Hard Love Life

Hidan was only able to stay away from the base for two days before he came back cold and wet. Blasted Amegakure and it's almost never ending rain. He trudged back to his room, sneezing. "I'm back." he mumbled to Kakuzu, who was at his desk.

“Hn…”

Hidan growled. “Is that all I get?! A ‘hn’? I deserve better!” Hidan proceeded to rant before breaking into a coughing fit.

Kakuzu sighed and looked back at Hidan, "No, you attention seeking whore, all you get is a 'hn' because you're the dumbass who ran away."

"I'm... not an... attention seeking... whore." Hidan managed to wheeze out before coughing again. Hidan hung off of Kakuzu's arm, trying to breath but the constant coughing making it nearly impossible.

Kakuzu pushed Hidan off of his arm, "Don't touch me whore." He walked down a hallway and into a private office, locking the door behind him.

Hidan did his best to glare at Kakuzu's retreating form before standing and heading back to their room. He was unable to find his way around, feeling disoriented. He only wound up in front of the room Kakuzu locked himself in, with a sigh he laid down in front of the door, dosing off.

Kakuzu finished with his paperwork and stepped on Hidan's small frame as he walked out. Glaring down at the smaller man's frame, he prodded him with his foot, "Wake up."

Hidan stirred, looking up at Kakuzu with blood shot eyes. "I couldn't find our room." Hidan said feebly, coughing once before standing up. He swayed on his feet.

Kakuzu scowled light and walked away from Hidan, "You're pathetic."

"What the fuck is your problem?" Hidan snapped, leaning against the wall, “Why are you acting like that? I just left for two days."

Kakuzu shrugged, "Humph, you still left, and I already told Pein you ran away, so he's been looking for someone to replace you."

"Well he doesn't have too! Hell I was staying in the fucking back ally!" Hidan stumbled off, finally locating heir room. His ring was sitting on his dresser with a note saying 'Welcome back.' written in Zetsu's neat handwriting. Kakuzu entered the room and Hidan waved the ring in his face. "See? They already know I'm back. Ha! No new partner for you, filthy heathen!"

Kakuzu sighed and looked at Hidan, "Just shut up and go back to bed, you're sick and need to get better."

"So now you care about me being sick! Fuck you?! Why didn't you look for me? I've been in the rain with this fucking dress on for two days!" Hidan yelled, his face turning a bright pink.

"It's not my job to look for you. Wasted time is wasted money after all."

"Yes it is! I'm your Akatsuki partner! If I go missing then you need to go find me! I'm the only person who can be your partner!" Hidan screamed, beating on Kakuzu's chest before breaking out into another coughing fit again.

Kakuzu stared at Hidan for a few minutes, "You're not the only person. I could get many more. And it's your own stupid fault for running away, not mine."

"I'm the only one who can survive you're outbursts." Hidan stated, pulling off the wet dress and laying down on the closest bed, "Pein wasn't looking for a new Partner. He was looking for me." Hidan tried to get under the covers but only exhausted himself. He finally gave up and just laid there, cold and naked.

"So? I can get new partners after out bursts." Kakuzu shrugged and went to his desk, filling the old bills that lay on his desk. "I don't care who Pein was looking for honestly, and I wouldn’t have cared if you never came back."

"Stop it... Just stop. This is your entire fault. If you had only fucking cuddled with me then we would be having sex right now and I wouldn't be sick." Hidan coughed again, "I'm cold..."

Kakuzu growled, "I'm not your fucking teddy bear to cuddle with, and I'm not about to take the blame for your stupidity!"

"I-I just wanted some affection." Hidan said, curling into a ball to try and keep warm, "Can you get me the electric blanket?."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You're an S-ranked criminal. You don't need affection, nor should you want it." He stood up and threw some more blankets at Hidan. "Honestly, you're pathetic."

Hidan grumbled. "I never even became a Chunin. The village went all-peaceful and tore the academy down. I'm not all hardened and shit." he pulled the blankets around him, "I'm sure you'd be pathetic if you were as sick as me. Now get me the electric blanket! These aren't good enough!"

Kakuzu shook his head, "If it wasn't for your immortality you wouldn't even be anywhere near the qualifications for the Akatsuki..." He went back to his desk and flipped through some pages of paperwork. A soft scoff came from him, "I'm never pathetic. And apparently you're not that sick, you're still talking an outrageous amount. Go get your own blanket."

"No! I'm not getting up." Hidan huffed, scowling at the ceiling, "I didn't think me running off would piss you off so much."

"That's not what pissed me off. It's you running off for no reason, coming back two days later with a cold, blaming me, yelling at me, passing out in front of my office, then having the audacity to ask me to cuddle with you. And now this." Kakuzu muttered, getting too distracted to pay attention to his work.

"Yeah well... 'M sorry." Hidan propped himself against the headboard, "I'm not saying it again. Got it?"

Kakuzu shrugged, "I don't care anymore." He yawned and looked back at Hidan. "You owe me sex as an apology when you get better. 'I'm sorry' means nothing."

Hidan glared at Kakuzu. "Sex? You mean..... Uh..... Make-up sex right?" he coughed again, more to show discomfort, "Lets have it right now then. Like you said I'm not that sick."

Kakuzu stared at Hidan for a few seconds before shaking his head, "No, you're too sick to have sex right now," He shrugged slightly and smirked at Hidan. "I didn't think you'd be so up to it."

"I'm not to sick." Hidan said, holding back a coughing fit, "Come on... I really... Missed having sex with you."

"You are sick," Kakuzu stated plainly, looking over his shoulder at him. "You shouldn't have ran away then."

"Please?" Hidan begged, crawling to the edge of the bed, "I'll do what ever you want! You can do what ever you want to me! Please Kakuzu?"

Kakuzu glared at Hidan, "Look at you. One mention of sex and you're throwing yourself at me. It's disgusting. Don't you have any dignity?"

"No I don't have any dignity! You took it from me the first time we had sex. I'm surprised I haven't been struck down by Jashin yet!" Hidan plopped back on to the bed, "I have committed the worst sin and I want to keep committing it. It just feels so good. I want it."

Kakuzu sighed, "This is why I hate virgins. You take their virginity and they cling to you like a lost child..." He tossed a disgusted look towards Hidan. "I only have sex with people who have dignities."

"What do you care? You knew I didn't have any when it came to sex and you did it with me three times!" Hidan pouted, "You're so difficult. You say things like you don't find me attractive and yet you think I'm sexy when I don't wear underwear. You do Have sex with people who have no dignity. They are the best partners according to what you said to Kisame."

"I did it with you three times before because I hadn't had sex in years and you were an easy lay. Now I've had my fill for the next five or so years, so I'll only have sex when I'm completely in the mood. Unlike now." His glare intensified. "That damn shark never tells the truth, why do you believe him? He's always putting words into people's mouths."

"He didn't say you said it, I heard you say it to him!" Hidan stood up, "Didn't you just say you wanted make-up sex? You not wanting sex for another five years is bullshit! Stop lying!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, trying to brush off the fact that he had said that to Kisame, "Right, I'm sure you heard me say things I never said." Kakuzu scoffed slightly, "Like I said, next five years or when I'm in the mood. I never said I wanted make-up sex now."

"I know what you said! I saw you and heard you!" Hidan stormed up to Kakuzu, jabbing his chest, "Stop lying, I know you better then you think! I'm not stupid! You wanted to have sex with me ever since we fucking met! I know you care about me! You could have just left me on the kitchen floor but you came back and got me!"

"Right, right, okay Hidan, you heard me, I'm caught, I love people without dignity, it's a turn on for me," he muttered in fake sarcasm. "No, I haven't was to have sex with you ever since we first met, that's your ego speaking. And no, I definitely do not care for you what so ever. I only came for you that one day because I didn't want to hear you bitch about how I didn't come and get you a few hours later."

"Shut up. Just-" Hidan panted from exerting himself, he slunk to his knees and gripped the fabric of Kakuzu's pants, "Why are you doing this to me? I don't understand. So... Dizzy." Hidan turned away from Kakuzu's feet and vomited his head spinning.

Kakuzu shook his head, "See what would've happened if we had sex?" He scowled, "You would've vomited on me."

"F-fine you made your point. Help me back to bed, please? I can't tell which way is up." Hidan shook his head.

Kakuzu sighed and picked up Hidan bridal style, carrying him over to the bed. "I didn't do this."

"I know you didn't." Hidan said as Kakuzu set him down, "Now can I have the electric blanket? Please?"

Kakuzu nodded when Hidan agreed with him. He pulled the electric blanket from the closet . Pulling it out, he laid it over Hidan and sighed.

Hidan sighed, smiling. "Now all it needs is to be plugged in." Hidan watched Kakuzu do so, "You have a nice ass by the way."

Kakuzu shook his head, "Don't stare at my ass. I'm not some piece of meat."

"I'll stare at it all I want. It's nice. So are your eyes." Hidan adjusted the heat, "Women should like you."

Kakuzu shook his head once more, "No they shouldn't."

"Yes they should. You're good at sex, you have money, you're strong, and you are very attractive. It's the mask and hood." Hidan sighed, snuggling into the bed, "Sorry I stole your bed."

"I'm not that great at sex, I don't have that much money, I'm smarter than I am strong, and I'm decent looking at the best," he shrugged, rubbing his temples. "It's fine."

"I think you're good at sex. Not that I have room to talk." Hidan rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into Kakuzu's pillow, "Am I any good... At sex?"

Kakuzu hesitated slightly before sitting down on the edge of the bed. He placed a hand on Hidan's back and rubbed it slightly. "Yes, I suppose you are, I mean, you're willing. And tight."

Hidan turned to Kakuzu, sighing. "You'll get your make-up sex tomorrow. I'll be better by then." Hidan then closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

Kakuzu began to stroke Hidan's hair once he fell asleep. He felt a bit odd being affectionate to Hidan, but oh well.