Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: July 14th 2006, Friday
second version: September 19th 2008, Friday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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29: Almost laid

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He tried to hide it, but it was clear that Sasuke was uncomfortable with having so many people in his room. Three guests shouldn’t be a crowd, but Naruto knew that Sasuke was sensitive about his personal spaces and belongings. His eyes kept fluttering around nervously, checking where they were sitting, standing, what they were touching. Lee behaved, he was a well-mannered person, but Gaara was being mean. He touched this and that, asked about the furniture, the wallpaper and everything, even the view; asked if Sasuke could see any girls change from his window, as if Gaara really cared about that.

Lee was most interested in Sasuke’s flower… Err, no, plant. Naruto had called it a flower the first time he saw it and Sasuke had been snappy about correcting him. ‘It’s a plant, and don’t touch it.’ Naruto hadn’t said anything but he thought it was cute how Sasuke was picky about the flower/plant thing. Yes, flower was girly and the Bleeding Heart (what a sad name...) was a bit too majestic for it, but who cared really? Naruto had wanted to touch it; it was beautiful and had caught his interest immediately. Kind of like Sasuke himself.

Naruto tried his best to stay out of the way, to sit still and do nothing for the sake of Sasuke’s nerves and mood, but it hadn’t worked too well. It was difficult to be still when everyone else was moving around. Sasuke moved while keeping track of his ‘forced on me’ guests, Gaara while making Sasuke feel like he had to keep track of them and Lee while trying to make sure Gaara didn’t go too far. Despite his promise to himself to stay out of the way, Naruto moved around with the others, answering questions when he could to keep some heat off Sasuke.

He got a feeling though that while part of Sasuke wanted them all to go away, another part enjoyed the attention. The inspection of the CDs was a favorite. The moment Gaara’s eyes locked on the bookcase and he closed in on it, Sasuke seemed to completely forget about both Lee and Naruto. Each time Gaara pulled out a new CD and studied it the muscles in Sasuke’s face would tense, his forehead would wrinkle and his lips would form a thin line. Then when Gaara either asked about the CD, commented about it (‘I heard them once’ or ‘I like this’) or both, Sasuke’s features would gradually soften and he would answer or comment back. He hated it, but he really liked it all the same; someone was interested in his favorite possessions, of course he liked it. Had he been this absorbed when Naruto had looked through his CDs too? Had he looked this concentrated, this comfortable and at the same time edgy? He even smiled now and then; a small smile that flashed past his lips. It was lovely just watching him.

Not long after Gaara had stopped fiddling around with the CDs and let Sasuke come back to the real world, Kakashi-san came knocking on the door. He walked in despite Sasuke’s ‘go away!’, carrying a tray with lemonade and cookies, and asked if anyone wanted something else. Gaara said coffee but Sasuke said ‘no’ very firmly and Kakashi-san pouted.

Earlier, as soon as they had stepped inside the house Kakashi-san had come swishing into the hall, grinning and shouting ‘welcome!’ Naruto had felt Sasuke shrivel up in embarrassment.

‘What?’ he had growled; acting like it didn’t get to him. ‘You remember Lee, don’t you? And Naruto? Gaara is their friend. Go away.’

Kakashi-san had seemed even happier when Sasuke was rude to him and told Lee and Gaara not to mind ‘the moody teenager’. The fact that Sasuke and Lee were all beaten up and bruised didn’t seem to register in his mind. He had introduced himself as Sasuke’s landlord and babysitter, Lee had smiled said ‘pleased to meet you again!’ and Gaara had smiled his soft ‘I’m weird and a possible psychopath’ smile and said ‘hello’ in a soft voice. Naruto had grinned sheepishly and waved, hoping Kakashi-san couldn’t sense what he thought about doing with Sasuke later. No, he hadn’t decided to listen to Gaara just yet, but listening felt more and more desirable and reasonable by the second. He wasn’t sure what Kakashi-san would think about that. Sasuke had sighed loudly and angrily and decided they should go upstairs. ‘Now.’

Kakashi-san left the lemonade and cookie tray on the desk and left Sasuke’s room practically skipping. He sure loved teasing, that man; Gaara probably loved him. Once the door closed Sasuke grumbled ‘sorry’ to Gaara and said ‘he’s an asshole and likes to embarrass me. You can laugh.’ No one did, but Lee smiled politely and Gaara looked very amused. The tray was passed around and sitting on the floor they had lemonade and cookies.

They formed an off triangle as they sat; awkwardly conversing about things that didn’t really matter because they all didn’t really know each other but were still stuck in the same room. It looked strange, seeing as two of them were bruised and beaten up, but what could you do? Gaara and Lee were one corner and Sasuke and Naruto were two. Gaara leaned against Lee, looking sleepy (though Naruto knew he wasn’t); Lee had been a bit embarrassed at first, sitting like that when he had just barely met Sasuke, but Gaara persuaded him. It felt like they were dating more than Naruto and Sasuke were dating. Naruto couldn’t help but think about what Gaara had said about what they had done at the playground. Eww... but that was how much they were dating. They had done all of it, been through almost two years of togetherness. It felt like Naruto and Sasuke were babies in comparison.

Naruto wondered if there would come a day for them when Sasuke would grumble but eventually let Naruto cuddle him like Gaara cuddled Lee now, in front of an almost stranger. Sasuke was shy, even more so than Lee, but... maybe? The thought of having been together with Sasuke for that long made Naruto’s heart soar, then his stomach swirled violently as he thought of what they must have done after such a long time together.

What would Sasuke do if Naruto tried to cuddle him now? Throw a fit most likely; especially since he was already frustrated by having people in his room and Kakashi-san messing around. Seeing him, Naruto wasn’t sure that tonight would be such a good night for taking things further; which was horribly sad because how often did Iruka come home late? It was such a perfect opportunity. Stupid Gaara for stirring up Sasuke.

Naruto wasn’t even sure if he would be able to ask Sasuke to come and help with the laundry anymore. The thoughts about what could happen after the laundry had rooted so firmly in Naruto’s mind now that even if he didn’t mean to take advantage of Iruka’s absence, he would think about it and Sasuke would sense the vibes. He wouldn’t hear ‘I need to hang up some laundry, do you want to help me?’, he would hear ‘I have an excuse to be alone with you, do you want to go further?’ Would Naruto dare to ask when he knew that Sasuke would know what was on his mind, even though Naruto didn’t know if what was on his mind was what he wanted to do? Would Sasuke come along if he dared to ask? Did Sasuke want to go further? Did he think about these things? Would they go further today? Could you get more nervous? How much time had he to think before the washing machine was done? How much could a brain think before it exploded?

Lee and Sasuke were talking about something fighting related, finally starting to get more relaxed, Gaara had his eyes closed and Naruto was so nervous he could barely think. When Kakashi-san knocked, opened the door, waved with the phone and said ‘Iruka-san says not to forget the laundry,’ Naruto actually angrily yelled ‘I haven’t forgotten!’ Sasuke and Lee looked surprised, for the same reason; Kakashi-san and Gaara looked amused, for different reasons.

This was all Gaara’s fault. He was the one that had put those stupid going further ideas in Naruto’s head; Naruto would have been blissfully ignorant of the perfect opportunity if it weren’t for him. There was no princess thing. Gaara had probably just come up with that because he wanted to have Naruto think perverted things were normal. How could Naruto have listened to him anyway? He had been dating Lee for almost two years! There was a huge difference between them and Naruto and Sasuke. And Gaara was a pervert. Visions of what had happened in the playground house that was supposed to be Naruto and Sasuke’s place resurfaced and Naruto had to shudder. Stupid, stupid Gaara for playing with Naruto’s even stupider hormones. Aw, screw going further!

“Are you sure about that, Naruto?” the redhead wanted to know as if he could read minds.

“Yes,” Naruto hissed. “I remember.”

“So go,” Gaara smiled. “I’m sure it’s time.”

Kakashi-san had left; Lee and Sasuke looked confused and slightly awkward, both probably sensing the topic beneath the topic.

“Why don’t you guys go home already?” Naruto muttered. He tried to tell himself he could not hear his heart beating and that his face was not warmer than it should be. “You don’t have to be here.”

“Um, we can go,” Lee said slowly, frowning.

“If you want to be alone,” Gaara added.

“I didn’t mean...!” Naruto snarled, but before he could finish Sasuke stood and interrupted.

“I’ll walk you guys out,” he said.

“Naruto should come too,” Gaara purred. “Unless he’s already forgotten about the laundry.”

“Shut up about the laundry!” Naruto yelled. “I haven’t forgotten about the damned laundry!”

Lee and Sasuke looked surprised and confused again. Naruto refused to look at Gaara but felt that he was watching him. Why did it have to be such a big deal? Couldn’t it just... happen? Why couldn’t they just easily fall into it like in the movies?

“Let’s go,” Sasuke said and his voice carried a lot of half-annoyed ‘what’s wrong with you?’ aimed toward Naruto. Naruto didn’t want to look at anyone.

As if sensing the tension Kakashi-san was much less cheerful and all over them in the hall when they put on their shoes and jackets. Lee said ‘good bye’ politely, Gaara said ‘bye’ creepily and Naruto mumbled that he needed to get the laundry. Sasuke said nothing. The world outside had grown dark and the chill made Naruto grateful for jackets. Clouds huffed from their mouths. When they reached the street Lee and Gaara said bye before heading off in the direction of Lee’s house, side by side, holding hands.

Naruto felt deflated, both grateful and not that he and Sasuke were finally alone. He felt like he had ruined a birthday party and still couldn’t quite understand the anger, or frustration, or whatever it had been; or was. Maybe just nervousness gotten out of hand.

“What’s wrong?” Sasuke asked, but he didn’t sound as half-annoyed anymore.

“Nothing,” Naruto muttered. “I’m just...”

“What?”

Naruto sighed. It felt weird. He couldn’t remember them having talked like this before, trying to sort something out. Usually they just argued about small things, not about stuff that mattered; and this wasn’t arguing at all, just... It felt weird, and nice, that Sasuke could care enough to ask. It felt couple-ish.

“Are you still pissed about the fight?”

“No,” Naruto said, almost whined. “I just... have to get that laundry. I’ll be back soon.”

He started walking. Part of him screamed in frustration ‘just ask him!’ but another was grateful. Stuff like this shouldn’t be planned, it should just happen. The screaming part told the grateful part that life was not a movie where all you had to do to get your perfectly timed first kiss, first make out, first going further, first sex and happy ending with marriage was to follow the script. There was no script! In life you had to write your own script and accept that it wouldn’t be perfect. Actually, perfect was highly overrated. Naruto should know. Since when had his life been perfect? He always got grounded, his friends beat him up, they beat each other up, he fell in love with rude antisocial guys who insulted him for days and then beat him up and he was always on the border of failing his tests because he preferred comics to schoolbooks. And that was the good stuff; because really, it was good stuff. Yes, perfection was definitely overrated. But Naruto kept walking.

He had almost reached the lawn when Sasuke announced his footsteps by kicking a stone. Naruto spun around and didn’t know if it was the surprise or the fact that they were alone and close to his house that made his heart race.

“Why are you following me?”

Sasuke had stopped when Naruto had turned. His hands were stuffed in his pockets.

“What, I can’t come?”

“You can come if you want to,” Naruto muttered, the choice of words making his stomach swirl. He started walking again and pulled his keys from his pocket. Sasuke followed.

The hall was dark before Naruto flicked the switch; the only light they’d left on when they went to Sasuke’s house was the one above the table in the kitchen. Naruto was amazed by how his hands hadn’t been shaking at all when he handled the keys. Not that they should have, he told himself. They weren’t doing anything, just hanging the laundry. But being here alone with Sasuke and knowing what he’d almost decided he wanted to do made Naruto itch. He hurried to pull the clothes from the washing machine to the laundry basket. Sasuke stood waiting outside.

“What did Gaara say to you?” he asked suddenly and Naruto’s insides warmed to chill the second after. Frustratingly clever Sasuke. Naruto swallowed and fiddled with the clothes.

“I didn’t win that bet,” he said.

“The bet?” Sasuke frowned, Naruto could hear. He made up his mind, grabbed the basket, stood and turned around. Despite bruises and cuts, Sasuke was beautiful.

“Yeah. Lee beat me. He had sex with Gaara in there and I assume they made out first.”

Sasuke looked a mix of surprise and shock, of ‘I didn’t want to know,’ and ‘why the hell are you telling me?’ Naruto knew the feeling. Sasuke’s cheeks reddened, though he had to be fighting it.

“R-really?”

“Yeah. Have you slept with anyone?”

No. No, he did not just ask that. If Naruto looked half as terrified and shocked as he felt he must look ready to faint. Sasuke didn’t look all stable either. Where had that come from? Naruto had wondered of course, but actually asking about it had never even crossed his mind.

“W-why do you ask?” Sasuke went for the skeptic ‘did you just ask that?’ look but only sort of pulled it off.

“J-just curious,” Naruto said and made an attempt at the kind of stupid, cheerful ‘just kidding’ look as he fled past Sasuke with the basket and hurried off in the direction of Iruka’s office room. The man set up clothesline racks there when the seasons worked against hanging the clothes outside. Naruto wished with all his heart that Sasuke would just forget it.

“You’ve thought a lot about that?”

No such luck.

“Some,” Naruto said quickly and shrugged. “Who doesn’t?”

He wondered if that was a lie. Had he thought about it a lot? How much was a lot? Like once every day? Once every hour? But he couldn’t ask that, didn’t want to talk about this at all. He started with the laundry; his fingers were shaky now and it took longer than it usually did.

“Have you?” Sasuke asked and was suddenly by Naruto’s side, holding a pair of pants and clothespins; caught Naruto by surprise both with his presence and the question. “Slept with anyone?”

For a second Naruto had to watch him, his face hauntingly beautiful despite the fight with Lee. Who had won anyway? Oh yeah, Lee had. Sasuke was busy hanging the pants and didn’t meet Naruto’s eyes. He was just so beautiful. Naruto couldn’t imagine him doing anything like in those images his mind kept conjuring, not really. He was too beautiful.

“Nah,” Naruto stammered and shook his head. “Come on, I haven’t even dated anyone. I mean, before you. So have you?”

“No,” Sasuke said and one of Iruka’s shirts found its way to a line and was pinned down.

“Oh,” Naruto felt strangely relieved. “Well, we’re only fifteen. I think most fifteen year olds haven’t... you know, done it.”

“I tried, once,” Sasuke said, as if he hadn’t heard or didn’t want to hear. Naruto looked at him in surprise and stopped hanging clothes.

“There was this guy and we were sort of going out and... But it got weird. We didn’t do it.”

What was that feeling? That squeezing in his heart and that almost trouble breathing when images of Sasuke and ‘this guy’ trying to do it kept assaulting his brain. But his mouth was okay.

“Why? What guy?”

“Just this guy,” Sasuke shrugged and looked uncomfortable. “Back home. He’s a year older, we’re friends. And I don’t know, it... It was years ago and we didn’t know anything.”

He was a year older. The images bothering Naruto’s mind got clearer. Lee was a year older than Gaara but not really; Lee was born late and Gaara early. And years ago? How many years ago?

“Okay,” Naruto said and there must have been something in his voice; Sasuke turned finally to look at him and he was frowning.

“It was nothing,” he said.

“Okay,” Naruto found himself smiling and he shrugged. Sasuke’s eyes stayed hooked to his until many seconds had passed and then the last pieces of wet clothes were hung in silence.

“There!” Naruto said and faked cheerfulness when they were done. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” Sasuke said.

It was idiotic. Naruto had known that Sasuke had been with other guys, that was what experience was, right? It had nothing to do with what they had now. It had been years ago; years before Sasuke even knew Naruto existed and years before Naruto knew Sasuke existed. Naruto was being an idiot letting this get to him. So what if Sasuke had tried to do it with some guy that was a year older than him? They hadn’t even done it, just tried.

“So let’s go,” Sasuke said tiredly and grabbed the basket even though it was Naruto’s house and Naruto’s basket. Naruto got that couple-ish feeling again but this time it was frustrating. Everything was frustrating. He felt like he had to do something with himself but he didn’t know what. When Sasuke turned to walk away Naruto grabbed his wrist. Sasuke stopped so instantly that Naruto had to wonder if he’d expected it.

“I don’t want to go,” Naruto said.

Sasuke didn’t turn and didn’t speak. The thoughts of that guy, who he was, how he looked and what exactly he had done, what parts of Sasuke he had touched, gnawed in the back of Naruto’s mind. They wanted to drive him crazy. He lifted his other hand and whispered the tips of his fingers across the back of Sasuke’s arm, above his own hand. Sasuke didn’t move and didn’t pull away; he still wouldn’t speak.

“We’re alone,” Naruto said and swallowed. “I wanna stay here with you.”

He’d decided he didn’t want to, but now he did. Naruto wasn’t nervous now. Or, he was, but the nervousness had been whisked away and dumped beneath rocks and couldn’t get out. It didn’t scare him off anymore.

“I don’t want you to stop,” Sasuke said.

“Eh?” Naruto blinked. “Um, w-what do you...?”

“I want you to touch me,” Sasuke clarified without hesitation and without turning and Naruto suddenly felt the difference in experience. Naruto had really never tried to do it with a guy a year older than himself. His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it had moved up to the inside of his ears. Pounding, pounding, pounding.

“Not... all the way,” Sasuke clarified even more. “Not sex, just... Half the way.”

“Half the way?”

“If we stay I want to go half the way.”

Sasuke still hadn’t turned or even looked over his shoulder or even moved. Goosebumps had risen on his arms and Naruto found his fingers trailing them softly, softly, like they had a life of their own and didn’t care about what was said and that Naruto didn’t know what to do or say or think. He found words without knowing how.

“Alright,” he said and he sounded calm and resolved and like he didn’t care that he didn’t know what ‘half the way’ meant. He liked how ‘don’t stop’ sounded and at the same time it scared the life out of him. Naruto smiled and squeezed Sasuke’s arm in ‘okay’.

Sasuke walked first and Naruto followed, holding onto his wrist; almost holding hands, but not really. The laundry basket was abandoned at the bottom of the stairs. Some of the nervousness had returned, but it wasn’t the same kind as before. This wasn’t the nervousness over something that was going to happen soon, but the nervousness over something that was already happening. Sasuke didn’t turn and Naruto didn’t make him.

It was very calm really, just a walk upstairs; could have been for any reason or none at all. It was nothing like in the movies, where the couple almost stumbled over each other to reach the bed as fast as possible; and often did too, stumbled; kissing passionately, violently, never even stopping to breathe. It was nothing like that, they just walked. Didn’t kiss, didn’t even look at each other; Naruto hadn’t seen Sasuke’s eyes since Sasuke said that that with the other guy was nothing and Naruto said ‘okay’.

But it didn’t feel weird, it felt fine. It felt absolutely fitting and right and Naruto found himself feeling suddenly, for a short while, all giddy. Not because of what they were going to do, but because of how well things work out sometimes. It might seem weird at first glance, the way the world works, but actually it’s perfectly fine.

Sasuke opened the door to Naruto’s room and went inside, leaving the door open for Naruto to come in too. He did. Sasuke waited until the door clicked shut, then he turned and Naruto couldn’t help but marvel at the fact that this beautiful, all beaten up guy was his boyfriend. He smiled, but only for a second, then it turned to surprise as Sasuke came, quickly closing in.

The kiss was one of those ‘on the way to the bedroom’ movie kisses, but it was fine. Naruto’s smile came back almost immediately and he grabbed a hold of Sasuke’s hips as their tongues said ‘hello’ and ‘welcome back’ and ‘it’s only been hours but I’ve missed you’. They spent time like that, just kissing.

But instead of growing in intensity, like in the movies, these kisses grew softer; started out urgent and passionate and softened. But it wasn’t a bad thing, they didn’t soften to stop, to cut things off; they just softened to be softer, to calm the urgency.

Naruto had this feeling he was the one doing the calming, in the part of his brain that was lucid (the rest was mush). Sasuke was urgent, in a hurry; as if there was a time limit to this and he was scared they would reach it before getting far enough. Their hips pressed together and he was excited. Sasuke was a frightened guy, that very lucid part of Naruto’s brain knew. He was terrified of so many things. But there was nothing to be afraid of here.

‘Don’t be scared,’ Naruto’s tongue and lips said.

‘We’re here and we’re not going anywhere,’ his hands soothed, moving in soft circles around Sasuke’s too sharp hipbones. Naruto wondered how he could be so calm.

And Sasuke calmed down. His breathing slowed and his kissing slowed. His hands stopped gripping hard on Naruto’s shoulders, on his neck and his back and pulling on his hair almost painfully. He grew softer. More gentle.

It was natural when their mouths slipped apart, parted, an unforced ending to leave room for the next thing. Sasuke’s lips glistened and seemed more colored than they usually were. His mouth stayed slightly opened and his breath hit Naruto’s. He was blushing, but it probably wasn’t as much embarrassment as it was exertion.

“I’m not stopping,” Naruto murmured; even though he still didn’t know what Sasuke wanted, what he had meant by half way. Naruto could think of a lot of things that fit that vague tag and hoped at least a few of them was not what his boyfriend had in mind. But even if Sasuke did, Naruto realized he wouldn’t stop. Sasuke wanted to so it would be okay. Naruto licked his lips and swallowed.

“We’ve got time, okay?”

Sasuke’s body moved slightly with every breath he took, for every huff of breath that struck Naruto’s mouth. His dark eyes seemed murky in a way. Naruto’s hands had lives of their own, making circles on Sasuke’s hipbones. Then Sasuke suddenly took a step back, out of Naruto’s reach and in a quick motion he had pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. The nakedness didn’t seem to make him awkward; confident rather and not scared at all; even though the lucid part of Naruto’s brain knew he was, both awkward and scared.

The non-lucid part found it hard to focus on anything but that pale, soft-looking skin that had been revealed; it was busy admiring that beautiful, slim body at the same time as it wanted to strangle Lee for painting all those bruises on Sasuke. It wondered how many bruises were left that he couldn’t see because of the pants. One of them started just below his right hip bone and seemed to travel down the leg. Naruto’s touching before must have hurt.

First Sasuke swallowed, then he sighed and looked away.

“I know, I look horrible,” he grumbled, starting to get a bit awkward now. “But if you give me any ‘don’t want to hurt you’ crap I’ll fucking hit you.”

Naruto smiled, couldn’t help it and shook his head.

“I won’t,” he said. “But you don’t look horrible. You could never look horrible. You’re beautiful.”

For a moment Sasuke just stared and looked surprised; then he huffed and rolled his eyes. It looked like he wanted to say something, argue or insult, but he changed his mind; bit his lip for a moment, before finally speaking.

“Take off yours.”

Naruto’s heart beat hard once, but he pretended he heard a challenge in Sasuke’s voice and that helped push the nervousness away.

“Alright.”

He pulled his shirt over his head, as quickly and unhesitatingly as Sasuke had done it, and dropped it to the floor like he had too.

“Don’t give me any of that ‘you’re so messy’ crap, will you?” Naruto said. Instead of sighing and rolling his eyes, Sasuke smiled.

“Alright,” he said. “If you clean up that awfully tidy bed of yours.”

Ah, yes. The bed. Naruto blushed when he remembered and grumbling he went to work.

The idea he had gotten earlier that maybe he should clean up properly for once had grown from having the vacuum cleaner already there. Naruto had taken off his clothes when he came home from the playground side trip and sand had ended up everywhere. How some simple making out got sand in your underwear and deep in your pockets Naruto didn’t know, but it had. Before vacuuming though, to do it properly Naruto had had to put the stuff that was on the floor somewhere else. The bed had volunteered.

Unfortunately the actual cleaning had been interrupted when Gaara showed up and the bed remained a temporary home for dirty clothes, washed clothes, school books, a few soda cans and comics and the mats (fortunately shaken first). Being in a hurry, Naruto utilized the same method of cleaning that had gotten the bed dirty in the first place, dumping it all to the floor. For a finish he straightened out the sheets, shook the comforter and fluffed up the pillows.

“There!” Naruto threw his arms out and turned around. “Is that good enough for…?”

Sasuke’s sudden entire nakedness stole the rest of his words and he forgot about them. His mouth must have opened, his arms fell. The insides of him completely turmoiled and everything was rearranged, or so it felt. The bruise did wander down Sasuke’s leg.

Before Naruto had recovered Sasuke moved past him and crawled under the comforter. Only the very top of his head showed; for a moment Naruto could only stare at the bumpy form in his bed as his heart rate returned to normal and the blood rushed to where it should be (embarrassingly, but if the sight of that naked body wasn’t arousing then nothing was).

“You take too much time,” Sasuke said, his voice muffled by thick layers of fabric.

Naruto didn’t even try to protest. There was nothing to protest. Everything was soaring in the sky fine.

“Alright,” he said and his voice was a bit higher that it usually was. “Can I…? I mean… Do you want company in there?”

The Sasuke shaped comforter shifted, rustled.

“Sure.”

Naruto smiled, but the thought of lifting the fabric and crawling inside was slightly intimidating. Sasuke was in there and he was really naked and gorgeous. Eventually Naruto sat down on his knees beside the bed. He fingered with the sheets.

“H-hey, Sasuke?”

The Sasuke shaped comforter shifted again.

“What?”

“Can you come pick me up?”

He tried to make it sound humorous but wasn’t sure he pulled it off. The bed creaked and the comforter shifted more as Sasuke twisted, turned and moved closer to the edge at the side of the bed. Naruto waited and his heart beat hard. When the beautiful face peeked out close to Naruto’s he smiled nervously.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Sasuke said and he looked a bit embarrassed, a bit grumpy. “You coming?”

‘Not yet,’ Naruto’s mind whispered. ‘A bit more of you and I just might though.’

“Sorry,” he mumbled and had to be blushing. “I was just... It felt a bit... You’re naked.”

Sasuke sighed and looked sorry and even more embarrassed.

“I... I was just...” he muttered. “You take too much time, and... And I didn’t want it to be like last time. I didn’t want to recognize it.”

“W-why?” Naruto swallowed and felt a surge of badness run through him. He understood what Sasuke meant with last time meant and didn’t want to think about it.

“Because this is different,” Sasuke said and there was something in his eyes when he looked at Naruto that took somehow just swept the badness away. Naruto smiled.

“Okay,” he said and moved closer to press against Sasuke’s mouth with his own.

They kissed softly first; then more, and more. It was growing stronger this time, the intensity; more urgent. Naruto found his head slipping inside the cave of comforter; inside together with the darkness and the warmth and that smell. That Sasuke smell.

“Can I come in?” Naruto asked again between pants, once his mouth was free.

“I said you could, didn’t I?” Sasuke huffed and breathed hard.

“Yeah… But, I just…”

Sasuke sighed. Then he grabbed a hold of Naruto’s arms and pulled him inside; or attempted to, at least. Half way the comforter got stuck on Naruto’s pants and he ended up pulling it with him, so he was only inside from the waist and up. Sasuke was also only inside from the waist and up. If someone had decided to come in just then, things would have been embarrassing, Sasuke’s bare legs spread around Naruto’s. His privates would have been hidden, but it would have been clear that he was naked. The bruise down his leg would have showed.

“Sorry,” Naruto muttered and Sasuke sighed again. Still, things like this would be charming when they got older, right? Something to tell… well, maybe not the grandchildren, but they could tell it to each other.

It was one of those moments that a kiss could fix though, so Naruto kissed. And it wasn’t just a fix, it was a perfect bridge between an awkward ‘we’re half-naked’ situation and a pleasant ‘we won’t be half-naked for long’ one. With the kisses came hands and sounds; Sasuke’s hands in Naruto’s hair, sliding down his naked sides and wandering, Naruto’s hands cradling Sasuke’s face and then finding his waist, then wandering too. Moans and sighs, muffled by their cover.

It was different like this, with Sasuke this naked. Naruto could feel him, hard, and it was really him, just him; not pants covering him. Naruto’s palms got stickier when Sasuke was naked like this. He wondered when he would lose his own pants and how much of a difference it would make. He was nervous. Sasuke was shifting his hips, rubbing a slow dance against Naruto’s zipper. It felt so good it hurt and Naruto had to close his eyes.

“Wait,” he panted when their mouths separated. “Let me...”

He moved his hands to his pants to explain. It was so damn hot. He had to throw the comforter off their heads. The panting was loud now that it was unmuffled and Sasuke’s face was red, his forehead glistening with sweat.

“No, let me,” Sasuke breathed.

Naruto hesitated, then nodded and shifted, sat up and avoided looking down as he unhooked himself from the comforter and straightened it out over them. Feeling was one thing, looking right now was too... And Sasuke’s hands went to his pants. Fingers unbuttoned and unzipped as fast as if it was Sasuke’s own clothes. Wasn’t he nervous? Naruto’s fingers were shaking so bad he could barely handle the comforter. He had to shift again when the pants came down, put his own hands next to Sasuke’s and helped. He was hard. It was embarrassing and he felt as naked as he was. The pant legs took some more shifting. He pulled off his own socks.

Before Naruto really knew how it had happened they were lying on their sides facing each other, close, legs tangled, heads on pillows and covered. One of Sasuke’s hands trailed along Naruto’s side, the other fiddled with his hair. Naruto had one hand resting on Sasuke’s throat and the other against his chest, softly playing with one nipple and then the other. It was a moment of stillness; their breathing had calmed down and the urgency too, amazingly with how aroused they both still were. It took a long time before Naruto had gathered enough boldness to just whisper.

“Now what?”

“Now I want you to touch me,” Sasuke whispered back, like it was the only acceptable volume. It probably was.

Naruto swallowed.

He let the hand that had been playing with Sasuke’s chest trail down, slowly, and watched as it did. His stomach swirled at the thought and the warmth of him, across the slim stomach, tensing, down to the waist, further. When he felt the hair signal his arrival he swallowed again and looked up at Sasuke’s face. The dark eyes were closed and his mouth had opened slightly. Naruto shifted even closer, pressed one of his legs further in between Sasuke’s and the other higher up on his thigh. He kissed Sasuke’s lips and wrapped his hand around the hardness, tentatively at first. Sasuke flinched, shifted his hips and moaned into Naruto’s mouth. The hand that fiddled with Naruto’s hair grabbed his arm and the other grabbed his hip. Naruto let his other hand move up to cradle Sasuke’s head as they kissed, while the one that mattered moved.

Sasuke was a bad kisser when you touched him, Naruto had to be careful with his tongue. Soon he couldn’t kiss at all and tore free of Naruto’s mouth with a louder moan than Naruto didn’t think he had ever heard him utter. He wrapped his arms around Naruto’s neck and pressed his face between Naruto’s shoulder and throat. His hips moved, as if begging for a higher pace, and his sounds were entirely different from when Naruto just kissed him.

But this was entirely different, touching someone else. Naruto never could have imagined that it would be such a difference; he had done this a million times and now he barely recognized it. It was the same principle, the same movement, only mirrored, but still so... There were the actual physical differences; Sasuke was a hint longer and had a grace to him, if there was such a thing when describing these things. But those differences were not the biggest. There was just something to this now; like before it had been to get off and now it was to... to be together, to touch. There was intimacy here that made Naruto want to cry.

And just the thought of having it done to you was overwhelming enough that Naruto could understand why Sasuke couldn’t stop moaning against his throat or thrusting against his hand. One part of him worried if it was really supposed to be this intense, but the rest just wanted more of those sounds and those movements. It was horribly addictive, having him like this, having this private and shy person be this wanton against you.

Naruto wished he could see him, see how it felt, and he wished Sasuke would return the favor, especially when the thrusting hips sent the hardness pressing against his own. But for now this was enough. Naruto settled for the stickiness of their bodies pressed together and the sounds and the warm hardness in his hand, slippery from more than just sweat. It would be over soon, if Sasuke’s increased urgency was any indicator, and Naruto wanted to know he’d savored the moment.

‘Was this what Gaara meant?’ his mind silently wondered, but the thought was soon lost to ‘how will I be able to look at Sasuke again without remembering this? Will I have to skip school until he graduates?’ School... It felt like a different life. The world outside this, outside this bed seemed so far away.

‘Will I have to wear a blind fold? And earplugs? How will I be able to hear his voice without remembering this?’

But maybe that was the point.

And then Sasuke tensed and gave one last moan, and Naruto felt the pleasure seep between his fingers. The tension in Sasuke’s muscles lasted and lasted and when it fell away he gave a long, shaking breath against Naruto’s throat and was then still and silent, limp as seaweed. Naruto gave him a moment before breathing his name.

“Sasuke?”

The arms around Naruto’s neck hung loose and Sasuke’s face left Naruto’s skin; his head falling back on the pillow. Was he dead? Naah, he was fifteen years old, that wouldn’t kill him. He was probably just…

Naruto suddenly remembered that rainy day when Sasuke had walked home from school without a raincoat and passed out in Naruto’s arms. He had told Naruto more about those ‘shut downs’ as he called them now, that sometimes when he got stressed or had too much on his mind his brain shut down and he passed out. He had told Naruto not to worry if it happened again, that he would be fine. Now, Naruto never could have guessed that getting off would be stressful enough to pass out over and it hadn’t been anything like last time; no trouble breathing, no trying to get away; Sasuke had just seemed to really enjoy himself. But Naruto supposed that maybe there was a light version shut down that Sasuke had failed to mention. Or maybe a happy version that only happened in situations like this, Sasuke had had no reason to mention that then.

“Sasuke,” Naruto tried a bit louder, but there was no reaction from the guy, not even a flinch; just a soft, steady breathing and the calmest expression. He didn’t look in trouble, he just looked asleep; and he had said he would be fine. Of all the unexpected things this day had offered, this had to be the strangest. And probably the most frustrating, now that the initial surprise of having Sasuke suddenly go all limp had settled.

Naruto pouted. He wanted some of what he had given; he was itching, still hard from the show Sasuke had given. He frowned at his messy hand and wanted a sink too. But wasn’t Sasuke just adorable like this? Asleep in Naruto’s arms, all naked and defenseless; no frowning, no glaring, no tension, just softness. His breath came in soft wheezes. Naruto couldn’t move away, or really complain either. Would Sasuke wake up again soon, like that other time? How soon?

After half a minute or so of waiting, Naruto sighed and brought the messy hand to himself. With the memories of Sasuke before and the reality of Sasuke now, it wasn’t difficult. Afterwards he used a corner of the sheets as towel and made sure they were comfortable and comfortably covered.

He sorted out the strands of hair that hung in Sasuke’s face and watched the sleeping beautiful boyfriend of his, so selfish in the way he just left Naruto to be awake alone, but at the same time so adorable that Naruto didn’t have the heart to hold it against him. Maybe in the morning.

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