A Troublesome Series of Events

Eventually they reached their destination, Naruto having cringed and winced, being held back by Sasuke through most of the short journey.

“See? He didn’t need your help, dobe.” Sasuke said, pushing Naruto through the door amid much heartfelt whining about not helping.

Shikamaru chuckled, looking back at them. "I really am fine, Naruto. Do you think I'd pass up a ride if I wasn't?" he asked. "Besides, we're home anyway, so stop worrying about it."

Naruto crossed his arms, pouting. Sasuke wondered just how the blond could go from being so sexy, crawling on all fours towards Shikamaru, to this petulant child.

“Maybe we shouldn’t fool around then…” Naruto said, reflecting. “We could watch a movie or something. Play some games.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Shikamaru shrugged, not caring much either way. "Either way, there's nothing stopping just you two from doing anything," he pointed out.

Naruto blushed a little, before shaking his head.

“No, that wouldn’t be fair to you and besides it would be a weird to do that and know you wouldn’t join in or anything…”

“More like you’re afraid to be left alone with just me. Wuss.” Sasuke said, moving beyond the blond.

Shikamaru smirked, shaking his head a little. "Ah, not even sure if you two would be good enough to distract me from the pain," he said, teasing, mocking, and shifting his gaze to Sasuke.

“Really now?” He saw Naruto’s flushed face, the boy embarrassed but upon meeting his eyes, determined. He smirked wider. “I think we’re both willing to try, if you’re willing to receive.”

Shikamaru's smirk widened and he let out another chuckle. "I guess I'll let you two try," he said, voice still mocking and condescending though his expression was anything but.

Sasuke moved up, sliding a hand over Shikamaru’s hips, resting at his lower back. He moved even closer, nibbling at Shikamaru’s neck before leading up to his ear. He nuzzled the lobe before nibbling up the shell lightly.

“Good, my other thought was getting Naruto to masturbate for us and that seems like too much work, even for me.”

"Mm, I'm sure you could get him to do that if you bought him a month’s supply of ramen," Shikamaru muttered, smirk softening into a smile.

“Mhm, maybe if you pitched in.” Sasuke said, nipping at Shikamaru’s jaw before kissing him, slipping his hand down and gently squeezing one cheek.

“H-hey, I am still here you guys!” Naruto said, flushing at their conversation.

Shikamaru returned the kiss lightly before breaking it and looking over at Naruto. "So why aren't you joining in then?" he asked, teasing.

“You should do it one day though.” Sasuke said, smirking. Naruto blushed heavier, coming up behind Shikamaru.

“Why would you wanna see me masturbate? You guys have done it too.” He said, moving closer. He wrapped his arms around Shikamaru’s waist, nuzzling his neck before nipping.

Shikamaru glanced back at Naruto from the corners of his eyes, smirking lightly. "Because," he said, turning his head to whisper in the blond's ear, "you're sexy."

Naruto flushed brighter than ever, burying his face in the crook of Shikamaru’s neck. Sasuke chuckled, pushing forward until his pelvic and stomach touched Naruto’s arms. He reached his other hand down to Shikamaru’s hemline and under, squeezing and massaging at both cheeks, rubbing his knuckles against Naruto through the material of their clothing.

Shikamaru shivered and nuzzled lightly against the side of Naruto's head, closing his eyes and smiling into the bright yellow hair.

Naruto shivered, pushing against Sasuke a bit before feeling a slight breeze. He froze, remembering the door. He nosed deeper against Shikamaru.

“…Door…” He unwound his arms reluctantly, stepping away from the two and closing the door. He fidgeted, eyes fixed on the movement of Sasuke’s hands down Shikamaru’s pants.

“Maybe we should head to the bedroom…”

Shikamaru opened his eyes when Naruto pulled away, gaze following him. He nodded, turning his head back towards Sasuke. "It'd be more comfortable, too."

Sasuke sighed, pulling his hands back after one last playful squeeze.

“Alright, to the bedroom then.” He said, pulling completely away from Shikamaru and heading in that direction. Naruto walked up beside Shikamaru, waiting for him.

“….Do you really think that?”

"Hm? Of course it'll be more comfortable in there," Shikamaru said, smirking, knowing that's not what Naruto had meant.

Naruto pouted at the other, poking him in the ribs but feeling too insecure to question him again. He was saved from probably being outed in his embarrassment and shyness by his all-seeing-and-knowing genius boyfriend when Sasuke made a noise of annoyance from the bedroom, followed by the sound of tearing wrappers.

“Hey, let’s go see what’s got Sasuke-teme so worked up!” Naruto said, grabbing Shikamaru’s hand and tugging him towards the bedroom.

Shikamaru suppressed the urge to sigh and let himself be dragged (again) by the blonde, going into the bedroom and automatically closing the door behind him.

Sasuke turned at seeing them, sitting on the bed with his legs crossed under him. He’d taken his shirt off but was still wearing his leather pants. Naruto wondered how in the hell Sasuke could bend his legs with those tight things on.

Then his eyes found all the things littering the bed around Sasuke, wrapping paper a small pile next to the pale Uchiha’s left knee, a tube like package at Sasuke’s mouth, wear his teeth were set to rip the offensively bright paper away and show the offensively lewd toy it disguised. He reached to his right and wordlessly tossed a folded note towards the two, tearing into the thing and revealing a set of spheres each as big as two golf balls and attached by string.

“From Jiraiya.”

Shikamaru blinked, face slowly heating up in a flush as he realized what it was. He tore his eyes away from it and glanced at the note, picking it up.

...Well, he was going to go out of his way to avoid the sannin the couple of days, that's for sure.

Naruto, uncomprehending what Sasuke had opened, was more taken in by all the other more obvious things around him. Various objects, many with some kind of battery and most in the vague shape of long and for penetration. He flushed as he saw something covered in feathers. Hoping beyond hope it was meant to stay out of all holes.

He reached for the note, taking it from Shikamaru, scanning it. His face emptied of blood as he read, before filling up again in a blush.

Dear happy little threesome:

I thought you all would appreciate some of the various toys I’ve found, as well as experienced, through my vast amounts of traveling the world. From how long it took Sasuke to get up again I’m guessing you’re all a little low in stamina. Amateurs. Many of my presents will help you prolong your indulgences as well as enhance the experience. I recommend the feathers for Sasuke; I saw how sensitive he was when the Nara touched his back and the bondage set for Naruto of course. Shikamaru would do well with anything.

You were all wonderful inspiration. I’ll send you my next book as commemoration.

The Toad Sage

Naruto gagged.

Shikamaru had trouble breathing for a second, face bright with a blush. He rescanned the note, holding back a shudder and glanced at the various toys.

"I... wouldn't touch anything if it doesn't look new," he said, voice a slight octave higher.

Sasuke nodded, picking up another package and ripping it open. Another set of anal beads, this time a little smaller and with little bells inside that jingled as Sasuke put it down amongst the other toys.

“Wait a minute… Jiraiya said feathers for Sasuke because…” Naruto looked at Sasuke, who had paused, a package longer than his forearm held within his hands, “of how sensitive he was?”

Shikamaru glanced over at Naruto, a smirk growing on his face as he nodded. "Mnhm," he said with a nod, looking over at Sasuke again. "Give him an innocent back massage and I'm sure he'd orgasm quite easily."

Sasuke flushed, tearing into the package and tossing it to the side without really looking. Naruto smirked, laughing lowly.

“Really now?” He stepped forward, Sasuke tensing but refusing to back away. Naruto leaned in, reaching out and running a hand up Sasuke’s spine lightly. The raven haired boy bit his lip, his spine arching all the way up with Naruto’s guiding finger like an orchestrated wave. Naruto almost giggled, running his hand back down, amused as Sasuke shuddered and arched again, his back muscles twitching.

“Awesome.” The blond had completely forgotten about Jiraiya and the sex toys in light of this new discovery.

Shikamaru chuckled, smirk still playing across his lips as he just leaned back against the dresser and watched the too, arms crossed over his chest.

Sasuke batted Naruto’s hand away when the blond attempted running his hand up a third time, turning so his chest was to Naruto and back away, scowling.

“A man over fifty years old sends us a pile of gift wrapped sex toys that he might have used personally, and you’re more interested in that?” He asked incredulously. Naruto looked at the numerous things littered around Sasuke the way a child is surrounded by gifts at Christmas. He blanched, snickered, and then turned away.

“I’d rather focus on you than on…” he waved his hand at the toys in example, reaching to pet Sasuke’s back again, leaning forward. He was met with something long and ridged, a flood of neon green in his eyes before it passed his eyes and collided with his forehead. He blinked, looking down at the object, holding it up in sickened fascination.

“Did you just throw a dildo at me?”

"And a ten inch one it looks like at that," Shikamaru said, still not moving except for the fact that his body was shaking slightly in laughter. If nothing else, he could (mentally) thank Jiraiya for a good laugh.

“Yes. Yes, I did. Now come on dobe, help me throw this all away.” Sasuke snapped, tossing a long string of anal beads at the boy. They landed as he’d intended, getting caught by the green toy and spinning to wrap around the blond’s neck.

Shikamaru stayed at his place against the dresser, really not wanting to touch any of the toys. Just in case. Though some of them looked damn interesting. ...What the hell was that one, anyway?

Naruto grimaced, feeling like a pack animal as Sasuke threw some bar thingy with hooks or something on both sides. He didn’t have time to examine it further as something else came at him, quickly moving it to be held between his thighs while thrusting the dildo out and catching a horrendously skimpy black thong on one end, reaching out for the other set of beads thrown at him while doing that. He wrapped them around his wrist like a bracelet, holding up the green toy like a flag of truce, ignoring how his ‘flag’ wasn’t white.

“Hey, hey, why are we throwing it all away?” He asked, picking the thong off the end of the toy. “Some of this looks fun, doesn’t it?”

Shikamaru could help but let a snicker slip at how Naruto looked, piled with sex toys like he was. He kept quiet though at the question, silently agreeing with the blond even though...

...

...Jiraiya.

Sasuke scowled, throwing a foot long paddle with cheetah print at the dobe, who caught it in his free hand, anal beads jangling, black thong hanging from his pinky finger.

“Yeah, but Jiraiya gave it to us.” He said, about to throw another long object at the blond, who immediately cowered, having no free hands. He instead threw another article of clothing at the boy, the banana hammock a florescent pink on top of his golden locks.

“So? We can sterilize it and it will be all good, or just give it away.” Naruto said, shaking his head to dislodge the offensive material, making a dismayed sound as it caught on one of his spikes.

“And who would want these things?”

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, looking at Sasuke. "Are you kidding me? Kiba would probably be our personal slave if we gave him this much sex stuff," he said, then muttered, "Even more so if we gave him details about it."

Sasuke cringed, but nodded. Naruto made a whining noise, dropping the stuff in his hands onto the bed, pulling the man thong off his head.

“Come on, some of this does look fun though!” he held up the bar that had been between his legs for show. Sasuke snorted.

“You don’t even know what that’s used for.” Naruto flushed.

“So! It still looks cool…"

Shikamaru smirked and gave a shrug. "I don't care what you guys decide to do, as long as I don't have to touch anything that looks like it's been used," he said, giving a small shake with his head.

Sasuke opened his mouth to object, but upon seeing Naruto giving him his best puppy dog eyes with quivering lip, his pathetically quivering throat setting the anal beads bells off, he couldn’t help almost laughing.

“Fine, you can keep some.” Naruto cheered, his flailing arm making even more jingles.

“Hey Shika, how do you tell something’s been used?” Naruto asked, picking up the black thong, stretching out his fingers so that it was fully exposed, examining it and finding nothing he though gave it away as being used.

"If it's got any stains on it," Shikamaru replied. "Or if there are any tears, scratches or other marks. Or if something feels slimy, then I'd most definitely never touch it again if I were you."

Naruto shrugged, tossing it onto the pile. He unwound the beads from his neck and wrist, tossing them onto the mound as well. He pushed it all in Shikamaru’s direction, grinning.

“Okay, you check then. You can be the official toy checker!” He said, laughing. Sasuke smirked, pushing the rest in Shikamaru’s direction as well.

“Oh yes, I think he is, since he seems to know so much about them.” He stood up, heading for the door before there could be any objections. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Shikamaru's eye twitched slightly and he scowled in Naruto's direction. "I'm not the one who insisted on keeping them," he said, still a little freaked out by it all.

Naruto smiled, sitting back and wriggling his toes.

“No, but you didn’t say you didn’t want to keep them, and besides, if you let me be the toy checker then you’ll end up using a dildo that’s been up the pervy sage’s ass.”

Shikamaru suppressed a shudder and heaved a sigh and rubbed an eye with the heel of his palm, nodding slightly. "Fine, but if anything obviously has been used, I'm swearing off of sex for a while," he muttered before starting to look through the pile.

Naruto clapped, smirking at Shikamaru as he began delving into the pile.

“So what does the bar thingy do anyway?” He asked in a low whisper, darting his eyes to the door to make sure Sasuke wasn’t there to hear. He held it up, fiddling with one of the hooks things on the side.

Shikamaru glanced over at him, looking up from inspecting a weirdly shaped dildo. "It's a spreader bar," he responded. "You put leather cuffs on the hooks and put your hands or feet in them. Usually feet. For, er, easier access."

Naruto’s eyes grew wide, peering closely at it.

“Really? That’s pretty smart. Do they like, hire people to think up these things?” He looked at Shikamaru, smirking in a more devious manner now. “How do you know what it is, Shi-ka-mar-u?” He asked, drawing the name out across his tongue as he held up the bar.

Shikamaru blushed and shook his head. "I've never used any sex toys," he said. "I... I've read things, though. And you don't hang around Kiba without picking some things up."

Naruto suddenly broke whatever mood he’d been building by practically giggling, poking Shikamaru with one end of the spreader bar.

“You, reading smut?” His giggling turned into snickers, one hand holding his belly as he laughed. “That’s gotta be the funniest sight ever!”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, pushing the bar away from him. "Whatever, it's not like I'm like Kakashi about it," he muttered, blush starting to fade a little.

“Oh really? But you have read Icha Icha?” Naruto leaned in, curious now. He’d never pegged Shikamaru to be the closet pervert.

Shikamaru shrugged slightly. "I've read one, and it wasn't bad, but it didn't really interest me," he said.

Naruto snorted, leaning back.

“Of course not, they’re all filled with scenes that would never happen in real life. Fantasies. If I wanted to read smut, it would be more of a turn on to know it could actually happen to me. I’m not going to pay for someone writing out something that I could have thought up myself.”

Shikamaru chuckled and nodded. "I'm sure the past couple of years had you desensitized to his works anyway, right?" he asked, turning his attention back to the toys, wanting to get it over with.

“When you’ve spent more than two years correcting the misspellings he’d make while drunk, you would to. Penis does not end with a z, no matter how many bottles of sake you drink.” Naruto grumbled, crossing his arms. It was then Sasuke came back into the room, smirking as he saw Shikamaru mostly through the pile.

Shikamaru gave a snort. "I'm sure it gave you a few laughs at some point, though," he said. He glanced over slightly when Sasuke reappeared and threw a multi-ringed cock ring at him.

"I don't trust those," he said, gesturing to the smaller pile (a ball gag with one side a slightly different shade and the previously mentioned odd shaped dildo among other things). "You look through the rest."

Sasuke smirked wider, sitting down with a light chuckle and quickly sifting through what was left, listening to Naruto.

“Yeah it was funny the first few times, but it reaches a point where you expect that even while drunk he’d remember that. I mean, the man could spell autoeroticism perfectly, but penis defeated him.”

Shikamaru laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You'd think he would lay off the sake after a while too," he said, finally sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I suppose you could say the same thing for Tsunade, too, though."

“Eh, he kind of had to, to be able to get down the girls pants or at least to get them drunk enough to make out with each other. What I want to know is why he kept insisting on writing right after, when he could barely remember his own name let alone what went down in the brothel.” Naruto said, watching as Sasuke threw the black thong into the ‘used’ pile, shivering a bit as well as feeling a little mournful.

Shikamaru shrugged. "If he was drunk, he probably wouldn't remember it the next morning," he reasoned, though was wondering why they were discussing this.

Naruto shrugged, agreeing.

“Yeah yeah, doesn’t change how annoying it was.” He said, slipping off the bed. “So do we deliver them now or later?” He asked, stretching. Sasuke shrugged as well, not caring aside from the fact that delivering them now would detract from the time they’d been meaning to spend lavishing on Shikamaru’s naked body.

"Later, unless you want to go by yourselves," Shikamaru said, not caring it they did or not. He just didn't want to move more than he had to. "I don't feel like leaving home the rest of the day."

Sasuke moved the pile away from the bed, making sure not to let the two spill over into each other. He turned back to Shikamaru, licking his lips.

“Do you still want to see how long it takes Naruto and I to distract you?”

Shikamaru smirked, giving a shrug. "If you think you can manage it, go right ahead," he said. "I won't stop you."

Sasuke lay out on the bed, arms behind his head.

“Normally I would be all for it, but after seeing how much Naruto’s fallen in love with those panties…” he smiled at Naruto in a way that made the blond shiver. “I think I might like to see a show.”