Losing Battles

I struggled a lot with this next piece- Sai is one hard guy to work with @_@ Hope you enjoy~ And thank you those who reviewed :)

Kimra: I take that as an extreme compliment. To be honest, I hate angst too.

Plaidshp: Yay! I'm glad this is working. It's highly experimental. And Sasuke will be coming up. :) Just not in this chapter...

On with the story!

Losing Battles
The seemingly obvious


"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."
~Robert G. Ingersoll

~*~Battle 6:~*~
Sai

Meanwhile…


Ever since Sai had ventured into Naruto’s world, he had done nothing but learn. His early attempts to learn about friendship had met with successes and failures alike and he had quickly learned that books were not always correct. Therefore he was a little more cautious when approaching the topic of love.

Kakashi-sensei had been kind enough to lend him some books on the subject and while he was intrigued by the examples written in the books, he had seen very few cases in actual real life. Facing this dilemma, he set about trying to practice some of the techniques he had seen in the book.

He first learned that flirting was difficult. His attempts to flirt with women were always met with mixed reviews. When he complimented the graceful curve of Haruno’s rather sizeable forehead, he was met with a rather powerful fist to the jaw. When he commented on Ino’s rather lovely bellybutton she produced an expression he was rather unfamiliar with and found himself being backed into a corner. He retreated after the kunoichi tried to touch his bellybutton a little too insistently. And when he complimented Kakashi on the nice shape of his penis, Kakashi turned red and told him, flirting only worked on some guys- not all.

Disappointed when his verbal comments seemed to have undesirable results, he attempted to try nonverbal communication instead. The men in the books would often communicate with touch rather than words, and so he tried to follow their example. This was met with even more disaster than the first time.

Neji and Lee had pounced on him before he had a chance to touch Ten Ten’s hair, and when he lightly pat the young Hyuuga heiress on the behind, the dog boy AND his dog came at him ready to kill. He didn’t try to touch Haruno. He had seen what her fists could do.

It was while pondering this dilemma that he noticed something rather interesting. Uchiha was still a bit of a mystery to him, but he had noticed that he allowed no one to touch him. Even in training, or battle, it was always difficult to land a hit. So when Naruto casually walked by and touched him on the shoulder, hand lingering there like a frog sitting upon a rock, Sai was intrigued. The Uchiha had allowed it. He wondered if this was perhaps due to their strong camaraderie, or because the Uchiha was rather tolerant of Naruto like the rest of them were. Still, it was mystifying, and Sai decided to keep tabs.

He sat in the rather sizeable rotemburo pondering this when he noticed that Naruto wasn’t making any attempts to peep at the other side of the fence. Perhaps Uzumaki had finally learned the consequences. Sai could still remember how much his jaw ached after the last time Haruno punched him. Instead, Naruto was sitting next to Uchiha, busily chatting away, and Uchiha was enduring it as usual.

Yamato tapped him on the shoulder and asked what he was staring at. Sai turned around and flinched. Yamato stared at him intently, eyes bugging out in what he liked to call the “googly eyes”. He never said so aloud of course. He always maintained proper respect for his seniors.

“Well? What are you looking at?” Yamato restated.

Sai pointed at Naruto and Sasuke on the other side of the tub. “Why is dickless the only one who can touch Uchiha?”

“They have a strong bond,” Yamato quickly replied as if it was obvious.

“Uzumaki and I have also created a bond over these years, but he doesn’t give me the same attention or touch me so familiarly. Is Uzumaki perhaps flirting with Uchiha?”

Yamato glanced over at the other young men, as did Sai. Naruto’s elbow rested on Sasuke’s shoulder, body leaning towards the other’s as he prattled on about something or other. Uchiha sat up straight, but made no sign that the presence was either welcome or unwelcome.

“It appears so.”

“But why does the Uchiha endure it?” Sai was especially interested in this part. It would perhaps inform him of why his own efforts had failed.

“Uchiha must like the attention. Or at least, he doesn’t dislike it.”

Sai frowned. “The people I flirted with did not react well. Does this mean the action was unwelcome?”

“Yes.” Yamato didn’t even attempt to soften the blow. “You have been flirting?”

Sai nodded. “I still don’t quite understand it though. I tried to do what the book said.”

“You like someone?”

Sai quirked his head to the side. Yamato smiled. “I didn’t think so.” Sai was confused.

“Explain.”

Yamato put a hand on his shoulder, but kept the rest of his body away. “This,” he gestured to his hand, “is a gesture meant to comfort. It shows that I care about you like a friend or teammate. But if I do this,” he leaned his body forward, angling it so their faces came closer together, “it means I am flirting. It means I care about you and want a bond stronger than the bond of friendship.”

“Stronger than friendship?”

“It means I want to do things to you that only happen in the advanced chapters of Icha Icha.”

Sai’s eyes widened in understanding and he gave a little hop to scoot away from Yamato-sempai. His eyes drifted back to his other teammates and pondered these gestures carefully. There was very little difference between them and such a huge difference in meaning.

“This is confusing.” He watched the other boys a few seconds longer. “So Uzumaki and Uchiha want to reenact chapter 69?”

“Maybe. Maybe they already have.” Sai began to ponder this. He studied them carefully, looking over Uzumaki carefully. What was it about the boy that made him less offensive to Uchiha than everyone else? What was it that he had that no one else did?

“What does dickless have that everyone else doesn’t?”

Judging by the length of silence that followed his question, Yamato seemed to be pondering his answer carefully.

“Well, what was it that made you decide to become friends with him? Perhaps it’s related.” Sai pondered this carefully. It felt like it happened long ago and yet it had to have been only a few years. It was around the time that they were searching for Sasuke- one of their many failed attempts to bring him back and it was something that the other boy had said, and the way he smiled. The way he smiled. Maybe that was it. But Sai smiled all the time and it didn’t seem to help any.

Sai studied Naruto carefully. His mouth quirked up more on one end than the other, but both eyes nearly slid shut into half moons. He also showed a lot of teeth. Perhaps that was the trick.

Sai tried to give a lopsided grin, imitating what he imagined Uzumaki’s smile to look like and flashed an experimental grin at Yamato.

“Is there something wrong?” Sai held the smile and shook his head, but cracked one eyes open to look at how Yamato was taking it. He was slightly disappointed when Yamato was giving him the googly eyes again. “Then stop smiling like that. It’s creepy.”

Sai’s face slid back into a blank mask. Somehow, he felt that should have been his line.


The question plagued him for many days. He made sure he observed Uzumaki carefully, noting his mannerisms, his speech patterns and his daily habits. He tried to imitate some of them, but that would only raise alarm and cause people to ask him questions.

It was while they were leaving the training fields one day that Sakura stopped him, and asked him why he was imitating Naruto’s style of walking. Sai immediately stopped, realizing that that wasn’t it either.

Sai narrowed his eyes, looking at him once more.

“Uh, are you okay, Sai?” Sakura asked him suspiciously. “You didn’t get hit too hard back there, did you?”

“Shut up, hag.” Sai tried to ignore her. Sakura punched his shoulder and he grimaced a little.

“I was trying to be nice, but if you’re gonna be a jerk about it…”

Sai quickly remembered that Sakura had been the receiver of many admirers and that quite a few boys had often flirted with her. He didn’t know why, but experience was experience and right now, he had some questions.

“Wait. Explain something to me.” Sakura quirked an eyebrow at him, letting him know she was still annoyed with him, but he ignored it. He looked over at Naruto and Sasuke walking farther up ahead and Sakura followed his gaze. “Why does one accept someone’s flirtations and extra attention? Yamato explained why one flirts, but what makes the other person accept?”

Sai looked at Sakura expectantly. She stopped to think about her answer, annoyance clearly gone, and after looking at their departing teammates, a look crossed her face. He wasn’t familiar with it’s meaning, and so he ignored it while waiting for her answer.

“We accept the feelings of those who offer something we desire.”

“Desire?”

“It’s different for everyone. But usually the person we accept has something we want. Something we feel we can receive from them- love, money, companionship, or even power. Those are just a few examples.”

Sai could understand that. So relationships were simply an exchange of sorts; a bartering of material or nonmaterial goods. “What does Uzumaki have to offer that Uchiha wants? What does he have that the rest of us don’t?”

Sakura burst out into laughter. “Is THAT why you’ve been copying him all week? You want someone to like you?” Sai looked at Sakura blankly. “You DO realize that Ino was bitching for a week after you hit on her and then ran away. She’d totally jump you.” This was news to Sai. Perhaps his interpretation of various reactions wasn’t so apt.

“Thank you, Sakura.” He dashed away, having many new things to consider.


They all sat around the table- Choji, Shikamaru and Naruto on one side and Sakura, Ino and Sai on the other while the meat grilled between them. Smoke wafted up, surrounding them in a white cloud that saturated their hair and clothes with the smell of barbeque. Naruto was trying to grab one with his chopsticks when Sai’s question had again risen to mind. He had yet to ask Naruto the question he’d been dying to ask, but there had been no opportunities before this.

“Uh, Sai, you can have this piece… really. Just say so next time instead of staring me down like that.” Naruto made a sign of shuddering. “You’re gonna be making Yamato like eyes before I know it.”

“What ability do you have that no one else does?” Sai asked outright.

“Huh?” a chorus of voices rang out all around the table. Naruto looked baffled by the sudden change in topic, but quickly began thinking of an answer.

“Rasengan!” his eyes lit up at once.

Sai considered this. “But Jiraiya-sama is the one that taught you and Kakashi-sempai can duplicate it.”

Naruto frowned, clearly offended. “But *I* am the only one that invented its completed form!” He folded his arms, clearly gloating.

Sai pondered this. It was true… Naruto was the only one that could perform the jutsu. The sharingan could copy the basic form, but had no ability to produce the necessary elemental chakra. Uchiha’s lightning based jutsus were also susceptible to harm from Naruto’s powerful wind chakra. It made sense. It all fit together.

“So Uchiha accepts your affections because he wants your power.” He nodded, finally satisfied with his answer.

Naruto sputtered, Sakura spit out her mouthful of water and Shikamaru looked amused. “That’s none of your business!” Naruto turned red. “And I happen to have plenty of attributes! Some people even call me sexy!” Sakura smacked her forehead. Sai thought this over and shook his head.

“No, I’m positive it’s rasengan he wants. If he simply wanted someone dickless, he would have picked a girl.”

Shikamaru grabbed Naruto and pulled him out of the booth before he could throw any punches. He dragged him out of the store, threatening to use shadow bind on him if he didn’t calm down. Sai watched calmly as his outraged teammate was escorted out by their friend. As soon as they disappeared he calmly took a sip of water, happy to have finally reached a conclusion to the question that plagued him so long. While drinking his water, he noted that Ino and Sakura were trying to cover their laughter next to him and Choji just looked at him in shock.

“Did I say something wrong?”



"We lost because we told ourselves we lost."
~Leo Tolstoy

~*~Battle 7:~*~
Iruka

One week later…

It felt like ages since he last saw Naruto. He managed to spot the boy just down the street his team nearby. It looked like they had just returned from a mission and only Naruto seemed to be his cheerful self.

“Naruto! Long time no see!” Iruka smiled. The boy, no- make that young man, beamed at him. “Iruka-sensei!” He bounded forward and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Mou, I’m not your teacher anymore. We’re both chuunin. You don’t need to be so formal.”

Naruto chuckled. “It’s habit dattebayo!”

Iruka greeted the others as they caught up. Sakura smiled, Kakashi saluted him and Sasuke gave a short nod of recognition.

“Successful mission?” He asked the general group.

“Of course,” Kakashi smiled. “Excuse me, but I must file the mission report before the day is over. Osaki ni*”. He poofed.

“Ah!” Sakura exclaimed. “I need to report to Shizune-sempai at the hospital! Later guys!” Sakura ran off. Iruka looked at Sasuke, waiting to see what his excuse would be, but he stood quietly.

Iruka looked to Naruto, but was surprised to see that he looked a bit down.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” A plan had already formed in his head. “I was thinking of getting some ramen.”

“RAMEN?” Naruto’s face lit up immediately. “Did you hear that Sasuke? Ramen!”

“I’ll pass.” Sasuke coolly began strolling away. “See you tomorrow on the training grounds- early.” He walked away without a single glance back. Iruka thought it odd that Sasuke should be so cool towards his teammate, but the only surviving Uchiha wasn’t renowned for his warm personality.

A quick glance at Naruto and his suspicions grew. Naruto’s shoulders were slumped a bit as if this wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for. Had those two been having trouble again? “Yeah, okay,” he said belatedly before turning back to face Iruka and smiled. “Let’s go!”

Naruto’s appetite was certainly one thing that had not changed. He had the chopsticks ready to go before the bowl was set down in front of him.

“Itadakimaaasu!” He cheered and promptly began devouring his noodles. Iruka smiled. He had gotten taller, stronger and yes, perhaps even a bit smarter, but when Iruka glanced over at the young man eating noodles next to him, he pictured that twelve year old trouble maker with goggles perched on his forehead.

“It’s good to see some things don’t change,” he wondered aloud before slurping up some of the steaming noodles in front of him. He added some onions and sipped the broth noisily, pausing only when he realized that the only sounds of eating were coming from him. Iruka turned to look at Naruto and immediately noticed how tense his body was posed; his shoulders hunched up, brows furrowed deep in thought while his chopsticks hung mid-air.

“Naruto?” He didn’t move, but the lowering of his eye lids let Iruka know he had been heard. “What’s troubling you?”

“Ano sa ano sa,” he paused, blue eyes staring at his steaming bowl. “Let’s say your friend- a friend of mine, not me!” he interjected hastily, “but let’s say your friend is really strong. Like totally amazingly, could totally stand up to baa-san strong, but he can’t admit when he’s not. And let’s say you and your friend have a bet about who is stronger, but your friend is unfair by discounting the things he can’t beat you at. What do you do?”

Iruka chuckled. Naruto looked so serious, staring at that bowl of noodles before his stomach let out a loud rumble.

Turning red, he seemed to snap back to his senses and began eating like a starving man.

Iruka laughed even more. Despite his protestations, Iruka had an inkling that this “hypothetical” situation involved a certain aloof teammate.

“It sounds like one of them is trying too hard to be better than the other.” Naruto gazed up at him, a mouthful of noodles hanging out of his mouth.

“Hr?”

“Both boys are trying to prove that they are better than the other. Though one a bit more than the other, I think.” Iruka smiled. “It’s natural to want to beat your friends and rivals. Especially if you’re…” he caught himself, “I mean they are ninja. We all strive to be stronger.” He gave Naruto a wink.

“But what most kids don’t realize is…there’s no way to win that one. It’s a losing battle.” Naruto scrunched up his brows in thought, mouth still slurping up the broth as he lifted the bowl with one hand.

“How so?”

“No one can best someone else at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.” Naruto nodded, though he still seemed to be concentrating. “No one is better than someone else. Some of us just have more visible strengths. After all, can you think of many who best Lee’s speed? Or Tsunade-same’s medical skills? But Lee can’t use genjutsu and Tsunade-sama is famed for her bad luck in gambling.” Naruto nodded emphatically.

“And ero-jiji can’t withstand my oiroke no jutsu!” he shouted triumphantly. Iruka cringed a little, but he had to agree.

“Trying to prove you’re better than someone else is silly. It’s fine to want to improve, but it’s a battle that simply can’t be won. Instead, all we can do is recognize our weaknesses and strive to accept the ones we can’t change. The only real battles, Naruto,” he looked the younger man in the eye, “are against ourselves.”

Naruto paused and placed his bowl on the counter. His eyes had widened in surprise, seeming to contemplate those words before a familiar grin slid into place.

“Thanks, Iruka-sensei.” He finished off the bowl. “I think I understand now.” Iruka smiled and pat him on the back, genuinely glad to help.

“Okawari!” Naruto shouted to the owner.

“Hey hey! I didn’t say I’d treat you to TWO bowls!” Iruka whapped Naruto on top of the head.

“But I’m still hungry!” he rubbed the spot with his left hand. “Iruka-sensei, KECHI!”*

Iruka laughed. Some things definitely didn’t change.


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Notes:
Rotemburo- an outdoor bath usually found in hot springs or public bathing houses
Osaki ni- A greeting used to apologize for leaving before everyone else
kechi- cheapskate

Hope you enjoyed!