Bathhouse revelations

Chapter 3

Iruka was sipping his tea slowly. He did not have often enough time to enjoy a cup of tea like that in an authentic kissaten (tea house). Between academy work, mission room duties, random C-ranked missions and Naruto, he seldom had time to himself these days. It was such a pity, because it felt truly relaxing to take the time to... to just appreciate time. Hm. He wasn’t sure it made sense, but he didn’t truly care.

All around him, people were chatting sociably in a low tone, their voices melting together to create a very unique orchestra, where cacophony and harmony couldn’t be told clearly from one another. Strange, how those voices felt somewhat reassuring. In the past days, voices like those had only brought him worries and uneasiness, but now those voices had a certain soothing effect on him. As if he was in a different universe, with different rules, where words weren’t trying to express anything, where they were mere sounds put together to form this particular music - an human music.

Iruka frowned slightly at the thought of those whispers that had been following him around for the past few days. They made him feel uneasy. And he had a good reason to feel that way; he couldn’t enter a public area without feeling people stealing glances at him and talking more or less subtly to one another - talking of him, of course. As if he was the main protagonist of a very disturbing and scandalous public affair. Some strangers stared at him in a disapproving way, young women shared high-pitched laughs on his passage, while others just looked somewhat sad for him, as if he was to pity. Iruka knew there was something big going on - something concerning him, moreover. Something the whole village was aware of.

Except for him.

Of course, what other people thought of him didn’t truly matter! It had never been bothered by such things and didn’t want to start to now. But... but somehow, Umino Iruka couldn’t help but feel uneasy at all that unhealthy attention he was given, that was all.

After a while, Iruka had come to the logical conclusion that there was probably some mildly sensational rumor going on about him. Which, when you thought about it, wasn’t such a big deal. In spite of his young age, the brown-haired man knew well human nature, and he knew gossips usually didn’t last long. People grew bored of them after a while, since there’s a limit to the time you can spend commenting the same useless little piece of information. Of course, the fact that he was known to be such a normal, boring person probably brought even more attention to himself, now that there was something scandalous to say about him. It made it all even juicier, Iruka contemplated a bit bitterly. Soon enough, he reminded himself, all those gossipers would find something more interesting to babble about and forget about him altogether, and that was for the best.

Iruka had also wisely decided he didn’t want to know what those rumors were about. People would forget about them anyway, so it couldn’t affect him. And if it couldn’t affect him, there was no point knowing what kind of horrible and/or possibly sick story someone had come up with and spred through the village.

Plus, he had already heard people gossiping about himself before and certainly did not want to renew the experience.

The young man sighed, sipping his tea absent-mindedly again. It had been five days since that fateful evening at the bathhouse - where he learned things that should have remained unknown to him. Or at least, he shouldn’t have learned them that way. The more practical part of his mind commented dryly that it could have been worse; he could have learned it directly from the Copy nin’s mouth in an official confession. Yes, of course, that would have been worse. But surely enough he could have learned it in a softer way... How, he didn’t know, but he firmly believed it could have been possible.

As to what he was supposed to think of it... He preferred not thinking about it. Not because he was scared or because he was a coward. Simply because he didn’t know what to do about it and wanted to let dust settle a bit in his mind so he could see clear through it afterward. Iruka firmly believed that was the best thing to do for now. Being obsessed by it wouldn’t solve his problem, so there was no point overreacting. Luckily enough, he hadn’t run into Kakashi since their last encounter on Tuesday evening in the mission room, which left him even more time to think about the right attitude to adopt toward the “problem”. Or at least, it left him more time before their next ‘confrontation’, and he couldn’t honestly say that he was trying to prepare himself for it. Quite the opposite.

Anyhow, Iruka genuinely hoped he wouldn’t run into Hatake Kakashi any time soon.

It was funny actually; to think that merely a week ago, he had been trying to get closer to the man and that he was now wishing to stay as far as possible from the famous jounin. Iruka snorted at the thought. Life was so ironical sometimes...

As he took another sip of his tea, the chuunin looked at his watch and sighed. Slowly, he paid for his order and left the quiet cacophony of the kissaten, making his way to the mission room to start his shift. On his way to his workplace, the academy teacher tried his best to ignore people who stared at him and whispered on his passage, keeping his gaze steady to the road under his feet. Soon enough, he reached the mission room’s transparent doors, through which he could see the room buzzing with people chatting to one another sociably, although only a few of them seemed to be waiting to hand in their mission reports. Hn, they were probably waiting for something else. Or someone else...

Damn. And now he had become some kind of show even at his workplace.

Sighing heavily, Iruka entered the room. When he made his entrance, the whole room fell strangely silent for a short moment before returning to its previous noisiness, people pretending to be there for a reason or another. Doing as if he hadn’t noticed people staring more or less subtly at him, Iruka seated himself at his desk and started his shift as if there was nothing wrong.

They would grow bored of him soon, he kept on telling himself. Soon enough.

The afternoon passed by atrociously slowly for Umino Iruka, who did his best to seem oblivious to people’s sudden interest for him. Not that he fooled anyone, but at least if he kept up pretending he didn’t notice their curious glaces, they wouldn’t harass him with questions. And that strategy seemed to work so far, as nobody had dared to ask him doubtful questions yet.

As the end of his shift drew near, Iruka wished for nothing more than being left alone in some quiet, gossip-free place as his ears pounded painfully from all that noise always surrounding him wherever he went. A quiet and isolated place... like his bedroom, for example. Yes, his bed would be nice... The chuunin surprisingly enough found himself yawning at the thought. He must have been more tired than he had thought...

As he was about to finish his never ending shift, the Hokage’s personal assistant, Shizune, showed up. Iruka, like everybody else, was taken by surprise when he saw her walk straight to him and stop in front of him.

“Would you be Umino Iruka?” she inquired politely. The whole room suddenly turned very silent, everybody listening avidly to whatever the Hokage’s assistant could want with the mild-mannered chuunin.

“Yes, I am,” the brown-haired man answered as politely.

“The Hokage would like to have a discussion with you,” the woman announced him and the academy teacher stared at her, surprised. Rapidly, he overcame his initial surprise and started to feel nervous about this sudden summon. The Hokage, summoning him?! This couldn’t be good. Her tone had been far too official to mean anything good, he thought anxiously. A febrile murmur passed through the room, the whole mission room now devouring the chuunin with their eyes. Gulping, Iruka silently nodded and followed her anxiously out of the mission room as she led the way to the Godaime’s office.

What was that about? What could the Hokage, of all people, possibly want with him? He was just some average chuunin and the Godaime and him weren’t even on speaking terms anyway. Iruka honestly couldn’t see what this sudden meeting could be about.

Could it be linked to those rumors going on about him? The academy teacher concluded it was probably the case, since he couldn’t see any other reason why the Godaime wanted to speak with him in private like this. Somehow, that thought didn’t reassure him at all. What did she hear about him exactly? Iruka suddenly wished he knew what those gossips people kept on exchanging about him were about. At least he’d know what to expect... Somehow, he had the impression that he was a prisoner waiting for his trial without even knowing what he was charged for. He knew it was stupid of him; maybe the Hokage only wanted to talk about his students... But somehow he highly doubted it.

The brown-haired man silently followed Shizune to the Hokage’s headquarters, his guts fluttering anxiously as he drew nearer to the Hokage tower. He nervously mused about how the distance between his workplace and the Godaime’s office seemed to shorten all of a sudden. As if even time didn’t want to let him calm down before that fateful moment. He knew it was a trick of his mind, but somehow he couldn’t get that stupid and useless thought out of his head. Even as the brown-haired woman opened the Hokage’s office doors and motioned him to enter her master’s hideout, he couldn’t get rid of the idea that time was pulling a bad pranks on him.

Bracing himself, Iruka willed some of his anxiety away and entered Tsunade’s office. He was expecting to see her waiting for him quietly behind her wide desk, a slight frown on her young-looking and rather gorgeous features, but the desk standing in front of him was surprisingly Tsunade-free. The chuunin looked cautiously around, but there was no sing of life in sight - except maybe the pot plant in the corner of the room, although one could wonder about its living state for it had an interesting brown-ish colour. Where could be the Hokage? Didn’t she want to talk to him? Turning around to ask the Hokage’s assistant what to do, the chuunin noticed that Shizune had left already and stared at the empty hallway with mild worry. Silently closed the doors behind him, Iruka stood by them and fidgeted, wondering what to do. Should sit down and wait for the Godaime? Or should he inform Shizune her master was missing? But he had no idea where the woman had gone to and looking for her in the high security Hokage tower was out of question. Clearly, he was going to have to wait.

Just as Iruka was about to take a seat, the Godaime suddenly came out of a small half-hidden door on his left and greeted him warmly.

“Ah, Iruka-kun, there you are,” she said with an unusual hearty smile. Her friendly attitude unsettled the brown-haired man, who had been expecting to get scolded by the blond woman. He stared at her a bit anxiously, unsure of what was the best attitude to adopt. Then his gaze when to the ground in front of her feet as he remembered it wasn’t polite to stare.

“Hokage-sama,” Iruka bowed politely, his gaze never leaving the ground. He heard the Hokage snicker.

“What’s wrong Iruka? You’re acting like a dog who’s been caught pissing on the carpet.” The illustration was sure crude, but quite accurate, Iruka thought with mild amusement.

“Shizune-sama said you wanted to have a word with me, so I thought...” the chuunin trailed on.

“...that I would scold you?” Tsunade finished with an amused smile. Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose with his finger and laughed a bit nervously.

“I guess so.”

“Why would I? You’ve done nothing wrong - or at least, as far as I know. I just wanted to have a little friendly chat with you, since it’s been such a long time I haven’t talked to you.”

At those words, a warning bell rang into Iruka’s head. The Hokage, wanting to have a friendly chat? And with him, of all people? He didn’t know what she wanted out of him, but it couldn’t be anything good. His apprehension must have showed on his face because Tsunade raised an amused eyebrow at him.

“You can come over you know, I don’t bite,” she told him as she entered the half-hidden room and hesitantly, Iruka followed her. Behind the hidden door, the chuunin found a small and cosy green room in which stood a low traditional Japanese table, a small fuming teapot and a pair of cups on its center. Tsunade sat at the table on an huge olive cushion, inviting warmly Iruka to join her. Slowly, the brown-haired man took place at the table and watched the Hokage as she served him tea, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation. The Godaime, serving him tea? Wanting to chat with him? That was utterly wrong... His brain worked madly to try to figure out what she could possibly want with him. Why was she suddenly caring so much about him? It wasn’t like they were intimate or something... Sure, they talked to each other once in a while, but not enough to justify something like that. And Iruka couldn’t see anything about himself that could arouse her curiosity so much that she would want to - wait.

The rumor.

Of course, it had to be the rumor. What else could it be? It had to be the rumor. Suddenly, the situation seemed to be ridiculously out of the brown-haired man’s control. Damn... How Iruka wished he knew what it was all about. Without any doubts, he would soon learn it anyway, he thought as he eyed the smiling Hokage with mild apprehension. Somehow, something was telling him what he would hear that night couldn’t be something he’d want to learn from the highest authority of the ninja village.

“So! How have you been doing lately, Iruka-kun?” the said woman broke his chain of thoughts as she served herself tea.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Iruka answered politely. Taking a sip of his tea, he hid a grimace as he swallowed the unusually bitter liquid. If Tsunade ever left her position as an Hokage, he hoped she wouldn’t retrain as a Tea House host. How did she manage to make such an horrible tea anyway? “The students are doing well and I love my job-”

“No, no,” she cut him at once. “I want to know how you are doing.” Iruka’s eyebrow shot up with surprise.

“Well... I’m fine, I guess,” he answered slowly, wondering where she was headed with that discussion. The Hokage was staring at him expectantly, her big hazel eyes scrutinizing him intensely, almost trying to see through him and Iruka had the distinct impression that she had wanted to hear something else. It made him uneasy.

“... Shouldn’t I?” the chuunin added a bit anxiously as the woman kept on staring at him.

“Oh! no, I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, Iruka-kun,” she said at once, as if it was the most obvious fact on Earth, but Iruka had his doubts about it; he could have sworn her face had shown the opposite moments ago. Which was quite alarming, when you thought about it.

“But...” the woman finally added, confirming Iruka’s suspicions, “You know, sometimes... You can feel okay and have something on your mind at the same time. Those things happen.”

At those words, Hatake Kakashi’s masked face broke out in his mind and the chuunin lowered his gaze, trying his best to chase it away. She couldn’t be talking about it. There was no way she could. How would she know anyway? No, this was linked to the rumor, he reminded himself once again.

“I understand, but I assure you that I’m fine,” Iruka tried to sound convincing, smiling for good mesure.

Tsunade obviously didn’t look satisfied with that answer. “Iruka... I want you to know that if you were to feel, hum, insecure or down for any reason, you could rely on me...”

“Thank you for caring about me,” Iruka bowed his head innocently, knowing far too well she expected him to confess something but not willing to play the game. Hell, he didn’t even know what she expected him to say and to say the truth, the thought of sharing - or rather confessing - what was on his mind to the supposedly uninterested and caring Hokage to get mental support wasn’t much of his taste. Relying on the Godaime? To clear his mind? Yeah right. More like satisfying her curiosity.

When Iruka wouldn’t had anything, the Hokage’s eyes narrowed dangerously and she stared at him with mild annoyement. Somehow, that reassured Iruka; he preferred an annoyed Godaime to a friendly Godaime - at least, he knew what to expect from an annoyed Tsunade.

“Okay, listen Iruka,” the blond woman started on a business-like tone that fitted more with her style, “I’m not stupid, you’re not stupid, so let’s stop pretending,” she paused to drink her cup of tea and, to Iruka’s amusement, she winced at the horrible taste. After she got over her horrible gustatory experience, she eyed suspiciously the teapot and emptied none too subtly the rest of her drink in the nearest pot plant. No wonder the plant in her office was in such a suspicious health!

“Of course, I would understand you wouldn’t want to talk about it...” she said tentatively, but Iruka remained silent. He didn’t know at all where this discussion was leading them but obviously, the Hokage seemed to think he knew what this meeting was about. The academy teacher decided not to correct the woman for now; he preferred playing the game and see where that would lead them. When the Godaime realized he wouldn’t speak up, she continued on a softer tone.

“I’ll be honest... I’m worried for you,” she confessed seriously and the chuunin frowned, feeling suddenly confused.

“Why is that so?”

“Come on Iruka, don’t play dumb with me,” the Hokage brushed off his comment with an annoyed gesture of her hand. “You’re far too bright to have not noticed the word is spreading through the whole village. Everyone is talking about it.”

Iruka mentally cursed his bad luck. Of course, he knew there was a rumor about him! He wasn’t stupid! But he had no idea what it was about, and now Tsunade was assuming he knew about it. Maybe it was a better idea to admit his ignorance and clear the misunderstanding already, afterall... But before he had time to answer anything, the Godaime spoke up again on a soft tone.

“I know it must be hard for you to have your love life exposed so openly... I fully understand how difficult the situation you’re in is.”

Heh? What? A love life? Him? What love life?

“Especially since it concerns someone as famous. I would understand if you wouldn’t want to talk about it, but...”

Wait, what situation? Someone famous? What was she talking about? Iruka stared at the older woman dumbly, oblivious to the true meaning of their discussion.

“...I’m concerned. You’re a nice guy Iruka, people appreciate you a lot and I really wouldn’t want you to get hurt in the process. Not that Kakashi would do something like that on purpose, of course...”

Hatake Kakashi.

Then, it hit Iruka. So that was what it was all about! Someone had discovered Kakashi-sensei was in love with him and the news had spred through the village! It made so much sense Iruka couldn’t believe he hadn’t figured it out before. The news was bound to spread anytime soon: even those girls in the bathhouse had said so. The chuunin sighed, relaxing imperceptibly.

“Well, it’s true that I would have preferred it to remain secret, but...” Iruka started off quietly, unsure exactly how to describe his current situation. “I think I’m better off than Hatake-sama... He’s the one who probably wouldn’t want something like that to be known...”

“Don’t say that!” Tsunade yelled angrily, her powerful fist slamming on the table in a loud bang, startling the chuunin. Iruka stared at her, dumbfounded. “Don’t you dare say something like that again! You shouldn’t think so lowly of yourself like that! It’s not because Kakashi’s a bit famous or stronger than you that you don’t have a chance!”

... Wait... wha...?

“Don’t give up before trying! You’re still young, go for it! You’ll never find out if he returns your feelings if you keep on thinking like that!”

“...return my... feelings...?” Iruka wispered in a white voice, his stunned brain trying to process the information he’s been given.

“He might, you know,” the Godaime calmed down a bit, bending over to get closer to the chuunin, her eyes filled with true concern. “It’s common knowledge that he swings both ways, so you do have a chance with him. If you want my advice, you should go for it. That Hatake kid would be stupid to turn you down,” she added the last sentence to herself silently.

“I’m... in love with Kakashi...?” Iruka stared in front of him blankly, information finaly proceeding. Tsunade gave him a sorry look, taking his shock for love-induced distress.

“Iruka, I know this must be hard for you, but if that’s the way you truly feel, then you should a least try to do something about it...”

The brown-haired chuunin stared at the low table, his face abnormally devoid of emotions. In front of him, Tsunade was silently watching him with concern, but Iruka couldn’t care less - he felt like he was milles away. Everything seemed so... distant. He felt like this wasn’t happening to him, but to his reflected image, somewhere in a far away other dimension. To someone else, somewhere else.

Like an automaton, the chuunin blankly excused himself and left the Hokage’s office. He simply walked, letting his feet lead him around - he didn’t care where to, he just walked.

Later on, Iruka wondered how he found himself staring at his front door. The brown-haired man blinked, realizing suddenly that the door wouldn’t open by itself. Slowly, he took his keys out of his pockets and unlocked the door, wondering inwardly how long he had been standing there in the cold night - because, somewhere between the Hokage’s tower and his apartment, night had crept out of nowhere.

Funny how time seemed twisted in those kind of situations.

Iruka unlocked his front door and entered his apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights as he closed the door behind him and slowly made his way to his dark bedroom. He threw himself on the cold bed, landing face down on his soft mat. The chuunin rested there for a while, his previous numbness turning into a sea of tangled up words and feelings as his mind finally digested its newest upsetting discovery.

Everyone believed he was in love with Hatake Kakashi.

How ironical.

Iruka snorted into his pillow. His snort slowly turned into a chuckle and, before he realized it, the brown-haired man was laughing out loud hysterically into his pillow, clenching it as if his life depended on it. For long minutes, he laughed in his dark bedroom, not even able to stop himself. When he finally calmed down, Iruka let out a strangled sigh and sat up, staring sadly at his maltreated pillow.

So this is what it was all about...? That’s why people talked so much about him? Because they thought he was in love with the famous Copy Nin?

It explained many things. It explained why he received those sorry looks. Those mocking laughs. Those strange, disgusted stares...

Somehow, that thought depressed him even more and he hugged his pillow for comfort, staring at the wall sadly.

Umino Iruka wasn’t stupid: he knew pretty well the whole village wouldn’t make such a deal out of his homosexuality. Of course, some would talk about it with unhealthy interest - some always did. But it wouldn’t cause such a huge commotion. The reason why people reacted like that when they saw him probably wasn’t because they overheard he was gay, but because they overheard he had a crush on the famous Hatake Kakashi. And somehow it hurt Iruka to think that people thought it was so scandalous or so ridiculous for him to love such a respected and famous man. Did they think a lowly chuunin, average-looking and boring man like him wasn’t worth someone like Hatake Kakashi? He knew he shouldn’t have cared and at some point he wondered why his mind focused so much on it, but he couldn’t help it and he had no idea why. And it hurt. To know that they thought he wasn’t worth him... It hurt. He knew he souldn’t have cared, but for some reason he did.

Then it hit him. What would his students’ parents think of him if they learned it? And his students? And... what would Naruto think of him?

Iruka cursed under his breath, clutching the pillow with more strength as his uncertainties and questions suddenly made him feel nauseous. He felt lost and lonely, so lonely... He wished there would be someone by his side to tell him this wasn’t happening, that it was all a very bad dream he had because he’d eaten too much before going to bed... Iruka snorted bitterly at the thought.

As if he had that luck.


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-Alternative ending-

This was the first ending I wrote, but in the end I didn’t like it enough to make it the official ending. And I didn’t want to waste it either, since I thought it was some kind of amusing. So it’s a fictive alternative ending - see it as a small bonus ;)


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“I’m... in love with Kakashi...?” Iruka stared in front of him blankly, information finaly proceeding. Tsunade gave him a sorry look, taking his shock for love-induced distress.

“Iruka, I know this must be hard for you, but if that’s the way you truly feel, then you should a least try to do something about it...”

The brown-haired chuunin stared at the low table, his face abnormally devoid of emotions. Tsunade stayed silent, watching him closely with concern. Poor Iruka, he looked like a ton just had it hit. He must have been still in denial...

“Hokage-sama... please excuse me,” the young man muttered in an equally controlled voice before getting up and heading for the door slowly. The Hokage watched him leave with worried eyes, not saying a word. She could have stopped him, but somehow the man was looking so pathetic she didn’t have the heart to. When she heard her office door close behind him, she sighed heavily.

Moments later, there was a soft knocking. Through the tea room’s opened door, Tsunade could see her office door slide open, Shizune’s head appearing through it. The blonde woman motioned her to enter silently, still thinking over the events of her small and almost one-sided discussion with the academy teacher. The brunette walked in, hesitant, closely followed by Gemna and a pouting Jiraiya.

“So?” the brown-haired woman asked hesitantly, obviously fearing for the worst at the desperate sight the Godaime was giving them. The older woman sighed.

“... My, the poor guy has it hard...” she finally answered wearily, feeling oddly sad for the younger man.

“Is that so?” Shizune asked back with interest, obviously as worried by that affair as her master.

“And he sounds like he’s still in denial about it too...”

“Oh my...” the assistant breathed out, mildly horrified. “That’s awful! With the whole village knowing...”

“I know,” the Hokage sighed sadly again.

“Is there anything we could do?” Genma tried asked in an unconcerned tone, hints of worry showing through his casual words. The bandana-wearing ninja was not particularly close to Iruka - in fact, he was only there because it was caught with the quite unpopular duty of protecting the Hokage for the week. But he knew Umino Iruka was quite a nice, if not a bit lonely guy and he felt a bit concerned about what was happening to him. Especially with all those jerks making a show of every aspects of his private life.

“Well, we might...”

“So why did you ask me to come around?” Jiraiya cut Tsunade harshly, speaking up from his remote corner of the room for the first time. “I’ve got nothing to do with this!”

“You!” The blonde woman’s head sprang around, her eyes flashing with renewed energy. “You’re close to Kakashi, aren’t you?”

“The Hatake brat?” Jiraiya’s eyebrow shot up with mild surprise. “Well, I guess you could say so.”

“Do you think Iruka’s got a chance?” Tsunade blurted out, griping the corner of the small table with anticipation.

“Heh? How the hell should I know?”

“You’re close to Kakashi! You should know his tastes, dammit!” Tsunade shouted angrily, getting impatient.

“Heh, I never said that I was his best buddy! You should ask Gai - no wait, that’d be wrong,” Jiraiya thought out loud, frowning in mild disgust. “I know! Ask his brat team - with all the time they spend around him, they must have a good idea what are his tastes.”

“We can’t do that,” was the blonde ninja’s fast answer.

“Why?”

“Because they’re way too close to Iruka. We wouldn’t what them finding we’re planning to match them together,” Tsunade sighed, obviously not pleased with the turning up of the events. Then, her face lit up. “But there is something we could do for Iruka...” She looked expectantly at Jiraiya. The white-haired man knew that look far too well... On the whole, it usually meant trouble for him.

“No... Oh no! No! There’s no freaking way I’m gonna try to convince that brat to go out with your Iruka,” the said man announced bluntly, crossing his arms in a determined way.

“Yes you will,” the Hokage let out dangerously between her clenched teeth.

“I won’t! Find yourself another solution!”

“Kakashi reads your books, right?” Genma suddenly spoke up casually, almost out of nowhere.

“Of course!” Jiraiya burst out with pride, “He’s one of my biggest fan!”

“You could include Iruka in one of your novels.”

“What!” The white-haired man spat out, shocked.

“You could create a character that would remind Kakashi of Iruka and, you know, have him having a romantic affair with another man,” Genma repeated very slowly, as if he was talking to a particularly stupid children. The three other people stared at him with strange looks on their faces, obviously deeply shocked and/or disturbed by that idea.

“Hurgh, that’s sick! I only write heterosexual romance!” Jiraiya finally burst out when he came to his senses, downright insulted.

“Well, you could make up a treesome with two men,” The bandana-wearing man suggested, shrugging. They all stared blankly at him again in a long awkward silence.

“...Or maybe not,” Genma muttered after a while, looking away.

“I... think it would be better to stick to our first plan,” Tsunade decided politely. Shizune nodded vigorously behind her, obviously relieved her master hadn’t seriously considered the other man’s disturbing idea.

“If you’re talking about that stupid idea where I have to convince Kakashi to date your Iruka-guy, then forget about your first plan because I’m not doing it,” Jiraiya spat out, almost sulking.

“It isn’t a request: it’s an order.”

“Oh yeah? I’d like to see you force me to,” the man replied bluntly.

“You see Jiraiya, I happen to have quite a few complains of feminine konoha residents about some white-haired old pervert peeping at the women’s bathhouse...” the blonde woman said off-handily, scrutinizing her fingernails with sudden interest. “If the said pervert was to be caught, I wonder what kind of punishment I should impose upon him...”

“Humph! If you think you’re going to blackmail me into-”

“More importantly, I wonder what would happen to that pervert’s ass if those feminine konoha residents were to find his identity... In any case, I wouldn’t want to be there at that precise moment...” she added on the same unconcerned tone, still gazing at her impeccable fingernails. Jiraiya’s shoulder fell as realization came to him.

“... Fine, I’ll do it,” Jiraiya finally grunted between his teeth, cursing inwardly his former teammate and her weird ideas.

“I knew you would come to your senses,” she replied him sweetly, smiling mischievously. The old man snorted for good mesure and left the room hastily, muttering darkly on his way out the office. He slammed the wooden door shut loudly, leaving Genma, Shizune and her sensei alone in the suddenly quiet room. They all remained silent for a few minutes, before Shizune spoke up her worries.

“Hokage-sama, are you sure this is... appropriate?”

“No, but it’s better than nothing,” she sighed.


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To be continued