Forever

Last update before the new year so Happy New Year and stay safe.


Chapter 2

Naruto was led toward an apartment building after they left the Hokage tower. They hid in the afternoon shadows all the way there, and slipped inside a door on the second floor. Naruto looked around the studio apartment and for a moment he missed living a simple life where simple things were important. There were small things everywhere that reminded him of Shino so much, and the pain was sharp. He walked over to the kitchen area and picked up a bottle of sake that was still sealed. The mark on the side hadn’t changed since Naruto had opened his last bottle. He slipped the cork out gently and pulled two cups from the cabinet. It wasn’t warm, but it would do. He felt a presence behind him and filled both cups and handed one over without looking up. He drank quickly and coughed a bit at the strength of the alcohol. It burned a path down his throat, to his stomach, and he was grateful for the two meals he’d been given during his visit with the Hokage.

Strong hands took the bottle from him, and poured both cups full again. They drank in silence. It was as though the man knew how much he needed it. He put the empty cup down on the counter and looked over at the man next to him… and felt his heart stop. His breath became ragged and he was dizzy from the mixture of shock and alcohol. Shino was standing next to him, young and beautiful as he remembered him. He lifted a shaky hand to the face in front of him and brushed his fingers over soft pale skin. Naruto felt the pressure against his hand increase as the face leaned into the touch the same way Shino had always done.

Naruto couldn’t help himself. He leaned in to kiss the lips of his memory, but the man leaned away. Naruto didn’t stop though. He backed the man into the wall behind him, and then pressed close to him when he couldn’t moved away further. The look on his face wasn’t of discomfort or fear, but of curiosity and concern. “You know what I see don’t you?” Naruto asked as his lips whispered over lips that could no longer escape his.

“Yes.” Was all the man was able to answer before they came together. The kiss was gentle and exploring. Naruto was excited and afraid at the same time. This was a new madness, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it, but making love to the mouth before him seemed like the best idea right then. He let his hands slide down over shoulders and arms, then back up to a strong chest. He paid no mind to the subtle differences in size and build. There were scars that were missing and some that his memory didn’t recognize, but it was him. Arms lifted and slid around his waist pulling him closer still. Naruto was lost in the haze of fantasy mixed with reality, and he didn’t want to remember that this wasn’t his Shino. He pulled away slightly and took both hands in his leading him to the other side of the room where the bed was.

He slowly removed each piece of clothing from both of their bodies. His lover tried to kiss him several times, but he leaned away. He wanted to look. Shino had been much older when he’d died. Naruto was captivated by the strength in this form though, and was caught in a memory of their first night together. Naruto touched him everywhere. They laid down on the bed and his hand slide over taut stomach muscles to take hold of the hardening erection further down. Naruto’s lips hovered over the other’s enjoying the soft sounds of excitement. Their lips rested lightly together as Naruto stroked the hardness in his hand.

Naruto wanted this to last. He let his lips travel down over soft skin. He soon found himself kneeling between spread legs that shifted and flexed wantonly. He looked up to see he was being watched from under long lashes. He hadn’t even asked this man his name. He’d been thinking of him as Shino, but that wasn’t fair. “What’s your name?”

The man sat up and ran a hand over Naruto’s chest slowly before looking up into his eyes fully. “You don’t want to know.” He whispered softly and leaned forward to take one of Naruto’s nipples in his mouth. He licked and sucked eliciting a long pleasure filled moan from Naruto.

“Yes I do.” Naruto panted out as he ran his fingers through soft hair.

Those eyes refocused on him, and the trepidation in them was clear. “Shino…”

Naruto gasped and pulled back. He tried to get up, but he was pulled back and down on his back. Shino used his body weight to pin him to the bed. Naruto couldn’t look away no matter how hard he tried.

“He was a hero in our clan. I was named for him… and I knew that when you said he was your lover you would want me like this.”

Naruto felt like now should be the time to cry, but he had no tears left, he’d cried them all away. “But do you think that’s fair? Is it fair for you to be with me if all I can see is him?”

Shino smiled down at him, and let his weight become more of a comfort than a restraint. “I’m not him, but if I could be him for you I would be more than happy to do anything you want. Your story is legend in our village just like the Hokage said, and your love for him is legend in my family. No one has ever wanted me that way, and I think this might be my only chance to know that feeling. I just want to know what it feels like to be loved like that.”

“Even if it isn’t real?” Naruto whispered. How could anyone want to know what love like his felt like? It only brought pain and suffering.

“Is love ever truly real? I have had several lovers and none of them have ever made me feel the way you are right now.”

Naruto wanted to believe that this was ok. He wanted to believe that what he felt for Shino was truly that special, that others would be willing to suffer just to know it for a moment. It made him feel like maybe he’d loved Shino enough while he’d been alive, and that was a comfort he’d never experienced before. He nodded to the man over him and closed his eyes as he felt lips descend to his.

When Shino started to work his way down Naruto’s body, he started to feel a bit self conscious. He wasn’t in any way what you could call attractive. He was still healthy, but the color of his skin was pale from not having seen the sunlight in so many years. He was still muscular as if his body had been in stasis, but any fat that might have made his body comfortably yielding was long gone leaving a hardened sharpness to his form that he’d never had before. He couldn’t imagine that Shino liked what he saw, but his movements were passionate, and his kisses were reverent. When those lips found Naruto’s erection he gasped at the heat. He’d been cold for so very long that the intensity nearly burned him. Naruto’s body reacted well though. He was entranced by the rhythm and tried to keep his hips still so as not to loose control too quickly. It had, after all, been a very long time since he’d gotten laid.

The pace slowed to manageable after a few moments and Naruto had a chance to enjoy instead of fight against his body. Soft brown hair twinned wildly through his fingers. He closed his eyes and let himself remember. Everything was so hot, hands, mouth and body as they moved over and around him. He felt the beginning of his orgasm start to return, and just as his hips started to force the pace to increase he was released. Naruto bit his lip to keep from shouting, but forgot his attempt to keep quiet when he felt wet fingers enter him. Two slid in smoothly and curved slightly to graze the passion inside him. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed it until he had it again, and he knew then that he wouldn’t be leaving town without at least one more night with his new lover.

He was brought back from the haze of pleasure when a third finger sliced into him. He cried out then arching his back sending taut muscles into painful relief. He didn’t know if he was pulling away or asking for more, but Shino didn’t seem to care either way. Naruto was simply overcome with feeling. His touch deprivation had left him wanting and needing something indefinable, but his lover seemed to just know. Reality and fantasy were starting to blur again, and Naruto couldn’t tell if he was awake or dreaming when those fingers left him and Shino shifted over him. Naruto didn’t much care either at this point. All that mattered was that if this was a dream he didn’t ever want to wake.

Rough hands lifted his legs to rest over beautifully broad shoulders and those hands slid down to massage his thighs in an effort to calm him just before Naruto felt himself being opened. This time he didn’t have to cover his mouth. The breath was caught in his lungs. The feeling was divine. It was as if the gods had deemed him worthy for the first time in his life. The pressure was intense but no less arousing. He felt the easy slide, and when they were flush he was able to breathe again. Shino was still stroking his thighs as if he were a wild animal that needed to be soothed to keep him from bolting. For a moment he was back in reality, and pain flared in his chest. Shino had never been afraid of him. He’d been afraid of hurting him, but never of him. This man knew what he was.

His mind followed his body into the realm of pleasure when Shino started to move. It was a torturous pace, in and out, over and over. His arms thrashed as they searched blindly for something, anything to keep him grounded. He thought brokenly for a moment that he’d lost the battle and was drifting away when he realized he was now sitting in Shino’s lap. His chest was flush with his lover’s and those strong hands moved to his hips to keep the motion from stopping.

“I couldn’t kiss you like that. I wanted to kiss you…” Shino panted against Naruto’s lips and then they were kissing. Shino thrust his tongue into Naruto’s mouth and the taste was cinnamon and Sake. The combination was invigorating, and they were soon slamming into each other. Naruto felt the strain of their pace in every muscle in his body. Sweat broke out over both of them making the slide of skin on skin smooth and easy. Naruto would have laughed at the sound of their skin slapping if he hadn’t been so intent on kissing the breath from Shino.

Shino pulled back from the kiss then and let go of his ass to slide sideways onto his back. The move put Naruto on top. He shifted his legs and started to ride. Why they changed positions occurred to him when Shino’s hands slid around his erection and pumped hard. Focused eyes watched Naruto as he lost all control. His hips bucked erratically as his orgasm hit him with the force of the universe. Every cell in his body was alive with pleasure, and he was shocked with the distant though that he’d forgotten how amazing sex could be. The body below him had stopped moving, but the hands on his thighs were painfully tight, and when Naruto looked down at him Shino’s eyes and mouth were wide with silent wonder. Naruto felt each pulse inside him as Shino fell into his own rapture. He moved just slightly and felt the hips under him buck. He was sated and drifting toward relaxed, but his waning erection tightened slightly as he enjoyed the power he had over his lover.

When the body below him started to relax Naruto gently lifted himself off, and lay down beside Shino. He ran his fingers over Shino’s smooth face and lifted up on his elbow so he could lean down and kiss him. The kiss was returned and they wrapped arms around each other wanting to stay close. Naruto was a little irritated that he wasn’t tired at all when he noticed that Shino’s eyes were low and heavy with sleep. He wanted to enjoy a natural sleep with this man, but he knew it wouldn’t happen right then.

“I’ve wanted this for so long Naruto… thank you.” Shino said in a sleepy voice before drifting off. Naruto sat up slowly and tried to understand what that meant. How could he have wanted Naruto if they’d only met today? The thought plagued him for over an hour before he decided that it would soon be dark enough to leave the apartment on his own without being noticed, and decided to visit his Shino.

He was surprised that the shower hadn’t woken his exhausted lover, but looked at it as a positive sign. He hadn’t wanted to fight with the man, but he really needed to do this alone. He shut the door as quietly as he could behind him and headed out across his village. It hadn’t changed at all for the most part. He wondered idly if Ichiraku’s was still there. He’d have to check it out later. He soon found himself surrounded by head stones. The shinobi that sacrificed themselves for the sake of the village were awarded a special burial on sacred ground. Shino’s stone was about half way down from the Main monument where the ceremonies were held, and Naruto found it easily even without the moon to light his way.

He knelt down in front of the stone and brushed his fingers lightly over the Kanji that spelled his lover’s name. Was it time to let go? Even if it was, Naruto knew it was impossible. His lover had been stolen from him, and he’d recovered from the loss gradually, but letting go of the memory was different. Learning to live without was not the same as moving on.

Hours passed and the stars shifted above his head. The moon had finally risen, and Naruto laid down in the grass studying the contours as it drifted slowly across the sky. It was unchanging just as he was, and he felt suddenly kindred to the moon. They were both lonely beings floating in space, alive with light on the outside, but dead on the inside. That wasn’t true though. Naruto had felt alive tonight, very alive. His thoughts drifted to the bed where Shino was laying asleep. He wanted to have him again. If the sex turned out to be that good every time he might have to stay a while.

Then he remembered what the other had said as he’d drifted off to sleep. Maybe he’d been talking about the feeling. He’d said earlier that he had always wanted to know what it felt like to be loved the way Naruto loved Shino. It had to be that… but Naruto wasn’t convinced. The eastern sky was starting to lighten when he decided to return. It didn’t take more than five minutes to reach the apartment. He stepped in the door silently, and closed it with barely a sound when he heard dishes clanging in the kitchen. He looked up to see Shino slam a cabinet door only to open another and slam it too. Naruto wondered if he was really looking for something or if he was just angry. He called out Shino’s name, and got his answer when the other turned.

“Where have you been!” Shino turned away again and leaned heavily against the counter. Naruto was irritated. He didn’t like thinking he had a keeper, but he was feeling generous so he decided to explain. “I went to Shino’s grave. I didn’t want to wake you, you were sleeping so well, and it was something I had to do alone anyway.”

Shino didn’t turn when he spoke again. “I thought you’d left without saying good bye. I thought I’d never see you again…”

Naruto understood now. Shino wasn’t angry he was hurt. “I wouldn’t have done that. Not after what happened between us. When I leave I will tell you.”

Shino looked up then and there was pain written all over his face. It was even in his posture. “I don’t want you to leave… ever.”

“I told you when I met you that I wasn’t planning on staying…” Naruto didn’t get to finish.

“NO! You hadn’t met me yet. When you saw me didn’t you feel something? Don’t you want to stay? I can make you feel that way forever…” This time Naruto interrupted him.

“Don’t say that… You don’t have any idea what forever means. According to the date I’ll be four hundred years old soon. I know forever, and you can’t give that to me.” Naruto wanted to tear his hair out, he wanted to scream. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “How old are you?”

Shino stepped closer to him, but Naruto stepped back so he stopped. “I’m twenty two.”

“So young. You’ll never understand.”

Shino glared at him. “I already do. If you leave me like this then I will live the rest of my life alone. Don’t you understand that no one can make me feel the way you do? I’ve wanted you my whole life. What you had with him is what I’ve always dreamed of. That kind of love doesn’t even really exist. It’s the kind of love that people write about, but it never really happens, but it did with you, and I want that. I want you.”

Naruto stopped and took another step back. This conversation had just become something completely different from before. Shino was talking about things he shouldn’t even know about. “I don’t understand. You didn’t even know who I was. How…”

Shino stumbled through the apartment toward the bed. He fell onto it and slid across to the night stand. He pulled out a book and turned toward Naruto sitting on his knees as he flipped through the pages cautiously. He came to one, and turned the book toward Naruto to show him. “This is how I know. I thought at first that you were a fraud, that you weren’t real, but when you whispered his name I knew it was you. I’ve had this since I was very young. My mother said that I looked just like him, and that I should know his life so that I could have something to live up to. He’s the greatest shinobi our clan has known, and he was so much of everything I wanted to be, but what I wanted most was what he had with you. I’ve dreamt of you coming back for years but I didn’t ever think it would happen. I even became a recruiter for a while thinking I might find you. When you showed up it was like a dream...”

Naruto slowly made his way to the bed. He heard all that Shino had said, but it was like white noise once the book had come to light. Naruto reached for it, and nearly wept when he realized it really was what he’d thought. Shino’s diary, still worn and well loved as it had been when he’d seen Shino write in it. The page that was open had a picture of them together. They’d been kissing and thought no one was around. Sakura had snapped it right at the moment their passion started to smolder. Naruto remembered the moment like it was yesterday. He’d been ready to drag Shino home when he’d heard the click and instantly wanted to kill the irritating woman, but when she’d given him the picture he realized what a gift it was to have a picture of what they felt for each other to cherish forever. There was that word again. Forever. He hated it, but it seemed he would never escape it.

Now he realized why this Shino had wanted him. This picture was the perfect representation of what he’d felt at that moment and it was beautiful. He couldn’t fault him for wanting to be part of that, but it would be the worst sort of sin Naruto could imagine, giving this young man something so false.

“It wouldn’t be that way. You have to understand that he’s dead. I can’t go through that again. I’ll never be whole. That means I can’t be whole for you, and it wouldn’t be right. I’m damaged and you deserve better. You deserve someone to grow old with not someone who will watch you grow old.”

Shino’s body seemed to deflate as he slumped on the bed. He looked like a kicked puppy, and so very young to Naruto. He knew how much pain love could cause, and he regretted letting himself indulge in a moment of pleasure if it was only going to cause this.

“I’ll follow you. I’m an Aburame after all, and I can track better than anyone. If you won’t stay with me then I’ll go with you.” Shino’s voice drifted through several emotions while he spoke. There was desperation, pain and love, but what worried Naruto most was the conviction that was clear in the last few words. Shino was serious, and Naruto knew he couldn’t let that happen. He moved onto the bed and took Shino in his arms. He held him close and there was a moment of uncomfortable stillness before strong young arms surrounded him and held him with a grip so tight he could barely breathe.

“I’ll think about it.” Naruto whispered into messy dark hair. He would take the time to go over it in his mind, and hopefully he could find the right answer for both of them. For now though he decided that Shino needed comfort that was more physical than words so he laid them both down, and took his time making love all over again, this time trying very hard to see the young man before him and not his lost lover from the past.

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