The past

III
Our past. Your best friend. His lover.

“Welcome back.” Naruto tried to sound as cheerful as he could, despite the difficulty he’s having as he slowly walked towards Neji who was silently removing his shoes by the entryway.

“Ah.”

“Have you had dinner? There’s something-”

“I ate out with my colleagues outside. Don’t bother.” Naruto paused from walking towards Neji altogether, he could only watch the man tug his tie off and drop it somewhere on the floor.

“How about work?” Naruto tried again, taking one step forward at a time and stopping altogether as Neji briefly walked past him as if he were air. Naruto lowered his head as he heard the sound of the door behind him creak open and close with a quiet clack, knowing that what could be waiting for him was Neji’s sleeping form, whose position from the time that they had that ‘accident’ had not changed from facing the wall instead of Naruto’s direction.

He especially took the time to cook Neji’s favorite, and he was looking forward to eating with him again, seeing the look of suppressed hatred on Neji’s face was more than enough to make him lose his appetite altogether.

But a sudden hope sprung a kind of relief inside his chest to see Neji watching the television inside the room on the bed, an ashtray in hand and the other puffing some smoke.

When had he learned to smoke?

“Neji… um… I was wondering, I took a month’s vacation, we could-”

“Listen.” Naruto couldn’t help but be frozen to the spot as pallid lilac pupils pinned him to his position on the edge of the bed.

“I just slept with one of my staff.” Neji said without batting an eyelash, eyes hard on Naruto as the look of hurt then bitterness crossed the blonde’s face in two seconds before his trembling lips curled into a smile.

“So. Are you relieved now?”

“I didn’t even remember her name but the sex was GREAT. Nothing really compares to a woman.” Every word, every character, tone and gesture, every expression that crossed the brunette’s face was like a knife stabbing the blonde one after the other repeatedly as Naruto silently broke down. And Neji silently observed with obvious reluctance to continue, the shimmering tears dampened the material on Naruto’s lap.

“She’s beautiful. You remember Ino?” The sobs became louder by the minute, but Neji had to, he just had to confirm something.

“Long hair, shapely body, she’s got a masters degree did I tell you? She mewls a lot though. Quite a turn on.” Neji forgot to mention she had blonde hair and blue eyes.

“Yeah… I just want to advise you Neji. If you don’t want to be caught by your co-workers and start a dirty rumor, you should find a more discreet place instead of going to Ideals for every tryst.” Naruto left the building in his car in a matter of less than three minutes, and Neji was left looking pretty much like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen on the bed.

“He… knew.”

+++

Naruto couldn’t describe how crushed he was when he saw Neji heading to a corner just ten blocks away from his office building a little too frequently with a certain blonde office girl in his car.

An affair.

Not just a one night stand.

Not just a trick of the booze.

It was an affair.

He instantly knew why Neji was doing it, why he was involved in some illicit relationship with Sakura’s best friend. It was to get back at him, but why did Neji tell him that outright? He was prepared to bear it. He was prepared to pretend he knew nothing. Was Neji so desperate to get rid of him that he himself had told him that? Naruto didn’t know what to do anymore, he couldn’t even remember the last time they had sex with each other, or had meals together, or had simply just… talked.

Up until the tiredness had consumed him he remained confused, deciding to think about it the next day, he wrenched the lever on the side of the back seat to make it to a makeshift bed and turned the engine off before he curled into a fetal position and slept the coldness of the night away.

+++

Naruto soon woke up to the repeated banging on the window shield, he didn’t just feel numb and sore, he felt so desperate that crying would be out of the question. With a heavy groan he pushed the door open, revealing a concerned Sasuke quickly pulling him up from his stiff sleeping position.

“Naruto what the fuck happened?!”

“Oh it’s you. You happy now? My lover hates me. So do what you want and just kill me already.”

“Naruto…” Naruto soon broke down in Sasuke’s shoulders, a night at the park made Naruto realize how he felt so alone and afraid without Neji by his side. After the comforting session which Naruto commented how Sasuke was so unbelievably good at, he checked into a nearby hotel in the district, courtesy of his money of course no matter what kind of protest Sasuke put up.

“Sasuke, you did that on purpose.” Naruto said suddenly as he pointedly looked at Sasuke at the end of the bed who seemed unruffled by the confrontation.

“Yes. And what if I did?”

“You don’t know what chaos you caused for the both of us Sasuke. How can you be so selfish?” Naruto was tired of being angry, he was tired of being hurt, perhaps it would be better to just let his heart numb for a while.

“I told you I’ll do anything to make you come back to me.”

“Sasuke. Even if Neji and I weren’t lovers. It would still be impossible for me to be with you.”

“Why!?” With a calm expression, Naruto stared at Sasuke, their eye contact not breaking.

“Because I don’t love you anymore Sasuke. And when I don’t love the person anymore I don’t commit to him. Doing that would be unfair, to the both of us. Sasuke…” Naruto heavily sighed. “We’ve had this conversation plenty of times already. Before the senior graduation… back in the reunion five years ago… please… forget about us. Right now Neji’s my only happiness Sasuke… I didn’t want to tell you this Sasuke, but when you refused to see me that day… I decided to end my life. You WERE my life.” Sasuke couldn’t help but wince as Naruto cupped one of his hands and brought it on the blonde’s lap.

“And when I lost you. Neji gave himself to me. No one can deny, you’ve been a very big part of me, and I will not forget you. But this is the present Sasuke. So please I beg of you… I’m his lover now.” Sasuke then felt the warmth of Naruto’s breath as the blonde leaned against his hand. “Let go of our past already. If you keep chasing it, you’ll never find your future.”

“What about you? Have you found your future?” Hard black eyes trained on the blonde’s hunched back.

“I’ve lost it Sasuke. And I’m not sure if I can ever find it again. But… that’s what’s so exciting about life right? Unpredictable.” At that the blonde straightened and smiled, Sasuke put on an equal though forced smile at the blonde.

“Yeah. Unpredictable.”

Who would have predicted that we’d end up apart like this? I will not chase after the past anymore but I will not forget it, I treasure you that much Naruto. Please be happy if not with me, please be happy with Neji.

+++

[What’s your plan now?

I have a relative in the suburbs, I’ll just stay there until things cool off for the both of us then maybe… maybe…

He’ll come around. If he really loves you as you say, then he’ll do anything to find you. Just as I had done.

I knew it wasn’t just a coincidence I saw you in that strip club!

Shut up dobe.

Then I’ll be going now.

Yeah. We’re still friends… Aren’t we?

I’ll always be your best friend Sasuke. I never stopped being one.

Bye.

Yeah. See ‘ya!]