Sassychan

Author’s Notes:

Hi there! Er, sorry for the rush, but gotta go! Thanks for waiting for this! Thanks you so much for those who had reviewed the last time and those who had reviewed recently. When I thought my life couldn’t get any busier than it actually was, it did.

Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string.

-Pele

DISCLAIMER:
I do not own Naruto.

Sassychan
By Boyarina

Chapter 28: Getting in their heads

He was a girl again. Do you want to know why? Well, let’ recap then, shall we? First, he came home as a guy but because Sakura gave teme a love potion for a drink, he had to turn into a girl so teme would not suddenly loose her virginity by mauling him right there in the living room. Secondly, he morphed back to his original male form right after Sakura’s confession to show her that he doesn’t have the EQ advantage that girls have over boys and that her confession actually upped the level of his entirely too blenderized emotions since that moment teme started French kissing him. Lastly, he convinced himself to turn back into a girl when Sasuke latched herself to his neck and began sucking on it for he nearly lost control and actually entertained the notion of returning back the arousing ministrations she was doing to him (which was so not right, not right at all!).

From boy to girl to boy and back to a girl again. It certainly was a wonder that his testosterones were not mistaking themselves to be estrogens. As for him, he generally would not have minded reverting from one gender to another (especially if it means getting Shino or Neji to instantaneously nosebleed), but today, he was making an exception. Actually, ever since he found out that teme’s technically a girl; he had not wanted to turn into a girl again. The reason for this was because it would just be plain weird. It would definitely be weird for him to be a girl and at the same time harbor a sort of butterfly, back-flipping sensation at the thought of a girl Sasuke.

A Sasuke whom he had been sitting on top of nearly a day ago.

Naruto rubbed the palms of his hands over his face to chase this memory away. It was bad enough that Sasuke was keen on raping him, but for him to add erotically stimulating evens to his worsening infatuation? He has got to openly admit that he was just plain stupid. If he had any sense at all, he should be keeping in mind that Sasuke was the teme whom he had been roughhousing before; that she had been a guy who had a dick like him; that she had been that insufferable prodigy who never missed a chance to grate on his nerves. Ergo, he should not take a fancy to her.

The validity of his statement should have solidified by the factuality of his reasoning. However, he was still ill at ease. It was nary even a second when he found that the picture he had painted to portray how ridiculous it was for him to take a liking to Sasuke was flawed by one very major detail:

He had always been utterly enamored by Sasuke—be it that she was either a guy or a girl.

Oh, crap.

Naruto was hoping that he would be able to get at least a wink of sleep tonight, but it would seem that this would never be the case. Any sleep inducing endomorphin he might have had in his bloodstream was summarily flushed down to his kidneys because of this teeth-rattling realization. Much to his frustration, he could no longer bury himself in a fitful slumber. He was completely wide awake and thus, was no longer comforted by the fact that he could temporarily forget that Sasuke had stuck her tongue down his throat and nearly raped him right there on the living room floor.

Naruto breathed a heavy sigh and angrily sat up. Then, he leaned backwards and hung his head to stare desolately at the ceiling.

“How the hell do I get you out of my head?” He muttered. Truth to be told, he found it really strange that he landed in a situation wherein he is forced to sort out his feelings for Sasuke. Can one imagine it? He was being tortured by a host of giddy and feathery sensations at the thought of Uchiha-teme Sasuke.

It wouldn’t have been that bad (maybe) if it was only his feelings for Sasuke that was being questioned. But, as fates would have it, he has to deal with Sakura’s revelation too. Now don’t you go running him through with a pitch fork yet for assuming that girls all over the place were just flat falling head-over-heels in love with him. Contrary to what you are thinking, he was just very confused as to why he was not mooning more about the fact that Sakura fell for him but hadn’t so much as lifted a finger to see if anything between them would work out, versus to why he was far greatly concerned over what would happen between him and Sasuke.

Ye Gods. He was not in love with Sasuke now was he?

Naruto clapped both hands over his face and fell back on the bed unceremoniously. He groaned and moaned and wished that someone would have the heart to knock him out cold.

“I have got to sleep!” he groused out loud, totally unaware that his wish was about to be granted.

00000000000000000000000

Yakushi Kabuto, now in the possession of the body of Razumi Shisio could not take anymore of Uchiha baasan’s rantings. For what seemed like forever, she had raved on about the extreme urgency of finding Sasuke-chan. When he had found her, she switched to demanding that he search for Sasuke’s Ally and Protector. Ever since that day he had walked amongst the land of the living Uchiha-baasan hounded him non-stop, the ringing pitch of her voice rattling his ear drum painfully. To add insult to injury, he even has to bear with the mushy, cheesy mumbo-jumbo that she kept talking about to describe Sasuke’s Ally.

“You have to find the perfect ally. She has to have a soft heart—a lady through and through. She has to be the one to help Sasuke accept and become a true woman. She has to help Sasuke realize her feelings and nurture her maternal instinct. She has to help Sasuke find the ideal man—a man whom she would not only truly love but would also have a good set of genes to pass onto the next Uchiha generation.”

For the most part of the days that Uchiha baasan has prattled on, she had been repeating herself. Frankly, because of this, one of Kabuto’s eyes would come close to being pinched shut whenever he gets a dose of the baasan’s lectures. Even a near-sighted person would be able to tell by the sour look on his face that he certainly was not very happy during these times. Once, he had tired to pull a Houdini on the baasan, but unfortunately she was too quick for him. Due to the stupidity of his actions, he only made the baasan’s k-47 machine gun even worse than ever.

“Are you trying to escape me, boy? Have you even understood anything that I’ve told you? Don’t you have a grain of reasonability in your skin? What kind of Savior are you? Ohhhhh…If I could only take the mark off you, I would! I should have known that anyone that goes by the name of Yakushi Kabuto is not a person that could be trusted! You are a living proof! Slinking from your duties! Is this how your mother raised you?”

Fairly unaccustomed to being verbally abused by an old (antiquated) woman (what did you expect? Orochimaru’s company was the only he had for the past ten years!) Kabuto pulled up short at Uchiha-baasan’s last comment. One part of his face began to twitch as he regarded the baasan with something akin to the mixture of hilarity and exasperation.

“Is there nothing that could at least slow down that mouth of yours, baasan?” he asked calmly. Uchiha-baasan spluttered at this, spraying his glasses with ectoplasmic saliva. He took them glasses off (such good and mighty shields that they are) and wiped them with the hem of his shirt to ready them for the next incoming ectoplasmic missiles the baasan had prepared to blast his way again.

“If you only had been doing your job like any sensible nin would, “ the baasan yelled, “I wouldn’t even have to use my voice box on you boy!” Following this outburst was the decking that she delivered to his poor noggin. “I’ll shut up once you have found my granddaughter’s Ally and Protector!”

Kabuto was about to object to the baasan’s accusation of him being an all-time bum but this was interrupted by Sakura’s arrival. From the expression on her face, Uchiha baasan was only too willing to ignore this. Sakura’s gentle raps on the door however suddenly had turned into insistent pounds. When he just stood there together with the baasan (because granny warned him with her eyes to stay where he was or else), the pounds transformed into thunderous beatings, which his door certainly do not deserve.

“My doors gonna get wrecked,” he said pointedly as the baasan persisted on her insistence of him to stay put, completely unperturbed to the abuse being delivered to his door. Granny Uchiha merely raised her eyebrows in a “Do I look like I care?” gesture. Irked, a frown nearly manifested itself on Kabuto;s face. But then, a realization regarding the ultimate fate of his door made him smile instead. A realization that if he brought to the baasan’s attention would surely grant him his freedom.

“Whoever is out there, once he breaks down the door, he will waltz right in.”

Granny opened her mouth to rebutt his remark thought she didn’t get very far with what she wanted to say for the sounds coming from the entrance of his humble abode had become deafening. She finally gave up after a few muttered curses and vanished.

“I am not finished with you boy!” She growled before disappearing all together.

Kabuto couldn’t help but sigh with relief the second she went. He vowed that before this day ends, he would do something so he could make sure he would never be exposed to the pitch of baasan’s voice ever again.

000000000000000000000000

He was able to make good use of Sakura’s visit (the rightful payment for what she had done to his innocent door). The instant he saw her on his doorstep, his mind immediately conjured the answer that would end his dispute with the baasan.

You see, since the baasan was so resolute on her demands for him to delegate Sasuke’s ally and protector the soonest time possible, Kabuto wouldn’t go and agonize over how he could accomplish persuading Konoha’s Hokage to be Sasuke’s ally. Neither would he have to risk his neck or get clobbered by Jiraiya considering that this other Sannin was the person whom his savior instincts were urging him to appoint as Sasuke’s protector. He, being a man who would rather not stay in torturous position, had decided to put his foot down and head for the easiest way out.

As you might already have realized, Kabuto had made up his mind to make Sakura the ally and since Naruto was part of team 7, he by default would be Sasuke’s protector. If the baasan would not give him the time and the chance to obtain the best support system for Sasuke, Sasuke’s teammates would just have to do. The possibility of Uchiha baasan being dissatisfied over these choices was great, but then again he could always rub it in her face that she had never ceased on nagging him to hurry up, thus costing him his effectiveness.

Sakura was definitely not the perfect candidate to be Sasuke’s Ally. In fact, despite his initial resolution, Kabuto had major misgivings when he learned of the reason for Sakura’s visit. He detained her stay as long as possible and interviewed her most thoroughly. After several hours of spending time with her, he had concluded that at least 50% of her qualifications have met the requirements of being an ally.

She was strong and fiercely loyal to Sasuke. When it comes to the aspect of femininity, she wasn’t that very lady-like as she tended to resort to physical abuse to avenge the wrong that had been done to her. More so, he believes that she might even prove as a hindrance as she has this little-eensy-teensy attraction to Naruto—the very same teenager to whom Sasuke was undoubtedly feeling something for.

“This root was said to change the personality of a person, What if this Sasuke changes the second you let him drink the potion?” he had asked at one point.

Legs spread apart, one hand on her waist and the other fisted in front of her (akin to an Amazonian woman, or worse, the stance of a man), Sakura replied with gusto, “I would take Sasuke in whatever size, shape or form!”

That settled it for him. He followed her home discreetly to a) get a front row viewing of a love-potion-medicated-Sasuke communing with a Sakura who has no idea Sasuke was actually female and a Naruto who would realize it all too late that Sasuke drank a love potion; and b) set Naruto and Sakura’s fate to become Sasuke’s protector and ally.

A comedy of errors was what turned out to be. Sakura let a female Sasuke drink a love potion, thinking that she was a male. Female Sasuke confesses her true gender to Sakura. Naruto arrives and gets molested by Sasuke who then was high in love potion. Sakura reveals her previous attraction to Naruto. Naruto practically went bonkers. Kabuto couldn’t help but pity Naruto after the whole fiasco subsided.

When the night has finally arrived, Kabuto stationed himself in the most remote location outside of the house, a place he was quite sure no passerby would find his unconscious body. He needed to meditate and get inside of Naruto’s and Sakura’s head in order to incorporate to them the signature of the Protector and the Ally. His physical body would be defenseless during this time that was why he was taking a careful measure not to be seen.

This was not to say that his spiritual being would be safe from either Sakura or Naruto’s mind, If he has a true gauge of their loathing for anybody who came from the hidden village of sound, Naruto and Sakura would attack him the instant they catch even just a glimpse of his hide. On the bright side, at least he would only be taking on a she-jounin and a he-anbu instead of two Sannins. Sure, Naruto maybe the Kyuubi vessel, but then, Naruto hadn’t yet realized his full powers yet, right?

Right?

Oh, well, he would cross that stream when he gets there.

000000000000000

Okay here’s is the thing, there isn’t much in this chapter but more to come! I promise!