Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with disturbing images. Sorry, I do not have a beta, so this is unbetaed- read at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. I am writing this for fun.

'Naruto's thoughts
"talking"


Chapter Two: Shino and I

‘What am I going to say to him?’ I think nervously as I wait at the regular meeting place to see if Shino will show up today. When I see his figure on the horizon my stomach drops. ‘I can’t believe this asshole showed up,’ I think incredulously. At the same time, my insides liquefy with nervousness. ‘What am I going to do?’

‘What will I say? What will he say?’ I am almost more afraid of what he will say, than what I will say. As I my mind races over the possible outcomes of this encounter, I realize that Shino is almost upon me. He has his glasses on so I don’t know if he is looking at me or not. As he comes to stand in front of me, I just wait.

I don’t know what to say. So I wait to hear what he has to say.

“Are you ready to train?” Shino asks quietly.

My eyes widen with shock. ‘Is he going to try to pretend that nothing happen? This ass-‘

“Hell, no- ” I start, then Shino interrupts me speaking louder.

“I think we should train someplace different. Follow with me. We have special training grounds at the Aburame compound that will help you detect the chakra of my bugs. I promised to show you, remember?” Shino asks in an almost loud voice as he moves to walk away.

Again, I stand shocked. I move to scratch my head and mid-motion, I get it. ‘Someone must be watching us.’ I don’t even glance around as I move to follow Shino. ‘Who could be watching us? I don’t sense anyone.’

After we walk a ways down a now too familiar path, I whisper softly, “Who is watching us?”

Shino responds softly back, “Sasuke.”

I can barely suppress my jolt of surprise. ‘Does he know? Does he suspect that I know about him and Shino? Why can’t I sense him?’ I think in a panic. With that, all my confidence from yesterday is effectively shattered. No only did I not notice an affair between Shino and Sasuke, but I thought I could detect Sasuke from anywhere. But he was just letting me sense him all along. ‘How long has he been watching us? When does he watch me?’ I think with fear. I have to forcibly stop myself from turning to look for him.

As we reach Shino’s training fields, which consist of several mounds that look like enlarged ant-holes in a large forest clearing, I wonder if Sasuke has gone.

“He’s gone,” Shino states calmly.

I jerk my eyes to meet his dark glasses.

After several seconds of mutual staring, I decide I will start with the question that has been plaguing me since last night. “Why?” I ask bluntly.

“Because he knows that he could never keep his presence secret on my compound,” Shino became clan-head 3 years ago, so everything Aburame was now his. He never fails to refer to Aburame clan property in the possessive sense.

“No. I don’t care why Sasuke left,” I say with a strange, clear-headed calmness. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised I cannot summons the anger I should feel. After all, this is Shino I am talking to. He was once my friend. And though I thought that I hated him last night. I really don’t hate him. I can’t. How can I hate someone for wanting and obtaining what I want as well? I simply am not that kind of person. “Why are you Sasuke’s lover?”

Shino stares at me with a seemingly blank stare. I can’t see past his glasses, so I can’t tell what is going on in his eyes.

“He’s good to me,” Shino replies simply. “And he makes me feel things I never thought I could feel.”

Each statement falls on me like a stab wound. ‘And he cares about you.’ I despair to myself, ‘That would have been clear to anyone who saw you two together.’

I feel unwanted tears of hurt and anger well up in my eyes, “Then why is he with me!? Why is he putting me through this!?” I question as I lower my head, not wanting to stare into Shino’s blank face any longer. Not wanting to see who it is Sasuke wants.

“You are a fool, Naruto,” Shino begins in a quiet voice. “But even I must admit, you are a glorious fool,” Shino continues as he takes his glasses off with a sigh. “I let you find out about us because I thought you should know about Sasuke. He warned me against telling you. But last night when you followed him to my compound, you made the decision easy for me.”

I look up looking into Shino’s black hole of eyes. My eyes widen in surprise at the soft, tender smile on his lips and the impossibly black gleam of his eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“You may never understand, Naruto,” Shino says with the same smile and a sad shake of his head, “You are not like us. You are…different.”

My head begins to spin again with confusion. 'Different? What is he saying?

“What are you saying?” I ask as simply hoping not to betray my confusion.

I know I should be angry. I know I should be yelling and trying to kill Shino, but I just don’t have the energy. I am not certain if I could ever hurt him anyway. And it is not like hurting him is going to change anything. I have never been able to fight simply to hurt others. I can hurt others in defense of the village and myself, but I cannot simply hurt another because I want to. ‘Giving pain is not something someone can take back. No matter how much you might want to later.’ I have had to learn this lesson over and over again in my lifetime as a receiver of pain. I would never consciously make others feel pain just to make them feel pain.

“I am saying. Leave things as they are, Naruto. You do not understand Sasuke. And you can’t understand what is going on between Sasuke and me.”

I struggle trying to make sense of his words. ‘Who is he to say I should leave things alone? Why can’t I understand him right now? Agh, I am such a dunce. I don’t get it.’ I think frantically to myself. ‘What is he talking about? What is there to understand? They are having an affair behind my back. Simple.’

“What is there to understand?” I ask feeling my anger sparking as my confusion grows. ‘This is not how this is supposed to go at all!’ “He is cheating on me with you,” I explain trying to remain calm, “You are the one he wants. I should just leave him and be done with it. That way you two-”

“He won’t let you go, you know,” Shino interrupts as if I hadn't been speaking, “No matter how much he desires me, he will never let you go,” with that he puts his glasses back on.

“Why not?” I cry desperately, “I am not you. He clearly wants you-“

Shino’s harsh laugh startles me. His earlier tenderness is gone, “He does not want me, Naruto. How can you want something you already have, hmm?”

My mind whirls trying to process his words, “Are you saying, if I let him have me, he’ll let me go?” I ask more to myself than to Shino.

“No,” Shino says. I wince at the finality in this tone, “Sasuke will never let you go. I told you, Naruto, you are different. Someone like you cannot understand what Sasuke needs. I understand his needs, even if I cannot fulfill his wants.”


“I saw you two, Shino,” I whisper angrily. “He wants you. I can fucking assure you he wants you.”

Shino tilts his head as if he were thinking about my words, “You really can’t understand, can you? He lusts after me. He wants you. Do you not see the difference?”

“No.” I respond bluntly and angrily, “Tell me the difference.”

With that demand, I feel all of the anger I had been able to muster tether out. All I was left with is the same despair I woke up with. I don’t know who Shino is. And I don't know what his motives are, but I need help. As I stare at Shino, I wonder to myself, ‘Is he really out to help me? Despite everything, is he still my friend? Is he trying to help me? Because I admit, right now I need someone to help me.’

“Don’t look at me like that,” he demands savagely, “There is no help for you, Naruto. And if you were to be honest with yourself you would realize you don’t need help.”

I laugh hysterically at Shino’s words, “No help!? No help with this fear, these lies, his affair,” my voice tapers off to a whisper as the full force of the situation presses upon me. ‘What do I expect? Here I am talking to Sasuke’s lover about my relationship with my Sasuke. That is pathetic even for me. I really did go insane.’

“Hn, his affairs.” Shino says wryly as he glances off in to the distance. Turning to look back at me, he says, “This is why you are different, Naruto. You still believe in relationships that are not built upon fear and lies. After all you have been through, you still believe in something as silly as the purity of love. But the rest of us are not that naive, we never were.”

We stand in silence for a while. My mind frantically turns over Shino’s accusations. ‘Yes, I do believe in love. Yesterday, though I would not admit it to myself, I thought I loved Sasuke. If I were to be honest, I love Sasuke today. And I will love Sasuke until I die. I have known this forever. But that does not mean I can stay with him. Not after this.’

“Let me ask you a question, Naruto,” Shino starts interrupting my internal monologue, “Why aren’t you mad at me?

I glance sharply at Shino, “What do you mean? Of course, I am mad at you.”

“No. I don’t think you are,” Shino doubts aloud. “Anyone else would be trying to kill me today. Why are we having this conversation? It is…curious.”

I pretend to think about what to say as I analyze Shino to see how much of the truth he deserves to know. ‘Well, clearly he doesn’t deserve any truth from me. But why lie.’

“I refuse to hurt people because they have hurt me,” I respond. “And don’t bother laughing at me. I know it sounds simple and stupid, but it is the truth. You may not give a damn about my feelings and I may not give a damn about yours. But I will not attempt to hurt anyone except in defense of myself and this village.”

Shino stands staring at me with something akin to wonder before he shakes his head sadly, “I’m afraid for you, Naruto.” With a pitying expression he continues, “You can break him without even trying. For your own sake, don’t do it. He is not stable.”

“He has already broken me,” I whisper as the despair I feel floods into my eyes. “Why shouldn’t I break him?”

No matter my brave words, I shiver in fear of Sasuke’s breaking apart. Examples of his heated, maniacal gazes and his sometimes too rough touches flood back to me. ‘What would he do to me?’ I think trying to suppress the shudders of fear that run through my body.

“I grow weary of talking,” Shino begins disinterestedly, “Just remember, he will never let you go- not to another person, not even to death. Try to remember that. Do not make your life a living hell if you don’t have to, Naruto.”

“Is that why you are with him, Shino? So you can avoid living in hell?” I scoff angrily. 'Who the hell is he to give me this kind of advice!? He is fucking Sasuke. Of course, he wants me to leave things as they are.'

Shino turns his gaze back to me quickly and stares. Several seconds pass before he responds, “Is that too far-fetched, Naruto? You have no idea how deep the waters are that you are swimming in.”

“How do you know?” I ask, “How do you know him so well?” ‘When I don’t seem to understand him at all?’

He stares at me blankly for several more seconds, before he surprises me by reaching out to gently cup my face, “Take or leave what I say, Naruto. To be honest, I really don’t know Sasuke as well as you seem to think. But it is only fair to say that he and I are alike in at least one way. If you were mine,” Shino pauses, “I wouldn’t let you go either. I would break you to keep you with me.”

My eyes widen in shock as Shino drops his hand from my face and turns to walk away.

“Go home, Naruto,” Shino calls over his shoulder, “You look tired. Go get some rest.”

-TBC-

Next Chapter: Sasuke’s suspicions.

AFF – reviewers:

Starry_nights88 - Thank you. Yeah, mush is good. But there is always room for something different, yes?

Gina - It is twisted, yes?

celticfx - Thank you so much *hugs*. I hope you are not disappointed with this chapter.

Nusku - He's not getting away yet, sorry.

hinata13 - Thank you *hugs*. And just so you know, it is a kinda long fic.

myinakoi - I'm glad you like it.

Tia - Thank you for your comments. I like sweetness too. If you don't mind twisted sweetness, then we are on the same page. :-)

sainaru_fangurl - I hope this doesn't disappoint you. But this is going to pretty much be sasu/naru/sasu. I'm sorry.

Kayla - I'm on it!! :-)

chelzi - I hope this is not too cliched

SharinganEyes - High praise. Thank you very much!

Shusuro - You really don't want to know what kind of stress I have been under. Let's just say, the only good to have come from it is this story!

Goldie - You are too good. You are reading this fic exactly how I see it. A vulnerable, damaged Naruto is not going to be able to leave at will. He needs more. And yes, Sasuke does care about Naruto. And, no, Sasuke couldn’t give a damn about his other lovers. The question is, how does the insane care for someone else? But then, how insane is Sasuke? I wonder…


Ashlee-chii - Poor Naruto, indeed... Mwuhahahaha

dragon-agility - You know what, me too. I like happy.

Ursweetheatless - Shino's not that bad is he? I kinda think he's cute.


THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!! It really makes updating a breeze. OK you guys, I am kinda nervous about this chapter. Please, review.