Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: July 29th 2006, Saturday
second version: September 23rd 2008, Tuesday

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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30: Brothers

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Kakashi sat on the sidewalk some five minutes from his house; at least it was five minutes if you walked leisurely like Kakashi had done when he got there. It would take much less time if you drove a car, of course; even with the speed limits. It was dark and chilly, but Kakashi was dressed for the occasion and just enjoyed the evening. The sky was brilliant with too many stars to count. You rarely saw that in the city. Sasuke was an idiot for not seeing the beauty of this place. Though maybe he was starting to.

Kakashi had come to meet up with Iruka, or rather, catch him before he got home. Unfortunately, they would have to go for a walk and do some talking talk. Kakashi didn’t really want to do some talking. He would rather not do anything at all about this; wanted it to just be nice and sort itself out without anyone getting upset. In his mind, it wasn’t a problem. None of it. Really. He didn’t mind one bit that his kid and Iruka’s kid were going out, dating, fooling around or whatever it was that they were doing. It was their business. It came with the age; dating and all. There may be some special circumstances here and there, but that was what made life interesting, right? Not everything being the same all the time.

But Iruka wouldn’t like it. It wasn’t that the man was unreasonable… Well, maybe he was; a little. But it wasn’t because he was against Sasuke dating Naruto; it was just that it wasn’t what he had planned. Iruka liked his life planned. He liked to plan his life and then he wanted things to go according to those plans. He didn’t like sudden surprises or changes, because he made his plans for a reason, to get the best possible outcome. Oh, alright, he wasn’t just a little unreasonable. But Kakashi knew that it was never about anything other than what was best for Naruto and for the family. Unreasonable or not, Iruka only had the best intentions.

It had been a bit tough on them since Kakashi and Sasuke moved here; they had had a long break not long after the move and since then they had been cautious. Both Kakashi and Iruka agreed that they wouldn’t tell the kids about their relationship until they knew for sure that it was going to work and that this was what they wanted to do. They were starting to get there.

Iruka had told Kakashi now that he really wanted this. He wanted them, the four of them, to be a family. He wanted Kakashi to be his partner and the kids to be their kids, brothers. He had worried about Sasuke and Naruto at first but now they were getting along. Iruka had told Kakashi that he always wanted Naruto to have a brother or a sister. ‘Siblings are the best gift you can give a child,’ Iruka had said. ‘Because that way they won’t be alone.’ He had been smiling when he said it. There had been traces of sadness in his eyes, Kakashi had noticed, but not enough to make it anything but a genuine smile. Iruka had been smiling, but Kakashi had shivered. It was a nice thought, but Kakashi had gotten cold shivers down his spine.

He hadn’t told Iruka anything about Sasuke or what had happened to make the boy an orphan. He wasn’t allowed to, because of the rules for foster parents meeting kids with difficult backgrounds, but he didn’t want to either, because of his own rules; Sasuke would get to decide if or when to tell. Part of Kakashi was sorry, even though he knew that Iruka understood; he was especially sorry when he thought that if Iruka knew he might understand Sasuke better and make different plans.

Sasuke didn’t want to be a family like Iruka wanted to be a family. He didn’t want a brother. It wasn’t about Iruka or Naruto, not this family in particular; he just couldn’t stand the thought of a normal family life. He had convinced himself that it was fake and that he hated it, to stay sane. Even though he hadn’t made any real attempts to break them up (he wasn’t mean like that), Kakashi was sure that just the thought of him being serious with Iruka, or anyone, made Sasuke’s skin crawl and his insides itch. Kakashi understood. Sasuke had good reasons.

But Kakashi wanted that family too. It wasn’t in spite of Sasuke’s feelings, but in a way it was because of them.

A car turned the corner and drove onto the street where Kakashi was waiting and Kakashi recognized it. He stood up and took a few steps out into the street. The car slowed down and the light from the headlights decreased in intensity. Kakashi smiled when the car stopped and the door at the driver’s seat opened.

“Kakashi?” Iruka sounded surprised and stepped out as Kakashi approached the vehicle. “What are you doing here? Where are the kids?”

Kakashi faked thoughtfulness and hummed.

“In bed, I believe. And I’m here because it’s a pretty night and I wanted to meet you. Hey, baby.”

Iruka still looked confused and unconvinced, even as he answered Kakashi’s three kisses of greeting.

“Alright,” he said. “But I don’t buy it. What’s going on? Are the kids really fine?”

“The kids are just fine,” Kakashi assured, because that much he was sure of. He grabbed a hold of Iruka and spun them both around slowly. Put his head on Iruka’s shoulder. For a while they spun around and Iruka’s hands came up to rest on Kakashi’s shoulders. Kakashi waited to speak until he had savored enough the closeness of the man to last him through the period of rejection that was bound to follow.

“Try not to get too upset,” Kakashi said and Iruka came to a stop, not letting himself be spun any more.

“About what? What happened? What’s wrong?”

“They’re more than just friends.”

Iruka got stiff as the trunk of a tree.

“More than...?” his voice, very serious, trailed off.

“Yes.”

It was quiet for a moment and they didn’t move, Kakashi keeping his hold on Iruka and Iruka not trying to get away. When the moment was over however, the man pushed away with such ease that it seemed like Kakashi hadn’t been holding onto him at all.

“Hell!” Iruka snarled and kicked at Kakashi’s legs. Because he needed something to kick after and he knew that Kakashi would dodge.

“I knew it! It was just too much to ask for, wasn’t it? Those two getting along this well, there just had to be a catch!”

Iruka kept moving around as he shouted out his rant, turning around; lashing out at this thing or that thing, things that didn’t even exist; at least not physically. He didn’t look at Kakashi.

“Why!? Why the hell can’t this just work out!?”

Saying that Kakashi had been surprised the first time he witnessed Iruka throwing a fit was an understatement. It had been more than surprising. The man was supposed to be composed and organized, happy and all that. He was stern, a teacher after all; but always fair and reasonable. Always loving.

When Iruka had told Kakashi that Naruto used to drive him crazy all the time when he was younger, Kakashi hadn’t realized exactly what Iruka being crazy meant. He’d visualized some situation where Naruto kept adding candy to the shopping cart at the store and Iruka whined about it, unable to put his foot down and just say ‘enough’.

Ooh, how wrong he had been. ‘Iruka being crazy’ really meant that Iruka was crazy. Kakashi hadn’t just been surprised; for a moment there, he had been scared; worried that his lover had snapped and needed immediate mental care. But, at the same time, it had made a scary amount of sense. All that organization and composure really should have some craziness to balance things. When Kakashi had gotten over the initial shock and realized that Iruka hadn’t gone insane, he had been happy and had loved the man even more.

When he ran out of angry words Iruka squat down on the street and covered the sides of his head with his hands. His hard breathing could be heard even with the engine of the car still running and the headlights cast shadows around them both. Eventually he got back up; he took a deep breath, walked back to the car and turned the keys to shut off the engine. Then he closed the door, locked it and turned to Kakashi.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.

“Yeah,” Kakashi said and smiled softly.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how Sasuke would react to being on the receiving end of one of those fits of anger. It had to be hilarious. He wanted to see it. He wanted this thing to work out. Not just so that he could see Sasuke being yelled at by Iruka for doing something stupid, but because he wanted to see all those other things too. He wanted Christmases together. Vacations, afternoons, evenings, weekends. And mornings! Just imagine the mornings. Everyone getting ready, having breakfast. Iruka yelling at Sasuke to get out of bed so he wouldn’t be late for school. Kakashi would be yelled at too, he supposed.

Kakashi wanted those normal things together that Sasuke claimed he hated. He would never force a feeling of family on the child, but Kakashi hoped that if it went gradually enough Sasuke wouldn’t even notice. And Kakashi was sure it would be good for him, for his soul and his peace of mind; part of the healing process, even Tsunade had said so. Sasuke’s feelings towards normal families were based on a tragic, horrible happening that in no way was what usually happened. His fear was understandable but not realistic. Kakashi didn’t want his child to grow up and feel that tragedy befell everyone who dared to settled down with someone and raise children.

“What do we do?” Iruka asked.

They had walked following the sidewalk first, away from the car and away from their houses. Then they had made some turns and some more turns and Kakashi’s sense of direction told him that they would end up back at the car eventually. At the moment they were following a dirty road along the edge of a field that had been harvested.

“What do you want to do about it?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka frowned.

“This is not just about me. What about you? What do you want?”

“I want to leave them alone.”

“But... They’re brothers!” Iruka exclaimed and threw out his arms. “At least they’re supposed to be. If we do this, they will be brothers and...

“They don’t know that,” Kakashi interrupted, frustrated.

“We do,” Iruka said.

“This is not about us.”

“Of course not, I know that.”

“We can’t... decide what they do, not with something like this.”

“If they become brothers, they can’t...”

“Sasuke wouldn’t...” But Kakashi stopped himself and sighed.

“What?” Iruka asked.

“Nothing, I just... Why not? Why can’t they? If they love each other...”

“They’re fifteen years old!” Iruka exclaimed and sounded angry. “Are you still together with the one you “loved” when you were fifteen? Did you have a nice breakup? If we do this, they will be stuck together. Even if their “love” ends and they feel they want to never see each other again, they will always be connected through us. You can’t get away from your family.”

Iruka sounded sad now, pleading.

“I just don’t want them to get hurt. What will we do if they become the worst enemies? What sides will we chose if they hurt each other? This is not something we can just ignore.”

“It makes Sasuke happy,” Kakashi said.

Iruka looked surprised. He knew what Kakashi meant, didn’t need any explanation, he just couldn’t believe he was hearing it.

“You would…?” Iruka began, but he didn’t finish.

It got quiet again, the only sound being their feet on the dirt. The words stayed away until the dirt road ended and the asphalt came back.

“You would choose his happiness over your own,” Iruka said, but sounded neither angry nor agitated. “You would choose him over me if it came to that; their relationship over ours.”

His arm came snaking around Kakashi’s and he pulled himself closer.

“If I thought one wouldn’t work if the other did,” Kakashi said softly and braided his fingers together with Iruka’s. “But I don’t. I think both relationships are good for him.”

“But it’s...”

“I know they’re fifteen,” Kakashi interrupted gently. “I know their relationship is practically doomed to fail, but... I don’t think it’s just hormones. I think Naruto is so much more important to Sasuke than the girl I dated when I was fifteen was to me.”

“Maybe it’s not just hormones,” Iruka admitted. “But it’s the hormones that are going to mess things up for them. I know what it’s like; just remembering my teens makes me shudder.”

Kakashi smiled and Iruka did too, shaking his head.

“And remembering your teens,” Kakashi said. “How much of a chance would you say we have to talk them into giving up this love business and become just friends instead?”

Iruka snorted in amusement and half-horror at that.

“When you put it that way...” he muttered.

“Let’s just leave them alone,” Kakashi said. “They’re just in love, it could have been so much worse. At least they’re not beating each other up anymore.”

“Yet.”

“Come on,” Kakashi pulled Iruka’s head closer. “We’ll deal with the trouble when it comes. If it comes. It’s not like they’re related; not even to us.”

“I suppose,” Iruka said. “It’s just…”

“Not what you had planned?”

“No, it’s not. I just… I really wanted Naruto to have a brother.”

“You don’t know that he won’t. Two years from now they could be broken up, recovered from the breakup and the best brothers you can imagine.”

That Sasuke would have nuclear-like breakdowns for who knew how long until he was finally ready to accept a new brother was something Kakashi chose to not say.

“I hope you’re right,” Iruka said and cuddled closer. They walked together for a while before he spoke again. “Maybe you’re a better father than I am. You love that child so much.”

“Nah,” Kakashi mumbled. “I’m too much of a pushover to be a good father.”

Iruka laughed.

“You’re not a pushover.”

“I am. Just look at the kid and all his bad habits. I’m a horrible father.”

But Kakashi was smiling. He may be a horrible father, but Iruka was a good one and if they were together it was fine.

“You’re not a horrible father,” Iruka said. “You know that. You’re here, aren’t you? Both of you. Alive.”

“Because of you,” Kakashi said. “We make a good team.”

Iruka smiled and they looked at each other.

“We do, don’t we?”

“Definitely,” Kakashi said. “Kids need balance. I’m the nice parent and you’re the mean parent.”

Iruka laughed again.

“Oh, I’m the mean parent?”

Kakashi stopped and drew Iruka into his arms; held him there. Hard.

“Yeah, you’re my mean parent. You will nag when they don’t do their homework and I will buy them beer.”

“You’re not buying beer for our teenagers!” Iruka protested, but Kakashi heard the amusement in his voice. When he continued it was more serious though. “And no more cigarettes either, Sasuke is going to stop smoking.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi agreed. Iruka’s arms had wrapped around him too and things felt better. When standing still got too cold they kissed and let go and started walking again.

“How did you get along with Gaara, by the way?” Iruka asked after some five, ten minutes of walking hand in hand without speaking. Kakashi’s sense of direction told him they should be back at the car soon. “You haven’t met him before, have you?”

“The redhead? Oh, I liked him. He had this bit of a devilish look in his eyes.”

Iruka laughed.

“You should have met him when he first came here. I swear, he’s an angel now in comparison.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yes,” Iruka smiled but there was a sudden solemnity and sadness to it. “Everyone was scared of him at first, and I suppose the fear was justified. He almost killed poor Lee.”

“Lee? Gai’s Lee?”

“Yes. You’ve met Lee and Gai?”

“We work together, sort of, me and Gai.”

Kakashi cleared his throat. He definitely thought it was better not to mention the details about how he met Lee. At least not now.

“Oh, I see. We’ve known each other for a long time. Lee and Naruto played a lot when they were younger. But Lee was in real bad shape for a while there, it was really a miracle that he recovered. The doctors thought he would be crippled for life.”

“Wow,” Kakashi said. And it really was ‘wow’. He’d seen Lee fight and never would have guessed the scrawny redhead capable of beating him. He supposed appearances really were deceiving.

“When was that? And what changed?”

“A couple of few years ago. I never heard any details but I think Naruto had a lot to do with the change in Gaara. He’s never been reasonable enough to listen to fear, and he was so furious when Lee got hurt. They became friends after that. Gaara and Lee are even dating now.”

“Ha! I knew that,” Kakashi grinned. “Right when they walked through the door, it was so obvious. And maybe Naruto can work some magic on my bad boy too then.”

“Yeah,” Iruka smiled, then he frowned. “Lee came over too?”

Kakashi realized his ‘not telling the whole truth’ was getting a bit complicated. What could he say? ‘Yeah, because he knew Gaara would be with Naruto, Lee came home with me and Sasuke after the fight I didn’t want to tell you about’?

“Yeah,” he smiled and hoped Iruka would leave it at that.

“Oh.”

Unfortunately Iruka’s frown stayed.

“I wonder when he came... He wasn’t there when I called.”

“Anyway,” Kakashi cleared his throat. “They’ve already left, together, hours ago.”

“Oh.”

They walked a few steps more, then Iruka stopped. Kakashi stopped a few steps after him, frowned and turned.

“What?”

“Naruto and Sasuke are home alone?” Iruka was looking down, his face hidden in shadows.

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, confused. “Why?”

The second he asked though, he knew the answer, remembering a talk he’d had with Iruka once when the man was drunk and whimpering over his teenage years. He had told Kakashi that he had promised himself to make sure Naruto never got that stupid. ‘When he starts dating I won’t let him be alone with anyone until we’ve had a Talk.’ Kakashi hadn’t even known people still did that, gave their kids Talks, but Iruka had sounded so desperate when he begged ‘hold me to it!’, that Kakashi had had no choice but to promise. Oops.

Well, Iruka didn’t kill him; though he swore a lot and ran half the way back to the car, yelling about teenage hormones and a total lack of self-discipline and proper protection. ‘Has Sasuke-kun had a Talk yet?’ he yelled over his shoulder. It didn’t make Iruka happier when Kakashi told him that the “kids” had been alone for hours already (‘so there’s no need to hurry back to stop them!’) but at least it stopped his running.

And when the running stopped, Kakashi could talk. Tell Iruka how he was sure that Sasuke and Naruto knew what they were doing. Or rather, what they shouldn’t be doing. They were smart kids. When Iruka mentioned the horrible teenage hormones again, Kakashi did his best to convince him that they were only fifteen. How bad could it get? Though the ‘at least there’s no risk of anyone getting pregnant,’ argument turned out to be a bad one.

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