Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: January 18th 2006, Wednesday
second version: June 20th 2008, Friday

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When I first wrote chapter 1 and 2 of Almost Sucks, I had no idea that Naruto had fallen like he had. It was a surprise that jumped me when I started writing this chapter. I think it also sort of saved the story. I love working with Naruto, by the way. He’s just such a beam of sunlight; an amazing optimist and never-quitter.

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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03: I think I fell head over heels

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Naruto had thought about how he would meet the love of his life. It would be sudden, breathtaking and beautiful and he would remember the moment for as long as he lived. Time would stop, like in the movies. Yes, Naruto was definitely a romantic kind of guy.

Although he hadn’t thought he’d meet that one true love so early in his life. He was only fourteen, had planned to spend some years casually dating first. He hadn’t even started dating yet. He had thought it’d be a girl too, the one true love. Thinking about that sudden, breathtaking and beautiful meeting that he would always remember, Naruto had always imagined a girl in front of him. A cute, smiling girl with rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes, radiating joy over finally getting to meet him (because she would have been waiting for the moment too).

It seemed Naruto’s brain was an absolute master of adjustment.

If one were to say that that Sunday had started like any other Sunday, it would be like in the movies. It would also be a lie. It had been a different Sunday from the start. A new family had moved in. There had been bustle in the neighborhood ever since the news got out that someone had bought the house. Everyone was curious. Everyone had had at least one chat with a friend or a neighbor about who was moving in. It was even more interesting because the previous owner of the house had had little to say. ‘It’s apparently a single father and his child,’ she had said to Iruka when coming over to give away some potted plants. ’But I don’t know much, we only spoke on the phone.’ No one remembered having seen a family like that coming to see the house either. The rumors had been flying for weeks. The single father’s wife had died and he had moved with his child away from the sorrow; or they were running from the law; or they were actually not father and child at all, but lovers *and* running from disapproving families.

Naruto wasn’t an idiot. He knew that rumors were rumors and that most of the times they weren’t entirely true. Especially not when they contradicted themselves as much as these rumors seemed to. Lovers running from the law and from disapproving families? Come on. He was a curious guy though and had spent a lot of time throwing glances toward the house that used to be for sale but now wasn’t.

On Saturday evening Naruto’s good friend Lee called and asked if it was true that Naruto’s new neighbor was hot enough to steal all the girls at school. Naruto had almost screamed in frustration. He had managed to be in the bathroom taking a shower just when the family and the moving trucks arrived, a couple of hours before lunch, and hadn’t gotten one glimpse of the child. Until Lee called Naruto had doubted there was one at all; but it seemed the hot new neighbor just wasn’t interesting in unloading moving boxes. ‘How hot?’ Naruto had asked Lee, but Lee hadn’t known. He’d only heard rumors in the locker room before practice, not actually seen the guy. ‘But if they say he could steal all the girls, he’s got to be pretty good looking, right?’ Lee had said. Naruto had only grumbled.

When the doorbell rang on Sunday morning, Naruto had been busy using his Playstation to help him forget about his curiosity. He hadn’t thought about it at first, stabbing away at the buttons as Iruka’s ‘coming!’ drowned in the sound of punches and battle cries. Not until a voice he didn’t recognize trickled through the game sounds had he punched the pause button and listened.

“...ust came over to say ‘hi’ and introduce ourselves. We moved in yesterday, I hope the trucks didn’t bother you.”

It was the father! It had to be. Even though the voice sounded younger and more cheerful than what Naruto had expected from a guy whose hair had turned completely grey. He’d seen the man from the window the day before, moving a few smaller things from the trucks. That was one of the reasons he’d doubted there even was a child. How could you have a child that could be called a child if you were that old?

“No, no. Not at all. How nice of you to come over, pleased to meet you. How do you like it so far? How is the house? Naruto! Come here! Sorry, he’s... Sorry.”

There had been something in Iruka’s voice that for a moment had made Naruto forget about his curiosity and just frown.

“Oh, the house is great. And the neighborhood seems very nice. We’ve had so many visitors coming to welcome us that we could bathe in cookies.”

“Yes, everyone is very curious... err, friendly. We were going to come over too, of course; we just wanted to give you some time to get settled in and... Naruto!”

“...Coming!”

Naruto had crawled to his feet and his curiosity had returned with a surge through his stomach, as if it had known what was waiting on the porch and how special it was. Naruto had known that the child was there too, the ‘ourselves’ when the father talked about introductions had said that much, but he never could have imagined just how... In the same moment as Naruto put his feet in the hall and saw through the open door, his life had changed. He hadn’t seen “the father”, hadn’t seen Iruka and hadn’t heard what they were saying. Time had stopped, breath had been lost and it had been absolutely beautiful.

True love was dark, angry eyes and dark, angry hair. It was pale skin against black clothes and hands stuffed in pockets. It was a scowl that said ‘I hate to be here’. Naruto’s brain had adjusted from cute, smiling, rosy and sparkling in half a split second and then it was decided who Naruto would be marrying.

When the world was switched on again Naruto had been standing on the porch next to Iruka. His right hand had been stretched out and he had been grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.

“I’m Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto! Pleased to meet you!”

Uzumaki Naruto’s future bride had been introduced by his smiling foster father as Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke. He had then been not so subtly kicked by the same smiling foster father into grabbing Naruto’s outstretched hand. The grip had been hard, bordering on painful, but Naruto had tingled in the good way when their skin touched.

One might say that their first meeting had been a disaster; the kind of disaster that starts off bad and keeps getting worse. Naruto was sure he had looked like an idiot in the kitchen, spacing out more than once because of the marvel sitting on the other side of the table. Those guys at Lee’s practice had been lying; Sasuke wasn’t hot enough to steal all the girls at school. He was hot enough to steal *everyone*. Girl or boy, gay or not gay. Naruto had always figured he was straight, but Sasuke had changed that fairly quickly, hadn’t he?

He had a horrible personality though. So rude, never losing the scowl, refusing everything, looking like he wanted to throw up just from seeing Iruka’s delicious cinnamon buns. If it had been any other guy Naruto would have punched him. But it was not any other guy, it was *the* guy. Naruto was in love and with love came tolerance. Maybe Sasuke just wasn’t a late morning person.

The cigarettes had caught Naruto off guard though. Iruka was very strict about smoking. ‘I’d rather you never left the house than you died of lung cancer,’ he had said once. If he had caught Sasuke smoking in Naruto’s room, or smelled the smoke afterwards, Iruka would have gone crazy; and probably never accepted Sasuke as Naruto’s future bride.

And Naruto had never thought that leaving Vulpes Automaton 3000, Space Mission version, on the floor would have such consequences. Sasuke had been stabbed! Yes, he had paid Vulpes back afterwards, but still. Setting your future bride up to be stabbed by your robot models could not be a good way to get him to marry you.

It had been like a movie, but not the kind of movie Naruto had imagined it would be (the romantic kind with soft music and a tear invoking kiss at the end). It had more been like a bad teenage comedy. Guy meets incredibly hot girl and makes a complete idiot out of himself. Only Sasuke wasn’t a girl. If Naruto had been a less stubborn guy he might have given up on the whole idea of marrying Sasuke the same day they met. If Naruto had had a habit of listening more to his brain he would have recognized the signs of bad idea. But Naruto always had been more of a heart guy, and he was proud of his determination.

“I don’t think he made you gay, Naruto,” Lee said and sounded a bit tired, which was odd for him, even though it was late. ‘It’s too late for phone calls,’ Iruka had warned but Naruto really had to tell Lee what had happened with Sasuke and with him. Lee had been away for a match all day and come home late so that Naruto hadn’t been able to call sooner.

“No?”

“I don’t think you can make someone gay, or straight; you either are or you aren’t.”

“But I was straight yesterday,” Naruto pointed out.

It sounded like Lee shrugged.

“If you’re gay today you were probably gay yesterday too. Or bisexual, you still like girls, don’t you?”

Naruto thought about it for a moment.

“No. I only like him now.”

“Oh,” Lee said. “Well... I’m sure it will be fine. Good luck tomorrow.”

“Yeah!”

That was one thing Naruto really liked about Lee; he was always sure that everything would be fine.

-

When he woke up early Monday morning Naruto was in a splendid mood. How could he not be? The sun was shining, the birds were chirping outside his window, the smell of bread fresh from the oven had made its way from the kitchen to his room and he was in love. In love. Sasuke was three houses away and not being a morning person, he was most likely still asleep. Naruto imagined that his future bride was positively adorable when he slept; those angry eyes far away, face not scowling, messy bed hair, mouth slightly open with a corner glistening from drool. Just three houses away. Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and smiled so that his cheeks hurt. His life was the best!

He jumped out of bed and maneuvered easily over the floor as he picked up clothes and got dressed. After a trip to the bathroom, he rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Iruka!”

Iruka looked up from a pot, a smile forming on his lips.

“Good morning, Naruto. You’re up early. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah!”

Steps several times lighter than usual Naruto made his way over to the stove, snaked an arm around Iruka’s waist and leaned over the pot.

“What are you making?”

“Eggs,” Iruka chuckled, as if the question surprised him. Maybe because he almost always made eggs in the mornings. Iruka dropped a hand on Naruto’s head and ruffled.

“I just took the bread from the oven so let it cool off some before you eat it, okay?”

Naruto looked and found a small hill hiding under a kitchen towel on the counter. He let his feet follow his nose. Iruka repeated his warning about them still being hot when Naruto pulled two bun rolls from under the towel and thought of Sasuke. A cup of chocolate was waiting at his place by the table, streams of white rising still from the surface. Iruka told him to be careful with that too.

The man worried too much. That was why yesterday, when Iruka had asked what he thought about their new neighbors, Naruto had said ‘they seemed nice’ instead of ‘I don’t really remember much about the old one, but I’m gonna marry the one that kept refusing your buns.’

Usually Naruto told Iruka pretty much everything. The man had always said that honesty and talking was important in a family; it was part of taking care of each other, and Naruto liked talking, so usually it was a good arrangement. Sometimes it was not so fun. When he knew something that he didn’t want Iruka to know, because he knew that Iruka knowing would result in him being grounded, Naruto was pretty frustrated about the whole honesty and talking thing. Actually, the frustrating part was Iruka’s radar that seemed to have been designed specifically to detect when Naruto knew something that would get him grounded.

Fortunately, that was not the case this time. Iruka wouldn’t ground Naruto for planning to get married to Sasuke. He might ground him if they had already gotten married, but that was not the case. Unfortunately. Naruto just didn’t want Iruka to worry. If Iruka knew Naruto was planning to marry Sasuke, he would worry about them being too different, about Naruto not knowing a thing about Sasuke, about Naruto’s heart getting broken. And a bunch of other things that weren’t even relevant but he would worry anyway because that was what Iruka did.

So, because it was better not to bother him with stuff that there was no need to worry about, Naruto wouldn’t tell Iruka about Sasuke being his intended bride until everything was okay, until Naruto had already proposed and gotten a yes. He chose not to think about how long it would take. Naruto was patience incarnate, when he put his mind to it.

“Be nice to him today, okay?” Iruka said, hands cradling his breakfast cup of tea. He was talking about Sasuke. No, worrying about Sasuke, the man was impossible. “You could show him around school. You’re probably the only one he knows here.”

Naruto swallowed down the bread he’d been chewing with chocolate.

“Of course, I’ll be nice.”

“Don’t be too nice,” Iruka gave Naruto a pointed look.

“I know,” Naruto sighed. “Nice, but not too nice. Friends, but no pushing.”

“Yes,” Iruka drank more tea. “And don’t be upset if he’s distant at first. Moving to a new place isn’t easy; he may not be comfortable here yet. Give him some time.”

Naruto wasn’t sure if Iruka had forgotten that he had said the same things yesterday or if he just thought it needed to be repeated. Yesterday, Iruka had asked Naruto to make friends with Sasuke and Naruto had said he would. Of course. For a marriage to be healthy and lasting the couple shouldn’t just be a couple, they should be good friends too. Fortunately Iruka hadn’t asked why Naruto didn’t protest.

Though apparently, making friends with Sasuke was a bit more advanced than making friends with someone else. Naruto had suspected that. From that first time-halting moment, Naruto had known that it would take some time and patience to get Sasuke to the altar. He was okay with that. It was true love! True love was worth some time and patience. Naruto hadn’t known he needed coaching though. Why was Iruka so insistent that they became friends anyway? And Naruto was so relieved he’d decided to keep the marriage plans a secret for now. If there were things to worry about now...

“I’ve got to go or I’ll miss the bus,” Naruto sort of lied. He had time.

“Okay,” Iruka smiled; either didn’t notice the sort of lie or liked that Naruto really didn’t want to miss the bus. He looked at Naruto as if it was the first day of school. “Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

“I won’t forget to brush my teeth,” Naruto scrunched up his nose and forehead as if the thought was ridiculous, and it was. Iruka chuckled. Naruto finished his chocolate quickly and left the table.

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Apparently Naruto was not the only one that had gotten a call about how hot the new guy was. There were a lot of girls waiting at the bus stop who shouldn’t be waiting there. Some of them were supposed to get on at the next stop, or the one after that; some would have had a shorter walk if they had gone straight to school. Many were dressed up and prettier than usual, giggling or whispering or doing last minute fixing of their makeup.

The few guys stood gathered with some distance between them and the girls, looking miserable or annoyed; probably completely unaware that Sasuke was hot enough to steal them too.

“This is it, Uzumaki,” one of the guys sighed when Naruto came to joined them. “I will never get a girlfriend.”

Naruto laughed nervously and fought down the temptation to say ‘neither will I’, because he wasn’t sure how it would come out.

“Can’t be that bad, can it?” he tried to sound hopeful.

The guy snorted and shoved a photograph into Naruto’s hands.

“No, it’s worse.”

Naruto’s heart beat harder. It was a close up picture of Sasuke, face and half his chest. He was scowling and his eyes were dark. Absolutely gorgeous. Someone must have been hiding in the bushes with a camera yesterday. If this had been circulating then the crowd was no surprise. Naruto had to swallow to wet his throat.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And we’re gonna have to see him every day. My life sucks.”

“He... could be cool?” Naruto tried.

“I don’t care,” the guy moped. “He’s ruining my love life. You think there’s one girl who won’t go after him?”

Naruto gave another slow, nervous laugh and handed back the picture even though he wanted to keep it. The guy sighed and stuffed it in his pocket.

“The last chance I’ll ever get to talk to Mio-chan is when I give this back.”

Naruto had expected this. Of course, he was not an idiot. Girls liked hot guys and Sasuke was hot; the fact that he was rude and scowling would only make them more interested. Naruto had expected this, but... But standing face to face with it, with the crowd of very pretty girls in fancy clothes and makeup, he couldn’t help but sense an alarm going off in a small part of his brain that he tried to never listen to. The reasonable part. The one that dealt with thoughts like ‘just because he can turn a guy gay doesn’t mean he himself is gay’ or ‘some of these girls are really pretty. Even if he is gay, what if they’ll turn him straight?’ or ‘maybe he just doesn’t like me.’

A collective gasp from the girls followed by intensified whispers and giggles had Naruto turn his head toward Sasuke’s house. The guy next to him groaned a ‘here we go...’ and there Sasuke was. He wore the same kind of clothes as yesterday, black and slightly oversized, his hair the same angry style and the same ‘I hate to be here’ scowl; the headphones were new. He was still absolutely gorgeous. Naruto found his heart thumping, his palms starting to sweat, his throat going dry again.

Sasuke carried his anger in his steps too, eyes locked on the asphalt right in front of him. Now and then came a squeal from the crowd behind Naruto and he could feel the impatience growing with the girls. It was like they were powering up for a charge, for the right moment to hurry forward and introduce themselves, confess their love or just giggle and smile and say ‘hi’ in cute voices.

No. No, that couldn’t happen. The reason Naruto tried to never listen to that reasonable part of his brain was because it’s only function was to try and scare him into thinking that he couldn’t do it. Whatever it was that he wanted to do. And he could. Life was not reasonable. Those girls in the crowd could dress up and get as pretty as they wanted to, but Naruto was the one marrying Sasuke, he just knew it.

“I’m gonna make friends with him,” Naruto blurted to the guy next to him, then he turned and was almost running.

Sasuke stepped off the sidewalk.

“Sasuke!”

Naruto threw a hand in the air and waved and the distance between them lessened. Sasuke stopped, frowned and for a second surprise overrode his scowl. It was back in full force by the time Naruto reached him though.

“Hey, hi... Good morning! Good weather today. Sunny. So... S-sleep well?”

Naruto laughed and hoped he sounded a bit less like an idiot to Sasuke’s ears than he did to his own. If Sasuke could hear anything through the headphones, of course. He glanced behind him and found the girls in the crowd had gone silent, surprised, confused and frowning. Some of them looked very annoyed, arms crossed over their chests and throwing glares that had Naruto wonder if anyone of them were on the boxing team. The guys just looked surprised and confused.

“You.”

Sasuke said it like Naruto was a bad case of fungus. Naruto looked away from the girls and back to what mattered. He didn’t stop smiling.

“Yeah! Me. You remember, that’s so good. Hey, I was wondering if…?”

Naruto blinked and when his eyes opened again he found himself looking at nothing but houses, lawns and street. He frowned, spun around and found Sasuke heading straight for the girls. The ones that had been annoyed and glaring just seconds ago looked horribly amused now, raising brows and throwing haughty looks at Naruto. As if he’d give up there.

“Sasuke, wait!”

Naruto followed, Sasuke kept walking and the girls were sighing and looked annoyed again. Sasuke was getting closer to the crowd, kept walking as if he didn’t have someone on his heels trying to get him to stop.

“Hey, come on. Don’t be like that... I’ve got something for...! Sasuke!”

Naruto had a reason for the chasing, besides keeping his bride away from potential... err, brides. It had been taken from the safest hiding place in Naruto’s room and stuffed in the pocket of his jacket right before he left school. He had run past the kitchen so Iruka’s radar wouldn’t pick up on it. He had planned to wait with it for a better moment with no audience, but he was desperate now.

Just when Naruto had decided to take a chance and grab a sleeve of the black shirt but before he actually did it, Sasuke stopped and turned around. Naruto had to take a quick half step back or run into him. He forgot all about the girls when the dark, furious eyes burrowed into his and he forgot what he had planned to say. Not that Sasuke seemed to have turned to listen.

“Look,” the voice was a growl, barely restrained; Sasuke’s teeth were gritted. “You’re obviously too fucking stupid to take a hint, so, I don’t want you anywhere near me. I don’t want to be your friend; I don’t want to be your neighbor; I don’t want to sit five seats from you in class. Stay the hell away from me.”

Then the bus came, stopped and opened the doors. As if it had been sent there just for him, Sasuke could just turn and walk in. He did.

Behind Naruto girls giggled or whispered or muttered. ‘Thanks, Uzumaki,’ one sighed in annoyance. ‘I got up at five to be here.’

Naruto had heard somewhere that love was odd, tricky. If you had something planned for love, it would go against it just because it could, because it was love. Naruto had thought it sounded weird, like love was a four year old kid in the obstinate age. But maybe that was what love was.

It didn’t really matter though, what love was or why it had messed up Naruto’s vision. It was too late now, nothing he could do about it. Nothing the girls could snort or Sasuke could growl that would change anything. Naruto was in love.

Things might look not so bright today, but that didn’t mean they had to look not so bright tomorrow. Sasuke just needed some time. Iruka had said so too, right? Maybe that was the reason Naruto had found true love so early in his life. He needed a few years to make Sasuke warm up to him and fall in love too. Naruto could be patient. If he had to, Naruto could wait with the marriage until they were fifty.

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