True Directions

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope you enjoy the drama~

Step Four- Family therapy.

Naruto opened his eyes to the sight of Sasuke sitting across from him, fully clothed, on the side of a made bed. He took a long drag from a half-smoked cigarette and uncrossed his legs, his dark eyes looking but not quite seeing as he stared right into Naruto’s face. He exhaled, looking up into a corner to blow the smoke away in a sigh.

Sasuke looked very dark, very composed in a pair of black slacks and a shirt that could be buttoned up, but was left undone, showing of the sloped shadow of a collarbone and the pale white line that ran up to his neck.

His hair was done up, spiked out in the back while his bangs swung down to frame his eyes.

Those eyes.

They focused finally but eye contact was a flutter before he was looking away again. Sasuke stood, picking up the jacket next to him; just as dark, just as composed when it settled over Sasuke’s shoulders. And when he walked away Naruto could see that the sleeves were too long, barely leaving enough of Sasuke’s fingers open to hold a cigarette.

Sasuke walked away, and he said, “Wake up, lazy, it’s half past noon.”

-

Naruto stepped outside, clothed in the outfit that had been folded next to the bed, and knew instantly that something was wrong. It was too bright, he decided, so he threw up a hand to shade his eyes as his father walked up the steps.

“Hi.” Minato said. His hands were in his pockets and his wife was in his car and Naruto looked at her and wondered if he wasn’t just walking right where he’d been led.

Naruto squinted and kept his hand in the air.


“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what.”

“Don’t be like that with me, Naruto.” He said, “I’m still your father.”

“Are you?” A bright spot caught Naruto’s eye, and he pointed, “Look, there’s Ino. She thinks I’m hilarious.”

“Naruto-”

Naruto looked back, right into Minato’s blue eyes.

“She’s in love with Hinata, I think.” Naruto put his hands in his own pockets, “I’m pretty sure I’ll never be in love.”

Then Minato took his hands out of his pockets, and he reached out, his expression breaking into pieces as he said, “Naruto.”

Walk away. Like a real man. His father who loved him, had always said that, so Naruto did.

“I’ll never have a family. I’ll never make a home. I’ll never wake up next to someone who only wants me, and I’ll never be able to give him everything.”

Naruto blinked and didn’t turn away.

“But I’ll find my true direction” Naruto finished, walking away by the length of fingertips. “And I’ll love you, and I’ll love mom, but you’ll never know for sure-”

Whether I love you because I love you, or because you’re the only thing I have left, Naruto thought. His fingers twitched and he wished he’d had a cigarette there to flick and move and draw away his father’s attention.

Naruto faltered a moment as Minato put his hands over his eyes, shoulders shaking silently, but he put himself back together again.

Almost.

“It’s only been four days,” Naruto had never heard his father’s voice break like that, but he’d never seen his father cry, either, so the shock was somewhat desultory. “How could this have happened in *four* days?! What the hell have they been doing to you -”

“It’s been four days,” This is where Naruto would exhale smoke, but he couldn’t, so he stared straight ahead, “But what I’ve learned here at True Directions is that it only takes a moment.”

Then he turned, hearing the car door slam as he walked down the stairs, and as he passed his mother’s open arms he murmured, “Sort of like dying.”

-

“…so, that’s my root.” Ino finished, turning to smile weakly at her parents. “That’s why I became a homosexual. It wasn’t anything you guys*did, I just picked it up from the environment around me.”

“Like the flu.” Sasuke added sotto voce, staring down at Kurenai’s pink stilettos firmly planted on the floor. The statement was lost mostly in the supportive applause at the end of Ino’s statement but the dark-haired man sitting next to him looked down, expressionless except apparently to Sasuke, who slouched a little deeper into his chair.

“Now Naruto,” Kurenai’s smile seemed a little real this time, “We know you’ve been having trouble finding your root…have recent events changed that?”

Naruto looked at her, bit his bottom lip and said, “No.”

“Well,” Kurenai sighed, “Perhaps your parents could help you with that?”

Naruto turned in his chair and tilted his head, “Mom? Dad? Do you know a reason why I’m gay?”

His mother smoothed back a lock of red hair over her shoulder and smiled beautifully.

“Well, honey, I suppose you could blame it on whichever boy you started fooling around with. I’m sure that without an outside influence this situation would never have occurred.”

“I never fooled around with any boys, mom.” Naruto actually felt a little pity as her eyes widened in surprise.

“Don’t lie.” She frowned and grabbed Minato’s hand, but he didn’t look up from his lap, “Sakura told us all about it, she was so upset. You hurt that poor little girl worse than you can ima –stop that laughing! You think our pain is funny, you little-”

“What.” Naruto stopped laughing, “Faggot? Just because I didn’t want to fuck Sakura’s ugly, gross, *stinky* vagina?”

Ino cleared her throat and pressed her lips together as his mother gasped. Naruto laughed again, the look of shock on Kushina’s face was too much.

“Before I came here I never even thought about boys as an option.” Naruto grinned, “You did all this to me because Sakura was mad that I didn’t put out … so she can tell all her friends she’s only the last virgin because her boyfriend was a *fag*.”

“Now, Naruto, let’s-”

“Naruto! Don’t you dare speak to me like that, I-”

“-calm down…”

Naruto leaned over and stared into her green eyes, looked at the soft lines around them, the heavy eyeliner, and said, “I’m only gay because you told me I was. You’re my fucking root.”

“Now, Naruto-” Kurenai’s voice was a little shaky, “You know that’s not how these things-”

The slap was not unexpected but it brought the casual murmur of a shifting group down to absolutely nothing; a silence that was clean and pure.

“You’re a liar,” Kushina insisted, her voice deeper and rough, “I see how all those city boys look at you. Even the boys here,” She glared at Sasuke and Gaara and Neji who simply stared back, “They wouldn’t want you like that unless you were encouraging them. You knew, you had to know, it was constant-”

“You’re making things up,” Naruto pointed a finger until his father gently pushed his hand down, his wide blue eyes peeking out of his blonde fringe, “I would have noticed-”

“You wouldn’t, actually.” Sasuke cut in and popped a new cigarette out of a battered container, “That’s half the appeal.”

Then he scowled down at his lighter, “And it’s really fucking frustrating.”

Kurenai leaned forward, frowning, “Sasuke-”

Sasuke lit his cigarette, took a drag, and the Zippo snapped shut.

“Even the dykes want to take him home and feed him cookies and do his dishes and all that shit.” And then, after an exhale. “You could put him on retainer; trot him out on simulation day and you might even convert a few of these sorry lesbos.”

For a moment Kurenai looked considering and Naruto looked at Sasuke, his heart jolting in time with an angry flick of ash.

“Naruto.” And somehow there was halo of light, a shining smile as his father said, “You’re still in there, aren’t you.”

The man next to Sasuke stood and smoothed down the front of his suit.

“I can see this isn’t going anywhere.” The young man was dark, like Sasuke, but somehow the pieces that put him together seemed more delicate in careful understatement. He looked down but Sasuke didn’t look up, just like he didn’t scream or yell, Sasuke did not look up with a careful, slow deliberateness.

There wasn’t disdain on the man’s face and no denial, there was nothing. They looked the same but they weren’t connected in any way an outsider could see.

The man said, “No college, no trust fund, no recognition.”

He walked out, his hand opening to reveal a cell phone that he put up to his ear, “Yes, Father, it’s done-”

The door slammed shut and Sasuke looked up and said, “No surprise.”

And then the light behind his eyes was gone.

-

The old red minivan left in a cloud of dust, and Naruto knew that inside with her window open his mother’s hair would be flying.

“That could have gone better.” Minato sighed, but that smile was still there, hidden in the corners of lips as he added, “I didn’t know, you know.”

“That makes two of us.” Naruto shoved his hands into the pockets of his khaki shorts and scowled at the raising plume in the distance. “This is starting to piss me off.”

“I’m picking up on that.” Minato said, “She means well. She loves you. You’re far too much alike.”

Then he tilted his head, “Why is that pink-haired girl pointing a steak knife at you?”

“Because she’s a foul-mouthed little-” Naruto snapped his mouth shut at a sharp look, but he still let a finger do his talking and Tayuya yelled back something that made Minato’s chivalry take a tumble.

“Um.” He pulled his collar and cleared his throat, “Uh.”

“There’s video cameras in the bedrooms, Dad,” Naruto sighed, “And that’s not physically possible.”

“Oh.” Minato laughed nervously, “In the bedrooms?”

“And the showers.”

“Oh. Wow. That’s-”

“Probably the only thing keeping mister sunshine from getting molested in his sleep.” A warm arm was slung over Naruto’s shoulder and the soft skin smelled like brown sugar. Naruto blushed and got his cheek pinched, “He’s such a little cutie.”

Ino was smiling, and laughing, and not looking at her parents who were slowly walking away.

“Miss…Ino?” Minato smiled again and it was real and happy, “I’m glad you think so,” then he blushed, but the smile stayed the same, “I mean the cute part, of course.”

“Of course.” Ino winked, “But I have to borrow your son for a sec, Mr. Namikaze. Someone needs to get the coals started and us girls aren’t allowed to touch the barbeque.”

“What about Sasuke?” Naruto searched the picnic area and found him, sitting on a table in the process of chain-smoking. He threw a glowing butt and it fell to the ground, narrowly missing Neji’s arm. The rest of the boys were standing around a hibachi in various states of frustration, lighting matches and blowing on the coals with no success.

“Gaara and Sasuke got the bright idea of turning the lighter fluid into a flame thrower this morning.” She laughed, “There’s a reason for Sasuke’s new hairdo.”

Naruto grinned. It figured that the only thing the two would willingly collaborate in would result in a makeshift flamethrower.

“Why can’t the girls light the barbeque?” Minato stepped forward, peering at the group of girls milling around with platters of uncooked steaks.

Ino laughed again but it was hollow, echoing sound that made Minato raise his eyebrows.

“Silly,” Ino’s voice was flat as she stared into his eyes, “Real women don’t do that sort of thing,” She rubbed Naruto’s hair into a mess, “We let the men do that.”

“Well, that leaves me out,” Naruto grabbed her waist and she squealed before yanking him down by the ear and smacking him in the head. “Owie, tough crowd.”

“Oh, please, I heard Gai tell Kurenai that you could *teach* his class.” She smirked, her eyes flicking up to Minato who looked fiercely interested, “That didn’t make her too happy.”

“I’m sorry, what is this, exactly?”

“Oh you know,” Ino sounded airy and unconcerned but he could feel that her body was tense, “Reclaiming manhood lessons and all that, but Naruto already knows how to fix trucks and play sports and open jars and get in fights and start fires and spit and listen to country music.” Ino sent him a sly glance, “Though he does insist on making his bed, the rebel.”

Naruto looked up to see his father staring down, wide eyed and incredulous as he asked, “Reclaiming manhood!?”

“Except,” Ino couldn’t seem to help herself, “The thing with the boobs.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and shrugged her off, a light blush warming his cheeks.

“I’m going to go start the barbeque.” He called, but looking back he saw that Minato only had eyes for Ino. His eyebrows raising and lowering and raising again as he barked out a laugh that he covered guiltily with his hand. Naruto kept his eyes on them until he got close enough to the smell of burning hair that he had to turn around.

Neji looked absolutely furious, his fingers coal black for the second time in a week as he tried to steal the can of lighter fluid from Lee.

“I’m sorry, my fervent dorm-mate, but Mr. Gai has expressly forbidden the use of accelerants in this venture!” Neji was quick but Lee was like a silverfish, slipping out of his grasp time and time again. “I trust you to listen to-ack!”

Lee came to a stop when Naruto snagged him by the shirt and pulled him back, taking the can out of his hands. For a moment he was worried that Lee would cower, but the boy grinned brightly and enveloped him in a tight embrace that lasted until Kurenai shouted out a warning about close contact.

“OUR SAVIOR HAS ARRIVED!” Lee announced in retaliation. “I HOLD HIM TO MY BOSOM IN A SHOW OF MANLY RESPECT.”

There was a long silence until Kurenai, red in the face, screamed back, “MEN DON’T HAVE *BOSOMS*. MEN HAVE *CHESTS*!

“BUT WHERE WILL I STOKE THE FIRES OF MY PASSIONATE YOUTH?!” Lee jumped up and down on the balls of his feet, jiggling nervously and looking like he had to take a piss, “YOUTHFUL FIRE CAN ONLY BURN IN BOSOMS! WHEN I HAVE A FIRE IN MY *CHEST* I GO TO THE DRUG STORE AND-ACK!”

Lee’s painful explanation was ended by the glowing end of a cigarette butt flying into his face. Naruto turned just in time to see its owner sucking down on a new cancer stick.

“His smoking habits are starting to border on suicidal.” Neji murmured, narrowing his eyes. Naruto dashed just out of his range, the lighter fluid clutched safely to his chest.

“You think Sasuke’s trying to get cancer?”

“No,” Neji snatched Naruto’s shirt, “I think if he keeps on doing that I’m going to kill him.”

“Amen.” Gaara murmured, narrowing his eyes in Sasuke’s direction. His fingers twitched at the right sleeve of his coat and Sasuke scowled, casually resting his hand on a convenient steak knife.

“*ANY*who.” Naruto tossed the can over Neji’s shoulder where Lee was patiently waiting; jumping up and down, waving his arms around, while hissing “PASS IT TO MEEEEE!”

The two took off and Naruto briefly wondered if Neji was just looking for an excuse to chase Lee around…or maybe Lee…nah. Naruto turned to Gaara and held out a hand.
“Matches.”

Gaara stared at him for a long moment, stock still with posture that would put a ruler to shame. When he did finally blink it was a slow fall and rise of dark-lashed eyes, as if he had timed the moment exactly for the best effect. They didn’t go up all the way, giving Gaara a heavy-lidded look of intent that Naruto didn’t quite like.

“I’m getting really fed up with this silent intimidation thing,” Naruto took his turn to scowl, snapping his fingers, “C’mon Gaara, just give it-”

With a slow, sedated gesture Gaara raised his closed fist and then opened it, letting a colorful box land in Naruto’s outstretched hand.

“Thank you,” Naruto sighed, “Now we can get on with lighting this,” He looked down, “…damn…uh.”

“Um.” Naruto was just inured enough not to throw a fit but he did blush a little, high on the cheeks where he could blame it on the sun. The box, upon closer inspection, was not just bright but multicolored in a psychedelic rainbow that served as a backdrop for the proud rendition of a rooster, under which was emblazoned, ‘COCKSUCKER’.

“It’s a club.” Gaara didn’t bother murmuring. “We’re going tonight.”

“We’re?”

“Me, Lee, Sasuke, Neji.” Gaara’s eyes flicked up wards, “Ino, Ten Ten.”

“Not Tayuya?” Naruto glanced over at the girl. She was busy with her parents, her arms crossed as they hovered over her and ranted. The woman didn’t seem to be any worse than Naruto’s own mother so he passed her by, but the father…Naruto frowned. Apparently Tayuya had inherited her septic mode of communication, and if the father’s swinging arms were any indication, there was a reason why she had looked up at Naruto and been taken aback, a little afraid even, if he searched his memory.

“Only if you decline.”

Because obviously the two of them would never get along unless something drastic changed.

Naruto made a stupid decision and started walking over to the picnic table area, his hands deep in his pockets so that he could hide the matchbox. Closer and closer he could here her Tayuya’s father’s words,”…if you weren’t such a useless, ugly piece of shit, you might attract someone besides some hairy damn dyke-”

Naruto walked up, ignoring the man’s noises of angry surprise, and bent over, whispering, “Want to get that worthless piece of shit off your back?” He touched her shoulder, tilted his head until they couldn’t see his eyes and winked, moving close. For the first time when Tayuya smiled (a lopsided, sharp little thing) Naruto believed it. She winked back and Naruto took his cue.

“I’m sorry Tayuya, but I can’t pretend any longer!” And he kissed her, pressing his lips gently enough that it was barely a touch. Tayuya froze and for a moment Naruto envisioned a world without his genitalia as Tayuya would surely get a handful and rip it right-

Naruto was slammed down and the whole table rattled, plastic cups spilling fruit punch and ice cubes all over the tablecloth as Tayuya straddled him and grinned.

“You sorry little poof, is that how you kiss your girlfriend?” Tayuya snickered, “I guess you need a *real* wo-”

Naruto had to kiss her again, it was either that or burst out laughing, and Tayuya’s hands gripped his hair and *yanked* as she shoved her tongue into Naruto’s mouth, making pleased noises when he bit her lip and returned the favor. Naruto held on to her forearms but she just yanked harder until Naruto made a noise that could, if heard in a certain light sound like pleasure instead of the yelp of a person losing handfuls of his hair.

After a few moments of going at it Naruto felt his cheeks start to flush and his blood stir a little because damn, if he closed his eyes and thought of…well, Tayuya didn’t kiss like any *girl* he knew.

Naruto made a noise that wasn’t feigned and Tayuya pulled back, flushed as she whispered, “I knew you were a bottom, you sweet little fag.”

Naruto laughed a little, a giggle really, “Kiss me again, butch.”

Tayuya did, but not before giving him a little smack first, laughing outright before shoving her tongue back in.

All at once there was noise in the stunned silence, Kurenai making high-pitched pleased noises, and the parent’s amazed cursing, along with a few, “What the fuck?!”s from the pink and blue sections. A few minutes after that Tayuya was finally pulled off, leaving Naruto on the table, dazed and panting. He wiped the back of his mouth as his father’s stunned expression blocked out the afternoon sun.

“Considering before…with the um…suggestions and expletives?” Minato scratched the back of his head and grinned, “I’m not entirely sure I approve.”

“What?!” Naruto was trying so, so hard not to laugh and his father knew it, too, “Will you deny my passionate…uh, passion? For the lovely, delicate, beautiful, stunning Tayuya? Her hair gleams! Her dark eyes pierce into my very soul. I live for…” Naruto ran out of dialogue with a wince and Minato added a helpful, “Her parents are gone.”

“Thank god.” He went slack and let his head fall to the side, watching with great interest as Tayuya was embraced by her smiling, asshole father and True Directions was praised until Kurenai looked like she was about to shoot golden eggs right out of her ass. When the group wasn’t looking Tayuya turned their way, and pointing to herself made a V over her lips and made little licking motions with her tongue. She stopped that right around the time Naruto made his helpless *eewww* face and then pointed toward him. She stuck a lip in her cheek to make it pop out and did a hand motion that was at first confusing, and then so insanely embarrassing that Naruto closed his eyes, giving a thumbs up that he totally agreed, sort of, and that she would absolutely not be in danger of Naruto sneaking into her room in the night. Ever.

Tayuya nodded sharply and went back to giving smiling lip service while every few minutes looking at Naruto with creepy fondness, blowing him kisses with a hand over her heart.

“Yeah, okay.” Minato cleared his throat. “We’re leaving now and I’m taking you with me.”

Naruto sat up and smiled a little, feeling wistful at his father’s nervous grin. He wanted to go home, he really did, but Naruto could see a plume of dust rising and a familiar red minivan pull into the parking lot. The sharp exclamation of a horn brought Minato out of his helpless fantasy and he slumped, sighing heavily as he put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder.

“She’s threatening to separate if you don’t-” Minato’s eyes went glassy, and he clenched his jaw, “-Naruto…I don’t know what to do. Obviously this place isn’t-”

“It’s alright.” Naruto slipped to the grass and wiped some cake off of his shorts. The minivan honked again and Minato turned his head helplessly, but his body, his attention stayed with Naruto and he turned back easily.

Naruto felt pity for his father in that moment and it ached in a way. His father had always been so strong-

“I’m going to finish the program.” Naruto looked down to the boys and girls who were still staring, eyes wide, and smiled.

 “If what Ino said is true,” Minato sighed again as the car horn turned into a continuous howl, “-we’ll figure something out, if it comes to that.”

Then Naruto was pulled close, enveloped in the smell of grass and his father’s warmth.

“No matter what, I’ll always love you, Naruto.” And there were tears falling on his neck, but Naruto pretended not to notice.

And still the car horn sounded.

When Minato finally walked away, slowly with his shoulders bowing, he was still half-turned and watching Naruto all the way. When they were finally gone, driving at a much slower pace, Naruto made his way back down to the barbeque which was burning merrily, the lighter fluid lying dripping on the ground. The cap on the can was off, the coals in the bag were nearly gone, and the fire was about three feet high stemming from a mountain of briquettes.

Naruto raised his eyes, ignoring the round of stares bordering between homicidal and hysterics.

“Who finally got it going?”

Suddenly they all found their shoes fascinating except for Gaara who said, “Sasuke”, which sounded as if it should be followed by ‘who else?’. Naruto looked around but the only sign of Sasuke was a pack of cigarettes, mostly empty and nearly crushed where he was sitting on the table. Naruto sighed and picked up the pack, pulling it apart to find a few salvageable cigarettes left. He pocketed those and tossed the matchbook back to Gaara who caught it neatly.

“I’m in for tonight,” Neji and Lee’s heads shot up, “So is Tayuya.”

Gaara smirked, “Naturally.”

Naruto winked.

***

They waited for about fifteen minutes, crouched down in the brush, before an old van tumbled down the road, its lights off. It was a grey minivan and when the side door opened Naruto had to wince at the screech. A man’s face poked out, smiling as he said, “C’mon kids!”

So they did; boys and girls all piled in, gladly locking the door behind them as they all looked at each other and sighed. Naruto felt all of the True Directions stress just slide off and was riding a sweet buzz as he grinned stupidly at the kind man in the passenger’s seat.

“You’re new.” He held out a hand, “What’s your name?”

“Naruto.” The grip was firm but companionable, “Naruto Namikaze.”

“I’m Iruka.” Iruka pointed a thumb at the driver. “This is Kakashi. He’s a complete pervert, but he’s harmless.”

Kakashi turned to his companion, sticking his lips out in a pout, “Harmless, Iruka? You wound me.”

The driver’s white hair shone in the moonlight and against his pale skin, but the recesses of one eye was an endless black. An eye patch. Naruto bet there was a story behind that, and probably not a very good one.

“You bet I will!” Iruka waved a fist with a smile, “You step out of line and I’ll-”

“Hug and kiss me all over?”

“Bah, anyways.” Iruka turned his attention back to the van and smiled, “Welcome, Naruto.”

“Thanks,” Naruto shifted a little, being squeezed between Gaara and Sasuke was starting to be a little too close quarters. “So…what is this?”

“A little fieldtrip,” Iruka’s smile dimmed, “We understand the pressure you’re under at True Directions and we try to show you kids the other side of the argument, so to speak.”

“It’s like the Homo underground,” Ino elbowed Ten Ten in the side, “Ready for some dancin’ darling?”

“Of course.”

The girls both looked entirely transformed. Ten Ten’s hair was confined by two tight buns, she wore a little midriff that showed off impressive abs, a pair of green carpenter pants and a pair of truly dangerous looking boots. The pink nail polish had been completely chipped off, leaving her arms and hands unadorned. Ino was in a tight black dress with a pair of black strappy heels, bangles of silver and gold around her wrists, chunky rings on her fingers, and her long hair had thick, purple stripes.
Tayuya had gone almost completely camo, except for the barest peek of a red, lacy bra from her unbuttoned shirt. Her hair was down and wild sticking every which way by the application of bobby pins.

All three of them seemed eager, and strained to look out the window as the shine of lights came into the horizon.

Not surprisingly the boys looked mostly as they did any other day, except for a certain gleam. For one night they didn’t have to care how real men were supposed to groom themselves and had gone all out. Hairdos were gelled, sprayed, glossy, and Naruto had never laughed so hard in his life than he did helping hold Lee down as Neji loomed over with a pair of tweezers. Everyone looked their best and happy to utilize that little measure of pride that came from knowing you looked nice.

The van pulled up to a building that seemed to come out of nowhere. Naruto saw the light of the enormous rainbow-colored rooster for miles, but was silenced in its full, magnificent presence. The dissonance between the beacon of the pristine sign and the dilapidated building was significant enough that Naruto felt a little dazed as he followed the group into the bar.

Inside the first impression was of loud music and thick cigarette smoke, but once Naruto struggled through that there were lights, a bar, and so many people. So many people dancing together to the strains of a sweet slow song. Naruto looked to the right to see two blondes swaying with each other, girls, and two brunettes kissing, boys who didn’t seem to give a damn who saw them or what they were doing.

“You’re gawking.” Ino bumped against him with a smile as Naruto tried to hide a blush, tilting his head down. Ino’s fingers touched his chin, gently demanding attention as she said, “So?”

“I’ve never seen two guys make out.” Naruto whispered, taking another glance even though it stoked the heat of his embarrassment he was…drawn to the sight in ways that left him feel an energy that twisted him strangely and made every stretch of skin tingle.

“It’s okay, you know.” Ino’s smile was soft curves and her voice was nearly drowned by the music. “It’s okay to want that.”

Want. Naruto wanted to cross his arms, turn around and just…walk away, but at the same time he didn’t fight Ino as she dragged him over to an empty bar stool.

An empty barstool where Sasuke was lounging, watching the dancers with heavy-lidded eyes as he brought a bottle up to his mouth. Naruto bit his lip as he looked at Sasuke in this new environment. That old sharpness, the tense stretch of skin and straightforward meanness seemed to have just vanished. Left behind was a person showing off his long legs, slouching back on his elbows to present his chest exposed by a few undone buttons, and the long pale line of his neck illuminated starkly under the lights.

Naruto’s hands were trembling so badly he almost didn’t make it onto the bar stool. He turned around just in time to see Ino wave goodbye as she slinked onto the dance floor.

Sitting so close to Sasuke the weight of stares was almost instant. Everyone seemed to be looking at Sasuke, at the way he sipped at his beer and barely breathed, his lips shining from the damp and his eyes impossibly dark even against the shadows of his cheekbones. Naruto bit his bottom lip and murmured, “Sasuke.”

Sasuke didn’t turn.

“Sasuke!” Naruto flushed as the staring seemed to intensify.

“What!?” Sasuke flashed an angry face, devoid of that soft reverie. “What the hell do you want?”

“I want…” Naruto wanted to cringe under that glare, “I don’t know. Nothing. I don’t want anything.”

Naruto turned to the bar proper and dug out some dollar bills, thankfully going uncarded as he received his cool beer. It wasn’t the worst he’d ever tasted but it certainly wasn’t the best. What the beer was, essentially, was a distraction that just happened to contain alcohol, thank god. He got through about half the bottle, fighting the shake of his hand, the fear, before Sasuke reached out and touched his wrist gently, and then pointed towards the dance floor.

There was a man staring their way, a heavy-lidded heat bare on his face. His thumbs were hooked into his belt loops, showing off muscled arms and a chest that was very carefully sculpted with a smile that made him seem very handsome, odd shaggy black hair and all. He nudged a pony-tailed boy and they both looked over, staring.

“Yes, I know, Sasuke.” Naruto turned back to his beer, “You’re fabulous and everyone wants you.”

Sasuke grabbed his shoulder and turned him around on the stool, staring with parted lips that seemed to be curving into a grimace.

“They’re looking at you, idiot.” Sasuke looked over to the dance floor and laughed dryly, “The second you walked in here,” Sasuke closed his eyes and exhaled before looking back up under a fringe of dark eyelashes, “-but you really don’t get it, do you?”

“I’m not,” Naruto looked over at the floor, looked back and grimaced, “I’m not that special, Sasuke. Really, I’m just me and that’s not...You should dance with one of them before they mob you.”

“You’re not special.” Sasuke’s voice dipped to a whisper and his shoulders slumped. His eyes dropped to the ground, and Naruto was…happy? Relieved. Because Sasuke finally got it, finally understood-

Sasuke’s head jerked up and he whispered, “Who made you believe that lie?”

The words were like a slap to the face. One minute Naruto was fine, a little shaky but fine, and the next Sasuke was sharp, furious, and Naruto was very nearly terrified. It was real anger this time, just like that night on the porch, instead of cool the usual indifference and a casual scowl. Under that anger the little bit of ease that Naruto was starting to treasure shattered, and the past, the despair, the anger, the self-disgust, the useless pitiful what-ifs  came back with a vengeance in Sasuke’s growl.

Naruto wanted to hit something as tears welled in his eyes. “Don’t say things like that, asshole. Why would you say that to me?”

Why give him such pain, why mock him when he was vulnerable, afraid and wanting for maybe the first time…maybe... Sasuke raised a hand and Naruto shrugged it off, grabbing a box from the counter and heading for the nearest exit. He pushed through the rusted, flaking double doors and kept walking until the thumping bass and the light faded into shadows. Naruto crushed through the dry grass, wiping at his face furiously until he tripped over a stump.

He looked at it, picked himself off the ground and laughed a little before sitting and wiping his hands clean on his thighs.

Naruto reached into his back pocket and pulled out a sad looking cigarette. It was crumpled and a little lopsided, but still whole. It only smelled like tobacco, earthy, smoky, and sharp, but the smell made Naruto frown. Still, it seemed to help…that person, so Naruto stuck the filter end in his mouth and pulled out the palmed matchbook. The first flame died, and the second, but the third stayed alight once Naruto got the bright idea of cupping the flame. All there was left was to inhale.

The cigarette was plucked out of his hand and crushed into the ground.

Sasuke was barely visible in the darkness, and without the moonlight to highlight his pale skin Naruto might have missed him entirely. He walked as quietly as a cat.

Sasuke knocked the matchbook out of Naruto’s hand with a backward slap, and said, “Stand up.”

So, it was going to be a fight. Naruto stood quickly, balled his hand into a fist and-

Sasuke’s lips met his own, one hand resting against the curve of Naruto’s waist, and the other slowly sliding over Naruto’s neck as Sasuke tilted his head and carefully, quietly, licked Naruto’s upper lip. Once, twice, pressed close together and Naruto grabbed two handfuls of Sasuke’s shirt.

“I-,” Sasuke whispered hoarsely, “You don’t even know-”

Naruto made a closed, desperate sound and Sasuke exhaled sharply, slipping his hand from Naruto’s waist to his hip, slipping his fingers up underneath Naruto’s shirt. Naruto felt them, warm in the cool night and something…something inside him broke. Sasuke tilted his head and Naruto opened to him, his body running on adrenalin and desire as Sasuke clutched at him with strong, elegant hands.

“I can take it,” Sasuke whispered, sucking in Naruto’s bottom lip before whispering, “C’mon, idiot, don’t hold back. I can-”

Don’t hold back. Naruto cupped his jaw, threaded his fingers into soft black hair and heard the memory of Sasuke murmuring ‘the last thing any of us needs is more passion’ while Naruto tugged him close and kissed him for real. There was no need to be gentle, to be careful, because Sasuke wasn’t going to break under the weight of Naruto’s apprehension, his desperate need. No, Sasuke was going to meet it and up the ante by kneading bare flesh together, by moaning and clutching with a perfect twist of viciousness, until they settled into deep, writhing kisses.

There was a tug on Naruto’s fly as Sasuke’s fingers slipped between flesh and fabric again, running his thumbs into the hollow of Naruto’s hips.

“I-” Naruto shuddered and swayed, clutching at Sasuke’s shoulders as he tried to keep his balance against the force of just *feeling*, of what it meant to love the pain of Sasuke’s fingers digging into the flesh of his hips. “Oh-” Sasuke mouthed the side of his jaw, breathing hard into Naruto’s ear. He laughed, a quiet breathless hush and Naruto shivered, nearly losing himself in a full body shudder when Sasuke bit down on his neck and sucked.

“Ah, wait, I-” The sensation was nearly too much, but when Naruto tried to reign in coherence by pulling away Sasuke laughed again and whispered, “That won’t work this time,” slid one hand up Naruto’s shirt and rubbed his thumb against Naruto’s nipple.

“Oh, god.” Naruto couldn’t recognize his own voice, but he didn’t care. Nothing else in the world mattered except, “Please, *please*”, and his body didn’t know whether to clutch Sasuke harder or pull away because it was too much, sensory overload, and if he didn’t-

Sasuke whispered, “I can’t stop wanting this. I’ve tried,” he exhaled sharply, “…I think I could love you.”

And he sounded so lost, so grief-stricken that Naruto could do nothing but kiss that voice out of his mouth, to urge him back into passion until Sasuke left behind that horrible trepidation, that sad, hoarse voice, and let Naruto press inexpert kisses into his jaw, let him paw and fondle while he expressed stuttering sympathies.

Naruto whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Then Sasuke looked down at him, the moonlight tracing light lines down his cheeks, and Naruto said, “I…I…”

“Sasuke! Naruto!”

“…wha-” The only reason Naruto didn’t turn around was Sasuke’s grip on his shoulders. Naruto turned his face away as Sasuke dragged the cuff of his shirt over his cheeks and called out, “What is it, Ino?”

“It’s time to go!” Ino laughed, joining a chorus of voices, “C’mon kids, back to time out!”

“Alright!” Naruto looked up to see Sasuke stoic and dry-faced once more, “Just a sec!”

“Hurry it up!”

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, “Sasuke, I-”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Sasuke’s voice was a shaky sigh, and a pair of slumped shoulders accompanied his downcast eyes, “Just shut up.”

Then he walked away.

Naruto followed, only because he had to, because Ino was waving her arms and the old gray van was starting up a few jolting backfires.

“Were you two fighting again?” Ino wagged a finger, “Naughty, naughty, naugh-”

Ten Ten grabbed Ino by the shoulder with a small smile and started pushing her towards the van.

“Someone’s had too much to drink,” She patted Ino on the head, “Right, darling?”

Ino blew a great big raspberry, tottered towards the van on her high heels and tripped up right into Tayuya’s lap. The girl stared, surprised at the sudden windfall. Ino managed to sprawl over her and Gaara, giggling and affectionate with wet, smacking kisses and swaying hugs.

Neither of them seemed to mind.

“So, were you guys fighting?” Ten Ten brought Naruto back to the real world, drawing his attention away from Sasuke as the boy melded into the dark shadow of the open van. The light turned on and Kakashi honked the horn in a happy sounding staccato.

“Kind of.” Naruto sighed and looked down at his feet, “Not really. Sasuke’s just being a jerk.”

“You’ve got it bad.” Ten Ten sighed, draping her arm over Naruto’s shoulder. She was warm and the gesture was comforting even though it paled against Sasuke’s embrace. Naruto just shrugged.

“Well,” Ten Ten pulled her arm away but her smile was just as warm. “I suppose it’s time to go anyways. Just be careful, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Naruto smiled back, but it wasn’t an easy stretch. Back in the van a flame flickered briefly, illuminating cupped hands, and for a flash there were two eyes watching from the shadows, but then only an ember. Naruto followed that light into the van, pulling himself into the dark with Ten Ten behind. Ino was already passed out, snug between Tayuya and Gaara who were having a low conversation. Lee was babbling excitedly at Neji. Neji didn’t seem to be listening, his head back on the bench, his eyes slipping half mast in the dim light, but he grunted when Lee made one sweeping observation and murmured something in return.

Lee smiled.

Sasuke was on the back bench, looking out the window as he took a long drag. He moved his hand from the middle seat and Naruto sat, Ten Ten settling beside him. The van door slammed closed and Kakashi laughed, leaning over to share a kiss with Iruka, light and familiar, just like Naruto’s father gave his mother before work. Kakashi caressed Iruka’s face once and then leaned back to the driver’s seat.

The fabric of Sasuke’s shirt was just as soft as it looked up against Naruto’s cheeks, and Sasuke’s shoulder relaxed when Naruto put a hand on his leg.

Naruto fell asleep on the drive back, his nose buried in Sasuke’s shoulder as the battered van took them back to the pink and blue house.

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Next up: Step Five, Reclaiming Masculinity