Shinobi Grape Juice

Title: Hard Day
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Anko, Genma, Raidou
Rating: T
Summery: Genma just wants to drink the day away. Anko, is traumatized. (Yaoi implied)
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Don't own, don't make money. It's merely for my own amusement.

Genma had had a hard day. Long, contemptuous and just plain… odd. He couldn’t explain it, nothing about his day made sense, not one single event - except perhaps the occasional snort and giggle coming from the Hokage. After all, she was drunk. But ignoring that, it was still a damn hard day. Things… unexplainable things had… happened.

Reaching for what was fast becoming his fifth drink, it came as no surprise to the tokubetsu jounin that his alcoholic beverage was indeed gone. He sighed, shrugged, and with a slight slur called out to anyone willing. “Beer!”

The bartender curtly nodded.

“Two beers!” The thieving culprit called over his shoulder.

The bartender nodded again before leaving to fill their order.

“Mitarashi-san,” Genma glared at the offending, thieving kunoichi.

“Not you too!” Anko whined. “I’ve been glared at enough for one damn day. Back off senbon-boy.”

“You’re the reason I’m in a mood,” the honey-blond jounin growled. “Take it like a man.”

“Oh, puh-lease…” the kunoichi squawked rather dramatically. “If it wasn’t for you and that god-awful rumor of yours NONE of this would have happened.” Her fist hit the bar causing some of the elderly patrons to shoot disapproving glances her way. Not that they’d actually sum up the courage to say anything.

Cowards! All of ya! Anko mentally barked.

Quashing an eternal sigh, Genma picked up one of the beers they’d been handed and waved it under his not-so-wanted drinking buddies nose. The woman’s eyes kept squarely to the floor, obviously lost in some kind of traumatic memory. This time Genma did sigh. “You first?”

Snapping back, Anko scowled at herself and more openly at the offending… beer. Oh. Beer. She snatched the glass from her self-imposed company’s grasp, slogging down more then half its contents before continuing her scowl. “First,” she rocked back on her chair. “It started with your damn rumor. I can’t believe you’d never, not even once, screwed up with one of those damn things.” She waved her hands dramatically around the needle between the jounin's lips for emphasis. “Not even once!”

Genma’s eye twitched. Surely, his whole day, everything that woman had done, including this quite unwanted bonding moment had not been caused by a rumor Raidou and himself half-heartedly let slip into the Konoha grapevine? Surely not? He suppressed a groan and moved back on his seat, away from the flailing ligaments of his ‘supposed’ long-time friend.

“Then the hentai,” Anko moaned in pure anguish. “Why, why did I make a bet with that bastard?! And then of course Yuuhi-chan just had to tell me about the Hatake-Umino-Academy-Molestation rumors. And I just had to know!” Anko shuddered and in less then point-naught-six-seconds the remainder of her glass was emptied.

In utter dismay, she discarded the offending object by tossing it over a shoulder. There were a few unceremonious rumbles, tables and chairs shifting, and breaths catching as possible shinobi and civilians alike tried to catch the makeshift missile, followed closely by the shattering of said weapon. Really, anything became a weapon in the hands of a kunoichi, they were just that much more inventive then their male counterparts.

Again Anko’s fist hit the bar. “Beer!”

The bartender nodded.

“And that bastard… Arhg! Four years, four years I’ve been working with that silver-haired pervert, Shiranui. And not once have I ever heard him talk more then six non-mission related words. ‘Shut the hell up, I’m sleeping’. Best damn conversation we’d ever had.” The now raving kunoichi paused momentarily to chug down two-thirds of her newly arrived beer.

The bartender silently feared for his hand as she’d snatched it away.

“Why?” She groaned. “And he… uhg… kami he moves like an Inuzuka. He’s so…” The woman flushed and made a slight noise in the back of her throat from just remembering the way that Hatake brat had purposely slid his body along hers during their earlier exploits. Where were the leather and chains when a woman needed them?

“Twenty minutes,” Anko continued. “That’s all I’d need.”

Trying to figure it out, Genma vocalized. “So your problem isn’t that he’s a bastard, or even a hentai. It’s because he left you hot and bothered? That’s what this is-”

“No!” Anko’s eyes flew wide, her head shaking from side to side. “Iruka…” her voice whimpered, body unable to suppress the shudder.

“Iruka?” Genma’s brow arched.

“Cute… sexy… kami…” the purple-haired kunoichi growled, multiple personalities in full swing. “That’s what he said - cute, sexy, kami. And Ruka-kun, gods… I tried. I really tried to get the gossiping truth, but it was like he knew. He just knew there were those three little somethings up here.” She tapped her head mindlessly. “And he - he…” Anko swallowed, finally turning those wide eyes towards Genma’s baffled ones. “He used THAT voice, Gen-kun.”

Genma shuddered. There was nothing else his childhood friend needed to explain on their little Ruka-kun’s vocal abilities. He knew that voice from personal experience. On some level he guess all their group of friends understood the consequences of THAT voice. Hell, he himself still had nightmares about fruit salad.

“So I - I told him! I just caved.” With a desperate plea for understanding she continued, “You understand right? I mean… the voice. You know what that‘s like?”

Genma silently nodded.

Unnoticed by the two Umino-Revenge fearing jounin, more then half the room also nodded in agreement. This included the patron bartender, a group of celebrating ANBU team members and their Captain. There had even been a hesitant nod from a suspiciously Morino Ibiki-like figure in the taverns shadowed corner. But as previously mentioned, all this joint commiseration was missed by the senbon-lover and snake-handling jounin, too wrapped up in their own horrors.

Finally coming out of whatever prank-induced nightmare the kunoichi had once endured, she remembered their one sided conversation and continued. “But he didn’t yell. I waited, and waited. Kami-sama I was like some pre-K ready to piss my pants, but there was nothing. And I mean nothing, because HE was there. HE said something and Ruka was just… putty.”

With a sigh, Anko sloshed the remainder of her beer about in its glass, then washed it down much too quick to even taste. After all, she wasn’t there for the fun flavors. She wanted to get wasted, smash some unlucky jounin's nose in, and maybe, just maybe get herself screwed. She wanted something to just forget… everything. She shuddered.

Genma shrugged, all the while tapping the bar for another beer. “Doesn’t sound too bad.”

The bartender nodded at the jounin’s request.

“Not too bad?!” Anko asked scandalized. “Gen-kun, I’ve seen things. Unimaginable things, and they’ll never go away!” Grimacing, she dropped her head to the bar. There was a loud thunk, but few people bothered to look up. Mumbling into the wood she continued. “He - they - oh gods Genma - I think he was seme!"

“Huh?!” Genma managed. Although he’d have denied it, even under torture, his initial reaction had been a somewhat, slightly, almost unheard, but obviously-manly squeak. Who was what?!

“Iruka!” She wailed. “He wanted to teach HIS Kashi-kun a few rules in privacy. I never figured him for the exhibitionist type, but I’d give up all my kunai for life if it were a lie. Damnit Shiranui, he SAID things and DID things. My nii-chan!” Her head hit the bar a few more times as though that would help.

“Well,” Genma took in a focused breath, trying very hard not to sway in his upright position. “You are always-”

“Teasing!” Her head shot up, a glare firmly set upon her features. “I tease him, damnit! He’s my Ruka nii-chan! I don’t need to SEE it! And I damn well don’t need to HEAR it! Gods,” the kunoichi finally whimpered, pulling back from a vocal tirade that could have challenged Gai-Sensei for champion noise polluter. “The desk, he pinned him to the desk.”

“Oh, Sensei!” Genma couldn’t help the purr.

“Shut the hell up, senbon-sucker.”

Genma’s head shook from side to side in obvious amusement. “Not your best.”

Anko groaned.

“So,” the orally fixated jounin shifted his senbon to his left while he laid his cheek on the bar, nearly nose to nose with his mentally scarred companion. “About the Hatake-Umino-Academy-Molestation… true?”

“Yes,” she awkwardly nodded.

“And the one that says Ruka-kun is dating Konoha’s sexiest, somewhat porn addicted, jounin bachelor Hatake Kakashi?” He continued gathering facts.

“Yes.” Anko’s enthusiasm could be felt throughout the entire room. No, really, it could.

From a gruff voice somewhere behind and to the right of the pair came, “And the newest rumor - Konoha’s cold and ruthless Copy-Nin, and blushing, mild-mannered academy sensei have fallen in love?”

Anko smirked. Now there was a rumor that had so far only been privy to ANBU ranks. After all, it wouldn’t do for the world to know Hidden Leaf’s number one killing tool actually had a heart. Anko’s smirk softened to a smile. She knew none of it mattered. Not her horror, or the worlds opinion on either men - nothing else mattered because her Ruka nii-chan had fallen in love. It just happened to help that her Ruka nii-chan took shit from no body.

Kakashi was in for one hell-of-a ride.

Like the proud sister she was, Anko called over her shoulder. “Yes, Ibiki-kun. Rumor verified.”

To her surprise, everyone in the tavern cheered. There was even a muffled, ‘about damn time’ which sounded oddly like Tsunade.

--------------------------

Almost an hour later and Namiashi Raidou entered a suspiciously subdued tavern in search of his partner. Once the Leaf patrons had seen who had entered their little home-away-from-home, the murmuring conversations picked right back up. There was a lot of Hatake and Umino’s dropped into far too many conversations. Made a man wonder what he’d missed.

Sidling up behind his barstool-balancing boyfriend, Raidou snaked an arm around warm, well defined hips and nuzzled the nape of Genma’s neck. Momentarily, Genma leaned back into the embrace, before finishing beer number eleven. Hey, after the day he’d had, alcohol poisoning sounded like a swell vacation.

It seemed like everyone had sorted out there woes during Anko’s tirade except himself. And damn that woman but once again she had come in all whirlwind and fury, whined, gossiped, drank and picked up leaving him alone to wallow in the days oddness - not to mention the extra tab. Previous Hatake-Umino fact-finding goodness not included. He was happy for the couple, really, he loved Iruka like a little brother too. But damnit, why couldn’t that bit of warm and tingly news have been the beginning and end of his day? Why not that instead of the mind-spasming events which had taken place?

“Bad day?” Raidou whispered into his lovers ear, noticing the tense shoulders. Genma sighed. Taking this as his que to get comfortable, the scarred jounin commandeered a neighbouring stool and tapped the bar gently. “Beer!”

The bartender smiled and nodded in reply.

Raidou leaned into his boyfriend for a chaste kiss which soon became anything but. His tongue danced in synchronicity, a free hand coming up to capture honey-blond locks, firmly pulling the man in closer. When they finally pulled apart, the lack of oxygen becoming a dangerous factor, Raidou frowned.

“You’re tongue’s swollen,” he commented.

The senbon twitched between his lover’s lips before he finally nodded.

Raidou sipped his beer. “Spill.”

Unintelligibly the tokubetsu jounin mumbled something about crazy kunoichi, fan boy hentai’s and Ping-Pong balls. Looking into the confusion written all over the scarred mans face, Genma shrugged. “Hard day.”


-TBC-


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Did he say ping-pong balls? Just what the heck happen Genma?