Love for a Brother

There was a tense pause that lasted a brief moment while the brothers simply stared each other down. Sasuke broke the silence first.



“Is that all?”



“We’ll be right back.”



“Right.”



Cold eyes glared after the elder even though he didn’t look back as he closed the door soundly. The depression was seeping back into his bones, and he didn’t have the strength to stop it. Suddenly, he realized that he welcomed the pain that coursed his body. Maybe even felt he deserved it for all the sinful, explicit thoughts that he dwelled upon. It was wrong to feel such a way for someone of the same blood as he, that much he understood, yet forwent. What would he have if he didn’t hang on to such ludicrous fantasies?



He’d be blank and devoid of emotion, life would hardly have meaning if any at all, and he wouldn’t be the person he was now. He was shaped by his experiences, emotions, and memories. Especially the ones that involved Itachi. Not just because he’s known him since infancy, or that they had such an intense brotherly bond, it went so much deeper than that.



What if Itachi had never kissed Sasuke?



Sasuke stared mindlessly at the door for a moment, just listening with his thoughts spinning wildly. The sound of voices, feminine laughter, then the front door closing with finality, finally jarred him. He looked to the pale tiled floor and walked forward.



He sighed and left the bathroom door ajar.



Fuck me.



He scowled as he padded barefoot down the wood floor of the upstairs hall to his room. Once entered, he closed his door softly and turned the lock with a faint ‘click’. He slipped the towel from around him and let it slide to the floor in a heap. The towel lay forgotten as the teenage boy flopped back onto his soiled sheets, as nude as he was, and in the same mindset he was only this morning.



In his mind’s eye he saw the details of his elder brother’s face, his body, his expressions, his moods, his quirks, the glint in his eyes, the pink of his lips…the list went on. His lips especially intrigued Sasuke. The way he smiled got him. It made his heart ache and almost smile back before he’d catch himself every time.



He stared at the wide winter sky out of his bedroom window. It seemed to stretch forever, as endlessly as his thoughts of Itachi. He frowned contemptuously at the sky when he heard his familiar cell ring tone sound from his computer desk. He lay there a moment contemplating whether to waste effort in order to retrieve it and probably talk to someone he didn’t want to, or just lay there and let the caller catch voicemail.



On a whim, he decided to answer, slowly rising out of bed to stride over and palm the small vibrating contraption. Naruto, it read. Pushing the answer button a little harder than necessary, he brought the phone to his left ear.



“Hello?”



“Whoa! You just wake up? You sound like shit.” Ever the one of poignancy…



“No.”



“Oh. What’s wrong? Something happen?”



“You could say that.”



“So?”



Sasuke hesitated, no one knew about his secret desires, nor did he want anyone to learn of them. If he thought he was sick, what would someone else think? He decided to at least let his best friend in on a little bit of his life. Naruto practically told him everything…



“Remember Ino from middle school?”



“Hm…yeah. Flat as a board…kind of a bitch, though hot. Always chased after you? You know…I think she and Sakura are still friends. You having second thoughts about hooking up with her?”



Sasuke could hear the grin through the phone, but rolled his eyes and sat at the foot of his bed to rest his left elbow on his knee.



“No. Apparently she’s taken.” The flat tone wasn’t lost on deaf ears.



“Snort. With who?”



“Itachi.”



“Ouch. Couldn’t have you, so she went to all lengths to stay in the family… That’s a bit much. Does your brother know she used to hound you?”



Sasuke sighed, “It doesn’t matter. They’re visiting, and they’re all over each other. It’s fucking sick.”



His gut twisted even though he got off his chest what he’d been wanting to scream. Though that wasn’t the half of it.



“Damn. Wish I could be there…” Naruto sounded genuine, but his words caused Sasuke to make a face.



“So you could witness him humiliating me? He’s been acting like a dick.”



“I’d totally back you up! We’d double team his ass! Like we did when we were kids!”



Sasuke smirked at the sexual implications of that exclamation.



“You have better things to do. Like finger banging Sakura until she squeals.”



“Yeah. There is that.”



Sasuke could practically feel Naruto slipping into a dream-like state. He decided to change the subject.



“So, what did you need?”



“Huh?”



“What did you call for, dumb-ass?”



“Oh. Uh….Hmmmm. I forgot.”



Sasuke wasn’t surprised in the least, “Call me back later when you remember.” He didn’t wait for a dignified answer and just pressed the end call button.



He’d never admit it but he was a bit jealous of what Naruto had with Sakura. Not that he envied being either of them in the same situation, but rather that they could be free to express their feelings toward one another without being ridiculed or even hated for doing so. Sasuke never had the pleasure of doing that, and probably never would with the way things were going. He was all alone with his thoughts and fantasies. Though he could only imagine how people would react to his admittance of being gay. The idea of admitting incestuous love for his own brother wouldn’t be taken into consideration. That was beyond his comprehension. Anyone having a gay incestuous relationship could hardly flaunt said relationship without receiving monumental backlash from people of all walks of life. It was a deliciously hopeless situation.



He needed to let this go. He was resolved with this notion, but didn’t know if it was fleeting or concrete. How could he suddenly deny the feelings that he’d been having for years?



Reality was sinking in along with the depression. They were practically holding hands while skipping and singing a merry tune. Itachi was right in front of him, yet he couldn’t seem further away than he did at this particular moment.



Sasuke suddenly wanted to forget by any means necessary. He wanted to drink. He wanted to smoke. He wanted to do anything that would take his mind off of reality. Anything.



That tone sounded again. It was becoming annoying to him, but he crushed the on button and brought the device to his left ear. He didn’t dignify the caller with a greeting, he knew who it was without looking.



“Concert.”



If he had been standing in front of Sasuke, he would imagine that Naruto would be pointing at him when he said that.



“Concert?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow.



“Tonight at The Piranha.”



The Piranha was a bar that on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday invited local and touring bands to play a gig. It was the local hangout for teens and young adults that craved to see live music performances for cheap. Absolutely nothing was better on a Saturday night than to hang out with friends, listen to some badass music, and/or hook up with a certain someone you’ve had your eye on.



Sasuke went a few times with Naruto, but it wasn’t exactly his favorite thing to do. He had other interests. Naruto, on the other hand, thrived on going to The Piranha. Somehow, even though his hands were marked with thick black marker in crooked Xs denoting him a minor, he managed to acquire alcohol.



“The Piranha Christmas Bash. I’ve told you about this before.”



He had.



“Sakura’s gonna bail, but you’re still on, right?”



Sasuke turned the thought of going, over in his mind.



“Right?”



It would be a chance to lose himself.



“Sasuke?”



“What time?”



“I’ll pick you up at 8:30”



“Ok.”



Sasuke ended the call there and just stared ahead of him at the wall with his head slightly tilted. He wasn’t sure what to do anymore.



The muffled roar of an engine dying alerted Sasuke that he had to confront his fears and his problems at one time or another. He stood up and padded over to the window to watch Itachi duck out of his classic sports car gracefully. Ignoring the blonde entirely, his eyes traced Itachi’s figure until he stopped moving entirely once he reached the front of the car. He looked up to his brother’s face to see dark eyes looking back at him. For a brief moment they stared until Ino sidled up next to Itachi to hand him the fast food they had purchased. Sasuke turned before the woman could see him.



Looking around his room he suddenly remembered to dress. Yes, he had to dress and head downstairs to eat and make friends with someone he otherwise wouldn’t give the time of day. And of course be tormented by his own thoughts, as well as the object of his suppressed affection.



He managed to slip on a pair of boxers and shorts before a rapid knock sounded throughout his room.



“I’ll be down in a minute, Itachi.” Sasuke said gruffly.



“It’s Ino. Can I come in?”



Sasuke paused in pulling a t-shirt over his head to regard his door. His initial surprise melted into irritation.



“Why?” He asked while straightening his t-shirt.



“I’d rather speak face to face for what I have to say.”



Sasuke looked around his room wondering about what this woman, scratch that, girl had to say.



Unlocking his door and turning the handle, Sasuke opened the door a crack to see Ino wringing her hands with a blush cresting her cheeks. Though this situation was almost déjà vu like in intensity, her eyes didn’t convey undying lust.



“Hi…”



That shy word caused Sasuke extreme discomfort as the mood shifted between them, but he replied in return, “Hi.”



“I’d just like to apologize,” she spoke while gesturing, “for the past.” Sasuke inwardly groaned. “And I just wanted to leave the past behind us and start off new.”



“Ino?” Came a call from the downstairs dining area.



“I hope that we can be friends,” she said as she started to move toward the stair, and stepped down without looking back or waiting for an answer whether of acceptance or denial.



Though on the outside Ino seemed to have pure intentions, Sasuke knew better. She always had an angle back then, and despite the outward change of appearance, he doubted she changed so much on the inside.



Frowning, Sasuke stepped out of his room and closed the door. He strained to listen to the conversation downstairs as he padded to the stair. Hushed whispers could hardly be deciphered as Sasuke took each step down the stair with ease, careful of making noise.



“Do you think this is for the best?”



“Don’t worry,” he reassured her, “It may come as a shock at first but-” The sentence was abruptly cut off as Sasuke reached the bottom of the stair. The couple could not be seen as they were in the kitchen, but it was obvious that they knew he was close enough to cut short their conversation.



Sasuke’s frown deepened, they were talking about something that they didn’t want anyone to know about. At least not yet. His suspicions flourished and the first thing that came to mind was marriage. No. His stomach dropped at the thought causing him actual physical pain.



“Hey! That’s mine.”



“Wouldn’t you rather share?” Itachi’s smooth voice drawled.



There was a pause, then Ino giggled profusely, “Be still! You’ll bite my fingers!”



Without the memory of actually walking, Sasuke rounded the corner down the hall to stand at the entrance of the kitchen. Ino was feeding Itachi by hand several French fries. They didn’t look up at him. It was as if they were in their own little world, and the knot in Sasuke’s stomach wrenched.



That night almost four years ago resurfaced. Several relatives that had been at the party were from out of town, and the guest room along with Itachi’s was taken. After their lips had touched, Sasuke merely blushed and acted like nothing had happened. Hoisting Itachi back to a standing position took time, but even though he was unsteady, they managed to get him back up. Walking up the stairs was another feat that took several more minutes than it should have, but they made it.



Itachi was strangely silent, but Sasuke was still reeling from what had happened downstairs. He pointedly looked in the opposite direction of his elder brother as he guided him to his room. Once inside Sasuke’s bedroom the two brothers fell on the bed with nothing but moonlight to illuminate the room. Itachi was huffing slightly from exertion, but stared at Sasuke whose eyes shifted at first, but looked back into deep dark eyes with curiosity. His cheeks had been pink revealing his awkwardness, yet he was entranced.



Itachi’s hand moved to cup Sasuke’s cheek. His thumb stroked the color that blossomed on such fair skin, and though the alcohol could be smelt on his breath and the taste lingered on his lips, the moment was not ruined for Sasuke. He watched his brother as Itachi stroked his cheek and pet his hair lovingly until he fell asleep.



The details were fuzzy now, as if it were a dream. Maybe it was. Thought Sasuke as he stared at the couple occupying the small dinette in his parent’s kitchen. Laughing and eating as if all were right in the world in this one moment.



Then, Itachi tilted his head in the direction of the doorway, catching his younger brother staring. Itachi smiled softly at Sasuke’s blank stare, and turned back to Ino.



AN: The Piranha is an actual club/bar (though gay and the club/bar from the story is not based on the actual existing club/bar.) The Piranha calls Las Vegas, Nevada home should you ever want to visit. I claim no ownership and am not profiting from its name.