A Thousand Miles

To Have a Purpose

I woke up the next morning to bright sunlight shimmering through a polished window. I yawned and stretched lazily, slowly bringing myself up into a sitting position. Wait...why did I wake up? I'm not supposed to wake up! I'm supposed to be dead! Maybe...maybe I'm already in heaven. It sure is bright enough. And everything in here is white. Heaven is pure, white is pure. Yes, that must be it. I'm in heaven. I smile slightly. At last. I have peace. I will be warm. I will be happy. I jump up off the bed, but collapse onto the floor in a boneless heap as my world tilts and whirls on some unknown moving axis. I shake my head slightly to clear my vision. Why am I so dizzy?

A soft knock and a white and red-robed figure, topped off with a white Hokage hat with a red kanji symbol on it that I can't quite read yet, figure slipped in. Wait a minute...Hokage hat...red symbol...I'm still in Konoha! What!? What is going on!? I thought frantically

"Why am I here?" I almost whispered when he had closed the door. I wanted that black calm again. I didn't feel anything there.

"Because I found you bloody and passed out in the forest near the Hokage cliffs on my morning walk," the Third Hokage answers gravely. "Naruto, what were you trying to do? Why were you trying to do this? What were you think-"

"Why. Am. I. Here?" I grate out slowly.

"I said, because you were found-"

"NO! I ASKED, why am I HERE!?" I nearly screamed.

"Naruto..."

"I don't want to be here," my voice dropped to a whisper again. "It's too cold. I don't want to be cold anymore. I was really warm for the first time last night."

"Naruto...were you trying to kill yourself?" the Hokage's voice was almost as soft as mine.

"Yes," I whispered. I didn't want to deny it. I had wanted that sweet, warm peace that the horrible "monster" they called "death" brought. I needed it. I didn't want to hide that need. There was no point.

"I won't ask why...I think I have an idea. But...where did you get this idea? How did you know how to..." He never finished.

"I got the idea from books. I've read a lot. I act like a stupid idiot. I act crazy. But I'm not as stupid as I act. I like books, and I don't care what anyone calls me. They let me forget, even for a little while...and that's all that matters," I reply in my still whisper-soft, but steady voice. I'm holding back my anger for now. I want to see where this goes.
"Kami-sama help us..." the Hokage murmurs. "Naruto...I said I wouldn't ask this...but if you wanted, would you mind...explaining to me...why you wanted to die? You don't have to. I just wanted to know. Just me. No one else would ever know. Your choice, Naruto. I won't press for answers."

"Before I say anything to that..um...Hokage-sama...where are we?" I asked tentatively, my too-big, cerulean eyes timidly peering up through a blond fringe up at the Sandaime.

"Oh! We're in the infirmary of the Hokage Tower. No one else is in here really, and this place is only kept for dire need and it is well maintained, but hardly ever used. I figured you wouldn't want anyone to face when you woke up," he answered cheerily enough, considering the circumstances.

"I see. So we're alone?"

"Quite right."

"I wanted to die because it's too cold here. It's so cold it hurts. It hurts here," I gripped at the left side of my chest with my bandaged little right hand. Wait, bandaged? I look at it, and remember in flashes...I had made such a deep cut. Why hadn't I died?

"...Naruto?" the Sandaime asked after a few moments of silence.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking. I feel a little...like everything’s a bit far away. Kind of...dazed, I guess. I'm sorry. Like I said...I'm so cold. I just couldn't stop shivering yesterday...and when I dragged the kunai across my skin, I felt this burning...I was warm. I couldn't get enough of it, and then I realised I had to get serious-"

"Get serious?" the Hokage interrupted my story.

"Yes, get serious. I couldn't mess around with the kunai all night, now could I? I would never get my peace then. And there was no point in keeping the warmth here when I could have it forever in heaven. I had no point here anyway, If everyone hates me so much...why am I here? That was the thought running through my head then. I wanted that warmth so badly...and there was no point in staying here. So I wanted to leave. Go somewhere where I could be happy." Phew! Long story.

"Naruto. If I said I could give you a purpose...would you want to stay alive? Even if you were still cold, but if you had a purpose...would life be worth living?" the older man asked gently, tentatively.

A/N:Sorry people, short chapter...not that many people read this anyway, but still. Warning for next chapter: I kind of...borrowed an idea from another author (of Melek in Olum). It was such a brilliant idea, I just had to put my own spin on it. Sorry if I've offended anyone (especially the author). A thousand thanks to my reviewers for the warm welcome that I really don't deserve. Until next time, mon cheries!