Icha Icha Incident

Sorry its been a while since we updated, lots of excuses but you don't care you just want your update xD

Since I'm a lazy bastard and couldn't think of anything only about three paragraphs of this chapter are from me and they are pretty lame. So thank the wonderful Cassandra Incognito for writing this piece of gold ^^

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Naruto’s bleary salt encrusted eyes slowly opened, to a giant roar coming from above, it seemed like the entire ship was bursting with energy while Naruto himself lay in his hammock. Slowly working one leg over the leg the teen was quickly spun then flipped out of the material to land on his ass with a bounce.

“Ooooo...” The teen moaned, rubbing his eyes and his ass as he slowly stretched to work out the kinks in his body.

“Never again will I complain about my bed at home,” he mumbled under his breath as he slowly worked his way up the stairs to the aft.

“We’ll be eye deep in the wenchs by nite’, Ghost. With enough grog to sending ye’ tumbling over the edge and back again.” Kiba said with a strong smack on the teen’s back that sent him stumbling forward.

“Huh? We’re doing what now?” Naruto asked, still trying to shake off the last dredges of sleep.

“Land ho!” Lee shouted from the crow’s nest.

The crew erupted in exclamations of joy, and ran off towards their jobs, intent on finishing their tasks

“Come on lad. The Captain be wanting ye’ fer something.” Kiba said, steering the teen towards the cabin.

Upon entering the teen was pushed into a chair, while Kiba stood nearby. Sasuke looked up from his map on the desk to motion Kiba that it was alright and he could leave. After the door closed, Sasuke stood and walked over to the teen, and putting a hand on his shoulder from behind, and moving to whisper in his ear.

“This ship has eyes and ears everywhere Ghost. Ye best keep what I say to you here to yourself, or I’ll be seeing you in the Davy Jones. Sweet arse or not ye’ll be walking the plank. Got me?”

“Loud and clear.” Naruto said with a gulp. There was no way he wanted to become some shark’s midday snack.

The raven fingered the shimmering locks of the teen, and smoothed out the strands with his fingers before placing a kiss on the locks. “Now that we’ve got all the unpleasantness out of the way I have a job for ye.”

“Aye? I mean yes?” Naruto asked, shaking his head at the speech that had he had become accustomed to over the span of a week.

“When we reach the port of Konoha yer to follow me. You’ll be taking down notes, and helping me with me orders. Ye aren’t to be separated, and if ye do a good job, I’ll have a small treat fer ya. Ye got me?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Good. Now follow me.”

The pair headed out of the cabin to where a small launch was waiting in the water. After being lowered onto the boat they set of towards the town of Konoha, with more than half the crew in tow. The other half staying on board to guard until the other came back and switched.

Sasuke sat at the bow, looking regal despite a slight layer of grim that had built up from his time on the ship. His hair remained perfectly intact, the wind failing to displace a single strand. ‘Maybe it’s all the salt water’ Naruto thought to himself.

“Where are we going Captain?” He asked quietly.

“We’re going to meet with one of my informants, have my men gather some supplies, and perhaps let them have a little relaxation time, right men?!”

A booming ‘AYE AYE CAPTAIN!’ Was quickly followed by enthusiastic banter about what indulgences they would partake in. Many of the men seemed to wish to join in some carnal activities with some of the women from the local whore house, while others just wished to get blitzed out of their skulls. Naruto simply nodded his head and tuned them out. A question was plaguing him. How in the world was he going to get out of this world? He barely knew how he got inside in the first place, except that he was reading one moment then poof! In the book the next...

“THAT OLD BASTARD!” Naruto growled.

The crew seemed to shrink back from the blonde’s outburst. Kiba shifted forward to place a tentative hand on his shoulder.

“What be ailing ye’ Ghost?”

‘ I don’t know how he did it.... but I know he put me in here. I just have to figure out how.’ Naruto pulled out of his reverie... and his plot to kill Saratobi through various painful methods. He shook his head and gave a small smile to Kiba, before replying. “I’m fine. I just remembered something about my... grandfather. Yes, about my grandfather.”

Sasuke now seemed to be intrigued by the conversation. “What about your grandfather?”

“Oh nothing much. Just a memory about a time when the old windbag thought I needed more adventure in my life, although I clearly didn’t, and thought that he’d do something for my benefit when it clearly serves his own fucking purposes, and that he’s a crazy old bastard who thinks he’s all wise and cool when really all he does is mess with people’s lives, because he a horrible, horrible, cruel and evil person.”

“Billions of blue blistering barnacles! How in the world did ye say that in one breath Ghost?” Kiba asked in astonishment.

“Huh? Oh... I dunno. I guess I have good lungs.” Naruto replied, torn away from his rant and feeling slightly better for it.


‘I’ll be hearing ye using them all night long before long my little sunrise.’ Sasuke thought to himself, while appreciating the windswept blonde locks swaying in the wind as the teen gazed out into the sea.

Kiba shook his head and laughed to himself before turning his head back to scan the shore while Sasuke kept his eyes locked firmly on the teen, a strange smirk gleaming in his eyes. Before long the boat hit sand and a few of the crew jumped out and pulled them the rest of the way up.

Sasuke eyed Naruto one last time before gracefully climbing out, his overcoat catching briefly on the wooden trim and having to be undone by said blonde before he could move any farther.

"Now men remember to stick to yer duties first. Ghost ye better not lose sight of me." He nodded to his first mate before turning on heel and strolling away.

The two had been marching through the bustling town for what felt like hours and Naruto had begun to drag his feet as his head whipped around to try and take in all the strange sights. When Naruto had paused before a small shop with weapon's lining the insides he felt a sharp smack to the top of his head.

With narrowed eyes Naruto's hand shot up to tenderly cradle his new found sore spot as he growled, "What the hell ya do that for?!" Sasuke sighed softly and turned, not bothering to answer the question. "Fucking prick." the blonde continued to mumble as he stomped behind his Captain.

The pair arrived at a rather rambunctious establishment. The noise from the outside was deafening, so Naruto could barely imagine what it was like inside. The building was painted a god awful red, gaudy as hell, and it appeared as if the doors had knockers... for well... knockers. Naruto walked on, expecting Sasuke to keep moving, and bumped into the back of the man as he stopped.

“Hey. What the hell man?” The teen demanded.

“We’re here.”

“Wait. Rewind. Stop. Play. Did you just say that ‘We’re here?’”

“I’m not exactly sure what ye mean by “rewind”, but I assure ye we are here.” Sasuke said with a smirk.

“And what the hell is here?”

“My informant.”

“Wait. So you mean to say we’re going in there?” The teen said pointing wildly, his eyes wide.

“That is exactly what I mean to say.”

“I can’t go in there!”

“I assure ye that there’s nothing to worry about.”

As soon as Sasuke finished his last word the doors flew open and a bloody, and completely intoxicated man landed at their feet, and was soon followed by a series of empty and half-empty bottles, which smashed on the pavement and on the man himself.

“Top o’ the morn to ye there laddie. Ye sssuure arre a ssexxyy one ain’t cha... bet yer a tease jus’ like the other wenches.” The man slurred, his hand travelling up Naruto’s ankle.

Naruto pointedly looked at Sasuke, before the raven kicked the man off and allowed him to fall into the arms of Morpheus, or perhaps the arms of the god of intoxicated coma’s, if one existed.

“I rest my case.” The blonde said, crossing his arms in a final move.

“If ye don’t follow me now, I’ll leave ye to the tavern to do with ye what they want. Got me?”

Naruto paled and quickly raised his hand to his forehead in a salute. “Aye aye Captain!” He said following behind.

Upon entering Naruto noticed one of two things. One. This wasn’t just a tavern. Oh no. It was also a whore house. The second, that apparently the women had a fondness for blondes. Naruto was stock pale as he walked by women in the... establishment. Various cat calls were heard, followed by the occasional smack on the behind.

“Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!”

“That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!”

“I’ll make you jolly, roger.”

Sasuke held his arms as he led him through clouds of perfume and lipstick, the teen finally emerging covered in red marks from kisses, and looking disorientated, and ruffled.

“Did I just get laid?” He asked.

Sasuke shook his head as he practically dragged the teen up the stairs, leaving the women to coo in disappointment. The pair came to a locked door. Sasuke let out a series of knocks, two quick, one slow, one hard, three soft, pause, three hard and quick, followed by a “Open the damn door ye damn pervert!”

Naruto heard a grumbling and then a series of locks opening. Sasuke kicked the door open, knocking whoever opened it to the ground while he marched forward and grabbed a white haired old man by the lapel and lifting him by a few inches.

“Now Sasuke, is that any way to greet your informant?” The old man said, holding his hands out to his sides in a non-threatening manner.

“When my informant, in informing others. Then yes. Now you wouldn’t be able to tell me why I found this lovely little catch on an island that only I, my brother and you know how to navigate?”

The old man appeared completely perplexed, looking over Sasuke shoulder to scrutinize Naruto closely. His eyes widened in slight shock and horror, before his mouth shut in a grim line. “I haven’t a word to say on the subject, except that I informed no one of the location, and that I did not put the boy there myself.”

Sasuke stared into the man’s eyes for several minutes before releasing his grip and nodding solemnly. “Ghost do you know this man?”

“Uhhh, nope. Haven’t seen him before in my life.” Naruto replied.
The man let out a small huff indignantly, and turned his head away, clearly upset.

“Well what other news do you have old man?” Sasuke asked.

“It’s not old man, as you well know brat. And unless you treat me with some respect I might just decide to withhold anything I may or may not know.” The man said, refusing to turn around, with his arms crossed.

“Fine. Jiraya. Do you have any news?”

“No.”

Naruto had to physically restrain the raven from knocking the old man’s head right off his body, while Jiraya quickly amended his statement. “I meant I didn’t have any news about ‘that’ subject. He’s still at large and no one has seen him for months. However I have heard that Gaara’s ship recently obtained quite a booty, Spanish as well. They are going to be just 8 miles west of here in two days or so. So you might be able to get your hands on some cash to keep the crew going.”

“There. That wasn’t s hard now was it? Come on Ghost we’re leaving now.”

“Wait one moment! You’d better be on the lookout. I heard Kyuubi is haunting the waters nearby. You wouldn’t want to incur his wrath.” Jiraya said to the turned back.

Sasuke looked back and nodded gravely. “Thanks for the information.” The raven quickly turned and walked briskly out of the room, Naruto tripping to keep up with him.

“Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke! Wait!”He yelled, puffing when he finally caught up with the man.

“What?” He snapped harshly, sitting by the small drop awaiting the arrival of his crew.

“What was that about? Who’s still at large?”

“It’s none of your business. Now shut it Ghost or I’ll make good by your name.”

“B-but who’s this Gaara fellow?”

Sasuke sighed, running his hand through his immaculate hair. “A fellow pirate and enemy. I heard he’s cut throat and vicious in battle, but that his treasure aboard is more than worth the risk.”

“And Kyuubi?”

“Someone I hope to God we never meet.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cassandra Incogito's Conscience: You know... I didn’t think it was possible... but I think your pirate lingo has gotten worse.

Cassandra Incognito: Aye my matey. Indeed it has. It’s a bloody curse I’ll tell ye, a bloody curse.