The Dogs of War

A/N: Hidey ho. Time for another angst-filled chapter. Oh, how I love it. I hope you will too. Please forgive the long period between updates. Good news: my thesis is now complete. I have graduated. This leaves me with plenty of time to write, and catch up on all of my projects.

--

Chapter 3: Children of War

The room was quiet. Neji sat in a chair, his legs having gone numb long ago, right along with the rest of him. He clutched at his wife’s hand as she lay unconscious on the bed. For what had to be the hundredth time since he found her collapsed outside his door, he looked at her face. It was pale, and she looked almost as if she had a fever. He knew that she didn’t have one, though, because he checked five times. What he now wanted to know was where in the seven hells that damned Tsunade was. Hanabi had run off in search of the Hokage, who was the only person Neji trusted to treat Hinata, but had yet to return. From what Shikamaru had told him on numerous occasions, the woman could be very hard to find when there was paperwork to be done.

Neji lifted a hand and stroked at Hinata’s hair. “Don’t worry…everything is going to be all right.” He wasn’t exactly certain if he was saying that to himself, or to his sleeping wife. There was a knot of anxiety in his stomach, and it didn’t look like it was going to go away any time soon. His mind swam as memories, fears and hope for the best warred with one another, and he let out a groan. His eyes glanced up at the wall clock. It had been two hours since he had found her.

The silence bore down on him, oozing into his ears and filling them the way warm liquid wax would. It was deafening. The only sound he really heard was that of his own heart, pounding in his ears so loudly that he did not notice when the door slid open. A hand on his shoulder startled him so that he jumped into a fighting stance. After a moment, he realized his cousin had returned, with the Hokage en tow.

The woman raised an eyebrow at the chakra that was now ignited around his hands. As he released it, and dropped his hands to his sides, he growled, “It took you long enough.”

“Shut your mouth and get out, Hyuuga.” The woman swept past him, setting the bag she carried onto the floor.

“Like hell I’m leaving. She’s my wife.” His eyes narrowed, showing his irritation and defiance.

“Hanabi, please escort this excessively distraught husband out of the room. If he resists, you have my permission to use any means necessary to restrain his stubborn ass.” Tsunade did not look up from her work, which she had already begun, pulling several medical implements from her bag. Neji growled curses under his breath, but allowed himself to be led away. Hanabi revealed no emotion, and he followed her all the way to the meditation garden. She seated herself in her favorite place, which was under a gnarled dwarf pine, atop a roughly flat rock.

“Sit.” Her voice came out as flat as her expression. He had no choice but to obey. “Neji,” she began, “I traced her path from the porch.” Giving a small nod, Neji motioned for her to continue, not really sure where she was leading. “There were two large pools of vomit along the dirt path in the orchard.” He opened his mouth to ask any number of questions, but she forestalled them with a hand raised slightly from her folded knee. “I think that you are not justified in your fears for her safety. There was no blood present.”

He was, in a way, relieved at that. But that didn’t really mean anything. There were still innumerable things that could be wrong with Hinata. Vomiting could be induced by several different groups of poisons, as well as other toxins that took time to identify. Panic began to rise in his chest as he thought of how many of those poisons could kill within less time than it took to make a positive identification. His eyes began darting around the garden, trying to find anything that could reassure him, and found nothing. “If she dies—“

“She is not going to die.” Tsunade’s voice came from behind him, and he whirled around, kicking up a small amount of dirt.

Hanabi intoned, “That was quick.”

The blonde woman crossed her arms under her significant bosom. “Well. I had my suspicions earlier when you told me about her vomiting.” Brown eyes turned from his cousin to Neji. “There is nothing for you to get all worked up about. Hinata is going to be fine, provided that she is well cared for, and does not exert herself in coming months.” Neji blinked in confusion. None of this was really sinking in, other than the fact that Hinata was not in danger. Her frown took him by surprise. “Some genius you are.”

“What?” He asked, still confused.

The bland look he got from the woman was actually starting to annoy him. She gave a sigh, and then said, “Hinata is pregnant.”

Hanabi snorted. “Yeah, well. Not that big of a surprise.” What was that supposed to mean? He turned a questioning eye to his cousin, who only raised an eyebrow at him and said, “You two have more sex than anyone else I know.” He ignored this comment.

Instead, he looked back to the Hokage. “Tell me more.”

--

Hinata glared virulently at the bowl in front of her, then even harder at the basin that was placed on the other side of the bed. The bowl was full of porridge, which was the only kind of food she could keep in her stomach. The basin was for when even that didn’t stay in. A knock came at the door. “Come in,” she said quietly, trying not to be angry any more than was absolutely necessary.

The quiet sliding of the door brought her eyes to find Neji as he slipped into the room. He had been barred from entering while her aunts and other female relatives fawned over her and made her life miserable for most of the day. Finally, it had been only with the threat of violence that Hanabi got them out. As she looked at him now, she thought he looked altogether too happy. It had been weeks since he had been himself when they were alone. His demeanor had suffered a heavy blow that one night, and Hinata’s mind had begun to make certain connections that were only logical, but were not pleasant.

Dealing with this new version of her husband was difficult. He was quick to anger, and showed his remorse for such sentiment far too easily. It seemed that a dam had opened up inside him, and it was strange to see it. From some others, like Kiba or Naruto, she would have expected it. But her husband had always been distant, aloof. It was easy to write him off as cold. Now, Hinata didn’t know what to make of him. He almost seemed to be taking on some of Naruto’s characteristics. That thought was brutally blocked, beaten, and shoved away. No one could ever replace Naruto. It shouldn’t need to be said, not even thought of…but it happened.

The relief she saw in Neji’s eyes was almost sickening. All Hinata could feel was anger. Anger at herself, and anger at him. It had to have been that night. That one night she had not taken her usual precautions…and now she was paying for it. She wasn’t prepared to be a mother. How could she think to bring a child into the world, with what she was? With what any of them were…they were creatures of war. They were bringers of death, assassins, thieves and murderers. How…how could Neji look at her with that faint light of joy in his eyes and pretend that it was all right to subject another living thing to the torture that was life?

Not for the first time, she wished that she had died in Naruto’s place. If she had, the sun would still shine, and she wouldn’t feel dead inside. It felt like the child growing within her should rot, because how could it survive with such a person to take succor from? Her eyes were dry, but she wanted to scream, to cry. Nothing she or anyone else did could bring tears any longer. She had shed every tear possible the day that Uchiha Sasuke had murdered his only friend, the only man that she had ever truly loved.

It was understood by all of the personnel at the prison that she was not allowed in to see the dark-haired Sharingan user. Hinata was certain that if they were to meet, she would kill him, or die trying. Because there was nothing that could possibly justify killing someone who was the joy of so many people. Nothing could make it seem all right to murder the one person that never gave up on you…until his very last breath. Until Naruto’s heart ceased to beat, his lungs to draw air, and probably longer than that, he only had eyes for Sasuke. And that, she knew, was what hurt more than anything else.

Uzumaki Naruto had loved her as a sister. He was nothing but a gentleman to her, and all other females. But…the one corner of his heart that was reserved for that more intense, passionate version of affection…that was always only for Sasuke. She looked into the pearly purple-white of Neji’s eyes, seeing a fervent hope and subtle happiness, and she died just a little more inside. Why could he not see? Why was it that no one could see? How did they not understand that she was unworthy of anyone’s love…below that glow that seemed to shine from within the face of a father-to-be…and the fierce possessiveness that a lover showed?

His hand covered hers, lying in her lap. “Hinata,” he said quietly, “how are you feeling?”

Pulling her fingers out of his grasp, she said in a blank tone, “Nauseated.”

He rested his hand on her leg, where it had fallen when she pulled away. “Hokage-sama says that is to be expected…” Hinata made a face, looking away. “Hinata please…tell me what you’re thinking. You are not happy about this, I know. But what are you thinking? You cannot possibly be thinking of…doing away with it.” Her stomach clenched at the way he said that.

But now that the subject had been broached, she broke it wide open. Hinata looked him in the eyes. “How can we do this?”

Her husband’s smile was kind. “There are people who can help us adjust. We have family that have been through this—“

When she cut him off, her tone was quiet, but there was deadly force behind her words. “That is not what I mean. We are products of the war machine, Neji. We are cogs in its workings. All we know is how to kill. How are we supposed to bring a life into the world? And you know that our child will only be taught the same things we have been. Kill, steal, lie…we are not fit to be parents.” Hinata watched the hope and joy die in Neji’s eyes. But where she expected despair, angry determination formed. He grasped both of her hands in an iron grip.

“How dare you say that? I know that you think you are not fit to care for anyone…” His eyes fell to where his hands held hers, “I see it every day. But I also see how hurt you are, Hinata. You won’t let me see you. That night…you said I hid from you. I don’t hide anymore. My feelings are bare, naked before you, and yet you do not let me see yours. I love you, Hinata. I love you so much that it hurts to look at you. Why won’t you let me see your pain? Let me feel it. Let me take some of it from you.” She opened her mouth to stop this tirade of overly sentimental talk, but he simply did not see. He kept speaking. “It has always been my duty to protect you. You can protect your body now; I know that. But Hinata, it is your heart that is fragile…like spun glass, that could break at the slightest touch…”

He had tears in his eyes now. Hinata saw them, just barely, through his thick black lashes. The knife in her stomach turned once again, and she gripped the sheets. Her eyes blinked slowly as she watched his tears begin to stain the bedcovers a darker shade of blue. She wished she could feel the sadness that he did. Perhaps if she could, it would be possible for her to understand. If she could feel it, then maybe Hinata could…no. Feeling anything at all was dangerous. If she were to allow herself to feel, then what would stop her becoming a wreck of emotion…a pile of useless, quivering mush that had no function other than to be cared for like some broken, fragile ornament?

They remained silent, opposing wills and overtaking hearts, for some time. Finally, there was a quiet knock at the door. It slid open, and Hinata glared at the intruder. Her father stood in the doorway, framed in the near-dark of the hall. His pale eyes fell onto her, and she met them head on. Hiashi flinched, almost imperceptibly. After a short moment, he had steadied himself, and entered, carrying a small bottle in his hands. It was filled with a transparent blue liquid. Upon his approach, he set the bottle on the table, and took a step back. “Hokage-sama has asked that you take this for your stomach, Hinata.” She nodded. A look came over his face just then that resembled longing, and Hinata had to do her best not to stare. She had never seen that expression in her father’s eyes…never directed at her. It was far too late for him to play at being a real father to her. He left the room without another word, only bowing lightly upon reaching the threshold.

--

The following days brought friends and acquaintances to the Hyuuga main house, and with them came noise, gifts, and many well wishes that Neji was certain only vexed Hinata the more. Neji watched as the last of them filed out of the door. But then, he saw a shadow detach itself from a corner of the hall, and it took less than a second to identify it as Aburame Shino, Hinata’s old friend. The tall man approached him, bowed formally, and pulled back his hood. Still wearing his sunglasses, but obviously wishing to show respect to the future master of the house, he unbuckled the top of his coat, allowing it to hang open and reveal his face.

“Neji…may I speak with her alone?” Shino asked, his deep, rumbling voice causing Neji to feel a little bit on edge.

“Yes,” he replied, “but please keep it brief. She is surely very tired.” The nod he received in return was respectful, and then he was watching the door close behind him.

--

Hinata looked away from the small mountain of presents spilling off of the table and onto the floor to see who it was that came to bother her now. To her relief, it was Shino. “Hinata-chan…” he said in his quiet, yet constantly reassuring way, “I have come to bring congratulations from my family.” She thanked him politely, and he seated himself next to her bed in a chair. “But please…I bring caution. There is something amiss.”

The bottom of Hinata’s stomach dropped out. “What do you mean?”

He seemed to take a long moment to formulate his reply. “I…I sent kikkaichu before me, in the night. It was only to ensure that you were safe.” Hinata nodded. She knew very well how protective he could be, and how he worried for all of his friends. “You know that they can sense…and feed upon chakra. The kikkaichu brought me news of some strange chakra surrounding you. I fear…I fear that there may be something wrong.”

It had taken three long days, but she had finally, after hours of Neji’s tears and her sister’s browbeating, accepted the fact that she would bear a child. Now, there was some kind of oddity surrounding her chakra? She could not use her Byakugan to examine the fetus, because as her grandmother explained, after the first three weeks, chakra use during pregnancy becomes erratic at best, and at worst, dangerous for the child. Hinata licked her lips. “What exactly did they find?”

Shino leaned his elbows onto his knees, bending forward toward her. His voice became even quieter than it had been. “Too much…the child puts off too much chakra.”

Was that such a bad thing? Could it not mean that the baby was simply very strong? “And?”

His shrug gave her no comfort. “There is no ‘and’. I believe that you must be examined, again. It is for your safety, Hinata. If the child puts off this amount of chakra now, think of what it will do to you in a few weeks…or in a few months. The interplay between your chakra pathways and those that must be shared by the child until it is born could cause you to burn yourself out. It might cause worse than that.” His hands now gripped his knees, the worry plain in the way his mouth was etched in a thin line across his face. “There are simply too many possibilities. It might be advisable to terminate the child’s existence, so that your own might continue.”

Something in Hinata’s stomach clenched at his suggestion. There was a watery feeling in her guts, and she thought that perhaps…perhaps he needed to leave. “I am not going to do that unless it is absolutely necessary, and sanctioned by a qualified medical ninja.” The tone she used came out more sharp than she planned, making it sound as if his analysis was flawed, or that she did not trust his judgment. But the words had been said, and she would not take them back. Her chin rose, lending her the appearance of defiance.

The air in the room seemed thick with tension. Suddenly, the door was opening, and Neji was striding in, laying a hand on Shino’s shoulder. His fair face was drawn, a frown curving his lips. Without a word, Shino stood and left, his posture tight and his face pinched. The snap of the door on the jamb sounded sharply through the room, and Hinata continued to look at Neji. He was breathing quickly, as if he had come running. His eyes searched her face. “I felt…” dark brows drew down, his face a wash of confusion, “I felt something. He upset you. What did he say?” Hinata’s eyes widened. He had felt how something resembling fear had lanced through her? How her body had tensed in apprehension when Shino made the suggestion that she do what she had thought of three days ago? She looked away from him.

Suddenly, she felt a kind of heat radiating from him. It came in swift waves, breaking over her and making her feel…angry. When she looked back up to his face, it had become a thunderhead of fury. When he turned to the door, Hinata caught his wrist. “Stop.” He would have gone after Shino, and that was not what she wanted. “He was merely concerned over a…flux in the baby’s chakra. He said it might hurt me.”

Neji’s shoulders slumped, and he was pacified.

--

Kiba dropped the bone, and it landed on the floor with a thud. Akamaru’s head tilted curiously to one side. Shaking his head, he tried to clear his thoughts. But…was it his imagination? No. It wasn’t. He’d felt a strange, inexplicable stab of fear. His throat was suddenly dry as if he’d been drinking sand, and the feeling spread into his mouth. Glancing around the kitchen, he saw nothing that could have triggered the irrational feeling that seemed to suffuse his entire mind. “I’m losing my grip…” He muttered in an irritated voice before he stood from the table and opened the tap into a nearby glass. Taking a long sip, he closed his eyes.

When he opened them, he took a deep breath. “What are you doing in my house, Shino?” Kiba turned, leaning against the kitchen sink. Shino stood in the door from the living room, having let himself in as he always did. He had his hood down, and the high collar of his under-jacket was unfastened. Kiba’s dark eyes narrowed.

“I think we should talk.” The brooding baritone of the taller man’s voice always seemed to irritate Kiba in some way or another, and there was no explanation for it. Now, however, his friend’s appearance seemed inextricably linked to the knife of fear that had tried to overtake his senses only a moment earlier. Taking a few steps forward, Kiba seated himself in his previous chair, and indicated one for Shino. He had a feeling that this was going to take some time.

--

A/N: Well, I know it was short, but there went another burst of inspiration and angst. And just so you guys know, I am still alive over here, though I’m not in Texas anymore. I’m in Louisiana, with my parents. Hurray for being overly educated in the middle of nowhere without a job…meh. Enough about my woes. Review.