Bluescreen

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STOP: UNKNOWN LOVE ERROR!

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“Congratulations, everyone,” the man in front of several students exclaimed “You’ve all passed!” Suddenly and without any warning the door flew open, revealing a panting blond boy. “I’m… sorry sensei, I’m… late,” Naruto said under his attempts to return his breathing to a normal one again. The professor who stood in front of the class just a few moments ago was now running towards the young blond boy. “Naruto-kun,” the older man hugged his student tightly, maybe too tightly since Naruto’s breathing was cut short. “Iruka-sensei… You’re… SUFFOCATING… ME!!!” “Oh, sorry,” Iruka let go of the whiskered boy who immediately gasped for breath again. “I’m happy that you’ve made it here, Naruto,” a smile graced the older man’s face before he turned his attention back towards the rest of the class.

“Congratulations! You are all official psychiatrists now. Remember the most important aim I want you to follow: You’re not to judge a person, you’re to help them! I want you to dedicate your whole being to your patient’s well-being. I want you to make a vow that you’ll follow this path with the sole purpose to help your patients. Now, please step forward when I call your name and receive your diploma.”

One by one they went to the professor as he called their names.

“Uzumaki Naruto!” The blonde’s head shot up, his attention only directed towards his teacher.

“Yes!” the whiskered boy headed towards Iruka, his pace picked up in anticipation. A few seconds later, the blond stood in front of his professor. “Congratulation, Naruto. You did very well,” with that he handed Naruto his diploma. The fox vessel’s face brightened up, a big smile graced his features. “Tha-Thank you… Iruka-sensei,” the young man stuttered, realising that he wasn’t a student anymore and Iruka wasn’t his professor any longer. The blond grasped the proof that he had achieved his goal tightly, as if he didn’t want it to disappear. He had fulfilled his desire, he was now a psychiatrist.

Soon after everyone had received their diploma, they left to celebrate their success, chatting with each other as they hurriedly left the classroom where they used to be for so many years. Happiness and anticipation were the most common feelings that day.

Just as Naruto wanted to leave Iruka called him back again, “Naruto”, he started, “I want you to go to this address.” The older man gave him a small card. The blond looked at it for a brief moment before he looked at his ex-teacher again.

“What is this?” he asked confused. “It’s the address of a friend of mine. He’s a psychiatrist as well and has hanged out his own shingle. I want you to assist him for a while. Despite the fact that you know the theory, I want you to get practical experience as well.”

Naruto stared in shock, his mouth wide open. “No! I want to hang out my own shingle! Now! I don’t want to assist anyone! I want to do it on my own! Iruka-sensei, this is so mean of you! I can—”

Before the kitsune vessel could complain even more, Iruka cut him off. “Naruto!” the older man’s voice was stern, “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry. But in fact I gave you his card because he’s a luminary in his area and you were my best student. I thought it would be a great experience for you; beside, you could also hang out your own shingle even faster after you’ve assisted him, and you can even say ‘I was Hatake Kakashi’s assistant.’”

Naruto’s eyes widened comically, “Did- Did you just say… Hatake Kakashi?”
Iruka smiled, knowing that the fox boy wouldn’t decline now. “I did,” he said to the younger one sweetly. “Oh, Iruka-sensei, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
Naruto jumped up and down in his joy.

Hatake Kakashi was indeed a luminary in his area. He had read several books by him and admired him since he heard his name for the first time.

“Hahaha, Naruto! You’ll never change, will you?” Iruka asked amusedly. “Now go to him, Naruto, and listen to what he says.” With that Iruka said good bye to Naruto, watching as he jumped out of the class.


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“Next one,” a young woman said in a bored voice when suddenly an orange blur rushed towards her. “Hello!” Naruto chirped happily, “I’m Uzumaki Naruto, I’m 24 years old, I like ramen and I want to speak to Hatake Kakashi. You see, I’ve just received my diploma and since I was the class winner my teacher said I should assist Hatake-sensei. Isn’t that great? Where is he? Is he in there? HATAAAAAAAKE-SENSEEEEEEEIIIIII!!!” the blond exclaimed overjoyed, exited and maybe a little hyperactive.

“Calm down, will you?” the receptionist tried to shush him but the young blond ignored her and went straight into Kakashi’s office, oblivious to her protests and forgetting his manners completely. He was way too exited to realise anything beside the fact that he was going to meet the person he admired most, Hatake Kakashi.

“Hatake-sensei, I’m—,” Naruto started but was cut off immediately, “very rude. I see, you must be Uzumaki Naruto, hn?” the silver haired man in front of him finished the blonde’s sentence, his eyes never leaving the small orange book he was reading.

“I’m sorry, sensei. I guess, I was a little exited to meet you,” the blond rubbed the back of his head, a habit he had when he was extremely nervous and feeling uncomfortable.

“It’s alright. Come to my office at 2 p.m. tomorrow, you’ll watch me and learn for six hours every day, starting tomorrow. Got it?” Naruto nodded; surprised that Kakashi was so cocky towards him. “Good and now go…” with that the silver haired man practically shooed him away.

Naruto grumbled but got out anyway. The meeting with his new superior/teacher lasted only for 90 seconds. Slowly but surely, the kitsune vessel doubted whether Kakashi’s amazing reputation as being the best in his area was justified.

The next day went pretty much like their first meeting. Kakashi continued reading his small orange book ‘Icha Ichia Paradise’ (even when he was talking to a patient) and Naruto…

Well, the blond wasn’t really able to figure out what he was supposed to learn from the infamous Hatake Kakashi; maybe reading porn while looking indifferent when you’re talking to other people? Naruto didn’t know and got bored soon, zoning out completely.

“Oi! Oi, Naruto!” Kakashi called out. He had tried to get the blonde’s attention for the last fifteen minutes yet the whiskered boy wouldn’t pay any attention to him. Sighing, the silver haired luminary did the only thing he could think of; hitting the blond on the head.

“Ouch! Hatake-sensei, what was that for?” Naruto whined, rubbing his abused head. “You didn’t pay attention! I called you a couple of times because I wanted you to listen to me!” Kakashi retorted. “The next patient is,” the scarecrow flipped through his documents, “Mr Uchiha. His superior made an appointment for him since he seems to have problems regarding his behaviour towards other people.”

’Uchiha, hm?’ the blond thought, trying to remember why the name sounded so familiar to him.

“It’s two minutes to six p.m.” The silver haired man pulled the younger one out of his thoughts. “He should be here soon.” Kakashi concluded before he turned over the page of his beloved small Make out Paradise.

Finally the clock struck six o’clock and Naruto’s gaze rested on the door, awaiting the next patient. Suddenly the door flew open, revealing a very irritated young man.

Naruto just sat there as though he was frozen. He gasped slightly as he regarded the young man in the door frame. Jet black hair and coal eyes contrasted with his pale skin just perfectly, giving him a unique beauty that could be only found in tales. The blonde’s eyes took every inch of the male in front of him in, concluding that the stranger was slightly taller than him. ‘He’s hot,’ Naruto thought as he continued to stare at the stranger in awe when Kakashi all of a sudden cleared his throat, pulling the blond back to reality.

“Mr Uchiha,” the silver haired man started, “Have a seat, please.” Naruto fidgeted nervously as the handsome young man walked towards them.


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‘So annoying! Oh so damn fucking ANNOYING!!!’ that was my first thought when I arrived at the psychiatrist’s office. It was such nonsense, and I repeated to complain over and over again. I wasn’t insane, damn it! Why did I have to go to a psychiatrist?!

I walked up the stairs, trying to vent my anger by running up the stairs. However, it didn’t work and so I stood in front of the receptionist, scowling at her. If she had dared to scowl back at me, I would have vented my wrath on her. Yet, she only shrunk at my scowl. I turned my scowl towards the clock at the wall, daring it to scowl back (O_o)
When it didn’t scowl back at me and struck six o’clock instead, I stomped into the office that read “Hatake Kakashi”. That damn bastard who was supposed to point out my oh-so-wrong mistakes. I was perfection incarnated, damn it!

The door flew open and my scowl disappeared all of a sudden. Why? Because the first thing I saw was a shy blond boy who was staring at me from head to toe. I did the same as I regarded his lithe figure. Blond hair that was just as bright as the sun itself and sky blue eyes contrasted with his tan skin. Three whiskered lines on each cheek gave him a rather cute animal look, like a cat or something.

I tried my best to hide my smirk as he turned away slightly, blushing in a dark crimson red and resembling a tomato (did I mention that tomatoes are my favourite foods? God, he looked so eatable that I wanted to pounce on to him immediately.)

I watched him fidgeting as I walked closer to him and again I tried to hide my smirk. His nervous blushing face was so cute. ‘Why are you looking away, dobe?’ I heard myself asking him mentally. ‘You don’t have to be so shy. If you are blushing like that when I’m dressed, what will you do when I’m naked? I look even better without my clothes, you know?’ I zoned out completely, envision what would happen once we were both naked.


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Error log file (also known as Author’s note):

Woohoo! Thanks for all the reviews. It seems as though “Bluescreen” is my most popular story with you.

Well then, shall we start to explain some things?

Unbelievable but true, Naruto was the class winner. I wanted him to be very good in something when he meets Sasuke again, so he can have his revenge for being called a dobe when it came to computers. Everyone has something their very good in, so it’s pointless to tear someone to pieces just because they aren’t as good in something as someone else. So what? Everyone might end up being the one who doesn’t know anything.

Next; maybe you wondered why I wrote “Hatake-sensei” although he isn’t really a teacher to Naruto but a psychiatrist. Well you see, there are various jobs that can gain you the suffix “-sensei”. The best known job is a teacher, of course. But also artists and, yes, even doctors can be called “sensei” (when they’re working in a team, of course… Who should call them like that if there aren’t any people around, huh?)

So in this case, Naruto assists Kakashi, which means that Kakashi is his superior somehow.

Just in case you didn’t know.

I know that psychiatrists get practical experience through their studies but for the story’s sake I had to ignore that fact. Don’t blame me but it wouldn’t have made any sense if Naruto had his own office and so on. It would have been ridiculous. Despite the fact that Sasuke’s superior had made the appointment when Naruto was still a student officially.

Don’t worry; I’ll get rid of Kakashi as soon as he disturbs me. Probably an accident or something like that would be best… (Kakashi: shriek!)

Err… what else, what else? Let’s see. Sasuke cusses a lot, doesn’t he? Oh well. I can’t scold him, so I will scold the clock instead. You see, that’s why I hardly ever get the chance to read my stories during my English lessons. If we get the task to write something I usually end up writing something about straws, gays, murder or a dog named Fluffy. Well, it depends on the task, of course. But since I still fulfil the tasks, my English teacher can’t give me a bad mark. I remember one story we should finish (you know, an “open end” story).

It was about a guy who watched a football match and was running late to his date afterwards. He hailed a taxi and realised that he forgot his wallet. Fortunately, he saw his girlfriend standing in front of a restaurant and he asked her whether she could lend him some money. That was where the original story ended and I wrote that she couldn’t lend him any money since she only had straws. The man blamed his girlfriend and argued with her when the taxi driver made the offer that if he couldn’t pay him with money, he could pay him off with other things and then he winked at him. Perverted little taxi driver! Of course I read it out and my English teacher looked rather embarrassed as I did so (fufufu).

Oh, how I like watching other people’s emotions. The day before yesterday (Friday) I was supposed to say what you can do in the basement (great task, I know). I said the first thing that came to my mind “You can hide your dead bodies there.” Actually it’s based on “Everyone has a skeleton in their closet” which means “Jeder hat eine Leiche im Kellar” (= “Everyone has a dead body in their basement”)

Oh well, I guess I’m the most weird person in my class.

They say ‘still waters run deep’, right? I really look rather harmless but it’s dangerous to give me a task where I am supposed to write or draw something. Yes, I even do things like that in my exams. As long as I fulfil the task…

Fear my evil (perverted) homework of doom…

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