wasn’t talking. After school, he went to work. Ran and her friends had visited him. They made him smile, ate their fill and then left. He worked as if on autopilot. At the end of his shift, he cleaned up, hung his apron and headed home.

Naruto held onto the metal bars as the bus stopped. Releasing his hold, he rubbed the hand on his pants, wiping off the grease from the pole. The doors opened with an airy swish. As he stepped off the vehicle he recognized a few tenants from his apartment. He returned a few waves. Adjusting his hold on his bag, he walked the rest of the way to his apartment. His key ring dangled around his fingers, the metal jingling as he walked and swung it about. A pair of joggers passed him by. The scent of sweat invaded his senses briefly and then the fresh evening air once again. He entertained the thought of going for a walk, but then decided maybe next time.

As he neared his apartment complex, he spied a figure sitting on the steps. When Naruto came closer, the figure looked up, their gazes meeting. Under the soft glow of a nearby lamp post, Sasuke slowly stood and smiled at him.

Something about that smile triggered a reaction out of him. It looked wrong. It looked guilty.

Before he knew it, Naruto’s feet had carried him to stand in front of the boy and his knuckles throbbed from the hit he had just thrown at Sasuke.

Sasuke staggered back from the blow, hand reaching up for his cheek. He looked a little dazed, probably just realizing it had been a fist that hit him. Although in obvious pain, he looked like he had been expecting it. Working his jaw a bit, Sasuke spat at the ground.

Naruto stared at the bloody stain on the pavement and then at the red trickle on Sasuke’s chin. He moved his fingers and tried to flick the irritating throb away. His gaze hardened when he met Sasuke’s.

Standing close enough, Naruto raised his hand and wiped the blood off Sasuke’s chin with his thumb. “It hurt,” He said truthfully.

“I know,” Sasuke rasped, eyes lowering.

And they both knew he wasn’t talking about just now.

“Can I come up?”

Naruto looked above them and found his balcony among the others. There weren’t any lights on. He should go upstairs, turn the lights on and let life go on.

Bending down, he picked up the keys he had dropped. His nails scraped against the rough pavement. Standing slowly, he turned and made his way to the doors. He heard Sasuke follow, saw the boy’s reflection in the glass.

When they entered Naruto’s apartment, he told Sasuke to follow him into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he grabbed a handful of ice and dropped them onto a cloth. Tying the ends to prevent the ice from falling out, Naruto shoved the bundle onto Sasuke’s chest.

Sasuke tentatively pressed the ice pack to his cheek, wincing upon contact. The boy’s eyes followed him as he opened the fridge door, found nothing he wanted and slammed it close. Naturo’s anger was curling around him. He felt it at the back of his head, like something solid. Like something crawling with a thousand legs that he’d like to rip out of his skull. He gripped the fridge’s door handle, closed his eyes and stopped grinding his teeth when he noticed he had been doing it. His shoulders were rigid with pent up emotions and he needed to break something. Something like Sasuke’s face.

“I didn’t want you to leave me,” Sasuke whispered from behind him.

That…That sapped away all the raw emotions boiling inside Naruto, leaving him bewildered and blank.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he turned swiftly and pointed an accusing finger. “Hey, asshole! You’re the one that left!”

Sasuke frowned at him, shifting the ice pack lower. There was still some red left beneath his lips, reminding Naruto that he had already hit Sasuke’s face. His hand throbbed in recollection. The sight of Sasuke nursing his hurt however, gave Naruto enough push to put his anger aside and hear the boy out. He sighed out loud and ran fingers through his hair as if to rake the frustration off. Leaning back against his fridge, head tapping twice at its cool surface, he nodded for Sasuke to explain.

Sasuke found support against the wall and took the ice away from his jaw. Naruto watched him study his tiles for a bit. And then Sasuke looked up and met his gaze.

“I don’t know where to begin.” He said.

Naruto crossed his arms. “How about explaining what you meant by what you just said.”

Sasuke straightened, eyes widening a little, and then embarrassedly looked away. “It meant exactly just that.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“How well do you know me, Naruto?” Sasuke asked without preamble.

Naruto opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it. It shouldn’t have been a difficult question, but suddenly he didn’t know how to respond to it. He knew about the Sasuke in school, the class president, the over-achiever. He had a vague idea about Sasuke and his relationship with his family. Itachi had contributed to that. He knew Sasuke disliked sweet things, but tolerated it when in came from him. He knew all these inconsequential things, and nothing else.

“I know enough.” Naruto answered.

“Maybe,” Sasuke smiled softly, sadly. A faraway look came over his expression and Naruto knew Sasuke was somewhere else, sometime else. “When I was eight, Itachi left.”

Naruto furrowed his brows, nodding, even though Sasuke may not have even noticed it.

“He had been thirteen then, but already knew what he wanted out of life, I think. Or he had a pretty good idea when he left,” Sasuke paused as if recalling a moment. “My parents left me. They left me to go after him. To find my brother, their genius child. My father’s hope and my mother’s heart,” Sasuke laughed bitterly, his voice breaking. He took a moment to clear his throat and then continued. “They were gone for three years. Searching for him. I was passed around different relatives I hardly knew. Heard them whispering about my family and the poor child who was left behind.”

Naruto cringed, uncrossing his arms. He remembered what it had been like to be alone growing up with people’s cold gazes and harsh speculations. He imagined what it must have been like for Sasuke to grow up measuring his worth with no one to correct his messed-up assumptions.

“They came back without Itachi, couldn’t find him no matter how hard they looked. Maybe they hadn’t really known him so well, if they couldn’t even find him in such a small world. They stayed away for another year because my mother was heartbroken, and had forgotten she had another son. My father ran the company, buried himself in work. He also didn’t want to see me.” Sasuke bowed his head, the hand that wasn’t holding the ice pack curled into a fist.

Naruto opened his mouth, but had nothing to say.

“Kakashi-sensei was a friend of one of my uncles. I fell under their care the last two years my parents were gone.”

Naruto had often wondered why when the two spoke, they seemed to share something. And now he knew.

“When my parents finally came back, I hardly knew them. My mother avoided me, she would cry when she saw me. Probably because I looked like Itachi and would make her hope. Only to realize I wasn’t him. And then she just learned how to tell I wasn’t Itachi. I was the one she hated.”

“That’s bullshit!” Naruto shouted, unable to take anymore. He couldn’t imagine that. A mother had to love her son. He seethed at the thought. Itachi and Sasuke were two different people. And yet, his aunt couldn’t stand him too, because he looked like his mother. Naruto gritted his teeth and banged the back of his head against the fridge door. “People are so screwed up.” He rasped, closing his eyes.

They had left him. Sasuke’s parents had left him, and never bothered to correct the assumptions Sasuke made as a child. That he had been hated, that he had been worthless to them compared to Itachi. He recalled that night he and Sakura had come over Sasuke’s house. Shivered as he remembered the icy gaze Sasuke’s mother had directed at her son. He recalled all those times Sasuke had said they didn’t care if he wasn’t home even when it had been late. He remembered the hate flowing out of Sasuke when he had seen his brother.

Naruto hadn’t known all of this, how much Sasuke had been hurting.

“You were afraid I’d leave you, so you left me.” Naruto said, finally understanding. He opened his eyes, his gaze falling on Sasuke. Because his own family had left him, how else would Sasuke trust anyone to not leave him too? His only choice was to suspect everyone.

Sasuke looked away and gave a small nod.

Naruto sighed, deflating fully. He walked toward Sasuke, stopping close enough to take away the ice pack. The ice had started to melt and there was a puddle near Sasuke’s feet. They hadn’t noticed.

The ice pack dropped to the floor. The cloth soaked up the water and the remaining ice cracked when it landed. Their hands reached out at the same time, clasping midway. They stood in silence. Poignant in its simplicity.

In the handful of seconds spent in silence, Naruto allowed what he’d learned to settle and meld with his every memory of Sasuke. He felt that satisfying click when everything fit like a puzzle.

Except for one thing.

“Was there something else? Why are you still leaving?” He asked.

Sasuke’s grip suddenly tightened.

“I spoke to your brother and I heard a rumor in school that you were transferring.” Naruto asked, his eyes falling to the chain peeking out of Sasuke’s neckline.

Releasing his breath, Sasuke sank down to the floor, taking Naruto with him. They sat on the cold tiles, silent until Sasuke decided to speak.

“The rumor is true. I am transferring to a new school. I don’t have to wait until the end of this semester. I can register and start class immediately. It’s similar to the schools my brother had taken. I could feel challenged there and progress faster than I would in Konoha.” Sasuke explained, his other hand moving in the air as if trying to convince.

“It’s a promising place. I’ve met the students, seen the school. The facilities and the curriculum.” Naruto could feel the excitement build in Sasuke brimming with the drive to become someone great. It was contagious.

“How are the teachers?” Naruto prompted and Sasuke’s excitement sagged and quickly vanished.

“The teachers know what’s good for the students.” Sasuke said, looking slightly ill. “They’re teachers and that’s all they are, nothing else.”

Naruto noted the pale pallor of the boy’s face, he looked about to puke. “What are you talking about, Sasuke? Are you alright?”

Sasuke shook his head and gave him a terrible smile meant to convince him he was fine. “It’s nothing. Just that…I know I can push myself into doing anything to get what I want. No matter how unpleasant. I proved how far I can go, but I won’t do that again. ” His eyes shone with finality, a decision made without Naruto understanding.

“Do what?” Naruto pursued, wanting to know. He knew Sasuke would be good at anything once he made his mind up. That he was sure, but he couldn’t help but feel he was missing something else.

Sasuke shook his head, telling Naruto a second time that it was nothing.

Naruto stared at their clasped hands, felt Sasuke’s skin and warmth against him.

“I’m still leaving because I realized, to do all this I had to move on.” Sasuke addressed Naruto’s previous question. He loosened his grip on Naruto’s hand and pulled away slowly. “That I couldn’t be distracted.”

As the warmth of Sasuke’s hand receded, comprehension stabbed into Naruto, making it suddenly difficult to breathe. He lowered his head as the weight of those words sank in.

This was Sasuke wanting to move on, choosing his own path. This was Sasuke growing out of their meetings in stairways, hanging out at the old library, and spending time with friends. This was Sasuke growing out of kissing and fucking everywhere, this was him letting go and holding onto something else. And it hurt.

But this was Sasuke doing what he wanted. Naruto wanted to scream and protest, tell Sasuke that Konoha was fine, that it wasn’t the school that makes the person but the individual himself. He wanted to shake Sasuke and tell him he had friends and he had… Him to rely on. They weren’t distractions; together they could make each other strong. He had to say something, because it wasn’t like him to remain quiet and let Sasuke think he was alone.

But this was Sasuke’s life. It was what he wanted.

Naruto placed his hand on the floor for support, wincing when it landed on the cold puddle. He watched as water drew back to make room for his hand only to move forward and engulf what it could. The spiky chill raced up his arm to the rest of his body, making him shiver. It helped divert him away from the small upset tucking itself comfortably in the pit of his stomach.

Summoning a less terrible smile than the one Sasuke had flashed him earlier, Naruto buried his fingers into Sasuke’s hair, wetting the dark locks. Sasuke shivered but remained still, a little surprise at both his action and his smile.

“That’s good. This is what you really want right? So, you should do what you like.” He was surprised his voice came out even, nothing like the broken tone he had expected.

Sasuke sagged against the wall, breathing out in relief. In the end he had been waiting for Naruto’s encouragement. Maybe he hadn’t been so sure.

Naruto maintained his smile, making certain it didn’t waver. He leaned into Sasuke. The boy opened up his arms and drew him in. Naruto’s arms mimicked Sasuke’s and he sighed into their embrace. Exhaustion settled over them and it wasn’t long before Naruto’s eyes began to droop. Standing shakily, he pulled Sasuke up with him.

“Sleep over. You look tired.” He invited.

Sasuke agreed, yawning. He gave a chagrined smile and Naruto thought this was the first time in weeks that he had seen Sasuke collected and unwound.

Dressed in Naruto’s pajamas they slid under the covers and it wasn’t long before Sasuke fell asleep. Naruto sat up, resting his elbows on his bent knee as he looked down at his snoozing bedmate. He reached out a tentative hand and slid it along the curve of Sasuke’s shoulder and up to the smooth nape of his neck, until the fingers buried into soft and thick dark hair. Sasuke sighed in his sleep, scooting closer. Naruto turned away from the sight and looked out his windows. He refused to contemplate the fate of their relationship, refused the desire to be selfish and tell Sasuke no.

He offered a soft smile to the watching moon and thought that it had been nice while it lasted. That it was something he’d never forget. That Sasuke was someone he’ll never forget. Encounters are after all merely future farewells and he could live with that as long as they both got happy endings. Even if it meant they didn’t get it together.

Naruto sagged into his sheets and watched Sasuke sleep. He moved forward and stole a kiss, and then another, just because. He thought Sasuke pushing him away and leaving without a word of explanation was better than this, because now he didn’t even have his anger to hide behind. He had only the annoying feeling of already missing Sasuke and the guilt of wanting to be selfish. It was like a bad taste in his mouth he couldn’t take away no matter how much he brushed.

Pouting that he was losing sleep because of this, he shoved Sasuke roughly. “You suck.”

The boy only stirred, murmured, and nothing else. Naruto felt cheated and contemplated doing it again, but didn’t push once his hand touched Sasuke’s shoulder. He slid his arms over Sasuke’s chest, moved a bit closer and held Sasuke close.

Just before sleep took him, Naruto whispered into the darkness, “You suck, Uchiha. I lost an eyelash for nothing.”

TBC