Not So Happily Ever After

Not So Happily Ever After
By: KungFuu

Disclaimer: Don’t own it.

Chapter 3

Trekking through the dense forest was starting to feel more natural. His senses sharpened and expanded as he strained constantly to hear the sound of enemies that might be approaching, or smell a scent that didn’t belong in the woods. He began to move with the same grace he had enjoyed possessing in Konoha, and even began to appreciate the hard exercise. It was doing an excellent job of distracting him from depressing thoughts. Naturally, Gai had to wreck it.

“I was glad to see Kakashi’s boxers this morning,” Gai commented, as if it were a normal thing to say. Iruka’s eyes bugged out comically and he almost walked into a tree. Then the words sunk in.

“Just because we’re having a little trouble right now doesn’t mean you can move in on what’s mine!” Iruka growled. He couldn’t believe Gai’s nerve! For an absurd moment, his brain supplied the awful, terrifying image of Gai and Kakashi in bed together. Some of his brain cells let out miserable little crying noises before they committed suicide.

“No, Iruka-sensei! Nothing like that!” Gai quickly explained with his hands up defensively. It was only then that Iruka realized he’d moved in front of the man and had his fists clenched. “I only meant that I was glad to see that he has some fashion sense! For years all I’ve seen him in is his uniform – no sense of color or style!”

“Oh,” Iruka replied a bit dumbly. He forced himself to relax and continue walking. This was the first time he’d spent any real time around Kakashi’s best friend, and he had made two, definite conclusions.

The first was that Gai could not possibly be straight, no matter what Kakashi said, and the second was that he needed to gently encourage Kakashi to associate with someone normal.

“You know, now that I know he’s got some appreciation for excellent style, maybe I should give him some leg warmers?” Gai wondered out loud. Iruka started to think of ways to convince Gai it was a bad idea so that Kakashi wouldn’t be put in such an embarrassing situation, but then he remembered all the stupid things Kakashi had done lately.

“He likes pink, but don’t tell him you heard that from me,” Iruka replied, managing (just barely) not to laugh evilly.

“This is EXCELLENT news! And to think, he said you didn’t understand the value of a well-chosen gift! Do you remember that time when he tried to give you a book and a new uniform? He told me how upset it made you, and I assumed you didn’t have good taste. How pleased I am to discover I was wrong!”

Iruka froze. He couldn’t believe it. On their second date Kakashi had given him a copy of Icha Icha Makeout Paradise and suggested they try out page 34. Then he’d interpreted Iruka’s shocked silence as a good sign, and offered to steal the nurse costume from the hospital to complete the gift.

Because it had only been the second date, Iruka had decided not to kill him. He’d rationalized it by saying that Kakashi just didn’t know him well yet. He’d calmly explained that he wasn’t into that sort of thing, and that he didn’t sleep with someone on the second date, and he certainly didn’t want his own copy of such a perverted book. Then he’d threatened to kill Kakashi if he told anyone about the incident. Iruka scowled darkly.

“It wasn’t a nice book, Gai-san. It was one of those perverted ones he’s always reading, and it wasn’t a normal uniform he offered to get me. It was a nurse outfit,” Iruka clarified. Gai looked deep in thought.

“You know, Iruka-sensei, you are not the first one to mention Kakashi’s reading material. He tells me that they are books filled with the spirit of youth and beauty, though.”

“Ha! I wish! He’s reading porn all the time, and don’t let him tell you anything different. He’s shameless,” Iruka criticized. The brunette Chuunin snuck a look at Gai, who was now looking determined.

“I’m doing to have to have a serious discussion with my hip rival about this!”

Again, Iruka remembered Kakashi’s irritating behavior.

“You definitely should,” he agreed with an evil smirk. “I’d do it in front of his team, so they learn the lesson as well. Maybe give him the leg warmers then, to cheer him up after his scolding.” And afterwards Iruka would let Kakashi know just how Gai found out about his lie. That would teach Kakashi to call him a prude and spread gossip about him to his Jonin friends. Then a thought occurred to him. ‘Just what else has Kakashi been saying about me?’

“I will definitely take your advice, Iruka-sensei! But I’ve noticed you have been…a little upset on this mission. Is my shameless, perverted rival threatening your honor?” Gai asked seriously, his impressively thick eyebrows forked with worry. He had stopped walking to focus on the conversation, and now he moved to put his hand on Iruka’s shoulder. Thinking happy little thoughts of revenge, Iruka tried to look victimized.

“What would you do…if he was?” Iruka asked. Small fires lit up in Gai’s eyes.

“I would defend your honor by challenging him to a battle!” Gai struck a heroic pose.

As amusing as that sounded, Iruka figured the game had gone far enough.

“It’s all right, Gai-san, though I appreciate your concern. We don’t usually fight like this. I would like to know one thing, though…if you’d be willing to help me. It’s not easy living with such a big pervert, when I’m so modest about such things, but this would help me deal with him very much,” Iruka said. Gai nodded.

“Anything for the brave, kind-hearted teacher that educated my cute students and is forced to put up with my perverted and shameless rival!”

“Err…right…so has Kakashi said anything else about me?” Gai nodded, and seemed to be deep in thought. Iruka braced himself for whatever Gai might say, already telling himself he wouldn’t lose his temper…yet.

“He doesn’t talk much, but I know him better than most. I’ve heard him talking to himself at the memorial stone a few times. He mostly just talks about the things you’re doing – what students are troubling you and things that have made you happy. I’ve never asked him why he does it,” Gai confided in a rare moment of seriousness. Iruka wondered if Gai understood more than he let on sometimes.

“I don’t know why he’d do that either,” Iruka replied quietly. Kakashi had never told him about visiting the memorial stone, and it seemed odd that his lover would talk to himself there when anyone (like Gai) could hear. For the most part, Kakashi was very private. Gai studied him intensely for a moment, and just as Iruka was beginning to feel uncomfortable, he said something that turned Iruka’s world upside down.

“Your parents…their names are on the stone, aren’t they? Perhaps he’s keeping them updated.”

When Iruka stopped walking, Gai seemed to understand. He stopped as well and pretended to be searching for tracks.

Iruka didn’t know what came over him, but quite suddenly it was hard to breathe. He raised his fingers to his lips and whistled in the same way that Gai had done earlier to summon Kakashi. Gai looked up in curiosity, and then smiled and continued walking when he realized there was no threat. Behind him, he heard the puff of smoke that meant Kakashi had appeared, and his surprised grunt when Iruka yanked his mask down to kiss him silly.

‘Well,’ thought Gai happily, ‘that’s one problem solved! Now I just need to speak to Kakashi about those orange books of his…’ Gai wasn’t surprised when he heard Kakashi yell for him to scout ahead. He would let them work it out on their own from there.

Kakashi thought he was justified in his confusion. It wasn’t that he was complaining about the sudden change in his lover’s mood, but even he had to admit that he didn’t really deserve it. Besides, the chance of their mission succeeding was becoming smaller and smaller with every stop they made.

“Iruka, what’s going on with you?” he asked, feeling almost helpless.

“Gai and I talked -” That couldn’t be good. Kakashi prepared for the worst. “- and he told me about how you talk to my parents at the stone.” Kakashi was surprised for a moment, and then he nodded.

“I just thought they would like to know how you are. I would want…” Kakashi hesitated. The last time he’d said something sentimental to Iruka he’d gotten in trouble.

“You would want what?” Iruka asked encouragingly.

“I would want someone to tell me about how you were doing…if I had to leave you behind,” Kakashi finished slowly. Iruka smiled a sad, soft smile that made Kakashi want to kiss away his unhappiness. Iruka turned away from him, his arms crossed over his chest. He started to tremble.

‘I’ve made him angry again,’ Kakashi thought with dread. Much to his surprise, when Iruka spoke it sounded like he was crying.

“No one has ever,” Iruka made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, “…has ever acknowledged them. So many people died…they just weren’t noticed. Everyone lost someone. There were so many funerals that they all blurred together and…and this is the first time that someone other than me has remembered them...honored them.”

Kakashi sighed as he began to understand. Gently, he wrapped his arm around Iruka’s shoulder and turned him around. He wiped away the glittering tears with the callused pads of his thumbs and leaned over to kiss Iruka on the forehead. He smiled at him. Obito’s eye was getting a bit watery, too.

“They did something amazing for the world when they brought you into it. How could I not acknowledge them?” Kakashi asked quietly. Iruka pulled him into a tight hug. After a few moments he pulled back and wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his uniform.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for last night. I do love you, more than anything.” Iruka’s eyes shined with sincerity. He obviously believed the words he had said with all his heart.

‘So that’s how it’s supposed to be done. I can do that,’ Kakashi thought before he captured Iruka’s lips in a needy kiss. When he pulled away, he placed another small kiss on Iruka’s lips and whispered, “I love you, too. I wasn’t sure before because I was so young when I last had someone to love, but I know now. I remember how to do it, but you’ll have to be patient with me.”

Iruka nodded and initiated another kiss. He had to make up for lost time after all, but much to his disappointment, the most romantic kiss of his life ended quite abruptly.

“You groped me!” Iruka accused, massaging his abused backside. Kakashi smirked devilishly.

“Oh, I’m doing to do more than grope you, Iruka. I’m going to push you up against this tree,” Kakashi captured his wrists and guided him backwards, until Iruka could feel the bark against his back, “And then I’m going to strip your clothes off right here in the forest and show you just how much I love you. I’m going to ravish you until you can’t walk.” Kakashi pressed up against him fully, and Kakashi Jr. was not shy about making his presence known. The familiar hardness temporarily distracted Iruka from his common sense.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, MY PERVERTED AND SHAMEFUL RIVAL!” Gai popped out of a tree above them and hauled a very surprised Kakashi off of a very hot and bothered Iruka. “RUN INNOCENT LITTLE IRUKA! I’LL HOLD HIM BACK!” Gai boomed, right into Kakashi’s ear. A sweat drop rolled down Kakashi’s temple as Gai squeezed the life out of him. Iruka began to protest, but Gai would hear none of it.

“Gai-san, you really don’t have to…”

“Nonsense, modest Iruka! I am DEFENDING YOUR HONOR! Look at his youthful face, Kakashi! See how he blushes with embarrassment?!”

Iruka was actually flushed for quite a different reason.

“I see I shall have to give you the talk I gave to Lee about respecting the honor of DELICATE and MODEST ladies!”

“Hey!” Iruka protested, his hands on his hips. “I am NOT a -”

“They are delicate flowers, Kakashi! You must NEVER handle them roughly! You must be, at all times, debonair and swah-vey!”

Kakashi roughly pushed him off.

“The word is ‘suave,’ and Iruka is not a delicate flower.” Gai merely shrugged.

“Alright then, he is a cute, helpless dolphin trapped in a net of PERVERSION!”

Kakashi’s arousal packed its bag and left. It really had no chance, what with Gai grabbing at him and shouting in his ear like that.

Iruka watched him trying to escape the spandex-clad monster and began to chuckle.

“You know, Kakashi, maybe you could stand to hear a lesson about how you should treat people that you care about. I’ll scout ahead for a while. You and Gai-san have a nice chat, okay?” Iruka disappeared before Kakashi could protest.

“Iruka-sensei suggested I wait until you were with your team, but I think we need to talk now about the true nature of those books of yours now! Iruka-sensei tells me there is actually very little SPIRIT OF YOUTH and much PERVERSION!”

Kakashi snorted and shook his head. Iruka might not be as physically strong as he was, but he was certainly creative with his torture.


AN: This might be the last update for this week, because I'm moving and starting school all in the same few days. Busy, busy, busy! Once again, you can read the chapters earlier on my livejournal and with the proper formatting. www.livejournal.com/users/Kung_Fuu. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!