My Own Worst Enemy

Chapter 3: Truth and Treatment

Sasuke was sitting in the hall outside Sakura’s door, as he had been for the last three days, leaving only when the hospital staff chased him back to his own room for the night. Several other people had gone in to visit her, some of them everyday since her arrival, but none of them stayed for very long. Ino was in there now, and had broken the record by lasting more than five minutes.

He flashed a look a Shikamaru, who sat of the floor on the opposite side of the hall, then looked meaningfully at the shut and bolted door.

The youngest chuunin shrugged. “Don’t ask me. All she said was that she was sick and tired of Sakura’s attitude, and was going to find out what was wrong if it killed her.”

Sasuke paled and looked grim. “It might”

Shikamaru started at that, then shrugged again. “How troublesome.”

~~~~*~~~~

Over an hour later, Ino finally knew why her friend looked like death-warmed-over, although the all-black attire she insisted on didn’t help any. Sakura’s eyes were swollen and red from crying, and she lay back against her pillows limply, looking like an oversized porcelain doll… one that hadn’t had flesh tones painted on it yet.

The white-blonde teen pulled a small bottle out of her pouch and handed it to the weeping girl in front of her. “Here. It’s from Tsunade-sama. She said it would help you sleep.”

The panicked look on the pink-haired ninja’s face reminded Ino what she had just been told about her friend’s nightmares, and she hastened to reassure her. “No dreams. She promised. This will keep them away.”

Sakura started crying more heavily, but this time it was with relief as she took the tiny vial, opened it, and down its contents in one swallow. Ino held her hand until she finally relaxed in slumber, and then slipped away, feeling an urgent need to bathe.

The door finally opened and the boys stood, having been joined by Naruto and Lee, as Ino emerged, her face tear-streaked and pale, her shoulder soaked with Sakura’s tears, and her legs shaky. Shutting the door behind her, she suddenly turned green and bolted for the ladies room at the end of the hall.

Shikamaru stalked after her, waiting just outside, leaving the other three to follow, which they did. They could hear the sounds of her retching and winced.

“It can’t be that bad,” Naruto broke their silence as they heard the toilet flush and the sink start running. “Can it?”

No one could answer him as they waited for Ino to come out, which she did shortly, having washed her face – scouring it almost bloody – and only partially dried it. She flung herself at the person nearest, which happened to be Shikamaru, latched on, buried her face in his chest, and broke down into tears.

Shikamaru gave up trying to quiet her very quickly. “How troublesome,” he muttered, then turned to the other boys. “Is there some place nearby where we can talk without interruption?”

Sasuke nodded. “My room.”

Shikamaru tried to get Ino to follow, but she was shaking so badly that her knees buckled, and he finally wound up carrying her. Fortunately, it was not far – it was right across the hall from Sakura’s – and they didn’t run into anybody else on the way.

When they arrived, Shikamaru set Ino on the foot of Sasuke’s bed, standing beside her and patting her back encouragingly as her cries diminished. He nodded the other three in, and they waited for Ino to gain control of herself before anyone questioned her.

It was, once again, Naruto who spoke first. “Ino-chan, they didn’t violate Sakura-chan… did they?” his voice begged her to say no, and when she shook her head, he started to look relieved. Until she answered verbally.

“Rape was the nicest thing they did to her,” she said in a hollow voice. They all stopped, waiting in horrified fascination for her to continue.

“They beat her. They sliced her with kunai. They used her for shuriken practice. And even that wasn’t the worst of it. They got into her head… messed it up, big time. She doesn’t even know who she is half the time, just refers to herself as ‘this slave,’ or in the third person. Some guy named Itachi really played a number on her.”

Shikamaru didn’t miss the look Naruto and Sasuke exchanged upon hearing the name of Sakura’s rapist, and made a note to ask them later, if he didn’t find out soon.

“This Itachi,” Sasuke asked, “What did he do?”

“He was one of the guys who captured her. She said he used Sharingan to torture her for days… said he raped her and sliced her with kunai until she willed herself to die, only to snap back and see her dead body in front of her, and have it happen all over again, hundreds of times… but different with each one. She never died the same way twice, and he never cut her in the same places. Or…” she gulped “used her in the same way.”

Lee and Naruto were openly horrified. Sasuke showed no reaction past clenching and unclenching his fists over and over again. Shikamaru was simply concentrating on trying to be a pillar of strength for Ino to lean on, which she was.

“And each time,” she continued in a dead, nearly monotonous voice, “she could see all of the corpses from the previous deaths. And it was all in her head. None of it really happened. That was all before he ever actually touched her.”

None of the boys could imagine exactly what Sakura had been through physically, but Sasuke came close to understanding her mental state, having also suffered from the Tsukuyomi, and he knew the mental barriers she must have built, and how hard it would be to get past them. He suddenly had a newfound respect for Ino.

The female ninja went on, further describing the horrors her friend had lived through, though she completely ignored the actual sexual acts, despite knowing in exact detail what had actually happened. They didn’t need to know that, and it would serve no purpose to tell them, beyond scaring them witless and embarrassing Sakura further. So she told them about the beatings, about Itachi making her his personal slave, and about her being…

“Branded,” Ino spoke the word with venom.

“Branded?” Naruto inquired. “Do I want to know…?”

“He used his chakra to burn a mark into the skin and flesh across her back.”

Lee and Naruto looked sick, and Sasuke murderous. “What mark?” the boy demanded, his dark hair shadowing a face from which his normally dark eyes glowed like coals.

“It looks like a paddle, with a curved line through it. She showed me the same mark on her gi, painted in white and covered with her blood.” She looked up at Sasuke, eyes like ice. “She said he used Sharingan, and then he marked her with a read and white paddle, like an uchiwa” she repeated, but this time, it was an accusation.

“Itachi…” Sasuke began, and then choked on the word. Taking a few breaths, he calmed himself, and stated evenly. “Uchiha Itachi is my brother.”

Naruto slumped with resignation. Lee rocked back in shock. And Ino…

Shikamaru gripped each of her arms just above the elbow, holding her back as she tried to lunge for Sasuke, her hands outstretched like claws. “Ino! Calm down!”

“His fucking brother just fucked his fucking brains out on Sakura, and he’s just fucking standing there, and you want me to calm down?!”

He had never heard her swear that much before, not even on the most dangerous of missions, and it suddenly made him realize how close she and Sakura truly were… and how big the trouble was that Sasuke would be in if he didn’t do something now.

He released one of her arms and pulled her around to confront him, giving her a full-strength, openhanded slap to her face.

The noise silenced all others in the room as everyone, even Ino, stared at him in shock. He’d never raised a hand against her before, and only struck a woman when it was necessary in the course of his duties as a ninja. “That was for your language,” he admonished, his finger a warning in her face, his whole body trembling slightly with his suppressed anger. “Now, we are all upset by what happened to Sakura, but infighting won’t fix it.”

“But it was his brother…” Ino tried to protest before he clamped his hand over her mouth and tightened his grip on her arm, knowing that she’d have bruises to show for it, and knowing that the pain was giving her a focus beyond her anger.

“Now, you will promise me that you won’t go trying to attack anyone else over this, or I will truss you up, take you home, and tell your father you tried to seduce me, and your mother that you used foul language. Am I making myself perfectly clear?”

His voice had trailed off into a whisper very quickly during his tirade, and only she heard his threat, but it was a good one. Her father hated even the thought of her someday having a boyfriend, let alone of her doing anything physical with said boy. If Shikamaru actually did tell her father that, she wouldn’t see the light of day from any vantage but her then-barred windows until her twenty-first birthday. And if her mother had heard what she just said… one bar of laundry soap wouldn’t even begin to cover it. But both threats were a long-standing joke between the two of them, though this was the first time she’d ever actually earned one of them, and she saw the worried smile in his eyes and relaxed.

Ino swallowed down her rage and nodded. “Hai, Shika-kun.”

“Good.” He finally allowed some of the tension to drain out of him as he released her, then gingerly touched her cheek, which was red and already starting to swell. “Sorry about that.”

She just shook her head. “It was necessary. Thank you.”

Neither of them had noticed Lee leave the room until he returned with a cold compress for Ino’s face. “I remembered there was a store room nearby,” he said, referring to his months-long stay here after his fight in the Chuunin Exam. “I’ll tell the nurse at the desk about it when we leave, so they won’t miss it.”

She thanked him and applied it, then sat back on the bed. Shikamaru made to sit on the floor, but she grabbed his arm and gently pulled him down beside her. As she continued to relay what had happened to her best friend, she started clutching his arm, needing his support. He complied, imagining that this must be far more traumatic for a girl, and knowing that she was editing the content for Sakura’s sake.

After another several minutes of sickening retelling, she fell silent mid-sentence, shuddering. “What’s wrong?” Shikamaru questioned quietly.

Ino shook her head, pulling her brain back from where it had wandered. “I don’t know if I should tell you guys.”

He certainly wasn’t expecting that. “After everything you’ve related, you can’t tell us something?” He didn’t want to pressure her, but he had the feeling that someone else needed to know.

Biting her lip, she nodded at last, taking a few deep breaths before pressing on. “Those cuts on her arm…”

“What about them?” this question from Sasuke, who had remained astonishingly quiet.

“Not all of them were caused by Akatsuki.”

“What do you mean?” the angst-ridden boy inquired.

“I mean… she caused most of them,” at the lack of comprehension around her, she clarified. “She’s been cutting herself. That’s why they haven’t been getting any better. She keeps opening them back up.”

“Why would she want to do that?” Naruto’s innocent inquest made Sasuke roll his eyes, but Ino was the only one who could really answer.

“Because she wants to die, but thinks that she doesn’t deserve the release of death. She thinks she deserves every bit of pain she can possibly inflict on herself, and all that others inflict on her, as well.”

Naruto seemed about to make another stupid remark, but was silenced by a look from his teammate. “We’ll keep an eye out for that.”

Ino smiled slightly in relief, but it was short lived as she continued her tale. Then she got to the day Sasuke had arrived. Sakura had completed her “usual chores,” though Shikamaru noticed that Ino did not elaborate on what those may be, and was in Itachi’s front room with him when she heard shouting, then the clang of kunai and shuriken, the slight squish of flesh being stabbed, and the screams. Itachi still sat calmly, meditating, as he did everyday at this time, so she thought little of it. Perhaps some of the lower ninja had started a fight. They were frequently drunk, and this did not come as a surprise. But then she heard footsteps running down the hall, coming nearer.

Ino turned to Sasuke, still angry with him, but in control of it now. “Perhaps you’d better tell this part.”

Sasuke shook his head, but it didn’t seem to be in negation, so they waited while he gathered his thoughts. “I saw them there, just like you said. Itachi and I traded insults, and he asked Sakura if she wanted to leave.” Sasuke paused, and Ino felt like killing him for making the others wait in suspense. “She said no.”

“How could she?” Lee finally asked of the silence.

Sasuke shrugged, not knowing, and not sure if he wanted to, so Ino answered them. “She’d come to love Itachi, in a twisted sort of way.”

“Love… him?” Naruto’s disgust was obviously shared by all the males in the room, and Ino hastened to set them straight.

“It’s actually a very common reaction to rape and abuse,” she stated as scientifically as she could. “Someone plays with your head until you can’t be sure what you feel anymore, and they convince you that the very intense feeling you have toward them, be it fear, anger, or loathing, is actually a form of love.”

“That’s… sick!” Naruto had a tendency to say exactly what he was thinking, and in this case, everyone else agreed.

“Yes, and it’s also why she screamed for Itachi to take her with him when he made his escape.”

“She WHAT?!” all four males called out in unison, and then the other three looked in confusion at Sasuke.

“I think that might have been after I stopped breathing,” he admitted. “I fought with Itachi, but then he got me in a strangle-hold, and I couldn’t get him off.” He shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing big, but Ino could see the fear in his eyes and the nervous tick in his still-bruised neck. His fear actually lessened her rage a bit, and she felt a strange kind of pity for him, still mixed with anger at his letting her friend be tortured by his own brother.

“After he left,” Ino continued her narration, “she passed out, probably from a combination of blood loss, physical exhaustion, and emotional overload. She woke up back here, in the infirmary, but she’s been having nightmares and flashbacks ever since.” She allowed the pity she now felt to show a bit as she looked at the young Uchiha survivor. “That’s why she pushed you away when you came to see her, Sasuke. You’re a trigger.”

“A what?” Naruto looked confused, so Ino elaborated.

“A trigger. A visual, emotional, or physical reminder which sets off a flashback. In her case, there’s a double reason for Sasuke to be a trigger. First, he was there, and witnessed a portion of her humiliation, seeing what she’d been reduced to. And second…” she trailed off, not sure if she should say.

“Second,” Sasuke picked up, his voice gruff, “I look exactly like my brother did at my age.”

“From what Sakura said when describing her attacker, change the hair a bit, make you a bit taller, and take away any emotions whatsoever, and you’d be the spitting image.”

Sasuke nodded, and it seemed as though he was trying very hard to accomplish the third item on Ino’s list.

“So, what do we do?” Again with Naruto questioning.

She shook her head. “There’s not much we can do. She needs a lot of counseling, and time to recover. Just make sure to let her know that you still care about her. Act like you did before this happened as much as possible, but try not to be in a room with her unless the door is open, or there’s another woman present. Respect her space; don’t try to touch her, especially if she isn’t watching you at the moment, and do as she asks. If she says to leave, do, but come back later, and make sure she knows you weren’t offended, even if you were. She’s going to be touchy and rude. Deal with it. Hopefully, she’ll come back.”

Naruto nodded in earnestness, and she wasn’t sure if the idiot completely got what she had just said, but felt reassured that the others would help keep him in line. “She doesn’t have much of an appetite, so do encourage her to eat. She’s gotten so thin…”

“I thought you said girls wanted to be thin for their crush?” Shikamaru asked in all seriousness, and she nearly clobbered him.

“There is such a thing as being too thin.”

“Sakura was too thin before,” Sasuke commented. “Now, she’s skin on bones.”

Shikamaru stood and stretched, then placed his hands behind his head, nodding. As the highest ranking ninja present – incidentally, with the authority to issue genins commands – he took charge. “Right. Well, you three have your orders. Go back to her. She should be asleep now, but who knows when she’ll wake up? Ino needs to inform Sakura’s doctors, so they know what they’re dealing with.”

He looked down at Ino, and jerked his head toward the door. “Come on. I’ll walk you there.”

She seemed grateful not to be left alone as she followed him out, and he asked her who Sakura’s doctor was, nearly tripping over the answer. “How troublesome,” he sighed as they made their way out of the hospital and over to the building which housed the offices of the Hokage.

Tsunade had been expecting Ino, so they were passed through by the security ninja with little ceremony, and were ordered straight to the Hokage’s Personal Office. The capital letters were audible, and they were given directions, which they quickly followed. Shikamaru debated leaving Ino at the door, but she had latched onto his arm and was shaking again, so he would physically have to pry her off to rid himself of her.

It wasn’t worth it.

So, he came along, and was soon seated before the most formidable ninja in the village. Tsunade dismissed everyone else in the office and ordered Shizune, her secretary and apprentice, to keep everyone out unless life, limb, or village depended on it. “Cancel any appointments for this afternoon. If they can’t be rescheduled, have someone else deal with it.” It was a fairly standard order when the Godaime had something delicate to discuss, and Shizune nodded before shutting and locking the door, then putting up a ninjutsu barrier to block eavesdroppers.

“Well,” Tsunade said at last, “what’s the news?”

“How much do you want?” Ino replied, having finally gotten her trembling under control.

“Every detail she gave you, and every observation you made. I’ll need all of it to make an accurate assessment.” The Hokage noted the genin’s flinch at that, but then the girl nodded and suddenly looked meaningfully at the boy beside her. “He can stay,” Tsunade declared, “if he wants to. Someday, every ninja has to deal with a woman who’s been in a similar situation. It’s best to be prepared. But,” she locked her forceful eyes with those of the chuunin, “not a word of this is to ever leave this room. Sakura can never know that you heard the details. It would embarrass her, especially as you’re an acquaintance of hers, but not a near friend.”

Shikamaru nodded, not sure if he really wanted to hear all this, but knowing that Ino needed him there. “I won’t say anything.”

“Good idea,” Tsunade smirked. “If you have an observation to make, please raise your hand, and wait till you’re asked.”

He felt almost like he was in school again, except that Godaime-sama was far more adept at inspiring fear than any of his teachers had been. Especially Iruka-Sensei… He noticed that she was waiting for an answer, and gave her a quick “mm,” before she picked up her pencil and motioned Ino to begin.

About five minutes later, the Fifth Hokage needed to hand the young chuunin an emesis basin as he lost his lunch. Ino obviously had nothing in her stomach anymore, but she did dry-heave a few times in the retelling. She related every fact as calmly as she could, and detailed each aspect of Sakura’s actions just as coldly, finding it the only way to bring those horrible memories to voice.

And the worst fact of all was finally revealed in daylight. There had been a baby. Well, almost. Itachi had gotten Sakura pregnant, but the constant abuse, loss of blood, and lack of food had caused her to miscarry.

When Ino was through, she burst into tears again, though they had been leaking out slowly the whole time, as the wastebasket that had appeared by her chair at the same time a basin popped into Shika’s lap could attest. Tsunade always kept a large supply of tissues on hand. The older woman watched as both teens came to grips with the facts of what had happened to their classmate, and Ino with the fact that, but for the grace of God, it could have been her.

Tsunade thought the boy might be in shock until he reached over and pulled the girl to him, lending her a shoulder to cry on. It was a touching gesture and moistened the Godaime’s eyes as well, but she quickly shook her head to clear it. She had a patient to diagnose, and she would need these children’s help for the treatment. Standing quietly, so as not to disturb them, she made her way to the bookcase and took down a volume written by the former head of the Konoha Infirmary, which made note of a number of cases where rape had been used to torture. She studied them quickly, and then remembered the state that Sakura’s Sensei and teammate had both been in when the “Legendary Looser” had come to be the Fifth Hokage. All three cases caused by the same man… it could be he used a similar, if not the same, technique on the girl that he had on the other two. She hustled back to her desk and took out her notes of those two cases, perusing them to refresh her memory. Having come to a conclusion, she waited patiently for the whole attention of the pair in front of her.

When they both were sufficiently calm, she began. “Sakura is suffering from a number of things, and I will try to lay them out logically. Ask any questions you need to,” a common statement from any doctor, and Tsunade was no exception as she turned to her notes.

“First, obviously, is Rape Trauma Syndrome, or RTS. Excessive crying, jumpiness – especially around males – oversleeping and lack of sleep in irregular cycles, all these point to that. You also properly diagnosed her Emotional Rape Syndrome, and even if she hated him before, a woman would do anything for the father of her child, miscarried or not. The fact that she’s gone blank unless you force yourself past her walls is a pretty good indication that she’s also got a form of PTSD, called Post Traumatic Rape Disorder, which is tying into her ERS. Anything that even remotely reminds her of what happened could trigger a flashback, and she would not be able to control what she might do to anyone nearby during one. She also seems to have some trouble with a Dissociative Identity Disorder, as she keeps referring to herself in the third person. She’s distancing herself from the issue, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t her. She’s just a dispassionate observer in her head as much as possible.”

“She has practice with that,” Ino murmured to herself, remembering her fight with her friend’s Inner Self.

“The fact that she is depressed is no surprise, but knowing now that she miscarried, I’m not sure how much of that is emotional, and how much is mental and physical. Her eating disorder is obvious, as well, and I’ll speak to her about that. She’s not stupid, she just doesn’t care anymore. That one shouldn’t be too hard, especially if you and her other friends keep encouraging her. Tell me, Ino, did you ever used to help her with her hair or make-up?”

Ino nodded, a bit confused. “I started doing her hair at the Academy, when everyone was teasing her about her big forehead. She kept trying to hide it, which only made the teasing worse, and I told her so. I gave her my ribbon, and she’s worn her hair that way ever since. And she only lets me cut it. Why?”

Tsunade nodded in satisfaction, ignoring the question. “Good. I want you at the infirmary every morning to help her wash and style her hair. Make sure she knows you think she’s beautiful.”

“She is,” Ino interrupted, causing a sad smile on the Hokage’s face.

“Yes, but she seems to have forgotten that fact. Help her remember it, and make sure she knows that it is not a sin to be beautiful. Just to be vain. One should always take care of their appearance.”

Ino nodded, grateful to have something concrete in her hands. She had felt so powerless earlier, but now she had a defined task and she was determined to help her friend. “Please, do you think it would be alright…” she wasn’t sure how to phrase this, but the Godaime’s questioning eyes gave her the words. “She used to love it when I’d scratch and massage her scalp. We called it ‘head scritchies’… but I don’t know if that would remind her too much of… other things,” she finished lamely.

“Try it while you help her wash. It’s a required part of shampooing, after all, and you can gauge the answer by her response.” Here she stopped and looked at both of them. “That is the important thing, and I want you, and anyone else who sits with her, to understand this. Let her set the pace. There is no such thing as a quick recovery from rape, and no such thing as ‘taking too long.’ Each person is different, and no two ever react in exactly the same fashion. If I hear of anyone pushing her to move faster than she can, I will remove them from her presence… permanently, if necessary, and that includes the two of you.”

They nodded solemnly, and she prayed that neither of them would ever have to experience Sakura’s pain first-hand. “Dismissed.”

Just before the door closed behind them, Shizune slipped into the office and gave her boss a measuring look. “That bad?”

Tsunade merely nodded, trying to think of this as just another case, not her beloved pupil, not her Sakura. The girl was the closest thing the bachellorette had to a daughter, and it shattered her already broken heart to know what had happened. A large part of her was angry at her student’s teammate. She stopped that thought dead in its tracks.

Sasuke was another patient, and she could not be angry at a patient. Granted, he was an arrogant, egotistical, angsty little brat, but she had been for a while, too. In fact, until Jiraya had hunted her down with “Konoha’s #1 Loudest Ninja,” she hadn’t had a completely unselfish thought in years, perhaps decades. She had no right to judge someone else. Yes, she had lost people she’d loved, but rather than seek help from those she had left, she’d walled them out – she’d run away.

And Sasuke was the same. He held onto his goal of killing his brother like a life-line, and perhaps it was. When Shizune had found her and begged to be taken on as her apprentice, Tsunade had been at the end of her money, with gambling debts piled high, and not an ounce of desire to fix any of it. Had she given up and gone away as the Sanin had requested, Tsunade would probably have died or gotten thrown in jail for one reason or another within a few months.

What Sasuke really needed was someone who needed him, and to be made to recognize that need. If only he would. But chances were, he’d react as he always had, shoving those who most needed him away, ignoring his need for anything beyond revenge. And if something didn’t give soon, both he and Sakura would die, lonely and unloved.

“Yes, Shizune, it’s that bad. And it’s confusing as hell.”

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Wow, that's one rough chapter; a bit too heavy on the medical terminology, for one thing. Sorry about that. Re-reading it made me realize how long it's been since I worked on this part of the story. My writing style has changed so much!
Thank you all for your patience. Would that my students were so kind. I'm TAing for my favorite English professor this semester, which really means that I'm teaching the class, but at least I'm getting credit for my work. Freshmen can be adorable sometimes, but more often than not, I just want to beat them over the head... especially the boys. No offense to any freshmen out there who are nice to their teachers and TAs. Please, continue with such polite behavior.
Anyway, please read and review. It's back to grading essays for me.
Have a great day and good reading!

Crimson Iris