The Traveling Pussy

Chapter 29: Ibiki’s Party

I strode past everyone in the hallway and stomped down the stairs as well as you can stomp in bare feet and in slinky sliver mini-dress with no back. I don’t know why I was so angry—oh, hell, I did. Ibiki didn’t like parties, and I’d forced him into one and was planning to flirt like hell. Now I was going to suffer exactly what I planned for him—wanting to be alone, wanted to have sex now, and madly jealous that my lover was looking so fucking hot around a lot of good-looking people of the opposite sex.

When I got down stairs, I screamed in real rage before I took in everything. The first thing I had seen was Ibiki French kissing Ino. Then I realized the orange diamond shape on his right shoulder blade was angled wrong. When I breathed a sign of relief and looked around, I realized there were eight Ibiki’s all around the room. Everyone was laughing at my scream. I laughed too. I went up to the Ibiki who’d been kissing Ino. It was likely Shikamaru or Kiba. I put my arms on the back of the fake Ibiki’s shoulders and pressed my face into that not quite right back and took a deep sniff saying, “Wow! You had me fooled for a second there, Kiba—or is it Akamaru? You two and your little games. It’s so hard to tell you two apart! Are you two still into threesomes?”

The moment of doubt that crossed Ino’s face was precious, and Kiba-Ibiki started laughing until he was punched by Ino and became Kiba again. I looked around again giving the Ibiki’s head to toe looks. The one by the door put his hand up and rubbed the back of his neck—the classic nervous Naruto posture. He also had suppressed his chakra entirely too much—my god did he think Ibiki was that weak? I licked my lips and slunk over in my sexiest walk to the Naruto-Ibiki. I said in a husky voice, “Baby, if you teach my Ibiki your Kage Bushin no Jutsu I’ll give you a tape of one of our training sessions.” The mouth of Naruto-Ibiki fell open, and “Ibiki” blushed dark red. I added, “Oh, well, I guess that would be a little boring for you since no Sexy no Jutsu was involved.”

At that Naruto transformed back into himself and began shouting I was a worse pervert than Jiraiya, and I deserved all the torture I was going to get living with Ibiki. Anko came up and dragged Naruto outside, which made us all laugh harder, myself included. While I had or used to have a reputation as a slut, Anko was unabashedly a sexual fetishist. But I had faith in Naruto’s ability to elude her.

At this point Shuichi came in from the backyard and barreled into me, hugging me and wanting to talk about his song. Naruto and Anko were now shouting at each other, and a lot of folks, Iruka included, drifted out to watch that. When Shuichi noticed the four remaining Ibiki’s, he started running around between them trying to help me tell them apart. I was only confused between two of them. Kakashi was nowhere in sight, so I was pretty sure the exactly perfect copy was of course his, courtesy of his Sharingan. So one was likely Guy, who would find it impossible not to try to outdo his “eternal rival.” I was certain the Konohamaru was the other poorly done copy—what Naruto did, Konohamaru loved to do.

I caught Shuichi, by the hand to stop his running and set out to eliminate Guy, “Ah, Shuichi, you have so much energy! You truly are in the springtime of youth! It is wonderful to see. I was so proud of your singing tonight! Such a beautiful ballad of love! Look, see how Gai-Sensei was so moved by your singing, he is tearing up right now!”

I let go of Shuichi who immediately ran and pestered Gai-Ibiki with praise and questions, and the two of them began to cry together, Gai returning to his normal form. I was thinking now about how to best determine if the bad replication of Ibiki was Konohamaru when Iruka came in from outside and ordered in the voice that had terrorized a decade plus of Konoha academy students, “Kakashi, Guy, Shuichi, and Konohamaru get out here! Volleyball challenge—Naruto, myself, Kakashi, Shuichi, Ritsuka, and Mikage against Guy, Lee, Anko, Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon.”

I wasn’t surprised when two Ibiki’s transformed into Kakashi and Konohamaru. I was glad the game intervened because the only way I could probably figure out the difference between Ibiki and a Sharingan-made replication of Ibiki would involved using trivia from the Icha, Icha series or stuff that absolutely couldn’t be done in public.

I went over to my Ibiki and hugged him, saying, “Hey, sexy, why don’t we get a drink and go watch the game?”

Ibiki’s hand ran over my bare back, and he smiled at me, and suddenly this was the best party I’d ever been to. I spent the next half an hour leaning back against Ibiki, feeling those straps and buckles against my bare back, his arms around me, sipping my favorite beer, and laughing like crazy at the volleyball game. Shino had put a mix tape on, so he could come over and watch too.

When Naruto’s side got behind, Ritsuka ordered Shino into replace him. When Shino started to go play with his dark glasses on and big coat, Ritsuka, to everyone’s amusement, yelled out, “Shino! Take off those glasses and your coat! It’s dark out! No one plays volleyball in a coat like that, baka!” Underneath the coat, Shino only had on a sleeveless t-shirt, very tight. A lot of mouths dropped open, and Anko’s play got even more erratic from that point on since she was drooling a lot now at both Naruto and Shino. Ritsuka also attracked a lot of attention since jounins, ANBU-level jounins, didn’t usually let themselves be treated like dogs by academy students.

Shino’s dad showed up, and to my delight, accepted a beer and stood with his hand on Ritsuka’s shoulder. He soon was crouched down, so he and Ritsuka could whisper together as they watched Shino who was now putting his all into it and looking really sexy. Not surprisingly, Ibiki dragged me away insisting we had to check the status of the food and drinks. I didn’t mind despite the comic hilarity of the game and chance of watching some of Konoha’s sexiest ninjas (that I would never have sex with) get sweaty—Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto, Shino, and, yes, little Shuichi. But in that outfit of his, Ibiki just had to ask, and he would get.

There actually was a bit of a crisis with the food—Chouji had showed up hungry since we’d gone out to the garden, and the buffet tables were empty. Ibiki must have anticipated this because he whispered to me that he had a more food in the basement, which was of course locked and fastened with a barrier that could only be opened quietly by Ibiki or me. Well, actually, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and maybe Kakashi could get it open too, but I didn’t think they would have any reason to break into our basement.

Ibiki pulled Chouji off for a chat, and I went and started replacing the devoured buffet. To my surprise lazy Shikamaru helped Ino and me with the food although he grumbled the whole time. I had a feeling that Ino and Shikamaru felt guilty about not stopping Chouji from eating everything in sight, but, hey, I knew when I wrote the invitation to the “big-boned” guy that it was a risk we’d have no food. At any rate, since Chouji was no drunk, we were in no risk of running out of drinks. And a party with lots of drinks and no food wasn’t really a problem—oh, but, I lived here—yeah, it might be a problem.

I was still fussing with food when Aburame Shibi, Ritsuka, Mikage, and Shuichi came over to say good-bye and head back to the Aburame mansion. It was really getting dark now despite the garden lighting, and most people were drifting inside. I was surprised to find Ibiki, Chouji, Genma, Shizune, and Raido playing poker in the dining room when I drifted back into the house. I watched for a while, standing behind Ibiki, rubbing his neck and shoulders before Konohamaru came up and asked me to dance. I looked at him confused—his girlfriend Moegi was here, and I was clearly busy, but Ibiki said, “Go ahead, Babe, dance all you want.”

I gave Ibiki a few kisses on his neck and ear, and one lick on that sexy new earring, before following Konohamaru out to the patio. Just as we got outside, the snappy dance tune ended, and Shino put on a slow song. I frowned over at him, irritated, and he grinned at me. Konohamaru pulled me into his arms, and I tried to dance in the least provocative way possible.

“Hey, don’t worry, I just wanted to ask you discretely if what Iruka said was true. Did you know that one of the Ibiki clones was me?”

“I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but I had the feeling that what Naruto did, you would do,” I said. “And you had some of the scars wrong—not to be mean, but your replication wasn’t jounin-level.”

“You’ve got all his scars memorized?” asked Konohamaru in a fascinated voice.

“Of course, he’s my lover, idiot!”

“So what were you going to do to expose me?” my dance partner asked.

“Well, I was thinking of making Moegi get you to switch back by some threats,” I said.

“She’s tough; you couldn’t shake her,” he said with pride in his girlfriend.

“Do you think Ibiki wouldn’t get revenge on you if we got even vaguely sexual?” I asked curious.

The sudden increase in the distance between us made me laugh. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “You had the scar from where I bit his arm and drank his blood wrong. I don’t think I’d have had to resort to the real nasty mindgames with you—you’re a nice kid, after all, aren’t you?”

Konohamaru stopped even pretending to dance and said, “God, Iruka was trying to protect Kakashi with that volleyball game wasn’t he?”

I just raised my eyebrows and said, “Thanks for dance, Konohamaru. I’m so glad you’re having fun at my party.” I turned around and noticed Ino and Sai were slow dancing. I thought about trying to dance with Sai to annoy Ino, but decided against it and went over to the buffet to get some food. The poker game wouldn’t last all night, and Chouji would undoubtedly be hungry again when the game was over.

I ate and circulated, danced with my old genin teammates, watched more of the poker game, and circulated some more. I got a piece of popcorn stuck between two of my teeth and headed upstairs to get it out with a piece of floss. I unlock the door to the master bedroom, heading for the bathroom there and was absolutely stunned at what was happening on the bed I shared with Ibiki. It wasn’t at the sex stage—yet—no doubt the reason the door wasn’t sealed with a jutsu. But there was no mistaking that wild shock of blonde hair and that rich, rich red hair. Gaara was on top of Naruto, kissing him and dry humping him. Naruto’s arms were around the sand nin, indicating he wasn’t being assaulted.

I’m sure they noticed me, but Gaara wasn’t looking at me and wasn’t letting Naruto up for air. I grinned—it was really a clever way to indicate that I shouldn’t chase him or try to use him to jerk Ibiki’s chain. I just said, “Don’t leave any sand in the sheets,” in a quiet whisper and backed out. I used a concealment jutsu on the door.

I went down to the dining room to see if I could consult with Ibiki. The poker game was down to just Ibiki and Genma. Damn, it would be so uncool to interrupt Ibiki at this point. On the other hand, I was sure Ibiki would want to know about Gaara if he didn’t already. I was hoping he did. At any rate, I just asked Shizune in a whisper that I knew Ibiki would hear, “Hey, when did Gaara show up?”

“The Kazekage’s here already?” asked Shizune, which told me a number of interesting things like Shizune knew the sand nin was in town and planning to come to my party, and she also knew Gaara’s plans in detail.

Ibiki threw down his cards, abruptly, saying, “It’s all yours, Genma, got to go personally welcome the Kazekage to my home. It’s not everyday I get such a distinguished guest.” There was just the slightest bit of emphasis on the “personally” in Ibiki’s comment. “So, where is our distinguished guest, babe?”

I could feel myself turning bright red, and my hand flew to my mouth—classic signs of guilt. Ibiki raised one eyebrow and tilted his head, and I caved.

“He’s up in our bed trying to get the pants off of one of our other guests.”

Ibiki vanished with a puff of smoke, and a second later most of the other jounins in the dining room did too. I sat down in the chair Ibiki had vacated and put my head down on the table, moaning. I felt a tap on my shoulder—Chouji handed me a plate of carmels. From Chouji, that meant a lot. I smiled at him and said, “Thanks, Chouji.” Shikamaru sat down in Genma’s seat and took the pack of cards and shuffled it, saying, “How about a quick game of Go Fish? Everybody who wants in sit down.”

Clever, clever, kind Shika! Of course proposing a childish game like that distracted people into teasing Shika. But a bunch of us sat there and started to play the silly game. A little later, the jounins came down the stairs en masse, complaining about a wild goose chase. But Ibiki said nothing, just picked me up and sat back in his chair, holding me on his lap. He took over playing Go Fish as if it was his hobby, and nobody said anything directly to either of us about Gaara. When the game was over, Ibiki excused us saying we needed to check on Shino and the food.

On the way outside, he whispered in my ear, “I’m letting them spend the night in the basement. We can watch the video together later.”

I looked at him in shock, and then we both started laughing hysterically. Our laughter only got worse when we noticed one of Naruto’s clones making out with Anko on the dance floor. We went over to chat up Shino. Ibiki urged him to keep playing slow songs, so we could watch Anko and the Naruto clone basically make love on the dance floor. After about twenty minutes, I whispered to Ibiki, “How can she not know it’s a clone? It she that drunk? Or does she just not care?”

Ibiki laughed again and said, “Do you really care? Why don’t we dance?”

“If we dance, I think we might get arrested for lewd behavior in public,” I said.

“Please?”

Well, of course, I spent the rest of the night dancing with Ibiki. It really was the best party I’d ever been to.