God hates me

Well...hello there everybody! I'm back, as U can see. Here's the newest chapter of 'God Hates me'. Sorry it took me so long to write this, but U know, things happens and all. I was kinda thinking about giving up this project... but somehow I ended up writing a next part. When I got 17 rev. for the first chapter I was so happy (X3) But when the sec on received only 3 rev. (thank U Mangagirl D.J., I love U ;) ) i thought: OMFG was it really that bad?! But hell... what am I talking about? Just read the story and leave me a review and I'll be happy.

!!!TO CARMEN!!!: Umm... please grab a sandwich or something before U start to read, OK? I'm not sure if my life insurance will pay my family any money if I would be killed by "A walking, talking, swearing dead-skeleton." Also thx for the rev (same to blue_genjutsu,animehead,sephirothsslave, and everybody else who reviewed the 1st chappy. X3 Love ya guys!).

Dedicated to... Mizukage, my beta! I luv you!


Chapter 3


Pretty Kitty?


'...' Naruto thoughts
/.../ Sasuke thoughts

"So... You left the room while Iruka wasn't watching because he didn't let you eat ramen?" Itachi asked with amazed voice.
"Yes, can you believe that he said that Ramen, Ramen of all things, is unhealthy!!!" Naruto was shaking his head in horror. "...Unhealthy my ass..." He snorted to himself taking a long sip of his mug filled with instant ramen.
The three of them were currently sitting in Captains cabin and chatting. Well... Itachi and Naruto were chatting and Sasuke was glaring daggers at them. Blond boy must have felt it because he shifted uncomfortably.
"Itachi-san, I think I'll go.... sightseeing. You know... ship an all..." As he said that, he stood up and run through the door.
"You scared him Sa-chan." Itachi smirked.
"Oh just fuck off, will ya... I-chan" And Sasuke tried his best not to laugh at his brothers face expression... and failed miserably.

#.#

When Naruto left the room, he managed to make only few steps when the door behind him opened. He looked back and saw Sasuke.
'OK, this is going to be hellishly pleasant chat' The boy thought when the older teen closed the distance between them, smiling brightly.
/Concentrate Sasuke, and try not to fuck it all up more than it already is!/
"Hey Naruto-kun! If you're going to explore the ship I can give you a tour."
/OK, this should work. He's on enemy territory. He's frightened. So... he would like to be with person he already knows, right?/ Wrong.
"No." Blond answered, before turning around and living Sasuke alone.
'Don't try to pretend I don't know about the bet you asshole!' Naruto thought angrily.
/Ugh... You. Little. Brat... When this all is over I swear to God, you'll end up as a fish-food!/ As you can see Sasuke deep inside is sweet and loving... or maybe not.
"Naruto-kun! Wait up!" Sasuke chased after the boy. He almost crashed into him when said blond stopped dead in his track.
"What. Do. You. Want?!" He asked younger Uchiha and glared at him. That was the moment Sasuke realized that maybe the blond wasn't that stupid and gullible after all.
"Do you want me to be honest with you?" All sweets and flowers were gone. Now before Naruto stood real Sasuke: angry, irritated and to say at least, not very happy. The boy was slightly thrown out of balance by that sudden change, but nodded nonetheless.
"I'm not into men. And even if I was gay, I wouldn't touch you. I don't like stupid blondes like you!(a/n No offense everybody, I'm a blond myself) As soon as this whole bet ends, with my win of course, you'll disappear from this ship. So better just give in, or I swear I can change you're life into a living hell..."
For the first time since Sasuke started to talk he looked at Naruto's face directly... and his eye twitched. The boy was currently observing his nails as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. Blond yawned, bored look on his face. When silence grew longer Naruto asked:
"You finished?" And when stunned Sasuke didn't answered he said:
"Good." And left.
'I would like to see how you're going to win this bet Sasuke, I would really love to!'
First coherent and censorial thought that crossed Sasuke mind was:
/Naruto. You. Are. Oh. So. Dead. Meat./

#.#

"Ne, Kakashi-san, will this hurt?" Scared boy asked the silver-haired man who was currently uncapping some glass bottles.
"Yup." Was the only answer the boatswain gave, and he received a death-glare from Naruto for his entirely too cheerful attitude.
'Well thanks a lot for the comforting words, Kakashi-san!' The boy thought, shifting a little on the chair. He muttered something to himself.
"What did you say? I didn't heard you." The man asked walking towards small cupboard and soon returning. This time however he was holding a large set of... needles.
'Oh, holy shit...'
"I said, 'Do I really need this crest-thing?' " Naruto repeated.
"You certainly don't." Kakashi answered and then, when he saw wide smile on blondes face and hope in his eyes, added:
"But Itachi-san told me to do it, so I will."
And then the boatswain sat on the stool facing Naruto and reached out.
"Give me your hand." Boy hesitantly obeyed.
"Ne, Kakashi-san, how does this crest look like?" Naruto asked panicked when the man took one of the needles. Sighting, Kakashi rolled up sleeve of his black shirt. He showed boy the tattoo- white and red fan.
"That's how it looks like. Anything else before I start?" You could tell he was starting to get irritated. And to his surprise (and annoyance) there was yet another question.
"Can you give me a painkiller?" The boy asked with hope.
The mans eye twitched few times before wide smile graced his masked face. He said:
"But of course I can!"
"Really?" Boy asked grinning happily.
"Yes, you won’t feel a thing when I will be making the tattoo. Just stand up and turn around." When Naruto did as he was told to, Kakashi formed a seal with his hands and said:
"Secret jutsu: Thousand years of pain!"
And he was right. Naruto passed out before boatswain even started to make the tattoo.

#.#

Later, when Naruto regained consciousness, he left Kakashi's cabin limping. He entered Itachi's room without knocking, a pained expression on his face.
"So, was it painful?" The Captain asked with a smirk.
A thought crossed boy’s mind before he answered.
"Yes, my butt hurts all over like hell." Naruto whined going towards the bed, trying to make his limping more visible. He sat on the bed and hissed when his bottom touched the mattress. He wasn't sure if this trick would do, but it didn't hurt to try, right?
When he saw Itachi's face he had only time to think: 'Bingo!', before Uchiha yelled:
"KAKASHI!!!"
'Oh yeah, Kakashi-san, it's pay-back time!'
Because even sweet Ramen-loving angels sometimes can be evil.

#.#

A few days passed quickly and life on the pirate ship was as peaceful as it could be that kind of boat. Naruto slowly got used to the thought that he was going to stay with Uchiha bastards. He even somehow managed to survive few encounters with Kisame and Sasuke... OK, when he met them he just ran away. So? It's also a kind of tactic. Extremely cowardly, but successful.


Surprisingly he found himself getting closer to Itachi of all people. He spent almost all his time in raven-haired man's room, watching him read, sign papers or talk with some crewmembers. Well, the main reason for this state may be the fact that Itachi always seemed to have some Ramen to treat the blond, but whatever...


That day, the Captain was sitting in his cabin with Kakashi discussing over documents when the door slowly opened and Naruto entered the room. Without a word, he sat beside the Uchiha's chair, small pout on his face.

Absent-minded Itachi petted boy’s head and returned to his talk with the boatswain. But if he thought that Naruto can be ignored so easily he was oh~so~wrong~.
The boy sighed...no, he didn't sighed, he SIGHED, but he was still ignored. So he coughed lightly. Still no good. One more time. Nothing. Harder. Still ignored.
When he opened his mouth to try once again Captain spoke:
"Naruto, if you cough one more time I'll send you to Iruka. I'll tell him to keep you for a month and not give you any ramen." When he was sure that blondes throat was miraculously cured, so there was no coughing, he asked:
" Now tell me what’s the matter?"
"I'm bored." The boy stated simply.
"Bored?" Itachi's voice was full of surprise. "And why is that?"
"Well..." Naruto thought for a while before answering. "We're only sailing around and doing nothing... Ne, Itachi-san, can we stop somewhere? On some kind of island!" The boy's eyes shined with excitement, and he spoke with widely gesturing hands. "We’ll find some inhabited island and search through it, maybe we'll find something. A treasure for example!"
Itachi was going to stop this nonsense at once but Kakashi spoke before he had a chance:
"It would be a good idea Captain. We need to replenish our supplies. Water, some fruits and meat, if we hunt, would be good."
Itachi mused a bit before asking:
"Can't it wait till we reach Suna?"
And when silver-haired man shook his head Uchiha sighted in defeat.
"OK, Kakashi. Give the necessary orders to stop at next big island."
Older man nodded and left, leaving the room living the doors open for some reason. Naruto didn't care though. He jumped to his feet and threw himself at Itachi, hugging him tightly and screaming:

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Itachi-san!"

With mischievous grin Uchiha also hugged the boy, not passing by an occasion to feel up the blondes ass in the process. Naruto yelped in surprise and Itachi took his chance, kissing him. He slipped his tongue into boy's hot mouth and caressed Narutos tongue with his own. He sucked it hard and to his surprise the blond started to kiss back. But Itachi wasn't the one to complain, oh no!

The make out session lasted for almost two minutes before Naruto broke the kiss in the need of air. He was panting harshly, his whole body trembling as he stared at the captain. Itachi only smirked and kissed the boy softly on the nose, sighing contently. Then he stood up and remove Narutos arms from his neck ('How the hell did they ended up there?!') and lifted him up without effort. Uchiha made few steps and put the boy onto the bed, then... turned around with the words:
"Rest here, I have some work to do." And he left closing the doors behind him.

Naruto wasn't sure if he should be happy or pissed of. Well there was only one thing he was certain about: he was left alone with little..., or maybe not so little 'problem'.

#.#

"You alright, otouto? You're drooling." Itachi was smiling,... no he was leering at the teen before him. Sasuke was standing there, unable to move.
/Naruto threw himself at Itachi. He did it himself ... That bastard hadn't ordered it him to...W.T.F?!/ OK, as you can see, the young Uchiha was a little bit confused.

And the older one was having oh~so~much~fun~!

"Are you sure you're not gay? You sure seem... moved by that little show of Naru-chan's affection. He does that quite often, I'm surprised it's your first time seeing it..." Yeah, Itachi is a lying bastard... anyone surprised? Thought not.
"Shut it, Itachi... You haven't won yet." Sasuke spat out.
"You're right... not YET." Let me tell you... Remember our little bet?" Sasuke nodded crossing his arms. "And the rule?" Another nod. "OK, so let me tell you this: I won't break the rule... there's simply no need for it. He'll come to me by himself."
Sasuke snorted rolling his eyes and said:
"Always the humble one, aren't we, Itachi?"
The man nodded and smiled brightly... in a way that made the teen shiver.
"Come with me, I'll show you some proof."
And he moved back to the door of his cabin, waving at Sasuke. His brother moved closer and frowned when Itachi put a finger on his lips, telling him to be quiet.
"Just listen, otouto, just listen..."


#.#

Meanwhile, Naruto was still lying on the bed, tossing his head from side to side. His fists clenched onto the sheets under him, as he was trying his best to remain calm.

Finally his body won- he reached out to where his body needed it the most. His shaking fingers moved onto the bulge in his pants and he caressed it lightly. The boy hissed at the friction, however it soon changed into moans as his movements quickened. But it was still not enough.

Clenching his teeth blond unbuckled his belt and slid his hand under the hem of his pants and boxers. When Narutos fingers eventually fisted his erection directly, a loud moan escaped from the boy’s mouth. He started pumping it, pace quick and firm.

Soon his whole body was covered with a thin layer of sweat. The teens breath was shaky and erratic, his eyes closed shut.

#.#

On the other side of the door Itachi smirked when he heard loud moan. On the contrary, Sasuke looked ready to pass out.
"Is there any reason why we are here?"
The younger Uchiha sweat-dropped when his aniki leered.
"Have some patience, Sasuke-chan, you'll... hear soon enough." He said.
And, as if Naruto heard him, yet another loud moan came. This time, however, it sounded like a muffled word. A name, to be precise.
"He's a bit too quiet to hear clearly... " Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin when Itachi spoke.
Naruto seemed to be taking the hint and the last word, when he climaxed, was screamed out.
"..." Itachi was frowning. That wasn't the one he expected. It didn't change anything. He thought it may help him break his brothers will to fight, but in this situation...
"Anything else... Uchiha Itachi?" Sasuke, that little brat, was smirking.
"No, that's all... Uchiha Sasuke." And then they headed onto the deck.

#.#

In the cabin Naruto remained still on the bed. And believe me, he was really confused. From all things to expect this one surely was an unusual one.
In the quiet room his voice was clearly heard:
"Why the hell did I scream, "Uchiha"?!"

#.#

The sailors were doing their best to stabilize the little boats, but they were still jumping wildly on tall waves.

Most crewmembers, the red eyed brothers and Naruto, were squeezed into a few launches, rowing to a rather large island. Well... of course neither of the Uchiha were actually paddling. Nor Naruto. He proved to be the worst rower ever and was currently sulking on the bow. The fact that Sasuke kept giving him strange looks didn't help.

But the blond boy soon returned to his usual happy-go-lucky self. They went ashore on a white beach where the sand was warm and soft. Naruto didn't let the chance slip. He threw off his shoes and started to run forward.

Well... that, at least, was his plan. Strong hand grabbed his collar successfully stopping him.
"Itachi-san, I wanna play~!" Naruto whined, but the captain was clearly not interested in what the blond wanted.
"You stay with me, or you go back onto the ship. You can decide." And when boy only sighed in defeat he smirked. "Right decision."
And so it went. Sailors scattered through the jungle in search of food and water. But Naruto was... playing in the sand near Itachi so the captain could watch over him.


#.#


Kisame cursed his fate while slashing the plants that grow on his path. Shark-man was searching for sweet water, but so far he was out of luck.

Suddenly he stopped, staying still. Before him the bushes started to rustle as if something was hiding in it. He stepped closer cautiously and looked through the branches. And what he saw made him smile widely.
"Oh, you're going to love this one, Itachi!"


#.#


Naruto was bored. Really bored.

Most of the crewmen have already returned and they started to pack the food onto the boats. After few minutes boy grew tired of watching them and looked around. Then he heard some noise. His head turned in that direction and he saw something absolutely delightful. He jumped on his feet and run to the source of the sound.

Itachi was hearing out the reports so he didn't realized immediately that Naruto left. However, when he noticed that the blond was kneeling in the sand about 30 meters away, he was calm for a moment. Notice the keywords: 'for the moment'.
"Naruto! Leave. That. Alone.!." Captain yelled rushing towards the boy. Said teen turned around. He stood up hugging something to his chest.
"Ne, why Itachi-san? It's so cute and harmless! Look at it!"
Boy was smiling brightly and cradling a... baby-tiger in his arms.
"Because it's mother..." Arrived.
Before Uchiha could finish the sentence loud roar came. Behind Naruto stood really~ angry tiger.

OK, that one maybe wasn't so cute and harmless...

OK, now review or Naruto's going to end up as an appetizer ;P