Sassychan

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

I was supposed to de dead a week ago. I really I should have been. I had been rushed to the hospital. I collapsed during my shift at work because I never ceased going to work though I was sick and I worked harder than I should have been working in the first place. Not only that, during the week that I was sick, I didn’t give up on my physical regimen thinking that would clear up my sinuses and eventually make me well. Apparently, not.

Do not make an example of me. Take care of your health. It doesn’t mean that even if you are at the young (semi-old) age of 24 (like me), you should be taking life on as though you are closely related to superman.

Happy Valentines Day.

SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO: Tina, who once again, edited this chapter. Thanks so much girl! :)

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own Naruto. In my dreams I do. During my stint in the hospital while I had been hallucinating, drowning in the medication being stuck into me, I was Naruto. But then, I got well and I realized that I am after all, a girl. How in hell can I be Naruto? Pshaw. Drugs.


Sassychan

Chapter 27: Of Closures and Whatnot…


There are just instances wherein no matter how good the situation was, you just can’t make everyone happy. Take the three of them Leaf ninjas for example (and what a perfect example they are!). For one, she, Sasuke, shouldn’t be feeling all disappointed considering that there was no longer a male Naruto around, down whose throat she could stick her tongue. She should be thankful since she was no longer acting like a maniac, groping usuratonkachi of all people!

(His lips tasted fantas—ah, ah! Crap! This love potion better wear off soon! Otherwise, she might just find herself thinking how hot Naruto was. She would never be able to live it down, if the Laws of her Character ever caught her thinking the dobe was hot.

Then, of course, there was Sakura. Just when everything got all nice ad settled down, this girl just had to go and stir things up again. At her own stupid risk, Sakura interrogated her to prove is she really was Sasuke—only to break down and start bawling after confirming her identity. (Truth to be told, Sasuke got a tad scared of Sasuke after that lengthy interrogation. You see, from the way Sakura had questioned Sasuke about her ‘ways of living’, she had gotten a glimpse of how WELL Sakura knows her. In fact, she even knows how Sasuke clips her toenails. A thing to shudder at, really. Either Sakura was a very observant kunoichi or just one hell of a stalker.) Sakura should have just been content (or happy) that Sasuke was no longer French kissing Naruto (which had been one damnably fine thing until he turned into a girl!) and ended it at that!

Lastly, there was Naruto; the one male specimen she would have fucked—had he been a male as of this moment—just would not stop glaring at her. (Quiet, you laws of Uchiha Sasuke’s character! She was under the spell of the love potion! It’s not like she could control her less than chaste thoughts!) He, of all people, should be ecstatic because she was no longer on to him like a starving mangy dog on a bone. He should have been content that Sakura’s allowing him to semi-hug her as she bemoaned her never-going-to-be-married existence.

“I’m going to be,” SOB! “ a virgin all my,” SOB! “LIFE!” SOB!

Sakura was currently slumped on the table, with the surface of her generous forehead supporting the rest of her head. Shoulders shaking, hands dangling at her side, Sakura punctuated each fragment of her statement with a heavy hiccup and a small snot filled sniffle. Tears leaked from her eyes on to the table top, which then subsequently dropped and pooled on the spot of floor next to her feet.

“There now, Saku-chan! Daijobou! There’s a whole gaggle of males waiting for you to be their bride!” Naruto stated firmly, looking at Sasuke pointedly and inclining his head towards Sakura in a silent demand for her to join him.

Sasuke merely huffed in response, which made Naruto glare at her all the harder. Try as she might, Sasuke could not bring herself to pacify Sakura. Well, actually, ever since Naruto had started patting Sakura consolingly on the back, crooning softly and lovingly tucking stay tendrils of her hair behind Sakura’s ears, Sasuke lost all taste in doing any such acts of compassion and sympathy.

So, as Sakura bawled harder, Sasuke stayed on her seat and boredly hooked her shin on the heel of her palm. She didn’t even take heed though Naruto pumped his head with great fervor on the air above Sakura’s head, summoning her again to help him out.

“I had p-pictured” SOB! “how m-my kids w-would look l-like” SOB! “w-with Sasuke-kun as t-their dad” SOB! “the m-males would have p-pink hair, you k-know…”

Simultaneously, Sasuke and Naruto winced at the image.

“…they would be d-dashing…” SOB! “and the girls w-would have b-black hair” SOB! “w-with green eyes like their m-mom” SOB! “All mysterious and p-pretty…” SOB!

Naruto sighed. “You know Sasuke’s not the only male out there, Sakura-chan. There are about a thousand other males in Konoha who have black hair!” He sad as he continued petting Sakura , which made Sasuke roll her eyes in exasperation. Sakura, in all honesty, was just getting all too melodramatic.

“Yada!” Sakura exclaimed vehemently. She bolted upright, snapping her spine to a rigid pole-like state. “I have sworn off guys with black hair from this day forward!” She furiously wiped her tears away using her knuckles and faced Naruto.

“Would you do me a favor?” Sakura asked him imploringly. Sasuke frowned, when, like one besotted fool, Naruto nodded automatically to Sakura’s request.

“Anything,” Naruto said, taking Sasuke’s ire a notch higher. The, as if to make things far more annoying and never grating than it already was, Sakura just suddenly hugged Naruto’s arm held on to it like it was her last God given salvation in life.

“Anything?” Sakura whispered tearfully. She snuggled his arm further into her embrace, and pressed her face on the spot on his arm nearest his armpit.

Naruto hesitated. He looked a tad wary, most likely due to Sakura’s insistence and the probability of a hidden trap in her words. Only after a very lengthy pause did he finally gave his confirmation.

“Hai.”

“Took you long enough to answer,” Sakura commented mournfully. She sniffled, and at the same time, took a whiff of Naruto’s underarm. “Good thing you don’t smell. I could have died.”

Sasuke was on the brink of chuckling, smirking, snorting or any combination of the three at what Sakura said. Thing is, the acrid burning in the pit of her stomach was eating away at everything that she considered comical and funny. In addition to that, her desire to have a LARGE, GAPING cavern appear between Sakura and Naruto was taking up most of her mental functions, and nothing else was clearly registering in her brain. In fact, there were several voices whispering harshly in her head (which most likely were the voices that constitute the laws of Uchiha Sasuke’s character) but she could hardly discern what it was they were trying to relay to her.

It was almost to Sasuke’s relief when her illogical thoughts tamed themselves a bit as Naruto sighed exasperatedly and attempted to wriggle his arm from Sakura’s grip.

“Saku-chan,” he huffed. “Would you just tell me what is it?”

“Well, if you are just going to sound that reluctant,” Sakura replied tearfully. “I’m probably better off asking Lee about it.”

“That might not be a bad idea,” Sasuke piped in, unable to stop her runaway tongue.

Naruto once again glared at her, bearing an expression on his face that said “would it kill you to show a little sympathy?”

“I’ll be able to help you better than Lee could.” Naruto said, and patted her on the cheek. He smiled crookedly when Sakura raised her head up and inched her face closer to him. On the other hand, because of this, Sasuke was barely able to conceal the twitch that her body spontaneously generated.

“Really?” Sakura insisted pitifully, her doe-like eyes glistening.

Naruto nodded. “Sure.”

Sakura bit her lips and smiled tentatively. She looked so dopey, cheesy and too over-the-top romantic that Sasuke was finding it hard not to hurl down the front of Sakura’s shirt accidentally.

“Thanks, Naruto.” Sakura said, appearing as though she had completely forgotten about her request. Well, so much the better, Sasuke though. She has this nasty feeling that whatever it is Sakura wanted, it definitely would not be good.

The conversation should have been done with at that point, for which Sasuke could not have been more thankful and relieved. However, Sakura remained in the position she was in as she continued to peer at Naruto with her doleful eyes. From the way it would seem, Sakura had gotten back onto the main subject of her concern. She tugged Naruto closer to her and murmured in a voice filled with woe:

“If by the time I turn 30, and I still don’t have kids, you will give me one, right?”

Naruto quirked his mouth to the side; an annoyed expression coming over his face.

“What makes you think I,” he stressed, “would not be married then and have kids of my own?”

He pulled a bit away from Sakura, taking a deep breath as he gathered steam for his argument.

“You know, if you would quit going for people who look like boys but truly are not, your chances of getting hitched may turn out to be greater than mine. Take that Uchiha for example. Apparently, she is not a guy, but you, nonetheless, had fallen for her—hook, line and sinker.”

“Are you implying that I’m a lesbian, Naruto?” Sakura asked sharply, abandoning her woe begotten act.

Sasuke eyed Sakura and Naruto as they faced off, feeling highly irritated at the fact they were still like pretzels twined together and with only an inch or two of space between them. She wanted to yank Sakura away from Naruto but the laws of her character forbade her to do so. It would look weird, they said. Besides, she really had no business yanking Sakura away. It’s not as though she cared if Naruto's private space was being invaded or that his face was only an inch from Sakura’s fuming one.

Just that, honestly, couldn’t Sakura have taken a step back or two away from where she was It’s not as though she wouldn’t be able to glower at Naruto from the other end of the room

“I’m not, Saku-chan,” Naruto replied in as much of a cutting tone as Sakura had used. “I’m just saying that I’m the one guy you could have fallen for but you didn’t!”

Sasuke, at that very moment, would have sworn that she had turned blue with the bile that had risen from the bowels of her stomach. She was going to be sick. She could not believe what Naruto had said. Furthermore, she could not believe was feeling this way. The laws of her character were currently raging at her, demanding for her to stay composed, and simply watch, completely docile. She has no business interfering. Most importantly, she has no right to kick Naruto out of the house and not let him in until he took back what he said. She had to follow the natural order of things and be the reserved Sasuke who will only detain the between Naruto and Sakura.

Sakura looked taken aback by Naruto’s outburst. But, then, after a second, a smile started to tug at the corner of her lips, which told Sasuke that it was the nice sort of surprise that had got to her. She was happy, that much was obvious, yet still her eyebrows kept up with the attempt of clashing together to form a frown.

“What are you saying? Of course I HAD fallen for you, you dim wit!” Sakura returned, snarling as she did so. She jabbed a finger on his chest and continued, “I just didn’t want to you know because I hadn’t planned on ending up choosing between you and Sasuke. You didn’t know how much effort I placed so you would not end up getting hurt! Because I am your friend! And what do I get for my efforts? Your insults, you big oaf!”

“Well, Sasuke’s not a boy now is she? Yet, look at what you’re still doing!” Naruto yelled back.

In response to this, Sakura uncharacteristically became calm. The fury she had been exhibiting earlier seemed to have just suddenly went up and kicked the bucket. Proceeding this disastrous turn of events was the appearance of a tentative smile on Sakura’s face.

It was supposedly a very cute, a very endearing moment, yet Sasuke winced. She pinched the bridge of her nose, sensing the arrival of a huge bludgeoning headache. She could not truthfully find the reason why she was (is) here in the middle of this badly written soap opera, which was (is), by the way, getting worse by the second.

Indeed, if there’s one thing that she would have wanted to happen at that moment, it was for Sakura and Naruto to be interrupted. Let a natural disaster occur right at their feet, or better yet—

“I HAD, HAD, fallen for you, Naru-chan. Weren’t you listening?” Sakura said, jarring Sasuke from her mental ramblings,. Sakura had an expression on her face that was so beguiling, Sasuke was hard pressed not to shake her and bring to her attention that she ought not to be acting that way, especially not around Naruto, of all people!

Naruto harrumphed, obviously not pacified by Sakura’s answer. He disentangled himself from Sakura (at loving last!), stood up and turned his back to them. .

“You could have the courtesy to tell me before. You know, as a friend,” he grumbled.

He pivoted in place and stood before them once again, his face a mess of emotions Sasuke could not even begin to fathom.

“I could have gotten over this days, weeks, or months ago if you have told me. Now(r), you’re making me all confused!”

Most likely befuddled by what Naruto said, Sakura gaped—looking all too nonplussed.

“Confused about what?” she asked. Sasuke could hardly fault Sakura for sounding curious for she too feels the need to demand from Naruto an explanation to clear up his complaint. Truthfully, prodigy though she might be, Sasuke could not even attempt to try breaching the level of inanity his speech has reached.

Unfortunately, instead of giving the corresponding answer to Sakura’s query, Naruto let out a frustrated yell. Without signaling them as to what he would do next, he turned back to his original male form.

Sasuke frantically grappled the air for something that would anchor her in place. Finding nothing after a nano second of searching, the powers of the love potion overcame all of her self-control. Really, who could blame her if she threw herself at Naruto and started sucking on his… neck?

“Ack!” Naruto gasped. Directing his succeeding words to Sakura, he said, “I’m confused about this!” He pointed at Sasuke, then at Sakura, “And you! And everything! Couldn’t anything just be simple?”

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I am well now and hopefully I would be able to post up the next chapter soon :) Thank you for all of you readers out there and the ones who I was able to befriend here in aff, fanfiction.net, and tonfa. Thanks so much.